Lifelines
by TheaJ1
Summary: Set after New Moon. Edward never came back. Bella moved away from Forks, went to med school and now lives in Pasadena. She has moved on with her life, but when someone from her past shows up, everything changes...
1. Unexpected

**Author's note**: This is my second fan fiction. I didn't plan on writing another one, but I just couldn't get rid of this idea.

The story is set seven years after New Moon. Bella moved away from Forks, went to med school and now lives in Pasadena. She's moved on with her life, but when someone from her past shows up, everything changes…

The story will be told from both Bella and Edward's points of views. It just offers more possibilities.

My knowledge of American geography is limited, as is my knowledge about medical procedures. If you come across a mistake feel free to tell me. But, of course, you can just ignore it.

Those of you who read my first fan fiction (Cross Your Heart) know I'm not a native. If you find any mistakes language-wise, _please_ tell me. I always strive to get better.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters or the idea for the Twilight Saga; their all property of Stephenie Meyer! I'm only borrowing them!

UNEXPECTED

BELLA

The dream was surprisingly normal.

Revolving slowly around myself, I floated in space in orbit around Earth. The sun was a bright patch of light hundreds of thousands of miles away, and yet I felt its warmth which was good, because I was wearing nothing but a nighty. I propelled myself forward for a closer look. You didn't get the change to see Earth from above too often, after all.

Grinning like an idiot, I watched the white swirls of clouds wander over the blue and green surface. From up here Earth looked like a marble, a child's toy.

I stretched out my arm to touch the clouds. This was a dream after all, so maybe I was able to touch them. I'd always wondered what they'd feel like.

But I was too far away, and my hands could only reach the outmost layer of the atmosphere. What was it called? I tried to remember. Stratosphere? No, that one was farther down. While I was racking my brain, I felt a gentle tug. Surprised I glanced down. Nope. Nobody there. But I was picking up speed and was moving forward faster now than I liked.

What the hell?

And then I suddenly realized what it was. Gravity! Shocked, I tried to swim in the opposite direction, but it was too late. I was already plummeting down, and plummeting and plummeting and plummeting…

I woke with a start, heart pounding. My cell phone was ringing.

I grabbed the phone and hit the call button without checking the caller ID, and the ring tone, a version of _Drops of Jupiter _by Train and most likely the reason why my dream had taken such an unfortunate turn, died mid-sentence.

Who the hell was calling me at three in the morning?

"What?" I snapped as I fumbled for the light switch.

"Geez, Bells, it's just me," Jacob said, and I could almost see him rolling his eyes.

I was about to ask him why he was calling, then remembered that I'd _asked_ him to call me when he left for the airport and my anger evaporated. If he wanted to be here by noon, he had to leave right about now.

"Sorry," I muttered, blushing as always. "I forgot." I finally found the switch, and the lights came on. Propping myself up against the headboard, I tried to clear my head. It had been a very long day, and I'd only gone to bed two hours ago.

"Guess I'm just not that important to you," Jake said in mock disappointment. "Maybe I shouldn't come after all."

"I don't think you'd get a refund," I said, rolling my eyes. Would he ever stop trying to tease me? Probably not.

He laughed. "You're probably right about that." His voice was softer when he asked, "Long day, huh?"

"The longest." I sighed. "Pile-up on the interstate. I'll tell you about it later."

He didn't argue. Jacob was used to me telling him bloody, revolting stories from the ER – Charlie didn't want to hear them, and I couldn't blame him – but he knew it would give me nightmares if I told them right before going to bed. Even after all this time.

"Can't wait to hear it." He sounded as if he meant it, which he probably did. Jacob was weird that way. The bloodier the better. "Anyway, I have to go now", he said. "Embry's driving me and he wants to get back before sunrise. See you later, Bells!" He hung up.

I tossed the phone back on the nightstand, but as usual my aim was off and it thudded on the floor instead, probably leaving a dent in the parquet.

I turned off the lights and tried to go back to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. Ever since _he_'d left – seven years ago to the day, I realized; I'd turned twenty-five two days ago – I had trouble sleeping. Sometimes I even dreamed about the night he'd left me in the forest and still woke sweating and screaming at the top of my lungs.

But I'd accepted he'd never come back, and so I'd left Forks, went to med school in sunny California where no vampire who wanted to blend in and go out during the day like any other human – like _they_ would want to – would ever move and eventually settled in Pasadena. Since I wouldn't return to Forks even for his or Charlie's birthday – too many haunting memories – Jake flew over every other weekend. He missed me although he'd given up on the idea that we'd be ever more than friends some day a long time ago. I did love him, but I wasn't _in_ love with and, and I often wondered if I'd ever fall in love again or if, in that respect, I'd been damaged beyond repair.

Eventually I got up and took a hot shower. It was four in the morning, and I might as well get back to work and start my shift early. Maybe I could surprise Jake by picking him up from the airport. By now he knew his way around Pasadena – his sense of direction was a lot better than my own, probably because of the werewolf thing – and he had a key to my apartment, but I wanted to see him and talk to him now and not tonight.

I missed him, too.

Linda, the head nurse, shook her head as I entered the ER, but didn't say anything; she was used to me working late, which I usually did when I couldn't sleep. Sitting at home alone at night was kind of depressing.

"Did anything happen while I was at home?" I asked, eyeing the charts in the tray next to her.

"Kid came in with head trauma," she replied. "Fell down the stairs when he wanted to say hello to his parents who'd just come home from a business trip. Danvers took care of it."

"I see," I said, indecisive. Should I go home again? Linda raised her eyebrows at me, and I quickly said, "I'll be in the doctor's lounge, doing some paperwork. Page me if you need me."

"Of course," she answered. I saw her glance at the doctors' directory when I turned and I felt my face go red. I knew she'd call around and try to find someone willing to trade shifts so I'd be able to leave at eleven. I'd never asked her to. She was just trying to make my life a little bit easier, and I was glad to have her on my side. She didn't seem to get along well with any of the other doctors in the ER, but I was probably just imagining things.

I strode into the doctor's lounge, tripping over the threshold as usual. Automatically extending my arms, I managed to regain my balance within seconds. I still tripped a lot, but I seemed to get better at avoiding the fall. What choice did I have, really? There was nobody here to catch me, hadn't been since I'd moved away from Forks.

Olivia, one of my few friends, was curled up in one of the armchairs. She was fats asleep and didn't so much as flinch when I entered noisily. Smiling, I tucked the blanket she'd swaddled herself in back under her arms before I sat down to get started. I knew people accused me of working too much, but Olivia was worse. I didn't think she ever went home.

We'd met at med school and had been friends ever since. I'd never told her about my past – what could I tell her? _Well, I was dumped by my vampire boyfriend because he didn't love me anymore_… Sure, and right after I'd told her she'd personally escort me up to the psych ward – but she was one of those people who were very perceptive. Just by watching me she'd figured out that I'd been through a lot, emotionally speaking. One night she'd offered me to talk about it, I'd refused. She hadn't broached the subject ever again.

In a way she was like Angela. Sometimes, more often than I'd like, I regretted that we hadn't stayed in touch. But just as I would never return to Forks I wouldn't speak to anyone who might remind me of what I'd been through there. Except Charlie and Jake.

I'd been able to get a scholarship for med school. I didn't know what else to do, and I needed something which would keep my mind busy and allow me to get away from Forks and into the sun. When I got the acceptance letter, Charlie had almost burst with pride.

Of course, half-way through the first semester I'd remembered that _he_'d once told me that he held several medical degrees as well – but I had changed. I still loved him and I probably always would, but I wouldn't allow him to govern my life anymore the way he had before, and so I stayed.

I'd made the right choice.

Nobody paged me until it was well after eight. I shoved the stacks of finished paperwork aside and stretched, yawning. Joints cracked audibly.

"You shouldn't be working all night, Bella," Olivia said, and I turned to find her wide awake and watching me. Her tone was disapproving, her blue eyes narrowed.

"That's the pot calling the kettle back," I replied, and she stuck her tongue out at me. Sometimes she reminded me of Alice, which was probably why I liked her so much.

"Do you want to have breakfast?" she suggested.

"Sure." I glanced at the watch. If Linda found a doctor who'd trade shifts I'd be able to leave in three hours. I'd have to thank her later. I didn't know why people kept looking after me the way they did. But maybe they thought I needed looking after. Jake would certainly agree.

I often wondered what people saw when they were looking at me. Did they see a young successful doctor? Or did they see the girl who'd been broken and stitched back together?

So much time had passed. I'd gotten older, the thing I'd dreaded most when we were still together, and it seemed to help. I wasn't happy, but I was content, and maybe, if more time passed, I could even be happy again.

We went upstairs. The cafeteria was unusually packed. It was Friday, and normally all hell broke loose in the ER just around sunrise. But maybe the accident yesterday had thrown everything out of balance. I didn't believe in those things, but I was glad I didn't have to face dying people and mutilated bodies again. Once a week was definitely enough.

A doctor from Oncology, short with red hair and sparkling green eyes, sat down with us. I didn't know her name – I'd never been good at making new friends, and for some reason it was even more difficult now than it had been in high school – but she seemed nice enough, and we even exchanged a few sentences.

My pager went off at nine. "Sorry," I said and left them alone. I went back down, remembering to grab my coat from the doctor's lounge, before I returned to the ER.

A nurse, the same, I realized, who had talked to Linda earlier that morning, handed me a chart as I passed the reception, and I briefly glanced at the first page. Fifteen-year-old Allison Lloyd had been hit by a car. The EMTs believed she was OK, but had decided to take her in just to be sure. I found a post-it attached to the second page. _Driver says she just ran into the street. Thought I smelled alcohol. Want to go to dinner on Monday? Paul G._ I tore the note off and flipped it in the trash. Paul, one of the EMTs was a nice enough guy, but I didn't feel like dating.

To be honest, I hadn't had a single date ever since Jake asked me out six years ago. The date had started out very nice, but things had gotten out of hand when he'd tried to get me to talk about _him_, and I'd spent the rest of the evening crying while Jake had tried to comfort me, apologizing over and over again for bringing _him_ up, and I didn't feel like going on a date – any date – after that.

Pathetic, wasn't it?

The nurse – I finally remembered that her name was Carol and that she'd worked in the ICU before she'd been transferred into the ER– had read the note, too, and already ordered the necessary tests. She didn't say anything about Paul when I asked her where the girl was, probably because she hadn't been here long enough. Everybody else knew he had a crush on me.

They though we'd make a cute couple.

"Hi there," I said as I pulled aside the blue curtain which hid the girl from view to give her some privacy. The teenager turned her head, raising an eyebrow. She was wearing black like most teenagers seemed to these days. Black boots, black tights, a black skirt so short Charlie wouldn't have left me the house in, and a tank top which barely reached her belly button. Her eyes were rimmed with black eyeliner, and her pale hair was greasy.

Yep, seemed to me like a typical teenager. But maybe she'd surprise me.

She didn't.

"You're a doctor?" Her voice was sullen. She was in shock – or should have been – and being rude was obviously her way of dealing with the fact that she'd almost died. But, then, being a hormone-ridden teenager, she was probably just rude, period.

"I am," I told her and decided not to humour her by offering her to show her my diploma as I sometimes did to convince elderly people that I only looked like seventeen, but was, in fact, a real doctor and had been for some time.

Surely I hadn't been like that as a teenager, had I?

"I'm Dr Swan. Allison, right? Can you tell me what happened?"

Allison rolled her eyes. "I already told the EMT, and that nurse who took, like, a gallon of blood. What did she do that for, anyway? I was hit by a car!"

I shrugged as I put on a pair of gloves. "Procedure." Most teenagers who came in these days were, I'm sorry to say, completely wasted, and the number had increased steadily since I'd started working here. Checking blood alcohol levels was mandatory if there was cause to believe the teenager had been drinking prior to whatever incident had landed him in the ER. If the test came back positive, we were obliged to inform the parents or the police if we couldn't get a hold of the former. Teenage drinking was a serious problem these days, and patient-doctor confidentiality didn't apply if the kid in question was underage.

I didn't know if Allison knew. She didn't throw a fit when I told her we'd been trying to reach her parents, so she either didn't or wasn't drunk. We'd find out soon enough.

While I examined her carefully she glared at me for no apparent reason. She didn't want to be here and she clearly considered the fact that she was to be my fault. I could have let her go, now couldn't I?

The EMTs had been right. She was fine except for a small bruise on her left knee and some superficial scratched on her palms she'd sustained when she'd tried to catch her fall and her pupils reacted the way they were supposed to when I checked them, so she didn't have a concussion, either. I didn't smell alcohol, though.

Maybe Paul had just needed an excuse to write me a personal note.

"You look fine," I told her after I'd cleaned the scratches. I snapped off the gloves and tossed them in the trash beside the bed. Of course I missed, but luckily Allison didn't notice.

She muttered, "Told you so," and hopped off the bed, grabbing her bag, ready to go.

"Hold on," I said, catching her by the strap of her pink bag just as she was about to walk off.

She turned, glaring. "What?"

"You need to be X-rayed. Just to make sure nothing's broken."

"You just said I was fine." Her tone was accusing, and I shrugged again.

"Sorry, but unfortunately I don't have X-ray vision. You're going to have to wait a few hours, though, so you'll should probably call your school and tell them you're not coming today."

Her mood brightened considerably at my last remark. "Well," she said eventually, with a very generous air, "I guess I'll have to stay then." She made herself at home on the bed again, her expression smug.

Rolling my eyes, I turned and went to drop off her chart.

Teenagers.

Jake's flight was late. But for some reason it always was, so when I pulled into the parking lot thirty minutes after its actual time of arrival I was right on time. Grabbing my purse, I locked the car, a blue Dodge Jake had picked out for me because he hadn't trusted me not to buy another beat-up Chevy even though I'd promised – at first he'd wanted me to buy a Volvo, which had been out of the question for obvious reasons – and hurried inside. I found the right terminal and pushed my way through the crowd.

Fortunately, Jake was easy to spot; he towered over almost every other passenger. Waving madly, I tried to get his attention, and a grin spread across his face when he finally saw me. I smiled back at him while he made his way towards me. Jake was two years younger than me, but because of the werewolf thing he looked like he was at least thirty. I didn't care, though. He was still my Jacob, no matter what he looked like.

"Hi Bells!" he shouted, his deep voice drowning out every other noise. He heaved his bag which looked so heavy that I probably wouldn't have been able to lift it half an inch off the ground off the baggage conveyor with ease. I sighed, and wondered why hanging around with such extraordinary people all the time when I was anything but extraordinary hadn't given me complexes yet.

"Jake," I said, smiling, as he dropped his bag in front of me and gathered me into his arms to swing me around. "How was your flight?" I asked, wiping sweat off my forehead. It was already hot outside, and Jake was always running a higher temperature than other people. The heat radiating from his body seemed to burn right through my clothes.

He put me down and laughed. "Uneventful. How come you're here to pick me up? I thought you had to work this afternoon."

"I managed to trade shifts," I answered, evasive. He and Linda would get along just fine.

"You didn't go back to work after I called you, did you?" he asked suspiciously. He followed me outside and loaded his bag in the trunk.

"Well," I said eventually, "I did. But it also means you're going to have me all day."

He rolled his eyes. "Guess I'll just have to carry you back to your apartment when you fall asleep."

"I won't fall asleep," I replied with as much dignity as I could muster. It had, after all, happened before. "Get in."

Grinning, he opened the passenger door.

We had lunch at our favourite restaurant like every other Friday. Exactly thirty seconds after we'd sat down – and by now we didn't even have to wait for a table anymore – the owner came out to say hello, followed by the chef who were both delighted to see Jake. I just shook my head as they greeted him like old friends. Jake ate like a horse. Of course, they loved him.

We ordered the usual, and while we were waiting Jake filled me in on what was going on in Forks and La Push.

Charlie had promoted him. Jake hadn't told me over then phone because he wanted to surprise me, and I leaned over the table to hug him tightly. I was proud of him. So was my father. He trusted Jacob a lot, enough to hand him the reins when he wasn't there, which made me even prouder. Besides, he knew how expensive plane tickets were. I'd offered to pay for it, but Jake wouldn't hear of it. I was glad my father had found a way to help.

He was still convinced we'd get together one day.

Leah was pregnant, and I was happy for her because she'd thought she would never be able to conceive. She was due in March and had Jake asked to forward an invitation for her baby shower. I told him to tell her I'd come. La Push I could handle. It was just Forks I wanted to get away from.

He showed me pictures of Sam and Emily's second son who'd been born two months ago and was probably the cutest baby in Washington State. Russet skin, chubby face, blue eyes and tufts of black hair. Would he turn into a werewolf, too? Maybe, if a vampire decided to come to Forks. But that wasn't very likely. The nomads didn't get too close, and if the Cullens ever came within a hundred mile radius Jake would bite their heads off for what they'd done to me.

I'd told him he didn't have to. They'd had their reasons, but he wouldn't listen.

It didn't matter, though. They wouldn't return. If they'd wanted to, they would have by now.

It was too late.

We spent most of the day in the sun, talking about pack stuff. Jake wasn't allowed to share everything, which was fine with me, but what he was free to tell me was still interesting enough. I was the only person outside La Push he could talk to about these things, and I think he was glad that he could.

I told him about my week, about the car crash, all the people who'd been air-lifted into our ER. Many of them had survived relatively unscathed, but others hadn't been so lucky and had sustained severe injuries. Some of them had died last night.

I got to me, though I knew it shouldn't. People died. There was only so much you could do about it, and we'd done all we can.

When we finally got to less personal topics – politics and economy – it was almost evening, and we went to have dinner where Jake ate just as much as he had at lunch. It was fascinating to watch, and a little bit disgusting.

After dinner we walked back to my small house in silence. Jake took my hand, and I smiled, but it was a sad smile. I wished I'd loved him the way I loved _him_. I knew Jake did. And I was sorry that I didn't return his feelings.

"Did you make plans for the weekend?" Jake asked while I was sitting on the red quilt on the bed, watching him toss his stuff in the guest room closet. The gift he'd brought – he always brought me a gift – a wolf carved out of wood stood already on the shelf in my bedroom next to the others.

I shrugged. "Not yet. We could drive to L.A. and go to the beach."

Jake grinned. "Do I get to see you in a bikini?"

I tossed a pair of jeans at him, which he caught before they hit him in the face.

"I need to check in with Sam," he said when he was finished unpacking. "You'll be OK for a few minutes?"

Why was it he still thought he had to babysit me?

"Sure," I said, smiling despite the urge to throw something at him again. "Go." I shoed him out, the remembered that my neighbours weren't exactly animal lovers and called after him, just loud enough for him to hear, "Make sure the neighbours don't see you! They shoot on sight!"

I decided to take a shower while he was gone, but just as I was about to turn on the hot water the lights went out. "Shoot," I muttered, feeling my way out of the bathroom, down the hallway and into my bedroom to get dressed again, all the while hoping Jake wouldn't pop his head back in to see what was going on and see me stark-naked. The house was old and the fuses blew at least once a week.

I slid back into my clothes. I knew I had a Maglite somewhere, but I figured it would take me longer to find it than to feel my way to the breaker box. It was in the hallway, right beside the door Jake had left open. I opened it and carefully touched the tiny porcelain switches. All of them were down. _Weird, _I thought, _that they would all blow at the same time_. I flipped them back up, and the lights came on instantly. I shook my head, determined not to let this bother me and turned to return to the bathroom and shower before Jake came back.

I froze. A scream built up in my throat but never came out as I was struggling for breath.

How could I've been so foolish? How could I've ever believed she'd leave me alone after Jake's pack had chased her halfway across the country? I hadn't seen her in over seven years, and I'd told myself over and over again that I'd never see her again, that Jake would keep me safe.

I'd been wrong.

She stared at me, her crimson eyes glittering with rage.

Victoria.

_Jake_, I thought, _where are you?_ Had he gone deeper in the woods because of my warning? He was too far away to hear or smell her, otherwise he would already have been on top of her. If I screamed… Would he hear me if I screamed? I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Helplessly I stared at Victoria's face and knew that I was about to die.

Some strangely detached part of my mind noted that she must have kept her distance as to keep Jake from knowing she was after me again. If he'd known he'd have personally packed me on a plane to Seattle to have me back in La Push within less than twelve hours.

"So," Victoria said, her voice not what I'd expected. It was girly, almost child-like and didn't match her murderous expression. "Finally."

I swallowed. My heart started racing. _Run_, I told myself. _Run!_ I knew I couldn't possibly outrun her, but if only I got closer to Jake…

Victoria seemed to know she didn't have much time. She pounced suddenly and her hands closed around my shoulders like claws, hard enough to draw blood. We crashed into the wall. Plaster fluttered down and got caught in her fiery hair.

Finally, as my brain registered the pain, I screamed.

I didn't know if she'd planned to torture me. She probably had, but once I felt hot blood seep through my shirt I knew she wouldn't be able to go through with her original plan. My blood was too appealing, too hard to resist, and Victoria, just like her mate James, couldn't. When she sunk her teeth into my throat I was almost glad. Death would come quickly then.

Then Jake was there, snarling and roaring. He slammed into Victoria like a russet-coloured cannon ball, his claws scratching at her perfect, marble skin, marring it. She let go of me almost instantly to defend herself.

But the damage was already done.

Jake was charging at her, trying to sink his teeth into her to tear her apart, and Victoria was doing what she did best. She ran. Jake's body was tense. His tuned his head at me, then back out the door, not knowing whether to go after Victoria or stay with me.

He chose the latter. He stared at me as I feebly tried to stop the bleeding. I knew I had only seconds left before the burning would start.

"Jake," I whispered, and he lowered his big head down to me, his eyes sad. He knew what was happening to me, knew that Victoria's venom was already spreading through my bloodstream and turning me into a vampire, the very thing he despised. My hands were trembling when I buried them in his soft fur. "Jake… Kill me."

And then I burst into flames.


	2. Reunion

Author's note: This chapter has been difficult for me to write. Firstly, because I find it difficult to write from a guy's perspective; secondly, because I wasn't sure I'd manage to get Edward's state of mind right.

Thank you so much for the reviews! Yes, Bella as a doctor… I think she'd make a good doctor. I wanted to make her a teacher first because I'm training to become a teacher myself, but I figured making her a doctor would give me more options.

Just as a reminder: The book and everything in it are property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm only borrowing them.

REUNION

EDWARD

My cell phone was ringing.

Opening my eyes, I slowly turned my head. The sun had set while I'd been lying on the floor, pondering as always, and I hadn't even noticed. It should have worried me, but it didn't.

Reaching for the cell phone, I remembered just in time not to accidentally crush it. I picked it up and glanced at the display. For a split second my eyes refused to relay the information to my brain, then I recognized the name and dropped it. Still ringing, it skidded across the dirty floor.

Why wouldn't they leave me alone?

As if I didn't know. They were worried. Worried I'd finally lost my mind. Worried I'd do something rash. Which, of course, was ridiculous. I'd had plenty of time to think, and I'd told them so.

They wouldn't believe me.

I called them every few months. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I didn't have a choice. If I stopped calling they'd come after me, and I wasn't ready. Sometimes I wondered if I'd ever be.

We miss you, Esme had said the last time we'd talked, over two months ago.

I smiled bleakly, the phone still ringing.

Not all of them did.

In seven years I'd only spoken to them face to face once. Two years after we'd left Forks Carlisle and Jasper had visited me in Brazil. They'd surprised me and timed their arrival cleverly; I hadn't been able to escape them without drawing too much attention to myself, the last thing I wanted.

They'd only wanted to talk, and so I'd listened. They'd wanted me to consider coming home. They'd pleaded, they'd argued. Well, Carlisle had. Jasper had only come to deliver a message. When I'd seen him by Carlisle's side I'd been surprised. We hadn't talked since her birthday party, and although I'd forgiven him for what he'd almost done our relationship was different now. Only when I'd picked the message – Alice's message – out of his mind I understood. He'd come because she wouldn't.

I still remembered Alice's message. My kind didn't forget. You have torn our family apart, Edward, she'd said, her stern expression painfully clear in Jasper's mind. You're coming back won't change that. You're not welcome here anymore.

Jasper had agreed, not because he thought leaving her had been a mistake, but because in doing so I'd hurt Alice, too. He'd replayed her message over and over again. His way to punish me.

I snorted at the memory.

As if he had to.

They'd left, Carlisle disappointed, Jasper glad. I hadn't seen either of them since.

Finally the phone stopped ringing, and silence fell again. Silence gave me time to think, didn't distract me. That's why I'd chosen to come here. Siberia was sparsely populated; nobody would disturb me. The small stone cottage I'd found and lived in for three years hadn't been inhabited for a very long time.

The perfect place for me. I wanted to be alone.

At first I'd tried. Tried to give my life meaning again, a purpose, and so I'd tracked Victoria. Tried to track Victoria. She was a threat. With us gone, there was nobody to protect her, so I couldn't allow Victoria to ever return to Forks. I'd followed her to South America, but I'd lost her trail and never found it again. She must have gone into the ocean, and there was little change I'd ever find her again.

Again I'd failed. I'd already failed her in so many ways, so it shouldn't have mattered, but it did.

Water trickled down the walls. Drip, drip, drip. Rain had pooled inside the damaged roof, and it was only a matter of time before it would come crashing down. I didn't care. I was only sorry it wouldn't be enough to crush me.

My thoughts were dark, darker than usual. I hadn't fed in some time, and being hungry made me even more depressed. I'd realized a long time ago that this was exactly why I let myself go hungry in the first place. Punishment.

If only I could cease to exist. Of course, there was a way. I had to go to Italy and threaten to expose us to the world; the Volturi would kill me within seconds.

But I wasn't ready for that. Death was final. I'd run away when things had gotten difficult. I would not run away from the consequences of my decision.

I would not take my own life.

Yet.

The cell phone started ringing again.

I sat up. My shirt, blood-stained and wet and the only one I still owned, clung uncomfortably to my chest. I tore it off and tossed it in the corner, then retrieved the phone. Carlisle calling again. For a full minute I considered crushing it. If I only closed my hand and exerted the right amount of pressure, it would crumble into dust.

But I couldn't. If I did, I'd have to get a new one and I was in no fit state to be seen by other people. So I just turned it off. I needed to conserve energy anyway.

It was just past midnight. Go, I urged myself. You need to feed.

But I couldn't move.

Then I caught the scent. A deer. It was close, just outside the door. I was upwind; the deer didn't know I was here yet. Its scent was delicious. My throat burned, and as I listened for the wet thudding of its heart, the whisper of blood moving through its veins, I found I could love after all.

I took it down before it knew I was there, before it had time to panic. Blood spurted as my teeth broke its delicate skin and found the carotid artery. The blood was hot on my bare skin. I dropped the drained deer and sniffed the air. There was another one not far away, and I went after it, allowing instinct to take over. Like I ghost I darted through the forest. My mind was focused now. Find. Kill. Feed.

I didn't realize I was being hunted. When I finally did, it was already too late. My attacker slammed into me with the force of a cannon ball. His arms closed around my torso, but now I was prepared.

Emmett cursed as I slipped out of his arms.

"What do you want?" I hissed, perched on the branch of a tree. Emmett craned his neck, and his eyes narrowed as he looked me up and down. You're a mess, kid, he thought.

I chose to ignore the remark. "What do you want?" I asked again. I already knew, of course. They were here to bring me home.

"Polite as always," a second voice said, dripping with sarcasm. My jaw clenched. Rosalie, stunningly beautiful despite the fact that twigs clung to her hair, emerged from the trees, her expression matching her thoughts. Coming here had been a waste of time.

Well, I hadn't asked them to, had I?

Emmett glanced at Rosalie, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going home," I said.

Emmett scratched his head, thinking. Esme wanted to talk to me, and Emmett had offered to come and get me. Rosalie had tagged along. She just wanted to confirm what she'd long since suspected. He's lost it.

"You don't have to stay," Emmett coaxed. Emmett coaxing wasn't something I'd seen before, and I almost smiled. Almost. The corners of my mouth twitched. "Just come home for a couple of days. It would make her happy."

Rosalie didn't agree. Neither did I.

"I can't," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

Emmett, who'd never been very patient, resorted to what he was best at. He grabbed the trunk of the tree which was at least twice as wide as he was and heaved it right out off the ground, dirt flying in every direction. I leapt down, and he tossed the tree aside to come after me. I'd always been faster and I was taking full advantage of my speed now. I raced through the forest so fast I was almost invisible. Emmett was still behind me. He wouldn't give up.

I wheeled around – I smelled water, and I thought I might be able to use the river to confuse him – and slammed right into Rosalie, who'd obviously taken a shortcut to cut off my way. I'd been so focused on Emmett, I had neither heard her move nor picked up her mind when she got closer. It only took me a split second to leap to my feet again, but Emmett was already on top of me. His massive arms closed around my torso, and I knew there was no way I could get away now.

"Gotcha," Emmett panted for dramatic effect, and Rosalie rolled his eyes at him. He stopped instantly. "Fine," he grumbled. "We're leaving," he told me. "And you're coming with us. Our flight leaves at noon tomorrow, so we should hurry."

I glared up at him, and he laughed. "Sorry, kid. I promised."

I didn't get a chance to escape. They'd brought me fresh clothes, and Emmett all but sat on top of me when I got showered and dressed, and I could tell he was enjoying himself.

Rosalie wasn't. She stood watch outside the bathroom – just I case I managed to escape Emmett, which was highly unlikely – and her thoughts were hostile. I tried not to listen.

I was beginning to feel like a prisoner. They wouldn't leave my side even for a second, and eventually I gave in. There just was no point. Emmett promised me they wouldn't force me to stay if I didn't want to.

Two days later we were back in the States. Emmett had left his car at the airport, so there was no need for the rest of my family to come and pick us up. They didn't talk much on the drive home. I sat on the backseat and tried to think of nothing. After seven years I was back. It wasn't as painful as I'd thought it would be. Instead I felt empty. Empty and dead.

We arrived at the house around nightfall. They'd moved to Virginia a year ago, near Richmond. Once Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett had graduated from high school – again – they'd relocate to Anchorage to be closer to Tanya, Irina and Kate. I wouldn't stay for sure, then. Somewhere above the Atlantic and despite what I'd told Emmett I'd briefly considered it. But Tanya had been interested in me from the beginning, and the thought of her trying to beguile me was more than I could bear just now.

Esme's face lit up when we walked inside. She hurried to meet me. "I'm so glad you're back," she murmured. "I've missed you so much."

I smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you, too." She turned to lead me into the living-room and my smile wavered.

Emmett had lied to me. Well, not exactly. He'd told me Esme wanted to see me – I'd seen her tell him so in his mind – but without my ability Emmett hadn't been able to see the reasons for Esme's request. And he hadn't been told on purpose. There was something they wanted me to now, something I was to learn first-hand from Alice and which neither Emmett nor Rosalie had known about.

Alice was upstairs. Jasper was with her, and I knew neither of them had forgiven me for leaving her, even after all this time. But she wouldn't lock me out of her mind, and she showed me what she'd seen. Flashes of Victoria. I growl rose in my throat, and Emmett startled. Esme raised her hand to tell them it was okay. What Alice had seen was indistinct and blurry. Victoria was back in the States but, as far as Alice could tell, nowhere near Forks. Nobody knew where she lived now, of course, but Alice was sure she'd see it if Victoria decided to go after her again.

"Thank you," I said quietly. They'd been right to let Alice show me. If Emmett or Rosalie had told me what she'd seen I might have – overreacted. It was also the reason Carlisle had tried to reach me. He'd wanted to tell me Emmett and Rosalie were coming.

Silence. Esme sat down on the sofa; she didn't know what to say anymore than I did. She was worried. She'd expected me to be better and thought I was worse.

I didn't know what to say. With my family I'd always felt at ease. Why were things so different now?

Because I'd left? Because I'd forced them to leave Forks and leave behind a girl they loved just as much as I did?

Tyres on the gravel.

"Carlisle," Esme said quietly.

"I'll be outside then," I replied just as quietly, and went outside.

Carlisle smiled when he saw me. "I'm glad you're home." He put his hand on my shoulder, but he wasn't able to hide how worried he was, either. He was hoping I'd stay for a few days, if only to make Esme happy. She'd truly missed me.

"Maybe," I allowed, and Carlisle nodded.

The night was warm. Carlisle had planned on going hunting. It had been two days since I'd fed and I hadn't fed nearly enough. As long as I was here I couldn't allow myself to slip. They'd never let me out of their sight again.

Then I'd just have to leave for got.

But I wasn't there yet. "Mind if I join you?" I asked, trying to make it sound casual.

As it turned out that was exactly what Carlisle had hoped.

"Yes," he said, smiling, and dropped his bag by the porch.

We walked into the forest.


	3. Changes

A/N: This chapter sucks. I wrote it down really quickly just to get it over with. Nothings's happening, not really anyway, but I needed a chapter like this, and here it is. The next one will be better - a lot better. I promise! Cross my heart and hope to die! Because now it really gets interesting. I have lots of ideas, some already written down, so I now have to decide which ones to use.

Just bear with me guys!

By the way, thank you so much for the reviews. I find it hard to believe that someone's actually reading it!

Just a reminder: The books and everything in them are property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm only borrowing them.

CHANGES

BELLA

I was burning.

At first it wasn't so bad. My skin tingled and itched as if I'd been in the sun for too long without using sunscreen. Uncomfortable, but bearable. Unfortunately, I'd been there before and knew what was going to happen next.

This time nobody was here to save me.

I pressed my lips into a tight line, my body rocking. Screaming wouldn't do any good, wouldn't provide relief, even temporarily. „Kill me," I whimpered again, pulling Jake's big head down to me, although my palms felt as if the skin had been stripped away, leaving the flesh bare and unprotected.

Jake disentangled his fur from my hands and slowly backed away, his dark eyes sad. Then his hackles rose, and he growled. That's it, I thought, almost relieved, and closed my eyes, expecting him to strike and end the excruciating pain.

He didn't. When I opened my eyes again, everything distorted by the fire raging through my body, he was gone. „Jake?" I whimpered. Had he left? Why would he do that? If he didn't kill me, he'd break the pack's law.

Then he stomped back in, slamming the door shut behind him, his expression furious.

Why had he phased back? I wondered, and then the fire wiped every conscious thought from my mind.

Pain. No, pain was too weak a word to describe what I felt. Agony. Yes, agony. The fire rippled through my body as the venom spread. Torturing me. Changing me.

And there was no way to stop it.

Seven years ago I'd have embraced it. I'd even asked for it, but he'd refused. Now, of course, I knew why he had. He'd told me, that night in the forest...

No. No. No. I couldn't become a vampire. I couldn't face eternity alone. Without him. Without Jake and the pack. Without my father. Without my mother.

I just couldn't.

If only Jake would kill me. He sat by the door, his eyes on his cell phone in front of him; it had been ringing ever since he'd returned, but he didn't seem inclined to answer. Once in a while he'd murmur to himself, too low for me to hear. What was he thinking?

Eventually, I did scream. I couldn't help myself, and with each wave of fire washing through my body I screamed in agony. I screamed until I was hoarse.

Jake didn't look at me.

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

He didn't move, didn't even blink. He just sat there.

Please...

Eventually, the fire receded. At first I thought imagining it. Surely, it wouldn't just end. Surely the pain wouldn't just go away. But it did. I was able to feel again, feel something other than pain. The flames vanished. From my toes and and my fingers. Then from my legs and arms. My heart suddenly took off as if to escape the fire. It started beating to fast I was afraid it would jump right out off my chest. Beating and beating and beating and beating and beating.

Until it stopped.

I gasped. The fire settled in my throat, burning away. Uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. But bearable.

And then it was over.

Disorienting.

Yes, that's the best word to describe it. Disorienting. Everything was suddenly so intense, so much more. I must have been blind and deaf before. How could I have missed the beauty of the grainy ceiling, a moonscape with craters and mountains? How could I not have heard the fluttering of a bird's wings, the forceful beating of its tiny heart as it flew by?

My kind is easily distracted, he'd once said, the memory mercifully dim. Now I knew why. How did you get anything done when everything was so... amazing?

Jake cleared his throat, and I was on my feet before I'd even thought about standing up.

„That'll take some getting used to," he murmured, so low I shouldn't have been able to hear. Staring at him, it was as if I'd never seen him before. His soft, glowing russet skin. His smooth, glossy black hair. And his eyes. So dark and empty. I'd never seen him looking at me like that.

And I'd never thought he would.

I swallowed, trying to fight the wave of despair washing over me, a sensation so intense my knees almost buckled.

Why hadn't he killed me?

Ask him.

„Jake," I whispered, then I suddenly found my hands clamped over my mouth. Again I didn't remember moving. The voice. My voice. It sounded... different. Smoother. More melodious. Beautiful.

It didn't sound like me at all.

I could tell that Jake agreed. He stared at me, his eyes hard. What was he seeing? Bella? Or a monster. That's what I was now, wasn't it? A monster. I wasn't Bella anymore.

I wasn't Bella anymore, was I?

„How are you feeling?" he asked eventually.

Why did he care?

I answered anyway. Sooner or later he'd leave; I was sure of that. I had to make the most of it while he was still here.

„I don't know. Everything's so..." I struggled for the right word; I didn't know if Jake would be able to understand. „Intense," I finished eventually, for lack of a better word.

A smile flashed across his face. „Yeah, I know the feeling."

How... Oh. Yes, of course he did. When he'd started changing shortly before he'd phased into a wolf for the very first time, it must have been very confusing for him, too. I was glad he understood. But would it be enough? He'd changed into a werewolf because he'd inherited the genetic disposition.

I'd changed because Victoria hadn't succeeded in killing me.

Silence. What was I supposed to say? Jake didn't seem to know, either; he kept tapping his fingers against his thigh. Impatient as always.

I glanced out the window. The sky was dark. No moon. What time was it? What day was it? How long had I been out? Surely that was something I could ask. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I frowned. Then I realized what the problem was. Air. I had been holding my breath - I hadn't even noticed, but I had - and used up all the air still left in my lungs. Huh. So I could go without air. It wasn't very pleasant, though. For one thing, I didn't smell anything. And then there was the talking issue.

So I took a deep breath, and the Jake's scent - it had to be his; there was nobody else in here - almost made me gag. He'd told me he'd smell different to a vampire than a human. But this...

„You okay?" he asked.

„Yeah," I gasped. „It's just... You're right. You do smell different."

„So do you." He sighed. „Like sweet bleach."

Silence again. My throat was burning. I had to feed. But I was afraid that if I went outside I might kill a human. And if I did, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My mouth was dry, parched.

I could tell Jake was worried. He stood in front of me, his back to the door. The air smelled stale, and I glanced around. The windows were closed. I usually kept them open - after all the thing I was afraid of most wouldn't be repelled by a closed window - so Jake must have closed them. Why?

"No fresh air," he said, and my new brain which seemed to work a lot faster understood at once. No fresh air, no human scent. Just me. And Jake. And another scent which caused venom to well up in my mouth. His scent, the scent of all vampires, had always been so appealing to me. And so was this. It smelled better than anything I'd smelled before. I didn't know how to describe it; I tried to compare it, but nothing fit. And yet there was an edge to it that caused my muscles to lock, ready to attack.

Victoria. I inhaled, nostrils flaring. I would never forget the scent.

"Bella," Jake said eventually, "we need to talk."

Jake left that night.

He wanted to stay with me, but he couldn't. He had work. He had is pack. And it would break Charlie's heart if we both disappeared. And that's what I would do. Disappear for a while. I couldn't stay near humans. My short hunting trip with Jake had proven that I didn't have the restraint. The smell of human blood... Animal blood didn't compare. Not even close. I could fight it. If I held my breath it wasn't so bad. But I was afraid that I might lose control. I'd almost killed a hunter who'd been stalking a deer. If Jake hadn't been with me I most likely would have. He'd had to physically haul me away. I didn't fight him, but in human form he wasn't a strong as me and he'd been exhausted when we were finally back at my house. He couldn't phase; he was afraid Sam would force him to kill me.

I wouldn't see Jake again. Sam didn't have a choice. I was a vampire now. The pack killed vampires. It was as simple as that. Sam wouldn't allow Jake to stay in touch. He'd promised he'd try.

After Jake was gone I started packing. I wanted to get away a far as possible. The forest maybe. I didn't relish the thought of living under the free sky from now on, but again I didn't have a choice. I wasn't safe to be around.

I didn't take much. A few set of clothes. Document I might need later on. The wolves Jake had made for me. A few books.

I left everything else. I wrote a letter to my father, telling him I'd be taking some time off, that everything had become too much for me to bear, and asked him to get my stuff. I faxed my letter of resignation to the hospital. I left my cell phone on the dresser in the bedroom. As I flitted through the house I didn't look into a single mirror. I didn't want to see myself, didn't want to know what I'd become. I would make the end of my life so much more real.

And then I left Pasadena. I lived in the forest, away from humans until I thought I had myself under control. A year passed, and I began testing myself. I went into villages near humans, went into supermarkets, public places. And when I found that I was able to control my thirst - unpleasant, but possible - I went looking for a job again. I got lucky. I found a job in Anchorage, working as a pathologist. It was ideal. In a hospital, but the dead were safe to be around. And maybe in time I'd be able to work in the ER again.

I bought a house, having not touched my account for over a year. It was near the edge of the city, secluded and almost in the forest. Small, but enough for me. I sent Jake a letter; I hadn't heard from him in over a year, but I got a response. Just a few lines. Glad to hear from you. Miss you so much. Jake. Nothing more. But it was enough. I wasn't well. I was depressed, but what choice did I have?

Life relentlessly went on.

Even for me.

EDWARD

Tanya was persistent.

I'd told her no. I'd all but spelled it out for her. I'd even asked Esme to talk to her; Alice would still leave the room when I entered. Esme had talked to her for hours and hours and hours, but she needn't have bothered. Tanya hadn't listened. She didn't want to understand.

She was as pigheaded as Rosalie.

"Would you like to join me tonight?" Tanya asked, her thoughts as hopeful as her smile.

"Tanya," I sighed, turning so she wouldn't see me roll my eyes. Telling her - for the forty-seventh time - that I didn't return her feelings wouldn't do any good. Tanya had been in love with me for over fifty years. She'd never told me, but then she didn't need to. I knew. She was older than me, both in terms of human and vampire years. She assumed that's why I wasn't interested. It wasn't. I liked her well enough, and I didn't care how old she was. Age wasn't an issue for us. I just wasn't in love with her. I never had been.

"Well?"

"I'm sorry," I said, and I meant it. "You know I can't."

Her next question took me by surprise.

Are you still in love with her?

Now that wasn't what I had expected. My family didn't dare to even think about her when I was around. Why would Tanya mention her? She'd never met her. She recalled my visit all those years ago when i'd run away from Forks, afraid I'd kill her if I stayed. She'd thought I'd lost it. She'd never said so, of course, and she'd tried not to think about it.

I didn't care. Not really. I hadn't then, and I didn't now. So why would she bring her up? The human girl. Her rival. Did it matter? I'd told her before. Maybe I had to tell her again one more time. Maybe then she'd finally understand.

Knowing Tanya I didn't think so. But of course I answered her question anyway. "Yes, I do."

Silence. Tanya's mind was busy. She hadn't planned on bringing her up. I saw that now. I sighed, allowing my own time to wander to give her time to think it through.

I'd planned to leave. Carlisle hadn't asked me to stay. Esme would be very happy if you stayed for a few days. That's what he'd said. And so I'd stayed. Three days. That what I'd told myself. I'd stay for three days, then return to Siberia. I'd say goodbye.

But after the three days were over I'd found that I couldn't. I couldn't say goodbye to them. It felt so good to be home. So I'd decided to stay another week. And then another. And as the weeks stretched into months, and the months into years I found I didn't want to leave and be alone again.

He's getting better, Esme had said one evening when she'd thought I'd been out hunting. But I wasn't. I'd never get over her. She was always on my mind. Only Jasper knew the truth. We didn't talk much these days, mostly because of Alice. But he'd promised not to tell anyone, and I was grateful he had.

"You left her," Tanya said eventually. "And you won't go back to her, will you?"

"No, I won't."

"Then..." She hesitated. Then why don't you try to forget her?

"It's not that easy," I replied. "I don't want to forget her. I love her. I always will. Until I die."

Tanya gasped, and I realised too late what I'd said. Dread washed through me. If Carlisle... No. I gave myself a mental shake. They might as well learn my intentions. I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. Once she was dead I'd go to the Volturi.

"Edward," she whispered, "you can't."

"Yes," I said softly, "I can."

You've lost your mind, she'd said before she left. Was she right? I wondered as I watched her walk down the driveway to her car. Had I lost my mind? Maybe. I snorted at my reflection in the glass. Rosalie certainly would have agreed. She hadn't been happy at all when Esme asked her to leave me alone today...

Well, Rosalie and Emmett had left for Europe a few days ago, courtesy of Carlisle. He'd suggested they fly over for a week or so, and while I couldn't help but feel guilty about the fact that - again - I'd torn my family apart, even if it was only temporarily, I appreciated it.

I wanted to be alone today. I needed to be alone.

Carlisle and Esme were gone for the day, too, hunting, and Alice and Jasper would join them after school. They'd return tonight, but until then I'd have the house to myself, and for once I didn't have to hide my misery.

We'd been in Anchorage for a week now. They'd wanted me to return to school. It might help, son, Carlisle had said. But I knew it wouldn't. Too many haunting memories, too much to remind me of her. I couldn't face school. I just couldn't.

Tanya was gone. I turned and walked over to the piano which had been delivered yesterday. Would Tanya tell her family about my plans? She would. They didn't have any secrets, just like we used to. And her family would most certainly tell Carlisle. But that was alright. If they did, I wouldn't have to.

Coward.

I sat down at the piano, hands in my lap. I hadn't played in nine years. Music had always been so very important to me, even when I was still human. But now... So many memories. I closed my eyes. The day I'd composed her lullaby. The day she'd first heard me play. The day I'd recorded the CD for her birthday.

Her birthday.

Today.

I struck the keys despite myself. Still in perfect tune. My fingers moved of their own accord now. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed playing. The notes wove into a delicate melody. Her lullaby. Sadness washed over me, and I wanted to cry. I missed her so much.

You haven't played in so long.

Alice.

She was sitting on the stairs, watching me. I hadn't heard her come home. I knew why she was here at once, of course. She'd seen what I'd decided. And she didn't like it.

"I know," I said quietly.

Silence. I couldn't play with her watching.

She smiled, and I smiled back at her. I wasn't forgiven. Maybe she'd never forgive me, but she was talking to me again. It was a start.

"You're home early," I said. "Weren't you supposed to go hunting?"

She shrugged. "I'm not that hungry." She sauntered over and sat down beside me. She struck a key, and then another. Alice preferred singing over playing, but she'd always enjoyed hearing me play; she even used to play with me on occasion. Her was mind busy now, a thousand thoughts buzzing simultaneously. "So Tanya was here today," she said eventually. A statement, not a question. Of course Alice would know.

"She was," I confirmed, and then we lapsed into silence again.

Alice's fingers danced over the lullaby again. Alice had been there when I composed it.

My little sister. I'd hurt her so much.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered.

She glanced up.

"I shouldn't have asked you to leave."

A smile spread across her face, and I realised she'd been waiting for me to apologise. "No," she agreed, her voice gentle, "you shouldn't have." She sighed. "I know why you did it, though. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now, but I understand. Besides, it's as much our fault as yours. We shouldn't have listened to you, but we did." Her voice was sad.

Pain. I'd caused so much pain. Did I regret what I'd done? Two years ago I'd have said no. Today I wasn't so sure. Maybe there'd been another way. Maybe I'd overreacted. Maybe...

Maybe I wouldn't have torn my family apart.

Was it too late to fix my mistake? So much time had passed. I'd asked her to move on. What if she had? She was human after all. She was twenty-seven now, ten years older than me in terms of human years. Maybe she was married. Maybe she even had children. I couldn't go back to her. Not after what I'd said that night in the forest.

And yet I wanted to.

"You can't go to Italy," Alice whispered suddenly. "I don't want to lose you." Her voice broke on the last word, and I gathered her into my arms. She sobbed tearlessly into my shoulder, repeating the same words in her mind over and over again.

You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't...

"I'm sorry," I whispered, „but I have to. I just..." I broke off. And then - then I told her. I told her everything. I told her that I wished I hadn't left. I told her that I wished I knew if she was fine. I told her everything I'd kept to myself until now, and eventually she stood why I wanted to go to Italy.

She didn't accept it, however.

"I'll find a way to stop you," she said, a promise. „I still have at least, what, seventy years?"

We were still sitting at the piano when Carlisle, Esme and Jasper returned. Alice was curled up against my side, listening. Jasper frowned when he saw us, then shrugged. He'd only been angry with me because of Alice. If she forgave me, so would he.

"Did you have a nice trip?" Alice asked cheerfully and darted over to Jasper to embrace him.

"Very much," he said, smiling down at her affectionately. "I'm sorry you weren't there."

"Let's go hunting now," she suggested. She took his hand, winked at me and pulled him out the door. It wasn't very difficult to guess what she was up to - even without the ability to read minds.

"Did you have a nice day?" Esme asked as she sat down beside me.

"I did," I replied, and she smiled. "Tanya was here, but she didn't stay very long."

"You weren't rude, were you?" Esme raised an eyebrow, a mock rebuke, and I rolled my eyes. As our mother of sorts she thought it her responsibility to rebuke us whenever she thought we deserved it. She wasn't very serious about it - most of the time, anyway - and when she saw my expression, she squeezed my arm and smiled. "I'm sure you were quite a gentleman. I asked her not to come today, but she obviously didn't listen."

"For a vampire she's surprisingly inattentive," I said, and Esme laughed in agreement.

"I guess she is. I can talk to her again if you'd like to me."

"No. I'm almost positive she won't bother me again." I didn't think she'd come to see me again anytime soon, and I certainly wouldn't drive to Denali.

I moved on to another song. Esme was watching me, wondering what Alice and I had talked about, wondering what had made me sit down at the piano and play after nine years. She would never ask me, of course - it was one of her business - but she was curious and would have liked to know what had to visibly lifted my mood. Was I in a better mood? I still felt incomplete - as if a vital part of me had disappeared - but there was no despair, no sadness threatening to crush me.

"Bella," I said. It felt weird. I hadn't spoken - or thought - her name in nine years, and Esme's eyes widened in surprise. And shock. "We talked about Bella."

Esme stared at me, and Carlisle who'd gone upstairs to read put aside the book.

I shrugged. Then Esme smiled and squeezed my arm again. I'm glad, she thought, hugging me before she went to join Carlisle on the second floor.

And surprised I realized that I was glad, too.


	4. Threat

A/N: Here's the next chapter. I like it better than the last one (I might even rewrite that one; it doesn't feel right yet), and I hope so will you. I think I'm going to need a beta-reader, though. Reading through my last fan fiction, I discovered about a million mistakes - embarrassing.

So, I hope you enjoy. Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you so much for the reviews I've received so far! They're great.

Again I'm only borrowing the characters from The Twilight Saga; they're property of Stephenie Meyer.

THREAT

BELLA

Wednesday.

I watched as the sun slowly crept over the horizon. My eyes were able to distinguish between a million different colours; while humans would only see the most dominating colours, I saw every single shade in between - colours I had no name for even after all this time.

As the first ray of sunlight darted across the china blue curtains, I retreated into the shadow of the sofa. Mrs Morris who lived in the small cottage across the street got up early, and if she happened to glance in my living-room window and see me sparkle in the sun she'd probably get a heart attack, a fate the kind old woman didn't deserve.

Sometimes I sat by the window all night. I'd come home from work and shower to wash away the stench of decay which clung to my clothes after ten hours in the morgue, then I'd sit down and not move until it was time to leave again. The lights automatically went out at eleven, so Mrs Morris would think that I'd gone to bed. I never went out. On the weekends I drove to Canada to hunt - I didn't dare set foot near Denali - but during the week I never left my house at night.

I had nowhere to go.

The sun painted cheerful patterns on the dark wooden floor. I stared at them without really seeing them, and then suddenly they were gone. I glanced outside; the sky was grey again, the sun a dull patch of light behind the clouds.

Good. I wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't go to work. I'd have too much time to think and that was … bad. At night the world was asleep. I could deal with it then, could face the loneliness. During the day when the streets were full of people - friends and family and lovers - I couldn't. It was all too much then.

I preferred being stuck in the basement of the hospital, cutting up dead people.

Mrs Morris pulled back the curtains to glance down the street. She didn't notice me and opened the window to let out her cat. Mrs Morris was my only neighbour. The house I'd bought last year was at the very edge of the city. My backyard led directly into the forest, and from the street you couldn't see it at all unless you knew where to look. The other houses were empty. Nobody wanted to live here. No shops. No doctor's office. Not even a gas station. I ordered the groceries I needed to keep up the human charade online, and Mrs Morris had been extremely happy when I offered to order hers as well. It was a long way into town, and she was old and didn't feel up to the journey very often. On occasion I even drove her to her doctor's office downtown.

She was a lovely old lady, and she didn't ask questions. That's why I liked her so much.

I was very still now as I focused on the world outside. Cars rushing down main street. Mrs Morris's cat scurrying through the bushes, stalking a smaller animal, probably a mouse. Mrs Morris rummaging in her kitchen drawers, preparing breakfast. Even after all this time I found it hard to believe how much my senses had sharpened. Every colour was so bright, so deep. Every sound was so clear, so distinct. Every scent was so rich, so intense.

And yet I'd have given it all up if only I could have been human again.

I sighed. It was already past seven; I had to get to work. I'd have plenty of time to wallow later.

I went upstairs and got dressed. I tried to ignore the unfolded letter on the bed as I pulled a pair of black slacks out of my closet. I'd gotten it yesterday, and I'd already read it so many times that I'd lost count. It was from Jacob. I called him every few months and e-mailed him almost every week to check up on my father, but Sam wasn't too happy about it. Jake didn't consider me a threat. Sam did.

And he'd decided that it was time to put an end to this.

When I was dressed, I gently folded the letter and put it in the box besides the wooden wolves on the dresser. My memories. Jake's letters. Pictures he'd sent me. The few letters Charlie had written.

All my past now.

Grabbing my bag, I headed for the door. I missed Jake so much. I missed him so much. Still. When he left Jake had been there for me. When I'd … changed, he'd been there for me. He'd been my sun, he'd kept the darkness which had threatened to swallow me at bay. And now… I perfectly recalled the few words Jake had scrawled across the yellow notebook page. Bella, Sam says it has to stop. I'm so sorry. Don't call me again. I miss you. Jake.

Who'd keep the darkness away now?

I didn't pay very close attention to traffic as I drove to work. Instead I went over the checklist for the weekend again to distract myself. It didn't really work, of course, not even for a second. Being able to multitask on a grand scale was great most of the time, but it had its drawbacks. Try as he may, a vampire couldn't suppress unpleasant memories. I definitely missed that. And if only I had been strong enough to hold on to my human memories… I hadn't lost them exactly. They were still there, but when I tried to pull them to the surface they were oddly blurry, almost like a dream you knew you'd had but couldn't remember what exactly it had been about. It was annoying, really.

The traffic light turned red, and I quickly stepped on the brakes to avoid running over a pedestrian who'd started crossing before his light turned green. The car squealed in protest, and he glared at me the through the darkly tinted windshield. I glared right back at him. I could have killed him, for crying out loud. Why was everyone so reckless these days?

Impatiently tapping against the steering wheel, I waited for the light to turn green. I was on edge, and I was well aware of the reason why. I was hungry. Crabby. That's what I'd said when he was hungry, when his eyes were black as pitch. I took a quick glance at the rearview mirror and sighed. Well, maybe not pitch black, but close enough.

I hadn't been hunting in almost two weeks. I wanted to test myself. Even after two years of practice I didn't feel very comfortable around humans, so usually I kept myself well-fed to avoid… accidents. But I'd decided it was time to test my limits. I wanted to be prepared. Just in case… Glancing in the mirror again, I decided that I'd reached them. I'd leave tomorrow right after work.

I just had to take care of a few things first. Mrs Morris had asked me to drive her to her doctor's office this afternoon, and after that I'd take her grocery shopping. Then there was an enormous pile of paperwork waiting to be filled out, which I'd do tonight.

Finally the light turned green. I eased down the accelerator, and the car complied. It was fast, the fastest car I'd ever owned. I'd had to send Jake a picture to make him believe I'd bought it.

I'd always thought it was just a guy thing. Some sort of compensation for other… shortcomings. Now I knew better. It was all about speed. The first time I'd run at full speed had been exhilarating. I'd run and run and run and run for hours without ever getting exhausted, without ever having to stop. It was amazing.

So of course I'd bought a fast car.

Recognising the car, the guard smiled at me as I drove into the parking lot. I parked in the underground garage as I always did in case the sun decided to peek out from behind the clouds. My assistant Danielle was just getting out of her battered old VW. She waved at me as I eased the car in the free spot closest to the entrance.

"Morning, Doc," she said cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Fine." I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and got out of the car. "Any plans for the weekend?"

"Sure." She launched into a detailed description of the spa she was going to spend the weekend at as we walked inside and down the hallway. Danielle was a lot like Jessica. It wasn't very difficult to get her going, and I made all the right noises in all the right places. As usually she didn't even notice I wasn't listening. Oddly enough I'd still know what she'd been going on about when I thought about it later. "What about you?" she asked eventually.

We'd reached my office. I unlocked the door and turned on the lights, then dropped my bag by the desk. „Just the usual. I'm going camping." It was the perfect excuse. I'd purchased tons of camping equipment even though I didn't use it - just as I bought food even though I didn't eat it. I wanted to keep things as real as possible.

Danielle made a face. She was a city girl.

She left to get changed, and I shrugged out of the parka I'd donned - I didn't get cold anymore, or hot for that matter, so I didn't really care how many layers I had to put on for show - slipped into my coat and pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

I didn't particularly enjoy working here. I didn't know anyone who did. Seeing day after day what human beings were capable of doing to each other was kind of depressing. I'd become a doctor to help people, and while, of course, in a way I still did it wasn't exactly what I'd envisioned my life to be like.

Things were different now, though. I wanted to work with the living again, so I had to practice. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to control myself the way Carlisle was. I wanted to work in the ER again, I really did. It was just… Sometimes it was so very hard to be around people even when they weren't bleeding. I didn't even want to think about what it was like when they were.

Danielle returned, her blonde hair neatly braided now, a styrofoam mug in her left hand. Coffee, judging by the smell. I'd never really enjoyed drinking coffee. Sure, it smelled great. But the taste… Awful. And then my tolerance for caffein had always been embarrassingly low. I inhaled the rich aroma. These days I didn't even like the smell anymore. Human food, any human food, had lost its appeal.

"Have you seen the new doctor yet?" she asked. "He started working today."

Danielle had a boyfriend - a very nice guy who didn't deserve her - but it didn't keep her from flirting, or going out, with other men. Sometimes even though they were married.

"No, I haven't. How come you have? We just got here."

"Well," she blushed, and my body went rigid, "you know Andy from Administration?" Rhetorical question, of course. Who didn't know Andy? He'd married his boyfriend last year and had invited the entire staff. "I did him a favour, and in return he sort of let me take a look at the file." Her blush deepened, and I had to force myself to look away, swallowing back the venom suddenly pooling in my mouth. Would Danielle notice if I held my breath? Did it matter? Why was she suddenly smelling so… appetising? "Anyway, he's drop-dead gorgeous."

"Who?" Fight it, I told myself. Fight it, damn it!

"Well, both actually." She chuckled, oblivious to the danger she suddenly was in. "I'll get you a copy of his picture."

"Yeah," I managed even though I had no idea what she was talking about. My throat was burning; I felt as if I'd just downed a gallon of bleach straight from the bottle. I could handle the subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle burn which had been my constant companion for almost two years now. But this… It was so very hard to not just give in, to not just leap across the desk and rip our her throat. The desire to kill her, to drink her blood was so overwhelming.

Was this how he'd always felt when he was around me?

I needed to get out. "Excuse me," I all but hissed using up the rest of the oxygen I'd had left and darted into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Not a trace of her scent in here. Just disinfectant, a smell I didn't much care for most of the time; it made my nose itch. Now I inhaled as much of it as possible to erase even the faintest reminder of Danielle's scent. I'd known her for over a year now, for crying out loud. She'd never made me feel that way before.

Usually you're better fed, I reminded myself.

I'd go hunting tonight, I decided. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I'd call in sick or something.

"Everything OK in there, Doc?" Danielle asked, clearly worried.

"Yeah," I gasped, "I'm fine. Just give me a minute, will you?" Turning on the faucet and splashing water in my face which didn't do a thing to calm me - probably due to the fact that even though it was ice cold it still felt oddly warm against my skin - I stared at the reflection in the mirror. A face, so beautiful and pale and perfect. The eyes, the hint of dark gold I'd spotted before gone now.

That's not me.

"Sure," Danielle said, uncertain. "I'll go get started then."

"You do that," I muttered, turning off the faucet.

I'd worked with Danielle for over a year now. Five days a week, eight hours a day. If I lost control around her just because she was blushing how could I ever work in the ER again?

Danielle was waiting for me, the first body, hidden underneath a white blanket, already on the table. Hearing the automatic doors open, she turned, a worried frown on her face.

"I shouldn't have skipped breakfast," I said, smiling, then pointed at the body on the table without giving her the chance to answer. "He's first?"

"Um, yeah." She handed me the file, looking over my shoulder as I read it, totally oblivious to the fact she'd just escaped death. If she knew what danger she'd been in, she wouldn't be standing there right now. She'd be running from the room, screaming. Well, not that she'd actually managed to escape…

I swallowed. My throat was so dry.

Get a grip, I told myself and opened the file. At least the ventilation system was up and running; it did make things a little easier.

The body on the table was male. A neighbour had found him and called an ambulance, but he'd already been dead when the EMTs arrived. How and when exactly he'd died was for me to find out. Judging by the smell - the odour of decay was faint but detectable, at least for my nose - he hadn't been dead for more than a day. As for the cause of death… Well, I had to cut him up anyway. If I wrote my report based on what I'd smelled, my boss would have me committed - or, at the very least, fire me. "What else is on the agenda for today?"

"Not much, actually. Some homeless guy who probably froze to death. And then, of course, our murder victim of the week, a young woman found in a dumpster not far from here."

I rolled my eyes. Danielle had absolutely no respect for the dead.

I pulled the blanket off the table, revealing the pale flesh of a man in his mid-fifties who'd quite obviously enjoyed eating, and tossed it neatly on the counter; my new body was a whole lot more coordinated than my human one had ever been.

As my assistant, Danielle did all the preliminary work - all that's left for me was cutting them up. It was difficult, though, more difficult than I'd expected when I applied for the job. The blood of a dead human - especially when he'd been dead for a while - wasn't nearly as appealing as the fresh, hot blood of a living and breathing one, and yet I'd had to go hunting almost every night those first few months of work to keep myself from doing something I'd most definitely regret later. I'd gotten used to it eventually. I'd had to. I'd wanted to. If I didn't practice, I'd never be able to work in the ER again. I'd thought I'd been doing well.

Now I wasn't so sure anymore.

Heart attack. That's what I eventually wrote in his file. He should have paid more attention to what he ate. Ironically enough he'd had a hamburger and French fries for his last meal. The very thing that had killed him. Quite poetic, actually.

He probably wouldn't agree.

"Does he have any family?" I asked.

Danielle took another look at the file I'd put back on the counter, arms raised so she wouldn't accidentally drip gore on it. "Not according to this."

Well, at least nobody would have to suffer because he'd literally eaten himself to death. I swiftly signed the chart, wondering why he didn't have any family. Had he lost someone? Had he chosen to be alone? I couldn't imagine anyone choosing it. I'd have given anything to get my family back. Odd for a vampire, I know. Most of them travelled alone. They didn't crave company the way most humans did; they didn't need anyone else unless the vampire in question happened to be their mate. The Cullens were different that way. They were more… civilised. He'd once told me that Carlisle thought it was because they only fed off animals. Maybe he was right. And maybe that's why I still wanted so badly what almost every human had. A family. People who loved me.

We did the homeless guy next. I watched as Danielle cut away the shabby and dirty clothes and felt sorry for him. Poor guy. Humans were so fragile, so easy to break. The desire to help them, to protect them was so overwhelming sometimes, but there was only so much I could do. As a rule I took the groceries I didn't need - which was quite a lot - with me when I drove to Canada for hunting and gave them to homeless shelters. They were always appreciated, and it was a lot better than throwing them away.

At noon Danielle left to go to lunch, and I went upstairs to get a salad from the cafeteria. Returning to my office, I flushed it down the toilet. Having to go through the motions didn't bother me at all. In fact, sometimes I even enjoyed it. It almost made me feel human.

At half past one Danielle called to tell me she was running late, so I decided to get started on the girl without her. Had she actually been murdered? I'd find out soon enough. She was still in the black body bag when pulled her out of the freezer. I gently put her on the exam table and unzipped the bag.

Half a second later I found myself crouched against the wall, snarling. It took me another half a second to realise what had happened, and when I did my initial confusion almost instantly turned into hatred-fuelled rage.

Yes, the girl had been killed.

I forced my muscles to unlock as I looked down at the girl. According to her file she'd just turned seventeen. Her pale heart-shaped face, framed by curls of dark hair, wasn't what you'd call beautiful, but there was something in there, something which would keep anyone from dismissing her as plain. A gash ran across her throat. The flesh was pale, almost white.

There wasn't a single drop of blood left in her body.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled, just to make sure I wasn't mistaken.

I wasn't.

I knew who'd killed her.

Victoria.


	5. Surprises

A/N: Hi guys. I've been very busy lately, and I'm so glad I was finally able to finish this chapter. I hope you'll like it.

BTW, I really do need a beta-reader. Yesterday I read the previous chapters again and was shocked at how many typing errors I discovered. Maybe one of you could help me out? Just send me a message if you're interested.

Thanks!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of _The Twilight Saga_; they're property of Stephenie Meyer!

SURPRISES

EDWARD

"We may have a problem," I said as Carlisle appeared on the stairs, worried; he was late for work, and Carlisle firmly believed in the importance of first impressions. He needn't have bothered, of course. His credentials spoke for themselves, and the Dean of the Alaska Regional Hospital should consider himself lucky to have him.

As I handed him the newspaper, however, his concern quickly transformed into alarm. He read the article I'd already read twice, and his eyes narrowed as he realized why I'd wanted him to see it. He checked the date on the newspaper, the first thing I'd done when I'd discovered it. "This is today's newspaper," he said. "This may have been going on for some time."

"I know," I agreed. "The article only mentions two victims, but there might be more. We need to do something."

Carlisle nodded, unhappy. "Have you talked to Jasper?"

"Not yet." I grimaced. Jasper wasn't in a very good mood right now; he never was when he and Alice were apart, and Alice had left a couple of days ago. She hadn't told anyone where she was going, not even Jasper, which didn't exactly help. He trusted her, but he didn't like feeling left out. And he knew exactly why she hadn't told him. Because of me. She didn't want me to know what she was up to, and while Alice was very adept at keeping me out of her head she knew that Jasper wasn't because he rarely tried, or wanted, to. Jasper was angry with himself and angry with me, and it didn't help one bit that Carlisle had - very tactfully - suggested that Jasper stay at home until Alice returned. Right now Jasper was hunting, hoping he'd feel better when he'd soothed his burning throat.

He might welcome a distraction.

"I'll tell him when he gets back," I said, and Carlisle nodded again. _I have to go now, he thought, already half-way to the door. The two of you should take a look around the city. Try to find out where he's been and where he's now. And call Tanya. This affects her family, too_. Then he was gone, and the fracture of a second later I heard the Mercedes speed down the driveway.

I sighed. I hadn't spoken to Tanya for three days, and I didn't want to now. She hadn't mentioned anything to Carlisle, and neither had her family, but I knew they'd bring it up eventually. I shouldn't have told her. I didn't want my family to know. Not yet. They were happy. Happier than they'd been in years because I was finally better. I knew I was better. Talking to Alice, talking to her about Bella had somehow brought me back to life. At least a little bit.

I didn't want to disappoint my family again.

I'd ask Esme to call her. Tanya wouldn't tell her; she loved her just as much as we did and wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

I opened the newspaper again and found the article immediately. _Is a serial killer haunting Anchorage? Four days seventeen-year-old Camille Reed disappeared out of her bedroom on the sixtieth floor of the apartment building where she lived with her parents. Soon after the body of a young woman was discovered in a dumpster near the Alaska Regional Hospital, which was identified as that of Camille Reed. Two days ago twenty-four-year-old Hannah Osprey disappeared out of her apartment without anyone noticing. Soon after, her body was found in the very same dumpster Camille Reed's had been dumped in. The resemblance of the two victims is striking. Both have pale skin, brown eyes and long brown hair. The police is at a loss. No evidence whatsoever has been found at the scene or the victims' homes. So far the police has no idea whether the perpetrator is male or female._

I tossed the newspaper on the coffee table and strode to the window. The disappearances. The lack of evidence at the scene. This was a vampire's doing. A newborn's who had absolutely no idea what he was doing. And who'd never been told of the Volturi.

Jasper returned half an hour later. He didn't look at me when he strode inside and up the stairs, and I knew at once - even without the ability to sense other people's emotions - that his mood hadn't improved at all.

"Here," I said and flung the newspaper at him, which he neatly caught. "Carlisle wants us to investigate."

His eyes narrowed as he read, a thousand thoughts buzzing in his mind simultaneously. He was analysing every word, every hint. It didn't take him more than half a second to reach the same conclusion I had.

"A newborn is doing this," he said, frowning. "But…" He looked at me, head tilted sideways. "I'm almost positive it's a newborn. An older vampire would never do that unless he's got a death wish. Maybe that's what this is." He mulled it over for a minute, then discarded the thought. There were quicker ways to die. I would know. I'd contemplated them myself. "No, I don't think so," he continued. "But why? It's almost as if he _wants_ to draw attention to himself. There are better ways to make sure a body is never found…" He trailed off, slowly shaking his head. _Sloppy_, he thought.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Does it matter why he's doing it?"

"No," Jasper admitted, "I guess not. It might help to know, though. Well," he shook his head and leapt back down the stairs, "it doesn't matter. We can't change it, anyway. What does Carlisle want us to do?" I briefly explained, and the frown reappeared. "He's serious, isn't he?" he asked, and I nodded though I understood the difficulty of the situation as well. Anchorage was a large city. There was little chance of finding the vampire's trail, and searching every street in hopes of coming across his scent by accident wasn't exactly the most efficient thing to do.

Jasper dashed upstairs and returned with a map of the city and put it on the coffee table. He'd divide the city into different zones, which we'd search strategically. I smiled as I walked up the stairs to talk to Esme. Jasper's military background was proving helpful once again.

Esme was sitting at the desk in Carlisle's study. She glanced up as I entered, pencil poised above the blueprint she'd been working on.

"Am I disturbing you?" I asked.

She smiled affectionately. „No, of course not. I was finished anyway." She rolled up the blueprint and put it back in its case. "Ask your question."

For a brief moment I stared at her, stunned. Then a smile spread across my face, and I went to hug her. Esme laughed quietly in my shoulder. She knew us so well.

And of course she'd heard the beginning of our conversation and knew what was going on. At least some of it.

As before I briefly explained the situation, and she had her cell phone out of her pocket and was dialling Tanya's number before I was finished.

"Thank you," I mouthed when I heard Tanya pick up the phone. I returned downstairs to find Jasper still pondering the map. He'd already divided the city into sections; we'd start in the centre and work our way to the suburbs. He was thinking about calling Alice - she might give us a clue where to start; it would save time - and just when he'd made up his mind and was reaching into his pocket, the phone rang. I smiled and went to take a closer look at the map while he spoke to Alice. When he hung up he'd visibly brightened up.

"She's coming home tomorrow," he said though I'd heard as much. She hadn't told him what she'd found, though, and I wasn't able to quench the sudden feeling of uneasiness. I was fairly certain that I wouldn't like the reason she'd been gone when she finally got around telling me. Jasper shot me a puzzled look, but I shook my head. I'd have to tell him what I'd inadvertently told Tanya. I was grateful that Alice hadn't told him what she'd seen me decide. He didn't need to know.

We split up. I dropped Jasper off two blocks from the Alaska Regional, then drove downtown to start my own search. I'd agreed to let Jasper check out the crime scene and the victims' homes. He was better at tracking than any of us, even though I doubted he'd get lucky. Even as I pulled into the parking lot, the misty drizzle turned into rain, drumming like thunder on the roof of the car and, unfortunately, washing away the vampire's scent. The prospect of spending the day sniffing around like a dog and trying to find a trail the rain hadn't touched wasn't what anyone would call pleasant. _It's a distraction_, I reminded myself and killed the engine. _And let's face it. You could use a distraction just as much as Jasper._

Distraction. The word woke memories I thought I'd buried, memories I didn't dredge up very often these days, but they were there. There were memories in _here_, too, and I sighed quietly as I leaned back and closed my eyes, trying—as I often did—to tune out the voices in my head. I hadn't used the Volvo for quite some time now. Frankly, I hadn't used it ever since I left Forks, and if Carlisle had asked a week ago if I wanted to sell it, I'd have said yes. But now… Things were different now. Better. I was better. But the darkness was still there. Waiting.

I inhaled. The rich scent of the leather, the artificial scent of plastic, the stinging scent of motor oil. And _her_ scent, still there even after all this time. I wasn't sure why my family had decided to keep it. I hadn't asked them to. Maybe they'd hoped I'd eventually get better and come home again. Maybe they'd _known_ I would. I'd always suspected that Carlisle and Esme knew me better than I knew myself. They were my parents after all.

My cell phone started ringing. Jasper.

"Have you found anything?" I asked, staring outside. Hopefully, the rain would turn into snow soon. It would make tracking down the vampire much easier.

"Not at the crime scene. I did, however, find the trail again in the park behind the hospital." I could almost see him grin. "I'm following it now. It's faint and I keep losing it, but maybe we'll get lucky. I'll call you again when I know where I'm going." He hung up, and I tossed the cell on the passenger seat, then started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, glad I didn't have to go out there and start sniffing around downtown. Besides, the chances of actually finding something considering how heavily it was raining were slim at best, anyway.

The traffic lights turned red, and I stomped on the brakes. I didn't know the park behind the hospital very well, but if I recalled correctly it was overgrown, and the trees must have protected the vampire's trail from the rain, at least partially. Waiting for the lights to turn green again, I wondered what we'd find at the end of the trail—if we found anything at all, that was.

Tanya and her family hadn't seen the article yet. They'd been shocked when Esme told her what was going on and offered to help us but Esme had declined; we'd take care of the situation ourselves and keep them posted. There were seven of us, and only five of them, and while a single newborn wouldn't present much of a problem for so many of us, there was no need to be reckless.

Jasper called again an hour later. It was almost noon, and I'd driven back to the hospital to tell Carlisle what Jasper had found. Maybe he could even join us. Jasper gave me an address, barely able to hide the excitement in his voice, and I left the car, which I'd parked next to Carlisle's, and went inside, using an old map as makeshift umbrella. I didn't mind the rain—I couldn't catch a cold after all—but humans tended to find people who didn't seem to care whether or not they got soaking wet weird. Inside I shook out the map and tucked it into the pocket of my jacket, then went to the reception. The receptionist glanced up, a pleasant if fake smile plastered across her face. Seeing me, her eyes widened, a reaction I was used to by now. I managed not to roll my eyes.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I said, forcing my lips into fake smile of my own. "I'm looking for my father. Dr Carlisle Cullen?"

„Yes, of course," she breathed, eyes still wide as saucers, her mind busy. _He's so handsome. I wonder… Does he have a girlfriend? Should I give him my number. No, someone like him definitely has a girlfriend. Besides, he's at least ten years younger than you are._ "Just a minute." While she was trying to locate Carlisle, I looked around. The entrance hall was bright and friendly. A glass wall to my right separated it from the cafeteria. I watched the handful of people who'd lined up to buy lunch. An obese man in a doctor's coat buying French fries; and elderly nurse pointing at a piece of chocolate cake; a young doctor, long mahogany hair pulled up into a high ponytail, at the salad bar. I snorted. At least someone was paying attention to what she ate.

She turned, back to me, to exist the cafeteria on the other side, and my body went rigid. I never saw her face, but the graceful way she moved, almost as if she was dancing, was only too familiar. Vampire? _No, that's impossible._

Was it? I forced myself to look away. Yes, it was. _You're seeing things_, I told myself. _What are the odds of two vampires working here?_

And still… I briefly considered going into the cafeteria to confirm my suspicions—the vampire's scent would linger—but the receptionist's mental, "Found him!" made me turn around. "He should be in his office," she told me. "Third floor, east wing, second door on the right."

"Thank you." I flashed a polite smile, and quickly stepped into the elevator. Finding Carlisle's office wasn't difficult; his familiar scent was easy to follow. I located the door and raised my hand to knock, then the sound of a beating heart registered and someone said, "…Monday night."

"We'd be delighted to come," Carlisle said kindly.

"Thank you very much."

The door opened, revealing a big and somewhat heavy man in his mid-fifties. I recognised him almost immediately; he was the hospital's Dean of Medicine. When he saw me he froze, and his eyes narrowed. "Can I help you?" His voice was polite, but his thoughts were hostile. I gathered he didn't think much of teenagers.

"I'm here to see my father," I replied just as politely.

"Edward," Carlisle said, feigning surprise. "What are you doing here?"

The Dean's head snapped around, and I hid a smile. "He's your boy?" he asked, and actually managed to make his voice sound pleasantly surprised.

"Yes, he is. Edward, meet Henry Lambert, the Dean of Medicine."

I smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," I said, offering my hand. He took it, and flinched at my ice-cold skin. S_hit, his hand's cold. But he sure is handsome_. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. _Huh, maybe I could set him up with my daughter…_

My smile faded. "I need to talk to you," I said, dropping my hand.

"Certainly. I'll see you later, Henry," Carlisle said, then waved me into his office, closing the door behind us. I glanced around. Aside from a single photograph—one of Esme, I was sure—and his diploma his office held no personal effects, but then he'd only been here for a couple of hours. "There's a fundraising event on Monday Lambert wants me to attend," he said. "Why don't you join us?" When I didn't answer, he asked, "Have you found anything?"

At least Carlisle knew when I preferred he drop it. "Jasper found the vampire's trail in the park behind the hospital." Carlisle's eyes widened, and I continued, "He followed it and gave me an address. Do you want to join me?"

"Yes, of course," he replied quickly, then glanced at his watch. "I have to be back by two, though, so let's hurry."

We reached the abandoned supermarket where Jasper had told me to park in less than twenty minutes. I parked the car, then we strode into the forest the supermarket's parking lot was neatly tucked into. Jasper's trail, fresh and protected from he rain, was easy to follow. Darting through the forest, we didn't speak, but Carlisle was quietly contemplating what to do once we reached our destination and maybe even found the vampire.

A house suddenly appeared in front of us, and we stopped as Jasper leapt out of a tree. "That's where he lives?" Carlisle asked, frowning.

"I think so. I haven't gone inside yet. I wanted to wait for you."

We stepped out of the trees to take a closer look. The house was small, but it good repair, which couldn't be said for any of the other buildings we'd passed on the drive here.

"Most of the houses are empty," Jasper said as we went around the house. "There's an old woman who lives in the cottage across the street, but that's about it."

"She's still alive?" Carlisle asked, surprised. No vampire would leave an old woman who probably wouldn't even be missed alive.

Jasper shrugged. He was sure the vampire was crazy, anyway. "The bathroom window's open," he said, pointing at the second window above the door. The woman he'd mentioned was fast asleep, and we quickly leapt inside. The bathroom was small. There was a hamper in the corner beside the shower, and a shelf with a few toiletries. A white blouse lay crumpled on the floor, and I picked it up. A female then.

"Jasper and I will be downstairs," Carlisle said quietly, and I watched them dart down the stairs without a sound. I opened the first of three doors. A study. The desk was empty, but the floor was covered by hundreds of medical books and journals. The second door opened into a spare bedroom. Aside from two boxes, each covered with a thick layer of dust, the room was empty; apparently it wasn't used very often. I opened the last door. Another bedroom. A blue quilt covered the bed. A blue box stood on a dresser underneath the window, a collection of carved wolves beside it. My nostrils flared, and I stepped closer. I recognised the stench at once. Werewolf. I stared at the wooden figurines on the dresser, and couldn't think of a single reason why a _vampire_ would have—and keep—them.

I pulled the lid off the box and tossed it on the bed. Inside it were letters, and a stack of photographs. I carefully pulled it out of the box, then removed the rubber band holding them together to flip through them. Young men and women, all of them Native Americans. A few of them seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen them before until I recognised the landscape in the background.

Dread washed through me. _Be wrong, be wrong, be wrong_. I reached for the very first letter and unfolded it, fingers trembling. My body went numb as I read the words, and the darkness I'd fought so hard to go away was suddenly back, threatening to consume me.

_Bella, Sam says it has to stop. I'm so sorry. Don't call me again. I miss you. Jake._


	6. Visitor

**A/N**: Finally, the next chapter! I'm sorry I've kept you waiting, but I've been busy—and frankly I didn't really know what to put the scene into words; no matter what I wrote, it just didn't sound the way I wanted it to. Anyway, here it is. I have no idea when I'll be able to post the next chapter. I have a fairly good idea what's going to happen next, so I'll hope I'll manage to write it pretty quickly.

**Copyright**: I don't own anything, Stephenie Meyer does.

VI. VISITOR

Sometimes when I sat alone in the dark—mourning the life I'd lost—I couldn't help but wonder what my life would have been like if I'd never met _him_, if I'd never entered his world, my world now, too, if I'd never found out about vampires and werewolves. I'd never have met James and Victoria. My heart would never have been torn out if my chest. Maybe I'd never have decided to become a doctor. I would never have ended up in Alaska.

Then again, I would have died almost ten years ago, crushed to death by Tyler's van in the school parking lot.

I didn't regret that he'd saved me, not because I so desperately wanted to live—even before I'd fallen in love with a vampire I'd never been afraid of dying; death was an inevitable part of life—no, if he hadn't saved me, I would never have had the chance to fall in love with him, and despite the excruciating pain in my empty chest, I didn't regret the few months of happiness we'd had, and I never would. How could I ever regret loving him?

But now… Now people were getting killed because of me. Because of how _he_'d once felt about me. If I'd never met him, if I'd never fallen in love with him, Victoria would never have come after me. Camille Reed, Hannah Osprey and Amanda Greene would still be alive.

Victoria had killed them to send me a message. She had disposed of them just around the corner to make sure I'd see or, at the very least, hear about them. And then the resemblance… There'd been no need for Danielle to point it out. "Holy shit, she looks like you!" she had said when she returned, but of course I had already noticed. I'd even rushed upstairs to buy the _Anchorage Daily._ I'd wanted to know whether Amanda had been Victoria'd first victim—or if there'd been more, and I just hadn't heard about them yet. After all, I wasn't the only pathologist working at the Alaska Regional, and I rarely bothered to read the paper or watch the news.

Amanda _hadn't_ been Victoria's first victim. Camille Reed and Hannah Osprey—who, just like Amanda, looked almost exactly like me—had been disposed of in the same dumpster, and I'd read their autopsy reports: inexplicable loss of blood, among other things; there even hadn't been a drop of it at the scene, according to the police.

Three young women had died because of me. If it wasn't for me, Victoria would have had no reason to kill them. Hell, if it wasn't for me, Victoria would have had no reason to _be_ here. My hands tightened around the steering wheel, and the plastic groaned in protest, but I couldn't persuade my fingers to loosen their grip. I had to stop her. I had no idea how, but I had no choice.

I wouldn't let anyone else die because of me.

I had still been sitting in front of the computer and trying to keep myself from ripping the screen in half, when Danielle returned. "Did you get started without me?" she asked as she entered my office, her voice disappointed.

"No, I didn't," I said, surprised at how normal my own voice sounded. I didn't dare look at her; I was afraid of what she might see in my face. "I just wanted to take a look. I'll be with you in a minute."

"I'll be in the autopsy room then," she replied, confused now. She left, closing the door slowly as if she half-expected me to call her back. Then she was gone, and I allowed myself to growl at the autopsy report on the screen. I had no idea how to stop Victoria. I wasn't a fighter, and while I supposed I'd do well on a purely instinctive level, Victoria was older than me, and more experienced. Even if I did manage to track her down—and I wasn't so sure about that—she'd tear me to pieces the second she laid eyes on me. _I don't know what to do_, I thought desperately. I couldn't possibly fight her alone. If only I could talk to Jake. Maybe he'd know…

I gasped. I'd forgotten about Charlie. Was he safe? Was Victoria after him, too? What if she'd already… No. I forced myself not to go there. Charlie was fine. Jake would never let anything happen to him. And if… if he wasn't, Jake would have called me. He would have, wouldn't he? Sam wouldn't keep him from telling me that… I realized my fingers were trembling. _Stop it_, I told myself, then reached for my cell phone and punched in Jake's number to leave a message; he probably wouldn't pick up, even if he happened to have his phone on him.

When I hung up, I didn't feel any better at all.

What was I supposed to do?

As I pulled up beside Mrs Morris, who'd walked down the street to meet me—I'd have picked her up at home, but she didn't want to inconvenience me—I still didn't know what to do, and by then my desperation had turned into panic. Before I'd only felt guilty—now I was scared. I wasn't afraid to die, but Victoria wouldn't just kill me. She'd tear me apart piece by piece, and even if I didn't—couldn't—feel any pain, I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be at all pleasant.

Even as Mrs Morris climbed into the car—breathing heavily; she was asthmatic, which was the reason I'd have preferred to pick her up right in front of her house—I didn't manage to chase Victoria out of my mind, not even temporarily. She was there as Mrs Morris told me about her day, about the rat her cat had caught and killed, about the talk show she'd watched, about the newspaper article she'd read. She was there as I drove to the supermarket. She was there as I picked Mrs Morris up again almost two hours later.

"How are you?" I asked. Victoria—the mental image of her, anyway—smiled and retreated into the back of my mind, but I could still sense her presence.

"Well," Mrs Morris said, fastening her seatbelt and folding her withered hands in her lap, "apparently, I'm fine." She smiled her lovely old-lady smile, and I knew she was lying. She wasn't fine. Her heart wasn't beating as fast as it should, as strongly as it should, as regularly as it should. Death wasn't far away. He'd knock at her door eventually, and she'd open him. She wasn't afraid to die, but I didn't want her to die yet. She'd always been kind to me. "By the way," she said after a while, "a young man came by your house this morning. I didn't get a very good look at him—you know how bad my eyes are," she chuckled, "but from what I could tell he was very handsome. Why didn't you tell me you had a date?"

Mrs Morris smiled at me, and I forced my lips into a smile as well, suddenly tense. Nobody ever came by my house—well, aside from the mailman and the guy who delivered the groceries I ordered online, and both were neither young nor handsome—and in light of what I'd learned today I had to assume he was with Victoria, and if Victoria wasn't alone, if she'd found someone who'd help her kill me, I'd better set myself on fire _right_ now and save myself the discomfort of being ripped into a million tiny pieces first. Was I being pessimistic? Was I overreacting? I didn't think so. I was alone, and there were two of them. I was outnumbered.

And there was nobody I could turn to for help.

I suddenly remembered Mrs Morris was waiting for an answer. "I didn't tell you because I don't," I managed. "I don't know who he was."

"Really? What a pity. You know, maybe you should have a party. Young people always have parties, don't they?"

A bitter smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. _Who would you invite?_ I asked myself. Y_ou don't have any friends_. Sad, but true. Jake and the rest of his pack weren't allowed to contact me anymore, and I didn't know any vampires—well, no vampires I'd count as friends. Shortly after I'd decided to settle in Anchorage I'd met a nomad, but as neither of us had been particularly interested in getting to know one another we'd never even exchanged names. If I hadn't been a vampire I probably would have forgotten her already.

And then there were the Cullens.

After I was changed I'd thought about tracking them down. I was a vampire now after all, no longer a liability, so they had no reason to send me away again, had they? They'd only left because they were dangerous, right? I'd always been aware of the danger I'd constantly been in for almost half a year, and even though I'd try to downplay it, even though I'd told him that Jasper's attack was nothing I'd _known_ how close I'd come to dying that night. _He_… No. Edward—I forced myself to think his name after nine years—had left because he didn't love me anymore. His family had left to protect me. They still loved me, didn't they? I'd always thought they did, and despite Edward's promise that I wouldn't see any of them ever again, I'd always thought Alice would turn up on my doorstep eventually. However, Alice never came, and as the weeks turned into months and the months into years, I'd forced myself to consider the fact that maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe they'd never cared as much about me as I'd believed. And so I'd banished every thought of ever seeing them again.

I'd also thought about contacting the clan in Denali. Alaska was their territory, and I didn't want to intrude—or be mistaken for a threat—but I was afraid they'd tell the Cullens, and that wouldn't do. I always went as far away as possible to hunt, and so far I didn't seem to have attracted their attention.

But now… I would have been nice to have someone I could ask for help. I'd always counted on Jacob being there although I'd known all along that Sam would put and end to our relationship eventually. I should have prepared for it, but I hadn't.

I shouldn't have assumed Victoria would leave me alone, but I had.

Mistakes over mistakes.

I parked the car in front of Mrs Morris's small cottage. I reached for the door, but I didn't open it. The minute I did I'd know if another vampire had been here, and I didn't want to deal with it. I wanted to go home and shower and sit in front of the window just like I did any other night.

But what if—maybe—it hadn't been a vampire?

"Thanks, dear," Mrs Morris said, pushing open the door. "Darn," she muttered as she stepped out of the car into the ice cold night. I just sat there frozen, hands still on the steering wheel. My nostrils flared. I clenched my teeth together, fighting down a snarl. I'd been foolish enough to hope that the man Mrs Morris had seen might not have been a vampire after all; now my hope shattered and was replaced by despair so heavy and dark and ugly I couldn't breathe. I was going to die as soon as Victoria grew tired of her games. I _knew_ I was, and there was nothing I could do.

Well, there was. I could seek her out, surrender. If I did, maybe she'd stop killing.

And maybe not.

I got out of the car to carry Mrs Morris's groceries inside, watching my house, which was dark and silent, from the corner of my eye. I couldn't see or hear a thing, at least nothing that would indicate the presence of a vampire.

Which, of course, didn't mean anything.

After I'd said goodnight I got my bag, locked the car—one of those silly human habits you just can't get rid of; as if I wouldn't be able to track it down if it was stolen—and crossed the street. As I reached for the simple wooden gate I recoiled and hissed. The vampire Mrs Morris had seen hadn't been alone. I was able to detect at least one other scent—maybe even a third.

I made up my mind within seconds. I'd run. I didn't want to. I'd settled here because I'd hoped I'd be able to stay for at least three or four years, until people would notice I didn't age; then I'd have to leave anyway. I was aware that I'd only delay the inevitable. Victoria would catch up with me eventually. I wasn't stupid enough to believe she'd give up if she didn't find me. She wanted revenge, and being a vampire myself and having experienced the intensity of our emotions I knew why she'd never stop. Why she _couldn't_ stop. If someone killed Edward I would do the same, even knowing I was of no importance to him anymore. No, I just didn't want to die yet. I wasn't afraid of death; I'd never had been. I was afraid of how much pain it would cause Jacob—and Charlie, too—if I was truly gone. And I didn't want Victoria to kill any more girls and young women just because they happened to look like me.

I went inside, made sure I was alone, then dashed up the stairs. I didn't bother to switch on the lights; I didn't need them and right now I really didn't care what Mrs Morris might think. I'd never see her again anyway. I wouldn't be able to take anything with me, so I'd send everything I owned back to Forks. Luckily, I'd never unpacked the boxes Jake had sent back to my once I had an address again.

I went into my study first and froze. I knew my house had been searched, I just hadn't realised how thoroughly. The stacks of books had been moved around, and the drawers of my desk had been emptied on the floor. I kept my diploma in the top drawer, but it wasn't there. The boxes in my spare bedroom had been cut open and their contents taken out. Again a few things were missing. Why would Victoria want my stuff? It was of no use to her.

I entered my bedroom and when I saw the letters and pictures I kept in the blue box on the dresser, things that were of great value to me, scattered on the bed I wanted to cry. My eyes started to burn, and a dry sob rose in my throat. I took the only picture I had of Charlie and me, my hand trembling slightly. The letters, most of the other pictures and even the handful of e-mails my friends from Pasadena—they'd given up eventually, because they's never received a reply—had written to me and the vampire had printed out from my computer had been put into chronological orders. I frowned. Why would he do that? Had he been ordered to search for people Victoria could go after, people who were close to me?

I was tossing them back into the box—I'd only take a few pictures with me—when I heard the quietest of steps in the hall, the kind of steps only a vampire was capable of. I froze only for a second, my brain already going over the options I had. I could grab what I could and jump out the window. I could also stay and fight, but I didn't know if I'd even stand a chance. I'd never fought before, and instinct alone wouldn't help me in a fight against someone who actually knew what he was doing.

It was settled, then. I'd run. However, I'd try to get a good look at him before I did. It might help to know who I'd have to run from. I folded the pictures and letters I'd take with me together and shoved them in the pocket of my pants, pants that were neither suitable for running through the forest nor fighting. I could sense him standing behind me and briefly wondered why he hadn't attacked yet, then I turned.

I gasped. My arms closed around my torso as my empty chest exploded, the pain suddenly as intense as it had been when he first left, maybe even more. I stared at him and didn't know what to say.

Edward.


	7. Discoveries

A/N: I really hope you're not going to hate me after this chapter, because you'll have to wait for Bella's reaction just a little bit longer! This chapter was really difficult to write, mostly because of Edward's POV, so I hope you'll like it. While writing it, I mostly listened to Florence and the Machine ("Howl"), just in case you want to know how to get you in the mood! ;-) Sorry if they're any mistakes, but it's late, and I'm tired and I wanted to post it before I got to bed. I'll read through it again tomorrow; hopefully it's not too awful.

I got so many reviews last time, which I'm still very happy about, so thanks again, and keep them coming! ;-)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

7. DISCOVERIES

EDWARD

No.

A little word, yet it seemed to consume—no, devour my entire being, leaving nothing but cruel, empty darkness behind.

No.

I flinched back. The picture fell from my hands, a young Native American whose name, I remembered finally, was Jacob Black smiling up at me. I wanted to tear my eyes away from it, away from the lines of the letter. I couldn't.

No.

I'd left to keep her safe. I'd left and put myself and my family through so much pain so she could live happily ever after, could have that kind of family I would never be able to give her.

No.

I didn't hear Jasper on the stairs. I didn't even hear him enter the room. His mind—as consumed with pain and despair and vast, black emptiness as my own—didn't make sense to me. I felt his hand on my shoulder, heard him calling out to me, yet I couldn't move, couldn't even acknowledge his presence.

"Edward?" he said as he shook me. "Edward, what's wrong?"

I turned my head—slowly, as if I'd forgotten how to move—to see Carlisle rush into the little room, alarmed by Jasper's troubled voice. I saw my own face in his mind, blank and empty and dead, and his fear as he realised he'd seen that expression before—the day I'd asked them to leave Forks, the day I'd left my family. He glanced at Jasper, who shook his head, then around the entire room, trying to determine the source of my agony. He didn't want me to suffer. He didn't want me to leave again.

He didn't want to lose me.

His gaze fell upon the tiny wooden figurines on the dresser.

He stepped closer, eyes widening in surprise. I wanted to raise my arm, wanted to yank him back—he mustn't know, mustn't know that everything I'd done had been all for nothing—yet it wouldn't obey. Helplessly I watched him pick up one of the tiny, beautifully carved figurines, a part of him admiring the craftsmanship even as he took in the familiar yet unexpected scent, and even I could sense his curiosity as he asked himself the very same question I had. _Why would a vampire have these?_ In a moment he'd know what I'd done, and panic welled up in my chest. I had to stop him, I just _had_ to but I couldn't move.

That moment never came.

"I'm sorry," he said, put the wooden wolf back on the dresser as carefully as he'd picked it up, and turned, his expression sympathetic. He assumed the familiar stench of werewolf had woken painful memories. I felt hysterical laughter bubble up in my chest and fought to choke it back down. Carlisle never even saw the blue box, not consciously, and the relief was unbelievably overwhelming. He thought he knew what had prompted my reaction, but he didn't.

He didn't.

Jasper's thoughts, which suddenly began to make sense again, were puzzled. He didn't know what to make of my strange emotional state—dread and despair followed by overwhelming relief—and glanced at Carlisle, who quietly shook his head. He'd explain later.

"I'm sorry," he said again and put his hand on my shoulder as well, trying to comfort me. "Let's go. Jasper can wait for the vampire. You don't have to stay."

"No," I said, suddenly able to speak again. "I'll wait. I'm just as curious as you."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I tried to sound as reasonable as possible, even forced a smile on my face. It was impossible to fool Jasper, but Carlisle believed I had myself under control again. He was glad I'd volunteered—he thought I spent far too much time alone in my room—but he didn't like the idea of leaving me alone. "Jasper," he began, but Jasper quickly shook his head. He wanted to get as far away from me as possible. My emotions were depressing him. He didn't put it quite this way, of course; he knew Carlisle would have disapproved. "Maybe Esme could keep you company?" he suggested eventually.

"I believe she has an appointment this afternoon," I said. Esme had been asked to restore an old building somewhere south of Anchorage, and knowing my mother she probably wouldn't be back until sometime late tonight.

"I'll call as soon as I've talked to her," I promised, and Carlisle, who found himself out of options, had no other choice but to give in.

I didn't accompany them back to the car, but I did follow them outside to see them off. When they had disappeared between the trees, I turned to face the house again. I didn't know why I'd insisted on staying. Yes, I was curious. But what did I expect to happen? Nine excruciating years I'd stayed away, believing I'd done the right thing and trusting she was living happily ever after just as she deserved—for if I didn't, then what was the point of me leaving her, of tearing my family apart, of so much pain?

And now… Now she was a vampire, the very thing I'd never wanted her to become. I'd left to make sure Alice's vision of the future would never come true, but I realised now that the decision to change Bella had never been mine to make. Alice… I frowned. I'd asked her not to look out for Bella's future, but she wasn't able to block it out completely, never had been, so she should have seen _something_. Why hadn't she? If she'd known—if _I_'d known—I might have been able to stop it.

Nine years of pain and despair and misery. All for nothing.

"Bella," I whispered. I realised, of course, what this meant, what it _could_ mean. We could be together again if only she'd take me back. Would she? Would she still want me. I'd told her I didn't love her anymore, a lie, but necessary at the time. I'd told her that I loved her a hundred times, yet she'd believed the lie so easily. And what if she'd fallen in love with someone else as I'd meant her to?

I walked back to the front of the house, which was tucked neatly into the forest, almost as if the trees had reached out to embrace it. The wooden gate and part of the dark roof were visible from the street; you wouldn't see the house itself, not really, unless you knew it was there. The perfect home for a vampire. In front of the gate I paused, right hand on the handle; the old woman who lived across the street was awake now and peering out her kitchen window, watching me. I pressed the handle down, and the gate swung open, squealing almost inaudibly. I half-turned and caught a glimpse of blue eyes in a thin face framed by white hair; her mind was sharp and clear despite her obvious age. Seeing my face, she smiled. I quickly averted my gaze, leapt up the front stairs, two at a time, and disappeared behind the trees.

_A lovely young man_, she thought kindly.

I snorted. Neither 'young' nor 'man' were attributes I'd ever apply to myself, let alone 'lovely'. I turned, knees already bent to launch myself up and inside through the open bathroom window again.

_It's about time she had a date, poor girl_.

Bella's face appeared in her mind so unexpected I cringed as if I'd been tasered. I crumpled to the wet ground as my body went limp, and buried my head in my arms, fists clenched. I didn't breathe. I couldn't. Her face, oh, her face was just as breathtakingly beautiful as I remembered it, yet it was different. Her features were perfect. I couldn't detect a trace of her face's former human imperfection I'd loved so much. Her cheeks, which were pale as ice, would never blush, would never betray her emotions again. And her eyes… Her eyes, once brown and gentle, now golden and bitter, so bitter. Her expression, although she was smiling in that woman's memory, was sad, sad and empty, and in her expression I suddenly recognised my own which I had seen reflected in my family's minds a million times. I'd destroyed her life. I'd allowed myself to love her, and I'd killed her. If I hadn't, if I hadn't given in, she'd still be alive. Alive and happy and well.

No, a tiny part of my mind insisted, she wouldn't. She'd have been dead for almost ten years, crushed to death by Tyler Crowley's van in the school parking lot.

Eventually, I managed to stand up, slowly as if my body wasn't sure how to execute the movement properly, as if I'd been thrown off-balance and hadn't yet regained it. I leaned into the wall for support, pressing my forehead against the cool stone, which didn't feel cool to me at all. I didn't know when Bella would return, how much time I'd have to figure out what to do, what to say.

At least, and I almost smiled as overwhelming relief washed over me once again, she hadn't murdered those women. Her golden eyes were proof of that. I knew how hard it was, saw how hard Jasper still struggled to resist the temptation of human blood, even after all these years, and I was glad—and proud—that Bella had chosen to follow our lifestyle.

However, if she hadn't killed those women, then who had?

I had to call Jasper and Carlisle, tell them what I'd learnt so Jasper could begin his search anew. It was the responsible, the right thing to do. But I didn't. I couldn't tell them whose house we'd broken into, not yet. I wasn't ready to face their disappointment. Would they be able to forgive me for what I'd put them through? Would I be able to forgive myself? _Tell them_, I told myself, _and just get it over with_. Alice already knew, had probably seen me tell them at some point in the future—and I had to tell them eventually—and I couldn't ask her to keep secrets for me.

My cell phone chimed. I knew it was Alice before I'd even slid it open. Who else could it have been? I read the message she'd written and felt my heart swell with gratitude. I didn't deserve a sister like Alice, didn't deserve her kindness, not after how much I'd hurt her. _I won't tell them until you're ready_, she'd texted. I_'m so sorry I didn't see it. I'll be home in the morning. Tell her I love her_. No, I truly didn't deserve Alice's kindness.

I climbed back inside. I was tempted to return to her bedroom at once and read the letters which would hopefully tell me more about the years we'd spent apart, but I forced myself to be thorough. I picked up the white blouse again and pressed the fabric against my face. Her scent was different, less human, yet I was able to detect a familiar note now that I knew it was hers, and it was just as tempting, but in a very different way. I tossed it over the towel rack, then opened the small mirror cabinet above the wash basin. It was full of things you'd expect to find in there, things you'd find in each or our bathrooms as well. An extra toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash, dental floss, moisturiser and washing lotion, band-aids, Tylenol, and even a boy of tampons. Props, of course. She didn't need any of these items.

I decided to take a look at the first floor before reading the rest of the letters. Jasper and Carlisle had shown me what they'd found, but I wanted to see for myself. However, there wasn't much to see. A small TV and a black leather sofa with matching armchairs took up the corner farthest from the stairs, and white shelves lined the walls, yet every single one was empty. A door to my left led into the dining room that opened into the kitchen; the appliances, of course, were new and unused. Every single room was nicely furnished. In fact, Esme couldn't have done a better job. And yet something was missing. I glanced at the blank shelves, the blank walls. No books, no pictures, no personal items whatsoever. The entire first floor, and also the entire second floor, I realised, except maybe for that box of letters and the boxes I'd found in the spare bedroom, held absolutely nothing which would tell a visitor much—anything, in fact—about the life and the past of woman who lived here; it was almost as if she didn't have an identity, as if she didn't exist, not really.

The inside of the house, just as the outside, was in perfect repair. The walls had been painted recently, the banister and the white shelves revarnished, and there wasn't a single divot in the polished hardwood floor. It was perfect, and yet a strange sense of loss, of emptiness suddenly befell me, which I couldn't shake and which, for once, didn't have anything to do with my own feelings at all.

I returned upstairs, anxious now to read the letters. As I went by the study my gaze fell on the neatly stacked piles of medical books and journals I hadn't paid much attention to before. I knew most of them; you'd find them in Carlisle's extensive library as well. Were they hers? Did she work in the medical field? Was she a doctor now? The thought made me smile. A doctor. Where had she gone to school? What had she specialised in? Had she made the right choice? Was she happy?

And then my smile fell. No, she wasn't. I'd seen it in her eyes in that woman's memory. Whatever she did now, whatever her life was like now—it didn't make her happy. She'd built a future for herself, a future that had fallen apart when she was changed. She couldn't work as a doctor anymore. Not after so short a time as a vampire.

If only I'd never allowed her into my world.

I searched the rest of the study, drawer by drawer, file cabinet by file cabinet. I found her diploma which I placed gently on the empty desk, and in the bottom drawer a tiny MacBook that hadn't been used in a very long time; it was an older model, and it was covered in dust so thick the silver casing was nearly invisible. I flipped it open, anyway. I didn't find much on it, though, mostly e-mails and not very many. Having located the printer, which, too, was sticky with dust, underneath the desk, I printed them out.

I shut the door behind me when I left the room.

In front of the bedroom I hesitated. I didn't know when Bella would return, and I wanted to read the letters before she did, but I didn't know if I'd be able to return, if she'd want to see me again, and I wanted to learn as much about her as possible.

I opened the door. It wasn't very late yet, but it was already growing dark, and only a faint ray of fading daylight illuminated the little rooms. Removing the old tape, I opened the boxes one by one, and here they were. Finally. Her belongings. Books I'd seen her read, clothes I'd seen her wear, things I remembered from her little bedroom in Forks. And her scent, her human scent which still clung to them, was still intact, a scent I'd imagined so many times, but my memory hadn't done it justice.

I had her back. I _could_ have her back if she still wanted me.

And if she didn't… Wasn't it arrogant of me to assume that she'd come back to me? I'd left her, lied to her, told her I didn't want her anymore. Why would she take me back?

Sitting amid the pieces of Bella's past I wondered, not for the first time but without brushing the thought aside again at once, if I'd made a mistake. So many things had happened. Things I'd never wanted to happen. Things that might not have happened if only I'd stayed.

I sat there for a very long time. When I glanced out the window again, the sky was black, and I made myself stand up. The letters, I reminded myself. I took her battered copy of _Romeo and Juliet_; I couldn't make myself let go of it.

Back in her bedroom I carefully emptied the box on the bed, dozens of letters, most of them written in Jacob Black's untidy scrawl, and literally hundreds of pictures tumbling onto the blue bedspread. I set the letter I'd read before aside, the reached for the next and unfolded it. It was just over two years old, the oldest I realised, and from a woman called Olivia. _Bella_, she wrote, _where the hell are you? Linda said you quit! Why would you do that? What happened? Linda's been trying to contact you. She's called your father at least half a dozen times, and that friend of yours, too. Jacob, right? They said they didn't know anything. Please let me know you're alright. We miss you terrible. Love, Liv_. I suddenly remembered the name from the e-mails I'd printed out earlier; in fact, almost all of them were from Olivia, too.

The next letter was from Charlie. B_ella, what's going on? Where are you? Jake told me you quit! Why would you do that? Why aren't you answering your phone? Please call! I'm worried. I love you, Charlie_. I swiftly went through the rest of the pile, arranging the letters in chronological order to establish a timeline, then began reading again.

Apparently Bella had lived in Pasadena up until two years ago, then she'd quit her job and left, disappearing from the face of the earth for an entire year. I assumed that's when she was changed. Most of her first year as a vampire, I deduced from a letter Jacob had written, she had spent wandering around; then she'd settled here. She seemed to have broken off contact to her father but apparently had stayed in touch with Jacob Black, which the leader of his pack didn't much care for.

I focused on the pictures then. I found one of Bella and Charlie, arm in arm, at high school graduation, Bella wearing the most hideous yellow robe. Still human, her cheeks flushed as always. Most of the pictures were of Jacob Black and his pack, people I didn't know or had only briefly met, people Bella seemed to have become friends with. It didn't shock me as much as it should have that she'd befriended a pack of werewolves even though thinking about the danger they'd posed to her made a shiver run down my spine. Bella had always been a magnet for trouble—I should have known that removing myself from the equation wouldn't keep her from getting into potentially life-threatening situations.

My Bella.

No, she wasn't mine anymore. I had no right to call her mine.

A car pulled up outside. I hadn't heard a car outside all day, and while I didn't know if it actually was Bella my breath caught in my throat again. I forced myself to take a deep breath, then another one and another one, trying to calm down. It didn't work. "You can do this," I told myself as I darted down the dark hallway, but my voice didn't sound very convincing, not even to myself.

I quietly slipped out the open window into the cold air and leapt into the spruces which hid the house from view. Their twigs didn't so much as rustle as I swiftly climbed up as far as the tree would allow. When its top began to bend under my weight I stopped. I pulled up my knees, supporting my weight with my right hand; the left carefully parted the now snow-clad branches half in inch, just enough for me to see a sleek black Porsche parked against the curb. I whistled quietly. For someone who'd once driven an ancient chevy this was quite an improvement.

Then again I didn't know a single vampire who didn't like driving fast.

The car was dark. I saw the silhouettes of two people, one obscured by the headrest of the seat. The the passenger door opened. The old woman climbed out of the car, her white hair like a bright beacon against the black sky. She held on to the frame as she took a very unsteady step. The ground was wet and slippery, and she was concentrating very hard on not falling down, but her gaze swept across the interior of the car, and I saw her face again, Bella's beautiful pale face, and her eyes, black as pitch. I saw her eyes wide in alarm and her hands tighten around the steering wheel, then the woman turned, and Bella disappeared from my view.

Finally Bella stepped out of the car as well. Her body was tense, her expression anxious. I frowned, parting the branches a little further as if that would enable me to read her face properly; her silent mind was still a mystery to me. She closed the door and went to the back of the car, all the while glancing at her house like an animal that's been trapped. She'd have smelled me, of course, and Carlisle and Jasper's lingering scents, too, but there was no need to be afraid. She could defend herself now, couldn't she?

She carried her neighbour's grocery bags inside, two at a time, always careful to maintain the human facade. The old woman was worried as they exchanged their goodbyes. She'd noticed that Bella was nervous, had been since she picked her up earlier, and she was wondering if she should invite her to stay for dinner; she didn't like the thought of Bella alone in that old house at all. However, Bella had already declined several invitations, and she was afraid to ask again. She didn't want to appear rude

I watched as Bella crossed the street, and with every step she took, her movements became slower as if she had force herself to move at all. Reaching for the gate, she froze entirely, yet only for a second, then recoiled. A feral hiss tore through the quiet of the night, and my eyes widened in surprise. What was going on? For a moment she stared at her house with no expression at all, her pony tail bobbing violently in the wind—I realised, with a shock, that it was her I'd seen at the hospital this morning; why hadn't Carlisle noticed the presence of another vampire, so close to him?—then pushed open the gate, leapt up the steps, unlocked the door and darted inside.

I followed her. She hadn't switched on the lights, yet in the purple of the night I saw everything as clearly as in broad daylight. I crept down the hallway, careful not to make any noise, but when I heard a strangled sound I rushed into the bedroom as quickly as I could. And there she was, no more than five feet from me, her back to me. She had to know I was standing here, had to be aware of my presence, and yet she didn't move at all, didn't even breathe. She wore clothes that fit her well, matched her pale skin and dark hair. Her figure was more womanly then I remembered, fuller, and her hair was longer, too, and a richer brown.

She spun in a movement so quick it didn't exist, legs apart and knees bent, arms half-raised in front of her, a position of self-defence, yet fear twisted her beautiful features, fear so intense I flinched back. Why was she so scared? What was wrong?

She stared at me, her black eyes anxious. Then surprise, astonishment even, swept across her face and her fear away, her features, however, betraying her emotions only for a second, before her expression went blank. She didn't relax. Instead she wrapped her arms around her chest like iron clamps, the movement automatic as if she'd executed it a hundred times, as if she did't even think about it now, her black eyes staring at me.

She didn't say a single word.


	8. Past

A/N: And finally the conclusion. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I was busy. I hope you enjoy it! Besides, I wanted to say thank you to all those people who wrote reviews or added me or my story to their fav lists! Thanks, guys! It means a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything; it's all property of Stephenie Meyer.

8. PAST

BELLA

No.

A little word, yet as it echoed through my mind it drowned out every other conscious thought.

No.

Why was he here? What did he want?

My brain, despite being temporarily preoccupied, delivered the answers immediately. The article. He must have read it and decided to take action; it's what he, what his family would do. He'd come across my scent and, thinking it was the killer's, followed it here. My gaze fell on the pictures and letters on my bed, which he'd arranged according to date. He had discovered it was me, so he'd decided to wait for me to come back. He had to make sure I wasn't the killer.

At least it hadn't been Victoria after all.

I should have felt relieved, but as I was standing there, facing Edward, my muscles frozen in place even though my instincts were screaming at me to run, I couldn't help wishing that he had, for if I were dead at least I wouldn't have to feel the pain, the despair I'd thought I had under control ripping through my body, tearing the hole in my chest open again.

I'd never thought, never expected to see him again. I'd never wanted to—not after I'd finally gotten better—because I'd known it would make things so much harder for me, so much more painful. I felt my fists clench and was glad he couldn't see how much his presence bothered my; my arms were still crossed in front of my chest to keep it from falling apart, my hands hidden. Why was he here? Why had he decided to stay behind, and why had the others—whoever had been with him—decided not to? My brain helpfully answered that question, too. I was no longer important to them just as I'd always suspected, for if I were they would have been here. It was just Edward, who'd left me in the forest, broken; just Edward, whose face was blank as he stared at me, devoid of any emotion, no doubt trying to hide his disgust at having to be here because his family didn't want anything to do with me; just Edward, who didn't love me anymore; just Edward, the only man I would ever love, as long as I lived.

I had imagined what it would be like to meet him again; I would be lying if I said I hadn't. Lying awake at night as a human and sitting in front of the window, staring outside into the dark now I sometimes thought about what I would say to him, what I would say to any member of his family, should I ever happen to meet them again. I'd never allowed myself to believe he'd take me back; I neither an idiot nor masochistic. Now, however, I didn't remember the words, didn't even remember how to speak. I wanted to tell him to get the hell out of my house, but I couldn't.

Wasn't Victoria's return enough? Why did I have to deal with Edward as well?

I made myself look into his face, his eyes. He was as beautiful as I remembered him, of course, even more now that I was no longer half-blind, and yet his face was empty and his eyes, golden, not black as mine, full of pain. He wore an expression I knew well; I'd seen it a million times whenever I happened to glance into a mirror. He wasn't well; I could see that. But why?

And why did I care?

No more than a second had passed since I turned, no time at all for a human, but forever for a vampire. We were facing each other, motionless, my arms still wrapped around my torso, Edward's limp by his side as if he didn't have the strength to raise them. Neither of us moved and neither of us spoke. In fact, there was no sound at all, not even the sound of our breathing. I didn't want to be the one to break the silence. He'd broken into my home, my sanctuary. He was the intruder.

However, in the end I did speak first, unable to stand the silence any longer. I forced my arms to relax and folded them behind me back, pretending to be calm, indifferent, hoping Edward still couldn't read my mind—maybe my transformation had taken the gift of privacy away from me—and would remain ignorant of the turmoil raging inside me. "What do you want?"

He winced as if he'd been hit. Was it my voice? It was clearer than he'd remember it, more melodious than before, a tiny, almost insignificant compared to everything else that had changed when I became a vampire, but still a change. Edward didn't answer. I'd never seen him speechless, not ever, and I had to smother a mile; then I remembered how uncharacteristic it was of him not to know what to say, and the urge to laugh was instantly replaced by worry. He'd left me, he'd told me he didn't love me anymore, and although I hadn't seen him in nine years I felt worried because he wasn't his usual confident self? I wanted to be angry, but how could I? He'd broken up with me because he didn't love me anymore; was it his fault I was still irrevocably in love with him? It wasn't, and I had no right to be angry, and that's why I couldn't. My empty chest, however, was on fire, the pain intenser than it had been in years.

"I'm here to talk to you," he said eventually, and my eyes widened. I'd tried to remember his voice, but hearing it now I knew I'd never remembered it correctly. I forced the mask of indifference back on my face, however.

"More than talk, obviously," I replied, incline my head at the letters and pictures he'd laid on the bed, amazed at how calm my voice was. "You had no right to read my private mail."

"I know," he said, which wasn't what I'd expected; the Edward I'd known would never have admitted that he was wrong because he simply didn't believe that he could ever be wrong about something. "I'm sorry. We know about the murders," he added after a moment; his voice was as expressionless as my own. "I know you didn't do it," he said, at the same time as I said, "I didn't kill them." Edward smiled, his expression softened for just a second, and pain, hot and searing, tore at my empty chest. I didn't allow the despair to reach my face; I managed to keep it blank and indifferent, and Edward's smile, the smile I'd missed so much, faded.

I glanced outside into the colourful darkness, averting my gaze; I didn't know if I'd be able to hide the pain for much longer, and I didn't want him to see it, didn't want him to witness my breakdown. "I think you should leave now," I said, no longer looking at him. "Please don't come back."

He didn't reply, but I heard him turn and move toward the door; there he paused. "Alice asked me to tell you that she loves you," he said, and then he was gone.

Alice asked me to tell you that she loves you.

Alice. I'd missed her so much, still missed her. I'd had friends and acquaintances, but I'd never really had a friend like her, and when they left I'd found myself desperately longing for her company. I'd wanted her to come back just as much as I'd wanted Edward to come back, and at first I'd refused to believe that maybe, just maybe, Alice didn't love me as much as I loved her. In the end, however, I'd given in.

Alice asked me to tell you that she loves you.

Did she? If so, then why wasn't she here? Why had she never come back? Alice must have seen Victoria's decision to attack me, and she must have seen what would happen to me. Why hadn't she been there to stop her?

Why was it still so hard even after all these years?

I looked at the bed again, the letters and e-mails he'd read, the pictures he'd gone through although he'd had no right to; he was no longer part of my life and my past none of his business, and still he'd intruded. Why? He didn't care about me anymore, he'd told me so himself, so why did he care about my past now, about what had happened to me? I wrapped my arms around my chest again to keep it together. It hurt, it hurt so badly, worse than it had in years; a vampire's capacity to feel, truly feel emotions, was greater than a human's who'd never be able to experience every facet of it the way a vampire could. You're thirsty, a small part of my mind said, the rational part which was still capable of thinking around the pain, around the despair threatening to engulf me, it's always worst when you're thirsty. It was, yes, it was, and suddenly I knew what to do. I never should have let myself go without food for so long.

I dashed to the closet, pulling out a pair of old jeans and a black shirt which would survive a run through the forest even as I yanked my blouse off my shoulders and my slacks off my legs. I darted out of the room, grabbing my purse which held my car keys as I did, down the stairs and back into the night, and then I was back in my car, the key already in the ignition. I brought my foot down on the accelerator. The Porsche leapt forward, going forty before I'd even left my street, ninety as I rounded the corner. The car swerved sideways; the street was wet and muddy with greyish snow, and I yanked the steering wheel around and narrowly avoided crashing into a parked Ford.

At this time of day traffic moved sluggishly, and the weather didn't do a thing to help matters. I weaved through the throng of cars going a hundred miles an hour, way too fast, but I had to get away, had to get out of the city right now, and I got lucky. I didn't pass a single radar trap, and despite the weather no traffics cops seemed to be on duty tonight, and I was out of the city in less then fifteen minutes. It didn't occur to me then that I was risking other people's lives—if I totalled the Porsche, I could walk away without a scratch on me, but whoever I took with me wouldn't be so lucky—I was too focused on getting away.

Anchorage lay behind me. I turned off the headlights and floored it, racing down the familiar road, the border only a few hundred miles away. I tried not to think, cranking up the music until my ears hurt, and I succeeded. Almost. My thoughts would stray back to Edward, my past, and I'd yank them away and try to focus on what lay ahead instead of behind me. It wasn't easy.

I crossed the border without problems—I smiled at the officer, dazzled him so he'd forget what he'd wanted to ask; I rarely dazzled people, because it didn't seem fair to me, but now I didn't care—and gradually the landscape changed, became greener and denser, and suddenly the snow was gone, too. I knew the area well; my hunting grounds weren't far from here. I hid the car in its usual spot, dragging branches across it so nobody would accidentally stumble across it, wonder why someone would leave her Porsche parked in the middle of nowhere and call the police because he suspected foul play—which was the last thing I needed; how would I explain what I was doing out here? I didn't have a single piece of camping gear with me—and set off into the dark forest, slowly at first, then slower, the miles melting away under my feet.

I wasn't looking for anything specific; I would have settled for almost everything, a deer, maybe an elk. The scent I eventually came across, however, was better, much better, and I felt a little smile spread across my face. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, the cold air, saturated with the scent of a bear which hadn't gone into hibernation yet, streaming down my throat, and I allowed my senses to take over, and when I did my mind went blank, my problems momentarily forgotten, every single aspect of my being focused on the hunt now.

I loved to hunt. I hadn't in the beginning, though. I'd seen Bambi, and the prospect of killing an innocent little deer had horrified me, curiously much more than killing a human who accidentally crossed my path while I was on the hunt and had little control over my actions ever had. Then again I'd never had a problem watching movies where people got killed—often in gruesome ways; Jake, like any other guy, enjoyed that kind of movies to an extent I'd sometimes found disturbing. I didn't anymore, though; things were sort of different when you were a monster yourself—but when the victim was an animal I had to leave the room. I'd gotten used to the idea, eventually. I'd had to; there just weren't that many bears out there, and none in winter, and after a while I didn't care what I killed anymore—as long as it wasn't human—and I'd discovered, after a few months, that I enjoyed hunting, enjoyed it a lot, because I didn't have to pretend to be something I was not, didn't have to measure my strength, and while I was glad that I was finally able to be among humans again, at least as long as they weren't bleeding, I sometimes missed the life I'd briefly led after I was changed. I needed to be among other humans, among people, but sometimes it was just so hard.

The scent, while already a few days old, was easy to follow, and it grew stronger and fresher the further I ventured into the forest, led by my senses alone as I ran, truly ran, at full speed which I rarely did, to catch up with my prey. I'd always wondered how Edward avoided crashing into a tree when I ran; I didn't anymore. Everything should have been blurry and indistinct, streaks of different colours at most, but even as I ran at what I estimated had to be several hundred miles an hour I saw every single tree, every bush, every stone and rock as clearly as if I was merely sauntering by. I was running so very fast, but it didn't feel fast to me at all. I paused briefly to determine whether I was upwind or downwind, and when I realised I was downwind and the bear would smell me approach and my instincts told me to run a circle and go at it from the other side, upwind, so it wouldn't even know I was there, I ignored them. After all it was unlikely, impossible really, that the bear would be able to harm me, and if my clothes got torn in the process, well, I could always order new shirts online. Besides, maybe wrestling a bear would ease some of the pain, some of the despair and frustration.

I could hear it move now, and I briefly wondered why it wasn't asleep, then decided I didn't care. I peeked through the lower branches of a spruce and saw the bear, not fifteen feet from me, nibbling tiny red berries off a bush. I didn't know if it had heard or smelled me; it suddenly reared up on its haunches, turning its head and bearing its sharp yellow teeth, the twig with the berries still clutches in its paws. It roared, a warning for me to go away, and I felt my smile widen and my lips pull back over my teeth, slick with venom pooling in my mouth, and then I charged. I landed on its broad, warm chest, and the bear toppled over, swiping its claws at me angrily, roaring out in fury. I felt its claws, each of them almost two inches long and sharp, rake over my skin, and my leather jacket fell off my shoulders, ruined beyond repair. I hauled the bear around, pressing it into the dirty ground, allowing it to throw me off, but only for a second, then, just when it had managed to get to its feet again, I leapt onto its back where it couldn't reach me. My arms closed around its thick neck, and I felt the blood pulse furiously underneath the skin. Its cries grew fainter, weaker, and its movements sluggish, and then it suddenly fell to the ground. I brushed my hair aside as I lowered myself over its neck, and greedily sucked the hot, sweet blood out of its body until I felt satisfied for the moment, the pain in my throat barely noticeable now, and the pain in my chest not nearly as strong as it had been before.

I sat back, breathing heavily. I'd get rid of the body, and then what? I didn't know what to do next. I didn't want to go home yet, afraid Edward might still be there—he'd never been very good at doing what he was told—and I didn't want to face him again. I knew I'd have to eventually, even though I hoped otherwise, but if they were in Anchorage now it was only a matter of time until I ran into one of them again, if only by accident. And then there was still Victoria, of course.

No, I didn't want to return to Anchorage just yet. Maybe… No, I discarded the thought as quickly as it had occurred to me. I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to cross the border into Washington. Sam had insisted on it if Jake and I wanted to keep in touch. But… Things were different now, weren't they? Jake had been ordered to leave me alone, and I was no longer obliged to abide by Sam's rules. I'd have to be careful of course, and quick. Charlie would be asleep when I got there, but I couldn't risk talking to him anyway, so maybe if I could just see his face one more time… I missed him so much, and my human memories were so terribly hazy and blurry and almost gone, and I didn't want to forget my father.

I sat up, determined. I was going home.

I buried the bear under a tree, then made sure the car was still where I'd left it before I set off again; the border was less than a hundred miles away, no distance at all for a vampire, but I didn't travel as fast as before, because I needed time to think. I had to come up with a plan. After all, I couldn't just waltz into Forks; the pack would be watching—and if Jake had gotten my call, someone would be at my house, keeping an eye on my father—and while I didn't think they'd actually kill me, I wasn't sure, and experience had taught me not to rely on assumptions. I'd assumed Victoria wouldn't come after me again—then and now—and I'd been wrong. I knew it wasn't a very good idea to return to Forks. I'd seen the wolves in action, and even though I'd never actually seen them tear up a vampire I'd heard Jake's very detailed account of what they'd done to Laurent, and I didn't want to suffer the same fate. I was outnumbered, the treaty Jake had told me about didn't cover me, and Sam had been very clear about what would happen if I ever went back to Washington.

No, it wasn't a very good idea to return to Forks. I was aware that today's events were clouding my judgement, but I didn't know where else to go. I no longer felt safe in Anchorage, not just because of Victoria, but because of Edward and his family, too, and I didn't want to return just yet. Maybe I was making a mistake, but if I died tonight, then at least Victoria would have no reason to kill any more innocent people, and I was pretty sure being torn apart by a wolf the size of a horse couldn't be any more unpleasant than what Victoria had planned for me.

I snorted. "You're not being morbid at all," I told myself sarcastically.

Forks wasn't very far now. I'd covered fifty miles in less than two minutes, and the border was very close, but I wanted to go over my plan—if you could call it a plan—again, and I stopped, breathing as evenly as if I had been walking at a leisurely pace instead of running. It had been unnerving at first, not having to breathe any faster when you'd been running so fast, but I'd gotten used to it eventually. I suppose there weren't that many things you didn't get used to in the end. I stared into the dark forest in front of me, a hundred different shades of purple, beautiful in a way, but I didn't pay attention to it right now. I'd give La Push a wide berth, I decided, which was the pack's priority even if it meant taking a detour; Forks wouldn't be nearly as heavily protected as the reservation itself, which would it make easier for me to get in and get out before they even realised I was there. If Jake had received my call and managed to talk Sam into sending someone up to Forks to keep an eye on my father I might have to turn around and leave—and hope that whoever it was didn't jump me the second he smelled me—but maybe he hadn't, and even if he had there was a chance the house was temporarily unprotected (I'd chew Jake out later, of course, if that was the case); then I'd get in and out and leave and nobody would be the wiser. They'd know I'd been there, of course, because Jake was familiar with my scent, but I couldn't have cared less.

I snorted again. I wasn't just morbid, I was suicidal.

I scanned the forest, which was silent; they animals knew I was here by now and they instinctively avoided me, didn't even cry out, all of them silenced by fear. Nothing moved. "Now or never," I told myself and set off once more, running at full speed again, my feet barely touching the ground which was wildly overgrown. It felt as if I was flying, and I smiled, if only a little, for I loved running fast, which I rarely did, as much as liked driving fast. A vampire thing, I suppose. I didn't revel in the sensation now, however. I focused on my surroundings instead, my acute senses registering every noise, every sound, every scent. As I ran on, covering mile after mile, the landscape, a landscape which had once reminded me of an alien planet, became achingly familiar, and I was glad I'd returned, if only for the chance to replace my fading human memories, at least a handful of them, with a vampire's eternal ones.

I did cross several werewolf trails of varying age on my way in, however, none of them was recent, and I didn't find a fresh one—well, fresher—until I reached the town limits of Forks; apparently they'd changed their patrol patterns, and I briefly wondered why, then decided it was none of my business. Besides, who was I to look a gift horse—wolf?—in the mouth?

My father's house hadn't changed at all, but then Forks itself hadn't changed much, either. Aside from a few repainted houses the town was exactly as I remembered it. I approached the house carefully, always ready to bolt in case a giant wolf suddenly jumped out at me from among the trees, but I was alone (which meant I would have to leave Jacob another message later; I didn't want to tell him how to do his job, but he clearly wasn't doing it) and I quickly took the spare key out of its hiding place and unlocked the door to let myself in; no werewolf would fit into my father's little house—well, Seth might have, but he had outgrown his gangliness years ago—and they wouldn't want to risk waking him anyway, because he might see something he wasn't supposed to and start the rumours going again, and I felt instantly safer.

I smelled dust and spoilt food. I smiled and shook my head in mild exasperation. Apparently, some things never changed. Charlie's scent, the only human scent in here, was strongest, and I detected at least four, maybe five—I wasn't sure, because I had nothing to compare them with—different werewolf scents, one of them Jake's. I was glad they still spent time together; it meant that I didn't have to worry about Charlie's safety.

I glanced up the stairs, listening to the sound of Charlie's even breathing. He was fast asleep. Still, I moved as carefully as I could as I walked up stairs, slowly, one step at a time, my hand on the banister. On top of the stairs, I paused, considering where to go first, my room or Charlie's, but the latter win out. I hadn't seen him in two years, and I longed to see his face. I opened the door carefully, afraid it might squeal; it swung opened quietly, the hinges obviously recently oiled, and I stepped inside. I hovered in the doorway. I didn't want to go closer. He might wake up and see me and I had no idea what I'd tell him if he did. Charlie lay on his back, and I saw his face clearly. I swallowed. He'd changed so much since I last saw him. He'd aged. Deep lines were etched into his face even in sleep, and his hair was almost white in places. His skin was grey with age, almost ashen, and I didn't like the sound of his heart beat at all; I'd asked Jake to make Charlie go see a cardiologist.

"I love you, Dad," I whispered, turning to leave.

"I love you too, Bells," he sighed, stirring underneath the blanket, and I froze. Had he woken? I stared at his bulky frame, waiting for him to sit up, but he only rolled over on his side. I managed a sad smile. I hadn't known my father was talking in his sleep. I guess that's where I'd gotten my tendency to talk in my sleep from. I closed the door quietly behind me and took a deep breath before I went into my old room. I could tell nobody had been in here for years. Every surface was covered with a thick layer of dust, and the air smelled stale and old. The room held no personal belongings. I had taken everything with me when I went to college, things that now lay scattered on the floor of my spare bedroom floor because Edward had gone through them, too. It was still my room, though, and my own human scent lingered, a scent even I found very appealing—which I probably should have found weird, but didn't—and, although he hadn't been in here for nine years, even a trace of Edward's scent. It was very faint. I turned around, trying to locate the exact spot. He'd touched almost everything in here at some point, of course, but the room had been cleaned so many times. His scent shouldn't have been here. I went down on my knees to look under the bed—though I couldn't even imagine Edward crawling under it—and realised that it didn't come from there at all, but from underneath the floor. I stared at the old wooden floor for a moment, deliberating for a second, then shrugged, and carefully pried away the floorboard. It came away easily. I carefully lifted it up—and froze.

I'd thought he'd taken them with him, every material memory I had of him. I'd been wrong. He'd hidden it underneath the floor, the CD he'd made for me, the vouchers for plane tickets Esme and Carlisle had given me, and the pictures I'd taken, pictures showing Edward on glorious perfection beside my plain human self, her face red as usual.

I should burn them, I thought in a flash of anger, but it faded as quickly as it had come. I sat back and closed my eyes. I felt exhausted, tired even, and my chest ached dully, but I made myself stand up, gather the items and tuck them into an old jacket which I found at the bottom of my closet and which I hadn't worn since I was fourteen. I put the floorboard back and took one last look before I left and closed the door behind me. I wasn't going to come back, and I wanted to make sure I'd remember it.

I sighed as I stepped back out into the night. I locked the door and put the key back, then straightened and looked at the house again to burn it into my mind; I wanted to linger, watch my father sleep, but I knew I'd better leave. I turned and squawked, and Jake, despite his disapproving expression, snorted with laughter, and so did the wolves by his side, which, after a quick glance, turned out to be Embry and Quil, who always ran with him. I scowled at them, teeth bared just a little, which shut them up nicely. I smiled, a smile that quickly vanished when Jake growled at me, and it wasn't very hard to imagine what he was saying. I swallowed. At least they hadn't attacked me yet, which meant that either Sam didn't know I was here or hadn't given Jake specific orders yet.

"So…" I said, not knowing what to say. "Hi?" It sounded like a question. Jake butted his head into my chest in response, so hard I stumbled back, and I hastily shifted my weight, arms swinging awkwardly like windmills, to avoid crashing into the door. Quil huffed, amused. Jake snapped around, nipping his foreleg so hard he drew blood—which, thank God, didn't smell the least bit appealing to me—and Quil yelped in consternation. Embry grinned at me, clearly enjoying himself, and Jake sighed. They weren't taking the situation as seriously as he thought they should. It felt surreal, standing here in front of my father's house with three gigantic werewolves. I smiled a little. Jake glared at me, ears flat against his skull; he didn't think the situation was even the least bit funny at all. Well, I did. I glared back at him angrily, deciding that offence was the best defence.

"Did you get my message? Why wasn't anyone here when I came?" I put my hands on my hips and, raising my eyebrows at him, gave him the look I used—well, used to use—on kids kids who misbehaved while I was trying to examine them. It felt a little ridiculous to be honest, and Quil seemed to think so too, because all but howled with laughter, already having forgotten Jake's less-than-subtle hint to get a grip. The sound cut through the nightly silence like a knife. "Shut up!" I hissed at the same time Jake knocked Quil clear off the ground, hovering over him with bared teeth; Charlie was a heavy sleeper, but he wasn't deaf. He might not come running—he probably couldn't anymore—but he'd sure as hell take a peek out his bedroom window, and the last thing the pack needed were new rumours about giant wolves roaming the area. Quil grunted. An apology? This way of communicating was very tiresome.

"Look," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose to clear my head, "I know I'm not supposed to be here and I was just leaving anyway. It's just… I've had a really crappy day." I sighed. If only I were able to sleep, to escape reality for a few hours. The world might just look a little brighter after a few hours of rest. Or it might look just as dark as it did now. "I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with Sam."

Jake huffed. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. "You know," I said, "I'm not exactly an expert at canine communication."

Jake sighed, ignoring Quil and Embry's amused expressions, and stomped into the bushes, gesturing for me to follow. I glanced at the house for one last time, then wove through the undergrowth without making a sound, flanked by Quil and Embry, who, even though they were trying to be quiet, were still the size of ponies, and the bushes rustled and twigs snapped underneath their paws as they forced their way into the woods. I parked myself on a low-hanging branch to make room. Embry wedged himself under it so that my feet almost touched the fur of his neck, and Quil sat down where he was, hunched together to fit underneath a young spruce. He kept shifting his position; the tree's needles were bothering him despite his thick fur. Jake was nowhere to be seen. He was probably phasing. "How are you, guys?" I asked.

Embry managed to shrug, and the tree I was sitting on shook as he rammed his massive shoulder into the mossy trunk. "Same old same old?" I asked, and he nodded carefully.

"How's Claire?" I asked, the question directed at Quil this time. In response he grinned brightly. "I take it everything is great?" Yes, a very tiresome way of communicating.

Quil nodded vigorously.

"They're engaged," Jake said, finally emerging from behind the trees, wearing nothing but a pair of old sweats. I smiled sadly. Jake hadn't changed at all, and I wanted to fling myself into his arms and hug him, but I wasn't sure how he'd react to that and fought down the urge. Jake sighed, climbed over Quil and pulled me into a brief, but fierce hug; he was so tall that he had no problems reaching me even though I was sitting at least four feet above the ground. Wrinkling his nose, he pulled back. "Ugh. It's worse than I remembered," he said, rubbing his nose vigorously to chase the sent away.

"You don't exactly smell of roses either, dog!" I shot back. Quil and Embry snorted. I ignored them, and so did Jake. "I hope Sam's not too mad at you," I said after a while. "I'm sorry."

"Well, Sam kind of doesn't know yet," Jake admitted. "He took the night off and we, um, might have forgotten to wake him. He'll be really pissed, though, when he learns you were here," he continued and sighed again. "I'm not looking forward to that. Why did you come, anyway? I got your message, and I'm sorry nobody was here when you showed up, but that's kind of your own fault. Embry and Quil have been tracking you since you crossed the border—I'm surprised you didn't notice them—but they didn't know it was you, so…" He trailed off, shrugging.

"I didn't come to check up on you," I said. "It's just… I've had a really bad day and I didn't want to go home. First Victoria, and then…" I fell silent, unsure. Should I tell Jake about Edward? There wasn't anything he could do about it, but he'd be furious that nonetheless. Edward wasn't exactly on top of Jake's list of favourite people, and that had very little to do with the fact that he was a vampire.

"What?" Jake asked. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"I ran into Edward today," I whispered, and Jake's curious expression turned murderous. A low growl rose in his chest, and Quil and Embry snarled. "He broke into my house because he thought I might be behind those killings," I added quickly. "He doesn't know it's Victoria."

"I hope you told him to get the hell out of your life again," Jake replied, trying to hide how furious he was, but I could hear the anger in his voice anyway; I knew him as well.

"I told him to leave and not come back," I said quietly. I didn't know what Jake saw in my face. His anger evaporated almost instantly, and he pulled me into his arms again, half dragging me off the branch. "I'm so sorry," he muttered into my ear. "I wish I could allow you to stay, but…"

"It's alright." I straightened out of his embrace and leapt to the ground. Embry swiftly yanked his tail out of the way. "I couldn't stay anyway. I'll leave soon, I promise. I just wanted to see Charlie…" I shrugged. "Hey, do me a favour and convince him to go see a cardiologist."

"I will," Jake promised.

"And tell Sam I'm sorry. I won't come back. I just wish he'd allow us to stay in touch…"

"Yeah, me too," Jake sighed. "Sam's been under a lot of stress. We've been having trouble with vampires for a few weeks. Sam thinks the redhead is behind it now that you told us that she's after you again. He didn't mind that piece of information at all."

"I bet he didn't," I muttered.

Jake didn't answer, but his expression spoke volumes. Sam and Jake had been on better terms once, before I was changed; after that their relationship had quickly deteriorated. He'd never written about it in any of his letters, but then he didn't have to. I could read between the lines. Jake had begun questioning the way Sam led the pack, and it didn't make things any easier that Sam's position as the pack's Alpha was an assumed one. Jake was the rightful leader of the pack, and he was beginning to question his decision to leave the job to Sam, which Sam knew, of course, because Jake wouldn't be able to hide something that big, and it couldn't make their fragile relationship any easier. I knew Jake's position where vampires were concerned hadn't changed one bit, but neither had his position where I was concerned. I was still just Bella to him. Sam, however, didn't agree.

"I'd better leave now," I said eventually.

"Yeah," Jake agreed lamely.

I managed a ad smile. "See you around," I said, brushing my fingers over Quil and Embry's heads as I passed them, and then I started running again, away from Forks, from home, back to the border.

I didn't look back.

I was back at the car before sunrise. I left a message for Danielle to let her know that I'd be starting my weekend early, then drove on until I found a secluded motel where I rented a room. I didn't spend much time in it. I was glad to have a place to park the car, but I didn't need a place to sleep at. I ran and while I ran I'd tried to figure out what to do. It was hard. I couldn't decide what the best course of action was. I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. I was hunted by Victoria and haunted by Edward, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to evade either. Victoria wanted to kill me and she had to be dealt with before she could cause anymore damage, but I didn't know how. The Cullens were in Anchorage and I had no idea what to do when I ran into them again, either.

I didn't like it, not having a plan. It probably would have been better to leave Anchorage for good, but as Sunday turned into Monday I was on my way back. Maybe it was a mistake. Well, it definitely was a mistake, because I didn't stand a chance against Victoria. But I'd made my choice.

I didn't want to run away anymore.


	9. Secrets

**A/N**: And here's the next chapter. I actually wrote it before I wrote 'Past', and I hope there aren't any inconsistencies. Also, I don't know when I'll be able to post—or write—the next chapter. I already started and I'm positive I'll manage to at least partially finish it before Christmas, but after the holidays I'm going to be busy with school until February 15—very important exam!

I hope you enjoy 'Secrets'. I know I said before that I didn't like writing from Edward's POV, but this was actually very nice to write.

Thanks again for the reviews!

Merry Christmas everyone (just in case I don't manage to update before the holidays)!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything; it's property of Stephenie Meyer.

9. SECRETS

EDWARD

She'd asked me to leave.

I didn't know what I'd expected, what I'd hoped. If I'd thought she'd welcome me back with open arms I'd been a fool, yet as I slipped out the window into the dark, cold night, never looking back, never hesitating for I was sure that if I did I wouldn't be able to leave, I had to admit that part of me had hoped just that, however foolish the idea had been. Resisting the temptation to remain nearby, to find out what she'd do next, I leaped over the low fence around the back yard and slowly walked back the way I'd come earlier that day; Bella had asked me to leave, and I'd honour her request. That was the least I could do now.

When the house had disappeared behind the trees I stopped. I didn't want to go home. I wasn't looking forward to talking to my family and telling them what I'd discovered—lying about what I'd discovered—and was glad, and grateful, that Alice had offered to keep my secret until I was ready to reveal it. It wasn't fair on her, and it wasn't fair on the rest of my family, either, not after what I'd put them through. I knew that, yet the thought of confessing that everything I'd done, that all the pain I'd caused had been in vain made my insides churn unpleasantly. I should have told them, but I hadn't, and now that I'd actually seen Bella I couldn't. Not yet.

How much she'd changed… She'd become a vampire, but the changes ran deeper. She wasn't the same person I'd left in Forks. She was older now, more mature. She wasn't a girl anymore. And she was unhappy. I'd seen it in that woman's memory as well as in her own face. Was it because of what she'd become? Because of how her life had changed, had been torn apart, when she was turned? She must hate me for what had happened to her, for even if it hadn't been my venom condemning her to this life, this existence, who else was to blame but me? I'd pulled her into this world, a world she had no business in, and now she had to pay the price.

I walked on slowly through the silent night. Nobody was here, no mind calling out to me, distracting me. The forest canopy was so dense the ground was almost free of snow, and the animals had fled. I was alone. I hadn't been alone in a very long time, never actually since Emmett and Rosalie had dragged me back from Siberia. They'd made sure someone was always with me, and while they'd tried to hide it, however futile the attempt, I knew why. They were afraid I'd leave again, and they were afraid of what I might do once I'd left. I hadn't made plans, not really. Alice would know the second I decided, so I'd been careful not to decide _anything_, and when I finally had, two days ago, she _had_ known, and she hadn't liked at all what she'd seen. And now… Now that vision would never come true. My plans had suddenly become obsolete.

But… If killing myself could have changed the past and saved Bella from becoming a vampire, I would have done it, and gladly.

My family wouldn't agree, of course. They'd be happy to have her back, ecstatic even, and that was the second reason I didn't want to—couldn't—tell them the truth. How could I face their joy, their delight, when they were happy about the very thing I'd been trying, and failed, to prevent so hard?

"Why?" I whispered to myself and crumpled to the ground as I had before, clenching my fists so hard my knuckles stood out even paler against my pale skin, then my back arched as I roared, "WHY?" causing a flock of crows to abandon the trees in a hurry, crying out furiously. I sank back to the ground, breathing heavily. I felt empty, exhausted. I wanted to cry, wanted to curl up like a child and weep. It wouldn't change anything, wouldn't make the situation less desperate, but I didn't care. Everything had gone wrong, so horribly wrong, and there was nothing I could do about it. "Why?" I whispered again, my voice rough. Who'd done this to her? Why? Had he or she done it on purpose? By accident? I should have asked her, but looking at her face, her eyes, no longer brown but black with thirst, and her blank expression, I hadn't been able to find the words.

I turned to face the sky, the wet ground almost warm against my back. The clouds were gone; they usually vanished at night, revealing the stars hidden underneath. I let my fingers rake the damp earth and inhaled its rich, delicious scent, which reminded me of Siberia, and while my memories of that time were dark and bleak I found myself wishing I was back there, away from everything, alone.

I didn't know what to do. She'd asked me to leave, so how could I possibly return? The desire to hurry back to her was so very strong, yet her request kept me rooted to the spot. What was I supposed to do? Should I just go home? Talking to Alice might help, but she wouldn't return for another few hours, and facing my family now… I might be able to fool Esme and Carlisle, but Jasper… Never. He couldn't read my mind, but he'd read my emotions and he'd know something was wrong. I felt helpless, defeated, and a sob rose in my throat and broke free, the cry of a wounded animal that knew there was no way out of its predicament.

_I'm almost there_. Attuned to Alice as I was, I heard her call out to me in her mind before I heard her actually approach. "No," I croaked, trying to sit up. I didn't want her to see me like that, but my body wouldn't obey and she was already close, so close, and then she was kneeling on the dirty ground next to me in her expensive designer jeans, ruining them, running her fingers over my head ever so gently as dry sobs shook my chest.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered, pulling me against her tiny frame and curling protectively around me to rock me like a child. "I promise." She didn't object as I pulled her against me, sobbing into her neck, my eyes burning with tears I couldn't shed. "We'll sort this out," she continued, in a voice so soft it was barely audible. "I know we will."

—

It took me a very long time to calm down. Alice held me, rocking me like a child, comforting me until I had, then curled up against me as we both lay on the ground, staring at the dark blue sky. "I don't deserve you," I said eventually.

"Nobody deserves me," Alice replied, grinning smugly. I reached beside me, tousling her wet black hair, and although she'd known what I would do, she didn't pull away. Instead she pouted, wrinkling her nose just a little, and expression so adorable I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth, which was exactly what she'd intended. Alice stood up, and I let her pull me to my feet. We set off together, slowly walking side by side. "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you," she said after a while, which wasn't what I'd seen in her head, what she'd wanted to say, but I chose to pay no attention to what was going on inside her busy mind. "I didn't know exactly where you were, so I had to go by … the house to pick up on your trail."

"I'm glad you came," I replied, and I meant it. It wasn't very hard to imagine how Esme and Carlisle—or, God forbid, Rosalie and Emmett—would have reacted if they'd been the ones to find me, but I could trust Alice not to tell anyone. She didn't worry about me, not anymore. She truly believed everything was going to be alright. "I just… I didn't expect her to be so…"

"Indifferent?" Alice suggested quietly, and I nodded. "I caught most of it. I didn't know why I didn't see before, but I saw her enter her house and talk to you, and I even saw her go back to her car—nice ride, by the way—and drive away, and the bear-wrestling sequence was just cool, but she blurred out of sight again right after she'd disposed of the body…" She trailed off, raising her eyebrows. "Yes?" she asked politely, faintly amused. I saw my dumbfounded expression reflected in her mind, and almost smiled too.

"Bear-wrestling sequence?" I asked.

Alice grinned and replayed the entire vision for me, starting at the end of our conversation. I saw Bella stand in the middle of her bedroom, her face still wearing the same non-expression it had worn before. For a minute, maybe even two, she just stood there like a immovable statue, but then she did move, and her movements were so swift a human wouldn't have been able to seen her at all as she changed into a different set of clothes and hurried down the stairs and back into her car. I saw her race down the street and only narrowly avoid crashing into another car when her Porsche skidded around the corner because its tyres momentarily lost grip on the slick asphalt, then she was speeding down the street, already going ninety miles per hour.

Alice skipped ahead, and the vision changed. A forest, green and dense, but no snow, and I knew Bella wasn't in Alaska anymore. She parked the car, hiding it inside the trees, carefully concealing it so nobody would accidentally find it, then set off into the greenish thicket, slowly at first, then faster as she caught the scent of an animal, the bear Alice had mentioned. Her nostrils flared, her eyes widened. She flitted through the bushes, moving as quietly as a ghost, but she was going in from the wrong direction; the wind carried her scent directly to the bear, and in a second he'd smell her and would certainly attack. Not very subtle, something I'd expect Emmett to do, but not Bella. The bear realised he wasn't alone and reared up on its haunches, baring its yellow teeth. A predatory smile spread across Bella's face, and her lips pulled back over her teeth as well.

I flinched as she charged, and Alice patted my back. "It takes some getting used to, doesn't it?" she whispered, but I barely heard her as I watched, mesmerised, what happened next. Bella landed squarely on its broad chest. It toppled over, crying out in surprise. Its claws raked over her clothes, and her black leather jacket fell away, torn to shreds. Wrestling, they rolled over the dirty ground. Bella's arms closed around the bears thick neck. It roared out in anger, but it couldn't reach her as she was perched on its back, and eventually its cries grew fainter, its movements slower, sluggish. It fell to the ground with a solid thud, and Bella brushed back her dark her as she lowered herself over its neck to drink, her teeth piercing the bear's skin with ease.

"Sweet, huh?" Alice asked, grinning again. Her smile broadened at my baffled expression. "Anyway, she finished off the bear and buried it under a tree, and then…" The vision changed again. I saw Bella put a tree back into the ground, but even as she turned around to stride away, she faded out of sight, the vision turning indistinct and blurry, and then it was gone.

Alice scowled, frustrated. "I've been trying to look further ahead, but I can't seem to be able to find her, probably because she hasn't really decided what to do hours or days from now, but it's still strange she'd just fade away like that. I haven't got a clue why. It's never happened before."

"It is strange," I agreed.

"Anyway," Alice said, "I believe she'd have reacted that way no matter what you'd said or done. I could tell she wasn't happy to see you."

I sighed as I remembered our conversation, her blank expression, her indifferent voice. Alice was right, of course, but then I shouldn't have expected her to be happy to see me.

"I can't tell you what to do until I my visions work again," Alice said very softly. "If I were you I'd leave her alone, though, at least for now." There was something else she'd meant to say, but she'd changed her mind at the last second and tried to think of something else. However, I had already seen what she was trying to hide from me.

"You knew all along, didn't you?" I whispered and stopped. Alice did too, turning to face me, her expression embarrassed and also a little defiant. I'd never told anyone what had happened that night in the forest, what I'd decided, what I'd said to Bella to keep her from looking for me, yet Alice would have seen, of course, would have known what I'd decided, but it had never occurred to me before that she actually knew.

"Yeah, I did," she admitted, chewing her lip. "I was furious when I saw what you'd decided. I knew it would hurt her so much… I wasn't just angry because you'd asked me not to look our for her future anymore. I was angry because you hurt her so much, because you were so cruel, and… Wait," she said quickly as I opened my mouth to reply. "I know you were convinced she wouldn't let go if you didn't say those things to her, but she never did, Edward. She believed you, but she didn't let go. I caught glimpses of her after, at least until she disappeared completely, and what I saw…"

"Show me," I whispered.

"I'm not sure," Alice began, her voice hesitant, but said, "If you insist…" when I growled at her. I saw Bella in her mind, younger, still human, lying on her bed and staring blankly at the ceiling, her face empty, dead. Another vision. Bella, horribly thin and pale, sitting at her desk, writing an e-mail to her mother, her expression blank as if someone had died, her eyes dull and full of pain and despair. Alice caught me as I crumpled to the ground again, my legs limp. I clung to her, held on to her as hard as I could, but I couldn't stop the images I'd picked out of her mind stop from assaulting me. I'd left so she could move on. I'd left so she could be happy.

I'd failed miserably.

"The message I sent Jasper to deliver was about her, too. I'd seen her pain and it had hurt so much, still did even after her future had disappeared, and I was angry at you, but I didn't want to tell Jasper why, which drove him crazy, and Esme was so sad all the time…" Alice sighed. "Bella's part of our family. She has been since you brought her home, and I meant what I said. You've torn our family apart, but you've torn her apart, too, and I don't know if she'll forgive you for that. If she even can forgive you for that. You had no right to make that decision for her, or for all of us, for that matter."

"I know," I whispered, steadying myself and letting go of Alice's arm. "I'm sorry."

"I know," she said, smiling up at me. "Now, let's focus on what to tell the others, alright? I don't known when Bella returns, so you can't do anything about that right now, anyway."

"Yes," I croaked. I forced myself to shove the dreadful imagines of Alice's vision away and shook my head, trying to clear it. Alice patted my back again, then took my hand, pulling me along as she walked on. "I love her, Alice."

"I know," she said again. "We'll sort this out, I promise. Here's what you're going to do. Tell the others you spoke to her, found out she's not responsible for the murders—by the way, I have no idea who is which is just as weird as Bella fading out of sight—and a vegetarian like us and that she wants to be left alone. They'll buy it. I'd tell them the truth before the weekend's over, though. It's only a matter of time until Carlisle runs into her at the hospital. Bella works there now."

"I know. I saw her, but how do you know?"

"I've been trying to find her," Alice admitted, glancing up at me. "Are you very mad at me?"

"No," I replied quietly, "I'm not. It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes for a brief moment. I felt exhausted, drained, and I wanted to sleep, wanted to escape reality, if only for a few hours. If only I could still sleep. "What did you find?"

"Not much," Alice said, and added, sighing a little, "Now I know why, of course. Why don't you tell me what you've found at her house, and I fill in the blanks?"

I briefly reported what I'd found, told her about the letters, the e-mails, the pictures, the little wooden figurines on the dresser, and Alice told me what she'd learned, which really wasn't much just as she'd said. Bella had left Forks after graduation and moved to California where, after four years of undergraduate studies (she'd obtained a bachelor's degree in British Literature, which made me smile when Alice told me; a strange choice for someone who wanted to study medicine), she'd gone to the Stanford University School of Medicine. After graduation she moved to Pasadena to complete her residency, and apparently she'd decided to stay. As Olivia's letter had indicated she'd worked in the ER.

"I talked to Linda Fletcher, the head nurse of the ER. She spoke very highly of Bella and asked me to call her immediately when I found her. I asked her to tell me who else I could talk to, and she gave me the number of Olivia Montgomery, a friend of Bella's, but she's on vacation and didn't answer her cell phone." We were almost home now; the house was already visible in the distance. _Linda told me that Bella quit her job a few days after her birthday_, Alice continued in her mind to keep the others from overhearing._ Linda didn't know what had happened. Bella just disappeared. Then I called Charlie. I didn't tell him who I was, of course. He didn't sound very well. He hasn't spoken to her in months, and he doesn't know where she lives and works. He told me to call Jacob Black, which I did, and he told me pretty much the same._

"He lied," I said.

_Werewolves_. Alice wrinkled her nose in disgust. _Anyway, she moved to Anchorage a year ago and started working at the Alaska Regional soon after that. I'm sorry I didn't know, Edward. I don't know why I didn't see. We could have been there for her…_

"I'd rather it never happened," I said, my voice bitter.

_What's done is done_. Alice shrugged. We stepped onto the gravel which lay hidden under almost two inches of untouched snow, swallowing what little noise we made completely; less sensitive ears than ours wouldn't have been able to hear anything at all. Jasper appeared in front of the garage, smiling slightly. He was happy Alice was back and pleasantly surprised she'd returned ahead of schedule. He stood there, waiting for her instead of running to meet us and sweep her up into his arms; Jasper and Alice were less boisterous about their relationship than Emmett and Rosalie._ It'll be alright_, Alice said and let go of my hand to pat my back again. I_'ll keep Jasper off your back. We'll be off for school in a few hours anyway._

"I owe you," I said, smiling crookedly, which caused Jasper to frown, and Alice grinned back at me, ignoring him.

"You bet you do."

—

The lie had fallen easily from my lips, more easily than I'd expected—though, as Alice pointed out to me later, I hadn't really lied, I just hadn't presented all the facts—and while the fact that it had should have worried me it didn't. I had other things on my mind.

They had believed what I'd told them—what Alice had told me to tell them—and while I was glad they had I was ashamed of myself, if only a little; the fear of having to face their disappointment or, worse, their joy was greater.

The weekend passed too quickly. Alice and Jasper went to school again on Friday, and she took him shopping afterwards, keeping him off my back as she'd promised in case I didn't manage to reign in my emotions, and I didn't, not all the time anyway. I would lapse, my despair would overwhelm me and whenever it did I would leave the room, pretending to go outside where I would break down again, away from their eyes. I tried not to think of Bella, not consciously—she was still constantly present in my mind, but then she'd always been—and attempted to distract myself. I assisted Esme although I knew she only put up with me because she appreciated my presence and not because I was of much help to her. I reorganised my CD collection and spent hours on the internet, looking for music, often with Alice beside me because of our shared taste in music, and in return I helped her clear out her closet, as task I usually avoided, but as Emmett was still in Europe there was nobody around to point it out.

There were no news concerning the murders; Alice tried to see who was behind it, but as with Bella she came up blank and concluded that whoever it was didn't decide beforehand when he would kill again, which meant there was no way for us to stop it. Jasper, Alice and I spent hours trying to find a trace of him, but nothing; the snow had been washed away by heavy rain, and so had any trace the killer might have left. We had decided not to call Emmett and Rosalie and ask them to come back. We could handle a single vampire, and Rosalie would certainly be unbearable if we forced her to cut her vacation short.

Sunday turned into Monday, and I still hadn't told them. Alice wasn't sure if Bella would run into Carlisle at the hospital as her future had yet to reappear, but as Carlisle's future was clear and Bella-free—her words, not mine—she didn't think so. Monday morning found me sitting at the piano, playing quietly. Alice and Jasper had gone hunting again, but Esme was there to keep me company, sitting on the beige leather sofa, propped up against a purple cushion (she'd gone for berry hues this time; in Richmond her colour of choice had been green), reading the book I'd given her for Christmas last year and which she'd already read several times. I was playing Esme's favourite, and listening to her kind thoughts I was glad she couldn't see my face and the guilt etched into it. I wanted to tell her everything, I really did, and yesterday I almost had, but I'd changed my mind at the last moment. I wasn't ready yet. I'd hoped an answer would present itself over the weekend, resolving the situation, but none had, and the situation remained unchanged. Lying to them had been a mistake, but I was afraid, more afraid than I'd ever admit, even to Alice, and I didn't know what else to do. I didn't.


	10. Revelations

**A/N:** And here's the next chapter. I haven't written anything for weeks and I can't promise an update until February 15—I have a very, very, very important exam that day and need to prepare. A lot. And since time's running out I won't have much time for anything else. Wish me luck for the exam! I hope you like the reunion! Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm sorry that I haven't answered all of them yet, but I'm very busy right now! I really appreciate them!

**Disclaimer**: It's all property of Stephenie Meyer.

10. REVELATIONS

BELLA

If I'd assumed things couldn't get any worse, I'd been wrong.

Walking into my office on Monday morning, I found a blue folder on my desk with a yellow post-it stuck on top, a note from Danielle. _That's him_, it read. _Isn't he hot?_ I stared down at the folder unhappily. I knew now whose file it would contain, which didn't exactly lift my mood. I'd have to avoid the upper floors from now on. I didn't spend much time up there, anyway, and I tended to give the area of the hospital where the ORs were located a wide berth for obvious reasons, but I might still accidentally run into Carlisle.

I put my leather bag on top of the folder so I wouldn't have to see it and shrugged out of my coat. Switching on the computer, I slumped into my chair. I hadn't read the news yet; I'd spent the morning cleaning up the mess Edward had left behind, which hadn't been fun at all, and airing the entire house for hours because his scent lingered. It hadn't done much good, and I'd been glad to finally arrive at work, where the smell of disinfectant and, subtler but always there, the stench of decay had chased the memory of Edward's annoyingly alluring scent away.

I clicked through several newspaper websites but only found an article on Amanda Greene. I didn't read it, though. It wouldn't do any good, aside from making me feel guilty again, and I needed a clear head if I wanted to fight Victoria.

No, I wasn't suicidal at _all_.

"Morning, boss," Danielle said, waltzing into the office in a cloud of sweet-smelling perfume. I swivelled my chair to the left and hid behind the computer screen so she wouldn't see me wrinkle my nose; it smelled of artificial berries. Danielle had a knack for picking awful fragrances. Folding her umbrella, she parked herself in the chair in front of my desk. Her cheeks were flushed as she smiled at me brightly. I swallowed to ease my burning throat, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, and I realised that I'd only reacted so violently to her blood last week, because I hadn't fed in three weeks. "How was your weekend?" she asked.

"Great," I replied, smiling. "How was yours?" I didn't really care, but it would keep her from asking any more questions I didn't want to answer. I lifted my bag off the desk to check my cell phone again. I didn't really expect Jake to call although I wished he would. I wanted to know how things had turned out with Sam. I hoped he hadn't given Jake too hard a time when he learned that I'd been in Forks.

"Awesome," Danielle said. "I bought the cutest dress for tonight."

"What's tonight?" I asked despite myself, momentarily distracted.

Danielle raised her eyebrows.

"What?"

"You got the memo, right? I'm a hundred percent sure I forwarded the e-mail."

"Yeah, I got the memo," I said quickly, realising what she was talking about. I hadn't forgotten, of course—I couldn't forget—but with everything that was going on right now, dressing up wasn't exactly high on my priority list. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice. I'd skipped the hospital's annual fundraising gala last year because I hadn't been sure I'd be able to handle that many humans, and I'd gotten an earful from my boss Henry Lambert about it. If I didn't show up tonight I was in for another unpleasant conversation where I'd have to put up with Lambert's less-than-subtle hints that he'd like to sleep with me, and that I should do so in order to keep my job. As far as I knew he'd hit on every woman working at the hospital at one point or another, and while most had turned him down, me included, he wasn't easily deterred. Attending the gala, of course, also meant risking running into Carlisle, and probably Esme too, then again maybe not, since apparently they wanted to avoid me as much as I wanted to avoid them. And I really wanted to keep my job for a while, at least until I'd taken care of Victoria. Danielle was still looking at me expectantly. "Fundraising gala," I said, "tonight. In the entrance hall."

"Great, you remember." Danielle smiled. "What are you going to wear?"

"A dress?" I offered, causing Danielle to roll her eyes at me. "What?" I asked again, although her question was justified because I didn't have a dress. I'd never needed one before. If I hadn't been preoccupied I probably would have ordered one online, just as I did everything else, but it was too late for that now, which meant I'd have to go shopping this afternoon, shopping of all things, while Victoria was out there, planning her next move.

"I'll go shopping this afternoon," I told Danielle. "I'm sure I'll find something."

Danielle raised her eyebrows again as she looked me up an down; I vaguely remembered Alice looking at me the same way, usually when she hadn't agreed with my choice of clothes. "What's wrong with my clothes?" I asked, eyes narrowing.

"Well," she said, "nothing, actually. It's just that you wear the same thing every day, which is kind of boring. How many of those blouses do you have? Five? Six?"

"A few," I allowed. I couldn't believe I was having this conversation.

"I thought so. You know what? Let me do the shopping. I'm sure I'll find something you like."

I didn't even have to think twice about her offer. I dug my wallet out of my bag and thrust my credit card at her. It fell into her lap. "Are you sure?" she asked, eye wide with surprise.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just be sure to pick something nice."

"You bet I will," Danielle replied, and a wide grin spread across her face as she picked up the credit card and put it in the pocket of her skirt.

I rolled my eyes. "Anything on the agenda today?" I asked to change the subject. Leaning back, Danielle flipped open a BlackBerry I'd never seen before. Part of her job, aside from assisting me during the autopsies, was to find out how many bodies had come in over night and how quickly their autopsy reports were needed.

"We have an old lady who's probably died of a heart attack," she told me after a while, frowning down at the tiny screen. I figured she wasn't quite familiar with her newest gadget yet. "A couple who died in a car crash two days ago, and a kid who drowned last night. Take your pick."

"Wonderful." I made a face. I was glad Victoria hadn't sent me another 'gift', but crash victims weren't exactly fun to look at, and performing an autopsy on a child, especially if it was very young, was dreadful. "Let's start with the kid," I said, and Danielle nodded unhappily. "I'll be with you in a minute."

"Alright." Grabbing her BlackBerry and purse with her left hand and her dripping umbrella with her right, she got up. As she turned her gaze fell on the folder still on my desk; I should have thrown it in the trash. "Did you take a look yet?" she asked, curious.

"Yes, I did," I lied.

"Isn't he handsome?"

"He's married," I pointed out.

Danielle shrugged. "A girl can dream."

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

She shrugged again. "I do, but we've got an open relationship, so he's cool."

I'd met said boyfriend a couple of months ago, and as he'd seemed quite possessive of her it was hard to imagine he'd consent to her seeing, and sleeping with, other men. Then again it was none of my business, and I really didn't want to make it mine, so I just said, "I see," and Danielle laughed and swept out of the room, her heels clicking on the linoleum as she drifted down the hallway to her own, much smaller office. I could still hear her typing on her BlackBerry. Maybe she was texting her boyfriend. Maybe she was checking her e-mails. Danielle didn't have to worry about a vengeful vampire who wanted her dead because her ex-boyfriend had killed her lover because said lover had wanted to suck her dry, and I wished I wouldn't, either. I didn't know how to fight. I didn't know how to _survive_ a fight. Waiting for Victoria to make her next move felt wrong, but what choice did I have? I couldn't seek her out. If I simply went after her, which was probably what she wanted, I would die. If I wanted to live through this I had to outwit her, preferably without any more collateral damage. I just didn't know how. I wasn't exactly an expert at battle strategies. I'd never thought that one day I'd be going into one.

—

Danielle was lifting the first body out of the cooling unit when I entered the autopsy room. "Let me give you a hand," I said, hurrying to help her, but she'd already pulled it out, and the figure inside the black body bag was so tiny that Danielle was able to carry it to the autopsy table with ease. I watched as she placed it gently on the cold metal surface and unzipped it, revealing the tiny body of a little girl who couldn't be older than six or seven.

"She's so small," Danielle said quietly.

"Yes," I agreed. I removed the body bag and put it aside. I wasn't particularly fond of my job, but most of the time it wasn't a problem for me to do it. It wasn't that I didn't care about the people that ended up on my table; I did care. But I also knew, better than anyone maybe, that death was an inevitable part of life, and when your time was up your time was up, but children… children, especially if they were very little, were harder. It was so very hard to accept the death of a child.

"What's her name?" I asked. I gently brushed a strand of long silver hair out of the girl's white face. Her clothes, a pair of blue jeans and a red shirt, were still damp; they smelled faintly of algae.

"Antonia Swann," Danielle said. I straightened. My hands clenched around the edges of the table, causing the metal to moan._ It's a coincidence_, I told myself._ It's just a coincidence. She drowned, didn't she? There're probably a million people out there whose last name is Swan._

"What's the police report say?" I asked quietly. I forced myself to let go, but the metal was already dented where I'd gripped it, so I carefully brushed my thumb across the edge to smoothen out the finger-shaped impressions I had left.

"They think Antonia climbed out her bedroom window and took a stroll in the garden down to her parents' garden pond where she slipped and fell into it." Danielle shook her head. "My parents used to lock our windows when we were little. I can't believe how reckless people are these days."

I looked over Danielle's shoulder to read the rest of the report. "It's twenty degrees outside," I said slowly, "and the report says the layer of ice on the pond was almost an inch thick." I glanced at the tiny body again. I couldn't be sure without a more thorough examination, of course, but her skull seemed to be intact, and if she'd crashed into the pond with enough force to break the ice, it should have been bashed in. I didn't like where this was going. At all.

"Yes, and you know what else is strange? According to her parents Antonia was an excellent swimmer—well, for a six-year-old anyway—and the pond wasn't even that deep, so why did she drown?"

"It doesn't matter how well she could swim or how deep the pond was," I explained. "If she fell she probably hit her head and was disoriented, and even if she wasn't, we're talking about a six-year-old kid here."

"If you say so," Danielle replied, but she didn't sound very convinced. I wouldn't have been either in her place, but what was I supposed to tell her? What _could_ I tell her? A six-year-old kid didn't just climb out her bedroom window in the middle of the night to walk around her parents' garden, and a six-year-old kid also didn't just fall into a pond which wasn't even half a foot deep and drown. Maybe I was wrong. Hell, I _hoped_ I was, but if I wasn't I couldn't ever tell Danielle the truth.

"I say so," I replied, managing a reassuring smile. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

We were very thorough. I searched every millimetre of her body, but when I didn't find anything at all aside from the water in her lungs, I knew that Antonia's death hadn't been an accident. I knew she'd been killed, and due to the lack of evidence on her body I knew who'd done it.

It wasn't a coincidence after all.

I let Danielle put her back into the cooling unit and walked slowly back into my office where I locked myself into my bathroom. I sank down on the toilet lid, arms wrapped tightly around my chest to keep the despair at bay. Why? Why had she done it? Killing people to drink their blood was one thing, because every time Victoria fed somebody died, and it didn't really matter much who it was—to her, anyway. But she hadn't killed Antonia to feed; she'd killed her out of pure spite, because she happened to share my last name, because she wanted to send me another message. Antonia must have been so very afraid when she realised what was happening to her, when Victoria had snatched her out of her bedroom and took her to the pond to push her head underwater and force her to breathe in ice-cold water.

What did she want? Did she want me to come after her? Victoria knew I was no match for her, and if I came after her she'd kill me which was exactly why I had decided not to. Maybe she'd guessed that this was what I'd do, and that's why she'd killed Antonia—to provide better motivation. I sat up and took a deep breath. I wouldn't allow her to get to me. That's what she wanted, and I wouldn't give it to her. There wasn't anything else I could to right now, but I was sure I'd come up with a real plan soon.

And if I wasn't, then I'd just have to reconsider my options.

I unlocked the door and slipped behind my desk to check my phone again just as I heard Danielle close the door of the autopsy room. Jake still hadn't called, and I decided to take that as a good sign. I had too much to worry about already.

"You got a minute, Doc?" Danielle asked.

I looked up to find her hovering in the doorway, her face uncertain.

"Yes, of course. What is it?"

"Well…" She sat down at the very edge of the chair she'd slumped into this morning, her body rigid. Her hands were in her lap, her fingers intertwined as if to keep herself from fidgeting, but she was chewing her bottom lip, probably without even realising that she was, and I had to hid a smile, because I knew her well enough buy know to know that she wanted to talk to me but wasn't sure how to put it, usually because she didn't think I would like whatever it was very much. "It's about Antonia. No, that's not right. Actually it's about those women who were murdered," she gushed while my body went rigid. "I'm not sure if you know, but they all look like you. Well, they're not as pretty as you—nobody is as pretty as you—but they all have brown hair and pale skin. And now Antonia Swann. I may be blond, but I'm not stupid. I swear somebody's got it in for you, Dr Swan."

"I think you're overreacting," I said, forcing my lips to pull up into a smile, but it was hard, very hard. Danielle truly wasn't stupid, and I should have expected her to put the pieces of the puzzle together as well. I couldn't tell her that she was right. What would I have told her anyway? That a vampire was after me? That she wanted to tear me apart because she held a grudge? Yes, she'd certainly believe that… "Whoever's killed those women quite obviously has a problem, but I really don't think it has anything to do with me. Pale brunettes are probably just his type. And Antonia drowned because she fell into her parents' pond. I thought we'd established that. What makes you think that she was killed?"

"I'm just worried about you," Danielle said, frowning.

"I appreciate your concern," I said and I meant it, "but I'm a hundred percent sure that this guy isn't after me. I'll promise to be careful if that makes you feel better."

"Maybe you could get a dog," she suggested. "My neighbour's Great Dane just had the cutest puppies you could possibly imagine. I can give you her number."

"I'm allergic," I replied. "Really, Danielle, you don't have to worry. I'll be fine."

"If you say so," she said dubiously.

"I say so. You know what I think? I think the girl's death is getting to you. Why don't you take the afternoon off? You wanted to go shopping anyway," I couldn't help but grimace as I said this, and Danielle smiled, "and I'm sure you want to get ready for tonight."

"Yeah, maybe I should." She sighed. "I hate dead kids."

"You and me both," I told her, "you and me both."

—

Danielle dropped by a little after five to return my credit car and deliver the dress she'd bought, then she was off again to get ready for tonight. I spent the afternoon in the autopsy room to take care of the couple who'd died in a car crash last night, which took a while since I had to find out which parts—and there were a lot of parts—belonged to whom, which was a gory task but better then dwelling on whatever Victoria might have in store for me, so I showered twice before I even touched the shopping bags Danielle had left beside my desk.

She hadn't just bought a dress; she'd bought several dresses with matching shoes, a few blouses, a new coat, and even some make-up, which didn't me make look forward to my credit card bill. _Don't you dare return any of it_, she'd written on the bigger of the two bags with black permanent marker. I shook my head, smiling just a little, and locked the door before I slipped out of my blouse to try on the ones Danielle had bought for me. I was a bit surprised she'd gotten my size right—then again she definitely had the Alice gene, so I probably shouldn't have been—and the blouses, just as the black coat, were very pretty, and after a quick glance into the bathroom mirror I had to admit that they looked good on me, too.

I chose a strapless black dress—a balloon dress it was called, I believed; my sense in fashion hadn't exactly improved—for tonight and matching high heels, and, just to humour Danielle, even put on some make up and some grey shining nail polish. After brushing my hair, braiding it and pulling it up into a bun, about the only hair style, aside from a pony tail, I could manage, I went upstairs so I wouldn't smell of dead people again when the party began and sat down in the cafeteria, pretending to read a magazine while actually watching the preparations for the gala. The caterers had just arrived and started arranging the buffet; a hundred different smiles drifted through the open door, and I grimaced. I wasn't looking forward to that party. At least a hundred people were expected to attend the gala tonight, a hundred different perfumes, aftershaves, soaps, shampoos, hairsprays, and then sweat of course, a massive assault on my olfactory nerves. Acute senses weren't always of advantage.

At half past six the first guests began arriving. I knew most of them since they were doctors working at this hospital, and with a sigh I joined them, talking and smiling and keeping an eye on the entrance so I'd see Carlisle and Esme arrive. I planned to stay away from them as far as possible; if they didn't want to speak to me, then I wouldn't force myself on them. Henry Lambert, his wife and their daughter Jasmyne arrived at seven, all of them wearing expensive, tailored clothes. Lambert liked to show that he could afford to buy the best of the best. He took his family's coats and told them to mingle and have fun, then joined the other doctors who had gathered by the buffet which had yet to be opened. I hid behind a fake palm tree. I was so pathetic.

How long would I have to stay until it was safe to pretend to have a migraine and leave?

I snatched a glass of red wine off a waiter's tray, pretending to sip. It smelled bitter and tasted just as awful when I moistened my lip. Ugh. How could people drink this stuff? I'd never really liked wine when, not even when I was human. Alcohol and I just didn't go together.

At eight they finally arrived. I retreated further into the back of the room when I saw Carlisle and Esme step through the doors in a gust of cold air, and my eyes widened in horror as I realised they weren't alone; Edward was trailing in their wake in a black tux, looking just as unhappy as I felt. Great. As if my day hadn't been bad enough already. For a moment they just stood in the middle of the room after Carlisle had taken Esme's coat, talking quietly among themselves—to quietly even for me to overhear; I'd have to get closer which I had no intention of doing—then Lambert saw them too, and he sauntered over to greet them, a broad smile on his face.

"Carlisle, I'm great you could make it," Lambert said, extending his hand, which Carlisle took with a smile. "It's nice to see you again… Edward, right?"

"Yes," Edward replied, smiling, but his smile seemed strained; apparently he didn't want to have to be here, either. I wondered why Carlisle and Esme had made him come when he so obviously would have preferred to stay at home.

"And you, I assume, are Mrs Cullen," Lambert continued, smiling at Esme who kindly returned his smile. I snorted quietly at the expression on Edward's face. It wasn't very hard to imagine what Lambert was thinking about. Esme naked, probably. "It's very nice to meet you. Do you like Anchorage?"

"It's lovely," Esme said, and I sighed. I'd missed her too, and hearing her voice again brought back memories I thought I'd lost when I was changed. She'd always been like a mother to me. "A little cold maybe." She glanced at Carlisle, who smiled slightly. Inside joke.

"It is," Lambert agreed. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you've decided to move here, but I have a hard time understanding why. Me, I've grown up here and so have most of the staff, but our newest addition—well, aside from you—moved up here from California. Why someone would give up all that for a place where the sun almost never shines is beyond me."

Esme and Carlisle exchanged glances, and I saw that Edward was having some difficulty keeping his expression blank. What was wrong with him? They already knew it was me, didn't they? There was no need to be worried.

"I'd love to introduce you, though. She might be able to help you, give you a couple of tips to make the transition easier. Living in Alaska can be quite challenging."

"We'd love to meet her," Carlisle said. I frowned. Edward's whole body was tense, rigid even. What was his problem?

"Miss Grey, would you please join us for a moment?" Lambert called out, and Danielle, who had just entered on the arm of her handsome boyfriend, turned her head a little so he wouldn't see her make a face. She didn't like Henry Lambert any more than I did, and she didn't like the fact that he'd repeatedly tried to hit on me, either. Handing her coat under which she wore a pale blue dress to her boyfriend, she walked over to Lambert, a sweet, and fake, smile on her face.

"Have you seen your boss?" Lambert asked.

"Not yet," she replied curtly. "I just arrived."

"Do you know if she had plans to attend?"

"I believe she had. Would you like me to tell her that you'd like to talk to her should I happen to see her?"

"No, I don't. I'd like you to find her and ask her to join us. And tell Isabella that if she wants to keep her job she'd better hurry." He all but whispered the last sentence into Danielle's ear, but I heard anyway. Esme raised her eyebrows. I could tell from her expression that so far Lambert hadn't done anything to endear himself to her. No surprise there.

I sighed. _Just get it over with_, I told myself._ Just a few words and then you won't have to talk to them ever again_. I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the plant. _Just a few words, and then you can go home._ I felt like a soldier going into battle. Just a few more steps. They hadn't seen me yet; they had their backs to me, and the air conditioner was on and running at full power, and I was upwind from them. A handful of guests disappeared through the doors to smoke, and a gust of snowy air blew in, causing my scent to drift directly into their direction. All of them stiffened. I froze and glanced at the doors, which were still closing. Should I make a run for it? Nobody would see me if I moved very fast.

I missed my chance. Carlisle turned, reaching out for Esme to pull her close, an affectionate gesture at first glance, but I recognised it for what it was; a concealed defensive position. I fought the urge to raise my hands as if held at gunpoint, trying to smile instead. Carlisle arm fell; he and Esme were staring at me as if I was a mirage, as if they'd expected to see _anyone_, just not me. Finally, Edward turned too, his face twisted with fury, and my hesitant smile vanished.

"Dr Swan," Lambert said, finally noticing me, "there you are. I'm so glad you could make it."

I didn't trust myself enough to answer, so I just smiled as I stepped closer, ignoring the confused expression on Esme's face, and the suspicious one on Carlisle's.

"How are you today?" Lambert asked, smiling—in a way which made me want to scratch his eyes out—and took my hand although I hadn't even extended it. I thought I saw Edward bare his teeth, accompanied by the deep rumble of a suppressed growl, but when I glanced at him again he was looking impassively at the paintings on the east wall of the entrance hall, and neither Carlisle nor Esme seemed to have heard it, so I'd probably imagined in. "That's a beautiful dress you're wearing."

"I'm fine, thank you." I flashed a smile, maybe showing a little too much teeth; Lambert's hand fell away and whatever he saw in my face made him retreat, if only a step. His face was calm, but his heart sped away, beating twice as fast as usual, and the sweet smell of adrenaline saturated the air. I hid a smug smile. I'd scared him. "How's your family?"

"They're fine. They're here somewhere," he replied, loosening his tie just a little and edging even further away, an unconscious reaction probably. I felt my lips twitch. He should listen to his subconsciousness more often. "I think I'll go find them. I just wanted to introduce you to Dr Cullen and his family. They just moved down here from…"

"Richmond," Carlisle supplied. "It's very nice to meet you, Dr Swan. I'm Carlisle Cullen, my wife Esme, and our son Edward."

"Pleasure," I replied curtly, not meeting his eyes. If my behaviour confused him, he didn't let on; he simply smiled instead, the warm open smile I remembered.

"A pleasure, indeed. Dr Lambert here told us that you moved down here from California last year?" Did he actually want to make smalltalk? Or did he guess from my behaviour that I'd bolt as soon as Lambert left and wanted to ask questions I had no reason—at least as far as Lambert, who was listening with apparent interest, was concerned—not to answer? Why did he care? Was he just curious?

"Yes, I did," I said. "I needed a change."

"I see you've found something to talk about," Lambert cut in, smiling brightly, revealing a row of perfect white if false teeth. "If you'll excuse me. I'm sure my wife is wondering what's keeping me."

"Danielle," I said as I watched him disappear in the host of black tuxedos and expensive evening gowns, "would you mind getting me something to eat? I haven't had a chance to grab a bite since breakfast."

"What would you like?" she asked.

"Surprise me." I wouldn't eat any of it anyway if I could help it. I had to on occasion, and I didn't particularly enjoy it, not just because of how awful human food tasted but because choking it back up later was disgusting—and that was putting it mildly.

"Alright. I'll be right back." Danielle and her boyfriend drifted off, the latter staring at us from over his shoulder for a moment, before he quietly asked her if she'd ever had a threesome. Well, he did know they had an open relationship then.

"So," I said when they were gone.

"It's been a while," Esme said eventually, a warm, even welcoming smile on her face, the same smile she'd worn the day Edward had introduced me to them. I'd been fooled then, had believed she was truly happy to see me at Edward's side; now I knew better.

"It has," I agreed in an even voice. "Look, I'm sorry Lambert made you talk to me, but I promise I won't bother you again if I can help it." I saw confusion, even shock in Esme's face as my words sank in, and she glanced first at Carlisle, then at Edward who refused to meet her eyes which made her frown ever so slightly, then back at me.

"Bella," she said slowly, "we don't want you to leave. In fact," her eyes travelled to Edward again, "we're _all_ glad to see you."

I don't know why I lost it then. I'd never been one for tantrums, my temper almost never got the better of me, and I'd always been proud that I wasn't one of those people who didn't easily lose control. Now I did. Last week had been awful, beyond horrible, more than I could bear, and I was done with it. I didn't have to listen to their lies anymore. I _wouldn't_ listen to them anymore. "Are you?" I spat. Esme winced. Carlisle moved to step between us again, but when Esme raised her right hand to put it against his chest, froze. Edward didn't move at all. He'd turned into a marble statue, watching on but having no part in what was happening. Esme's 'all' didn't include him, he didn't _want_ it to include him, and it hurt, hurt so much more than any lie of Esme's ever could have. The pain in my empty chest fuelled my anger like gasoline a fire; it roared out like an angry bear.

"It's been nine years, Esme," I hissed, my body rigid, my hands marble claws at my side. "I haven't heard from you in nine years, and suddenly you're glad to see me? You didn't visit, you didn't call, you didn't write. Not even Alice came back for me. How can I believe that I ever meant something to you when you just abandoned me? How can I believe that you ever loved me? Don't you lie to me, Esme. Don't you dare lie to me!" My voice broke. I'd run out of fuel, and as my anger ebbed away to be replaced by pain again the angry bear fell silent. I'd said what I wanted to say, and now there was nothing left but pain and despair. I was alone, all alone. Forever. I blinked furiously when my eyes began to burn with tears I couldn't shed anymore, wishing I'd still be able to cry, and wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to comfort myself. I should never have come tonight. Indifference I could have dealt with, but this pretence of joy was more than I could handle.

I should have just walked away then. I didn't know what I was expecting them to say as we stood there in the middle of the entrance hall, surrounded by people who were enjoying themselves, who were smiling and laughing, were doing what I should have been doing too. Instead I was waiting for an answer I wasn't even sure I'd get, and which—if I was honest—I also wasn't sure I'd want to hear, because I couldn't deal with yet more pain. I simply couldn't.

"Let's step outside for a moment, shall we?" Esme suggested eventually. "Carlisle would like to talk to Edward in private."

"I just want to go home, Esme," I said wearily. I felt drained, exhausted. I wanted to curl up behind my sofa and stare outside; then I remembered that my house still smelled of Edward, so going home wasn't really an option. I'd stay in my office then, would pretend to have slept there when Danielle arrived in the morning. I just wanted to be alone.

"I think we need to talk," she said gently. "It won't take long, I promise."

"Fine," I whispered. I allowed Esme to take my arm, then she led me outside, past a handful of guests who'd stepped outside to smoke and into the park behind the hospital where I sometimes ran; behind the park the forest began, and I could run almost all the way home without being seen. "Bella," Esme said when we'd disappeared into the park, where purple darkness enveloped us; the lights of the hospitals were barely visible behind the trees, "do you know why we left Forks?"

"Yes," I whispered. "You left because it was time for you to move on, and because you realised that I didn't belong in your world after all when Jasper almost killed me on my birthday. And," I swallowed; I felt as if I was choking, but I would say it out loud, _had_ to say it out loud, "because Edward didn't love me anymore, because he was tired of pretending to be something he was not." I did start to cry then, dry sobs rocking my chest. Esme opened her arms and I flung myself around her neck despite myself.

"We left because Edward asked us to," Esme said very quietly, her hands gently moving up and down my back to comfort me. "He blamed himself for what almost happened—he's still blaming himself for it, I think—and he convinced us that it would be safer for you if we left. He asked us not to contact you, hoping that you'd forget eventually and could move on with your life."

"What?" I asked, leaning back to look into her face, to make sure she wasn't joking. "No," I said slowly. "No, he wouldn't do that…" I trailed off. Wouldn't he?

"Edward has always had control issues," Esme said quietly. "He hates feeling out of control. That's why he tends to make decisions for others, especially if he thinks it's for their own good. He thought he was doing the right thing."

"The right thing?" I whispered. I couldn't blame Edward for breaking up with me if he didn't love me anymore, because it wasn't fair of me to hold him back when there might be someone else out there for him, his soulmate; it wasn't his fault that he was mine. But he'd had no right to take his family away from me. Nine years of pain and despair, because he'd made a decision that had never been his to make.

"We've always loved you, Bella," Esme said, "and you've been part of our family since Edward told us about you, and his… decision," she hesitated ever so slightly, and I got the impression that she wanted to say something else but decided not to, "doesn't change that. I'm sorry we left and did as we were asked. We made a mistake. We know that. I love you like a daughter, Bella, and you'll always have a place with us for as long as you want it."

"Are you sure?" I whispered, unable to believe that I'd been wrong, that they _did_ love me and always had. Maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe I'd lost my mind after all, had gone crazy.

And maybe I hadn't.

"I am," Esme said, and I felt my lips curve up into a shy smile, the first real and heartfelt smile in years. "Welcome home, Bella."

—

Did you like it?


	11. Truth

A/N: And here the conclusion. I'm afraid it's nothing new, or not much anyway, just the last chapter from Edward's POV, but after that things should move on a little faster. Just a little under a month to go until my big exam and I'm not making much progress as far as studying is concerned, which is really, really bad, so I'm afraid you'll have to be patient. It's unlikely I'll manage to write another chapter before February 15.

Still, I hope you like this one, and it's not too boring! Thanks for all the reviews (I'm sorry I haven't answered most of them, but I haven't had the time) and for all of you who put my story on their 'favourite' lists and me on their 'author alert' or 'favourite authors' lists. I'm really flattered!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: It's all property of Stephenie Meyer; I only borrowed her characters.

11. TRUTH

EDWARD

Bella's future reappeared early Monday morning. Alice saw her come home and clean her house; from there it was still up in the air, but Alice was reasonably certain she wouldn't run into Carlisle today. By sunrise guilt had wrapped itself around my like a steel blanket. Jasper glanced at me curiously on his way to the car while I was clearing the snow out of the driveway, but he didn't say anything for which I was grateful. Carlisle left shortly after Alice and Jasper, Esme half an hour later to order materials for the house she was storing, and then I was alone with my guilt.

My thoughts wandered to Bella while I erected a perfectly symmetrical wall of snow around the driveway. I hadn't been able to speak to Alice again, because my family had been in earshot all weekend, and I'd been tempted to go to her house again, but seeing my decision Alice had advised me against it; there was nothing in Bella's immediate future to indicate she wouldn't send me away again if went by her house again, if I went to see her again, and so I'd decided to stay away and wait. And once things had changed, once they were alright again, I'd tell my family.

But, and I leaned heavily on the shovel, afraid my legs might gave way again, what if things would never be alright again? I had to tell them. It was only a matter of time until Carlisle saw her, and then he'd know I had been lying. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I was afraid it was too late for that. I shouldn't have lied. I should have made up my mind sooner.

I heard my cell phone chime. I'd left it inside beside the piano since electronic equipment didn't take well to subzero temperatures. I put the shovel against the wall of the house and, slipping out of my boots, and stepped inside. Alice had texted me. Wondering what this was about, I opened the message and froze. _Problem_, she'd written. _Fundraising gala at the hospital tonight. Carlisle and Esme will attend, and so will Bella. They'll meet. What do you want to do?_ I read the message again and again and again, unable to make sense of it, my brain refusing to work properly. What was I supposed to do now? What could I do? If I tried to step them, I'd only make things worse.

I needed help.

_I don't know_, I replied. _Advice?_

Alice's reply came before my message had even been sent. _Accompany them_.

I wanted to trust Alice. I'd learned to trust her visions, imperfect as they sometimes were, but now… I couldn't help feeling that this time she was wrong.

Or maybe, just maybe, I was afraid to face the consequences of my actions. I'd never been very good at that, preferred to run away instead of deal with them. I wanted to run now, wanted to get on a plane and return to Siberia where I'd be alone, but then I'd also never see Bella again and maybe lose my only chance to make things up to her.

Maybe it was time to stop running away.

_Terrific_, Alice replied, obviously trying to be encouraging, _we'll go shopping this afternoon then. You'll need a new tux._

I sighed. Terrific, indeed.

Carlisle was surprised when I called to tell him that I wanted to accompany him tonight, but happy nonetheless that I'd leave the house without having to be dragged. I knew he'd call Esme the minute I and it wasn't very difficult to imagine her joy. If only he knew the reason behind my decision—he wouldn't be as happy then.

I resumed my task, working as slowly as I possibly could, so I was still at it when Alice and Jasper came home, two hours before they normally would. I'd just finished piling up half a ton of wet snow behind the garage when I heard their car in the driveway, gravel crunching. Jasper raised an eyebrow, frowning, as he saw me walk out from behind the garage, thinking I was in dire need of a new hobby, but otherwise didn't comment on it; apparently Alice had asked him to write a term paper for her which would take even him a while. I smiled at her as we climbed into the Volvo after I'd exchanged my boots for normal shoes and put on a coat.

"You owe me big time," was all she said before she pulled out a French fashion magazine out of her bag.

We didn't speak while I edged the car down the road; the snow made it hard to drive even for me, and I had to concentrate more than usual.

"I know," I said once we were on the main road.

"I could use a new car," Alice replied, scrunching up her face in thought. I smiled. She'd already made up her mind, of course.

"A yellow Porsche it is," I said, and Alice beamed at me. "At least someone's enjoying this."

Alice nudged my shoulder. "Enough with this guilt already. You're making Jasper edgy. Carlisle will forgive you eventually. He always does. He just can't stay angry at you for longer than a day or two. Besides, they'll be ecstatic to see Bella again."

"I don't care if Carlisle's angry with me. I can handle that. I don't want to disappoint him, but I suppose it's too late for that now, is it?"

"He'll forgive you," Alice said, unconcerned. "People make mistakes. Carlisle knows that."

I sighed.

"Rosalie will freak out, of course, but when have we ever let Rose bother us? Emmett will be happy to have Bella back, too, and I'm so glad I won't have to lie to Jasper after tonight anymore. He knows there's something I'm not telling him."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. Alice patted my shoulder again, and her thoughts drifted off as she turned page after page of her magazine, deliberating if she should buy a new dress as well. Nothing ever bothered Alice. She always knew what the future had in store for her. Sometimes I envied her that.

"You're not even going," I pointed out.

Alice shrugged. "When did lack of occasion ever stop me from buying new clothes?"

"True," I said.

By then we were in Anchorage. Alice directed me to a parking lot near the center, and from there it was one shop after another, and I finally remembered why I usually voided going shopping with Alice. Jasper was the only one who accompanied her voluntarily, aside from Esme and Rosalie of course. After the seventy-sixth tux Alice declared that the one I was currently trying on to be the best and went to pay for it, while I waited by the entrance of the shop. My gaze fell on a young woman in front of a rack of evening gowns. She was frowning. She'd already picked a dress for herself but she was trying to fine one for her boss. Another Alice, I assumed.

Walking back to me with a white paper bag, Alice noticed her too. A vision flashed across her mind, but was gone before I could take a closer look. I raised my eyebrows at her. Alice pretended not to notice. Instead she handed me the bag, an exciting smile on her face. "Hi," she said brightly, and the woman turned, looking somewhat desperate. Danielle was one of those people whose thoughts were expressed verbally rather than visually. She didn't want to let her boss down. "I'm Alice. Take that dress." Alice unerringly reached for a black dress and all but forced it into the woman's arms. "She'll love it. Trust me."

"Um," she replied, confused, reaching for the price tag, "wow, I mean I have her credit card and all, but it's a little pricy, don't you think? She'll kill me."

"No, she won't. I'll pay for it."

I gaped at her, and so did the woman.

"Trust me," Alice said, smiling brightly at the woman and winking at me. Alice could be quite charming when she wanted, and the woman succumbed to her charm easily. I shook my head in resigned affection. Was this one of Alice's charity campaigns?

"I'm Danielle by the way," the woman said.

"Nice to met you." Alice flashed another blinding smile at her. "Now, while we're at it…" Alice set off, pulling dresses, shirts and blouses off racks as if there was no tomorrow. Twice I raised my hand to get Alice's attention—Danielle stood frozen in the middle of the store, her eyes wide as saucers; she had a hard time believing what was happening and she wasn't at all sure how her boss, whom she always referred to as _the Doc_, would react if she found out her new clothes had been sponsored by some obviously hyperactive tiny girl—but she ignored me. Having paid and written _Don't you dare return any of it!_ on the bag with black permanent marker—which was a little weird, even for Alice, she instructed her to buy make-up and which.

"Just helping her out," Alice said when I asked her about it on the way back to the car.

I rolled my eyes as I unlocked the car. Sometimes even I had a hard time figuring Alice out.

—

Alice prattled away once we were back in the car, but I didn't catch half of what she was saying. I felt as if I'd downed a bottle of ice water, a feeling I recognized as anxiety, and the feeling intensified as the evening drew nearer. I was trying to stay out of Alice's head and not to dwell on her visions of Bella's future, which would soon we intertwined with her own again, but I still caught glimpses.

Would I have a place in that future as well?

Arriving home, Alice detailed Jasper to carry her bags inside, which weren't too heavy for her, just too many.

"You're in a good mood tonight," Jasper said, brushing his lips briefly across her forehead as she went to greet him.

"I am," she replied, reaching for his hand and pulling him to the car. Jasper raised his eyebrows at me, but he didn't gave my anxiety a second thought; he was used to getting conflicting emotions from me. No doubt he'd be glad to discover the reason, which Alice would certainly tell him the second we'd left for the gala.

Carlisle wasn't home yet, but Esme was, and she'd already changed into a dress. "You're very beautiful tonight," I said, smiling, and kissed her on the forehead which caused her to smile back at me.

"Thank you," she replied. "I'm so glad you've decided to join us."

I had trouble keeping my smile in place after that.

I went upstairs to get changed as well. I heard Carlisle arrive at half past seven, later then he'd anticipated because of an emergency appendectomy, and he didn't drop by as he usually did as he darted into the room he shared with Esme to shower and change. Alice wished me good luck, and then we were off. Carlisle drive, Esme beside him, while I sat in the back of the Mercedes, watching the lights of the city flash by. They were quite looking forward to the evening, and so was I but with trepidation. I kept wondering how Bella would react, what she'd say, what my parents would say, until Alice sent me a text message again, telling me to stop fretting. It was always so easy for her. Her future was always clear for her, and she rarely made mistakes because she knew she consequences of each decision. And then, of course, Alice wasn't the one who'd decided to leave Bella, the one who'd lied to her, so there was no need for her to be afraid. I envied her that although I knew I had no right to.

We arrived a little before eight. Waiting for Carlisle to find a parking spot, Esme and I stood in front of the main entrance, bits of conversations and music drifting out to us, swelling whenever the glass doors were pushed open and ebbing when they had closed again. I let my mind drift, trying to locate the black hole that was Bella's silent mind out of the ocean of people, something I'd been quite apt at once, but today I was having no luck. Esme didn't notice my anxiety as she quietly told me about her day, but I was still glad when Carlisle came hurrying towards us, distracting her. I opened the door, and we stepped into the warm, crowed entrance hall, a million of different smells and noises filling the air. Taking Esme's coat, Carlisle pointed out several of his colleagues. I was barely listening. I was scanning the sea of faces for Bella, but I couldn't find her, and the air-conditioned air held no scent of her trace.

Maybe she'd changed her mind.

"Carlisle," a voice I recognized as Dean Henry Lambert's called, and we all turned. Hand extended, he strode to meet us, a pleasant, dishonest smile on his face. "I'm glad you could make it. It's very nice to see you again… Edward." My answering smile was a somewhat frosty, but he didn't notice. I'd taken an instant disliking to the men when I first met him, and he wasn't doing a thing to correct that first impression. "And you, I assume, are Mrs Cullen," Lambert said, focusing on Esme now, which, judging by his thoughts, was much more interesting than talking to a teenager who, in his opinion, was a waste of space. He liked what he saw, was sorry that Esme was worried and here with her husband and wondered if he could charm her into going up to his office with her. Disgusting. "It's very nice to meet you. How do you like Anchorage?"

"It's lovely," Esme replied politely, oblivious to Lambert's thoughts. "A little cold maybe." She glanced at Carlisle, whose lips curved into a slight smile.

"It is," Lambert agreed. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you've decided to move here, but I have a hard time understanding why. Me, I've grown up here and so have most of the staff, but our newest addition—well, aside from you—moved up here from California. Why someone would give up all that for a place where the sun almost never shines is beyond me."

I felt my body go very still. I fought to keep my expression even, but it was hard. Carlisle and Esme glanced at each other again, then Carlisle turned to me. _Is the vampire working here?_ he asked, but I couldn't bring myself to even nod. Confusion swept across his mind as he saw me standing here, rooted to the spot, an expression on my face he couldn't place. _What's wrong?_ Again I didn't answer. Carlisle's brows knitted together as his confusion grew.

"I'd love to introduce you, though. She might be able to help you, give you a couple of tips to make the transition easier. Living in Alaska can be quite challenging." Lambert smiled expectantly. Carlisle spoke to me again, but his words didn't register. "We'd love to meet her," he said eventually.

Lambert called out to a woman who had just entered. It was Danielle, the young woman Alice had insisted on paying so many clothes for, and I realized that taking me shopping for a new tuxedo while I had at least four of them, all in perfect condition, in my closet had only been a pretence for making sure Bella appeared properly attired tonight. Danielle drifted over with her boyfriend, her mind and body language making it clear that she'd rather be going in the opposite direction. She didn't care much for Lambert because of his tendency to jump any female as long as she had too legs and breasts, and was afraid he was calling her over because she wanted her to go find Bella.

"Have you seen your boss?" he asked, confirming Danielle's fear. An image of Bella appeared in his mind, and my body went even more rigid at the accompanying thoughts.

"I believe she had. Would you like me to tell her that you'd like to talk to her should I happen to see her?" Danielle had no intention of actually doing so. She would try to avoid Bella, so she wouldn't have to lie to Lambert about it later. Lambert, however, wouldn't have that.

"No, I don't," he said. "I'd like you to find her and ask her to join us. And tell Isabella that if she wants to keep her job she'd better hurry." He whispered the last sentence into Danielle's ear, because he didn't want us to overhear. We still did. Carlisle and Esme both looked at me, Esme shocked at Lambert's tone of voice, but Carlisle had made the connection, had remembered the wolves on Bella's dresser and solved the puzzle. _Edward?_ he thought, his mind stunned with disbelief. Again I didn't answer.

Suddenly Bella's scent was everywhere. I recognised it at once, but Carlisle and Esme spun around, Carlisle's arm extended to hide Esme halfway behind his back. I saw Bella appear in their minds, hunched together ever so slightly as she froze instinctively. I closed my eyes. She wore the very dress Alice had picked out, and she had chosen well. Bella was beautiful. Confusion, shock and surprise coloured my parents's minds. Finally, I turned as well, and the hesitant smile disappeared from Bella's face as if it had been wiped away.

I shouldn't have come.

Lambert had noticed her too. A patronising smile spread across his face, revealing teeth that were too white and straight to be real. "Dr Swan," he said, in a voice which made me want to bash his head in. Neither Esme nor Carlisle noticed my inner turmoil. They kept staring at Bella as if she was a mirage; they were afraid she might vanish again if they even so much as blinked. Bella stepped closer. Lambert grabbed her hand although she hadn't offered it to him, and her face froze, all expression suddenly gone. I felt a growl rumble in my chest, my lips pull back over my teeth. I didn't want him to touch her against her will. Her gaze swept briefly in my direction, and I smothered the growl before it could ever make it out, glancing at the wall which was decorated with paintings my clouded brain couldn't make sense of. "How are you today?" Lambert asked. I turned my head ever so slightly to gauge her reaction. "That's a beautiful dress you're wearing." His eyes moved across her body, lingering on the low-cut neckline of her dress longer than they should have. He imagined taking it off, then the lingerie she was wearing underneath. I clenched my jaw.

"I'm fine, thank you," Bella replied, her voice like music, but I heard the threat in her voice , saw the predatory edge of her polite smile and Lambert, if only subconsciously, heard and saw it too. Heart racing, he dropped his hand. The tangy scent of adrenaline filled the air. A fleeting smile, somewhat smug, flitted across Bella's face, but didn't settle there. "How's your family?" she asked politely, but I couldn't tell if she was really interested or not.

"They're fine. They're here somewhere." Lambert loosened his tie, sweat dripping down his temples. He had no idea why he was suddenly feeling so uncomfortable. All thoughts of Bella naked were gone. "I think I'll go find them. I just wanted to introduce you to Dr Cullen and his family. They just moved down here from…" He raised an eyebrow at Carlisle, having already forgotten.

"Richmond," Carlisle supplied, having decided to take matters into his own hands since I kept ignoring his plea for an answer. _Did you know?_ Esme inquired silently, finally daring to take her eyes off Bella for a second to look at me. I didn't answer her either. I didn't know what to say.

I should never have lied to them.

"It's very nice to meet you, Dr Swan. I'm Carlisle Cullen, my wife Esme, and our son Edward." He glanced at me again, his forehead creased. _We're going to have a talk later, Edward!_ There was no trace of anger, not even disappointment in Carlisle's mind, only happiness to see Bella again, but it still sounded like a threat.

"Pleasure," she replied curtly. Carlisle smiled, undeterred by her bewildering behaviour, but confused by it. Esme was too, and I was curious as well as to why she wouldn't be happy to see my parents again. I knew how much she'd always loved them.

"A pleasure, indeed. Dr Lambert here told us that you moved down here from California last year?" Carlisle had always been very good at reading people, having had the opportunity to study them for so long a time, and he didn't need Jasper's ability to sense, more subconscious than anything else, that Bella would leave the second Lambert, who'd all but ordered her here in the first place, was gone. Carlisle thought he might not get a second chance to have his questions answered.

"Yes, I did. I needed a change."

"I see you've found something to talk about," Lambert said. "If you'll excuse me. I'm sure my wife is wondering what's keeping me." He sauntered off, heading in the opposite direction of where his wife and daughter stood, looking around, bored. I wondered if his wife knew what he was up to. Maybe it didn't bother her.

"Danielle," Bella said, catching my attention again. "Would you mind getting me something to eat? I haven't had a change to grab a bite since breakfast."

"What would you like?" she asked, frowning at me. I looked vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn't place me.

"Surprise me," Bella answered, smiling, and Danielle disappeared with her boyfriend in tow who, glancing repeatedly back over his shoulder, quietly asked her if she'd ever had a threesome. Unbelievable. I knew things had changed since when I was born and while I'd literally all the time in the world to get used to more modern notions of sexuality my thinking hadn't changed as much as I would like. Emmett thought I was inhibited, but Emmett wasn't the best example to serve as a rule for everyone else. "So," Bella said.

"It's been a while," Esme said eventually, smiling. Bella's face, however, remained blank, and Esme's smile wavered. _What's wrong?_ she asked, worried. Carlisle glanced at me again. I looked away.

Finally Bella spoke, and relief washed through Esme's mind, but only until Bella's words fully registered with her. "It has," she agreed. "Look, I'm sorry Lambert made you talk to me. I promise I won't bother you again if I can help it." Esme's lips parted, but she had no idea what to say. She looked at Carlisle, then at me. _What have you done?_ she asked quietly. Was it something I'd done? I knew she wasn't happy with her new life, and maybe she blamed us for it. Without us she'd never have been introduced to our world. However, for unfathomable reasons Bella seemed to be under the impression that my family wouldn't _want_ to see her again, and that was weird, because Esme and Carlisle had regarded her as her daughter from the moment she'd stepped into our house for the very first time and were thrilled to have her back.

"Bella," Esme said slowly, her voice gentle as if talking to a smile child, "we don't want you to leave. In fact," she looked at me again, her amber eyes burning with anger, "we're _all_ glad to see you." I didn't miss the emphasis, and neither did Bella. For one entire second, her face was calm and composed, then raw fury twisted her perfect features.

"Are you?" she snarled viciously. Carlisle began moving in front of Esme again, but by putting her hand against his chest she stopped him and he obeyed, if unwilling. "It's been nine years, Esme," she hissed, too quiet for anyone else to overhear but loud for us. She might as well have been screaming at the top of her lungs. "I haven't heard from you in nine years, and suddenly you're glad to see me? You didn't visit, you didn't call, you didn't write. Not even Alice came back for me. How can I believe that I ever meant something to you when you just abandoned me? How can I believe that you ever loved me? Don't you lie to me, Esme. Don't you dare lie to me!" Her voice broke at the very last sentence. Her shoulders sagged as the fury disappeared from her face and was instead replaced by despair, and she wrapped her arms around her chest again in that curious fashion as if she wanted to hold herself together. I wanted to reach out for her, comfort her, take her pain away, but I couldn't. _What have you done?_ Carlisle asked, echoing Esme's word. I closed my eyes again. I didn't want to so. I couldn't believe this was the best outcome Alice had seen._ Edward…_ Esme this time, and finally the disappointment I'd feared and expected. I shouldn't have lied. Not now, not then. I should have told Bella the truth, should have told her that my leaving her had nothing at all to do with my feelings but everything with her safety, with my desire to protect her. I hadn't want to hurt her, and yet I had.

"Let's step outside for a moment, shall we?" Esme suggested eventually. "Carlisle would like to talk to Edward in private."

"I just want to go home, Esme," Bella replied wearily.

"I think we need to talk," Esme said gently. "It won't take long, I promise." Esme didn't look at me as she took Bella's elbow and gently steered her outside, leading her around the hospital and into the park where Esme was too far away for me to read her mind.

Very slowly Carlisle turned to face me. I'd never seen him this angry, this disappointed. I clenched my fists. I deserved every bit of it.

"It was Bella's house we broke into?" he asked, his voice far calmer than his thoughts.

"Yes," I whispered.

"You knew it was hers?"

"Yes. I…" I took a deep breath. "I didn't want you there when she returned. I wanted to talk to her alone, thinking that maybe… I don't know what I was thinking," I said miserably. "I left so she'd be safe, but I failed. I almost tore my family apart, and I failed. And you're so happy to see her again and it feels as if you're glad I failed. I know it's irrational, but… I failed, and I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to know that everything I did was all for nothing."

"You should have told us," Carlisle said quietly, his anger already fading. "You were doing what you thought was right. We never would have blamed you."

"I know, but…"

"Did Alice know?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes. Afterwards. Alice never saw that Bella was changed. And soon after I left her, her future disappeared. It only returned this morning. Alice doesn't know why that is. Don't be mad at her. She wanted me to tell you."

"I'm not mad at her." Carlisle sighed. "I'm not even mad at you. Disappointed, but not mad. At least some good came out of the mess with the killer." I winced, but Carlisle didn't apologise for his blunt words. "I wish we knew who it is, though. It obviously isn't Bella." A thought crossed his mind, one I'd pondered many, many times during the weekend. "I wonder who changed her. Did you ask her?"

"No. She didn't want to talk to me."

"I thought she'd be happy to see you again," Carlisle replied, frowning, "but her behaviour tonight… What exactly did you tell her?" I knew what he was referring to.

"I told her that it was too dangerous for her to be part of our world. I also told her," I swallowed, steeling myself, "that I didn't love her anymore. I thought it would make things easier."

Carlisle sighed again. "You certainly have a talent for making things more complicated than they have to be, Edward. Apologise to her. Tell her you lied."

He was right of course, but an apology wouldn't fix things. Would Bella even accept an apology when she learned I had lied to her?

Esme and Bella returned soon after that, the latter calmer, the former glaring at me. Bella had told her what I'd said to her that night in the forest. I looked at the floor, ashamed. Carlisle pulled Bella in a gently embrace, a rare show of affection for him. "I'm glad to have you back," he said, smiling, and this time Bella smiled back, returning his hug.

"So am I," she said. "I can't wait to see Alice."

"Knowing Alice, neither can she," Esme replied. "And Emmett and Jasper will be so happy, too. We'll also introduce you to our cousins in Denali." She didn't mention Rosalie. I wondered if Bella noticed, too. Rosalie wouldn't be too thrilled. "Where have you been hunting?" It was quite a casual question, but Esme couldn't help thinking how strange it was to be talking about that kind of things with Bella.

"British Columbia. I didn't want to bother anyone."

"We don't mind, and neither will our cousins, I am sure."

Bella smiled. "I'm glad. Look, I'd really like to go home now. It's been a bit much. I need to be alone now."

"We understand," Esme said. "Just call when you're ready."

"I will. I promise. Bye." She drifted off more gracefully than I'd ever seen her move and disappeared down the stairs.

"You have to set things right," Esme said once Bella was gone.

I stared at the glass doors through which Bella had disappeared, and couldn't help but fear that setting things right would be impossible.

And if Bella never forgave me, then what was I supposed to do?


	12. Mending

A/N: I can't believe I actually managed to write something with all the studying I have to do, but I did. This isn't the original chapter. A lot more was supposed to happen in this chapter, but just as I loved writing all those Edward and Alice moments I already wrote, I loved writing this Bella and Alice moment, so it turned out to be longer than I thought it would. I hope you don't mind and like what I came up with.

That's definitely the last I'll post before my big exam on February 15, so wish me luck!

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga and all its characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. Olivia, Mrs Morris and Danielle are mine, though.

12. MENDING

BELLA

That night was the first night I didn't spend sitting behind the sofa in front of the window, staring outside until it was time to leave again. I was vibrating with energy when I stepped out of the car, which I'd decided to park in the garage since it had to spend the last four nights outside and I didn't expect to have to leave again tonight. In fact, I was feeling positively giddy, which I hadn't expected. When I left the party I'd felt drained, exhausted. I had believed they'd left me because they didn't love me anymore, had believed that every time they told me they loved me they'd lied. Now I knew I'd been wrong. They'd always loved me. They hadn't forgotten me.

They'd never come because because Edward had asked them to.

I didn't think I could ever forgive him for doing that to me. I couldn't force him to stay with me when he didn't love me anymore—I loved him too much to do that to him, to take the chance of finding his soulmate away from him—when we we'd once had no longer existed, but he'd had no right to take his family away from me. I _did_ understand why he'd done it. I'd seen what it did to you when you couldn't get away from someone who still loved you. Leah had suffered terribly before she imprinted, and it had been hard for Sam as well because he'd always known what she was feeling since they couldn't _not_ share every thought and emotion when they were wolves and telepathically connected. Intellectually, I understood why Edward had told them to stay away. Esme had said he still blamed himself for not being able to keep Jasper from attacking me, that he'd left because he wanted to protect me, and maybe that was true. He _had_ made me promise not to do anything reckless after all. But if he'd allowed his family to keep in touch he'd have to put up with me, with the ex-girlfriend he couldn't get away from—just like Sam and Leah. I didn't know what to believe anymore, but for once I didn't car. Esme had said I'd always been part of their family, that I'd always have a place with them if only I wanted it.

At that point, when I realized that I had them back, that they'd never leave me, not because of Edward, I'd started laughing so hard my eyes stung with tears I couldn't shed, and even now as I closed the door of the garage behind me I couldn't wipe a big grin of my face. I'd clean my office, which I rarely entered anymore because it made me sad, tonight, I decided, then watch TV or read; I hadn't done either in so long. I leapt up the front steps, giggling like a teenager while I dug for my keys—then the wind shifted, carrying the scent of a vampire towards me, a scent I didn't know. I spun around, prepared to fight since now I had something to fight _for_, and the giggle I'd chocked back down broke out of my chest as hysterical laughter at the expression on Alice's face. She stood on the narrow path leading up to my front door, her arms raised, her face comically twisted like that of a child whose mother just caught her with her hand down the cookie jar. Her amber eyes were sparkling with laughter, though, as she straightened, pouting a little, which told me she'd planned this.

"You scared me," I managed accusingly, then started laughing again. Alice joined, her laughter the sound of tinkling bells. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed that sound. I smiled hesitantly, still giggling, and Alice crossed the distance between us in a single stride and flung herself around my neck.

"I've missed you," she squealed. I hugged her back, inhaling her sweet scent, able to distinguish between different fragrances where before I'd only smelled pleasant sweetness.

"I've missed you too," I whispered into her shoulder. "You could have called."

Alice leaned back, her arms still around my neck. "I _should_ have called," she corrected me, "and I'm sorry I didn't. I shouldn't have listened to my idiot brother." I winced at the mention of Edward, but Alice pretended not to notice as her eyes travelled over my face, then down and across the black dress Danielle had picked out for me. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, which told me she knew something I didn't but couldn't wait to share.

It was as if she'd never left.

"Do you like the dress?" she blurted.

"Yeah, I do." I looked down at myself. It was snowing again, and perfect crystals in varying shapes and sizes were scattered across the black fabric like stars across the night sky. "I didn't buy it myself, though," I admitted. "I sort of forgot about the gala. My assistant picked it out for me this afternoon. She bought a lot of other things too, so I'm not looking forward to the credit card bill."

"Oh, well," Alice said sheepishly.

I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously. "What?"

"I wouldn't worry about that bill," she replied in a small voice, adding quickly, "I'm glad you like it, though. I knew it would suit you."

"You're unbelievable," I said slowly. I should have checked the name on the credit card bill, but since I'd assumed Danielle had paid with my own it hadn't occurred to me. I wasn't angry at her, though. I was touched, and while Alice would probably rip my head off if tried to thank her for the _trouble_ she'd gone through, insisting that it hadn't been trouble at all but fun (and, for her, it probably was) my heart warmed at the thought of her driving downtown to buy me clothes. Still. If this was going to work I had to set a few ground rules. "I'm going to pay you back, Alice," I said.

"No, you're not," she replied firmly. "You're family now. What's ours is yours. And that's not open for discussion." She strode past me with an air of finality.

_That went well_, I thought.

"Esme said that too," I said after a while, turning to face her again, "but I don't see how it's supposed to work. Edward and I are bound to run into one another, and I don't think I'll…" I took a deep breath. No need telling Alice that I was an emotional wreck. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"You know," Alice said, plucking the key I'd finally dug out of my purse out of my hand to unlock the door, "maybe you guys should talk."

"What's there to talk about?" I followed her inside where it was only marginally warmer since I'd left most of the windows open. It hadn't done much good; the entire first floor still smelled of Edward and so, I suspected, would the second floor. "He doesn't love me anymore. End of story." I kept my voice even. I didn't want Alice to see me break down. I slipped out of my shoes and put my bag and the keys on the small table beside the door. Alice was simply looking at me.

"What?" I asked eventually.

"Nothing. I just happen to think that it would help."

I shook my head. "No, it wouldn't. You're wrong this time, Alice." It wouldn't. It couldn't. If Edward had ever loved me, it wouldn't have been so easy for him to leave me. It was as simple as that.

"If you say so," Alice said in a voice which made me think she hadn't even listened to, let alone thought about, what I'd just said and went into the living room. There she paused, hands on her hips and tsked disapprovingly. It had taken her exactly the quarter of a second to take in the polished floor, the white walls and empty shelves and the equally empty mantelpiece. "I can't believe this is where you live," she exclaimed incredulously.

"Alice," I said softly, walking around her, "do you know what I usually do when I get home from work?"

"I watch reruns of Oprah," Alice replied, smiling, but her eyes were weary and I knew she'd sensed the sudden change in my mood. Happiness had suddenly returned to my life, and I wanted to hold on to it and never let it go, but I couldn't simply forget the months of loneliness and despair. They were part of my life and always would be.

"I sit in front of the window and look outside until it's time to leave again," I told her quietly. "I don't read. I watch TV. I have no pictures of my friends or my parents because it hurts to see them, knowing how much they worry about me, knowing I won't be able to see them again. It's how I've kept myself from going insane."

Alice was looking at her feet.

"I'm sorry," I said, hugging her again. "It's how I felt. It's past now, though, I think." I smiled down at her. "I have you and Jasper, and Carlisle and Esme, and Emmett. Maybe even Rosalie. I'm not alone anymore."

"No, you're not," Alice replied firmly, finally looking at me. "And we're never going to leave you again."

"Good." I grinned. "Now, let's get upstairs. I thought I'd clean my study tonight. I haven't used it in a while."

"Sure," Alice agreed.

We went upstairs in silence, and while I was changing into clothes more suitable for cleaning, Alice sat down cross-legged on the bed, watching as I slipped out of the dress and into a pair of jeans and a shirt, though I suspected it wasn't really me she was looking at but my closet and what was in it. I draped the dress carefully over a hanger and put it on the rack in the back; I probably wouldn't need it anytime soon. I turned. Alice was frowning. I quickly closed the door, hoping she wasn't thinking what I feared she was thinking.

"Where's the rest?" she asked.

"In the car," I replied, assuming she was referring to the pile of clothes Danielle had left for me this afternoon.

"Alright," Alice said, disappeared and was back a second later, the bags slung over her shoulder. Turning it upside down, she emptied it on the bed and began sorting through the pile of clothes. I caught the bag she'd discarded and folded it neatly in half before stashed it away in the pantry for later use as trash bag. When I returned upstairs, Alice was buried inside my closet, tossing blouse after blouse, shirt after shirt on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, horrified. I stood frozen in the doorway, looking at the growing pile of clothes, then back at Alice, who briefly glanced at me and shrugged, not the least bit impressed by the horror in my face.

"What's it look like?" she replied, dragging over the bed so she could reach the top shelf, its heavy feet leaving scratch marks as they scraped over the wooden floor, and Alice didn't even have the decency to pretend to be ashamed.

"Have you lost your mind?" I asked.

"I'm doing you a favour," she replied. "It's for your own good."

"I doubt that," I replied icily.

Alice sighed and turned to face me, a purple bag in her hands I'd never used. It wasn't even pretty, and I couldn't remember why I'd bought it—maybe I'd bought it before I was changed. Maybe Olivia had given it to me. It was the kind of present she'd buy. "Bella, please. You have know idea how guilty I'm feeling right now."

"Alice, you don't…" I began, but she shook her head.

"Yes, I do. I screwed up. I should never have listened to Edward. I didn't know why I did. I saw how much you suffered—well, before you disappeared from my sight anyway—and I should have come back. I'm sorry I didn't."

I sighed and plucked Alice down from the bed to hug her again. I was surprised at how little she weighed; then again, my measure was probably off, considering I could lift a grown tree out of the ground without any problems. "Well," I said, "if I said I never blamed you for abandoning me, I'd be lying. But I didn't know that Edward had asked you not to contact me. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"We've always loved you," Alice said firmly.

"I know." I smiled reassuringly. I didn't want Alice to feel guilty. I wanted her to be as happy as I was right now. "What I meant to say was that I don't blame you for not coming back. Not anymore. I'm just glad to have you back. And," I added, "threatening to buy me new clothes isn't the best way to make it up to me—which you don't have to anyway."

Alice looked up at me from under her lashes, her amber eyes wide. I knew that look and I knew that Alice would get what she wanted, and probably more. I was such a sucker for guilt trips. "Please," she breathed, then squealed in delight as she saw my decision. "I promise you won't regret it."

"Oh, somehow I'm rather sure I will," I replied, sighing in resignation, but seeing Alice's smile light up the room was almost worth it.

—

Alice decided to help me.

As I opened the door to my study Alice, standing on tiptoe so she could see, peeked past my shoulder and wrinkled her nose in disgust. I had to agree with her. I didn't go in here very often, usually just to drop off the magazines that had arrived in the mail, and everything—aside from the things Edward had moved or touched—was covered in a thick layer of grey, in some placed almost black sticky dust.

"Ugh," Alice said.

I slowly nodded, carefully moving a pile of of magazines aside so I could close the window. I'd stacked them as high as the ceiling in some places—no shelves; I hadn't bothered to buy any when I first moved in—because I'd never gotten around to cancel the subscriptions. Reminding me of what I'd lost, I rarely glanced into them.

_I'll read them next weekend_, I thought, feeling more optimistic than I had in years, and the feeling made me grin. I turned and found Alice standing in the middle of the room, almost disappearing behind a pile of magazines. Revolving slowly around herself, her eyebrows knit together in disapproval, she took her time assessing the situation. "So," she said.

I braced myself for another lecture.

"Where do you want to start?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Where do you want to start?" she repeated, impatiently enunciating each word. "What?" she asked when I didn't reply immediately.

"Nothing," I managed eventually. "I'm just not used to you asking first. Period."

Alice shot me a dirty look. "I always ask first," she replied. "Well, when it's not as vitally important as clothes that is," she added.

"Good to know," I said, laughing. "Alright, I guess we should get these outside." I gingerly picked up a magazine and shook it gently, which I shouldn't have done. Black dust virtually exploded in every direction. Alice quickly dove out of the way. "Well, maybe we should dust them first," I amended, dropping the magazine back on the pile to wipe the sticky grime off my fingers and then the dust which had settled on my face.

Sorting the magazines so Alice could stack them according to specialty, subject and, within these categories, date of release outside in the hallway once she'd wiped off the dirt, I told her about my life after they left Forks, about graduation a year later, my time at Stanford and later in Pasadena, about Olivia who'd been my best friend, and my work in the ER. I edited a lot. I didn't tell her what I'd been like in those first months after they left, didn't tell her about Jake and his pack because it hurt, didn't tell her how I'd been changed because those memories were painful, too, and because I didn't want Victoria to taint my new-found happiness.

Half an hour later the study was empty but for the desk which didn't fit through the door—it had already been here when I moved in like most of the furniture I possessed—and Alice went into the bathroom to fetch a bucket of water, humming quietly to herself as she turned on the faucet. Meanwhile, I examined the walls that, once white, were grey in places. It wasn't a pretty sight. "I think we'll have to repaint," I said with a sigh.

"Let's do it now," Alice suggested, barely raising her voice over the sound of water splashing into a plastic bucket. "Lowe's is open twenty-four/seven. I'll buy everything we need if you give me your car."

I frowned. "Now?"

"Why not?" she asked.

"Huh," I said, then shrugged. Alice was right. Why not? It wasn't like I had anything else planned for tonight. "Alright." I stared at the walls, then the dark hardwood floor and the desk, trying to figure out which colour would look best.

"Yellow," Alice said, returning and putting the bucket, which was crowned with white foam, down beside my feet. "Vanilla maybe, or cream." A frown creased her forehead. "I think tangerine yellow would look nice, too."

I stared at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Frankly, I had no idea there's a difference between vanilla and cream. And what on earth is tangerine yellow?"

"It's a shade darker than gold," Alice began, then saw the look I shot her and rolled her eyes. "I'll bring samples."

I sighed. "Fine."

"Terrific." Alice smiled. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Wait…" Alice's voice trailed off, her eyes staring past me, looking at something only she could see. "Make that thirty," she said eventually, eyebrows knit together in disapproval. "Accident."

While Alice was gone I cleaned the desk, starting by pulling out and wiping down the drawers which we'd already emptied. _I should have asked Alice to bring wood polis_h, I thought halfway through, but when she returned exactly thirty minutes later she'd not only brought paint, brushes, tape and covering sheets but also high-quality wood polish. And, I noted as I peeked in one of the bags, lots of other things she thought I would need.

"Now," Alice said, having opened the buckets of paint, each a different shade of yellow, and lined them up in the middle of the room, "that's cream, that's vanilla, and that's," she pointed at the last bucket, filled with golden liquid, "tangerine yellow."

"It's pretty," I said after a moment.

Alice beamed. "I thought you'd say that. Tangerine it is."

Painting was Alice was fun, but it was also a little surreal, just like talking to Jake the other night, wedged in between two horse-sized wolves, had been a little surreal. I'd been so angry this morning, angry because Edward had dared return into my life though he'd promised he wouldn't, and desperate because I still loved him and always would, and lonely because his family's absence the other night had proven right what I'd come to believe, that they didn't love me, didn't want me. Now things had changed so completely in the course of not even twenty-four hours that, had I still been able to sleep, I'd have believed I was dreaming.

I was still angry at Edward—for different reasons—and there was still a touch of despair that would always be there, the knowledge that he didn't love me anymore when I still did, but I was no longer lonely. I had a family now, and I would never be alone again. I smiled at Alice's back as she moved her brush swiftly across the wall as if she'd been doing it all her life. Sensing my smile, she turned, her lips curved into a smile as well.

"What?" she asked, unaware of the paint dripping from her brush onto her designer jeans, leaving neat, bright yellow dots on the almost black fabric. I pressed the hand not holding my own brush in front of my mouth, trying to reign the laughter in.

"What?" Alice asked again, just as I burst into laughter that echoed off the walls, the first time I'd ever laughed inside this house, and then she did notice. "Shit!" she exclaimed, dropping the brush into the bucket and sending paint flying everywhere. I dropped by own brush more carefully to wrap my arms around my torso, laughing so hard I didn't know how to stop. Ignoring me, Alice stalked into the bathroom where I heard her rummaging frantically in the cabinets. "My favourite pair of jeans," she whimpered, then, directed at me, an panicky edge to her voice, "Do you have any bile soap or Vanish? I don't care! Just something!"

I darted into the bathroom, still giggling. "I don't think bile soap and Vanish work on paint."

Alice shot me a frantic look. I burst into laughter again, barely evading Alice's arm as she took a swipe at me, teeth bared in a snarl, which, much to her displeasure, only made me laugh harder. Jeez, did she love that pair of jeans! "Take them off," I told her, grinning, "olive soap might work."

"Really?" Alice stripped them off in a heart-beat, revealing very feminine underwear with lots of lace. It didn't look very comfortable "Olive soap?"

"Uh-hu." I peered into the cabinet for the small box where I kept my collection of soaps; finding soap that didn't stink—and there were many of those out there—wasn't easy, so I tended to by ahead, and I was pretty sure a slice of olive soap was in there, too, not because I liked the smell (I decidedly did not) but because a few weeks before Victoria had attacked me, Olivia and I had repainted my bedroom and I'd gotten paint on one of my favourite shirts. I'd panicked—pretty much the same way Alice was panicking now, though I'd only admit that over my pile of ashes—until Liv had called her mother, who'd told her that, for whatever reasons, olive soap was a fool-proof way to get paint out of almost any kind of fabric, and, much to my surprise, she'd been right. I found the box behind a roll of toilet paper. Straightening, I turned on the faucet to splash water over the stains, then gently rubbed the soap over it. Alice's anxiety which made her hover so close to me I jabbed my elbow into her stomach every time I moved—not that she seemed to mind—was beginning to get on my nerves.

"You'd think I was handling raw eggs," I muttered to which Alice, knowing what was good for her, didn't reply. I rinsed the spot twice to see if the paint was gone, then held it out for inspection. Alice all but yanked it out of my hands, peering down at the spot which was wet but colourless, then straightened and sighed in relief. "You're very welcome," I said frostily, reaching beside her to turn on the heated towel rack. "Hang it up to dry. You can put on something from the pile on my bedroom floor."

Alice wrinkled her nose—apparently my clothes were unacceptable even as spares—but she disappeared down the hallway and into my bedroom anyway. Returning into my office a moment later, Alice was already there, wearing a faded pair of blue jeans with holes in it. "I can't believe you'd keep stuff like that," she said, shaking her head in disbelief as she picked up her brush again.

I decided not to reply. "You know what?" I asked instead.

Alice glanced over her shoulder, brush on the wall again. "What?" she replied, scowling, quite obviously assuming I'd tease her about her jeans again. It was exactly what I'd meant to say, but then I changed my mind, catching Alice by surprise when I said, "I'm glad to have you back."

—

"May I ask you a question?" Alice said five hours later, the sky outside already red instead of black. We'd finished painting the study a few hours ago, the window was clear of dust and the desk back at its old position underneath it. The room was still empty, though. Alice had decided that I needed shelves, and I had to admit that she was right, so she'd ordered four online along with other office supplies she thought I might need. Mrs Morris, she'd said when I voiced my concern about complete strangers unsupervised in my house, would be very happy to keep an eye on them; I just had to ask her before I left for work this morning.

"You already are," I replied, "asking, I mean." I finally turned off the computer. Alice had ordered clothes, too. Many clothes, too many, and too expensive, so expensive in fact that she hadn't let me see the end sum. If she did, she told me, I'd change my mind again. Knowing it would make her feel better, I'd decided to accept her gift with good grace—but I'd also made clear that I didn't want any more presents after that. I didn't think Alice had listened, though. She was very good at tuning out things she didn't want to hear.

Alice smiled at my reply, swivelling the chair around to face me and pulling up her legs—she was wearing her own pair of paint-less jeans again—to her chest to put her chin on her knees, a curious and also somewhat thoughtful expression on her face. I'd answered a lot of questions that night, so I wasn't surprised she wasn't done. I was surprised that she'd asked first now, though.

"Where did you go last week after your conversation with Edward?"

My eyebrows rose; I hadn't expected that particular question. "Didn't you see?" I asked. I didn't want to talk about Jake now. I wanted to hold on to that feeling of happiness, of bliss just a little while longer.

Alice shook her head, her forehead creasing in frustration. "No, I didn't. In fact, I've barely seen you at all since we left Forks."

"Has that ever happened before?" I asked instead of answering her question, curious now as well. I leaned against the desk, left leg propped up against the cabinet underneath, loosely folded hands resting on my knee. It wasn't any more comfortable than standing. In fact, standing wasn't even _un_comfortable, a position I could maintain for hours at a time without tiring—I didn't tire anymore—but while the little things I had to remember in order to appear human—like blinking, moving my shoulders when I didn't breathe and brushing my hair out of my face—came easy to me now, were automatic, the big ones, like the fact that humans didn't stand around for hours without so much as flexing a muscle, not ever, were harder. I _had_ to remember, and I had to practice.

"No." Alice's frown deepened. "Edward asked me not to look into your future…"

_Why?_ I thought, grounding my teeth and clenching my fists to keep the fury blazing to life in my chest the second the words registered with me in check, but Alice, too preoccupied with her own problem, did't notice. _What gave him the right to ask that of her? _What had given him the right to ask his family to stay away from me? It had almost destroyed me. And in the end he hadn't been able to protect me after all.

"…but my visions aren't something I can't control," Alice continued. I forced myself to pay attention. This wasn't about me, this was about her. I'm very attuned to you, and although I tried to block them I still got flashes from you, at the beginning anyway. And then, one day, you were gone for good. I might have caught images of you after that, but what I saw was so brief, so," she struggled to find the right words, "hollow that I wrote them off as ghosts. It's what I call them," she explained, anticipating my question. "Visions that aren't really visions yet, just flashes of what might be. I think it's because the future is in constant flux, and sometimes the outcome hinges on too many decisions or unknown factors interfere with a decision… Anyway, I haven't seen you in almost eight and a half years. I only saw you when I saw Edward's decision to talk to you. As I said, I _might_ have caught you before that, but I'm not sure. And after that you disappeared again. And I need to know why."

"Are you afraid your ability is getting weaker?" I asked. Alice relied on that special sense of hers like others relied on their sense of vision, and the possibility of losing it _had_ to scare her.

"Well, maybe not afraid," her voice didn't betray the lie, but her eyes flickered, "nervous. That's the word I'd use." I didn't want to see Alice scared—or nervous. I wanted her as happy as I was now. If talking about Jake was what it took, I'd gladly pay that price and bear the pain thinking about him caused me.

"I went hunting," I began.

"I saw that," Alice interrupted me, "up to the point where you disposed of the dead bear. When you turned to leave you disappeared."

I frowned, trying to remember what I'd been thinking then. "I was thinking about visiting Charlie," I said slowly, "and that's what I did. I decided to go to Forks." Which didn't exactly solve the puzzle as to why I'd vanished from her sight.

"Huh," Alice said, unconvinced.

"I went to my father's house, watched him sleep, spent some time in my room," I didn't mention the presents I'd found there; I'd thrown them in the boxes in the spare bedroom when I cleaned up Edward's mess this morning, "and then I left and ran into Jacob." Who'd followed me down from the border. I still couldn't believe I hadn't noticed. I so sucked at this. If Jake hadn't recognised my scent, I'd probably be dead right now. "We talked. After I left I rented a motel somewhere in British Columbia where I spent the weekend. I decided to go home sometime Sunday night."

Alice frowned. "That's when you reappeared."

"Huh," I said, not knowing what else to contribute.

"Who's Jacob?" she asked after a while.

It was my turn to frown. "Jacob Black," I replied. "Don't you know about the treaty?"

Alice snapped upright, almost knocking me off the desk. "Ephraim Black's descendant?" she asked. "And, yes, I do know about the treaty. Really, Bella, werewolves?"

I chose to ignore the disapproval in her voice. "They're my friends. Well, they used to be. I didn't have anyone else, Alice."

"They're dangerous," she said, but her features had softened at my sharp reply.

"I know." Most of my memories had faded, but for some reason I remembered the scars on Emily's face, who'd simply been too close to Sam when he lost his temper. Alice was right. They were dangerous, and sometimes the people around them got hurt. But they'd also kept me safe, and I said so.

Alice stared at me. "Why would you have needed protection? We were gone. You were safe."

I just looked back at her. If I'd been so safe, then why was I a vampire now?

Alice's eyes widened as she realised she'd missed the obvious, then her gaze dropped to her feet, almost as if she was… ashamed? Was she still blaming her for not being there? Jesus. "I didn't see your change, either," she said after a while. "Did you know the vampire who did it? Was it deliberate?"

"No," I said, remembering the fury in Victoria's eyes as Jake had jumped her, the knowledge she'd come so close to killing me but wasn't able to finish the job. "It wasn't deliberate. If Jake hadn't been there, I'd be dead."

"Jacob again," Alice murmured, not realising I'd only answered part of her question. _Tell her_, a voice in my head urged. _Victoria's a danger. You have to stop her. And you can't do it alone_. No, I couldn't do it alone, but I didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't, not right now. I knew I was making a mistake, but I didn't think that waiting one more day would change anything. At least I hoped it wouldn't.

_You're an idiot_, was my conscience's comment on the matter. I ignored it.

"How long had the vampire been after you when it finally got you?" Alice asked eventually.

"Almost seven years," I replied.

Alice's eyes widened, her face paled. "And I didn't see any of it," she whispered, horrified. "How could I have missed something like that?" Leaping off the chair, Alice began pacing up and down. "Well, the pack didn't do a very good job of protecting you if the vampire caught up with you in the end," Alice said suddenly, acid in her voice.

"Don't you dare blame them for what happened to me," I snapped. Alice spun around, eyes wide in surprise; she hadn't anticipated my reaction. "If you have to blame someone, then blame your idiot brother."

Alice stared at me.

I looked away. I'd said too much. _Tell her_, my conscience piped up. _Shut up!_ I snapped back.

"Do you blame him?" Alice asked very quietly.

"No," I replied, looking outside. I spotted Mrs Morris's cat Pip in my backyard; at the beginning he'd been scared of me and bolted whenever he scented me, but he'd gotten used to me eventually. Maybe his feline instincts had told him that I meant him no harm. "I don't blame him for this." I gestured at myself. "I blame him for not being there for me when I was burning alive. I blame him for not being there when I woke up."

Falling silent, I finally turned. Alice had stopped pacing and stood in the middle of the room, hands folded in front of her chest as if she was praying.

"I don't blame him for leaving me," I whispered, "but he pulled me into this world, and he should have been there for me." I took a deep breath. "Well, he wasn't. Jake was. He went hunting with me to make sure I didn't do something I might regret later. He stayed with me as long as he could, and even afterwards, even though his alpha didn't approve, he was still there for me."

Alice didn't say anything, so I continued, "Point is, the pack's always done its level best to protect me. A year after you left they chased the vampire across the border, almost all the way up to Alaska. And they almost got her, too."

Alice's eyes flashed dangerously. "Her?"

"We thought I was safe after that," I said, ignoring her. "Still, Jake insisted I be guarded, just in case. He made Leah enrol at Stanford." I smiled at the memory. Leah had been livid. We'd never been very close, and while she'd appreciated the opportunity to get away from Sam—at least when they were not wolves—she'd hated the fact it was because of me. We'd never spent much time together. "Later, Jake flew up to Pasadena almost every other weekend. By then we believed she'd given up."

"But she hadn't?" Alice asked.

"No. I always knew she never wanted to just kill me, but," I smiled at the memory, crystal clear while so many others were gone and only the knowledge I'd once had them remained, "once I started bleeding she had to improvise. Jake almost tore her face off. He was right outside, had phased to contact Sam—they can communicate telepathically when they're wolves," I explained, "but came back when he heard me scream. She must have known he was there. I think she wanted to show him that he couldn't protect me after all." I paused.

_Tell her_, my conscience ordered again.

I didn't obey.

"Anyway," I said, trying to steer the conversation back to where we'd started, "I always was around the pack one way or the other until I was changed. Maybe they're the reason you couldn't see me. It would explain why I disappeared when I went to Forks last week."

"Huh." Alice didn't sound convinced. I had to admit that my theory was a bit far-fetched. Why would the wolves be the reason she couldn't see my future? "Well, I can see you now," she said eventually. "I'll tell you when you disappear again."

"Thanks," I said drily.

Alice smiled. "I have to leave now. I need to change before school starts."

"Why? Your jeans are paint-free now, aren't they?" I giggled.

Alice shot me a dirty look. "I'll be back tonight. Maybe I'll bring Esme. I bet she'd love to see you try on the clothes I bought you."

"You just ordered them," I said, eyes narrowing. "They won't arrive today."

"Oh," Alice replied in that knowing voice of hers, "they will."

I groaned, Alice's tinkling laughter filling the air.

At least she hadn't asked about Victoria.

—

Did you like it?


	13. Pain

A/N: I promised the next chapter sometime this week and here it is. I'm afraid Edward's whining quite a lot, but he sort of wanted to, so I let him. However, things are set in motion now. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for wishing me good luck for my exams; I don't know how it went. I hope I passed; I'd hate to do it all again. Thanks for the reviews and thanks to those who added "Lifelines" or any of my other stories to their Favourite Stories Lists! I appreciate it!

Disclaimer: Only the idea for this story belongs to me; the characters and settings of the Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.

13. PAIN

EDWARD

I decided to walk home.

I couldn't bear listening to Carlisle and Esme's thoughts right now, their silent anger, though I knew I didn't deserve better. I also knew, however, that it wouldn't do any good, would only force me deeper into the black void of the depression that had sunk its claws into me after I left Forks. Jasper was the only one who knew, and while he was worried about me he'd never spoken to me about it, had never told anyone, not even Alice, and eventually it had gotten better. And then I found Bella again, and for the first time in almost a decade I'd dared to hope. But she'd sent me away, her indifference shattering that hope. I wanted to lose myself in that darkness, that despair and that pain, wanted to bury myself in it until it swallowed me and I didn't have to feel again.

Maybe Carlisle and Esme had reason to worry about me after all.

I paused, hands deep in the pockets of my coat. I was walking instead of running. I didn't want to go home, didn't want to face my family, though a saner part of my mind kept insisting that I should. I knew that it was right, knew that being alone right now wasn't good for me, but I didn't care.

I caught errant thoughts although I tried not to listen. At times I found myself wishing I could turn my gift off, but just like Alice couldn't stop seeing the future and Jasper sensing emotions, I couldn't not listen, no matter how hard I tried. It wasn't very late yet, but there was only a handful of people in the street; it was one of the more dangerous parts of Anchorage. A homeless shrank away when he saw me, and a young woman hurriedly stepped into a supermarket, afraid I might try to mug her—or worse. I almost laughed despite myself, because the real danger, the man she should be afraid of, was a few yards behind me, stalking me. He was trying to follow me as quietly as he could, but the echo of his steps was so loud, I could have heard him from ten blocks away. Not in the mood for games and afraid I might do something I'd regret later if I allowed him to attack me, I slid into an alley; a ten feet high brick wall cut off its end. I glanced behind me out of reflex, then bent my knees and launched myself up the windowless wall of the building to my right. I landed on the roof, almost knee-deep in snow. I turned to look down. Not even half a second had passed. My pursuer rounded the corner almost half a minute later, his hand curled around the knife in his sleeve, his body and mind tense. It took him almost thirty seconds to realise I was gone, and his thoughts tumbled in surprise. He took a hesitant step forward to look for me, even glanced up, but the building was too high, the night too dark. He didn't see me, and eventually he wandered off in search of another prey.

I didn't go after him. I would have, once. I had convinced myself that by ridding the world of scum like thieves and rapists I was doing it a favour, that killing them and drinking their blood couldn't be wrong, that I was keeping them from harming innocent people.

I had been wrong. It had taken me half a decade to realise that I had no right to play God, and until I had I'd walked a dangerous line, had at times been closer to the darkness than the light, and it was that darkness that I saw now again, that I'd first glimpsed again the night I left Bella, a darkness that was threatening to crush me. And it was so hard, so very hard to fight it. Bella didn't want me anymore.

And it was all my fault.

I sank to the ground, the snow warm against me body. What if Bella didn't take me back? My life had no sense without here in it. Before, things had been different. I'd never wanted to outlive her, but I'd wanted to be alive as long as she was. Now, she was immortal—my plans had become obsolete. And if she didn't want me, then what would I do? Alice had promised me that everything would be alright.

But I knew she was wrong.

Bella would never take me back. I knew she wouldn't. If I told her the truth, told her that I'd lied, she'd hate me. I couldn't even blame her. If I were her, I'd hate me too.

"You worry too much."

"Maybe," I whispered, not turning around as Jasper closed the distance between us and sat down beside me. A wave of tranquility swept over me, smoothing over the jagged edges of darkness clawing at my mind. I could have given in, could have let him take the pain away, but it held onto it, held onto the pain until Jasper hissed in frustration and eased off. "You're so damn stubborn," he said. "Don't know why Alice thought I might be able to help you."

"Alice sent you?"

"Yes, she did. You're future's wavering again."

It would be. Nothing was certain anymore, I didn't know what to do, didn't know how to deal with the situation. But I wished Alice wouldn't see it, wouldn't keep meddling. I loved her, but she didn't know when to stay out of things. She hadn't sent Jasper to talk to me. She'd sent him so he would ride herd on me until my future was rock solid again. I ground my teeth together.

"She's worrying," Jasper said, sensing my anger. "And, honestly, I think she's right to worry about you. You know I have been."

"I know," I said quietly. "And I'm sorry for that."

Jasper shrugged. "You don't have to. If there's something I learned, then it's that you're not responsible for your emotions."

"Well," I said bitterly, "I think in this case I am. If I hadn't left her, neither of us would have had to go through all this… all this…"

"Pain?" Jasper supplied.

It wasn't the word I'd have used because it wasn't strong enough to describe what I'd gone through, what I'd put my family through, what I'd put Bella through, but I still nodded. "Yes. If I hadn't left, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have hurt any of you. And Bella would still be human."

Jasper was silent for a very long time, deliberating what to say next. I tried not to listen and got up, walking slowly over to the edge of the roof. The street down below was empty but for a group of women milling about. Prostitutes by the looks of it; this wasn't a very good part of town. They were complaining about the weather, which was bad for their business since people tended to stay at home when the streets were either frozen over or, as far as the heavily travelled main roads, slick with mud.

"I think you're wrong," Jasper said eventually, and I turned. His thoughts were chaotic, difficult to follow; he didn't want me to see what he was going to say. "Do you remember that vision Alice had when you first told us about Bella?"

"Yes, of course," I said reluctantly, suddenly feeling uneasy. I didn't like where this was heading. I would have done anything to stop that vision from coming true, and by leaving Bella I'd thought I had. I knew now that the decision to change her had not been mine to make, but I couldn't help thinking that if I'd stayed, if I hadn't abandoned her, then maybe she'd still be human. She'd still have a real life, would still be able to do what she loved.

"It never changed," Jasper said very softly. "Even after Bella's future disappeared that vision remained. I know the future isn't set in stone, but as far as Bella becoming one of us is concerned, apparently it was. Your decision to leave didn't change that, and if you'd bothered to come home you'd have known that."

I looked at Jasper, trying to understand what he was telling me. My mind wasn't willing to comply. "I didn't know that," I whispered eventually, "but it doesn't change anything, does it?"

Jasper growled in frustration. "Are you listening to me at all? I'm trying to tell you that you can stop blaming yourself for something that's never been your fault. You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can't. And it's not good for you to keep trying. That depression's eating your sanity away." Jasper laughed, the sound ominous and eerie in the darkness. The group women down below quickly dispersed, startled. "It's not as bad as it could be. Yet. But it's not going to stop unless you make peace with yourself."

"And how do you suggest I do that?" I asked, my voice bitter and cutting.

"Talk to her," Jasper said, ignoring my hostility. "Tell her you lied. What else can you do? It'll be better for the both of us. Alice says Bella's just unhappy as you."

"And how would Alice know?" I said. Alice must have seen that outburst of Bella's at the party, but how could she possibly know what Bella was feeling?

"Because she left for Bella's the second she saw her leave the hospital to go home," Jasper replied. "Bella's never been that good an actress. Alice knows."

"Alice is with Bella?" I asked, momentarily distracted.

Jasper sighed, annoyed at my apparent inability to stay on topic. "Yes. When Alice called me, she was on her way to Walmart to buy paint." He smiled as he often did when talking about Alice. "I believe Alice talked Bella into painting her study." He shook his head in affectionate exasperation before he focused on me again. "Talk to her, Edward. Tell her the truth. You have to. You must."

"She'll hate me," I whispered.

"Maybe. But she'll get over it eventually. And what do you have to lose?"

I didn't answer. I was refusing to believe that Jasper had a point.

"You're as stubborn as a mule," Jasper said again. "You will tell her. If you were her, wouldn't you want to know? Wouldn't you want all the facts? Right now Bella believes that you don't love her, that you never have loved her. Just imagine how she must be feeling. Yes, maybe she'll hate you, but she doesn't deserve to feel that way, feel unloved."

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out Jasper's voice.

"You're not the centre of the universe, Edward," he said, unrelenting. "If you really love her, then you'll tell her. Stop wallowing in self-pity for just a second and tell her the truth."

And I knew, even though I didn't want to, even though I fought to believe him, that Jasper was right.

—

"We're going on a road trip," Jasper informed me as we were striding through the forest, having finally left the city behind us. Jasper was a few yards behind me, being slower than me, and the wind was carrying his words into the wrong direction, but there was no way for me to pretend I hadn't heard them.

"Road trip?" I asked, though this time he'd all but spelled it out for me in his mind. Esme had ordered high-quality inlays from a carpenter in Portland, Oregon, for her client, promising they'd arrive within two days. Unfortunately and completely unforeseeable—at least as far as Washington was concerned; it was only September after all—the weather had changed, and parts of Washington State were buried underneath a foot and a half of snow. Four days had passed since Esme ordered those inlays, and her client was beginning to get impatient. He didn't care about the weather and he didn't care that his mansion wouldn't be inhabitable for at least another month; he wanted those inlays, and he wanted them now, and Esme hadn't been able to talk him out of it. "She wants us to pick up those inlays?" I asked, frowning. I wasn't in the mood for a road trip. I wanted to be alone. I needed to think. But I knew that Alice and Jasper wouldn't leave me alone, not matter if I went to Portland or not. Jasper had finally confessed that Alice had told him about my decision to go to Italy once Bella was dead, and that she was afraid my shifting future meant that I'd do something rash. Part of my was touched that she cared, but the other was mad that she dared to interfere. She was meaning well, but knowing the future didn't mean being automatically right in everything.

"Yes," Jasper said. "And Alice said it might be a good idea for you to get away for a while."

"Did she now?" I asked, annoyed. Why did suddenly everyone believe to know what was best for me?

"Until Carlisle and Esme have calmed down," Jasper added.

I stopped so suddenly snow went flying everywhere. Jasper blew past me, noticed that I wasn't running anymore and turned to walk back to me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning.

"Are they very mad?" I whispered.

Jasper paused, running his hand through his hair. "Well…" He was remembering their arrival at home, remembering the disappointment he'd felt as Esme told him what had happened. "I would't say mad," he said eventually.

"I didn't want that," I said, my voice raw. "I didn't want any of this." We weren't that far away from home, just another two miles, but I couldn't bring my feet to move. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to face them. I was a coward.

"They know that," Jasper said. "But you shouldn't have lied to us and you shouldn't have lied to Bella, either. That's why they're angry. They feel like you don't trust them. And Esme's pissed that you'd hurt Bella like that."

"I never meant to hurt her. And I do trust you. It's just…" Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to find the right words. It wasn't easy. "Leaving Bella tore this family apart," I said eventually. "You left because I asked you to, because I believed that leaving was the right thing. And now it seems that leaving didn't change a thing. I put you all through so much for nothing."

"And you were afraid we'd judge you?" Jasper asked, incredulous. "You should know us better than that."

I shook my head to let him know I wasn't finished. "Part of me was afraid you would. But part of me also knew that you'd be so happy to have her back. That you'd be happy that I failed in trying to protect Bella, trying to save her from becoming one of us."

"Jesus Christ, Edward," Jasper said.

"I know it's all my fault," I said, pretending not to hear his thoughts, refusing to believe that he was right, that, being the pessimist that I was, I was blowing things out of proportion, "but that doesn't make things any easier."

"If therapy actually worked for vampires, your therapist would get rich," Jasper replied drily. "You know what your problem is? You're trying to control everything. You trying to be responsible for everyone and everything. But you can't. Life doesn't work that way. You have to accept that. And you have to stop trying or it'll destroy you."

"I don't know if I can," I whispered, admitting what I'd never admitted to anyone, not even to myself. I knew Jasper was right, knew that I didn't like not being in control, knew that sometimes I assumed responsibility for things I had no influence over. But that's who I was, who I'd always been. I didn't know how to be different, didn't know if I could be different. Vampires didn't change. We were, in a way, like stone, set in our ways. Falling in love with Bella had already changed me, but I didn't know if it was enough.

"Then just try," Jasper said gently. He patted my shoulder, and I felt his sympathy; he was letting me feel it, letting me know I wasn't alone. I drew a deep breath; the winter air smelled fresh, clean. "You have nothing to lose."

"I suppose not."

Jasper smiled and inclined his head towards our home. "Let's go. It's a sixteen-hour drive down to Portland. At least," he grinned, "the way we drive."

I smiled weakly.

"Race you," Jasper said and tore away, hoping to get a head start.

My smile turned into a grin as I raced after him, gracefully evading trees that materialised in my path. Jasper was our family's best fighter, but I was faster, and I managed to beat him. I beat him only by the fracture of a nanosecond, but I beat him. And by the time we got home, the darkness had retreated, was no longer trying to gain access to my mind. It hadn't given up. I knew that; it had been my companion for too long. But it was no longer trying to suffocate me. And by the grin on Jasper's face as he leapt up the front steps and into the house, that was exactly what he'd hoped to achieve.

—

We left around four in the morning. Alice was still at Bella's and she didn't call to say goodbye, so I assumed she'd already done so, to Jasper at least, when she called him to go find me. Esme hadn't looked at me when she asked me to pick up those inlays, too angry and too disappointed, but Carlisle had smiled as he said goodbye, and I knew he had already forgiven me. I didn't deserve it, but I was grateful nonetheless. Settled into the car with a stack of CDs I hadn't yet found time to listen to and a pile of magazines Jasper had grabbed—sixteen hours could be very long, even for a vampire—I backed Emmet's jeep out of the driveway, snow and gravel crunching underneath its massive tyres. It was the car best suited for the kind of weather condition we'd encounter in Washington, and I knew Emmett wouldn't mind.

Jasper was silent as I raced through the night, headlights turned off so we wouldn't attract attention; he was reading or at least pretending, and I was trying to ignore his warbled thoughts as much as possible. "Carlisle's no longer mad at you?" he asked eventually. By then we'd left Anchorage behind us. Morning traffic was clogging up the streets, and we were stuck behind a little Ford whose driver was just as annoyed about the traffic jam like everyone else around me. I inched the jeep forward as the Ford finally moved on.

"No, he's not," I said. "I don't deserve his kindness."

"He seems to think you do," Jasper replied.

Another inch. The Ford stopped again, honking at the car in front of it. I hated being stuck in traffic. Assaulted by so many aggressive, impatient thoughts, I was feeling edgy. Jasper glanced at me, then sighed and sent a surge of calm not only over me but over everyone in the direct vicinity. "Carlisle seems to think you do," he repeated, picking up where we'd left off.

I shrugged. "Carlisle's a saint."

"That doesn't mean he's wrong."

"You're saying that I should stop punishing myself for lying to them since he'd forgiven me."

"Yes, that's what I'm saying," he replied. "You're not doing yourself a favour, you know."

I didn't answer.

"You know I'm right," Jasper said.

"I know." I sighed. "I can't turn it off, Jasper. I wish I could."

"Try," he said. "And that's enough therapy for today. Let's talk about something else."

We spent the rest of the drive talking about music, sports, economy and politics and by the time we boarded the ferry to Port Angeles in Victoria, British Columbia, I was in a better state of mind than I'd been in for days. Jasper called Alice as we made our way up into the lobby to hear how she'd spent her day. Apparently she was still at Bella's; I heard her yelling at Alice in the background, but Jasper was lagging behind, too far away for me to catch what she was saying. Still, hearing her voice sent a wave of guilt through every cell on my body. I clenched my fists.

"Alice, I have to go," Jasper said, his voice tinged with worry. "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." He inclined his head, indicating that we'd better step outside. It was barely past nine in the evening, and the main lobby was crowded because the sea was rough tonight and it was raining cats and dogs. As we stepped through the doors into the cold, two men in yellow raincoats who'd escaped outside to smoke turned their heads, curious to see how else dared to brave the weather. Neither Jasper nor I wore raincoats, so stepping outside hadn't been that good an idea after all; we stood out, something we were trying to avoid at all costs. Jasper went over to ask for two cigarettes, so that we could at least pretend to have a reason to stand outside in the rain.

"Disgusting," he muttered, tossing them overboard when they weren't looking. It disappeared in the black water, sucked under by a rolling wave. "You okay?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "I think you're right. I have to tell her the truth." I didn't think I'd feel any less guilty afterwards, probably even more so. But Jasper was right. What else was there for me to do?

—

Our trip to Portland was uneventful aside from the snow masses we had to plough through, but even that wasn't as bad as it could have been, and the streets were clear. I turned off the headlights again and floored it, anxious now to get home and talk to Bella. Having picked up Esme's inlays shortly after midnight and gone hunting—Jasper wasn't sure if he was able to make it through the passage otherwise—we left Portland around seven in the morning, the sky a dull grey. Again I drove as fast as Emmett's Jeep was capable off, hoping to catch the ferry at nine. Unfortunately, I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn't notice the radar trap until it was already too late. White and blue lights flashed up behind us.

Jasper noticed them too and craned his neck to see who was driving; this close to Forks it was always possible it was someone we knew, and while we'd been gone for over nine years we hadn't changed. People were bound to notice. And if it was Bella's father… He was one of the few single humans on this planet I never ever wanted to run into. "Nobody I recognise," Jasper said eventually, turning back around to search the glove to department for the necessary documents.

"Well, that's something at least." I slowed down, pulling up on the side of the road. The police cruiser parked behind us, ploughing through the snow the snow and ice control had piled up; its diver would have difficulty getting it out later. I rolled down the window. Ice cold air blew through the interior of the car. The door of the police cruiser was pushed open. A slender figure climbed out. Carefully placing her feet, she walked over. "Hello, sir," she said, smiling brightly, "you were going almost a hundred and fifty in a ninety mile zone." Her gaze wandered over to Jasper, then back to me. We weren't what she's expected when she pulled us over, and she was pleasantly surprised, enough that she was briefly considering letting it go. Then she remembered that her partner, who wasn't in the best of moods this morning anyway, was with her and would have her ass if she did. Her lips tightened for a second as she recalled his unfriendly greeting this morning, but her smile never wavered.

"Was I?" I asked, feigning surprise. Jasper raised his hand to his face to cover his smile; we wouldn't get out of paying the fine, which didn't really matter anyway, but it was a sort of game for us to try. And if the deputy had been alone and her ill-tempered partner wasn't watching from the cruiser, she would have at least lessened it.

"I'm afraid so," she replied, her smile turning apologetic. "It's not very advisable in this kind of weather." She jerked her chin at the snow piled up alongside the street, then at the grey sky; it would begin to snow again soon. I could smell it. "Even in a car like yours."

Allowing an embarrassed smile to tug the corner of my mouth upwards, I sighed. "I know, I know. You're right, of course. I don't know what I was thinking." I handed her the car documents Jasper had retrieved from the glove department, then dug out my wallet for my licence.

She scrutinised both briefly but thoroughly before handing them back for me. "Alright, Mr Cullen, would you like to pay cash or via credit card?"

The passenger door of the police cruiser was opened to hard it almost popped out of its hinges. A giant of a man stepped out with more grace than you'd expect from someone that size, but it wasn't the way he moved that rang the alarm bells; it was the smell that suddenly filled the interior of the car, decidedly disgusting. Like wet dog. I recognised it the second Jasper did, though he only recalled the wooden figurines on Bella's dresser. Carlisle had never explained to him what he thought had set me off that night. "Werewolf," I mouthed so quietly the approaching mutt wouldn't hear; his senses had to be as keen as our own.

Jasper stiffened. We'd told him and Alice about the treaty, of course, before we moved to Forks all those years ago; we'd had to. They'd never trusted us, and we'd never trusted them, and neither did Jasper though he'd never met any of them. He regarded them as a threat. I did, too, but I had even more reason to distrust the man striding towards us because it was Jacob Black. Of all the deputies to come across we had to run into the one who hated me with a vengeance, and hate me he did. Hearing my name had set off a string of memories, mostly of Bella; that's how I knew who he was. Bella sitting in his garage, pale and fragile. Bella sitting in her living-room, doing her homework while chatting to Jacob Black. And then, last week, Bella existing her father's house, strong and pale and beautiful if looking a little exhausted. The image was off, somehow; he was lower to the ground than he should have been, and I realised he'd been in wolf form that night.

All but pushing his fellow deputy aside, he glared into the car. Jasper met his eyes, not knowing who he was. I looked away. I'd seen Bella in Alice's memory, had seen how much she hurt, and knew without any doubt that I deserved Jacob Black's fury even more than Carlisle and Esme's because he'd picked up the pieces I had left behind, because he'd seen the pain I'd caused.

"What's wrong with you?" his partner demanded, furious.

Jacob Black ignored her, his fury so bright Jasper almost flinched back.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed sub-vocally, so his partner wouldn't hear. He didn't really care what she thought about him, but Sam would tear him a new one if he learned he'd lost control like that. Was Sam the alpha of the La Push pack? I gathered that Jacob Black and Sam didn't have the best of relationships. The weekend hadn't been very pleasant for him. Was that because of Bella's visit?

"Just passing through," I replied, pretending not to know what he was talking about.

"Jake, can I talk to you for a second?" his partner said between clenched teeth. Grabbing his arm, she tried to yank him away so she could talk to him in private. Jacob didn't budge. The deputy looked at us, then at her partner, and decided that she didn't care if we witnessed what she was about to say. "Look, I know you had a shitty weekend," she said into his ear, which was quite an accomplishment because he loomed at least a foot over her and she couldn't be any taller than Bella, "but I don't give a shit. Pull yourself together or I swear I'll march right into the Chief's office when we get back and tell him what an ass you've been this morning."

He glared down at her. "You wouldn't dare," he growled.

"Oh, yes I would. Get back in the car." Jerking her thumb over her shoulder, she narrowed her eyes at him. She was dead serious. She would tell Chief Swan if he didn't get back into the cruiser right this second; she'd had it up to here with Jacob Black's increasing mood swings.

Jacob ground his teeth as he glared first at Jasper and then at me. _Stay away from Bella_, he said, the thought carrying so much menace I winced. Abruptly, he turned to stomp away. The car door was slammed shut so hard the windows rattled.

"I'm sorry about that," the female deputy said, clearly embarrassed.

"It's alright," I managed, "we all have a bad day now and then."

Having paid the fine and watched the cruiser turn around and return to its vantage point, I started the car, being careful not to exceed the speed-limit again until we were well on our way to port Angeles and away from Jacob Black.

We didn't speak as we made our way through the town and down to the pier. Only when I'd inched the jeep onboard the ferry and we'd gotten out and were on our way up to the lobby, did Jasper say, "I've never met a werewolf before but I don't care to repeat the experience."

"Neither do I," I replied. The weather was better this morning, the rain had eased off and the sea was relatively calm, so we went outside again to be away from prying eyes. "That wasn't just any werewolf, Jasper, that was Jacob Black."

Jasper frowned. "And?"

I sighed. "He's Bella's friend. And he hates me for hurting her the way I did, probably more than I hate myself. If the other deputy hadn't been there, it would have gotten ugly."

"Jesus," Jasper said, shaking his head.

"Yes," I agreed. "Alice could have told us that we'd run into him."

Jasper didn't answer; he didn't take well to someone criticising his wife.

We didn't talk much during the rest of the trip. I drove as fast as I dared again, this time paying attention to radar traps. The call came when we were still ten hours away from home. Jasper's cell phone chimed. "Alice," he said, smiling as he raised it to his ear.

"Hi," he said, then his expression turned instantly serious. "Alright," he said, his voice tense, "we'll ditch the car and run the rest of the way." He hung up and shoved it back in his pocket. "Alice says," he began, but I shook my head to cut him off. I'd heard and was already searching for a secluded place to hide the car. They knew who the murderer was. Bella had told them.

It was Victoria.


	14. Disclosure

A/N: And here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! The next chapter's already done, too, so you'll only have to wait a week tops. I promise! Thanks for all the kind and motivating reviews I got, and thanks to those who added me or any of my stories to their Favorite Stories/Authors list after reading "Lifelines". Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing certain elements.

BELLA

As I drove to work I was feeling happier than I'd felt in years, than I'd felt even when I was still human. Alice was back. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed her until she was back, and now I didn't want to ever let her leave again, even if that meant allowing her to force me into a pile of designer clothes. I smiled at the thought and slightly shook my head. Alice would be Alice. She'd never change, but then I loved her the way she was. She'd be waiting for me when I got home from work, and I was looking forward to her company. I sighed a little, because I knew I'd have to tell her about Victoria tonight and I didn't want that. I didn't want Victoria to destroy that blissful happiness; she'd already destroyed so much. But I didn't have a choice. She had to be stopped, and alone I didn't stand a change.

I parked the car in the underground garage where Danielle was waiting for me again. As I inched the car into my assigned parking spot, she opened the door of her little VW and stepped out; her eyes curious. "Hi," she said as I climbed out of the Porsche and retrieved my bag from the backseat.

"Hi," I replied, smiling brightly. Danielle's eyes popped open; she rarely saw a genuine smile on my face. "I'm sorry I just disappeared. Lambert was getting on my nerves," I lied, rolling my eyes for emphasis, "so I decided that I wasn't feeling well."

Danielle smiled. "I thought as much. He's an ass."

We walked up the stairs together. I opened the heavy door for her, and she bobbed her head in thanks, blond hair swirling loosely around her head. Closer up, the makeup didn't do a very good job at covering the dark circles underneath her eyes, and I gathered she had slept about as much as I had. Not at all.

"You know what's kind of weird?" Danielle asked, padding down the hallway beside me. "That guy? You know the one with that tousled red hair?"

"What's with him?" I asked. Why on earth did Danielle have to ask about Edward?

"I think I met him at the store where I, um, bought your dress."

"Did you?" Had he tagged along when Alice all but ambushed Danielle, so she could buy all those clothes for me? I found it hard to believe that he would. _You guys should talk_, Alice had said, but I knew talking wouldn't accomplish anything. Edward didn't love me anymore. Talking to him wouldn't change that. It would only make it harder for me to get over him.

"Yeah." She frowned. "I didn't know he'd be at the gala. He was very handsome, wasn't he."

I decided not to answer. I unlocked the door to my office and went inside, dropping my bag beside the desk. Danielle hovered in the doorway, frowning as if she wanted to say something, but then shrugged and left. Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked down to her own office, and I sighed in relief.

She returned ten minutes later, hair up in a tight bun, frowning down at her BlackBerry. I was typing up the report of Antonia Swann's autopsy when she entered, so I wasn't in the best state of mind to begin with, but luckily Danielle only had good news for me. Well, the deceased were never good news, not for their relatives, but none of them appeared to have been killed by Victoria, which was a relief. In fact, only two bodies were on our agenda today, and by two in the afternoon we were finished, so I gave Danielle and myself the rest of the day off. Danielle was surprised, because she thought I was a workaholic—and she was right, but fact was that up until now I hadn't had anything to distract me from the pain in my chest but work—but glad that I seemed to have realised that life was more than just work.

It was snowing again, and I decided to walk downtown instead of driving. I didn't mind the snow; in fact, skipping along underneath the grey sky I felt like a child, happy and free. I never wanted this feeling to end.

Arriving home shortly after four, two hours before I usually got there, I found Alice sitting on the front steps, seven bulging plastic bags beside her. "I didn't have a key," she explained, deliberately misunderstanding the disbelieving look on my face, "and you didn't leave a window open."

Shaking my head, I sighed. "I didn't realise you bought to much." I retrieved the key to let us in, then grabbed two plastic bags and carried them inside while Alice followed with the rest. I'd been looking forward to her company, but I had _not_ been looking forward to the upcoming fashion parade. I glanced into my study on the way to my bedroom. Mrs Morris had been happy to supervise as the delivery crew set up the furniture—she'd been dying to get a look inside my house ever since I moved here—and the white shelves looked good against the yellow walls. Alice had done a good job; I had to give her that.

"Now," Alice said as she emptied the first bag onto my bed, "I already sorted them. Here. Try this on first." She handed me a pair of artfully faded blue jeans, a white loose shirt with embroidery on the hem and a brown leather belt. Grumbling, I slipped out of my slacks and the blouse I'd donned this morning, also one that Alice had bought, and into the clothes she held out to me. They fit, and as I revolved slowly around myself in front of the mirror mounted onto the inside of my closet, I had to admit that they looked good on me too. Alice did have taste.

"Smile," Alice ordered, whipping out a tiny silver digital camera. "I promised Esme I'd take pictures."

I sighed.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Humour me, Bella."

I sighed again and plastered a big smile over my face. I smiled a lot that evening, and as the night progressed my smile became more and more strained. Alice pretended not to notice, and posing for her was more fun that I had believed possible, but after I'd put on the twenty-ninth outfit in a row I was beginning to regret that I'd given her card blanche the previous evening. To distract her, which didn't work out very well, I asked her about what her family—my family, too, now—had done in the past nine years. After they left Forks, they had moved to Ithaca. Carlisle had taught part time at Cornell and Jasper had tried his hand at philosophy which he'd found quite entertaining, while Alice had gone to Mississippi to make use of the information I'd accidentally retrieved when James had been after me.

"I had a sister," Alice told me as she zipped up the blue cocktail dress she'd forced me into. "Her name was Cynthia. Her daughter is still alive in Biloxi, and I thought about going there but I didn't. I don't remember any of them. It wouldn't have meant anything." After Ithaca they'd moved on to Richmond, Virginia, where they had all attended high school again. Edward hadn't been with them; at least, Alice never mentioned him, and I didn't ask how he'd spent his time. I had a pretty good idea, though. Going after one of his distraction, I assumed, just as he'd told me.

I tried not to feel bitter, but it wasn't easy. Alice picked up on my mood and began talking about Emmett and Rosalie, who were currently on vacation in Europe. They hadn't wanted to attend high school again, so they'd gone off to spend some time alone, but they'd return in a week. I wasn't looking forward to that encounter. I'd always liked Emmett, but Rosalie and I had never seen eye to eye, and I didn't believe even for a nanosecond that we would now that I was a vampire as well. Alice seemed to sense my apprehension. "Don't worry about Rosalie," she said, waving her hand dismissively as I opened my mouth to object. "She'll get used to it. You're our sister now. She'll have to accept that."

"I'm not so sure she will," I replied. I grimaced at my reflection in the mirror who didn't look like me at all in the evening gown I was wearing. Why I would need an evening gown was beyond me. I didn't plan on attending another gala anytime soon.

Alice shrugged. "I'm sure. Trust me. It might take a while, but she'll come around eventually."

"If you say so," I sighed.

Alice grinned. "I say so."

—

When morning broke and Alice left for school, I still hadn't told her about Victoria. "You're an idiot," I said to myself as I stepped into the shower and turned on the water. It was scalding hot. I didn't care. "I have to tell her," I said to my faint reflection in the glass. "Tonight when I get home from work I'll tell her."

I didn't make it until tonight.

When I got to work Danielle was waiting for me in front of my office. Her eyes were bloodshot, her fingers which were clutching her BlackBerry were trembling. I knew at once that Victoria must have killed another child, and Danielle's next words confirmed it. "Another kid came in," she whispered in a rough voice; she'd been crying. "Isobel Martinez. You have to see the connection, Doctor Swan."

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence," I replied, surprised at how calm my voice sounded. I couldn't afford to panic now; Danielle would notice, and if she did, she'd call the police, and that would do more harm than good. There wasn't anything the police could do. They'd only get in the way, draw attention to me. "Where was she found?"

"In the street in front of her bedroom window. She fell down at least fifteen feet." Danielle stared at me, willing me to believe that she was right, that somebody was after me, that those dead women and children were a message. And she was right. But I couldn't tell her. What _would_ I tell her? If I did, she'd think I was crazy. She'd go to the police, and if they got involved hunting down Victoria would become much more difficult.

Besides, I really didn't want to take a trip up to the psych ward.

"Maybe she was sleep-walking," I suggested.

Danielle didn't answer. I didn't need to read her mind to know what she was thinking.

"Let's take a look at her," I said. "And then we'll decide what to do next."

What I did next after I managed to convince Danielle that it had been accident since there was nothing on the girl's body that suggested foul play—of course there wouldn't; vampires didn't shed hair or skin cells, and they didn't leave fingerprints either—was go upstairs to the reception to track down Carlisle. The receptionist glanced at me from across the rim of her glasses as I approached; I'd only come up here once or twice since I started working at the Alaska Regional. "Good morning, Dr Swan," she said, smiling. Of course, she'd know who I was. People didn't forget me; I stood out. "How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Dr Cullen," I said. "Is he up in his office?"

"Um." She frowned down at her computer. "No, he's in the ER, actually."

"Thanks." I turned and strode down the hallway, not pausing to meet the surprised looks of the staff as I passed them. I pushed open the doors without thinking, then reeled back in shock.

Blood. A lot of blood, its sweet rich scent assaulting me, calling out to me. I gasped, covering my mouth and nose with my right hand while I grabbed the edge of the door with my left, just to have something to hold on to. I knew it wouldn't do much good in the end. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Why had I waltzed into the ER like that? If only I'd paused to think for a second… I was holding my breath, but the delicious and oh so tempting scent lingered in my system, sending flames down my suddenly parched throat. I tried to step back, walk out again into the hallway where there was only the stench of disinfectant and disease. My muscles wouldn't obey, remained frozen in place. Hearing me gasp, Carlisle, who was tending to the bleeding man, spun around. His eyes widened. He turned to speak to the nurse at his side, but red haze was clouding my senses and I couldn't make out the words. He began to move towards me, painfully slow. I was beginning to count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five seconds had passed and he was still so very far away. I felt the door crack and splinter underneath my fingers. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. I'd held on for ten seconds already. Almost an eternity. I tried to think of Jake, who'd be so very disappointed if I slipped. Elven. Twelve. Thirteen. Then Carlisle was finally there, his hand closing around my arm like an iron clamp. "Let's get you outside," he said sub-vocally, then, loud enough for everyone else to hear, "Are you alright, Dr Swan?" Even now, even when I was falling apart at the seams I had to pretend, had to put up an act.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I managed, letting go of the door, trusting that Carlisle would stop me if I tried to attack the injured man. Carlisle hauled me out of the ER. His grip was almost painful, but that was okay, was safer. We made our way through the entrance hall, Carlisle telling everyone who cared to ask that I wasn't feeling well, and then we were finally outside. Gulping down cold air, I sank to the wet ground. Carlisle's hand rested on my shoulder, prepared to hold me back should I try to return inside.

"Thank you," I said between deep breaths. My voice was shaking. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"We all make mistakes," Carlisle replied kindly. There was no judgement in his voice. Carlisle was the only member of his family who'd never killed a human being, but still he'd never judge anyone who accidentally did. But that didn't mean that _I_ would forget what had almost happened today, would stop judging me for my actions.

"Still, it shouldn't have happened," I said. "That was a stupid stunt to pull. I should have paged you and not just waltzed into the ER like that. Jesus, it's an ER. People are bound to be bleeding if they're in there. If you hadn't been there, I'd have killed him."

"You don't know that." Carlisle's voice was gentle. "Maybe you'd have resisted after all. For someone so young your self control is remarkable. Don't blame yourself for what almost happened, Bella. It's who we are. We can pretend to be human and act civilised, but at the end of the day we're still predators."

"You're not," I pointed out. "You never killed anyone. Well, anyone human at least."

"Thanks for the qualifier," Carlisle said drily, but shook his head as I opened my mouth to apologise. "No, you're right. I've never killed a human being. But that doesn't mean I've never been tempted. Those first few years were hard even for me. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. There were times I came close, but I had the strength to walk away, just as I believe you would have had the strength to walk away, had I not been there."

"I'm not so sure about that," I said quietly.

Carlisle surprised me by laughing. I glanced up at him, eyebrows raised. "I'm sorry," he said, still grinning which made him look at least ten years younger, "I didn't mean to laugh. But I just realised how much alike you and Edward are. I was angry at him for not telling us about him, but I forgave him. He told me why he did it and I understand. But I know he won't forgive himself for a very long time." For a moment I got the impression that Carlisle wanted to add something, but then he simply smiled. "You didn't kill that man. Forgive yourself. Be proud that you were able to resist."

Were Edward and I really so much alike? I knew that Edward took the blame for everything he believed to be his fault, sometimes even when things had never been in his control. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, _wanted_ to carry it, because it made him feel in charge. He'd blamed himself when James almost killed me, had blamed himself for bringing me to the game, for letting me out of his sight and later for my broken bones and the scar on my wrist. He'd never forgiven himself for that, though I'd told him over and over again that it hadn't been his fault, that, in the end, he'd been there in time to save me. I'd asked him over and over again why he couldn't forgive himself when I had already forgiven him. He'd tried to explain, but I hadn't understood. Maybe I hadn't wanted to understand.

"You have a point," I admitted eventually, despite the fact that I didn't like it. I didn't want to have anything in common with Edward when we were so far apart, but I couldn't dispute Carlisle's reasoning. Like Edward I blamed myself for something that had almost happened, that had been outside of my control. The only thing to blame myself for was storming into the ER like that when I could just as easily have paged Carlisle. But I shouldn't blame myself for being what I was.

And Carlisle was right. We were predators.

Carlisle smiled. I straightened, brushing muddy snow off my legs. "Thanks," I said again.

"You're very welcome. Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

I couldn't believe I'd forgotten that little girl's body downstairs in the morgue, but I had. I swallowed and took another deep breath to steel me for the following conversation. I knew Carlisle would be disappointed when he learned that I'd withheld important information. Maybe he'd understand why I had, but that wouldn't change the fact that it had been wrong. I should have told Alice two nights ago. If I had, then maybe Isobel Martinez wouldn't be dead.

"I know I should have told you earlier," I said uneasily, "but I couldn't. I'm sorry. It was wrong and if I had… Well, then maybe what happened wouldn't have happened."

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Carlisle suggested. His expression was serious again, professional. He led me around the corner where people wouldn't see us immediately; neither of us was wearing a coat, and it was far too cold to be standing outside in lab coats.

I wrapped my arms around myself, looking at the muddy ground as I said, "I know who killed those women."

"You do?" Carlisle said sharply.

"Yes." The rest came out in a rush. I wanted to get it over with. "I performed the autopsy on the latest victim, and I read the other autopsy reports as well. There were pictures attached. I wanted to see for myself. You read the article, so you know it briefly describes those girls?"

"Yes," Carlisle replied, frowning. "They all had pale skin, brown eyes and," his eyes widened, then narrowed as he realised who those girls resembled, "brown hair."

"Yes. You haven't actually seen them, but if you had you'd know the resemblance is eerie. Even my assistant noticed they looked like me. All of them. And there's more. Monday morning a little girl came in who'd allegedly drowned in her parents's pond. Her name was Antonia Swann. Today, another girl came in, Isobel Martinez, who was found on the sidewalk in front of her parents' apartment building. She fell out of her bedroom window, but according to her parents the window was locked. They have no idea how she managed to open it."

Carlisle didn't say anything. He simply stared at me, horrified, waiting for me to continue.

"The girls and the children were murdered to send me a message. I guess I was supposed to figure that out a lot sooner than I did, but I never even saw the first three victims."

"Who?" Carlisle asked eventually, his voice tight with restrained anger. It wasn't directed at me, but I still squirmed uncomfortably in his piercing gaze.

"Victoria," I whispered. "I recognised her scent."

"How?" he asked. "Why would Victoria be after you?"

"Because she's been trying to kill me for over nine years, Carlisle," I said bitterly. "Who do you think changed me? She didn't mean to. I know that. And now that I'm less easily to kill, she's trying to get me to come to her."

"I don't understand," Carlisle whispered. "Victoria has no reason to kill you."

"She was James's mate," I explained quietly. "And she wants me dead because Edward killed him. An eye for an eye, a mate for a… mate. It's him she's after, not me. She thinks that by killing me she'll destroy him. She doesn't know things aren't the same between us anymore, but I don't think she'd stop even if she knew. And I can't let her kill any more innocent people. I just can't. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It might have saved Isobel Martinez's life if I had."

Carlisle was silent for a very long time. Then he reached into the pocket of his lab coat and pulled out his cell phone. "I'm calling Esme," he said, his voice calm. No matter how dire the situation, he'd never panic. "She'll pick you up. I think you should take the rest of the day off."

I didn't protest. He was right. If I went back in there, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't go after that man again.

"You should have told us sooner, but I don't believe that it would have changed anything. We've been combing the city for days now and we haven't found anything. Alice can't see her for some reason, so we wouldn't have been able to stop her."

I wasn't sure I agreed, but I didn't say so out loud, knowing Carlisle would object. This must be how Edward had felt last night when Carlisle had forgiven him. I couldn't forgive myself for that.

"You're not alone in this," Carlisle continued. "We're a family. We protect each other. And if Victoria wants one of us, she has to go through all of us to get her." He smiled at me. "We'll stop her," he said. It was a promise.

—

The light was beginning to fade as we drove down the narrow path leading to the Denalis' house. They lived in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by forest so dense it had no appeal even to hikers, which was, of course, why they had chose this place. I couldn't imagine anyone coming out here. The winding path had been nearly invisible from the main road; Esme had had to point it out to me. A foot and a half of snow covered the trees around us, their branches low to the ground, all but groaning under the wet weight of the snow. The Denali house was in the middle of a little valley, and when we rounded a bend I finally saw the rectangular wooden building; it was hidden underneath a blanket of snow as well, invisible to prying human eyes. A man was swirling around on the roof, moving so fast it looked like he was dancing. I assumed he was removing the snow to prevent the roof from caving in; I'd had to do the same last winter when I first came to Anchorage. Hearing the car, he paused, then raised his hand in greeting.

"That's Eleazar," Esme said, smiling.

I gave a non-committal grunt. Esme smiled slightly, but I pretended not to hear it. We hadn't spoken much since she picked me up at the hospital almost six hours ago. She'd taken me hunting though I'd told her over and over again that I wasn't thirsty, but she hadn't listened, and now I was feeling vaguely sick. Could vampires get sick? I hoped not. Then again, maybe it had nothing at all to do with me glutting myself and everything with Victoria and the little girls she'd killed, the women she'd murdered.

I wasn't looking forward to the upcoming conversation.

Carlisle had told Esme briefly what I'd revealed to him. She'd been shocked, though not as surprised as she could have been. "Alice had her suspicions," she'd said to me in the car. "After what you told her two nights ago she suspected it might have been Victoria who changed you." Alice hadn't mentioned anything to me; maybe because she hadn't been sure, maybe because she'd wanted to wait for me to tell her myself. I should have felt grateful, but instead I was angry. If only she'd asked me about it. I'd have told her. And if I had, Isobel Martinez might still be alive. I'd let a little girl die because I was a selfish bitch. Alice didn't deserve my anger, and I was angry _because_ I was angry at her even though I knew that none of this was her fault.

I was being irrational. It wasn't like me to be furious at people who didn't deserve it, but with all that was going on I assumed it wasn't very surprising that I'd snapped—or was close to snapping, anyway. Maybe that was Victoria's master plan. Drive me insane.

I sighed. "My life's so screwed up," I said.

Esme glanced at me, her forehead creased in worry. "No, it's not. It's just been harder for you those past few years. It'll get better again. We'll take care of Victoria. We won't let her get to you."

I smiled weakly. "It's not me I'm worried about," I said and even though Esme frowned I didn't elaborate. Carlisle hadn't told her about the children yet, and I wished that I wouldn't have to, either. I'd copied the autopsy reports while Esme had been waiting for me in my office, so she hadn't seen them yet.

As Esme parked the car in front of the building, the man she'd introduced to me as Eleazar leapt down from the roof and put the shovel he'd used to remove the snow against the light, wooden wall. Smiling brightly, he opened the car door for me, and I found myself smiling back at him despite myself. "You must be Bella," he said, clasping my hand in his own. "It's so nice to finally meet you. Alice has told us so much about you."

"She has?" I asked, surprised.

A grin spread across his face. He was as beautiful as any vampire I'd ever met, his skin olive underneath his pallor, hinting at South American origins. "She has," he said. "Let's go inside. Carlisle already called to tell us what's going on. He'll be here in a little while, I think," he said to Esme. "Alice called Jasper and Edward. They're on their way back."

Still holding my hand, he pulled me up the wooden stairs and into the house. The house had been built out of light brown wood that had a reddish glow, so the dominating colours inside were white and beige; it was a very appealing contrast. The fading light of the day streamed in through the large windows on either side of the door. In broad daylight, bathed in the golden light of the sun—when it deigned to peek out from behind the clouds it usually hid behind—it would have been even more beautiful.

Eleazar slipped out of his boots and tossed them carelessly into a corner. I smiled. Alice, and probably Esme too, would have a fit if someone did that at their place. Noticing my smile, Eleazar grinned. "My wife Carmen says a vampire with my age and reputation shouldn't throw his things around a room like a child." A mischievous twinkle lit up his eyes. "I like to think it keeps me young."

I laughed. "That sounds like something my mother would say."

"A sensible woman," Eleazar replied. He led me down a narrow hallway and into the living-room which, too, was light and open. Its far wall made out of glass, the room offered a spectacular view over the snow-covered valley. It was beautiful, and if I'd been here under different circumstances I would have walked over to admire it. As it was, I remained in the doorway, my eyes wandering slowly across the room. White armchairs and a sofa, a flatscreen TV, a dining-room table with matching chairs. Pictures, many of them of the aurora borealis, and, in one corner, a wooden figurine whose shape I didn't recognise. A fire was burning brightly in the fireplace, warm and comforting, and a woman sat cross-legged on a very old-looking Persian rug in front of it. She glanced up when we entered. Blond hair fall past her shoulders, as straight as a ruler. Seeing me, her lips curved into a smile. "Bella," she said, "it's so nice to finally meet you." She didn't get up, but the warmth in her voice was real. "I'm Kate. My sisters Tanya," she waved at a strawberry-blonde woman occupying one of the armchairs; she offered me a small smile, but there was a bitter edge to it, "and Irina." Irina simply nodded her head. She didn't seem hostile to me, just distracted. Kate frowned, but didn't say anything. Apparently, she found her sisters' lack of civility shocking. "And over there's Eleazar's wife Carmen. You know, she one who's been telling him not to leave is stuff lying around for almost a hundred years now."

Eleazar sighed theatrically. "That's what I have to put up with," he complained to me. Everyone laughed.

Carmen walked over and nudged him playfully in the ribs before she pulled me into a gentle embrace. Her skin was just as dark as Eleazar's underneath her pallor. "Hello, Bella," she said, her voice warm and kind. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too," I said, taken aback by the warmth with which I'd been greeted. I didn't know anything about them at all, aside from their names, yet it felt as if they knew me. How much had Alice told them about me? My irrational anger, already weakened, evaporated and was replaced by warmth. "You have a very lovely home."

"Sit down," Alice said. She'd claimed the other oversized armchair; it was just large enough—and she tiny enough—to hold us both. I sank down beside her, propping my legs up against my chest, and Alice wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "You wouldn't have hurt him," she whispered so low only I could hear. "You would have walked away."

I stared at her, unsure. "You saw it?" I asked eventually.

Alice nodded. "Every second. You wouldn't have killed him."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew Alice was telling the truth. She'd never lie to me about something like that. "Thanks for telling me." I squeezed her hand, which had settled on my arm.

Alice smiled. Then her eyes wandered off, staring into the distance at something only she could see. "Jasper and Edward will be here in a few minutes," she announced after a second. "They ditched the car somewhere in British Columbia. And Carlisle's just leaving."

"Why did they have to ditch the car?" I asked, though I wished I had't the moment the words left my mouth. Why did I care what Edward was doing? I shouldn't care. It would have been better if I hadn't. Easier. Less painful.

"They went down to Portland to pick up inlays for a house Esme's restoring," Alice explained. "Jasper will retrieve it once we're done here. Carlisle wanted them all here for this, and running was faster. I called Rose and Emmett, too," she said, looking at Esme who'd been talking quietly to Eleazar. "They'll catch a flight early tomorrow and will be back tomorrow night. Rose wasn't happy."

Esme sighed. "I wouldn't be, either, if I were her."

Great. It wasn't very difficult to imagine the mood Rosalie would be in when she stepped off that plane tomorrow. And it wouldn't improve one bit once she laid eyes on me. I made a note not to be at the airport tomorrow night, though the look Alice shot me made me think that she had other plans.

I ignored her.

"Bella," Irina said suddenly, "may I ask you a question?"

I looked up. Irina, whose hair was just as white as her sister Kate's but shorter, had wandered over to the fireplace. She'd clasped her hands loosely behind her back, obviously trying to appear relaxed, but her jaw was set, betraying her tension. "Yes?" I asked slowly.

Irina smiled, a faint, wavering smile. I noticed that neither Tanya nor Kate were looking at her. "It's about Victoria. It's alright if you don't want to talk about it," she added quickly, "but I… I need to know. Was there… Is there another vampire with her? Do you know?"

I frowned. "I don't what you're getting at…" I began, then paused as a memory resurfaced, a memory so old it was faint and blurry and almost gone. The meadow. Laurent in front of me. He'd gone up to Denali to try the Cullens' way of life but he'd found it hard. Sometimes, he'd told me, he'd cheat. "Are you talking about Laurent?" I asked.

"Yes. Do you know if he's with Victoria?"

Irina's eager voice, the hope flashing up ion her eyes rang a warning bell. Had they been close? "No, he's not," I said softly. "I'm afraid he's dead."

Irina closed her eyes. For a very long time she didn't speak. Everyone had fallen silent. What did you say to someone who'd just learned that a person she cared about was dead? "I thought he might be," he whispered. "When he didn't come back…"

Kate opened her mouth to say something, but Alice quickly shook her head, and she snapped it shut again.

"I'm glad you told me, though," Irina continued. "At least, now I know…" Her voice trailed off. She turned, staring into the orange flames. I knew how she was feeling.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

The ensuing silence was uncomfortable. From the looks Kate and Tanya kept exchanging, I gathered that they hadn't approved of their sister's choice. They'd probably seen what Irina hadn't, that Laurent had only pretended to change his diet, and Irina must have sensed her sisters' disapproval.

Living here then couldn't have been easy.

"Jasper and Edward are here," Alice said suddenly, and a collective sigh of relief swept through the room. The front door opened, and Edward and Jasper strode in, both dusted with snow. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat as they entered. Alice squeezed my hand reassuringly, and Jasper shot me a smile. He'd sense my discomfort, of course. I wondered what else he was feeling this close to me.

"It's no nice to see you again, Bella," Jasper said, and to my great surprise he hugged me, too.

I smiled. "I'm glad you think so."

He went to stand behind the armchair, his hands on Alice's shoulders. She smiled up at him, a smile carrying so much love I had to look away. Staring at the floor, I tried to fight the despair that threatened to settle on my mind again. Why did it have to be so hard? I glanced up at Edward, but he had walked over to the window and was looking out into the valley. My presence didn't even bother him; I might as well haven't been here. My hands clenched into fists. _Make it stop_, I thought desperately, willing whoever was out there to listen. _Please make it stop!_

And then it did stop. The despair was lifted away, the heavy weight on my chest suddenly gone. I looked up to find Jasper smiling down at me. "Thank you," I whispered. I knew the despair would return once I was out of Jasper's reach, but I didn't think about that, didn't want to think about that. I'd never felt better, never freer.

"You're very welcome."

—

Carlisle arrived five minutes later. "I asked you all to come," he said, "because Bella has information for us regarding the murders." He looked at me, his smile encouraging. "Would you please tell us what you know."

"Yes," I replied, suddenly feeling uneasy again. I retrieved the folder from my bag and flipped it open before I handed it to Alice. "As I told Carlisle, I know the vampire who's behind the murders. Her name's Victoria. All of you have heard of her, I think." I glanced at Eleazar and Carmen, who both nodded. "She's killed four people so far," I continued, glad to see that Carlisle managed to snatch the folder away from Esme before she could take a look at the pictures, "and I don't think she's going to stop until she's achieved what she came here to do."

"And what would that be?" Eleazar asked.

"Killing me," I said quietly.

Edward spun around in a movement so fast it didn't exist.

I looked at the floor again when I spoke again, afraid to meet his eyes. "Victoria's been after me for nine years now. She's holding a grudge because Edward killed her mate James, and she thinks that by killing me she'll get back at him. She doesn't know that things aren't… She doesn't know that things have changed between us. I don't think that it would matter if she did, though. She wants revenge. Two years ago she tried to kill me. She didn't succeed, obviously," I laughed bitterly as I gestured at myself, "but now that I'm harder to kill she has to get creative. Which is why she killed those women. I think she wants me to come to her. I guess she hopes that if she kills just enough humans I'll eventually cave in."

"Problem is," Alice put in, "that even though I know it's Victoria now, I still don't see her. I have no idea how she does it, but it'll make it harder for us to find her."

"No," Edward said very sharply.

I glanced up. Heads swivelled around to look at Edward. He was glaring at Jasper, his expression murderous. "Don't you even dare suggest that."

"I might be a way to lure her out of her hiding place," Jasper said quietly.

"I don't care," Edward snarled. "We're _not_ using her as bait."

Surprised, I stared at him. The thought hadn't even occurred to me, and I wasn't sure I'd follow it unless every other option was exhausted, but why did Edward care? Did he still think I had to be protected?

"I wasn't going to suggest it," Jasper replied calmly.

"And what if he was?" I asked. "It's none of your business."

Suddenly the atmosphere in the room shifted, was charged with tension. Esme and Carlisle looked at each other, uncomfortable.

"It's too dangerous," Edward said firmly, looking at me and I forced myself not to look away again.

"Why do you care? You couldn't care less even if she kills me."

Edward's lips tightened. "It's too dangerous," he repeated with an air of finality, and that did it.

I leapt to my feet so suddenly he winced, not having expected that kind of reaction. In my peripheral vision I saw Alice shake her head as Jasper reached out to hold me back. His hands dropped back on Alice's shoulders. "You have no right to make that kind of decision for me," I hissed, venom in my voice. "But then you've alway been good at that, haven't you? Making decisions over other people's heads. You had no right to ask your family to stay away from me when you left Forks. I can hardly blame you for not loving me anymore, but I do blame you for taking them away from me, too. You had no right to. And you have no right to tell me what to do now, either."

I fell silent, breathing heavily. Edward didn't answer, was too surprised or shocked to. "I'm leaving," I muttered. "I told you everything I knew, anyway." Grabbing my bag, I stormed out of the house. By now it was dark, pitch black, the way it never was in the city. I inhaled, letting icy air stream into my lungs. It didn't do a thing to calm me.

I didn't know exactly where I was. My sense of direction wasn't as lousy as it once had been, but it could have been better. I still set off. I'd get home eventually. Marching through the snow, I felt the anger simmering inside me. "Self-righteous bastard," I muttered as I leapt across the wall of snow that separated the driveway from the forest.

That was as far as I got.

I had all but forgotten about the fact that Jasper was still holding on to my emotions, was still carrying their weight for me, but now they came rushing back, and the shock sent me tumbling to the ground. I gasped at the pain inside my chest, tried to get up again but couldn't. I lay flat in the snow, unable to move as pain tore through my body, every fibre of my being. Despair and pain and been my constant companions for so long that I barely noticed them anymore; had I known this was how I'd feel I'd never have allowed Jasper to take them away from me.

Footsteps behind me.

"Please leave," I whispered. I didn't want them to see me like that, vulnerable and broken. Whoever it was didn't listen. Instead, I was lifted off the ground so gently as if I was still a fragile human. The scent that enveloped me was achingly familiar and yet completely unexpected. Edward.

"Let me drive you home," he said quietly, letting go of me only when he was certain I wouldn't crumple to the ground again. "We need to talk."


	15. Confession

**A/N**: And here's the conclusion. I hope it'll live up to your expectations, because personally I'm not that pleased with how it turned out. I liked the last two chapters much better; they were somehow easier to write, but maybe that's because—please don't be too shocked—I'm suffering from a bad case of writer's block. =( Yes, now it's out. I've been writing on the next chapter for over a week now and I'm just not making any progress. Well, that's not true. It's actually half finished, but it's just… It feels bad when I read it. I know I can do better. I actually can do way better than this chapter, too, so once my muse is back (which, hopefully, will be soon because I have to write two term papers and I NEED her) I'll go over it again. I just didn't want to keep you waiting for too long, especially since I promised I'd be posting it this week. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait for the next chapter just a little longer. I'm sorry. Really! =( And I really hope you won't be too disappointed by this… Because I am.

Thanks again for all the reviews I got and also to those who've added me or "Lifelines" to their Favorites Lists! I'm thrilled you've stayed with me for so long and I promise that there are many, many chapters yet to come—once I've got over this really bad case of writer's block!

And now a little bit of trivia: My boyfriend and I are planning to go to Italy this summer, to Tuscany to be exact. He's found this cute hotel which is right between Monteverdi and Sassetta, which, in turn, is only about 60km (about 38 miles) from Volterra. Since I don't know much about Volterra aside from what I learned in "New Moon" I googled it and found a Wikipedia article. And what's really interesting is that Volterra's sister town in Germany is Wunsiedel (which none of you will probably know because, really, it's in the back of beyond and not important at all) BUT Wunsiedel is the county next to mine; it's in spitting distance, actually.

OK, so you probably won't find this as interesting as I did when I read the article, but I just had to share this piece of information with someone!

Enjoy this chapter and please don't hate me. I know I can do better and I will do better. I swear! Cross my heart and hope to die!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer; I only borrowed certain elements.

—

EDWARD

"Go after her," Alice said into the silence that ensued, a silence so thick it was almost choking. Our cousins had no clue what had just transpired; nobody had told them what I'd asked my family to do, and they were confused, shocked even, at Bella's outburst.

I looked at Esme and Carlisle who stood unmoving, their thoughts unsympathetic. Bella was right; I should never have asked my family to abandon her, and Carlisle and Esme both believed that I deserved her fury.

_What did you expect?_ Carlisle asked calmly.

"I didn't think she'd…" I began, then broke off, burying my face in my hands. "What have I done?" I whispered.

"What's going on?" Kate asked slowly.

"I'll explain later," Alice replied. "Edward, go after her." Her voice was urgent. I saw images flicker across her mind, too fast, too many. Bella splayed out in the snow, unmoving. My eyes flew open and I spun around, already moving. I only paused to get my bearings. Footsteps led away from the house towards the forest, and Bella's scent was still fresh. I crossed the driveway in two strides and leapt across the wall of snow Eleazar had piled up in another. Landing softly on the ground, my knees absorbing the impact, I scanned the tree line for Bella and found her exactly as I'd seen in her in Alice's vision. Splayed out in the snow, unmoving.

"Please leave," she whispered against the ground as she heard me approach.

Cradling her against my chest, I gently lifted her up. Her scent was so sweet, so tempting. I knew the second she realised it was me; her body went stiff. I let go, but kept my hands above her shoulders to hold her if she fell to the ground again.

"Let me drive you home," I said softly. "We need to talk."

"What's there to talk about?" she whispered, uncertain on her feet.

Worry surged through me. What had just happened? Why had she broken down like that?

"I have a confession to make," I said.

Bella turned, stepping out of my embrace, away from me. "A confession?" she asked, her voice bitter.

I glanced back over my shoulder, aware my family would be able to hear every word. "Let's go for a walk," I suggested since she seemed to opposed to me driving her home.

Her jaw was set. Being with her when she was still human, I'd found myself wishing so that I could look into her mind and know what she was thinking so many times. She'd always been so difficult to read. Now she wasn't. I knew she was thinking about the other time I'd led her into the forest, the day I'd lied to her, had told her I didn't love her anymore.

"Fine," she said, to my great surprise, and walked past me, deeper into the forest.

I followed her, slowly. The task ahead lay like a heavy weight on my chest. She'd hate me, that I knew for sure. I would hate me if I were her.

When I was certain we were too far away from the Denalis' house for anyone to overhear, I stopped. Bella did, too, slowly turning around to face me. Her expression was unreadable, but her body tense with apprehension. What did she think I was about to tell her?

"Can we keep this short?" she asked. "I've head a really long day and I'd like to go home."

Was she, too, having that sense of déjà-vu? Bella wouldn't remember that day as clearly as I; human memories faded quickly. For me, it felt as if it had only been yesterday, which, in a sense, that was the case. After a while time began losing meaning if you had so much of it on your hands. "Certainly," I said, realising she was waiting for an answer. "I just…" I had no idea how to phrase it, how to say the words that would make her hate me.

But Jasper was right. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

"I lied," I said very softly.

"What exactly did you lie about?" Bella asked frostily. She wasn't going to make this easy for me.

I took a deep breath, and then it all came out in a rush, the words almost tumbling in my haste to get them out. "That night in the forest when I told you I didn't love you anymore. I lied. I lied so you would let me go. I wanted you to have a normal life, and I was afraid that if you held on to me, you wouldn't be able to fall in love again, stay human. It was wrong. I know that now, and I'm sorry. You're right. I had no right to make that kind of decision for you, and if you hate me know I'll understand. I just… I wanted you to know."

I'd done it. I'd told her. Now she knew what I'd done to her, how much I'd really hurt her. How would she react? Would she yell at me? Maybe. The Bella I knew would never have pitched a fit like that, no matter how justified. But maybe she'd just leave, turn around and walk away into the night, and I knew that if she did that, it would hurt more than a slap in the face. I didn't want her to, didn't know if I could bear it, if I could let her walk away. Because if she did I wouldn't be able to follow. Not until she asked me to.

I'd made my bed. Now I had to lie in it.

If only I'd never left her.

Bella didn't react at all. She simply stood there, staring at me, her eyes wide with shock. I saw disbelief in them, and pain, so much pain. I cringed, desperate for her to say something. She didn't, and in the end I spoke first.

"Bella," I whispered, reaching out for her, trying to comfort her, though I knew it wasn't my place. I couldn't help myself. The desire to protect her was still so very strong. But how could I protect her from myself, shield her from the pain I'd caused?

She moved back, away from my hand, swaying as if her legs were about to give way. Stumbling away, she turned and sank down into the snow. She was coughing, choking, and suddenly blood, so much blood, gushed over the ground, turning it crimson. I stared down at her in helpless horror as she kept choking, the retching sound horribly loud in the silence of the night.

I'd never heard of a vampire being sick, and my first thought was that something was terribly, terribly wrong. I was already reaching for my cell phone to call Carlisle, but then Bella sat back, breathing heavily. Blood was on her face, in her hair and her staining clothes, but she was no longer vomiting. I almost sighed in relief. Our bodies and psyches reacted violently to any kind of emotional shock, and I assumed that's what had just happened, _had_ to assume that otherwise I would go mad with worry.

"You lied?" she asked, her voice rough. Coughing again, she rose to her feet with her hand in front of her mouth as if she wasn't completely certain she was done. "You lied…" A whisper now, her voice trailing off.

"Bella," I began, but I didn't really know what to say. What _could_ I say? "I'm sorry," I whispered eventually in the silence that had stretched between us. The forest was equally silent, almost as if it, too, was waiting for one of us to speak. The animals living in this part of the woods had fled; they knew they weren't safe around us.

Bella didn't answer, and as the minutes trickled by, the night came alive again. Above us, owls soared through the treetops, and in the distance a wolf began howling, and then another. Bella heard, too. Tilting her head, she listened to the eerie sound. The strangest expression flitted across her face. Then she seemed to remember me, and she balled her hands into fists at her side.

"Leave me alone," she said, steel in her voice. There was an air of finality to what she said next. "Leave me alone, Edward, and don't ever come back." Back straight, she turned around and slowly walked away.

And then I was alone.

—

I didn't return to my cousins' house. Instead, I set off to retrieve the car, hoping, that just this once, Alice would give it a rest and not send Jasper after me. I needed to be alone. My cell phone rang twice, but I didn't take it out to see who it was, and when I advanced deeper into the wilderness, taking not the direct route Jasper and I had used this afternoon but a generous detour, I eventually lost reception.

Nobody came after me. Maybe Alice had seen it would be better if I was left alone. But maybe she just hadn't been able to pinpoint my exact location, the forest being devoid of anything that could have told her where I was. Either way I was alone. And I was glad, for if she were here, Alice would have tried to cheer me up, would have tried to convince me that everything would be alright, and I knew that she was wrong. How could she _not_ be wrong? Surely she'd seen what Bella would say to me, what she'd ask of me.

Or had she? Maybe the future had been too undecided, Bella's reaction too unpredictable for Alice to know for sure, and she'd been taken by surprise as well. What if she'd only guessed, had only hoped that Bella would forgive me but never known for sure? Because Bella herself hadn't known what she would do up until the moment I told her the truth.

Because she'd never even considered the possibility that I'd lied to her that day in the forest.

Why would she? She'd trusted me, so she'd trusted me to tell her the truth, even if it was a truth that would, ultimately, tear her world apart. After all the million times I'd told her that I loved her, it had taken but a single lie to convince her that I didn't. I'd never expected her to believe me so easily. I'd thought I would have to lie through my teeth for hours. But she'd trusted me to tell her the truth, to never betray her that way. Yet I had betrayed her.

I stopped in the middle of nowhere, alone in a field of glistening snow that stretched for miles and miles without any sign of human life. I'd crossed the Canadian border some time ago and had a fairly good idea of where I was; another thirty minutes at full pace and I'd reach the car we'd had to bury underneath almost half a ton of snow.

And then what would I do? Driving home would only occupy me for another ten hours and then I'd have to face my family again. They'd ask me how Bella was, certainly, would want to know what had happened in the forest. I didn't think Alice had told them already; it was the kind of thing she'd keep to herself. Our pain was private. She'd try to protect Bella's privacy as much as mine. That didn't mean that, sooner or later, they wouldn't learn what had transpired and then they'd be all over me. They'd insist on helping me, only this time there was nothing they could do. I wasn't even sure I wanted them to.

Slowly breathing in, I ran my hands through my hair, hoping the gesture would help me think. I needed to decide what to do. I'd go mad if I didn't. And it would keep my family off my back. I paused, my right hand still caught in my hair. They didn't deserve me thinking of them that way, as a nuisance, when all they ever did was trying to help. But this I had to do alone. Would I fight for Bella? Or would I just walk away and leave her alone, just as she'd asked? Even as I considered these questions I knew that, deep, deep down, I already knew the answer. I'd always known the answer. And as I stood there, alone in the Canadian wilderness in a desert of snow I decided that I would fight for her, would do anything to win her back, would even try to change if that was what it took.

I would do anything if there was a chance, no matter how remote, that Bella might take me back.

—

It was midmorning when I returned home. Alice and Jasper were at school, Carlisle at work, but Esme was home, waiting for me in the kitchen. Despite there being no necessity for us to ever use it, it was one of her favourite rooms in the house, and she'd taken great care to arrange it exactly to her liking.

"I'm home," I said, dropping the car keys back into the drawer we kept them in. The jeep was back in the garage and I'd refuelled it; Emmett would probably want to take it out when he got home tonight.

"In the kitchen," Esme replied, though I already knew. Sauntering into the room that was brightly lit despite the overcast sky outside, I smiled and slid into the chair across from her. The table was littered with papers. "Alice told us you needed some time alone," Esme continued before I had the chance to speak. "Are you alright?"

Gratitude for Alice once again filled my heart. She didn't have to do this for me, keep my secrets, but she did. "As a matter of fact I am," I said, my smile widening into the grin Esme loved because she thought it truly made me look like the teenage boy I was.

She hadn't seen it in a very long time, and her eyes lit up in surprise. "Something's got you in a good mood this morning," she said. She reached out for my hand and squeezed it gently. "How'd things with Bella go?"

And there it was, the question I'd dreaded. But I'd made up my mind. I'd fight for her. I didn't yet know how, but I would do anything I could to get her back, make her forgive me, and I would do it alone. So I simply said, "I'm sure it'll work out," though I knew this wasn't what Esme wanted to hear, and it didn't convince her.

None of them had spoken to Bella since we left last night, because Alice had insisted that it would be better, that she needed some time alone for her to sort things out. Alice hadn't elaborated on what those things might be, but Esme wasn't stupid, so she assumed I'd told Bella the truth.

"She didn't take it well," I said, answering Esme's unspoken question. "I knew she wouldn't and I don't hold it against her. I never would. I think she just needs time, and I'm willing to give her all the time in the world if that's what it takes. I won't give up, Esme, but I need to do this alone."

"I understand," she replied very softly. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I've been hard on you, and I know the last couple of days haven't been easy for you."

I smiled. "You don't have to apologise, Esme. You were right. You all were. I should have told you, and I'm sorry I didn't. I shouldn't have lied to Bella, either, and I just hope she'll forgive me. I have to believe to that she will." For even though I had made up my mind, I didn't know what I would do if she didn't forgive me. I didn't allow myself to think that far ahead.

"I'm sure she will," Esme said. "She loves you." But Esme knew just as well as I did that love sometimes wasn't enough, and even though she tried to hide it from me and bury it under a mountain of trivia I saw the spark of doubt in her mind like. She wanted to believe that things would be alright, that we'd have our fairytale happy ending, but she was realist enough to consider the possibility that we might never be together again.

"Let's not," I said, my voice rough, "let's not go there, alright?"

"I'm sorry," Esme replied, managing a smile. "You're right. I know you said you wanted to do this alone, but if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. Never be afraid to ask your family for help."

"I will," I promised.

"Good. And now you could give me a hand with those papers. I'm trying to locate an order confirmation I seem to have misplaced." Esme wrinkled her nose. "I know I haven't. I've never misplaced anything, not even before. But my client keeps insisting that we already bought tiles for the master bathroom and refuses to sign the order even though I know that we didn't. He's driving me crazy. First those inlays and now this." She gave a frustrated sigh. "I'm beginning to regret I ever took this job. Humans are so… peculiar sometimes."

I laughed. "I think the word you wanted was insane."

Esme glared at me, her eyes twinkling with laughter. "No, I didn't. That wouldn't have been very polite now, would it, and one must always be polite. At least that's what Carlisle keeps telling me, but that man has the patience of a saint and I don't."

It was nice, talking to Esme about problems that had nothing at all to do with me and Bella. It was relaxing, and it reminded me that life went on, that the world didn't stop turning just because I felt like it. Jasper was right. I wasn't the centre of the universe where everything revolved around me and me alone, but I'd needed someone else to point that out for me. I had to change that.

There were a lot of things I had to change and I would try, but our nature was such that, even if I gave my very best, I might still fail in the end. That's how things were with us, and I wouldn't know what I'd do if that happened. But for now I'd take my own advice and cross that bridge when I got to it.

After Esme left I went upstairs into my room to busy myself with looking for a car for Alice. She'd mentioned—well, it had been on her mind last night—that she liked Bella's Porsche and that, I thought, would be the perfect car for her. Clicking through at least a few hundred websites, it still didn't take me long to find a model she would like and in a colour that, knowing my sister, would make her squeal with delight when the vision came to her. I smiled as I hit the order button. At least Alice would be happy.

Around five Jasper and Alice returned from school, the latter briefly dashing upstairs to throw herself around my neck for buying her that car before they left to pick up first Bella and then Carlisle; Rose and Emmett's flight would arrive in less than three hours. Alice didn't ask me if I wanted to join them, already knowing the answer. I'd never been Rosalie's favourite person, and with Bella there her already fragile mood was under enough strain as it was. Adding myself to the equation wasn't a very good idea.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"About what?"

I rolled my eyes at Alice's innocent question, and she pouted. She knew exactly what I was talking about, and she knew that I knew. Still, I decided to humour her. "Throwing Bella and Rosalie together. Rosalie's never liked Bella much, and I believe the feeling's mutual."

"Fine." She sighed and parked herself on the edge of the bed I'd never used, legs pulled up against her chest. "No, I'm not sure. But the sooner they'll get it out of their system the better." Her usually cheerful eyes were serious when she looked up at me. "We can't afford this kind of squabble. We have a killer to catch, and Victoria's not going to make it easy for us. Even knowing that it's her, I can't see a thing." Alice ran her hand through her hair, frustrated. "It's driving me mad."

"I know." I sat down beside her. "We will find her. We have to." I smiled. "For Bella."

Alice sighed. "Yeah." She got up and pulled down the long shirt she was wearing today to smooth out the creases. "I'm off now. Wish me luck." With that she disappeared.

—

I found myself waiting more eagerly for their return than I usually would have, perversely curious to see how things would play out. I still didn't think that Alice's idea was that great, because I knew better than her how Rosalie felt about Bella. They'd never quite liked each other—though it had been hard for me to tell with Bella—and I doubted they would now, so my surprise was great when it was Bella who dropped Rosalie off around nine and Carlisle, Jasper, Alice and Emmett were nowhere to be seen.

Which at least explained Rosalie's mood.

Walking to the window, I looked outside in time to see Rosalie stepping out of the car and slamming the door shut behind her so hard it sent vibrations through the entire frame. Bella's lips were pressed together in a tight line, her knuckles straining white against her skin as she yanked the steering wheel around the second Rosalie was out of her way. The car spun around, its engine howling angrily, and off she sped, sending snow flying in every direction as its tyres spun wildly. Rosalie glared after the car, her back rigid, then she turned and stalked up the front stairs. "Edward," she screeched as soon as she'd closed the door behind her, thundering up the stairs and into my room with none of her usual grace. "What the hell is _she_ doing here?" she demanded, poison in her voice.

I felt my lips twitch. Rosalie picked up on it immediately, and her mood was such that she went straight for my jugular. Seeing her intentions a split-second before her body actually executed the movement, I dove out of the way and Rosalie, too caught up in her fury to think straight, slammed into into my desk. It all but exploded, splinters of wood shooting in every direction. Things didn't usually get this physical between us, despite the fact that both of us had a bit of a temper, but then most of the time Emmett was here to rein Rosalie in.

What the hell was Alice thinking?

Turning, Rosalie folded her arms in front of her chest and glared at me, but at least her outburst seemed to have taken the edge off, so she—probably—wouldn't jump me again, depending on what I said and did.

It was always so complicated with Rosalie.

"What is she doing here?" she repeated icily.

"She works at the Alaska Regional," I replied, trying for a normal conversation. Rosalie and I hadn't had very many of those lately. In fact, we didn't talk much at all, but when we did we snarled at each other more often than not. It was tiresome. I didn't know what exactly Rosalie's problem was, because Rosalie herself didn't seem to know. "And she's been in Anchorage for almost a year, which means she was here first."

"That's not what I meant," Rosalie snarled back. "Why is she a vampire?"

I raised an eyebrow, unable to resist the temptation to play. Just a little. "Isn't that obvious?"

Rosalie growled, followed by a string of curses Esme would have been shocked to hear out of her mouth and then she stalked past me out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her, which effectively ended our conversation. That and the fact that Carlisle's Mercedes was just coming around the bend, and Rosalie didn't want to get an earful from either her husband or our father.

I sighed as I looked down at the mess she had left. Greyish dust had settled on almost every surface, and the desk, or what was left of it, was surrounded by a halo of splinters. Carefully, I lifted up its mangled remains. I would have to get rid of it before Esme came home. She didn't need to see this, not because I wanted to protect Rosalie—she didn't deserve it—but because I didn't want Esme to worry about our almost-fight.

I sighed again, deciding that I'd better burn it then, and carried it downstairs. Carlisle looked at me funnily as I passed him on the way to the basement, but he didn't ask, thinking that he didn't want to know, for if he didn't, then he wouldn't be able to tell Esme about it. "Emmett's outside," as he dropped his bag by the little table in the hallway and shrugged out of his coat. "Damage control."

"Bringing Bella might not have been the best idea I've had today," Alice admitted as she and Jasper entered. Emmett and Rosalie had left and were too far away for me to read their thoughts. I didn't mind that at all. It also meant that they wouldn't hear what was said, so there was no need for tactfulness. "Boy, you should have seen Rosalie's face." Alice slowly shook her head at the memory, and I felt my lips twitch into a smile. "It was priceless. But, yes, I shouldn't have talked Bella into coming. She probably won't talk to me for days." Alice sighed, tossed her jacket beside Carlisle's coat and walked into the living-room, planning to curl up in an armchair and watch TV.

She never made it that far.

In a way, I was as used to seeing the future as Alice was. I couldn't turn my gift on and off, so if I was nearby when Alice had a vision I would see it too, and then I was used to the flux of images anyway. It no longer caught me off guard, but when the vision popped into Alice's mind and, a split-second later, into my own I still gasped. Alice did, too. Jasper was at her side so fast I didn't see him move, holding her as the images assaulted her.

Carlisle was looking from Alice to me, then turned to face Jasper, alarmed. "What is it?" he asked, his voice tight.

Jasper gently shook Alice's shoulder, willing her to talk to him. "Alice?" Not for the first time he wished that he could share what Alice and I shared, could see those pictures that held Alice captive and that had wrapped themselves around my chest so tight I found it hard to breathe.

"It's Bella," I managed, my voice strangely thin. Carlisle's head snapped around to me again. "Victoria's decided to make a move."

—

OK, reading the ending again, I realize this really a crappy time for writer's block. I'm really, really sorry for the cliffhanger.


	16. Family

**A/N**: Finally. I thought I'd never make it. This chapter was so difficult to write, but I've done it, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I hope you'll be, too. I realise this part is a bit longish, but I'm sure you won't mind! ;-)

Thanks for all the reviews I got, especially for the review from KayMarie. It was very inspiring.

I hope you'll enjoy it!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga and all its characters are property of Stephenie Meyer!

16. FAMILY

BELLA

I was dreaming.

I _had_ to be dreaming. This simply wasn't true, couldn't be true, would never be true, because if it was, then nine years of pain and misery and despair had been all for nothing, and I couldn't believe that. I didn't _want_ to believe it, didn't want to believe that I'd suffered so much because he'd lied to me, because he'd made a decision that wasn't his to make.

I'd come to accept that he didn't love me anymore. How could I not want him to be happy when I still loved him so very much? I wouldn't want him to stay with me just because he was afraid leaving me would hurt me. I wasn't that selfish, and while it did hurt, had always hurt and would always hurt because I couldn't stop loving him, I'd known he was right, had known that, ultimately, his decision to was better for the both of us if he truly didn't love me anymore.

And never, not even for a second, had it occurred to me that he would lie. Why would he? I'd never quite understood, maybe even refused to understand, how someone like Edward could love someone like me, and while his breaking up with me had been so very, very painful, it hadn't surprised me, not really. He was a vampire, and I'd been a clumsy human girl, and maybe he'd never have noticed me if my blood hadn't called out to him. Maybe he'd never really loved me for who I was, but only because of my blood whose scent had been so much more potent to him than to any other member—with the possible exception of Jasper—of his family.

And when he realised that, when he realised that I didn't mean as much to him as he thought I did, he'd ended it, and I couldn't fault him for it. I never had. And I'd never allowed myself to believe that he'd lied, because it would have been too painful, because you didn't lie to the people you loved, didn't hurt them that cruelly, and because I'd always have hoped that he'd come back to me, and if I had, I wouldn't have been able to go on with my life. And so I hadn't. And while, on occasion, I'd still woken up screaming, having relived that horrible night in my dreams once again, I knew I'd had my life under control. Edward didn't love me anymore, had left me and would never come back, and that's just how it was, so I'd accepted it in the end. What else could I have done?

And so this had to be a dream, because if it wasn't, then everything I'd believed in for nine years had been a lie. But I was a vampire. I couldn't sleep, couldn't dream, hadn't been able to for almost two years, and realisation hit me so hard every cell in my body seemed to explode with pain that was a million times worse than the agony of my change.

It wasn't a dream.

"Bella," Edward whispered, his voice distressed. I saw my own pain mirrored in his eyes, and I could guess how much leaving me had hurt him, but how could I possibly care about that? _He_'d decided to leave. He'd hurt us both. _I_'d wanted him to stay, had wanted to be with him. That's what I'd always wanted. But he'd left me, because he'd wanted to protect me—and I knew that Esme had been right, knew that this had to have been his reason for leaving me, because he'd always been so very protective—because he wouldn't have been able to bear losing me, and so he'd removed himself from the equation, hoping that, without him, I'd be able to live a normal, human life.

How could he have believed that I would?

If only he'd changed me then. I'd been ready. I'd have left everything behind, knowing I wouldn't be able to live, to exist, without him. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd left, putting us both through hell because he hadn't wanted to condemn me to a life like this, and while I hadn't understood then I understood now, but I also knew that if I hadn't been alone, that if he'd been with me when it happened and afterwards, it wouldn't have mattered. Because I _couldn't_ exist without him. It was as simple as that. And while I would never be so selfish to hold on to someone, refuse to let that someone go and hurt him, he'd _been_ selfish. He'd left me so he wouldn't lose me, never mind that in the end he'd lose me anyway, because my days had been numbered even then. Never mind the pain he'd cause me or himself. He might have been prepared to deal with it, but I hadn't. And why should I have? I loved him. I'd wanted to stay with him. I'd have left everything behind for him.

Why hadn't he been able to accept that?

I saw him reaching out to me, and even though a part of me craved for his touch even now, I stepped back on uncertain legs, swaying like a flower in the breeze. _He betrayed me_. I took another step, my legs heavy as lead, while agonising pain was roaring inside my body. _He betrayed me_. Another step. I remembered how to turn around, stumbling as I did. I had to leave, had to get away from him. _He betrayed me_. A third step. I willed myself to move faster, but my brain was refusing to work properly. Instead, I suddenly found myself on the ground, stomach rolling. I wasn't feeling sick, not exactly. I felt it clench, and then, for one terrible moment and even though I didn't even need air to survive, I thought I was suffocating as bile rose in my throat. Leaning forward, I choked and coughed, and suddenly a fountain of blood spilled onto the snow, blood and venom from my stomach, and it tasted like acid. I tried to swallow, tried to fight it back down, but I couldn't. I coughed and coughed and coughed, the puddle of blood in front of me slowly congealing even as it grew, dark and ugly against the immaculateness of the snow. I felt Edward stand motionless beside me, felt his eyes on me, and I wanted to scream at him to make it stop, because it was his fault, because everything was his fault, but I couldn't, just as I couldn't stop choking up blood, much, much more than I'd have thought possible.

And then, just as suddenly as it had come, the urge to vomit passed. I drew a trembling breath, half expecting my throat to be raw and sensitive—as it had always been after I was sick as a human—but it wasn't, and if I hadn't been able to smell the blood that I'd gotten on my clothes and in my hair, I might have thought I'd only imagined it.

I sat back, breathing heavily, not sure what had just happened. I'd never heard of a vampire being sick, because, as far as I knew, vampires didn't get ill; they couldn't because, technically, their bodies were dead, and no virus, no bacterium could infect a dead organism. Even if it had been possible, the venom running in our veins, in our tissue was just that: venom and therefore lethal. Fear trickled into my mind. If I wasn't sick, then what was wrong with me?

I glanced up at Edward, who met my gaze levelly, and if his expression wasn't exactly relaxed, then it wasn't worried either, and relief washed through me, relief so great it made me realise how afraid I'd truly been, for if something _were_ wrong, then it would have shown in his face. I knew that with absolute certainty. Fear, yes, there was fear in his eyes. He tried to hide it, because he didn't want me to see it; he'd always been very restrained where his emotions were concerned. I saw it anyway, because I knew him so well and knew what to look for, but I was certain—I wasn't sure why; I just was—that it was my reaction he was afraid of, my reaction to what he'd just revealed to me.

I wanted to reach out to him, wanted to comfort him and tell him that it was going to be alright—but I didn't, because I couldn't. If he'd come back to me, because he'd realised that he still loved me after all, things might have been different. I wouldn't have flung myself into his arms, because I was older now, because I wasn't the same girl he'd left that night in the forest, and because he'd hurt me. We'd have had to work on it, but I was certain that, in the end, we'd have figured it out.

But he hadn't come back to me because he'd realised he still loved me. In fact, he hadn't come back to me at all; his moving to Anchorage had been completely coincidental. And he hadn't left me because he didn't loved me anymore. He'd wanted to protect me, and that's why he'd left. That's why he'd lied. And—I didn't know if I could ever forgive the lie, forgive him for hurting me the way he had.

"You lied?" I asked, my voice rougher than I'd expected. I coughed to clear it, then rose to my feet, slowly because my legs still felt wobbly, hand in front of my mouth; I didn't know what else to do with it. "You lied…" I said again. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know what to do, either, because I wasn't sure what I wanted. I could have him back, but I'd have to accept that he'd lied, had to forgive him, and as much as I loved him, I couldn't.

"Bella," he said, and I forced myself to meet his golden eyes, "I'm sorry." He fell silent after that, probably because he, too, realised there was nothing he could say. I believed that he was sorry, but that didn't change anything. How could it? How could those words take back the pain he'd caused me? How could those words erase two, no, nine years of misery and despair and loneliness?

A wolf suddenly howled in the distance, and I instantly thought of Jake. I missed him so much, and I hoped Sam hadn't come down on him too hard for disobeying his orders. If only he was here… I knew what he'd have told me if he was. _Send him away_, he'd have said—after giving me a piece of his mind first, of course, and trying to rip Edward's head off.

He'd have been right. He was right.

And so I made my decision.

"Leave me alone," I said, fighting the urge to wrap my arms around my chest as pain tore at my silent heart once more. "Leave me alone, Edward, and don't ever come back." I turned and left without waiting for an answer, because I was afraid that if I did, I might not be able to walk away. I loved him, and I'd never stop loving him, but I couldn't forgive him.

And as I walked through the forest, trying to keep the pieces of my aching heart together, I knew I'd done the right thing.

—

Morning came, and I went to work as if nothing had happened, hoping that being busy would distract me, if only a little. Last night's conversation kept replaying itself in my head, and I wanted to turn it off so badly I would have done anything to make it stop since sleeping, unfortunately, wasn't an option. I couldn't _be_ tired; it was impossible, and yet I felt terribly exhausted.

I didn't want to feel that way. Angry. I wanted to be angry. I should have _been_ angry, but I wasn't. I was disappointed and tired and hurt, but I wasn't angry. I couldn't be. I couldn't hate him either, though I supposed things would have been easier if I could. He'd betrayed me, and still I couldn't hate him. I knew why he'd done it, knew that his intentions had been honourable, and while I thought he'd made a mistake, a mistake that had almost destroyed us both, I couldn't hate him for it.

But I couldn't forgive him, either. I _wouldn't_ forgive him. Not now. Maybe never.

If only I could have stopped thinking about him. I hadn't allowed him into my thoughts before, afraid of the pain evoking memories of what we'd had together—what we'd never have again—would certainly have caused. Would _have_ caused, for now I knew that he still loved me, that he'd never stopped loving me.

And I'd walked away. What else could I have done? I wasn't the kind of woman who ran back to the man that had hurt her, broken her, just because she was too weak to walk away. I wasn't weak. I didn't want to be weak, and so I'd walked away. But that didn't change the way I felt about him. I'd always feel that way about him, and I was tired of it, was tired of the fact that Edward still had so much influence about my life and about my emotions.

Work was quiet today, but you had to thank God for small favours. Danielle, sensing that I wasn't in the mood for small talk, barely spoke to me, and that was just as well, because I doubted I would have managed to produce even a single coherent sentence. Victoria hadn't sent me another 'gift' either, for which I was profoundly grateful; I didn't want to have to deal with her today. I'd have to face her soon enough, and while I wasn't stupid enough to think that she had given up—in fact, she was probably busy plotting—I tried not to dwell on that fact too much. Not now. Not today.

Yes, I was being stupid. I shouldn't have put my own problems first, but I couldn't help it. I felt like wallowing, so that's what I did.

In the afternoon I performed an autopsy on the body of a little boy the hospital had sent down early that morning, and though it would have bothered me on any other day, today I didn't; I was too distracted to care. Danielle noticed, too, but she didn't broach the subject until it was time to leave, cornering me in my office.

"You got a minute?" she asked, clutching her bag as she slid in the chair in front of my desk. I didn't have to look up to see how nervous she was; her heart was racing so fast I half expected it to jump right out of her chest. I swallowed a sigh as I realised what that meant, and I was beginning to wish I'd stayed at home after all—it hadn't done much good, anyway.

"Sure," I replied, forcing my lips into a smile. "What is it?" I knew, of course—well, suspected—why she'd decided to talk to me after all. Danielle didn't know about Edward, for which I was profoundly grateful, because I didn't want to talk about him, but there was something else I didn't want to talk about, either, not right now and not with her, and that was Victoria. Danielle didn't have a clue how close she'd come to the truth, and I certainly wasn't going to tell her, but I wasn't stupid enough to believe that I'd succeeded in convincing her that the murdered women that happened to look like me, the killed children that shared part of my name had nothing to do with me.

When I left so suddenly yesterday, she'd been worried. I'd have been, too, I assumed, because I'd had a chance to glance at my reflection in the mirror while Esme was waiting for me, and I'd looked like hell; there really was no other way to describe it. I'd told her what I'd told everyone else: that I wasn't feeling well and was going home, but as we'd autopsied Victoria's latest victim only an hour before, it was entirely possible that Danielle had come to the conclusion that this was why I'd really left. Which wasn't that far off from the truth.

However, touched as I was by the fact that she liked me enough to worry about me, that didn't change a thing, and I was sick of having to keep lying to her, of having to come up with excuses when she was right. Lying had become a part of my life the day I was changed, but I tried to tell the truth whenever I could, not because I couldn't keep track of what I'd told whom, but because one day my entire life would be a lie, so I wanted to stick to the truth for as long as I could. Maybe that was stupid. I had so many secrets to keep that another lie, even a whole bunch of lies, shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. I didn't know exactly why that was. Maybe because even after two years I still hadn't accepted what I'd become.

"You seem distracted," Danielle said, completely oblivious to my inner reasoning, "and I just wanted to make sure that you're alright. Are you feeling better?"

"I'm not feeling sick anymore if that's what you mean," I replied, then stood up to retrieve my bag from where I'd dropped it this morning and began collecting my belongings that, hoping that would dissuade her from asking any more questions I probably wouldn't be able to answer truthfully.

"And," I could feel her eyes following me as I put on my coat, the one Alice had purchased for me, and wrapped the dusky pink scarf I'd found on my coat rack this morning—Alice again—around my neck, "have you thought about what I said?" I could hear her heart beat even faster, could feel the heat of her blush, and knew what she was referring to.

I refused to play along. "I have no idea what you're talking about." I shot her a quick glance, throwing in a confused smile for good measure, and switched off my computer before I put my bag over my shoulder. Danielle quickly got up, taking the hint, and her blush deepened. It didn't bother me at all today, despite the fact that last night—for whatever reason; maybe because I'd been in shock—I seemed to have spit out most of the blood I'd drunk before. Locking the door, I smiled at her again as I said good bye, then turned and hurried down the hallway to get away before she worked up the courage to follow me and ask me again.

Entering the garage, however, I almost turned around again, deciding that talking to Danielle wasn't so bad after all. It was definitely better than talking to Alice, who sat cross-legged on the hood of my Porsche, a smile on her face she probably believed to look innocent. It didn't, not even remotely. "You," I said, narrowing my eyes. "What do _you_ want?"

"That's how you greet your best friend?" Alice replied, arching her eyebrows in fake consternation.

"That," I retorted, "is how I greet the friend who didn't tell me that her brother _lied_." I'd decided that Alice must have known that Edward had lied. She couldn't have _not_ known, because she would have seen his decision to do what he had, but she hadn't told me, and she should have. That's what friends did. They told each other the truth.

Alice's shoulders slumped a little, but her eyes were defiant as she jumped off the hood to lean against the frame of the car instead. "I didn't tell you," she said quietly, "because he's as much my brother as you are my sister. I love you both, and I would never _ever_ do anything to hurt either of you. I'm sorry that I did, but Edward had to tell you himself. It wouldn't have been right if I had. And," she added, "I'm not here to talk about that."

I frowned. "You're not?"

Alice slipped into the passenger's seat, and my frown deepened as confusion, and suspicion, sparked inside my mind.

What was she up to now?

"No, I'm not. I'm here to pick you up, and we're already running a little late, so if you could hurry up…" Patting the empty seat beside her, she gestured for me to get into the car. I didn't move. No good had ever come out of Alice picking me up unannounced. Alice rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said in a voice that told me she'd hoped she wouldn't have to explain. I smothered a grin. She should have known better. "We're going to pick up Rosalie and Emmett."

I stared at her, the grin, or what was left of it, wiped off my face. She couldn't possibly be serious, could she? Rosalie and I had never liked each other—which was putting it mildly—and I was fairly confident that that hadn't changed. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd ever done to her, because I'd never even talked to her that much, and Edward had never told me. Then again, I hadn't asked him. "She hates me," I said eventually.

Alice sighed. "She doesn't hate you. She doesn't particularly like you, but she doesn't hate you."

"That changes everything, of course," I replied sarcastically. "Now get out of the car. I'm not coming to the airport with you."

Alice didn't move. I glared at her, which didn't impress her nearly as much as I thought it should. She simply folded her arms in front of her chest, looking quite unmovable. "Look," she began, "I know you don't care much for her either, but you're part of our family now, and you have to learn to get along."

Resting my hands on the frame of the open door, I ground my teeth together in frustration. Alice knew which buttons to press, especially when she had a point. I wasn't exactly sure why I was so opposed to meeting Rosalie again. I wasn't afraid of her anymore, and as I didn't care what people thought about me as a general rule—my three-month stint as a surgeon after which I'd never set foot in an OR again had cured me of that—it didn't really bother me that she didn't like me. But that didn't mean that I'd enjoy being in her vicinity, and I was pretty sure I wouldn't. I knew I was being childish, but I couldn't help it.

"Come on," Alice said, her voice less than patient. "I've already seen you at the airport."

"You just say that so you don't have to argue with me," I replied frostily.

Alice's eyes went wide. "I would never do that," she said, but her innocent tone didn't fool me for a second. I knew her too well. Unfortunately, that didn't change the fact that she was right. About Rosalie and me having to learn to get along, at least. It was just that right now, with everything that was going on, I didn't want to have to deal with Rosalie, too. Most of the times, I managed to hang on to my temper fairly well. I rarely lost it, not like Edward, who, for all the calm and confidence he radiated, was set off easily, at least where I was concerned. He'd proven that just last night when he'd almost ripped Jasper's head off for a suggestion he hadn't even been about to make. I was different. I was patient, and being a vampire hadn't changed that. But I also knew from experience that I reacted to stress, and while as human I hadn't been able to wreak much havoc—I'd once thrown an empty plastic bottle at Olivia a week before the finals where everybody's nerves had been stretched thin, and that was the worst I had ever done—I could now, and I'd never been under as much stress as I was now. And losing my temper in front of Rosalie wasn't very high on my priority list. She'd never let it forget me, and she'd only hate—fine, _dislike_—me all the more for it.

So no, coming to the airport with Alice wasn't a very good idea. But when I tried to explain that to her, she just waved her hand in dismissal. "Please, Rosalie will probably lose her temper before you do."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Yes, actually," Alice replied. "It'll be fine, I promise. Now get in the car."

"You're very bossy," I muttered. I slipped into the car, trying very hard to ignore Alice's triumphant grin at succeeding in getting me to do what she wanted once again. I decided that I'd have to work on that if I didn't want to set a bad precedent—any more than I already had, that was.

—

I kept telling myself that Alice had a point as we met up with Carlisle and Jasper in the arrival hall, hoping it would made me feel better, but it didn't. Alice took Jasper's hand and led him the rows of grey seats, four of them and almost every single seat was empty, where they sat down, Alice curling up against Jasper's side in a position that couldn't have possibly been comfortable—or wouldn't have been for a human. I felt a pang of jealousy in my stomach, because I didn't know if I'd ever have again what they had, but I smothered it and turned away. I didn't want to be pining over Edward, not after what he'd done to me, and I wouldn't.

Suddenly, meeting Rosalie didn't seem like such a bad idea anymore. I'd probably change my mind again the second I saw her face and the murderous expression she was sure to look at me with, but right now I needed a distraction, which Rosalie would definitely provide.

"Has he told you the truth?" Carlisle asked quietly.

My shoulders stiffened almost automatically, and he added quickly, "I don't mean to pry, and it's perfectly alright if you don't want to talk about it since it's none of my business. I just wanted to make sure, and I have now." He smiled. "I'm sorry he put you through this and I wish that he hadn't."

"May I ask you a question?" The sentence was out before I was even sure I wanted to know. It hadn't occurred to me before to ask the question I was about to ask, and it should have. Then again, I had so much on my mind right now that it was understandable, and I'd been so relieved. Still, I should have asked.

Carlisle quirked an eyebrow at me, inviting me to continue.

I bit my lips as I tried to find the right words. "When you left Forks," I began eventually, my voice hesitant because I wasn't sure Carlisle would want to talk about it, "when Edward asked you to leave and not to contact me again, why did you do as he said? If you loved me so much, then why did you never come back? I needed you. All of you." I whispered those last words. I'd been so relieved when Esme had told me that they'd always loved me, that they'd only left because Edward had asked them to that I'd never even asked _why_ they had, why they had done as Edward had said.

Carlisle was silent for a very long time. The arrival hall was beginning to fill up, but as it was almost past nine there weren't as many people as there could have been, for which I was glad. I usually tried to avoid larger crowds, because, for one thing, I still didn't feel too comfortable around so many humans yet, and, for another, I found it hard to process so many scents and sounds, many of them unpleasant, to say the least. It made me edgy, and tonight I couldn't afford to be edgy.

Maybe that's what I should have told Alice in order to get out of this, I thought sourly.

"It wasn't easy," Carlisle said finally, and my attention snapped back to him, Rosalie temporarily wiped from my mind. "We do love you, Bella. I can only imagine what it must have felt like to be abandoned like that, and I'm sorry we put you through this. We all knew Edward was making a mistake, but…" He paused, and suddenly I wasn't sure if I wanted him to continue, wasn't sure if I'd like what he had to say. Surely there was a better time for this.

I was a coward.

"But at the time you were his responsibility," Carlisle continued, oblivious to my fears, "and the decision was also his. We thought he'd come to his senses. I realise now that we shouldn't have given in. If we hadn't, things might have been... easier."

"That's it?" I asked. "You never contacted me because you thought he'd change his mind?"

"It's not much of an excuse, and I know that, but it's not supposed to be. It's the facts."

My eyes dropped to the ground, wishing I hadn't asked. I couldn't deny that it hurt, though I knew, at least, intellectually, there was no reason for it. But I couldn't turn off that spark of pain inside my chest, no matter how hard I tried, that little voice in my head that kept insisting that maybe I hadn't meant so much to them after all. It was stupid, but knowing that didn't change how I was feeling.

It was a pity a vampire's psyche worked differently, because I could have used some therapy.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle said, pulling me into an embrace, which I knew now was a rare show of affection for him. I hugged him back just to have something to hold on to. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you."

"I know that," I whispered. "It's just… Maybe it's just too much right now. I have no idea what to do about Victoria, and then there's Edward…" I drew a deep breath. "And I don't really want to be here right now," I said with a quick glance at Alice, who dropped her gaze when our eyes met. "I don't want to meet Rosalie. Not now."

"Well," Carlisle replied, "I can't guarantee that she'll behave, but it's your decision what you want to put up with. Don't let her get to you. She's been difficult since we left Forks. That's not your fault, and don't let her tell you otherwise. It's just the way she is."

I smiled up and him and straightened out of his embrace. "Thanks for saying that."

"It's the truth," he said, smiling as well. Taking my elbow, he led me to where Alice and Jasper were sitting. By now the flight, which had been delayed by almost an hour—we'd been early despite Alice knowing that this was going to happen—had landed, and the passengers came filing through the large doors. Rosalie and Emmett were among the first and while Alice, Jasper and Carlisle went to meet them, I stayed back, hoping they wouldn't notice me immediately. Rosalie's expression didn't bode well. Anger twisted her beautiful features, and she almost instantly reminded me of an avenging angel. I swallowed, fear bubbling up in my stomach.

"It's good to have you back," Carlisle said as Emmett's hand came down on his shoulder by way of greeting. Rosalie, clutching her single bag so hard her knuckles stood out even whiter against her pale skin, didn't say a word. Ignoring both Alice and Jasper, she marched towards the exit, and I braced myself, half expecting my heart to start racing as it always had and finding it unnerving when it didn't. _You can do this_, I told myself, but then Rosalie finally saw me, and my resolve wavered.

She didn't just freeze. She stopped moving so suddenly and completely she might as well have turned into a statue, and her face went equally blank, but her body language spoke for itself. Her bag fell to the ground as her claws went rigid at her side, forming marble claws that could slice through stone. I didn't know if she actually realized she was preparing to attack me, but I didn't care much, and my own body responded to the challenge by slipping so into a defensive crouch ever so slightly. A growl rose in her throat, which caused Carlisle and Emmett to look around, the former alarmed, the latter visibly surprised when his eyes fell on me, even shocked.

I choked an answering growl back down and straightened. Rosalie finally seemed to realise what she was doing, and her body relaxed, but her expression grew murderous, her eyes ablaze with unrestrained fury. I didn't know what exactly I'd expected, but somehow I'd never imagined it like that. I forced myself to meet her gaze levelly, glad my heart could no longer betray me.

"You," Rosalie hissed through clenched teeth, followed by a vicious snarl that almost made me flinch. Jasper and Alice exchanged a quick look while Carlisle covered his face with his hand; he hadn't expected Rosalie to react that strongly. Emmett rolled his eyes, which he probably wouldn't have done if Rosalie hadn't had her back to him, and put his hands on her shoulders in order to calm her down. She tried to shake them off, but Emmett didn't relent. Instead he pulled her closer, a brave thing to do, I thought, since Rosalie looked as if she was about to claw his eyes out.

Still, I couldn't deny the fact that I was glad he was holding on to her. I was beyond glad I wasn't alone with her.

"Bella," Emmett said, a broad grin on his face. "Carlisle told me he had a surprise for us, but I thought it was something along the lines of a new car."

"I hope you're not too disappointed," I replied, managing a small smile. Rosalie snorted, but Emmett ignored her, so I tried to do the same. While I'd never missed Rosalie, I had missed Emmett. He was an uncomplicated as Alice and easy to love, the bigger brother I'd never had.

"Nope," he assured me. "You're a whole lot better than a new car."

Rosalie's lips tightened, and so did Emmett's hands on her shoulders.

"Thanks," I said and was relieved when Carlisle began herding us towards the exist. Alice picked up Rosalie's bag and slung it over her shoulder, because Emmett still hadn't let go of his wife, and winked at me. I glared back at her, which she ignored. Yes, it hadn't gone as bad as it could have despite the potential for disaster Rosalie and me being in the same room held. But that didn't mean I'd enjoyed it, and I hadn't. I couldn't wait to be home. I decided I'd go for a run to release all that pent-up frustration and make use of the fact that I didn't have to leave the state in order to do so anymore.

Unfortunately, Alice had other plans.

"I'll be riding with Jasper," she announced once we were in the garage where I'd parked the Porsche just two spots down from Carlisle's Mercedes. Jasper looked at her uncomfortably, which she pretended not to notice. I didn't realise immediately what that meant, but when I did I barely managed to keep myself from lunging at Alice's throat. Had she lost her mind? My Porsche wasn't big enough for someone like Emmett to fit into, which only left Rosalie or Carlisle, and it was obvious who Alice had in mind. Carlisle seemed doubtful, too, and Rosalie was opening her mouth to protest, but Alice spoke before any of us could say a word, "No," she said, "I'm sorry, but as I told you," she looked at me, her expression that of a teacher who caught one of her students cheating, "you have to learn to get along." Her eyes flickering to Rosalie, she continued, "Bella's part of this family now. Nobody expects you to become friends, but _this_," she gestured first at Rosalie whose teeth were bared, then at me, and I quickly swallowed the growl that was rising in my throat, "doesn't work."

Carlisle sighed. "Alice is right," he said, though it was obvious that he wished he wouldn't have to agree. "With all that's going on right now, we can't afford to be… quarrelling."

"Fine," I said, trying to sit on my temper which was threatening to get the better of me as anger boiled up in my chest. What was Alice thinking? I couldn't believe she'd seen a positive outcome for this, and for some reason, maybe because her expression was a bit nervous, I suspected she hadn't. And she still wanted to go through with this?

Unlocking my car, I slipped into the driver's seat and took a deep breath to calm myself as I waited for Rosalie to get into the car. I couldn't believe I'd agreed to this. I hadn't been angry before, but now I was, because whatever Rosalie was going to say to me, it couldn't possibly be nice. I wanted to scream at Alice for doing this to me when I was already under so much stress, but I ground my teeth together instead, promising myself that I wouldn't talk to her for at least a month.

Rosalie climbed into the car beside me, radiating so much hostility I had to fight the urge to move away from her, at least as far as my seat belt would allow. I didn't know where exactly the Cullens' house was located since I hadn't been there yet and I hoped it wasn't far. Carlisle waved at me as he, Jasper and Alice went to get into his Mercedes. Emmett stuck his head into the car, a sympathetic smile on his face. "See you later, Bella," he said, pecking me on the cheek at which Rosalie bristled—the nerve of him!—before joined the rest of his family.

Rosalie did't say anything as I drove out of the garage. Late as it was, the streets were emptier than they'd been two hours ago, and I stepped on it, the Mercedes quickly disappearing behind me as it wasn't fast enough to keep up with me. I wanted to drop off Rosalie as fast as possibly; every second we spend together was a second I got closer to losing my temper.

"You have to tell me where to go," I said eventually. I didn't particularly like the fact that I had to ask her for directions, but since I'd had plenty of time to ask Carlisle that was entirely my own fault. Rosalie told me rather curtly, then fell silent again. It wasn't until we were already out of Anchorage that she finally spoke. "So," she sneered, her beautiful voice more than hostile, "you're here."

Was I supposed to respond to that? I clenched my teeth together and concentrated on the road more than really necessary.

"I see you've managed to talk someone into changing you, after all."

Whatever I'd expected her to say—it wasn't that. It caught me by surprise so completely I didn't move, didn't even breathe for five seconds, then my hands tightened around the steering wheel, and venom began pooling in my mouth, its taste as bitter and ugly as Rosalie's words.

"How dare you?" I whispered, forcing myself to swallow back the venom. "How dare you even suggest I'd do this to me voluntarily? I was happy. I was as happy as I was going to be without Edward when Victoria changed me. She destroyed my life. I'm a doctor, Rosalie. I specialised in emergency medicine. I haven't entered an ER for almost two years," I decided I'd better not tell her about yesterday's almost accident; it was none of her business, "and I loved my job. Do you know what I do for a living now? I cut up dead people. If I could turn back time, I would." I drew a deep breath. "Believe me, I would. I don't know what I've ever done to you to make you hate me so much, but you have no right to insult me like that."

I didn't know what would have happened if we hadn't reached the Cullens' home by then. I braked so hard the car whined in protest, and Rosalie was out of the car faster than I could blink, slamming the door shut so hard I felt the frame's vibrations in my bones. I yanked the steering wheel around and stepped on the accelerator, and snow exploded in every direction as the car lurched forward, but, unfortunately, none of it hit Rosalie. Backing out of the Cullens's drive, which was enclosed by walls of snow like the Denali's had been, I barely paid attention to my surroundings.

I had to get out of here.

—

I ditched the car barely half a mile from the Cullens' home, driving it so deep into the snow piled up on either side of the road I'd probably have to lift it out later. Slamming the door shut, I started running without paying much attention to where I was going as long as it put as much distance as possible between Rosalie and me. I was aiming for the woods that surrounded the Cullens' home, and I hit the tree line barely half a second after I'd gotten out of the car.

I couldn't believe that she'd actually said what she'd said. How could she even suggest I'd do this to myself? I knew that back in Forks I'd all but begged Edward to change me, but then becoming a vampire had been the only chance to be with him forever. Rosalie had to know that. But maybe she didn't care how and why I'd become a vampire, because the outcome was the same. I wouldn't just go away again, which meant she wouldn't get rid of me ever again, and she just had to hate that fact. If only I knew what I'd done to make her hate me so much. I'd try to make it up to her. I didn't need her to like me, but I didn't want her to despise me, either, not when we had to spend the next few of centuries together.

Deep into the woods, I paused. It was silent, a silence I'd grown accustomed to, as every living being in its right mind skedaddled as fast as it possibly could when I was near. Sometimes I missed the sounds of the forest, or what I'd heard of them as a human, the singing of the birds, twigs cracking and leaves rustling with the movement of the animals living here. The silence was so complete, so unnatural that, in the beginning, I'd found it unnerving. Now, I supposed, I would have found it strange if I _had_ heard something, and I was revelling in the stillness of my surroundings as I tried to sort out my tangled thoughts.

A twig crack not too far away, and I spun around. I saw nothing but hundreds of trees rising into the violet night sky, their branches laden with snow, and the shrubbery surrounding their trunks was dusted with snow, though not nearly half as much, as well. Nothing moved, and the forest lay as silent as before. Only the wind was whispering quietly through the trees.

My body went very still. There was no wind. The trees around me sat unmoving in the darkness, and when I finally recognised the sound for what it was, I'd lost valuable seconds. I inhaled deeply, scenting the air just to confirm it, but they were already pouring out of the trees, two, three, four, _five_ vampires, their eyes crimson red and focused on me. Panic gripped me, and I whirled around as fear whipped through my body. I started running again without thinking about where to go, and this time I was running for dear life.

Five. There were five vampires after me, and there was no doubt about it that they were with Victoria. Why else would the be after me? They were following me, their passage as silent as swift as before but for the quiet sound of wind whispering through the night. Help. I needed help I thought, panic clouding my mind. I couldn't take on five vampires alone. It would be suicide to even try, and I didn't want to die. Not anymore.

I didn't know exactly where I was, had no idea in which direction the Cullens' home lay. I hoped, prayed that Alice had seen that I needed help, but it occurred to me that she would have no idea where to find me; the trees, the bushes, they all looked at same. I griped the base of a tree as I blew past, momentum giving me enough force to shove it out of the ground. It fell against its sisters with a deafening crack, and although they shook alarmingly they held. It didn't matter. It would give Alice something to go on, a place to start. If they had to comb the forest for my trail first, they'd never find me in time.

At least they hadn't split up yet. If they did, if they started herding me, it was only a matter of time until they caught me. Panic blossomed in my stomach once more at the thought, and I forced to move my legs even faster. Suddenly, a horrible thought struck me. What if Alice hadn't seen me? My future had disappeared before. What if it had disappeared again?

"Please," I whispered, my voice trembling with panic. "Please have seen me."

An obstacle appeared in front of me so suddenly I screamed. I sidestepped, momentum carrying me straight into the trunk of a massive spruce. I managed to spin around just before I actually collided with the tree, slammed my foot into the trunk, wood cracking in protest, to launch myself into the air where I flipped around. I landed on the ground, my back to the mangled tree, to face whatever new danger had so suddenly appeared in front of me, but my manoeuvre had taken too long, and all I saw was the tip of a bushy tail disappearing into the trees. The familiar wet dog scent was thick around me, and I almost wept with relief. Jake. It was Jake. He was here to save me. I didn't know how he'd found me or why he'd left Forks, but he was here, and that was all that mattered.

My relief lasted for about a second, then I realised that he was about to engage five vampires all by himself and tore after him, never mind that I probably wouldn't be much of a help. I knew he was good, but even he couldn't take on five vampires at the same time without the help of his pack.

Jake had caught them by surprise. He'd sunk his teeth into one of them, a female, her curly black hair like a halo around her beautiful face which was twisted with rage and pain and fear, and was shaking her violently. The other four were keeping back, growling and snarling, but quite obviously confused and unsure of what to do. Clearly, they didn't want to find themselves on the receiving end of Jake's serrated teeth, but leaving didn't seem to be an option for them either. Seeing me, however, they made up their mind. I was their primary target, the one they were after obviously they were not to be deterred by the fact that one of their own was being torn apart by a wolf the size of a pony.

Coming to Jake's aid hadn't been the best idea I'd ever had.

I whirled around and took off again, but this time I wasn't fast enough. One of them, a male with fierce red hair that was just a few inches too long to look good, closed his hand around my arm and yanked me back, hurling me to the ground. I was on my feet again before they could close in on me, but it didn't do me any good. I was outnumbered, and the fact that the female Jake was fighting wasn't looking too good didn't seem to impress them very much. The redhead leapt onto my back from behind, the force of impact slamming me into the ground again. I snarled in consternation. His arms closed around my chest like iron clamps and, finally, instinct took over. Bending my knee, I brought it up hard, and the redhead gasped. Apparently, the part of my brain that wasn't busy fighting for its life noted, vampire men were just as sensitive south of their belt as human men were. I used his distraction to free myself out of his grasp, spun around and aimed at his chest. Dancing backwards, he neatly evaded my kick. I crouched, every muscle in my body coiled to spring and rip out his throat, but I was seized from behind once more, and this time the hands that dug into my shoulders like claws didn't let go again. I snarled. Jake's head snapped around, and he let go of the mangled female and launched himself at the red-haired male. He staggered under Jake's weight, but I didn't have time to watch. I couldn't move, the three remaining vampires holding on to me, restraining me. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as I tried to twist out of their grip, but the pain passed so suddenly I wasn't sure I'd really felt it, at least, until I managed to glance down.

I screamed. My arm, my _arm_ was lying on the ground a few feet away from me. My _arm_ had been torn off. My arm had been torn off. Panic engulfed me once more as I realised that my other arm was being twisted in its socket as well, and I tried to tear it out of the vampire's grip, but he was much, much stronger than I was. I heard Jake growl, then yelp, and I knew we were losing, and yet I couldn't think of anything other than my arm lying in the snow, its fingers flexing spastically.

Suddenly, I was free again. I blinked in confusion as my remaining arm swung around to snap back in its proper position, my brain, still clouded with panic, refusing to work properly. It took me several seconds to figure out what had happened, and by then it was almost over.

The cavalry had arrived after all.

Emmett had come to Jake's aid, and the redhead he'd been fighting unsuccessfully lay motionless in the snow, huge chunks of flesh missing. Jake stood crouched over the remains, clearly favouring his left side, but at least he was alive. Turning my head, I found Alice and Carlisle restraining one of the vampires, another female, who'd held me down while Jasper was getting rid of the second, disassembling him so efficiently I was sure he'd done that many, many times before and adding the pieces to a growing pile on the ground. It was already on fire, and violet smoke rose into the air, its burning smell revolting.

The vampire who'd tried to tear me apart was nowhere to be seen.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked gently. He'd crouched down beside me, his arm almost touching my remaining one.

"Yes," I managed to say, my voice shaking. I glanced at the arm in the snow, the sleeve of my coat and shirt still attached to it. It felt surreal, seeing my arm lying there, especially because I could still _feel_ it, much like an amputee who could still feel his missing limb weeks after its removal. I swallowed.

"I killed the vampire who ripped it off," Edward told me very matter-of-factly. Looking up at him. I saw that he was smiling, but there was an almost feral edge to his smile and his eyes were hard and cold. "I hope you don't mind."

"No," I replied quietly. "I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad they're all dead," I added, glancing at the pile of vampire remains; the flames licking devouring it were just as purple as the smoke they produced.

"Well," Edward said, "we didn't kill them all." Following his gaze, I saw that the female Alice and Carlisle captured had been handed over to Emmett, who'd closed his massive hand around her arm. She was a tiny, fragile little thing with black hair almost to her waist, which made her look even smaller. Raising her head, she met my gaze, and her eyes blazed.

Edward snarled, responding to something inside the girl's mind, and she shrunk into Emmett's grip, eyes dropping to the ground in submission.

I drew a deep breath. I was safe, for now at least. "Thanks for coming," I whispered. Edward put his arm around my shoulders, pressing me briefly against his chest. I didn't protest, too shaken by what had just transpired, and I found that I was glad that he was here, glad that he was holding me, at least for now.

"We'll always be there for you," he replied. "I'm sorry it took us so long, but somewhere along the way your future disappeared again and we had to find your scent first. By the way, Alice thinks you're right."

"About what?"

"That your future disappears because of the wolves." He nodded at Jake, who'd limped over and parked himself beside me, a huge concession his part, because it brought him within Edward's reach, and if there was a vampire Jake hated even more than Victoria, then it was definitely him. At Edward's remark he raised his head, and although I wasn't very good at deciphering canine facial expressions it was obvious to me that he didn't care much for anything Edward had to say.

Well, no surprise there.

"Thanks to you, too," I said and gently stroked the fur between his ears where it was softest and almost felt like silk. "If you hadn't shown up, I'd be dead. Are you alright?" I peered at his injured side. I wasn't a vet, but I thought that his left hind paw stuck out from underneath his body in a very weird angle.

Jake shrugged in dismissal, trying to convince me that he was fine. Prodding him in the side with my good arm, however, he flinched visibly. "Sorry," I said, dropping my arm to my side again. "I'll take a look at it later. Do you think you can phase?"

"He won't phase as long as I'm around," Edward said quietly. Realising I was still curled up against his chest, I straightened, and Edward's arms fell away. I almost sighed in relief. I didn't want to him to think that I'd forgiven him so soon, because although I was grateful for his presence, more grateful than I cared to admit, I hadn't forgotten what he'd done. I didn't know if I ever could.

Jake growled to emphasise Edward's words.

"Fine," I said quickly. "We'll figure something out."

"Here," Alice said and held out my arm, having scooped it up as if it was a piece of wood, "don't forget your arm." Narrowing my eyes at her cheerful tone, I glanced up. Her smile vanished almost instantly and was replaced by embarrassment. "Sorry," she muttered, but she didn't elaborate on what exactly she was apologising for. There were a few things I could think of I'd like an apology for from Alice.

"Alright," I said, gingerly taking my arm although I had no idea what to do with it, "let's do this."

_At least_, I thought, I_'m alive. For now anyway_. Because Victoria wouldn't give up until I was dead, of that I was sure. She'd amply demonstrated how far she was willing to go, that she'd stop at nothing to get what she wanted. There was no telling how many more people she'd turned, how many more lives she'd destroyed in order to kill me, and there was nothing we could do to stop her. With Alice blind, we had no way of knowing what she'd do next. She hadn't seen me being ambushed until it was almost too late, otherwise she'd have warned me. If Jake hadn't shown up when he had, they'd never have gotten here in time.

And next time there might nobody be there to save me.


	17. Lead

**A/N**: Finally, the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all the reviews I got and, of course, thanks to those who added my Story to their Favourite Stories List and me to their Favourite Authors List.

I have a little task for you! Writing "Lifelines" from different POVs, I've been trying to make them sound different, because, clearly, Bella isn't Edward and wouldn't express herself like he does. I think I did a pretty good job, but I might be totally wrong (I'm biased, after all), and that's what I'd like to know from you. Do you think there's a different between those two POVs, in the way they're written I mean?

P.S Any ideas what I should do with the girl? (You'll know what I'm talking about once you've reached the end of the chapter.) I thought about keeping her, but lying in bed last night, I decided that that isn't really an option. At least that's what I think. Any opinions on the matter?

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing!

17. LEAD

EDWARD

Transporting Jacob back to Bella's house proved to be a problem, not so much because he was too heavy for us to carry him, but because he refused to let anyone but Bella touch him. Being able to read his mind, I couldn't blame him for that much as I wanted to, for his distrust of vampires was ingrained deeply in his DNA, and he was perfectly willing to accept the fact that his leg would have to be re-broken later if it set wrong now, and it was already mending.

In the end it was Emmett's idea that saved the day after Bella had tried talking him into letting Emmett and her carry him—she was afraid she'd hurt him if she tried to lift him without assistance—for over half an hour. I'd briefly considered knocking him out, which would have made things easier for all of us, but I figured that Bella wouldn't have been very happy about that, and as I was trying very hard to avoid doing anything that might upset her, I discarded the idea without ever even suggesting it.

With Emmett gone to fetch the pickup truck we'd acquired only recently, and a plastic sheet in order to carry Jacob to the street without touching him, Bella, the wolf—_mutt_ was what I'd have preferred to call him, but I was fairly certain Bella wouldn't like that either, so I didn't, not even in the privacy of my mind—and I were alone, and I was feeling very uncomfortable, to say the least. I didn't need Jasper to tell me that Jacob hated my guts, although he _had_ pointed it out to me, before he, Alice and Carlisle had taken the female we'd captured back to the house for questioning. I didn't like him much either, though I supposed that was to be expected since he still thought of Bella as his, and I was honest enough to admit that I was jealous even though I knew that Bella loved me.

Emotions, I thought, trying very hard not to listen too closely to what was going on inside Jacob's head, were a curious thing, but as he'd been there for Bella when I hadn't, I sat on my jealousy instead of acting on it. It wouldn't have been very gentlemanly to kill Bella's saviour, and he had saved her, for we never would have gotten to her in time. If we'd been faster, if I'd been faster, we might have been able to stop the vampire I'd torn into very little pieces from ripping her arm off, too. At one time or another every one of us had lost a limb or two—even Esme, though that had been an accident—but I'd have preferred to spare Bella the experience; she kept brushing her fingers over her left shoulder, almost as if to make sure her arm was still where it belonged.

Leaning against a tree with my arms folded in front of me, I listened to Bella quietly speaking to Jacob, telling him what had happened since she saw him in Forks a few days ago, but she never even once asked him what he was doing here, probably because she wasn't sure if he was fine with me knowing. I was fairly certain he wouldn't have been, and so I didn't tell her that I already knew, having picked that piece of information out of his head though he was trying not to think about it very hard indeed.

Emmett returned exactly fifteen minutes after he had left, carrying a dark green plastic sheet Esme had used to winterise the flower beds back in Virginia. I wasn't sure it would carry his weight, but when I voiced my concerns, Emmett just grinned and said, "That's why I brought two."

All of us were glad when we had Jacob settled in the truck's bed an hour later—carrying him through the forest had been difficult because of his size; there were no service roads we could have used, and the trees stood too close together to allow easy passage—with Bella beside him, his head in her lap. I managed to keep my face even as I climbed into the cab with Emmett. "How are things going?" I asked, trying to distract myself. It didn't work particularly well.

"Jasper and Carlisle've taken her to the Denali's place," Emmett replied as he manoeuvred the truck through the snow as carefully as possible; neither of us would have minded being jostled about, but Jacob was in pain, his broken bones having set wrong, and Emmett was trying to be nice. "Rose threw a fit when Carlisle asked her to look after the kid for a while." He sighed. "Alice shouldn't have brought her to the airport."

"I told her it wasn't a good idea," Bella said before I could answer. Jacob grumbled a question at her, trying, as I had before albeit for different reasons, to distract himself; the pain in his leg and hip was beginning to become unbearable, even for him. "I don't think you've ever met Rosalie," Bella told him. "Let's just say that she doesn't like me much."

Jacob snorted, and so did Emmett, because it was obvious that the feeling was mutual. _I love her_, Emmett thought, not without resignation, _but, boy, she's as stubborn as they come_. "Did she say anything, you know, mean?" he asked out loud, knowing that his wife was entirely capable of doing such a thing. Restraint wasn't Rosalie's strong suit. She'd amply proven that in the past.

"No," Bella said quickly, a little bit too quickly maybe, but her voice was even, and since I wasn't able to read her mind I couldn't be sure that she was lying. Rosalie's thoughts had been muddled and consumed by fury when she'd attacked me earlier, so I hadn't been able to find out if, and about what, they'd talked in the car.

Knowing Rosalie, however, it couldn't possibly have been nice.

_You think the vampire kid knows anything?_ I turned my head, surprised. Jacob hadn't addressed me since we'd come to Bella's aid, and I hadn't expected him to. He was grateful we'd saved him—as was he grateful that we were transporting him back to Bella's, because he'd never have made it on his own—but that didn't change the way he felt about us, and particularly about me. Curiously, his reason for behaving was the same as mine: Bella. Jacob knew that she'd jump down his throat if he so much as growled at me. He wasn't entirely sure why, but then he'd never been able to figure her out.

"That's a very good question," I replied. Emmett raised an eyebrow, and I quickly added, for his and Bella's benefit, "Jacob just asked me if we believed the vampire we captured might know anything useful."

"Do we?" Emmett asked. Bella didn't say anything at all. Instead, she proceeded to stroke Jacob's head, not as oblivious to his pain as he hoped. Then again, she was a doctor and would know how much bones that had set wrong would hurt.

"Alice does," I said although that wasn't exactly true. Alice _hoped_ she did, and there was a big difference between Alice knowing and Alice hoping. Personally, I didn't think that any of the vampires who'd attacked Bella tonight knew anything about why they'd been ordered to kill her, but since my ability was limited to only knowing what someone was thinking at a specific moment, I couldn't be certain.

They'd all been very focused on the task at hand.

Emmett grunted. Jasper was our family's strategist, which meant that Emmett didn't care what we were going to do with that female. As long as he was the one who got to kill her, of course—and he was certain it would come to that—Emmett being who he was.

"Was Esme home?"

"Yeah," Emmett replied, frowning. "Carlisle should have called her, though, and told her that they'd bring a, um, guest. You know how stuff like that upsets her. Especially, since Carlisle made it clear that we'd probably have to kill her."

I sighed as I saw Emmett's recollection, Esme even paler than usual, her lips pressed together in a tight line; she clearly didn't agree with out plan, and when Emmett left she'd been trying to persuade Carlisle to keep the girl alive, no matter what we'd learn during our interrogation. While Carlisle was as compassionate as Esme and didn't like to waste a life, he also knew a threat when he saw one, and even though the girl wasn't able to harm any of us physically—not even Bella, who clearly had no idea how to defend herself aside from what her instincts told her, and they hadn't done a very good job tonight—she might still go straight back to Victoria if we set her loose. And we couldn't afford that.

"She'll understand," Emmett said, interpreting my sigh correctly. "She'll have to."

"I'm sorry," Bella said very quietly from the bed of the truck. Jacob lifted his head to look at her, the only movement that didn't cause him—much—pain, and through his eyes I saw Bella's distraught expression. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"It's not your fault," Emmett and I said almost simultaneously, and Jacob agreed as well; we all knew whose fault it was. If someone was to blame for this, then it was me. If I hadn't allowed Bella to enter my world, then none of this would have happened. She would never have had to be rescued from James. She would never have become a vampire seven years later. And Victoria wouldn't be holding a grudge against her if I hadn't killed James, and that was why we were in this mess in the first place.

"Still, everything she's done so far she's done because of me." Her voice was barely audible. Jacob nudged her with his muzzle, wishing he could phase back, but that was out of the question until his bones had been set correctly. He'd give her a piece of his mind, however, once he was back in his human form, and I agreed wholeheartedly with everything he planned to say to her, which I couldn't say, because it wasn't my place. "She killed those women and children and she changed at least five people, four of which are now dead. And that girl's going to die, too."

Emmett open his mouth to tell her the same thing that Carlisle had told Esme, that she was a threat, but Bella cut him off before he'd even formed the first word.

"I _know_ she's a threat, but the girl she used to be doesn't deserve to be put down like an animal." She sighed, frustrated. "I never should have let it get this far."

"And what would you have done?" I asked softly. "Would you have let her kill you?" I turned my head to meet her eyes. She looked back at me, lips pressed together so tight they were almost white. She knew I was right, knew that this was the only thing that would have stopped Victoria.

"I could have told you sooner," she said half-heartedly. "If I had…"

"It wouldn't have mattered," Emmett said, turning back as well. Luckily, he didn't have to pay as much attention as a human driver would have. "If I had to guess, I'd say that the vampires who attacked you were a least a few months old. Not past their year-mark, maybe, but they've clearly received some training. We might be quick learners, but nobody gets that good in a few days, especially not a newborn vampire who hasn't learned how to control his instincts because he's still so new to this life that virtually everything's a distraction. She's been planning this for some time."

"Emmett is right," I said. I wished I could reach out to her, comfort her, tell her that none of this was her fault, but I couldn't. Instead I turned back, looking outside into the night. The landscape was flashing past at an incredible speed, Emmett paying no attention to the speed-limit whatsoever. He never did, and since it was almost two in the morning by now and the road empty, it didn't matter. It had begun snowing again a while ago as well, thick flakes that would have made it impossible to see for a human, and even Emmett squinted a little, though that was more out of habit, not because it actually helped him see better.

Jacob grunted his assent, and Bella sighed again. "Alright," she said bitterly, "you're right. It's not my fault. Victoria's just plain evil, and nothing I did or didn't do could have changed what she's done."

"That about sums it up," Emmett said, smiling sympathetically.

"We have to stop her," Bella whispered after a while. We'd almost reached her house by then; just one more block and we were there, and then we'd have to figure out how to get Jacob out of the truck and through the door.

"We will," I promised her. Emmett nodded grimly, and Jacob pressed his muzzle against her shoulder to show his support and his love.

For once, vampires and werewolf were in complete agreement.

—

In the end Jacob had to walk a few steps because there was no possible way we would get him through the door, and while I didn't particularly like him, it was hard and almost painful to watch him limp up the stairs, his hip twisted, his left hind-leg dragging behind. Bella's face was expressionless as she watched Jacob's progress, but at least I thought—hoped—that worrying about her friend had driven Victoria from her mind, if only temporarily. Jacob collapsed just behind the door, lying splayed out on the wooden floor, unable to move. Bella was instantly by his side as he drew deep, ragged breaths, and even that was painful for him.

Emmett looked at me, uncertain. He wanted to help, but Jacob's warning against touching him was fresh on his mind, and the memory of him tearing at that vampire still vivid. He didn't want to lose a hand in the process, his willingness to help mistaken for hostility.

"Alright," Bella said eventually in a no-nonsense voice I'd never heard from her before, "I can't get you into the living-room myself. Emmett has to help me."

Jacob growled, his chest rumbling; he even curled his lips back, exposing razor-sharp teeth.

"I think that's a no," I said unnecessarily.

Emmett snorted, and Bella glared at both of us before she focused on Jacob's predicament once more. "Fine," she snapped, "we'll wait until you're passed out then." She sat back, folding her arms in front of her chest as she leaned against the wall. The look on Jacob's face was priceless. He hadn't anticipated Bella to turn against him. He whined softly and put his big paw against Bella's thigh like a puppy that didn't know what his owner was suddenly angry with him. It was almost comical to watch, and Emmett had to duck outside to keep Bella from seeing his broad grin. As she wasn't stupid, however, she knew exactly why he'd gone outside, at least judging by her expression.

Jacob whined again, dropping his head on his paws, as he finally gave his consent. He felt that Bella had betrayed him, but his thoughts weren't coherent anymore, clouded by pain; he was, indeed, on the verge of passing out and he did barely a minute after Bella and Emmett had carried him into the living-room and put him down on the blanket I'd fetched from her spare bedroom.

Bella sighed, clearly relieved. "Thanks," she said, smiling at Emmett, a smile that disappeared when her eyes settled on my face. "Thanks," she said again, more quietly. "For saving my life. If you hadn't gotten there in time, Jake and I'd both be dead."

"You're very welcome," Emmett said, pulling her into an embrace that swept her of her feet, which missed Jacob's head by an inch and surely would have broken it if they'd made contact. Emmett quickly put her down again, abashed. "Sorry," he muttered, a word not even Esme got out of him more than once a year, and Bella laughed.

"Will you manage?" I asked, jerking my chin at the unconscious wolf. He was out for good, didn't even stir when Bella bent down and touched his hip.

"I think so," she said slowly as her fingers slid over the bone, assessing its new position. "I sat in on a few vet classes," she added almost sheepishly. "Jake's not exactly careful. I had to set his bones before."

"Good," Emmett said. "Then we'd better leave."

"Yes," I said, not happy about having to leave her, even though I knew that I couldn't stay. When she clung to me in the forest, I'd almost forgotten that there was no longer an 'us', that maybe there'd never be an 'us' again. Seeing her crouched above Jacob, however, it became only too clear again. I could have helped her; I had two medical degrees after all. But she hadn't asked for my help, and so I didn't offer it, afraid she'd turn me down. That, I wouldn't have been able to bear.

"Will you call me when you've questioned the girl?" she asked, looking at me for just a moment.

"Yes, of course."

She smiled, and then Jacob was in the centre of her attention again. Emmett and I left quietly, and we didn't speak until we were in the car and on our way home. Bella's neighbour was still sound asleep, just as she'd been when we arrived. If she had been awake, it would have made the task of getting Jacob inside unseen indefinitely more difficult.

"You think he'll be alright?" Emmett asked. He liked Jacob, much to my surprise and his own, but then Emmett simply couldn't _not_ admire someone whose fighting skills matched his own, so I should probably have expected that. Maybe he'd even manage to convince Jacob that not all vampires were evil and had to be killed—although he didn't want to rip my head off because I was a vampire, but because I'd hurt the woman he loved—which would certainly make things easier since Jacob planned to stay. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. He couldn't go back. I briefly wondered what Bella would say to that, then what I'd kept locked up tight in a tiny corner of my mind suddenly broke to the surface, and my body tensed. I couldn't breathe, my lungs no longer responding to my brain's commands. Emmett looked at me, startled, asking me what was wrong.

I didn't answer him. I didn't care.

I could have lost her. I'd lost her once and I knew I wouldn't be able to bear losing her again. Even if she didn't take me back, I would at least know that she was alive and well and as happy as she possibly could be. But tonight she'd almost died.

We'd left in a hurry. Carlisle had called Emmett as we raced through the forest, the fear of losing Bella heavy in all of us. Alice hadn't been sure where she was, the forest looking all the same to her and without any markers she could have used to pinpoint Bella's position. If Bella hadn't yanked that tree out of the ground, the last thing Alice had seen before her future had faded once more, we'd have had to search for her scent first, and then it would have taken us forever to find her. I could barely describe what I'd felt, the unbelievable relief, when we found her alive, if injured.

I could have lost her so easily.

"Bella's fine," Emmett said, unusually perceptive. "We'll protect her. Victoria won't get a chance like that again."

"I hope you're right," I whispered. "I wish Alice could see her."

"Why can't she, anyway?" Emmett asked, frowning.

"I'm not exactly sure _how_ she does it," I replied bitterly, "but I know _why_ she knows how Alice's visions work. Victoria enlisted the help of her 'friend' Laurent, who spent some time with the Denalis. I understand he and Irina were very close. He must have told Victoria everything he learned there."

Emmett cursed silently, imagining all the possible ways he could have killed Laurent if the wolves hadn't gotten to him first. He regretted that; he would have loved to help them.

"Let's hope the girl knows something useful," I said after a while, "because if she doesn't…"

"…then we're back where we started," Emmett grimly finished for me.

—

We drove straight to the Denalis' house where the rest of our family was waiting for us. I could hear the girl in the basement, alternating between sobbing and cursing Alice, Jasper and Eleazar, who were with her and who refused to listen to her pleas to let her go. Esme and Carlisle were sitting outside on the patio, Esme curled against her husband's chest. She'd eventually accepted the necessity of killing the girl after we were done with her, but she wasn't happy about it, and Carlisle was contemplating taking her home even though he wanted to be here for the interrogation.

_I don't want to see her suffer_, he said unhappily after inquiring about Jacob's condition. I_ don't want to kill the girl either, but it's entirely possible that it'll come to that._

I didn't go outside, knowing that seeing me would upset Esme even more. Emmett had gone to find Rosalie, who—according to Kate—was still furious that she'd been asked to take the girl here with Alice and Jasper.

"Rose doesn't like her, does she?" she asked as we climbed down the stairs into the basement, Irina nowhere to be seen and Tanya and Carmen gone to comfort her. I gathered she wasn't quite over Laurent yet, despite what he'd done to hurt our family. I was glad our cousins had accepted Bella so easily, especially Irina, who could have hated her for what had happened to Laurent. It hadn't been Bella's fault, but Irina could have chosen to ignore that.

"No." I sighed. "Rose has always felt very strongly about our relationship. At first it was because

she thought of Bella as an intruder. I think she would have gotten used to that eventually, but later when Bella repeatedly asked me to change her… Well, you know Rose's history. And after they left Forks and I left them, she started hating her for breaking our family apart. That wasn't Bella's fault. It was mine. I decided to leave her. Bella didn't want me to go, even tried to talk me out of it. I wish Rose could accept that. They don't have to become friends, but Bella's part of our family now. They're sisters. Neither of them particularly likes that notion, I think, but Bella's got other things on her mind right now than worrying about that. Rose, however, hasn't."

"I see," Kate replied. "Well, I hope for your and Bella's sake that she'll come around eventually. Maybe the two of you just have to talk to her again. After you've sorted out whatever problem you have," she added, recalling my sudden disappearance last night. Had that really been only last night? So much had happened since then. It felt like days, if not weeks.

"I'm working on that," I said curtly because I didn't want to go into that particular problem with Kate. I knew her well enough to know that she'd disapprove of what I'd done, and I was feeling bad enough as it was. I didn't need Kate to rub it in. Besides, I needed to focus on the girl. Being able to read her mind was no guarantee for getting all the information we needed, provided the girl knew anything at all.

"Good." Kate smiled as she opened the door, then closed it again once we'd entered the little room. It had no windows because it was underground, and the furniture, if there had ever been any, had been removed. The girl sat huddled together on the floor in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around herself, her black hair falling across her shoulders like a velvet curtain, half obscuring her face. She didn't look up, but she recognised me, and fear began trickling into her mind. Alice, Jasper and Carlisle stood around her, prepared to catch her should she attempt to escape. Apparently, she'd done so repeatedly and had only given up just now. She wasn't an idiot. She knew what we were going to do with her once we were finished and she didn't want to die. I sat on my sympathy, not inclined to allow it to cloud my judgement. Yes, the girl she used to be didn't deserve to be killed, but she wasn't that girl anymore. She was a vampire and she was dangerous. We couldn't let her go.

_How's the wolf?_ Alice asked, distracting me. She still hadn't decided whether she liked him or not. He was a wolf, after all, and she was still a little peeved that his presence caused her visions to blur.

I nodded slightly, and Alice, used to communicating with me that way, understood. _Good. Bella would have blamed herself_ forever i_f something had happened to that mutt. Alright, what are we going to do with her?_ She glanced down at the girl. I took a closer look for the very first time. She couldn't be older than fourteen or fifteen. Her clothes were dirty and torn, her hair tangled and knotted. She wasn't a pretty sight, and I felt sympathy stir again. She hadn't been taken very good care of.

"What's your name?" I asked. The girl didn't look up, only pulled her arms tighter around her tiny frame, but nobody seemed to have warned her that she'd have to guard her thoughts. Her name flickered across the surface of her mind, followed by the bitter realisation that she wasn't the girl she'd been, wasn't Freya LeBlanc anymore, a girl who apparently had loved horseback riding and walking her Irish Setter Blueprint—what a name for a dog!—and had three little sisters.

_What is she thinking about?_ Jasper asked as her pain about, and the longing for, all she'd lost registered with him, a pain and longing so deep it reverberated through every cell in his body.

I decided I'd have to go about this differently than I'd originally planned, so I sat down in front of her, much to my family's—and the girl's—surprise. "I'm Edward," I said gently. That didn't ring a bell, so she hadn't been told about us, at least not specifically. "Freya's a beautiful name."

She glanced up, her crimson eyes wide with surprise and fear. "How do you know my name?" she asked in an uncertain voice, the first thing she'd said since she was brought here, at least according to Alice and Jasper.

"I also know that you have an Irish Setter called Blueprint," I continued, watching her eyes widen with every word I said, "and three little sisters. You miss them, don't you?"

She swallowed, all defiance suddenly gone. "Yes," she whispered, her voice rough with tears she couldn't shed, "I miss them. I miss my parents, too. I wish I hadn't run away." Her tiny hands clenched to fists. "I wanted to go back to them, but Adam said I couldn't." Images flashed up in her mind. A vampire with black hair, big and burly, not unlike Emmett. A wooden shack with no roof to speak of and reeking of mould. The vampires we'd killed tonight, all four of them and all older than her, physically at least.

"Who's Adam?" I asked.

"He trained us," she explained, sitting up straighter now that she was convinced we wouldn't hurt her, not now anyway, not as long as she answered my questions. "And he brought us food." At that recollection she swallowed again, dinging her fingers even deeper into the fabric of her ruined shirt as she tried to fight the flames suddenly surging down her throat, and my hands involuntarily rose to my throat as well. It had been so very long since I last had human blood, but I'd never forget the taste that was pure life. "And he punished us when we didn't obey," she added in a whisper, no longer looking at me.

I ground my teeth together to keep the hiss rising in my throat from escaping, and Alice and Jasper shot me a startled look. Hurting a vampire, causing him real pain, wasn't an easy task, and the only thing even remotely painful was losing—and reattaching—a limb, and from what I saw inside Freya's mind, Adam, if that was even his real name, had done so with pleasure, tearing chunks out of vampires he was training for a battle they didn't even want to fight whenever they refused to follow his orders or didn't live up to his expectations. I briefly wondered why they hadn't killed him—Adam, even if he looked like a prize boxer at the height of his career, would have stood a snowball's chance in hell against five newborn vampires—but as more and more images entered Freya's mind, I understood why they hadn't.

They'd been trained to kill, and whenever they'd appeared to be getting closer as a group, Adam had intervened, punishing them for that, too, and when Freya had run away he'd dragged her back screaming and torn off her legs. She'd done as she was told after that.

"I'm sorry," I said, causing her to glance up, surprised this time.

"For what?"

"For what Adam did to you. You didn't deserve that."

She shrugged. "It wasn't that bad," she said, oblivious to the fact that I knew how bad it had been, how much she and the others had suffered just because Adam, without doubt acting on Victoria's orders, had needed them.

"Do you know why you'd been ordered to kill Bella?" I asked, though I doubted that Adam had told them anything aside from what they needed to know in order to accomplish their goal. Maybe he hadn't even known himself.

"Is that her name?" Freya asked, frowning. "No, he didn't tell us. He just told us that we had to kill her if we wanted to live. He told us that if we failed we'd all die. And I didn't want to die," she added in a small voice, looking at me uncertainly as she suddenly remembered that it was entirely possible that we'd kill her after all. "He brought us out into the forest and told us to wait. I didn't know how he knew she'd be there. It all went according to plan, at least until that gigantic wolf showed up. It tore Michaela to shreds within seconds, and it'd have killed Todd, too, if he hadn't gotten in a lucky swipe and broken a few bones and then… Well, and then you showed up." She shuddered at the memory, at the feeling of helplessness when she realised that she'd failed, that she was going to die.

"Where did he keep you?" Jasper asked.

Freya looked up at him, uncertain, and glanced at me before she answered, very slowly, "In a cabin out in the woods. I could lead you there," she added hopefully, knowing that would prolong her life for at least a little while.

_Are we going to kill her?_ Alice asked as we marched up the stairs, a curious procession with Freya in the middle and the rest of us around her, in case she tried to escape again, unlikely but not impossible.

I shook my head once, and she breathed a quiet sigh of relief. I didn't think that Freya was a threat because she didn't feel particular loyal towards Adam, which made it unlikely she'd go back to him once we set her free. I'd tell her when we got back.

_Esme will be happy_, Alice said, then leapt up the rest of the stairs to call Bella as we'd promised. Freya moved closer to my side. I didn't know why she'd decided to trust me—after all, she would have clawed my eyes out only two hours ago if I'd left her—but she did, maybe because I'd been kind to her when everyone else, especially Adam and two of the other vampires who'd been stronger because they were younger, had treated her like scum. I was glad I'd taken that approach. Freya even put her hand in mine, an action so childlike I suddenly wondered if maybe she was much, much younger than fifteen. I'd have to ask her how old she was before we let her go, and if she was too young to control herself when she was among humans we might have to kill her after all.

"How's the wolf?" Alice asked, temporarily distracting me. We'd reached the top of the stairs, and Freya, Jasper and Eleazar followed me into the living-room where Alice sat on the sofa, her black phone pressed against her ear.

"He's asleep," Bella replied. "I re-set his bones, but he's still in pain. It'll take at least two days for them to heal completely. Any news about Victoria?"

"Maybe." Alice smiled at Freya, whose answering smile was timid. "We have a lead. We'll pick you up in about half an hour."

"I don't want to leave Jake alone," Bella said. "I wish I had pain killers his body doesn't burn off in less than fifteen minutes. I'd like to be there if he wakes up."

"I'll bring a batch of morphine," Carlisle said, entering the living-room with Esme on his heels; she looked considerably happier than she had before I'd questioned Freya, and she looked at the girl with open curiosity, her face friendly and inviting.

Bella sighed, clearly relieved. "Thanks, that'd be great. Still, I'm not sure…"

"I'll stay with him," Kate offered, appearing in the doorway, and Bella fell silent. "I've never seen a werewolf before, and he's injured, right, so he won't be able to jump me, will he?"

"I don't think so," Bella replied, uncertain.

"Well, it's settled then." Kate grinned even though Bella couldn't see her. "I'll see you later."

"Thanks," Bella said, the only thing she could say, though judging by her voice she wasn't entirely happy about that. "I'll see you in thirty minutes."


	18. Shadows

**A/N**: First of all, I'd like to thank KayMarieXW for her input on this chapter—and of course for proof-reading it and removing many, many misplaced commas and shortening my often too-long sentences to a reasonable length!

As for Freya, thank you all so much for your help. I've been able to reach a decision as to what to do with her and I hope you'll like it

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing!

18. SHADOWS

BELLA

"I thought he'd never give his consent," Kate said, sitting at the small kitchen table while I disposed of the syringe and the bag which had contained the morphine. I pulled off the rubber gloves I'd put on out of habit and went to the sink to wash my hands.

"I shouldn't have told him you were coming," I replied, peering out into the back yard as I reached for a towel. "He would have been mad as hell at me afterwards, but at least he wouldn't have broken that leg. Again." I sighed. Jake had woken just after Alice had called. Just as I'd expected, he'd been livid when I'd informed him that while I was gone he was to be babysat by a vampire he neither knew nor trusted. Fortunately, he hadn't been able to phase back yet, because his bones had only just begun to mend, so he'd been limited to growling and snarling. _Un_fortunately, he'd tried to lunge at Kate despite his broken bones, ignoring—or forgetting; you never knew with Jake—the fact that he was way too weak to do anything of the sort. His leg had snapped in half a again, with the sound of a gun being fired. I'd spent the next thirty minutes setting it—again—and talking him into allowing me to give him the morphine. I understood that he didn't relish the thought of being at the mercy of a vampire he'd never met before. I wouldn't have either, but Jake was in pain and he needed to rest. I had a pretty good idea how he would have spent the next few hours if I hadn't sedated him—growling and snarling at Kate, who didn't deserve his hostility. He wouldn't even have considered resting.

In the end he'd given in only because he'd been too worn out to argue and Kate had promised him she'd upstairs in my study until he woke up, which hopefully wouldn't happen for several hours. I still didn't know where we were going. I'd only spoken to Carlisle for a second after they'd arrived, but he'd only repeated what Alice had told me on the phone, that they had a promising lead. All of them had come, even Esme and Rosalie, though the latter didn't seem to be particularly happy about it.

That lead, as it turned out, was the vampire girl who'd helped to hold me down while her comrade had tried to kill me. I hadn't even noticed her at first, tiny little thing that she was. She clung to Edward's arm as if he was her lifeline, looking at me timidly from behind a curtain of velvet black hair. Somebody had brushed and braided it since I last saw her, Alice probably. She wore different clothes as well, a purple shirt and a pair of blue jeans. She didn't look nearly as shabby as I remembered her, but her crimson eyes were strangely disturbing. I stared back at her with very mixed feelings. She wouldn't have been here if Edward wasn't convinced that she was safe to be around. I trusted his assessment, because he would never put me in danger.

I hadn't spoken to him since they arrived simply because I didn't know what to say. I could still feel his arms around me, the strange warmth of his body against mine. I had missed the way he'd held me, had missed being close to him. But even though I'd been glad that he'd been there for me, that he'd saved me, that he'd held me, I couldn't forget that he'd betrayed me. I couldn't forgot how deeply he'd hurt me, hurt us both. I didn't think I ever would, but where did that leave us? What was I supposed to do?

After showing Kate into the study, where she made herself comfortable at my desk, and making sure that Jake was still out cold, I exchanged my ruined clothes for new ones, then went outside to meet the others. Esme, Edward and the child stood at the edge of the yard, Edward pointing out constellations to her; the clouds that had been so busy shedding snow only a few hours before had disappeared.

"It's going to be sunny tomorrow," Alice said, materialising at my side. "You might want to call in sick."

I glanced down at her and her expression was apologetic. I sighed. I had long since forgiven her for forcing Rosalie on me. The attack had put everything into perspective and as I was incapable of holding a grudge anyway, my anger at Alice had faded away when she'd helped me put my arm back on, an experience I didn't care to repeat anytime soon.

"Thanks," Alice said, smiling with none of her usual exuberance. I smiled back at her. "Still, I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. And I should have told Rose, too."

Hearing her name, Rosalie glanced at us, but she quickly looked away again when I met her eyes and I thought I caught a spark of fury in them. Alice didn't look very happy, which made me wonder what she'd seen, but I didn't ask.

I really didn't want to know.

"Bella?" someone asked. It was a voice I'd never heard before.

I turned to find the girl, still flanked by Edward and Esme, looking at me, her little hands clenched to fists and her eyes wide. I could almost taste her anxiety. I suddenly wondered how old she was. Looking at her, she couldn't be older than ten or eleven, still a child, not much older than the children Victoria had killed to hurt me. Why had she changed her? Young as she was, she wouldn't make a very strong vampire. The others who'd attacked me had all been much older than her, at least as far I could tell, having been preoccupied at the time.

"Yes?" I replied gently.

The girl darted an anxious glance over her shoulder at Edward, who gently nudged her forward. I could feel my family's eyes on me as they watched the scene unfold. So could the girl, which didn't exactly put her at ease. She swallowed visibly and opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"What's your name?" I asked eventually, slowly crossing the yard and kneeling down in front of her so I could meet her eyes.

"Freya," she blurted out, stepping back until she came up against Edward's legs. She was barely tall enough to reach up to his waist. He put his hands on her shoulders and that seemed to relax her at least a little, because her voice was calmer when she spoke. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you. I only did as I was told. I am sorry," she whispered, looking down at her feet.

I glanced up at Edward, meeting his eyes for the very since time since his arrival, and he shook his head once in answer to my unspoken question regarding the girl's fate. Looking back at the girl, who was still staring at the ground and kicking up a little snow with the tip of her brown boot, I couldn't help but feel relieved that she wouldn't meet the same fate as her comrades. It wasn't her fault that she'd been ordered to kill me and I probably would have forgiven her even if she hadn't apologised because there was nothing to forgive. She was just a child, a child who'd been turned into a weapon by someone who was blinded by hatred.

"Freya?" I said gently and glanced up at me from underneath her hair which had fallen in front of her face once more. "I am not mad at you. Do you know why you and your friends were told to kill me?"

"They weren't my friends," she replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust and adding, a little sadly, "Adam didn't allow us to be friends. I don't think we would have become friends even if he had, because I was smaller and younger than everyone else and they didn't like me. Adam didn't like me, either, because I wanted to go home and even ran away once. He caught me," she whispered, her already pale face blanching even further at the memory. Edward's grip tightened on her shoulders to comfort her. "He never told us why he wanted us to kill you. He just said that if we didn't do as we were told we'd die. He didn't tell us that we'd die no matter what."

"I am so sorry," I said very softly. I didn't even try to pretend that this wasn't my fault. Everything that little girl had gone through, everything she'd had to endure was my fault. If it wasn't for me, she'd still be at home with her family, would still be alive. It was me Victoria was after, it was me she was trying to get back at. Why did she have to destroy so many lives and hurt so many people in the process?

"Freya says she can lead us to the cabin where Adam kept them," Edward said as I rose to my feet, brushing the snow off my jeans. "Maybe that will lead us to Victoria." Judging by his voice, he didn't believe that for a second, but it was the only lead we had and it was worth checking it out.

"We should leave," Eleazar said, winking at me when I turned. I smiled back at him. "We have to be back before sunrise, which," he pulled a golden, old-fashioned pocket watch out of the front pocket of his shirt, "will be in a little over four hours."

Freya, Esme and Edward took the lead with Jasper directly behind them. Carlisle, Alice, Eleazar and I fell in beside Jasper. Because Freya wouldn't have been able to keep up, we didn't run as fast as we could have and the trees drifted by at an almost leisurely pace. Freya led us away from the city and deeper into the Alaskan wilderness than I'd been before. This far away from any civilisation the air smelled clean and fresh, unpolluted by fumes. I drew a deep, tasting breath, a slight smile on my face and Jasper, who'd been running at my side, chuckled.

"You're happy," he said, grinning a little, and if I could have blushed, I would have.

"Yes," I admitted. "I shouldn't be, not with everything that's going on, but I am. This," I gestured at the trees, the snow and the stars, "makes me happy. I never thought it would, but it does."

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Jasper replied softly. We'd fallen back behind the others. I couldn't see Edward, Esme and the child anymore; they'd disappeared between the trees, but I could still hear their voices as they talked quietly, answering Freya's question about being a vampire. It made me sad that nobody had ever told her what it meant to be immortal, what it meant to be so strong. Guilt for feeling happy when so many lives had been destroyed because of me descended on me almost instantly.

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Jasper repeated quietly, sensing the shift in my mood. "What Victoria has done so far isn't your fault. It's hers and hers alone. She wants revenge because she is suffering, but she has no right to make other people suffer too. You don't have to feel guilty for that. Be happy. You deserve some happiness. You both do," he added after a moment, glancing at me as if to gauge my reaction.

I stared ahead, pretending not to have heard. Did I deserve to be happy? I didn't know. I didn't think I would be able to ever be happy, be content the way I'd been before I was changed, because without Edward there would always be something missing. He'd always been a part of me whether I wanted him to or not. Without him I would never be complete. I knew that, but I also knew that I couldn't forgive him. And how could we ever have a relationship, how could I ever trust him again when his betrayal would always hang between us? I hoped that Jasper didn't expect me to simply forgive his brother. I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Edward to leave me, how hard it was for him now, but I didn't have it in me to feel sympathetic because it had been his decision, his fault.

Jasper sighed. I wondered what he would make of the jumble that were my emotions, and decided that I didn't care. Fortunately, he didn't broach the subject again. Instead the next sentence took me by surprise, although I probably should have expected it.

"You need to learn how to fight."

I made a face. I knew that I couldn't defend myself against someone who actually knew what he was doing. My almost-demise had proven as much. If the Cullens hadn't shown up when they had, I would have died, and I was well aware of that fact. I didn't know why I was so opposed to learning how to fight. I'd lost my clumsiness they day I was changed. I didn't have to worry about tripping over my own feet anymore.

"Yeah, you definitely do," Emmett said, appearing on my other side, which left Rosalie running alone and I saw her spine stiffen. I suppressed a sigh. Why did she hate me so much? What had I ever done to her?

And why did I have to worry about Rosalie when I already had so much on my plate?

"I know," I agreed reluctantly. "I just don't think I'd be good at it."

"Jasper's a good teacher," Alice said, glancing back over her shoulder to smile at me. "And I think you'd be very good at it. Besides," she continued more seriously, "Victoria won't give up and the next time you might be on your own." A frown creased her forehead. "Or maybe not. I have no idea what the mutt—sorry, the _wolf_," she corrected herself when I raised an eyebrow at her in disapproval, "has decided, but your future is all blurry again. Still, Jasper and Emmett are right. Your friend has to sleep, doesn't he?"

"Yes," I replied, frowning as I wondered what Jake had decided. I hoped he didn't expect me to let him tag along wherever I went. I didn't need a babysitter. Well, at least when I was among humans because I doubted that even Victoria would go that far unless she was suicidal. If she was then she would already have made an appearance. It was probably safe to assume that she wouldn't attack me in public. For now.

"…tomorrow night?" Jasper said, and I was jolted back into reality and momentarily away from Victoria just in time to hear Alice say, "I don't think she's listening."

"What?" I asked, and the three of them laughed; even Carlisle turned his head to smile at me.

"Tomorrow night at our place for some training?" Jasper asked, his expression amused.

"Yes," I agreed lamely. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I simply didn't want to learn how to fight because I hadn't been able to adjust my thinking to the fact that I wasn't a vulnerable, uncoordinated human anymore. Imagining myself fighting, I always saw a clumsy girl tripping over her own feet, never the strong, graceful vampire I was now. "I'll be there at sunset."

"Oh no," Alice said suddenly, stopping dead in her tracks. Emmett and Jasper blew past her, doubling back when they realised she was no longer running, but I smacked right into Alice's back when she simply froze in place, having expected her to step out of the way in time. _At least it didn't hurt_, I thought as I picked myself from the ground, brushing snow off my clothes once more. I went to Alice's side. Jasper had wrapped his arms around her, waiting for her to say something. Carlisle, Eleazar and Emmett stood a few feet away, and Rosalie even further. Edward, Freya and Esme were nowhere to be seen.

"What's going on?" I asked, frowning. Alice was looking at Jasper but her eyes were empty, unseeing. She was still caught in whatever vision had caused her to stop.

"It's gone," Edward said, his voice bitter as he, Esme and Freya approached, the latter looking downcast and frightened. The smell of smoke clung to all of them, heavy and bitter. I scented the air almost instinctively, because if there was one thing that was truly dangerous to me, it was fire, but it smelled just as fresh and clean as it had before.

"What is?" Carlisle asked.

"The cabin Freya wanted to show us," Edward explained. Hearing her name, the girl wrapped her arms around her tiny frame and her shoulders slumped. "It's gone. It's been burned to the ground, and the surrounding area as well."

—

Arriving home, the sun had already begun to rise. Kate was waiting for us in the back yard, biting her lip as if to keep herself from laughing, but her amused expression was wiped away by a serious frown the second she laid eyes on us. "It didn't go well, did it?" she asked, looking from me to Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and Eleazar, who'd spent the entire way home talking quietly, making plans. I'd run ahead with Esme, Freya and Jasper, unwilling to listen.

"No, it didn't," I replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Kate said sincerely, crossing the distance between us and wrapping her arms around me. I froze for only a moment, surprised, then leaned into her embrace and sighed. "We knew there was little chance we'd actually find something, but…" She sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do about that now. We'll find her. She'll make a mistake eventually."

"I hope so," I muttered. "How's Jake?"

"He's awake, he's hungry and the food in your pantry sucks," he answered for himself, peering out the back door, which caused every single vampire to look at him, including Freya, who darted instantly to Edward's side when his scent registered with her. "He's also naked," he went on, glaring at Kate, and I suddenly had a very good idea why she'd been so amused earlier.

"I'll go ask Mrs Morris if she can help you out," I replied, glancing at the sky to hide my smile; it was growing lighter by the minute. "I'll see you tonight," I said to Jasper and Emmett, the latter grinning broadly.

I was definitely _not_ looking forward to tonight.

"What's tonight?" Jake asked, frowning.

"I'll tell you when I get back," I muttered and darted around the house after I'd said goodbye, hoping Mrs Morris was already awake. She was and if she was surprised to see me at her door at seven in the morning, asking for her late husband's clothes, she didn't let on.

"I'll see what I can do," she said kindly, frowning down at her cat who kept hissing at me from the safety of the hallway. "Do you need anything else?"

"Food, if you have any," I replied, smiling apologetically. Jake was by no means picky, but apparently he didn't particularly care for eating food reeking of vampire—of sweet bleach as he'd once put it—and I had touched every single item in my pantry.

"I'll see what I can do," Mrs Morris said again, smiling as she patted my arm, and added, "I'll be over in a minute!"

Usually, I would have protested, would have told her that it was too dangerous for her to go outside because the street had disappeared under at least seven inches of snow I hadn't yet found the time to move aside. As it was, however, I just thanked her and hurried back. I slammed the door shut behind me just as the first ray of sunlight brushed across the spruces in my front yard.

"What's tonight?" Jake asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, a large towel wrapped around his waist.

"Jasper thinks I need to learn how to fight," I replied, shooing him back into the living-room so I could have a look at his injuries. "He's probably right."

Jake slumped carelessly onto the sofa. "Yeah, you should. Never thought I'd agree with a vampire—present company excluded, of course—but he's right. They'd have torn you to shreds if I hadn't shown up."

"Yes, thank you so much for reminding me," I replied frostily as I prodded his leg, refraining from pointing out that if the Cullen's hadn't come to our aid, we would both had suffered that fate. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He shrugged. "I phased back before I woke up, which your _friend_," he glowered at me, "found very amusing when she poked her head out of your study to see what was going on."

"I'm sorry," I said, quickly smothering the smile I felt tugging at the corner of my mouth. "I should have asked Emmett to bring something to wear, but at the time I wasn't thinking too clearly." I brushed my fingers over my shoulder, and Jake's expression softened.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine." He smiled. "I'm glad I decided to come and I'm used to people seeing me naked anyway. Who's that?" he asked, jerking his thumb over his shoulder at the front door; a second later the bell rang.

"It's open," I called, already having identified the shuffling, hesitant steps approaching the house as Mrs Morris's. I quickly draped the blanket Jake had lain on over his legs, which caused him to roll his eyes at me. "Be nice," I told him sternly before I went into the hallway to relieve Mrs Morris of her burden, carefully avoiding the sunlight streaming in through the open door.

"If your friend needs more, just give me a call," she told me, a kind smile on her face as always. She handed me two bulging plastic bags, the contents of which smelled strongly of mothballs. "I'll put the food in your kitchen."

"Thank you," I replied, closing the door once she'd disappeared into the living room. I dropped the bags on the stairs without ever touching the clothes inside. Jake would enjoy smelling like a vampire about as much as eating food I'd touched.

"What did you tell her?" Jake asked when Mrs Morris had left again and he'd changed into a blue lumberjack shirt and a pair of brown slacks. "About me, I mean?"

"Nothing," I replied, watching him wolf down—no pun intended—the cake Mrs Morris had brought. "Part of the reason I like her so much is that she doesn't ask questions."

"Nice," Jake said between two mouthfuls of cake. "I told her I'd clear her a decent path down to her mailbox later. That snow's a death trap. It's been snowing for two days back home. You have no idea how many car crashes we've been called to since it started to come down."

"I can imagine," I replied, looking out the window into the sunlit front yard. Alaska had become home to me more quickly than I'd expected and I knew that was because it reminded me of Forks, just without the memories that had haunted me there. "How's Charlie?"

Jake snorted. "As stubborn as you are. I told him what you told me, that he should go see a cardiologist and he nearly ripped my head off for even suggesting that he was getting old. I put Sue on it before I left, though. He listens to her."

"Thanks." I shot him a grateful smile. "How's Billy?"

"Fine," Jake said curtly and grabbed the plate and the empty Tupperware container and carried it into the kitchen. I frowned, suddenly worried. Jake was incapable of cleaning up after himself, usually leaving it for Emily or Leah, depending at whose place he had eaten last. Getting up as well, I followed him into the kitchen and found him up to his elbows in soap water.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing," he said, his back stiff.

"What did Sam say about me coming to Forks?" I asked just as quietly as before. It was a wild guess, but when Jake's shoulders slumped and his hands fell back into the sink with a splash, I knew I'd guessed right. I'd been wondering what Jake was doing here ever since he'd shown up last night. I was grateful that he had and I was glad that I had him back, if only momentarily, because I'd missed him. But I also knew that Sam would never have allowed him to come if Jake had asked for his permission.

"He was pissed," he replied, suddenly sounding exhausted. "Quil and Embry defended my decision, but Sam said that you'd been warned once and that…"

"…you should have killed me," I finished for him, not particularly surprised. Sam and I had never been friends and while the rest of the pack had begun to regard me as one of them, he never had. He put his pack first, had to as their leader, and when I was changed I'd become a threat. I could have promised him a hundred times over that I would never harm any of them—or any of them humans they'd sworn to protect—and it wouldn't have made him change his mind. I was a vampire now and I had to be killed. Sam didn't make exceptions, not for me, not for Jake, who was his second-in-command. Jake had never been able to forgive him for that. It had only been a matter of time until things escalated and my visit seemed to have been the final straw.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, realising what Jake must have done in order to come, what he must given up for me. I knew he should have been the La Push pack's alpha, but he'd never wanted to embrace his birthright, had allowed Sam to take his place instead.

"Don't be," Jake said softly, finally turning around, the sadness in his eyes betraying the lightness in his voice. "It was my choice, and it was about time I made it. And I know I chose right."

—

"Do you want to stay in here all day?" Jake asked, poking his head into my study and bringing with him the smell of cold air and snow. The snow sticking to his boots had already begun to melt, and I could hear the faint trickle of water running over the leather and dripping onto the floor.

"I told you to take them off," I said, narrowing my eyes at the mess he was leaving on the freshly polished wood. Jake stepped out of his boots with a theatrical sigh and tossed them out into the hallway. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the medical journal I'd been reading before he'd interrupted me.

"Are you going to answer my question or what?" Parking himself on the edge of my desk, Jake snatched the journal out of my hands and held it high over his head out of my reach. I glared at him, then launched myself out of the chair like a spring to get it back, Jake obviously having forgotten that I no longer had a human's weak legs. He yelped, quickly stepping aside, and turned around in time to see me put the journal back onto the shelf beside the others. "You're in a shitty mood today," he muttered.

"No, I'm not," I replied, though of course he was right. I just didn't intend to tell him. "I'm just not in the mood to be teased."

"As I said, you're in a shitty mood today," Jake repeated pointedly. "That wouldn't have anything to do with me, would it, because I didn't come all this way from Forks in this freaking weather just so you could lock yourself into your study all day and completely ignore me." He grinned, but his eyes were serious as he looked at me.

I sighed. "No, it doesn't. I'm fine. It's just a bit much right now."

"You're such a bad liar," Jake replied, folding his arms in front of his chest. "Even worse than Charlie."

"Am not," I said sullenly, even though I knew very well that I was. I sat down at the desk again, my back to Jake as I looked out into the back yard. The sun hadn't touched it yet and wouldn't for another few hours. I'd spent what was left of the morning into my study, trying to distract myself by paying bills and, at least until Jake had so rudely barged in, reading some of the journals that had accumulated over the past year. Jake had gone over to Mrs Morris' to clear the snow from her garden path and the pavement on her side on the road. I'd heard her invite him for lunch, and he'd gladly accepted, knowing that he wouldn't find anything edible in my pantry until he'd done some grocery shopping, which he couldn't do because my car was still buried underneath at least a ton of snow. I'd retrieve it tonight.

All in all, I couldn't say that I'd had a pleasant day so far, because every so often I'd catch myself thinking about exactly what I was trying so hard to keep out of my mind. It was hard to shake that sense of desperation that settled on my shoulders whenever I did. I didn't want to burden Jake with my problems when he so clearly had his own.

Besides, I had a pretty good idea what he'd say if he knew that what I kept worrying about the most were my conflicting emotions regarding Edward and not Victoria's schemes, which should have been my priority, and I didn't want to hear it.

However, was able to read me like an open book, had been able to since I'd shown up with two decrepit motorcycles in tow at his place all those years ago.

"It's not just me, is it?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the desk once more. "It's… him."

"Yes," I whispered, knowing who Jake was talking about simply by his inflection of that little word. "It's him," I confirmed.

Jake didn't answer immediately. A detached part of my mind, one that wasn't busy worrying or wallowing, noted this with quite some surprise. Tact wasn't Jake's strong suit and he'd voiced his opinion of Edward rather vigorously in the past. I glanced up to find him staring at me, his lips pressed together in a disapproving line. Fortunately, Jake had long since learned to hang on to his temper. "What did he do?" he said eventually, trying hard to keep his voice emotionless. I was grateful for this because if he'd started to verbally attack Edward, I'd have defended him simply out of habit, even though the reasons for which I'd defended him in the past were no longer valid.

"He told me the truth," I said quietly. When Jake raised both his eyebrows in doubt—he preferred to believe that Edward had been deceiving me from the day we'd met so he could screw with my mind—I added, "All those years I've believed that he left me because he didn't love me anymore, because he'd realised that I had no place in his world, that I wasn't good enough for him, that he'd grown tired of me, maybe even because he'd never really loved me to begin with. But," my voice dropped to a whisper, "I was wrong. He's always loved me. He left because he wanted to protect me, not because he no longer cared about me. He always has."

Jake's hands clenched to fists at his sides, but as his voice was level when he spoke I pretended not to notice. "He claims that he loves you and still he's hurt you so much. How could he have left you if he cared so much about you? I love you, Bells, and if Sam hadn't ordered me to, I'd have never abandoned you like that. I had no choice in the matter, but he had. He _decided_ to leave you. If it was so easy for him to walk away, then how deep could his feelings for you possibly be?"

"You don't understand," I whispered. "I don't doubt his feelings now that I know the truth. A vampire's emotions cannot be compared to a human's. They are so very strong, so consuming. He left because of those emotions, because of his love for me. I've never told you, because I knew how you'd react, but… at my eighteenth birthday party his brother almost killed me. I cut my finger and when Jasper lunged at me, Edward pushed me back into a glass table to get me out of the way. I've had worse as far as injuries go, you know that," I smiled at the blurry memory of me sitting in the ER after my many motorcycle accidents, Jake beside me with a resigned expression, "and I tried to get that into his head, but Edward wouldn't listen. He blamed himself, was afraid that some day I would die because of them, but because he feared for my soul he wouldn't change me either. He left because he wanted me to be safe and he told his family to stay away as well. They didn't want to, you know, but they thought he'd change his mind eventually. If he'd known about Victoria, I'm sure he would have come back. But he didn't, because she somehow manages to escape Alice's visions." Jake was silent, so I continued, "I forgave him for leaving me a long time ago, Jake, because how could I force him to stay with me when he didn't love me? But things are different now that he's told me the truth and I don't know if I'll be able to forgive the lie, if I'll be able to forgive him for hurting us both so much when there was no reason but his own fears. I don't even know if I want to forgive him."

"But you still love him," Jake said softly.

"Yes, I do. I always will." I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees. "I don't know what to do. I know you think that I should forget him, but I can't. My feelings for him will never go away, and it's been so hard…" My voice trailed off. I didn't expect Jake to give me advice on the matter because of his hostile feelings towards Edward, but it felt good to finally be able to tell somebody what had been on my mind for the past couple of days. I could have talked to Alice, of course, but she seemed so set on bringing us back together that I'd decided that I wouldn't.

"Jeez, Bells, I wish you'd never met the guy," Jake sighed, ruffling through my hair.

"If I'd never met him, we wouldn't be friends," I pointed out.

"True," he allowed, "and also you'd be dead already. Still, I wish you'd fallen for someone else. Embry's always liked you."

I rolled my eyes at him. I appreciated his attempt to cheer me up, though, instead of coming down on me for my mixed feelings regarding that mess Edward had gotten us in. Suddenly, I felt relieved, the weight on my chest not gone but noticeably lighter.

"I can't tell you what to do," he said eventually, his eyes serious. "I don't like the guy for what he's done to you, but what I think isn't important. It's your decision. If you want to take him back, by all means be my guest. If you want to tear a few chunks out of him, I'd be happy to help you out there."

I snorted. "Thanks, but I don't think that'll be necessary. Thanks, though, for listening."

"That's what I'm here for," Jake said, smiling, and pulled me out of the chair and into a scalding hot embrace.

—

What did you think about Bella's interaction with Freya?

Which part of this chapter did you like best?

Is there a part that you didn't like?


	19. Biding Time

**A/N: I proudly present … the next chapter! Once again KayMarieXW did an amazing job at proof-reading it. She had so many valuable suggestions as to how to improve it, and it is because of her as well that the fight training session turned out the way it did as I was inspired by her own writing! Thank you! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts!**

**I would also like to thank longtobeme, RoyalRose, poeticallyflawed, who have been with me for several chapters now and review almost every time, and also all the others who keep writing amazing reviews and added "Lifelines" to their story alert and favourite stories lists! Thank you so much!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! Tell me what you think about it!**

**By the way, this story already comprises 147 pages, which makes it the longest story I have ever written. I can't help feel a little proud because usually I give up most projects after a while, lazy creature that I am! **

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer! I only own Freya, Danielle and all the other characters I came up with!**

19. BIDING TIME

EDWARD

Rosalie was in a mood. I didn't know whether it was worse for Jasper, who had to feel and endure the fury that clung to Rosalie, or for me, who had to hear her ugly thoughts. Neither her fury nor her thoughts were directed at anyone in particular, not even at Bella. It was the general situation she wasn't at all happy with, even more so than usual because she knew that this time she wouldn't be able to count on Emmett to support her. He'd made that abundantly clear earlier that night, before we'd left for Bella's.

Rosalie had pitched a fit. This was no surprise, especially not for Emmett, who knew her so much better than the rest of us did. However, this time she'd gone too far, because in demanding Emmett's support she'd asked him to choose her over his family for no good reason. They hadn't exchanged a single word since and while Rosalie was furious that she wasn't his first priority she was also scared. Scared because she was afraid he would leave her, scared because she was afraid he didn't love her after all.

Emmett had been Rosalie's lifeline for as long as they had been together. He was a lifeline she needed, because for all her arrogance and self-confidence, very deep down she was still the woman that had been raped by her fiancé and his friends and then left for dead. Rosalie had never come to terms with what had happened to her. She'd held on to her darkest memories when it would have been so easy to forget and because of this they kept haunting her, similar to the way my own memories and my own regrets kept haunting me. She had been sure of her fiancé's love for her and he had turned on her in the cruellest of ways. It hadn't taken long for her to begin doubting her parents' love for her as well, because she had realised what her marriage to one of the wealthiest, if not _the_ wealthiest man in Rochester, would have done for them in terms of social status. That she could never ask them if she had only been a means to an end for them had made things worse; that spark of doubt that had lodged itself firmly into her mind would remain there forever.

Emmett was the only one she had ever felt safe with, the only one he had ever trusted and the only one whose feelings she had believed to be sincere. His refusal to stand idly by while the rest of us went after Victoria had shattered that trust in his love for her. Rosalie was furious because she was scared, but she was also furious because she knew that Jasper and I were both aware of that fear and she was furious because she was unable to control her feelings.

I was surprised actually, that she didn't blame Bella for that. I didn't know exactly why that was, because her erratic, furious thoughts were difficult to follow; her mind was spinning so fast it almost made me dizzy to watch. Maybe she simply hadn't gotten to blaming Bella yet, wrapped up in her own misery as she was.

Esme kept darting anxious glances over her shoulder at Rosalie, sensing that something was amiss. All eight of us, including Freya had set down at the dining room table, which had never served that particular purpose. Freya had been ecstatic when we told her that we did not intend to kill her after all and had happily agreed to stay with us after we'd explained to her that we couldn't let her go until Victoria was destroyed. It was possible Victoria would send someone to investigate when word of Bella's non-demise got back to her and we couldn't risk Freya falling into her hands. Aside from the fact that she knew too much and therefore was a liability, she also wasn't likely to survive that encounter. Freya wasn't part of our family, but we had taken her in and we'd protect her until this was over and afterwards too, if she wanted us to.

"We have to stop playing by her rules," Jasper said, trying to ignore Rosalie's emotional state. She'd only joined us because of Emmett. She was trying, somewhat grudgingly, to appease him. Not because she wanted to help us in our search for Victoria, but because she wanted Emmett to forgive her. She was prepared to do her best to assist us, but she wasn't happy about it, which only intensified her anger.

It was always so complicated with Rosalie.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" she asked tersely, fighting to keep her voice even. Esme's expression grew even more worried; she knew Rosalie too well to be fooled by her sudden interest in the matter. Carlisle, suspecting why Rosalie was gracing us with her presence and her thoughts, placed his hand over Esme's.

Jasper grimaced, both in response to Rosalie's words and the emotions behind those words. He pulled the calm Carlisle radiated tighter around himself to shield himself against Rosalie's emotions before he continued, "I don't know. As we have no way of knowing where she is," he glanced at Alice, whose expression darkened, "it will be difficult."

"I think I know how she's doing it," Alice said slowly. She glanced at me and I gave a slight nod, already knowing what she had come up with. I knew how Alice's visions worked at least as well as she did, because I saw many of them as well and there weren't that many options as to how Victoria had been able to evade them.

"How?" Carlisle asked, frowning as he leaned forward.

Freya looked curiously from Alice to Carlisle and then at me. She had no idea what we were talking about, because she didn't know that she'd been part of a bigger plan. Nobody had ever told her why she and her comrades had to kill Bella and she was curious to learn more. She was a strange child, childlike at times and mature at others, more mature than her age warranted. I kept wondering what her human life had been like even though it didn't matter anymore. I only felt sorry because I suspected that she hadn't been as happy as she could have been and her second life had started out just as dire. If she wanted to stay with us after this was over, we wouldn't send her away. Maybe she'd decide to stay with the Denalis; Carmen had already offered to take her.

"Well," Alice said, "as you know my visions are based on the decisions people make. I only see what's been firmly decided or things that cannot be influenced by people's decisions like the weather. However, I don't see what I can't look out for and I can't look out for things I don't know anything about. I saw you guys attack Bella," she jerked her chin at Freya, whose eyes were wide as she tried to make sense of what Alice was talking about; surely she didn't mean that she was able to see the _future_, "because I look out for her future."

Freya's mouth popped open. I had to hide a grin and so did the rest of my family aside from Rosalie, who narrowed her eyes. She'd taken an instant dislike to the girl simply because she was here.

"As for why I didn't get that vision until it was almost too late I have no idea. It was almost as if it was a snap decision, which it couldn't have been because you were brought to the forest with a purpose."

"Well," Freya said, pursing her lips as she thought about what she'd just learned, "Adam brought us there and told us to go after the first vampire to cross our path..."

"That might work," Alice replied thoughtfully. "It has worked, actually. Crap, that doesn't make things any easier. What else did Adam say? What did he tell you to do in case Bella didn't show up?"

"He told us to wait. He said he'd be watching us to make sure we didn't run away."

Carlisle and I exchanged glances. There hadn't been a sixth vampire out there that night. Adam had most likely lied to them and scared as they were of him they'd taken his word at face value. If they had waited there, one of us would have come across them eventually and they would have died. We probably wouldn't even have asked questions. It had been cunning plan, which had almost worked.

"Victoria must have been planning this for a very long time," Jasper said eventually, his voice tinged with grudging admiration as he echoed my own thoughts. "So we know why you got so little warning before Bella was attacked," he continued, his words directed at Alice, "but why don't you see Victoria herself at all?"

"Because she's not deciding anything, is she?" Freya piped up excitedly. "She doesn't have to, does she, if she lets other people decide for her."

Alice stared at Freya with the most curious expression. "Yes," she said eventually somewhat lamely, "yes, that's exactly why I think I can't see her. You're very smart for an eleven-year-old kid."

Freya shrugged. I looked outside to hide the smile that was tugging at the corner of my mouth. Freya's thoughts were very smug. I caught a blurry glimpse of her former life as the memory Alice's comment had provoked briefly surfaced: Freya's father, a very strict man by the general tenor of her thoughts, had made sure his daughters received the best education possible and while Freya had resented the logic games he played with them most of the time, right now she was glad that she'd paid attention. I knew the feeling, having been forced to learn the piano although I would have preferred sports instead. I had come to love it, had discovered my love for music only later.

"Anyway, there is nothing I can do about that," Alice concluded. "Until she slips up, I am blind. And I wouldn't count on her slipping up."

"No," Jasper sighed, "that's not very likely. I say we try and track down this Adam. Maybe he'll be of some use."

"Do you really believe that?" Rosalie's voice was doubtful.

Jasper lifted an eyebrow at her and opened his mouth, a biting remark ready on his tongue; he wasn't finding Rosalie's input very helpful. Neither was I, but somebody had to be playing devil's advocate. I said as much. Jasper gaped at me, surprised that I would defend her. Rosalie gaped as well although she quickly snapped her mouth shut, trying to look as if that was just what she'd been doing all along. Emmett looked at her with some surprise.

"I am only saying that we shouldn't waste our resources," Rosalie said as reasonably as she could. "I am sure you all agree." Looking at me, she gave a curt nod, the only thank you I was likely to get. I didn't mind as long as she'd remember what I'd done for her the next time she and Bella had to be in the same room for any period of time.

Emmett sat back, grinning broadly. I didn't feel particularly guilty for deceiving him like that—not even Alice glaring at me could change that—because I hadn't done it for Rosalie or even for Emmett. I'd done it for me, for my family. Rosalie would have to behave from now on. If she didn't, Emmett would know she'd only been pretending and after all that had happened tonight she'd never risk that. Eventually, she'd figure out why I'd helped her of course—she wasn't stupid—but there was nothing she could do about that for the same reason she'd have to watch her actions.

Maybe that was petty, but we couldn't afford to be quarrelling amongst ourselves.

"I do agree with Rosalie, on this at least," Carlisle said eventually. "However, we can't sit here and do nothing. Jasper, if you want to try and track this Adam down, go ahead. You're right. We have to stop playing by Victoria's rules."

—

Bella and Jacob arrived around sunset, the latter in his wolf form as he didn't trust us enough to allow us near him in his weaker human form. Jasper and Emmett exchanged excited glances.

Bella glared at both of them as she slammed the door of her Porsche shut behind her. "You're looking forward to this, aren't you?"

"Well," Emmett said, grinning broadly, "maybe a little."

I rolled my eyes at them. I was just as capable of showing Bella how to fight as Jasper and Emmett were. Even Esme could have taught her the basics. They wanted to be present simply to see how Bella was doing and neither of them expected her to be doing well. A fair assumption, because she should have done better than she had last night, even guided by her instincts alone. Maybe, with a little training, she would at least be able to get away next time, though I hoped fervently that there wouldn't be a next time.

Jacob was thinking along the same lines. He'd already decided not to leave Bella unguarded, although he hadn't worked out the details yet and had no idea what he would do next week when Bella had to work. He could hardly show up at the hospital, because people were bound to notice him. He'd already dragged her out here, too; she hadn't wanted to come. Putting his muzzle against her back, he nudged her forward towards Emmett and Jasper. As he did, he managed to place his body between Bella and me, hiding her, shielding her. From me.

He didn't want me near her.

_I don't know why she wants you_, he thought bitterly. _I wish she'd fallen for someone else, someone who wouldn't have done to her what you did, wouldn't have put her through all that pain. _He was thinking of himself, of how he lost the love of his life. No, he didn't think he'd _lost _her. That would imply that he'd once been sure of her feelings, but he never had, not that way. Oh, he knew that she loved him, but she wasn't _in _love with him. He'd never pushed her on that, had never tried to make her change her mind. Because he loved her. And because he loved her, he wouldn't try to make her change her mind about me either. He knew that it would have been wrong.

But he wouldn't allow me to hurt her again. _If you hurt her, I'll kill you. Am I clear?_

"Crystal," I muttered. Emmett and Jasper glanced over their shoulders, and even Bella briefly looked back, eyebrows raised. "I was talking to Alice," I lied smoothly as I followed them around the house. Jacob positioned himself beside the garage which gave him a superior vantage point as it sat on a soft hill. I joined him there. I saw Alice, Freya and Esme behind the round window on the first floor because Freya was too scared to come down with Jacob here. She hadn't forgotten what he'd done to her comrade Michaela. She never would. Carlisle and Rosalie were the only ones absent. Carlisle had been called to work for a heart transplant and Rosalie was upstairs, cleaning out the attic so that Freya would have a room of her own for the duration of her stay. She'd offered to do it simply because she didn't want to have to interact with Bella, but I was the only one who knew her true motive and I intended to keep it that way.

It hadn't taken Rosalie very long to work out why I'd come to her aid this morning. Smirking, I remembered her tirade. She'd been reduced to fuming and silent ranting and I'd rather enjoyed both. She should have been grateful, because Emmett was talking to her again—in fact, he'd already almost forgotten their fight—but Rosalie's brain didn't seem to be programmed for gratitude.

Well, I could live with that.

"Now," Jasper said, "I trust you won't go looking for a fight, because really that's not a good idea."

"I don't go looking for trouble," Bella replied, narrowing her eyes at him. "Trouble usually finds me all on its own."

Jasper briefly smiled. "What I meant is that you should run away when you're outnumbered. There's no shame in running away."

"I tried that. It just didn't work very well. Besides, they'd have gotten me a whole lot quicker if they'd started herding. I suppose I should be grateful that they were too stupid for that. Sorry, I didn't mean it that way," she added quickly, glancing up the house with an embarrassed smile at where Freya was sitting on Esme's lap. "I am not in a very good mood today. Ask Jake."

Jacob barked a laugh. I caught a memory of Bella snatching a magazine out of his grip and smiled. Jacob shot me a strange look. _What the hell does she _see_ in you? _he asked. He was surprised that he'd asked, surprised that he truly wanted to know. Almost as surprised as I was.

"I don't know," I replied softly.

"I'd still advise you to at least try and run," Jasper continued. "You might get lucky. If that doesn't work and you have to engage remember to keep moving. Whatever you do, don't stop moving. If you stop, if you let them get their hands on you, you'll lose. Let's give that a try." Emmett danced forward, a grin plastered across his face. Bella groaned, automatically retreating a few steps. "Just try to evade. We'll take it from there."

Emmett was rubbing his hands in giddy anticipation. Bella retreated further, automatically slipping into a defensive crouch that would be of no use in a real fight. Jasper saw it as well and made a mental note to work on that later. Emmett feinted to the right. Bella didn't react, her inexperience showing. Instead of mirroring his movements and trying to anticipate his next move, she stayed frozen in place, as still as a statue. Emmett glanced at Jasper, who was scratching his forehead—he couldn't believe what he was seeing—then back at Bella whose eyes were wide with anxiety that was bordering on panic.

Jasper shot me a look and I shrugged. Jacob grumbled, less than impressed by Bella's performance or lack thereof. Hearing him, she looked in our direction, momentarily forgetting that she was supposed to be fighting. Emmett used her distraction to launch himself at her with the force of a wrecking ball. With an undignified squeal, Bella spun around and took off in a straight line. She didn't get very far. Emmett slammed into the ground in front of her, snow exploding in every direction and showering back down on them, taking a swipe at her even as Bella rammed her heels into the snow to brake. She ducked out of the way just in time and scrambled away, finding no real purchase on the snow. Emmett lunged after her.

_It's like watching a mouse trying to escape a cat_, Jacob commented, slowly shaking his head. _A not particularly clever mouse_, he added after a moment when Emmett caught Bella by her boot and yanked her back, hurling her through the air.

"Yes, that image certainly comes to mind," I replied drily, watching Bella hit the ground and roll aside just in time to avoid Emmett's elbow. I looked at Jasper, who kept running his hands through his hair and probably would have pulled it out if he could have. _And there I thought I'd seen it all_, he thought absently.

Bella had leapt to her feet again. Instead of dashing off, this time she stayed where she was, watching Emmett's movements more closely than before. She was more focused now, calmer, the panic that had made her movements jerky and uncertain finally gone. Emmett feinted to the right again. Although Bella fell for it once more and dove at his left, she managed to slip through his hands.

_I was beginning to doubt her instincts_, Jasper said, visibly relieved. _Alright, let's chase her a little._

"Jasper wants us to join Emmett," I told Jacob, who instantly got to his feet and shook himself to dislodge the snow that clung to his russet coat.

_About time_, he replied as he leapt into Bella's way to cut her off, having far less qualms about attacking her, about analysing her like prey, than I had. Bella gasped, surprised, as she suddenly found her path of escape blocked by Jacob. He snapped at her, his teeth glinting in the moonlight. The weather that had forced us to stay inside all day had held fair; the sky was clear, the moon and the stars bright, especially to a vampire's eyes. We'd lit no lamps and the house was dark. The few trees that stood scattered around the house cast eerie shadows, but none of them touched the area behind the house.

Bella kept darting back and forth. Jacob and Emmett, both very experienced fighters, were very quick, cutting her off whenever she thought she'd found a way to get past them. There was no trace of panic left in her face; it was blank with concentration, focused. She was beautiful to behold, with her dark hair loose around her shoulders.

_Edward_, Jasper urged, breaking into my reverie. Finding her left blocked by Emmett and her right by Jacob, with Jasper coming at her from behind, she was charging directly at me, barely noticing that I was there or, if she did, maybe hoping that I'd let her get past. Her golden eyes widened as I suddenly came down in front of her, snow raining down on both of us and I saw irrational betrayal flicker in them.

She'd assumed the latter then.

Darting a glance over her shoulder and wasting valuable time, she saw my brothers and Jacob closing in, the latter already bending his hindquarters to take a massive leap that would catapult him right on top of her if she didn't start moving again. With every side covered, Bella chose the only way of escape left to her—up.

Launching herself into the air, she twisted into a somersault. Jacob landed heavily only two feet in front of me. Momentum drove him into me and gravity wasn't on our side either. Falling, I brought up my legs to catapult Jacob over my head and onto his feet again, following his curt instructions. Jasper and Emmett bounded past on either side of me, and as soon as Jacob's weight was gone I leapt to my feet again to rush after them.

Emmett and Jasper broke away, intending to herd Bella back towards Jacob and me. Realising their intent, she made a desperate attempt to break away as well and threw herself to the right, down the slope of the hill. As I was still several yards below her, I turned and retraced my steps, coming at her from below instead of behind. She ran directly into my arms, too busy looking over her shoulder.

We collided with the sound of rolling thunder. Pushing her hands against my chest without ever looking at me, Bella tried to free herself. I reacted automatically, having practiced these moves many hundred times. Jasper was a good teacher. I shoved her arms up and away, then caught her left wrist as she stumbled backwards, trying to regain her balance. Twisting her arm in a way that would have broken every single bone had she been human, I pinned it behind her back. I caught her free arm just as she wanted to drive her elbow into my ribs.

"Very well done, Bella," Jasper said, smiling as he walked towards us, Emmett beside him. "I think that's enough for now," he added, jerking his chin meaningfully at Jacob whose fur stood on edge. He didn't particularly like seeing Bella so close to me and while he knew that he'd have to get used to it eventually, he wouldn't allow me to hold her against her will.

I dropped my arms. Bella stepped away from me almost immediately, turning her head to look at me only for a second. Her eyes were unreadable.

"If you say so," she muttered, not sounding very convinced. Jacob nuzzled her shoulder, and she buried her right hand in the fur between his ears. He had to lower his head for her to reach it. I should have been jealous, I supposed, should have envied Jacob, but all I felt was gratitude, gratitude that he'd been there for her when I hadn't, that he was still there for her.

"It'll get better," Jasper assured her, glancing at me. _At least I hope it will. Maybe she just needs enough pressure. If so, then maybe we should have her spar with Rose. I am kidding, _he added when I glared at him and rolled his eyes. "The two of you should come back tomorrow night," he said aloud, his words directed and Bella and Jacob. "You'll have to do without Emmett and me, but Alice and Edward know just as much."

"Where are you going?" Bella asked. If she was troubled by the prospect of me training her, she didn't let on. I took this as a good sign.

"After Adam." Jasper sighed a little. "I realise we're grasping at straws at this point, but we can't sit around twiddling our thumbs, waiting for Victoria to act. I don't expect to find him, but it's worth a shot." What he didn't add was that he was convinced that Victoria had already killed Adam or had sent someone to kill him for her. Jasper would have done the same, the second he'd outlived his purpose. He was very practical that way and it was best to assume that Victoria was, too.

"I hope you find him," Bella said softly. "Well, we'd better get going." She glanced at Jacob, her eyes travelling down his hindquarters which were slightly bent, because he was trying very hard not to put too much weight on them. "Jake hasn't quite recovered yet, although I know it's hard to believe."

Jacob grumbled and bared her teeth at her a little, put out that she would betray him like that in front of what he still considered his enemies. Bella rolled her eyes at him, not nearly as intimidated as she'd been when he'd come charging at her.

"I have an idea," Alice said, suddenly dropping down beside us, having walked out of her bedroom window. Jacob huffed in consternation. Having let down his guard for just a moment, he hadn't seen or heard her coming and she'd startled him. Though he'd rather die than admit that to any of us. Alice flashed a blinding smile at him. "Let's go out tomorrow night. We could all use some fun."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

Alice shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be? Just the four of us," she added, smiling at Bella and Jacob, who eyed her as if he wasn't certain that she was for real. I could relate. Alice could be quite overwhelming, especially when you didn't know her. "Rose and Esme are taking Freya hunting."

I lifted my eyebrows even higher.

_Yes, they are_, Alice confirmed. _Let's hope your plan doesn't backfire. Freya's such a nice kid and she doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of Rose's temper. By the way, Esme asked her to tag along. She couldn't say no. _"As I was saying," she continued aloud, "we could use a distraction. Sitting around and waiting for something to happen is kind of depressing."

"I'll think about it," Bella said eventually, glancing at Jacob. He found the idea of going out with a bunch of bloodsuckers—his words, not mine—appalling. He was hoping fervently that Bella wouldn't agree to this, because if she did, then he would have to come along as well—he didn't want to let her out of his sight, not even for a few hours. He didn't trust us to keep her safe.

"Fine." Alice beamed. "I'll see you tomorrow then. I'm looking forward to sparring with you." She turned around and launched herself back inside, landing on the wooden floor with a soft thud.

"I like him," Jasper said, when Bella's Porsche had disappeared behind the bend a minute later. Jacob had taken the direct route through the woods as the pain in his hip, which he'd barely noticed up until a few minutes ago, had gotten worse because of the strain he'd put on it tonight.

"Surprisingly, so do I," I replied quietly. "He's good for Bella."

"That he is," Jasper agreed, frowning a little as he remembered Jacob Black's outburst a few nights ago. He'd been willing to kill me and if the other deputy hadn't been there, he would have at least tried. "He doesn't like you, make no mistake, but I doubt he'd kill you now unprovoked."

"It seems he and Bella had a talk about me this morning. I didn't see much, because he was trying not to think about it—and he's very good at that—but I got the gist of it. As long as I don't hurt her he'll leave me alone. And if I do, I'll deserve everything he throws at me."

Jasper gave a curt nod. "It's a pity I can't read his mind. His emotions were very … tangled. It's hard to describe. It's a strange mix. Love. Dedication. Happiness. Remorse. Hatred. Guilt. There's darkness in there, too. He's hiding it well, almost as well as you do," he glanced at me with a crooked smile, "and it's not as crushing as what I get off you sometimes, but that's probably only because he doesn't have the capacity for emotions the way we do."

"He sacrificed everything, gave up everything for her," I replied quietly. "He left his pack knowing he would never be able to return and be a part of it, knowing he'd have to live close to us even though we're his enemies. No, he doesn't think of us that way anymore," I added when Jasper opened his mouth. "I think that's because of Bella, too. He couldn't give her up when she was changed although his alpha wanted him to. He's begun to see that we're not all bad, that we're … people, at least to some extent. He doesn't trust us and I don't think he will anytime soon, but he trusts Bella and that's good enough for him. I am glad she has him."

"You're not jealous," Jasper replied, surprised.

"No, I'm not." I looked up into the sky as I tried to find words for how I felt. "I have no _right_ to be jealous. They're so close because of me, because of what I did to her. I have no right to complain about that and I don't want to. Without him she wouldn't be who she is today. She'd probably be dead, too, because without the pack's protection Victoria would have gotten to her a lot sooner."

"Well, then I am glad you can see it that way," Jasper said, smiling.

"Yes," I replied, returning his smile, "so am I."

—

"I can't believe I am here," Jacob muttered, shoving another piece of still bloody steak into his mouth and washing it down with half a glass of beer.

Alice was watching him eat in morbid fascination while Bella, quite obviously used to Jacob eating like a horse, didn't pay much attention. "Feel free to leave," she said absently, her forehead creased in concentration as her eyes travelled over the pictures of various buildings the quizmaster had dropped on our table a minute ago. "I recognise most of them," she said eventually, ignoring Jacob rolling his eyes at her, "and I can tell you which country they're in, but that's about it."

The bar Alice had dragged us to held table quizzes every Saturday night. The little room was packed with people, most of them regulars. I'd been worried how Bella would handle it—two years into my new life I had avoided crowds like the plague—but I needn't have bothered; she seemed perfectly fine wedged in between Jacob and Alice, a glass of water in front of her.

Jacob wasn't nearly as happy. He still would have preferred not to come and he'd considered staying at home, but in the end his protective instincts had overruled his dislike for vampires in general and for me in particular. Still, he couldn't help feeling vulnerable because phasing into a wolf hadn't been an option. Alice, blind because of his presence but not stupid, had offered to buy him something to eat to appease him—having guessed correctly that he wouldn't accept if I offered—and he'd taken her up on it.

"May I have a look?" I asked. Pretending to drink because the waitress was looking in our direction—she'd never seen so many so stunningly beautiful people—Bella shoved the pictures and the sheet with the instructions over the table.

"Explain the rules to me again," Jacob said, who was finally done eating. Crumpling his napkin, he craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the pictures as well. "They're six categories with five questions each and an additional category." He pointed at the pictures, eight of them in total. "That. We hand that in at the end, right?"

"Right," Alice replied, leaning over and unceremoniously sitting down on Bella's lap. Bella sighed, throwing me a brief and somewhat resigned grin, then scooted over so that Alice was seated directly beside Jacob without her caught in the middle. "We're not allowed to cheat, which means no phones or any other web-enabled devices on the table and," her voice dropped as she looked at me, eyes narrowed in warning, "in our case no mind reading."

"I can't turn it on and off, you know," I said, folding my arms in front of my chest and scowling in fake consternation. It wouldn't be a lot of fun for Bella, Alice and Jacob if I simply picked the right answers out of the quizmaster's mind, so I'd decided not to participate unless they asked me to. Alice knew that, but she wasn't reminding me because she assumed I'd forgotten but because she wanted to make Bella laugh. _Mission accomplished_, she thought smugly when Bella's lips curved into a slight smile, her eyes briefly meeting mine, and went back to explaining the game to Jacob.

I dropped my gaze back on the pictures. She'd turned her head to listen to Alice and I didn't want her to catch me staring at her. She was beautiful tonight. She wore a white button-down blouse, with a brown leather belt around her waist that matched her boots, and blue jeans. Her mahogany hair fell over her shoulders in loose waves. Alice's work. She'd deemed both Bella's hair and clothes unsuitable for a night out after our training session was over. Bella, obviously having expected as much, had taken the path of least resistance. She'd brought something to change into and let Alice have her way with her hair.

Alice was trying to help me. She wanted me and Bella back together as much as I did. She was doing what she could, though she'd made it clear that she wouldn't push her. I didn't expect her to and I wouldn't want her to. If Bella decided to take me back, she would do so because she'd chosen to. If she didn't…

Well, I tried not to go there.

The music that had been playing in the background, pop mostly, died as the quizmaster reached for the microphone that lay waiting beside him on the bar. "Wow, it's a full house tonight," he began, grinning broadly and revealing crooked teeth. "I see a lot of familiar faces, which is awesome and… Hey, Sam, glad you could make it!" Almost everyone turned to look at the girl the quizmaster—whose name was Tom—had addressed. Sam was a woman in her late twenties with blue eyes and short golden hair. She blushed furiously when Tom waved at her. She quickly hid behind her cocktail because she didn't want him to see her ogling at him like an infatuated teenager.

I slowly shook my head, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. Things had changed so much since I'd been alive. In my time girls and women wouldn't even have gone into a bar in the first place.

"It would really drive me nuts," Jacob said suddenly as he glanced at the girl, who was excitedly talking to her friend. Bella looked up from the pictures she'd retrieved, obviously surprised that Jacob had addressed me. "I so wouldn't want to know what's going on in other people's heads. I'm glad that I'm finally alone in my own head…" His voice trailed off as Sam, the La Push pack's alpha, rose to the surface of his mind. When they were wolves their most treasured thoughts, their most precious secrets and desires were laid bare for everyone to see. Jacob hadn't been able to hide his love for Bella or his anger about Sam's decision to separate them.

Jacob knew that it had been just as difficult for Sam because he didn't want to know Jacob's secrets and it was hard for him to watch as pack slowly broke apart from the inside as time passed, but Jacob didn't feel particularly sympathetic. _Sam_ had refused to see reason. _Sam_ had forced Jacob to end his friendship to Bella. As far as Jacob was concerned, it was all Sam's fault. He only felt sorry for his pack brothers because they'd had to witness the deterioration of a once strong pack.

"It's trying at times," I said eventually. "I can tune it down to background noise, but I rarely do. It's like a swarm of buzzing bees in the back of my mind and I find that distracting. I try not to listen instead, like you would try not to listen to a conversation you are forced to overhear. It doesn't always work, but then I'm used to it. I would probably feel incomplete without that extra sense."

As the evening progressed I realised that Jacob and I had more in common than I would have guessed. The third category of the table quiz was music—after famous deceased and, even more morbid, serial killers—and Jacob knew the answers to every single question although he had to fight Alice on two; she didn't like being wrong. "No," he said with an air of finality, snatching the piece of paper she'd written the first three answers on out of her hands, "that's Tunng with 'Bullets'. _Green hills and enemies / These things they make us sentimental inside…_"

"_Your words are gelignite / Or just another sentimental aside_," Bella said. "It's one of my favourites and I made Jake play it to me on his guitar about a million times."

"I've never heard of them," Alice replied.

"That means there's a massive gap in your musical education," Jacob answered, quickly ducking out of the way in a well-practiced movement because Alice was attempting to smack him over the head. Bella giggled. I gathered she used to do the same when she was still human. "And it felt more like a billion," he said to her, his eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline.

"You play the guitar?" I asked quickly to change the subject, because Alice didn't look at all happy that she'd been overruled.

Jacob shrugged. "Yeah. I am not sure that I'm really good at it, though Bells keeps telling me otherwise. I wish I could have brought it along, but that wasn't an option." He snorted. "I could hardly strap it to my back."

_We have at least four or five guitars stored away in the basement, don't we?_ Alice asked, her anger that hadn't been very real anyway, already forgotten. _Why not give him one? I think he'd like that_.

"I think he would, too," I said three hours later as I inched the Volvo out of the parking space, Alice craning her neck to make sure I didn't accidentally run into the car behind me. Bella and Jacob waved at us as we passed them; she'd parked her Porsche further down the road. "I can't believe that's the same person I ran into three nights ago," I said quietly, the car's engine purring smoothly. It wasn't very late yet—by our standards—but the streets where empty, so I turned off the lights and floored it.

"I like him," Alice replied. "I didn't think I would, but it's kind of hard not to like someone who's so good for Bella."

"I am glad she has him, even more so because I doubt she'll be able to hold her own for very long when she's attacked again." Alice nodded grimly. We both knew that another attack was a matter of when, not if. Victoria would be furious when she learned that Bella was still alive. She'd certainly come after her again; she probably had a contingency plan already in place. "Do you think Jasper and Emmett will find Adam?"

Alice shook her head unhappily. "I doubt it. I've been trying to catch a glimpse of him now that I know that he's there and of course he would have influenced Jasper and Emmett's future as well…" She sighed in frustration. "Really, I would have seen something the second they decided to go after him, but all I keep seeing is the two of them searching and searching and searching… My best bet is that Adam's already dead. Jasper thinks so as well."

"I know and you're both probably right." I sighed. "It's just… What?"

Alice had gone very still, her eyes looking through me as if she didn't see me, as if I didn't exist. I caught the images flooding her mind, dozens of them, some of them blurry and uncertain but most of them bright and distinct and certain. Bella in her car, her eyes frantic. Bella checking in at the airport, the only passenger on a plane out of Anchorage. Layover in Minneapolis. Bella boarding a plane to Chicago… I hit the brakes, the car squealing as it skidded to a stop, slamming into the snow beside the road so hard that Alice and I were flung back into our seats.

"Why is she going to Chicago?"

Alice shook her head, holding on to the vision as she tried to see more details, tried to get more information out if it. "I don't know," she whispered. "Um, I think my cell phone's ringing." Shaking her head to clear it, she dug it out of her purse, confused because she hasn't seen the call coming, confused because she didn't know why Bella had suddenly decided to go to Chicago. "It's Jacob," she said barely half a second after she'd slid the phone open. "We have a problem."

—

**Sorry for that cliffhanger! Oh, well, actually I am not that sorry at all! I have to keep you hooked, don't I? I am really looking forward to writing the next chapter and I hope I'll get it done before the semester starts next week. Then it's all studying again—and believe me, I am not looking forward to _that_!**


	20. Ghosts, Part 1

**A/N:** I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long, but I was terribly busy with my exams (I passed!) and then I was on holiday in Tuscany last week. I got to see Volterra and Montepulciano, where they filmed New Moon. It was amazing!

Lifelines has now over a hundred and twenty reviews, which is more than I ever dreamed I'd receive! Thank you all so much for staying with me and for giving me feedback on a regular basis! You have no idea how much I appreciate it!

Special thanks to my beta **KayMarie XW**, who has done a wonderful job with this chapter. Her suggestions have made it better! You should definitely check out her story **Resonating Light**!

Lifelines has a banner now, which **Mehek18** made for me. Check out my profile.

This is a two-part chapter, because there is so much happening in it that it would have gotten far too long to read comfortably on a computer screen. I hope you don't mind and that you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think about it.

**Disclaimer:** The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

20. GHOSTS, PART 1

BELLA

The night outside was as black as my soul. I sat huddled in the seat next to Edward's, staring outside without really seeing anything. I felt Edward shift every now and then— this was one of the many human habits I had yet to acquire, but I couldn't have cared less about that at the moment. It didn't matter anyway. Not right now.

We were alone; the only passengers on a plane to Minneapolis. The flight attendant had retired as soon as she'd been convinced that we were fast asleep. I would have given anything to be able to fall asleep like a human and to escape reality for a few hours. If I'd still been able to sleep, then this could have been a dream. Obviously a bad dream—a nightmare even—but a dream nonetheless. That would have been better, much better, than the living nightmare that it actually was.

But I couldn't sleep, so this was real and it was all my fault.

I'd thought it couldn't get any worse, that there was nothing Victoria could do to me now that I wouldn't be able to survive with my family and Jake at my side. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I'd been a fool to assume that she'd already hurt me as much as she could.

A few hours ago, hours that now felt like years, everything had been fine, almost perfect. I'd been happy, happier than I'd been since I was eighteen and Edward left me, and hopeful. I had allowed myself to dream of a better, brighter future, a future without darkness and loneliness and pain. I shouldn't have, I knew that now. If I hadn't allowed myself to hope, it wouldn't hurt so badly. I'd dared to hope and Victoria had taken that hope away from me again, just like she always did. I should have expected it.

I was a fool.

It was four in the morning and we'd arrive in Minneapolis in less than two hours. I wasn't looking forward to waiting, knowing it would make me feel even more on edge, but there was nothing I could do about it. As Edward had pointed out, being stuck at St. Paul for two hours was still better than being stuck in Anchorage for another fourteen while we waited for the next non-stop flight to Chicago—and it was faster than driving or running. I knew he was right, but I couldn't shake the feeling that we were running out of time. If we hadn't already.

_Please let us be there in time_, I thought desperately.

"We don't know it was Victoria," Jake had said before I'd even known what was going on; he'd called me down again just a few minutes after I'd gone upstairs to read a novel, something I hadn't done in almost two years.

"What?" I'd asked, confused and a little worried by the edge in his voice and his hardened expression. Then I'd looked at the frozen television screen, following Jake's gaze, and suddenly it all made perfect sense.

"I should have warned her," I whispered, only realising that I'd spoken aloud when Edward gently put his hand on my shoulder and asked, in that same calm, soothing voice he'd used ever since he and Alice showed up at my house a few hours earlier, "And what would you have told her?"

I shrugged, my hands balling into fists. I knew he was right—again—but I couldn't help feeling that I should have done something, anything. Maybe I could have prevented this, if only I hadn't been so careless. If only I hadn't assumed that Victoria would leave her alone.

_No_, I realised bitterly, _that's not right_. I hadn't simply _not_ assumed that Victoria wouldn't go after Olivia, the only real friend I'd ever made after I left Forks; it had never even occurred to me to begin with. I hadn't seen or spoken to her in two years, had ignored all of her attempts to get in touch again until she'd given up. And for some reason that made it even worse, made me feel even more guilty than it would have if I'd known Victoria might go after someone who'd once been one of my closest friends, but hadn't acted on it.

"I should have warned her," I repeated. My hands fell back into my lap. Edward didn't answer, but he gently squeezed my shoulder, trying to give me what little comfort he could offer. I leaned into his touch despite myself, despite the fact that I hadn't forgiven him yet and maybe never could. I was grateful for his presence and tried to ignore the small voice in the back of my mind—which, curiously, sounded a lot like my mother—that kept insisting that I should keep my distance, that I should send him away after all he'd put me through.

But I couldn't.

I needed him, it was as simple as that. I didn't have the strength to ask him to leave me even though reason—still speaking with the voice of my mother, which I found very odd, because if my mother was lacking something, then it was common sense—dictated that I should. I felt drained and depleted as it was. Without Edward I would have felt lost as well.

"It's not your fault," Edward said after a while. "Even if you'd warned her—and you couldn't, not without revealing our existence to her—she probably wouldn't have believed you. What would you have said to her? That a vampire was coming after her, because your former vampire ex-boyfriend killed her lover, also a vampire, in order to save your life? Besides," he paused, and I knew he was going to say the same thing he'd said to me before, the said thing Jake had repeated over and over again, trying to calm me down while we waited for Alice and Edward, "we don't even know that it was her. How do you know your friend didn't just pack her things and leave?"

"She wouldn't," I said. "She loves her parents. She'd never do that to them."

"Sometimes humans do strange things, Bella."

"Liv wouldn't hurt her parents like that," I replied, my answer sounding harsher than I'd meant it to, but Edward didn't take offence. He simply smiled sympathetically, squeezing my shoulder one last time before he let go and fell silent. I wrapped my arms around myself, looking outside again, wishing the darkness would engulf me, take me away and put an end to all that pain.

I didn't believe for a second that Liv had just walked away, leaving all she'd ever wanted, had ever dreamt of, behind.

I didn't know much about the kind of life Liv led now. I hadn't known she'd left California, but I wasn't very surprised. She'd only stayed there because of me—and her on and off girlfriend Eden—and had always wanted to return to Chicago someday, where she'd been born and raised. Aside from that I knew very little, only what had been on the news. She was working at the Cook County Hospital, where we'd both spent our horrible stint as a surgeon all those years ago. The news programme had speculated that she had probably been abducted on her way to work. Jake had been able to access the missing person's report in the database of the Chicago Police Department, but it hadn't told us anything new except for the addresses of Liv and her parents, which were now etched into my mind.

I'd known my way around Chicago once, but my memories of those six months were just as blurry and useless as all my other human memories.

"Please don't blame yourself," Edward said softly.

I didn't look up. "Who else is there to blame? Those women and children were killed because of me and poor Freya was changed because of me. Jake left his home and his pack and probably his job because of me. And now Liv might _die_ because of me, because Victoria hates me and wants to punish me for something that was never my fault."

"Exactly." Edward's fingers gently lifted my chin, so that I was facing him again, my skin tingling slightly at the contact. I saw bitterness flicker in his eyes, bitterness he didn't bother to hide. "It's not your fault," he said again. "Victoria _decided_ to come after you, because she's hurting and because she believes that hurting you is the easiest way to hurt _me_. You're as much a victim as everyone else."

He paused for a moment as one of the flight attendants peeked out from behind the heavy blue curtain, the fabric swishing quietly around his feet. When he was gone, Edward continued, "I know you feel responsible. We all do and we are. If I hadn't been so preoccupied with James that night in the clearing and if I'd paid more attention to Victoria's thoughts, I would have known that they were mates. It would have changed everything."

"Would it?" I asked. "Would you have stayed?" I probably shouldn't have asked that question then and there, when there was so much at stake, so much to be lost. I should have focused on Liv and how to save her before it was too late and shouldn't have put my own problems first.

But I did. Because I knew I would be distracted until I understood.

"Yes," Edward whispered without hesitating. "Yes, I would have stayed. I only left because I thought you'd be safer without me, without my family as a constant threat. I was wrong, obviously, just as it was wrong to leave you. I shouldn't have left because you were in danger. I shouldn't have left, because I knew that it was wrong and that my actions would hurt you. And because I loved you and knew I'd always love you. I'm sorry I didn't realise that sooner. If I had… Well, things might have turned out differently."

Silence again. The sky was beginning to turn blue, the clouds below us looking almost black in comparison. We'd sink below the clouds before the sun was up, and Alice had promised us grey skies and rain in both Minneapolis and Chicago for the next couple of days.

"We can't change what happened," I said, when the pink sky had given way to thick grey clouds heavy with rain, the cold, crisp air outside the plane smelling of water. I didn't look at Edward, but I could feel his eyes on me. "I wish we could. I wish we could go back in time. I wish you hadn't left me me and I wish that Victoria had never changed me, but we're stuck with the consequences of the decisions we made." _Your decisions_, I thought, but I didn't say it out loud. Edward knew that as well as I did. "I don't know if there's a future for us."

He didn't answer for a very long time. When he did, his voice was strangely flat and hollow. "I am so sorry." Startled, I realised that he was trying not to cry. I'd never seen him lose control of himself and wished, for a moment, that I could take back what I'd just said.

_No_, I told myself firmly. He needed to know what he'd done to me, needed to know how I felt and if my words hurt him, then I couldn't change that, because it was the truth and I wouldn't lie to him.

There'd been too many lies already in the past.

"What you did to me," I said softly, "almost destroyed me." I did look at him then. He'd grown very still in his seat, fear flashing in his golden eyes. "I don't know what made you think that I'd ever get over you. I tried. I tried so very hard, because I knew you'd never come back. You'd made that very clear." As blurry and vague most of my human memories were, the ones of the night in the forest, of Edward telling me that he didn't love me anymore, were painfully clear and bitterness crept into my voice. Edward's gaze dropped. Maybe he was ashamed.

But maybe he didn't want me to see the pain in his eyes.

"But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't forget you. The first few months were … bad. I felt as if you had died, as if I had died. I guess you could say I was mourning, but truth was that I just wasn't dealing very well, because I didn't know how. Eventually, Charlie threatened to send me back to Florida. That was about the same time I started hanging out with Jake." I smiled at the warmth in my voice that was always there when I spoke about him. "I don't know what I would have become without him. He brought the sun back into my life. He kept me sane. But even he couldn't chase all the shadows and all the nightmares away. They became less frequent, but they always came back and sometimes I'd wake screaming, just like I had when you first left me."

A memory pushed itself to the surface of my mind, Liv charging into my room swinging a baseball bat, coming to my help, because she'd thought I was being attacked. My hands clenched into fists. "The dream never changed. I was alone in the forest and you had just left me and darkness was threatening to crush me. I always tried to run after you even though I knew that you were long gone and…" My voice broke off. I'd never told anyone about that dream, not Charlie, not Liv, not even Jake. "It hurt so much," I said, surprised at how calm my voice sounded, "and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for hurting me like that. I love you, Edward, and I always will, but I don't know if that's enough."

"I understand," Edward whispered, never looking up. I wanted to reach out to him and comfort him like he'd comforted me before. But this was different. This was _our_ pain, so I couldn't take it away.

And I didn't want to.

Looking away again, I realised that I'd finally managed to think about something else and chase the image of a brightly smiling Liv to the back of my mind. When I'd seen her picture on television, I'd recognised her instantly just like Jake had, because she hadn't changed at all. She still wore her brown hair that would glow red in the sun just like mine used to, tied into a sloppy ponytail. She still had those awful black-rimmed glasses that had cost a fortune and were supposed to be very fashionable, but didn't suit her at all. What had her life been like after I'd left? She'd returned to Chicago, obviously, but aside from that? Was she still dating Eden? Did she still eat dry pasta when she wasn't in the mood to cook?

If we'd still been in touch I might have found out about her disappearance sooner. I knew how lucky I was that Jake had decided to watch the news before he went to sleep. I would have never learned that she was missing otherwise. _Oh_, my mind remarked dismissively at that, _I'm sure Victoria would have found a way to get your attention_.

Well, she'd succeeded.

I wrapped my arms around myself, anxiety slithering slowly up my spine. I was well aware that this was a trap; I wasn't that stupid. Still, if Jake hadn't called Alice while I'd been busy packing and calling the airline, I would have been on my own, and alone I didn't stand a chance. My fighting skills—if you could call them that—wouldn't keep me alive for more than half a second, but I hadn't been able to think straight. Panic had overpowered me, and when Edward had taken over, calling the airline and booking the flight, I hadn't objected. He hadn't tried to talk me out of going to Chicago, but neither he nor Alice or Jake had wanted me to go alone.

_Which_, I reflected, _was a good thing_. Just a few hours alone I would have avoided being alone with Edward like the plague. Now I was grateful that he was here. _Funny_, I thought with morbid amusement, _how matters of life and death put everything into perspective_.

We hadn't spoken yet about what we'd do once we arrived. Frankly, I was glad that Edward hadn't asked, because I didn't exactly have a plan. I'd have talk to Liv's parents and check out her home, but while the latter was easy, I had no clue as to how to go about the former. Liv's grandfather happened to be the mayor of Chicago, so her family was probably under siege. I would never be able to get to them, especially not if Liv's parents didn't want to see me. They were very close and Liv would have told her mother that I'd disappeared without a word and had never called or answered any of her e-mails or letters that she'd sent Jake, hoping he'd forward them to me. If she didn't want to talk to me I could hardly blame her.

But I needed to know what had happened, if Liv had mentioned anything to them, if they knew anything that might be of use. The chances that they'd be able to help us were slim at best, but I had to give it a try.

Because there wasn't really anything else I could do.

"We'll find her."

I glanced up at Edward's calm, reassuring words. He gazed at me levelly, no hint of the pain I'd seen before in his eyes. He was trying to offer comfort despite everything I'd said to him. Reaching out, he placed his hand on my shoulder again. I closed my eyes; the warmth of his touch, which I had yet to grow accustomed to, made my skin tingle.

"I hope you're right," I replied in a whisper, despair heavy in my stomach like a lump of iron.

I didn't want Liv to die because of me.

xx

As Alice had promised, it was pouring when we arrived in Chicago. Edward vanished to pick up the keys for the rental car he'd thought to arrange for, while I stood in front of the terminal in the rain and tried to remember. the first time I'd arrived here I wish I could have remembered, but my mind was blank, the memories of my first day in Chicago were gone. Knowing I'd been here before, stood probably on this very spot while I'd been waiting for a cab, but unable to remember any of it was very disconcerting.

Chicago had been Liv's idea. Without her I'd never have set foot in the city where Edward had been born and raised, the city where he'd died and where Carlisle had changed him almost a century ago. I'd enjoyed working here more than I'd expected—Liv had done her best to make me fall in love with the city—but I would never have been able to live here for more than a few months, not with Edward constantly haunting me. Liv had followed me back to Pasadena. I wasn't sure why she had, because she'd always wanted to return to Chicago, but when I'd told her I was leaving, she'd sent in her letter of resignation and started packing.

"Are you alright?"

I turned. Edward had approached without me noticing. An electronic car key was dangling from his hand.

"Yeah," I replied, frowning. "I've just been trying to remember, but I can't and that's very frustrating. I lived here for six months and all I seem to be able to remember are fragments, and not very many."

Edward smiled sympathetically. Picking up my duffel bag as well as his own carryall, ever the gentleman, he set off towards the parking lot across the street, neither of us paying much attention to the rain. Umbrellas of all colours and sized hurried past us, their owners regarding us with expressions that ranged from disbelief to shock.

Humans.

"You'll get used to it," he said after a moment, scanning the rows of parked cars for ours. "I never thought I would, but in the end I did. There are so many new memories, so many new experiences. What once was doesn't matter anymore after a while. The city the way I recollect it, partially at least," he continued after he'd unlocked the car and tossed our bags into the trunk, "doesn't exist anymore. I don't come here as often as I used to. Chicago has changed so much over the past century that it just doesn't feel like home to me anymore." He shrugged. "I can't imagine living here. Not anymore. Besides," he flashed a smile at me, and I felt my lips curve into a smile of my own almost automatically, "it wouldn't be very practical. Too much sunshine."

"Not today," I remarked as I slid into the car beside him. "I suppose you have to thank God for small favours."

As Chicago was three hours ahead of Anchorage time-wise, it was just a before noon and the streets were jam-packed full of cars and buses. According to Edward, Liv's parents didn't live that far from the airport, but as we moved about as fast as a snail, it took us almost an hour and a half to get there.

"You know what's strange?" I asked, deciding we might as well use the time to come up with a plan since I still didn't have one. Besides, Edward could probably use a distraction. He didn't seem to like being stuck in traffic any more than I did—really, was there anyone who did?—and while I could just turn up the music to drown out the words of the people around me and sit it out, he'd be forced to hear their agitated thoughts, which couldn't be pleasant at all. I'd never have noticed his tension if I hadn't been a vampire myself, because he didn't fidget as a human would have, but as vampires tended to grow very still when under stress, I was well aware of it.

"Enlighten me," he said, his voice cool and polite.

I grimaced, but I didn't take it personally. "It's OK to yell at them, you know," I replied, at which he snorted. I sighed, shaking my head just a little. You just couldn't take the gentleman out of the vampire, I guess. "Well," I continued, "according to Liv's missing person's report, she disappeared on her way to work Friday morning. I was attacked Thursday night. You said that you didn't find anything that would suggest that there was another vampire in the forest that night, aside from Freya and the others." I paused. Edward didn't seem to have anything to say—though that was probably because of a car that ignored a stop sign and didn't crash into us only because he stomped on the brakes—and I went on, "With nobody to tell her, how could Victoria have known so fast that I wasn't dead and acted on it?"

Edward frowned, momentarily forgetting to glare at the driver, who'd almost totalled his car and probably ours as well. "I suppose she could have a human contact in the city who keeps her informed, but Victoria doesn't really strike me as the kind of vampire who'd trust a human enough to let him work for her, useful as he may be. Besides, how would a human know what happened Thursday night?"

"So?" I prompted.

"Jasper, Emmett, Eleazar and I have scouted the area several times in the past forty-eight hours and we've found nothing that would indicate the presence of another vampire. Jasper and Emmett have been trying to find Adam, but he's probably dead. It would explain why Alice can't see him and I wouldn't put it past Victoria to get rid of someone who's fulfilled his purpose."

"No," I agreed, grimacing a little despite the fact that I didn't feel the least bit sorry for this Adam guy, not after I'd learned what he'd done to Freya and the other vampires. Nobody deserved to be treated like that, least of all an eleven-year-old child.

"Victoria isn't probably even in Anchorage anymore," Edward continued. "It's hard to tell, of course, because of the snow, which would have masked her trails, but personally I think she left right after she killed the last child. It would have been too dangerous for her to stay and Victoria has proved amply that she knows when it's time for her to leave. Anyway, I suspect that Victoria has no idea yet that you're not dead. As for kidnapping your friend…" He shrugged. "Victoria must have made contingency plans. A human life means very little to her, and if her first attempt at having you killed had succeeded, she'd have simply killed her and be done with it."

"It sounds like something Victoria would do," I whispered after a while, wishing I hadn't asked. My mind helpfully provided all sorts of images of Liv at Victoria's mercy and every single one made me sick to my stomach. If only I wasn't too late. If only we'd manage to find her.

If only Victoria didn't hurt her.

I balled my hands into fists. Edward glanced at me, frowning. "Bella?"

"If she hurts her," I whispered, a little surprised at the steely determination in my voice, "I'll make her suffer, I swear I will."

Edward's lips curved into a very, very cold smile. "I'll hold her down for you," he promised. "Any idea where we should go first?"

"Her parents' place, I think. They probably don't know anything, but still I want to talk to them."

Edward gave a curt nod.

Looking outside, I watched the city crawl past. _Don't let us be too late_, I pleaded. My words weren't directed at anyone in particular. I didn't believe in God, not really. How could I when so many bad things had happened to me? But I was sadly out of options. I needed all the help I could get and maybe, just maybe someone or something out there was listening.

If not for my sake, then for Liv's.

xx

I hadn't been paying close attention to my surroundings, wrapped up in my thoughts as I was, so Edward startled me when he said, "It's over there." He pulled up on the curb, managing to squeeze the car into a parking space I would have thought too small.

Looking outside, I followed his gaze. I was certain—as certain as you can't be when you have no visual memories of an event—that I'd never been in this part of the city before, which meant that Liv's parents must have moved sometime in the last two years. I'd feared that it would take us forever to find the right apartment building among the two dozen or so that rose into the cloudy sky, but I needn't have worried.

I felt my lips tighten as I stared at the media vans, at least half a dozen, parked in front of an apartment building on the left a little way down the street. The reporters and their camera crews were milling about on the pavement in front of it, a safe distance from the policemen on either side of the entrance, who glared at everyone happening to glance their way.

The media, it seemed, were having a field day.

I could hear them shouting at each other, caught bits and pieces of whispered conversations about how to get past the policemen and onto the eighth floor, where Liv's parents lived. I bared my teeth, snarling viciously. It was disgusting. Edward glanced my way, his face blank and devoid of emotion and his eyes hard. I didn't ask what the media people were thinking. I really didn't want to know.

"Things would be much easier if we could simply walk in there," Edward said two minutes later. With people busy staring, we'd climbed the apartment building across the street, literally scaring a nesting pigeon to death—the poor thing had taken one look at us and dropped dead after a single fluttering hop.

I grimaced.

"Well, it's true," Edward said, shrugging. "I'm going first unless you insist."

"Be my guest," I muttered. The building we'd chosen was several floors higher than the one Liv's parents lived in, which would make jumping across a little easier and we had to jump, because Edward was right. We'd never get in through the door. Luckily, there was no policeman in front of the apartment and the roof was unprotected as well.

Edward leapt across in a blur, landing on the other side with the grace of a bird of prey and the noise of a bear—a very tired and disoriented bear just out of hibernation—running headfirst into a tree. I saw him scowl and grinned. I didn't know about Edward, but the last time I'd stepped onto a scale I'd weighed roughly twenty pounds more than I had as a human, for whatever reason.

"I think you should try and land on the fire escape," Edward said, still frowning a little at the hole he must have left in the concrete.

I rolled my eyes and jumped, no nearly as gracefully as Edward had, but as that was because of the strange angle in which I had to fling myself over, I didn't give it too much thought. My fingers gripping the rail of the metal platform, I pulled myself up. I inspected the the rail to make sure my fingers hadn't twisted it, then gave the door that led into the building a tentative shove. It didn't budge. Peering through the safety glass, I saw a handle on the other side of the door.

Edward appeared next to me and very unceremoniously pried the door out of its hinges, though I had no idea how he managed to do so without any noise. As soon as we were inside, the put it back in place, although I seriously doubted that it would open after that.

Edward led the way, having a better notion of where to go. I felt anxiety stir again. Would Liv's parents talk to me? Would they even let me in? I'd understand if they didn't want to see me, but I had to talk to them. Hopefully, Edward would be able to learn something useful even if they refused.

"That's it," Edward announced eventually, jerking his chin at a door, the numbers two, eight and four above the nameplate in silver letters. Before I could change my mind, Edward had raised his hand and knocked twice.

I heard steps on the other side of the door, then a dog started barking, the kind of high-pitched yapping only a very little dog could produce. "Oh, be quiet," a woman said, annoyed, and the barking grew quieter, as if the dog had been locked into another room. Finally, the door opened, a woman looking levelly at both of us, with an expression that I didn't know what to make of.

Liv's mother hadn't changed at all. Her hair was still as dark as her daughter's, with very little grey in it, her blue eyes piercing and sharp. She was wearing a black business suit and artfully applied make-up, looking as if she'd just stepped out of an important meeting. "Well," she said, folding her arms in front of her chest and regarding me with raised eyebrows, "if it isn't Bella Swan." Her lips twitched a little. "And who might you be, young man?"

"I'm Edward Cullen," Edward replied politely as ever, throwing in a crooked smile for good measure, but unfortunately Caroline Alden didn't seem to be in the mood to be dazzled. "I'm a friend of Bella's."

"Really?" Caroline Alden pursed her lips, then snorted. "Well, as you're here, you might as well come on in. You can tell me how you got past the police." Following her inside, we found ourselves in a bright apartment. Everything in here was light. Light hardwood floor, light furniture, light accessories.

We were led into a generous living room. A little dining table with only four chairs sat in one corner, a large flat screen in another. Few pictures hung on the walls, which had been painted in what I recognised—thanks to Alice—as tangerine yellow, but the pictures that were on display had been chosen with care. Caroline and George Alden's wedding. Liv's christening. Liv's first birthday. Liv's sweet sixteen. Liv's high school graduation. Liv's graduation from med school.

"So?" Caroline Alden prompted, leaning against the frame of the door. "How'd you get in?"

"We used the fire escape," Edward replied, his lips twitching into a smile. Caroline Alden's eyebrows almost disappeared into her hairline.

"Really," she said again, somewhat ironically. It was obvious she didn't believe a word of what Edward had said. "Well." Pursing her lips, she looked first at me, then at Edward, probably trying to discern what we were really up to. "I suppose you've heard about Liv?" It wasn't really a question and she continued before either of us had a chance to reply, "You haven't spoken to my daughter in two years and suddenly you're interested in her again?" She snorted again. "I find that hard to believe."

"I had my reasons to leave," I replied as quietly as I could, trying not to show how much Caroline Alden's words had hit home. If not for Victoria, I'd probably have forgotten Liv eventually. I was only here because of that, not because of Liv herself. "It was better," I said. "Safer."

Caroline Alden simply lifted her eyebrows at me again.

"We were attending a medical conference in Minneapolis when we heard about Olivia," Edward said. "Bella was very worried, so we decided to fly over. We're very sorry."

"Yes, everyone's being very sorry," Caroline Alden snapped, scowling at each of us in turn. "And what good does it do to be sorry? My daughter's missing, maybe already dead and people are _sorry_." I glanced at Edward, who shook his head slightly, just as much at a loss as I was. I didn't know what I'd expected, but certainly not this. I remembered Liv's mother as a quiet, composed woman, who'd always smiled and never said a bad word to anyone, always seeing the good in people. Then again, I'd never seen her under stress and maybe she was just as incapable of showing grace under pressure as I was.

"What else are people supposed to say to show their support?" I asked, deciding to take a more direct approach.

"Nothing at all," Caroline Alden replied harshly. "It's bad enough for us as it is. We don't need people making us feel even worse."

"We're very sorry if we've offended you," Edward said. "We didn't mean to. We're only here, because we were worried. We'll completely understand if you want us to leave."

Caroline Alden sighed and ran her hand through her hair wavy brown hair. "Oh, well, now that you're here you might as well stay. I talked George into going grocery shopping, but he should be back in a few minutes and I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you." Her blue eyes twinkled, her expression growing almost mischievous. "I'm sure he'd like to show you his newest acquisitions. His collection has grown quite a lot and as you seemed so interested in our family history the last time, I'm sure it'll be a treat for you. Besides," a little sigh, "he could use the distraction." With that she turned and stomped out of the living room. A door was opened and shut. The little dog started barking again and was barked at in return.

"What was she talking about?" Edward asked curiously.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. I do remember Liv's father telling me about their family history, but I don't remember much of it. His great-grandparents moved here around 1890, but only Liv's great-great-grandfather George senior and her great-grandmother Frances survived the Spanish Flu." I frowned. "I can't remember for the life of me why I'd be so interested in that."

Edward was looking at me with a very odd expression.

"What?" I asked. Edward shook his head, but the frown that creased his forehead didn't disappear. I was about to demand what he was thinking—if he'd picked something up about Liv I needed to know—just as Caroline Alden rushed back into the room, carrying a tray holding tea and cake. The little dog, a longhaired chihuahua as far as I could tell, was darting around her legs, still yapping furiously. Amused, I watched it run full-speed towards us, its little teeth bared and wet with saliva, then its confusion as it realised that it wasn't the only predator present. I'd never have hurt a pet—dogs, or cats for that matter, didn't taste very good—but the dog didn't know that. Bracing his paws against the floor, it tried to brake, but as the floor seemed to have been policed recently it didn't find purchase until it thought to use its claws as well. Whining, it spun around once it had managed to stop and vanished, moving surprisingly fast for so little an animal.

Caroline Alden stared after it in confusion. Turning, I saw Edward trying to stifle a laugh and, when that didn't work so well, turning it into a very convincing cough. I raised an eyebrow.

"Most people don't seem to like that … creature very much," Edward explained, his voice low and inaudible for human ears. "They find it annoying."

"Hard to believe," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "And what's so funny about that?"

"Nothing actually, just that she'd thought we'd find that thing just as irritating as everyone else."

I sighed. "Is she very angry at me?"

"No, surprisingly not. Disappointed, because Liv was very worried when you disappeared so suddenly and without any warning, but she's still very fond of you. She doesn't mind you being here. In fact, she'd glad you still seem to care about her daughter, but she's determined not to let you off the hook easily."

"I deserve that, I guess," I replied unhappily, although I probably should have considered myself lucky that Liv's mother didn't hate me as I'd feared. But I felt like I was being blamed for something that wasn't my fault, because I'd never had a say in the matter. I'd been changed against my will and I'd had to leave against my will, because if I hadn't, I would have put everyone around me in danger.

"No," Edward said firmly, his eyes meeting mine. "You don't deserve that."

Caroline Alden, oblivious to our exchange, placed the tray carefully on the small coffee table in front of the sofa where we'd sat down, handing Edward a steaming mug of tea, which he immediately held out for me to take. I suppose old habits died hard, even human habits.

"Well," Caroline Alden said, stirring sugar into her own cup, "I'm curious. Why exactly have you come? And don't tell me it's because you're worried about Liv. People don't get on a plane and fly four hundred miles just because someone they were once friends with disappeared."

Edward and I exchanged a quick glance. I couldn't possibly tell her that I knew who'd taken her daughter and why, not because she wouldn't believe me—knowing her mother, she just might—but because it would have been too dangerous for her to know.

She sighed, putting her mug aside without ever having touched it. "You're not going to tell me, are you? Well, I guess now that you're here, I might as well tell you what I know. Why don't you tell me what you already know and I fill in the blanks?"

I quickly glanced at Edward, who nodded ever so slightly. Wishing I was able to look into Caroline Alden's mind as well, which must have been a very interesting place, I gave a short account of what we'd learned so far, editing just a little.

"You know almost everything already, then." Caroline Alden smiled thinly. "Well, we know that Liv disappeared on her way to work, because the hospital called her home when she didn't show up for her shift and her girlfriend—well, ex-girlfriend I guess—Eden Wallace, who happened to take the call, informed us. Dad thinks her abduction's connected to his upcoming election, but I don't really believe that. He's just a mayor for heaven's sake, not the President of the United States. It's what I told the police, but of course they're more inclined to believe him."

"Has your daughter noticed anything strange recently?" Edward asked. "Was someone following her, someone she's never seen before? Did she mention something like that to you?"

Caroline Alden pursed her lips, frowning. "Not that I recall. You'd have to ask Eden, though they haven't exactly been on speaking terms lately. Liv thinks it's time to move on, Eden doesn't agree." She waved her hand dismissively. "That kind of thing, you know. She only knows about Liv's disappearance, because they still live together as she hasn't found a place to stay yet." She looked at me. "Liv and Eden moved into the manor after she'd left Pasadena. I don't know if you remember. I think George took the two of you on a tour once, because it's really impressive. Nobody's lived in there for ten years, with us moving out when Liv left to go to college, but as it was always meant to be hers anyway, we gave it to her when she came back."

"The manor down in Lincoln Park?" I asked slowly, trying to remember. I faintly recalled a row of beautifully restored houses right at the edge of the park, all of them very impressive to behold. My memories were dim, as if I was seeing everything through steamed up glass. "The house next to it," I asked eventually, just to be sure my mind wasn't making things up, "did it have stained glass windows? With, uh, angels or something?"

"Victoria's Riflebirds," Edward said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"They're Victoria's Riflebirds," Edward explained, smiling a little at our confused expressions, but it was a strange, hollow smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Australian birds-of-paradise."

"How would you know that?" Caroline Alden asked suspiciously, then obviously decided that it didn't matter very much right now. "Anyway, that's the one. I'll give you Eden's number, so you can give her a call. Just a moment." She disappeared back into the kitchen, where I could hear her rummage around, searching for something to write. The dog, apparently having recovered, was yapping again, his nails clicking noisily over the tiles.

"Let's drop our bags off at my place before we go see Eden," Edward suggested, still with that odd expression on his face that I had no idea what to make of and frankly wasn't in the mood to try and decipher. Talking to Liv's mother hadn't told us anything new and I seriously doubted that Eden would know anything, provided she'd even speak to me, of course—our relationship had always been a little strained. I hoped we'd at least come across the scent of the vampire who'd taken her, despite the fact that it had been raining as much in Chicago in the past two days as it had been snowing back home. The rain would have washed everything away.

"I suppose," I replied, just as Caroline Alden returned with Eden's number. I stuffed the yellow post-it into the pocket of my jeans and thanked her, unable to quell the frustration that was hovering in the back of my mind.

What if we didn't find anything at all? What would we do then?

How was I supposed to save Liv when I had no way of tracking her down?

**tbc**

xx

What do you think?


	21. Ghosts, Part 2

**A/N:** Ladies and gentleman, TheaJ1 Productions proudly present the next chapter. It's been very difficult for me too write—language-wise—and it would never have turned out this way if it wasn't for KayMarieXW. She'd done a wonderful job with this chapter and given me many very, very useful suggestions that I hope I was able to implement successfully.

Thank you for all the reviews you guys wrote and also thanks to those who alerted to me! It means a lot to me that you like my story/my writing so much.

There will be another part of this chapter, but it's as good as done, so you won't have to wait more than a few days. Hope you'll like it!

Oh, yes, I'm afraid that I confused some of you with the name of the birds. The name has no meaning at all. I was simply looking for birds-of-paradise that had an actual name and weren't just called "something bird-of-paradise".

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

21. GHOSTS, PART 2

BELLA

We left the building the same way we'd entered it, over the fire escape. The policemen on either side of the door were too busy glaring at the media vultures, who seemed to have multiplied while we'd been inside, that they didn't glance our way for even half a second. Even so, we still hurried up, quietly slipping down the stairs. Because the rain provided extra cover, we were able to move very fast, too fast for human eyes to see more than a blur, and they'd only see that if they were looking closely.

Edward didn't speak as we made our way back to the car. Yet again we were the only two people without umbrellas, but this time nobody paid us much attention; the media spectacle was much more interesting. _Disgusting_, I thought, growling a little at the reporters clustered underneath the plastic roof of a van. Edward's lips curved into the sort of half-smile people gave when they knew they'd heard something amusing and were supposed to smile, but actually had no idea what it was because they'd been thinking of something else entirely.

I frowned as I slipped into the car beside him, trying not to drip too much water onto the leather seat. Edward had been unusually quiet since we left the Alden's apartment. True, he wasn't the sort of person to talk someone's ear off—which Alice more than made up for—but it wasn't like him to not have anything to say. I glanced at him repeatedly as he manoeuvred the car through the maze of one-way streets, but he didn't seem to notice and eventually I gave up.

He'd tell me sooner or later. Hopefully.

I decided to call Jake, who was probably half-crazy with worry. I was very much aware of the fact that he didn't trust Edward to keep me safe. Oh, it wasn't Edward's ability to protect me that he doubted, as he was well aware of his fighting skills. Jake simply had a hard time believing that Edward wouldn't hurt me again. He was worried that I would _allow_ him to hurt me again, which was the reason he felt so uneasy with me and Edward being alone.

I doubted that he'd ever trust Edward, no matter what I decided in the end.

Jake's cell phone went directly to voice mail, so I tried my landline. It rang once, twice, three times. Just as I was about to hang up and leave a message on his cell phone, he answered. "What is it?" he barked, panting as if he'd just run a marathon.

I blinked. "Jake?"

"What? Oh, Bells, it's you," Jake grumbled. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting you. How's it going?"

"Not very well," I replied very slowly, the distinct feeling that Jake was up to something he didn't want me to know creeping up my spine. Jake wasn't a very good liar and he wasn't very good at hiding pack-unrelated things from me. He would get cross at me for no reason whatsoever as if it were my fault that he couldn't or wouldn't to tell me something. He was like a four-year-old who tried to blame you for the fact that you'd just caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. "What's going on?" I demanded.

"Why do you think something's going on?" he asked defensively. "Don't you think I'd tell you if there was? You should really know me better than that."

I rolled my eyes. Yes, there was definitely something going on. I did know him after all. It was just like him to make me feel guilty for being angry when he'd done something wrong.

It wasn't as if he hadn't done it before.

"You didn't trash my living room again, did you?" I asked warily, vaguely remembering catching Jake and Embry rolling around in the remains of my living room furniture.

"Thank you so much for the vote of confidence," he muttered indignantly. "Everything's fine. Peachy. I was just watching TV when you called. That's all. So, how's it going?"

"You just asked me that."

"I didn't," he grunted. "I'd remember if I… Jesus Christ! SHUT IT!" he roared so suddenly I dropped the phone into my lap, startled. Edward shot me a look that clearly questioned Jake's sanity. I just shrugged.

"Bells?" His muffled voice came from the speaker. "You still there? I wasn't yelling at you."

"I really hope you weren't," I retorted frostily, gingerly picking up the phone. "Who the hell are you yelling at in my house?"

"Nobody," he said hastily. "Look, I really have to go. Alice asked me to tell you that if you decide to talk to what's-her-name Eden Walter… Wilbur… whatever her last name is. Don't call her before you drop by for a visit. Bye, Bells."

The line went dead. I stared at the phone in my hand, dumbfounded. I was confused by Jake's erratic behaviour, not to mention surprised that he'd hung up on me in the middle of a conversation.

"Maybe Alice knows what's going on," Edward suggested. He didn't seem to be able to decide if he should find Jake's behaviour irritating or amusing.

Well, I certainly found it the former.

Alice's phone was out of service, of course.

Frustrated, I tossed the phone back into my bag. No, Liv going missing obviously wasn't enough. Now I also had to worry about what mischief Jake might have gotten himself into back home. Undoubtedly with Alice's assistance, why else would she have switched off her phone?

Edward gave me a sympathetic smile, but was wise enough not to say anything. I only would have snapped at him anyway. I slumped back into my seat and stared outside, watching the rain fall and the drops splatter against the window. The sky was pitch black, the storm I'd sensed approach very close now. Lightning flashed across the sky and gave the clouds an eerie yellow tinge, thunder following closely behind. I'd never liked storms much when I was human, mostly because they meant power outages and uprooted trees, but I loved them now. During a storm I didn't have to hide who I was. I didn't have to measure my strength to avoid making too much inexplicable noise, didn't have to be on the lookout for humans, because when the world was ending most of them stayed inside to sit it out.

Did the Cullens still play baseball during thunderstorms?

I looked at Edward, who'd fallen silent again, his forehead creased pensively, and a slight smile settled on my face. I'd love to join them one day, someday when this nightmare was over, whenVictoria was dead and Liv was back with her family.

My smile disappeared, wiped away in an instant. Would Liv ever see her family again? I could only hope that Victoria would keep her alive for as long as it took for us to find her, but I knew I shouldn't count on that. Victoria was getting impatient, desperate. She'd caused more damage in the past week alone than in the last nine years, which told me that she wanted this to be over, that she wanted to kill me, possibly Edward too, and finally be done with it.

Victoria was pragmatic. Why keep Liv, who needed to be fed and protected from so many different things a vampire wouldn't even think twice about, alive when she'd be just as much use dead? Victoria had probably killed her already, knowing I'd still take the bait, fuelled by the desire for revenge, just as she was.

I didn't allow myself to go there, because if I did, it would mean that I'd have to accept that Liv was already dead and that there was nothing more I could do to change the outcome. I wasn't ready to do that yet. I didn't think I'd ever be. And I didn't want to let her go.

"We're here," Edward said quietly. The engine died, steam hovering over the hood. The storm was almost directly above us now, thunder rumbling and lightning erupting with barely a fraction of a second in between. I looked outside at the house he was pointing at, squinting a little through the rain that made it difficult to see, even for me.

The birds in the windows, their blue wings spread wide, were the first thing I saw.

That's when I remembered. It began as a feeling, that kind of nagging certainty that tells you that you've forgotten something vital, something that you needed to remember, but then memories popped into my mind like a hundred flare guns going off simultaneously, so many human memories. Memories I thought I'd lost forever. Many of them were faded like photographs left lying in the sun for too long, but at least they were still there. Now that I'd pulled them into my mind once more, I wouldn't forget them again, no matter how fuzzy they were.

In the memory that stood out most, I was standing just outside the iron-wrought gate admiring the little birds set in between the bars, the sun hot on my skin. Next to me Liv was leaning against the fence, rolling her eyes every now and then, because she didn't want to be here. To be honest, neither did I, though I found her father's lecture pretty interesting. It was just so hot and we'd planned on going for a swim so I had no idea how he'd managed to talk me into taking a tour of the neighbourhood instead.

Well, most likely he'd just asked. I was incapable of saying no after all.

Liv had warned me that her father was a little obsessed with the history of their family, just like his grandmother Frances had been obsessed with it up until the day she passed away. Their family had almost been eradicated in 1918 like so many others. When Liv had first told me, my mind had dredged up the memory of Edward telling me a similar story, but by then I'd been better and I'd learned to deal with painful snippets of recollections my mind dragged into my consciousness occasionally. As I listened to Liv's father tell us about people neither Liv nor I knew, because they'd lived and died almost a hundred years ago, I barely thought of Edward.

"Most of the houses are still original," George Alden told us, gesturing at the magnificent buildings around us, "but the people living here aren't. Frances, my grandmother lived here with her older brother George junior and their parents Abigail and George Alden senior. When I was a kid, she used to tell me stories about the trouble her brothers and his friends got into." He shook his head, grinning. "She loved him, because he doted on her and never told her to buzz off when he was with his friends, which he was most of the time. He took care of her, too, as George Alden senior didn't have much time for his children. He was a fairly successful attorney and had a law firm together with a friend, so he wasn't at home most of the time. In the fall of 1918 he was out of town, which is probably what saved his life.

"George was the first of his friends to get sick. They didn't know what it was, of course, because it started out innocent enough. They thought he just had a cold. There's a picture somewhere, with the five of them sitting in front of the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate. They all died within days of each other. There was John Montgomery, the boy Frances had a crush on. They lived over there." He pointed at one of the smaller houses down the street.

I had to put my hand over my eyes to make it out through the glaring sunlight. Liv just rolled her eyes again; she'd already heard this story and been forced to stare at these houses a hundred times.

"His mother," her father continued, "was the only one who survived and she sold the house and moved away shortly after her family had been put to rest. Then there's Peter Rutherford. That over there was their place." Another house, with a weathercock on the roof, the metal green with age. "His family was lucky, I suppose. He died, but his parents and his two little sisters lived. They moved away as well and never came back. Arthur Cartwright and his brother died, but their parents and their baby sister, who was just a few weeks old at the time miraculously survived." He sighed. "The last of the lot was Edward Masen junior, the son of George Alden senior's partner. That was theirs."

Liv's father was still speaking, but the words got lost somewhere on the way and didn't make it into my brain. I was staring at the beautiful manor, my body going numb. I was gasping for air like a fish out of water, unable to press oxygen into my lungs. That's where Edward had been born and raised. That's where he'd lived seventeen years of his life until he'd been killed by a disease that had torn so many families apart. "Bella?" Liv asked, concerned.

There the memory ended. I was sucked into the present again, away from the glaring sun and back into the roaring storm. I stared up at the house, the birds in the windows almost coming alive with the lightning flashing across the black sky.

I blinked. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten it. What else had I lost?

I didn't know what to say.

Edward smiled faintly. "I knew them, you know. Your friend's descendants. I don't remember very well," an apologetic smile, "even though we were very close, best friends even. I don't know how much you know… According to what I saw in Caroline Alden's mind today, you must know at least something, but the question is how much you remember." His expression turned inquisitive.

"I remember a little," I replied quietly, my voice shaky. "Liv's father told me about you and your friends… John, Peter and Arthur. I know that you all died within days of each other, but that yours was the only family that was completely wiped out. I think he may have told me something about those windows as well, but it's gone."

"My father had them made for my mother for their fifteenth wedding anniversary," Edward told me, gazing at the house as well. I wondered if the memories he still had of this place were happy memories, memories from before he and his parents had been killed by a disease that had destroyed so many lives. "You could say she was a hobby ornithologist. She used to sit in the garden for hours, watching and drawing the birds that lived in the trees. I still have her sketch books. I couldn't bring myself to part with them."

We were silent for a very long time. The sky turned lighter as the storm moved on. It was still raining furiously, the water drumming steadily on the roof of the car. In the greyish light the birds in the windows looked almost sad, lost.

"George was my best friend," Edward said eventually. "He never let me down. No matter how many idiotic ideas I came up with—and I came up with more idiotic ideas than you'd think me capable of—I could always count on his help. I won't let his family down now."

xxx

"Are you sure we shouldn't call first?" I asked, my hand already poised to knock. I knew that Alice was usually right, but as she seemed to have allied with Jake to help him hide whatever it was he was hiding from me, I was a lot less inclined to believe her. Eden didn't like me much anyway and I failed to see how not calling before I descended on her would change that.

"I'd do as Alice says," Edward replied not very helpfully, chuckling quietly when I tilted my head backwards to glare at him. He was leaning casually against the wooden railing of the stairs leading up to the front door, gazing thoughtfully at the house.

_How many hours_, I wondered, d_id he spend inside these walls with his friends? How many times did he jump up these very stairs?_ I didn't think that I could fully comprehend what the fact that Liv was his best friend's great-grandniece meant to him. I wasn't as old as he was, hadn't lived as long and lost as many people as he had. Everyone I'd ever known as a human was still alive, aside from my grandparents; they had passed away a very long time ago when I was still very little. A part of his past, of a past he'd probably put behind him, had suddenly come alive again.

_At least_, I thought, smiling a little, a smile that Edward tentatively returned when he caught it, _he finally seems to believe that it was Victoria, who took her. Or maybe he thinks that it's better to be safe than sorry, which isn't a bad thing either._

"You're sure?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow. Edward sighed in fake exasperation, leaned past me and rapped his knuckles smartly against the door. "We could at least have waited for her to wake up," I muttered.

Edward rolled his eyes.

The house remained silent. Eden was fast asleep; the rhythm of her beating heart didn't change for even half a second.

Edward frowned, knocking again. "I don't think she's feeling very well," he said. "Her mind's a little fuzzy, fuzzier than is normal for a sleeping human."

"She may have taken a sedative," I suggested, peering through the round stained-glass window set into the door. The long hallway was dark. I caught a glimpse of movement on the stairs, which turned out to be a tortoiseshell cat with so much fur it looked like a miniature lion. It stared at us with unblinking green eyes. I hissed, unable to resist the temptation. The cat didn't seem very impressed; it simply bared its teeth in a sibilant hiss of its own and didn't so much as twitch its bushy tail.

"I don't think that's it," Edward said without commenting on my display of childish behaviour and knocked a third time. Finally, Eden stirred. The cat's ears twitched into the direction of the living-room. Eden slowly padded into view, a woollen blanket wrapped loosely around her shoulders. "Maybe we should have called after all," Edward said, his eyebrows raised.

I shot him a glare.

Eden opened the door, took one look at us and looked as if her day, which couldn't have been so great to begin with, had just turned infinitely worse. Up close, she looked horrible. Eden wasn't what you'd call pretty, even though there was a certain severe beauty about her. Today, however, her square face with its prominent cheekbones was ashen, her green eyes dull. She'd pulled her blond hair into a sloppy bun, but a few strands had come loose and were plastered across her forehead, which was sticky with sweat. The unmistakably sour odour of vomit clung to her clothes.

"I'm so sorry, Eden," I said, cursing Alice. "I had no idea you were sick."

"I'm not sick," she rasped. "I just have a migraine." She pressed her knuckled against her left temple, rubbing slowly up and down. "Well, the mother of all migraines actually."

"Did you take something?" Edward asked, concerned.

"Do you think I'm masochistic?" Eden snapped, then suddenly spun around and hurried away, hands pressed firmly in front of her mouth. She slammed the bathroom door shut behind her, but that didn't keep us from hearing her throw up noisily into the toilet.

Edward and I exchanged a look. I sighed and walked inside. I couldn't leave Eden alone like this. Maybe Liv, who suffered from migraines as well, had painkillers somewhere that were stronger than the ones Eden had taken. And then, of course, normal painkillers were powerless against a full-blown migraine anyway, as Liv had told me.

I was beyond glad that I'd never had to experience what a migraine was like first-hand, because it didn't sound pleasant at all.

Edward followed me inside, closing the door behind us. The cat hissed and darted up the stairs, disappearing around the corner, all feline bravery gone. Eden was sitting beside the toilet, holding her head and whimpering quietly. Edward waited outside, but he kept shooting sympathetic glances at the door of one who knew exactly what it felt like to be in that kind of pain.

"Do you know where Liv keeps her meds?" I asked softly, crouching down beside Eden and gently touching her forehead. She surprised me by leaning into my touch.

"Your hand's so cold," she muttered almost relieved, then, realising I'd asked her a question, added, "In her bathroom upstairs. I just didn't know…After the police were here… And I don't know how to use a syringe…" Tears welled up in her eyes.

"You should lie down again," I suggested quietly. Eden gave a jerky nod and pulled herself up. I picked up the blanket she'd dropped. It smelled horribly of sweat and vomit. Eden slowly walked back into the living room, almost absentmindedly rubbing her temple again. Edward appeared on the stairs, a small bottle and a syringe in his hand.

The look on his face stopped me from following Eden into the living room.

"What did you find?" I whispered, suddenly tense. Edward closed the distance between us, holding out a frayed piece of dark green fabric with a bit of red and white yarn attached to it. I didn't have to press it against my face to smell it. The vampire scent that clung to it was so strong that I wondered why I hadn't noticed it sooner. My eyes met Edward's. "Eden just told me the police were here. They searched the room and never would have missed this."

"No, they wouldn't," Edward agreed softly, his eyes flashing. "Whoever planted this after they were gone knew or was at least very certain you'd come. Which makes this a trap."

"We knew that before."

"We suspected it was trap," Edward corrected, slipping the piece of fabric into the pocket of his jeans. "Now we know for sure. Victoria knows that we don't have much to go on, so she instructed her local operative to leave this for us, hoping we'd be desperate enough to act on it."

"Are we?" I asked, although I knew that the decision was really up to me, was my call. If I decided to run into Victoria's trap, well, then Edward would just have to live with it. I wouldn't let him stop me. Not if there was even a remote chance I might learn something that would me help rescue Liv.

"Let's talk to Eden first," he said eventually, forcing his lips into a strained smile.

Eden lay curled up on an old-fashioned sofa that stood across from a fireplace, with dying embers behind the grate, all that was left of a warming fire. Two equally old-fashioned armchairs were on either side of it. Edward's eyes were unreadable as he gazed around the spacious room.

"I'm really sorry to barge in on you like that," I said, pulling up the syringe after I'd read the instructions on the back of the bottle. I wasn't exactly a migraine specialist, so I didn't know how high a dosage I needed to give her. "That's Edward, by the way."

Edward smiled absently, but Eden didn't look his way anyway. Her eyes were closed, her hand pressed against her forehead. She was sweating. "I hate you," Eden muttered indistinctly. "Do you know what Liv went through after you disappeared?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Eden barely flinched when the needle pierced her skin. The syringe empty, I slowly pulled it out. I held my breath as a tiny, perfectly circular drop of blood appeared on her pale skin and quickly put a Band-Aid over the wound. "I left because it was better for everyone."

"That's what Liv thought," Eden replied, forcing her eyes open. She pulled herself in a sitting position, her lips pressed tightly together to make sure she didn't accidentally throw up on me. "Not at first, though. At first she was worried, then furious and then she'd worry again. It was like that for over four months. Then she finally seemed to accept the fact that you'd gone and would probably never return." She snorted. "I was so jealous. She's never been that concerned about me. Eventually I realised that she was grieving. I have to explain the stages of grief to people who come to my practice almost every day, but it took me forever to figure it out with Liv. In the end she decided to return to Chicago. We've lived here for a little over a year now." She sighed. "Liv broke up with me last week. I only still live here, because I haven't had the time to go apartment hunting yet. Besides, she'll probably change her mind again."

The way Eden talked about Liv made it very clear that she had convinced herself that Liv would come back again. I smiled sadly. I wish I could have said the same for me.

"You don't seem very surprised that I'm here," I said after a moment.

Eden shrugged. "Oh, I _am_ surprised. My head just hurts too much to show it. You want to ask me about the day she disappeared, don't you?"

"I do," I admitted, "but I can wait until you feel better."

Eden snorted, then grimaced and pressed her hand against her temple again. "Blasted migraine," she muttered under her breath. Edward slipped into the armchair beside me, smiling faintly. "At least today they have medication that actually works," he said with feeling, too low for Eden to pick up. "Imagine you only had aspirin." He made a face. "I can honestly say that the pain of the transformation was worse, but not much."

Yes, I was definitely glad that I'd missed out on that experience.

"What do you want to know?" Eden asked harshly. She reached for the cup of cold peppermint tea that sat on the coffee table and wet her lips.

"Everything."

"That really narrows it down," Eden said ironically, wedging the cup between her knees. "Well, she left for work around seven like she did every day. The hospital's just on the side of the park and it doesn't take more than twenty minutes to get there, fifteen if you hurry. It was my day off, so I was home when a nurse called at nine to ask if Liv was ill, because she hadn't shown up for her shift and Liv had never been late before. You know how diligent she is. I told her that she'd left over two hours ago, then called her parents to find out if they were okay. Her Dad has a weak heart and that was the only reason I could think of why Liv hadn't shown up at work without calling. Caroline told me that George was fine and that they hadn't spoken to Liv since the night before. They called the police." Eden paused, pulling the damp blanket tighter around her for comfort. "I didn't expect too much to come out of it, what with having to wait forty-eight hours and all, but an hour later I had two dozen policemen crawling all over the house and a K-9 unit in the backyard. I was told that the dogs had followed Liv's trail almost to the centre of the park, then lost it. I wasn't there, but I could hear them barking like crazy." She slowly shook her head. "I have no idea why they flipped out like that."

I felt Edward's gaze on me, but I didn't turn. We both knew why they had reacted like that. Most animals, including other predators, would avoid crossing a vampire's path at all cost, even if they didn't really know what to make of the scent. If only it hadn't been raining like that, I thought unhappily, glancing outside. It was still sheeting.

"The police asked me if Liv had noticed anyone following her," Eden continued. "I told them she hadn't, but we haven't talked much since we broke up, so maybe she did notice something after all and just didn't tell me." Her shoulders slumped. "That's what I keep going back to. What if she didn't tell me, because I was so angry at her for breaking up with me?"

"It's not your fault," I said softly, reaching out to pat her shoulder. "The police will find her, I'm sure." I didn't want to lie to Eden, but I could hardly tell her the truth. It was best to let her think that there was still hope.

"I think I'd like to get some sleep now," Eden said, a dismissal. "The pain's getting a little better and a migraine always knocks me out."

"Yes, of course." I smiled, rising to my feet. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to check up on you later in case you need another shot."

"Whatever," Eden muttered as she pulled the blanket up to her chin, stuffing a pillow under her head. "Just close the door on your way out."

xxx

The piece of green fabric, which Edward had found in Liv's room, lay between us on the mahogany table in the drawing room. The light filtering in though the colourful windows painted random patterns on the shiny surface. We hadn't spoken since we left Liv's house, because there was nothing to discuss. We could either try and track down the vampire that piece of clothing belonged to and rush into a trap or we could leave Chicago and every chance we had of finding Liv.

I'd already made up my mind. Edward didn't know yet and I was trying to find the right words to tell him, because I knew he'd never agree to it. But I couldn't leave Liv to her fate. I just couldn't.

"We have no choice," Edward said eventually, breaking into my thoughts. He was looking outside into the front yard. He sounded as drained and exhausted as I felt, his voice flat as if he didn't like very much what he was about to say next, but would say it anyway.

I steeled myself.

"At least we know we'll be running into a trap."

I blinked. "What?"

Edward's lips curved into that crooked smile of his, but there was something flickering in his eyes that I couldn't quite identify. "I can hardly blame you for thinking that I'd suggest we go home. I've spent a lot of time trying to keep you out of trouble after all."

"I didn't," I began, but of course that was exactly what I'd assumed he would say. "I did," I amended, "but I shouldn't have, all things considered. I'm sorry."

It was hard not to feel guilty for believing that he'd simply let Liv die, because he didn't want to put me in danger. He'd reacted so violently to Jasper's suggestion they use me as bait. Running straight into a trap wasn't any different and even more dangerous.

"Please don't apologise," Edward said softly. "I don't blame you. Frankly, I still find it a little difficult to adjust my thinking. Part of me still sees you as the fragile human you used to be, not the strong and almost indestructible vampire you are now."

"I still should have had more faith in you," I replied, unable to ignore the guilt hovering in the back of my mind. "Especially after you'd told me about your friend."

Edward smiled sadly. "There are things you can't force, Bella."

Silence fell except for the rain drumming quietly against the windows.

_How do you forgive someone for lying? _I wondered. _How do you forgive a lie that's caused so much pain for so many different people? Is that even possible?_

"We should wait until after it's dark." Edward's voice was brisk when he spoke. "I wish Jasper were here, but we can't change the fact that he isn't, so we'll just have to deal with it ourselves. I'll call him, though, Alice as well. Maybe that way we'll be able to even out the odds a little"

"I'll go check up on Eden then," I replied, once more grateful that Edward had decided to support me unconditionally, very much aware of the fact that alone I wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in hell.

Eden was still asleep when I knocked at the front door. A couple underneath an umbrella with old-fashioned floral printed shuffled by just as I was knocking again, their little dog pulling at its leash and barking its lungs out at me. The man yanked the dog back to shut it up, but shot me a strange look.

I sighed. If I'd known how many people would stare at me just because I didn't have an umbrella, I'd have brought one along.

I raised my hand to knock a third time and that's when I finally realised that the house was completely silent except for the thrumming heartbeat of the cat somewhere upstairs. I frowned. Eden could have gone for a walk, I supposed, but we would have heard her leave and the way she'd looked only two hours ago she couldn't have gone very far even if she'd wanted to.

_I'm sure there is a completely logical explanation_, I told myself firmly, wrenching open the door. It creaked quietly as it swung open, then a gust of cold air almost slammed it back into my face. I stepped aside and caught it, closing it gently once I was inside. Inside the house it was just as cold as outside.

"Eden?" I called, although I already knew that she couldn't be here. I walked into the living room, deliberating whether or not I should ask Edward to come over even though he was busy planning—whatever good it would do us—and froze.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to come back," the vampire sitting on the sofa said, smiling. "I've been waiting forever."

—

Please don't hate me for the cliffhanger! How did you like it?


	22. Ghosts, Part 3

**A/N**: Here's the conclusion! Thanks to **KayMarieXW** for beta-reading. I'm very glad to have you! Thanks to those who made the effort to write a review. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. They keep me going!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga and all its characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

22. GHOSTS, PART 3

BELLA

Every time I tried to remember what happened after I'd found the vampire in a torn United States Marine Corps uniform sitting on Liv's sofa, Eden's limp body draped over her legs like a discarded rag doll, I could never quite piece it together. I recalled the despair that had surged through me and the fury that had followed it. I even recalled going straight for the vampire's jugular, although I must have been aware of the fact that she was much better trained than I was and that I was no match for her at all.

After that I only remembered fragments, colours mostly and sounds and the rage that had driven me to run faster than I'd ever run before, to go into pursuit and damn the consequences.

The first complete memory I had after entering Liv's house was that of Edward wrapping his arms around my torso like steel cables and yanking me back mid-run. I was smashed into him so hard that our bodies collided with the sound of an avalanche breaking loose. I fought to bring my arms up, tried to free myself out of his grip, but Edward held on, wrestling me into the muddy ground until my feet couldn't find any more purchase. I slipped, staggering to regain my balance, which gave Edward time to wrap his arms around me even more securely.

I snarled and hissed and swore and still Edward wouldn't let go. I felt his lips at my ear, knew he was whispering to me urgently, pleadingly, but through the crimson haze of rage his words didn't make any sense.

Eden was dead, murdered by a vampire because she'd happened to be home, because she'd happened to know me. And that was what it came down to really. Me. If it wasn't for me, Liv would never have been abducted. If it wasn't for me, Hannah Osprey, Camille Reed, Hannah Green, Izobel Martinez and Antonia Swann would still be alive. If it wasn't for me, Freya would still be human.

If I didn't exist, none of this ever would have happened.

_You could have ended it, you kno_w, a voice in the back of my mind remarked snidely. _You could have let those vampires tear you apart and that would have been the end of it. Eden wouldn't have been murdered. Or, better yet, you could have gone looking for Victoria and let her kill you. Liv would never have been taken if you weren't such a coward._

_Yes_, I thought bitterly, finally going limp in Edward's arms as realisation hit me, _that's exactly what I am_. A coward. And because I was so many others had to suffer, innocents who didn't deserve to die, didn't deserve to lose people they loved, daughters, wives and children.

If Jake hadn't been with me when Victoria found me and I'd have died like I was supposed to, they'd all still be alive.

"…to me, please." Edward's urgent words slowly trickled into my awareness as he shook me, cradling me against his chest. "…have to listen to me," he urged again.

Slowly I lifted my head, half turning in his arms to meet his eyes. They flashed with relief when I finally responded, his arms falling away as if he'd suddenly remembered that he didn't know if I wanted him so close to me, almost intimately close.

"They're on their way," he explained quickly. "They're only four of them, so we might be able to take them with a little luck. The vampire you were pursuing is their leader." He paused, his eyes briefly scanning the trees behind me, searching for movement. "I can't read her mind," he continued quickly, "and the others don't know anything aside from the fact that they are to ambush us, so I have no idea what exactly she's intending to do. What happened, Bella?" he asked then, frowning slightly. "I heard you scream, so I went to find out what was going on and realised you must have gone off after another vampire. Why would you do that? I almost didn't reach you in time. You're incredibly fast."

"You should have left me alone," I whispered, balling my hands. I didn't remember screaming, but even so I wished that I hadn't, wished that Edward wasn't so fast, because then I'd have gotten her and she would have killed me and this nightmare would have been over. "Eden is dead. We were right next door and she killed her anyway. I want it to end, Edward. I want it to be over!"

"Bella, we…" Edward began, his expression pained with just the barest hint of exasperation, then his head suddenly snapped around, his lips curled back and his teeth bared in a vicious snarl. His eyes were unreadable as he briefly glanced at me, then stepped in front of me, slipping into a defensive crouch.

_Why? _I wanted to ask him. _Why are you doing this? Why won't you let them kill me?_ But I couldn't bring myself to utter the words aloud. And so I said nothing as I stared over Edward's shoulder into the woods. The park around us was quiet except for the soft whisper of several vampires' swift passage, the animals having fled as they usually did.

We'd run into a trap we'd intended to run into all along, but I couldn't shake the sudden feeling of unease that wrapped itself around my bones. What if Edward wasn't strong enough to defend us both? I was no help, having spent every single training session I'd had so far learning how to escape rather than attack. I wasn't afraid to die, because then it would be over and while the damage caused by Victoria couldn't be undone, she'd have no reason to continue to kill, not because of me. Edward, however, despite everything he'd done to me, despite all the pain he'd put me through, had put us both through, didn't deserve to die. Especially not because I was incapable of protecting myself.

Edward growled, shifting his weight so that he stood even closer to me, and then it began.

They shot out of the trees like bullets, just as quietly and lethal, their plan of attack painfully obvious even to me: come at us from two sides and separate us if possible. There were four of them, as Edward had said, one male and three females, one of them the woman who'd once been a Marine. The leader. The male, who was very tall and gangly and couldn't have been older than fifteen years when he was turned, didn't stray from her side, mirroring her every movement as if they were but a single entity. It was these two that Edward focused on, leaving me to deal with the two females, who were running side by side as well. They were both petite, with very delicate features framed by soft curls the colour of copper. They looked so much alike that I was sure they were related, sisters maybe.

The trees and bushes around us stood so close that we had very little room to effectively evade them. Forced to rely on his instincts and his experience alone, Edward was watching the Marine very closely, carefully analysing the way she moved. The male left her side for just a moment, darting forward to take a playful swipe at Edward as if to test the water. Edward ducked out of the way almost lazily at which the male laughed, quite obviously amused, and returned to his leader's side.

The sisters were still coming straight at me, their teeth bared. I was very much aware that if I broke away from Edward's side I would do exactly what they intended, but I also knew that I had no choice. Jasper's warning not to let any attacker get their hands on me rang loud and clear through my mind. If I didn't start moving soon, they'd almost certainly catch me.

_Let them_, that persistent voice in the back of my mind insisted. _It'll end then!_

I hesitated. Would it? I hadn't forgotten that Victoria wanted to kill me only to get back at Edward. Despite all she'd done to me, all the pain she'd caused me for her I was still just a means to an end. What if they didn't stop just because I was dead? What if they killed Edward as well? I knew that the rest of his family had been just in James' death as well, but Victoria didn't seem to care about that. Maybe she didn't know. Maybe she simply believed that James' death was ultimately Edward's fault, because he never would have died if Edward hadn't tried so desperately to protect me.

That settled it.

I spun around, heading for the underbrush, but I wasn't fast enough. Hands seized my shoulders and I was yanked back, landing on my back and skidding through the mud into a tree. The impact caused the trunk to split, its two halves slowly leaning apart, resisting gravity for just a moment before they fell earthward with a deafening crack. I scrambled to my feet, narrowly avoiding the clutching hands of one of the sisters at me and sending mud and splinter of woods flying everywhere. The second sister materialised in front of me in a flash, already swinging around to gather momentum, and although I knew exactly what she had in mind it was too late to do anything about it. Her foot hit me squarely in the chest and I stumbled backwards. Falling, I twisted around without really knowing what I was hoping to achieve. My brain hadn't yet automated the moves I'd been shown and remembering took too much time. In the end I simply slithered ungracefully out of the way. I leapt up, slipping in a little, but the sisters were having a hard time gaining foothold as well. I dashed off again, risking a hurried glance over my shoulder to see how Edward was doing.

They seemed to be dancing a dance only they knew the steps of. Despite the fact that Edward couldn't rely on his gift to anticipate her next moves, he was able to land blows and dodge them more often than the Marine, who must have received excellent training when she was still human. This spoke volumes about his fighting skills. Edward drove his fist into the Marine's stomach, slamming his knee into her face when she folded up like a jack-knife, which sent her flying. The male was nowhere to be seen.

I found out why a nanosecond later. Turning, I found myself directly in front of him. I dug my heels into the ground, gasping, and spun around again, but the sisters were behind me and I suddenly had nowhere to go but up. I jumped. The male swore violently and leapt after me, gesturing wildly at the sisters as he did.

The Marine screeched in panic.

I craned my neck to see what was going on. Edward had managed to get his arms around the Marine's head, his knee pressing her into the ground as he pulled. Snarling furiously, the male dropped back to earth to come to his leader's aid. Edward's grip suddenly loosened, then his arms fell away and he sank into the mud, his eyes wide with horror.

Panic surged through my body. His body was still and unmoving. When the male picked him up by the collar of his shirt as if he was a misbehaving puppy, grabbed his head and slowly began twisting it around, Edward didn't even flinch.

I screamed, dropping back down as well and tripping over my own feet in my haste to help him, to save him. The sisters were on either side of me in a flash, seizing my arms and yanking me back. I tried to pull them out of their grip, tried with all the strength I had, but it wasn't enough. They were too strong and they held me down unrelentingly, forcing me to watch as Edward's skin began to crack, fine black lines slowly spreading from his left clavicle up to his right ear like a spider web.

The male was going to kill him and there was nothing at all I could do about it.

_No!_ No. No. NO! He couldn't. He couldn't kill him. If he did, I'd be alone again, I would never find out if I was able to forgive him eventually or what the future might have in store for us. The lies he'd told me had almost destroyed me, but I'd never wanted him to die.

And in that very moment I realised that we would work things out eventually, that I'd find a way to forgive him in the end, because I loved him and would always love him for as long as we both lived.

Inside my mind something snapped.

Suddenly Edward could move again. He twisted in the male's grip, his teeth easily piercing the skin of his neck. His head slowly tilted backwards, then fell away and rolled in front of the Marine's feet. She stared down at it in disbelief and shock, wasting valuable seconds. Edward lunged at her, taking her completely by surprise.

The sisters cried out in shock and fear. I used their distraction to yank my arms free, spun around and tackled the female on my left, slamming her into the ground. I saw dread flash up in her eyes when she realised that my teeth were just millimetres away from her throat. A whimper escaped her lips. Her sister, who'd turned around and thrown herself at me, stopped dead in her tracks, her beautiful face twisted in panic. She was confused because she didn't understand why Hugh, the male and the strongest vampire she'd ever met in her very short existence aside from her, was dead and scared because she feared for her sister's life, the only one who'd ever stood up for her.

I had no idea how I knew that, but I'd worry about that later.

"Don't step any closer," I growled, sparing a moment to glance at Edward. The Marine didn't seem to have fully recovered from her surprise yet. Looking more closely, I saw that Edward wasn't simply matching her swift, efficient movement anymore; he was countering them before she had fully executed them, as if he suddenly had access to her mind.

"Please don't hurt her," the sister whimpered, her voice shaking. "If you let her go, we'll leave you and your friend alone. If we knew what we were getting ourselves into, we never would have said yes when she found us."

"She?"

"Sarah," she replied hastily, jerking her chin at the Marine. "She came to Lynn and me and told us that we would never have to go hungry again if we joined her. We didn't know what she was or what we'd signed up for until afterwards. That other vampire, the redhead, changed us."

I knew that she was telling the truth just as I seemed to have known what she had been thinking only moments ago.

"Where's the human?" I demanded, though for some reason I was sure that neither of them knew anything about Liv's disappearance. Still, it couldn't hurt to ask.

"I don't know." She swallowed visibly, but her voice was firmer now. "We're not that high up in the chain of command, so we didn't even know that Sarah had been ordered to abduct the human until it was all over. Hugh was furious when he found out that she hadn't told him about it. They are…," her eyes briefly travelled to where the remains of Hugh's body were lying, his crimson eyes staring emptily at the sky, "were very close. Sarah handed the human over the redhead, but I don't know where she took her. After that Sarah moved us to Chicago. She ordered us to ambush the vampire who would come looking for the human and her mate, who'd most likely be with her, and kill them if we got the chance. It wasn't what Sarah herself had been ordered to do, though. Lynn overheard her admitting to Hugh that we were to take you alive. I don't know why she lied to us and I really don't care."

"Are there more of you?" I asked.

"I honestly don't know. I'd tell you if I did, I swear. Please, you have to believe me." Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Let her go. Lynn's all I have left. We promise to leave you alone."

"I believe you," I said eventually, though for the life of me I had no idea why I was convinced that she'd told me the truth and that she meant what she'd promised. I shook my head, which seemed to be filled with thoughts that weren't my own, trying to clear it. Was I losing my mind? "You can go, but I wouldn't come near us again if I were you."

"We won't," Lynn assured me as she sat up, visibly relieved that I hadn't decided to kill her after all. The two of them didn't spare me a second look as they disappeared into the trees.

Sarah shrieked. I whipped around, startled. The Marine had managed to shake Edward off momentarily and came barrelling at me like a bull. I dodged her easily, rage making her movements clumsy and easy to anticipate even for me. Edward threw himself at her again and dragged her down with brute force. He buried his hand in her dark hair, yanking her head back so hard it would have broken her neck had she still been human and briefly bringing his lips to her throat as if he was kissing her. Edward sat back as she suddenly went very still, spitting venom and small chunks of white flesh into the mud.

Inside my mind something snapped back into place and silence fell again, the voices gone.

I slowly went to Edward's side, sinking down beside him. His clothes were torn and dripping with mud and water, as were mine, but his fractured skin had healed. I brushed softly over where the fine black lines had been, then buried my head in his shoulder, relief overwhelming me when I realised that it was over. Edward tentatively closed his arms around me.

"He almost killed you," I whispered coarsely.

"He had me paralysed," Edward explained softly. "If his gift hadn't suddenly failed to function properly, he would have destroyed me. I'm very glad that he didn't succeed."

I sat up, my hands still on his back. "Me too," I said. "If he'd killed you…"

"He didn't kill me," Edward replied firmly, "and that's all that matters." He glanced at the patch of overcast sky visible between the trees. "Let's burn the remains before it starts raining again."

I nodded, but I couldn't bring myself to move away from him. I'd come horrifyingly close to losing him today. I didn't know what I would have done if I had. I knew that I didn't want to live without him anymore, now that he'd entered my life again. I couldn't.

And even though I knew that I probably shouldn't I wrapped my arms around his neck and I desperately crushed my lips against his.

—

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	23. Impasse

**A/N:** I'm really thrilled about how many reviews I received for the last three chapters! Thank you so much for taking the time to review. My beta KayMarieXW has done a wonderful job with this chapter again – you made it better!

As promised the update. Hope you'll enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

23. IMPASSE

EDWARD

_Hope is the thing with feathers_

_That perches in the soul,_

_And sings the tune—without the words,_

_And never stops at all._

_Emily Dickinson_

"Edward, we need to talk."

I didn't glance up as Bella entered the drawing room, instead forcing my fingers to continue playing. The melody I was weaving never faltered. I'd expected Bella to say these words sooner rather than later, but hearing them still caused my heart to clench with fear. It shouldn't have; I was well aware of that. I had no right to be afraid, as I had no right to feel hopeful, but emotions were hard to fight.

As was hope.

"I know," I replied, my voice strangely flat.

If Bella noticed, she didn't let on as she slipped onto the piano bench beside me. Her scent—freesia and wild roses and just a tinge of what reminded me of vanilla—was overwhelming, appealing to every particle of my being, of what made me me. I closed my eyes and held my breath, wishing she'd kept away. With her so close to me, the black despair hovering on the edge of my mind was threatening to take over again and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to bear it. I had no right to complain. After what I'd done to her—to us both—I deserved to be in agony, but I didn't know how much more pain I'd be able to handle.

_I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for hurting me like that, she'd said to me on the plane. I love you and I always will, but I don't know if that's enough._ I had wanted to die then, because by uttering these words aloud, words that had the power to destroy me, Bella had confirmed my worst fears. I'd forbidden myself to think about what I would do if she chose not to take me back, but then I hadn't been able to keep the black thoughts at bay any longer. If she didn't forgive me, I'd understand. How could I not after all that I'd put her through?

But without her my life would lose its meaning. And living side by side as family but not as lovers wasn't enough. I wished it was. Having her as my sister was still better than not having her in my life at all. But it would never be enough. And I couldn't change the way I felt about it.

And then she'd kissed me.

As our lips met, the hope I thought I'd lost had sparked alive again, lighting up my mind and forcing the darkness to retreat. I'd clung on to her as if I was drowning and she was my lifeline, allowing myself to hope that she'd forgive me after all.

I was a fool.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," Bella said very quietly, gently pressing down a key that rang out clear and in complete dissonance to what I was still playing. From the corner of my eye I saw her lips twitch into a brief, sheepish smile. Her hand fell back into her lap to join the other. "It wasn't fair to raise your hopes when…" She frowned, frustrated, as she tried to find the right words. She didn't want to hurt me, I realised bitterly, although I'd hurt her so much worse. When she spoke again her voice had grown very soft. "What I said earlier hasn't changed. I wish I could say that it had. I truly do, but I can't. I'm sorry, Edward."

"You have no reason to apologise." Finally, I looked up. As our eyes met, I forced my lips into a smile, hoping it was enough to convince her that I was fine. I didn't want her to be hurting on my account. I didn't deserve her compassion. "You haven't done anything wrong."

Bella's lips parted as if she wanted to object, then her gaze dropped.

Neither of us spoke. I suddenly realised that I'd shifted from the tune in E major, which I'd been playing in order to lighten my dark mood, to one in F minor. I faintly recalled my piano teacher lecturing me about the emotions different keys created. _F major_, he'd said, as usually sitting beside me so that he could slap his ruler across my fingers whenever they refused to move fast enough, _expresses complaisance and calm. F minor on the other hand expresses deep depression. It's something you'd play at a funeral, boy_. I smiled bleakly. How very appropriate.

I hadn't acknowledged the drastic key change, but Bella had obviously detected it. She kept darting worried glances at me, which I pretended not to notice. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. Her sympathy made things so much more painful for me, but I couldn't tell her that. If I did, she'd be even more concerned.

I was grateful that neither she, nor the rest of my family, could see into the black abyss that was my mind. It would have scared them and revealed to them that I wasn't coping as well as I had been pretending to be. Jasper and Alice were the only ones who knew and they would never tell a soul. I realised only now how much I depended on Jasper to ease my suffering as he had been doing for a very long time now, almost instinctively—the ragged edges of my pain hurt him too.

Bella gasped. I spun around, pain and despair momentarily driven away by concern. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her features twisted as if she was in pain. I reached for her shoulder to shake her gently even as she grabbed my wrist so hard it almost hurt. The melody that sounded like a funeral lament died. Then her eyes flew open. They shifted to my face, wide with horror.

"What happened?" I demanded, confused and scared.

"I don't…" She shook her head, then pressed her knuckles against her forehead. "In the park," she managed eventually, not at all what I'd expected her to say, "when you couldn't move. Do you remember?"

"Yes, of course I do." How could I possibly forget? The vampire whose name I'd later come to learn was Hugh had had me paralysed. His gift had caught me completely by surprise. He'd had other things on his mind at the time and as I'd had been unable to catch even a glimpse of the Marine's thoughts, I hadn't been aware of his gift until it was too late. I knew how very close to dying I'd come. Bella was the only reason I was still alive, but as she hadn't asked, I hadn't brought it up yet. Eleazar was the one who'd discovered why I couldn't read her mind. I'd rather he told her; he'd be able to explain things better. "Why are you asking?"

"I've been thinking. This is going to sound crazy, but I think I… I don't know. I think I somehow negated his gift." She looked up at me to gauge my reaction, not really believing in her theory. "That sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"No, not at all," I reassured her. "It's exactly what happened." Her eyes widened, surprised. I smiled. "Look, it's really Eleazar who came up with it, so he should be the one to tell you, but… Eleazar has a gift of his own. He's able to classify and categorise other vampires' gifts. That's not how he'd put it, but for all intents and purposes it's what he does. He believes that you have some sort of psychic barrier, a shield if you will, that protects your mind from other psychic abilities like mine. It makes sense. Jasper and Alice's gifts work on you, because they are not limited to the psychic plane. Jasper physically influences other people's emotions. Alice really sees the future."

"And… Hugh's gift?"

I shrugged. "There's one in the Volturi Guard. Her name is Jane. I've never met her. Carlisle has though. He described her gift as very… impressive." 'Impressive' wasn't what I'd call it. I'd seen enough in Carlisle's recollections to know that I really didn't want to meet Jane in person, let alone find myself on the receiving end of her gift. "Jane creates the illusion of pain. Carlisle once asked her for a demonstration and afterwards wished he hadn't. It was pure agony. It wasn't real, but according to Carlisle it might as well have been. Hugh's gift worked the same way. He was very surprised when he wasn't able to incapacitate you as he'd intended. As to why it stopped working on me, I suspect that you somehow managed to gain control over your shield, maybe instinctively, and managed to extend it so that it would protect my mind as well."

Bella was silent for a while as she mulled over what I'd just told her. It was a lot to take in, especially as she'd never suspected to be gifted.

"You saved my life, you know."

Bella's lips curved into an absent smile, but I could tell that she wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying. Her thoughts had taken her far, far away.

"What is it?" I asked, remembering how strangely she'd acted a few moments ago, the pained expression on her face, her strangled breathing. I placed my hand on her shoulder to turn her around so that she would face me; her hand was still clasping my wrist. I tried to deduce the cause of her unease, but her face, framed by still wet strands of dark hair that had escaped the bun she'd twisted it into after showering, gave nothing away. It was in moments like this that I cursed my inability to read her mind, although I knew that Bella wouldn't want me inside her head all the time the way I constantly intruded into my family's thoughts. But not knowing what she was thinking, especially when she was acting so strangely, was unbelievably frustrating and did nothing to scatter the anxiety gnawing in my stomach.

"I don't know." Bella's gaze finally shifted to my face, her expression blank, giving nothing away. "I guess you're right about the shield thing. I find it hard to believe that I'm supposed to be as gifted as you are or as Alice and Jasper, for that that matter, but it makes sense. It's just…" She paused, frowning slightly as if she didn't quite know how to word what she wanted to say. I forced myself to be patient. "How much did you catch of the chat I had with the two females?"

It was my turn to frown, wondering what she was driving at. "Enough to know that they were telling the truth."

Bella nodded slowly, my words obviously just having confirmed something she'd been suspecting herself. "Look, here's the thing." She paused again, then the words tumbled out in a rush. "I let them go because I knew that they weren't lying. I'm not a mind reader, so I shouldn't have, but I did." Her eyes found mine and then narrowed. I wondered what she'd seen in my face. Apprehension? Fear? I didn't doubt her account of what had transpired in the park tonight. If she believed she'd actually read the vampires' minds, then I believed her. As Eleazar had no idea how exactly Bella's shield worked, he'd been unable—and unwilling—to make any assumptions as to how powerful it was.

"What do you think happened?" I asked, my mouth dry.

"As I said, I don't know." She shrugged, but her eyes never strayed away from my face, watching me closely. I forced my lips into a smile, knowing that I'd failed miserably when her eyebrows lifted. "Do you think it's possible that by extending my shield," she rolled her eyes a little at that, the notion of a gift of her own still too new, "over you, your ability to read minds somehow reflected back on me?"

"It's not impossible," I whispered, wishing she'd let go of my arm. Was that what had happened? Was that why, for a moment, she'd been so shocked? Had she glimpsed into my mind and seen the darkness within me, darkness I'd been trying to hide so very hard? I didn't want her to know how difficult it had been for me since I left her. It would scare her. And I didn't want her to pity me. I didn't want the pain I carried with me, her feeling sorry for me, to be the reason she took me back.

"Edward," she began, her voice as soft as a feather. Her fingers finally loosened their iron grip around my wrist. Instead she placed her hands gently on either side of my face. I couldn't look away. "I think you need to tell me what you did after you left Forks."

"Please." I tried to push her hands away, my voice breaking. "Please don't make me do that." Those years had been the darkest time of my life and I couldn't possibly relive them again. If I did, if I allowed the memories to return, they'd drive me insane. I'd never told anyone about what I'd done, what I'd been like. I needed to put the past behind me and bury it so deep it would never be able to haunt me again. The decisions I'd made would always torment me. I knew that and I had accepted it. But those seven years I'd spent away from civilisation had been devoid of hope and full of pain and doubts. It was that feeling of hopelessness that had almost cost me my sanity. I didn't want to feel like that again, not now when I could finally hope again. It was foolish, would make the pain even worse in the end if she didn't choose me, but hope, I realised, was all I had left.

"Please don't make me do it," I pleaded. The fear of those memories had dug its claws into my mind and threatened to overpower me. I didn't want her to see me like that. "Don't make me remember."

"Maybe it would give you some closure. I mean it," she continued softly when I wanted to object. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that telling her would change nothing, that it was best to leave it buried. "Why are you so scared?"

"How can I not be scared?" I whispered. "You saw the darkness in my mind. You can't ask me to unearth memories that would make it even worse. It's been like that for a very long time. I may have fooled my family, with the exception of Jasper and Alice, into believing that I'm well, but I'm far from it."

"I thought about asking Alice what you did after you left Forks, but I didn't because she probably wouldn't have told me anyway." Bella scowled a little. "She's very strange that way. I asked her why she didn't tell me that you'd lied and she explained that she'd kept it to herself because she didn't want to meddle. That's the joke of the century, really. Alice has perfected the art of meddling." She huffed. Then her face turned soft again, her eyes sympathetic. "I'm not asking you to tell me out of morbid curiosity or because I get a kick out of seeing you suffer."

I snorted at her attempt to lighten the mood. I couldn't even blame her if she did. After what I'd done to her, it was no more than I deserved.

"Please," she said. Her hands fell away from my face, settling on my shoulders instead and pulling me ever so slightly closer, maybe without even realising that she had. I groaned. Didn't she know what it did to me when she was this close? "Maybe it would help if you told someone. That someone doesn't have to be me," she added after a moment. "If Alice and Jasper already know, then talk to them."

But Jasper and Alice didn't know. Alice must have caught at least flashes of my future, although she'd probably tried not to look too closely, angry as she was, but she had no idea what I'd become after I'd left Forks. Neither had Jasper. The only time we'd met in those seven years I'd spent apart from my family he hadn't paid very close attention to what I was feeling because he'd been furious with me for hurting Alice. Now he was aware of the darkness that surrounded me, but he had no way of knowing what was responsible for it, just as Alice could only see the decisions people made and how it would affect the future, but never the reasons behind these decisions.

"You don't want to know how I was," I whispered, one last attempt to convince her to leave me alone. "I don't want you to be scared."

"I've never been scared of you," was her gently reply, words she'd said to me once before a very long time ago. "You won't scare me now."

The smile on her face was so warm, so loving. The sliver of hope fluttered, beating its tiny wings against the confines of my heart. "I didn't return to my family after I'd left you in the forest," I began quietly, suddenly feeling very tired, a mental weariness that ran bone deep. "I ran as fast as I could, afraid that if I paused for even a moment, I wouldn't be able to leave. I ran until the sun came up and then found a place to hide. Just sitting there, waiting for the sun to set again, was horrible. I began questioning myself although I'd gone over and over it in my head. I was convinced I'd made the right choice."

I stared at my hands as I spoke. I couldn't look her in the eye. Those first few days had been the hardest. I hadn't wanted to leave her, but I'd had no choice. It had been the only way to keep her out of harm's way, to make ensure she'd live a happy and fulfilled and of all things human life. I'd wanted her to have the things I could never have given her. But I'd wanted to have _her_ too. Leaving her had hurt so much, worse than my transformation all those years ago.

I told her everything. I told her how I'd tried to track Victoria, how I'd followed her trail to South America where I'd lost it. I told her about Carlisle and Jasper's visit too, about the message Alice had given Jasper for him to pass a long.

"If Carlisle had known about it, he would have never taken Jasper with him," I said softly, remembering the kindness of Carlisle's thoughts. "He wanted me to come home and put the past behind me. He wanted his family back together." I snorted. "And now? We're together again, but we've never been farther apart. Things have changed between us because of what I did. Esme and Carlisle have forgiven me and still love me unconditionally, but they worry about me and their concern keeps reminding me that I almost destroyed our family. As for Rosalie, she wasn't always like she's now. I know you didn't get along well in Forks, but she's a good person and she only gets mean because she lacks the ability to express herself a more reasonable way. She hates me for what I did because she was there when I was not. She saw what my leaving did to them. She can't forgive me for that and I don't blame her."

I sighed. At some point of our conversation we'd relocated onto the sofa. Bella sat cross-legged beside me, her hand loosely on my arm. I didn't know what to think of that. I didn't want the fact that she was feeling sorry for me—and how could she not, compassionate as she was?—influence her decision.

"I left North America after a few years and went north," I continued. "I ended up in Siberia. It was very quiet, peaceful even, as there wasn't a single human being alive close to where I'd found an empty cabin. But I was alone and I know now that being alone wasn't good for me. I only left the cabin to hunt," I whispered, afraid my voice would break again. I didn't want to be weak. "I just sat there, thinking about you although I didn't want to. I had to believe I'd made the right choice because if I hadn't, then all this pain would have been for nothing, but when I thought of you it was so very hard. I wanted to die. I'd already made contingency plans back when James was after you. It would have been so easy to act on them, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to die. I think I wanted to punish myself for all the misery I'd caused. I only fed when I absolutely had to. My thoughts were darkest when I was thirsty."

Bella's eyebrows knitted together in disapproval. I didn't comment on it. I hadn't been thinking rationally at the time. If I had, I wouldn't have been there in the first place.

"That crushing feeling of hopelessness was worst. By choosing to give you up I'd given part of myself up. I was feeling empty, lost. I was slowly losing my mind. If Emmett and Rosalie hadn't come for me, I would have gone insane."

"Rosalie?" Bella asked incredulously.

My lips twitched into a humourless smile. "Oh, she didn't do it to do me a favour. She just wanted to see how far gone I was." Bella's expression was puzzled. She had no idea what I was talking about. "Alice had a vision of Victoria," I explained, "only that it wasn't really a vision. Just flashes. It must have been around your birthday two years ago. She wanted me home, so that we could go after her in case she decided to attack you. That was the only vision of Victoria Alice has had ever since. She never saw the actual attack."

"No." Bella's reply was quiet. "She wouldn't have. Jake was with me when it happened."

I looked up, surprised. I didn't know for sure because Alice tried not to think about the things she and Bella had talked about in private, but I didn't believe that she'd spoken to anyone about how exactly her change had come to pass.

"Victoria's timing was perfect. Jake had just gone outside to check in with Sam. She probably had very elaborate plans about what to do to me once she finally got her hands on me, but because Jake was outside she had to hurry. Unfortunately for Victoria and fortunately for me," her lips tightened, "I was hurt. I don't remember exactly how, but I was bleeding and she couldn't resist. She bit me. That's when Jake came rushing back in, still in wolf form and mad as hell. Victoria made a run for it, knowing she'd never stand a chance against him. I asked Jake to kill me," she whispered, "but he didn't. When I woke up again, he was still there. He went hunting with me, made sure I didn't accidentally kill someone." She shrugged. "I've spent a lot of time wondering if Jake would have been able to prevent Victoria from biting me if he'd stayed inside just a minute longer. Possibly. Probably. But knowing Victoria, she just would have waited until he was on a plane back to Forks."

"I'm sorry," I said after we'd lapsed into silence again. It was still dark outside, but the horizon was already turning faintly pink.

"I wish you hadn't left," Bella replied quietly, smiling sadly. "It would have spared us both so much pain. You more than me." She grasped my hand, squeezing it gently before she got up and walked out of the room.

xxx

We left Chicago just after noon. I'd called Alice to inform her that we'd be coming home—she'd already known of course, but I'd wanted to apologise for hanging up on her so rudely to go after Bella—and she'd promised me that one of them would pick us up. She hadn't mentioned Jacob and I hadn't asked what was going on. That was between Bella and the wolf and I'd rather go on another shopping trip with Alice than make their problem my business.

We'd passed most of the flight in silence. I couldn't shake the sense of failure that had settled on my mind, but for Bella it had to be even worse. She'd come to Chicago to find her friend, but Victoria had been several steps ahead. Eden Wallace had died because she'd been at the wrong place at the wrong time. She and Bella hadn't been particularly close—far from it, actually—but she hadn't deserved to die so brutally and although I couldn't read her mind I knew that she was blaming herself for Eden's death. It wasn't her fault, but as I knew she wouldn't listen, let alone believe me, I kept my opinion to myself.

Bella and I hadn't discussed what to do about Eden. I'd told her I'd take care of it and she hadn't asked questions, although she must have guessed what I intended because there really was no other option. If we'd left Eden's body where it was, someone would have found it eventually and informed the police, who would immediately have suspected us. They had no way of knowing, of course, that we actually were the last to have seen her alive, but as Caroline Alden would certainly tell them that we'd meant to talk to her, they'd assume just that. And that was unacceptable. We couldn't draw any attention to ourselves. I'd taken Eden's body along with many of her personal belongings to the middle of Lake Michigan, burying her deep under the bottom of the lake, an undignified grave and one she didn't deserve. Unfortunately there had been no other option. Hopefully, everyone would assume she'd left town after Olivia's disappearance. This story was made more credible because Liv had broken up with her a few days prior anyway. I'd written a letter to Caroline Alden to be absolutely sure; Eden's handwriting, a barely legible scrawl that most doctors, including psychologists, seemed to adopt, hadn't been hard to copy.

When I came home, dripping with water from the lake and smelling of oil and fish, Bella had left me standing in the hallway without even looking at me. I couldn't blame her.

"What now?" Bella asked as we walked down the gangway, pushing through the slowly moving throng of humans. It was the first time she'd really spoken to me and I was glad she finally had. Things had been awkward the entire flight, although I had no idea if what was because our trip to Chicago had been such an epic failure or because of what I had told her. I decided to assume the former. It was better for my sanity.

"We'll tell the others what we've learned and try to come up with a new plan," I replied lightly, though Bella's doubtfully raised eyebrows expressed exactly what I felt. How could we come up with a new plan when we had nothing to go on? "What else can we possibly do?" I said softly.

Bella's hand tightened around the strap of her bag, her knuckles ghostly white against her pale skin, but she didn't comment on my words. Instead she turned and strode away, weaving through the waiting people a little faster than a human carrying a bag ever could have.

I sighed and followed her only to run almost into her in the arrival hall when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Stepping past her, I quickly found out what the source of her surprise was. Jacob and Rosalie, waiting for us just beside the entrance and standing almost ten feet apart. It was an unusual welcoming committee and while I could come up with at least ten good reasons why Jacob would be here to pick us up, I couldn't fathom what had caused Rosalie to accompany him. Her thoughts were a blur; she was going over hundreds of principles of particle physics simultaneously to keep me out. Usually she didn't bother to make any effort to hide her thoughts from me—which didn't keep her from complaining about the lack of privacy on a regular basis—and I knew instantly that something had happened, something that Rosalie knew I'd be very tempted to rip her head off for. Something Rosalie knew was her fault.

Jacob was much easier to read. He raised his right in in greeting when he saw us, a sheepish smile playing around his lips. I almost laughed when I saw the reason for his strange behaviour on the phone earlier, but I choked it back down, knowing Bella probably wouldn't appreciate it. I focused on Rosalie again, while Bella strode towards Jacob, grabbed his arm and pulled him a little distance away, so that their words, drowned out by the voices of hundreds of people, were intelligible even to us.

Rosalie's lips were pressed together into a very tight line, her arms folded in front of her chest. Her eyes were meeting mine almost defiantly as if to dare me to blame her for whatever it was that she'd done. I tried very hard not to smile, although I was very certain that once Rosalie got around to actually telling me what had happened, I wouldn't feel like smiling at all.

"Did Alice send you to pick us up?" I asked casually.

Rosalie didn't relax. "No," she ground out, "I volunteered."

I lifted an eyebrow. Rosalie's control over her thoughts wavered for a moment and I caught a flash of a very angry-looking Emmett roaring at her very much like the grizzly bears that were his preferred prey.

"Fine," she snapped, belligerent, "Emmett made me come."

"Did he now? And why would that be?" I knew I sounded condescending, but I couldn't help it. Rosalie's temper, which she couldn't really control at the best of times, flared. Her thoughts were laid bare for me to see as she struggled to keep herself from lunging at me, her eyes blazing with anger. The second I had access to her mind it became painfully clear why she was reacting so strongly—and even Rosalie usually had better control in public.

She hadn't had a very nice day so far. And once I knew the reason why I wasn't at all inclined to feel sorry for the things my family in general and Emmett in particular had thrown at her.

"What have you done?" I snarled, causing Jacob's attention to snap from Bella back to me momentarily.

_So she's told him_, he thought, gloating. He'd known as well, but he'd been trying to figure out how to break it to Bella that there were two werewolves currently camping out in her living room and intending to stay.

And then of course he didn't really care about vampire business. If we screwed up, it wasn't his problem.

To Rosalie's credit, she didn't even try to weasel her way out of it. She just stood there, glaring at me, her beautiful face twisted in anger and shame. She knew she'd done wrong, she knew she deserved everything my family had said to her. That didn't change the fact that her actions could have severe consequences for all of us.

"I didn't mean to," she replied between clenched teeth, still fighting for control. She was upset because Emmett had told her in no uncertain terms that he doubted that their relationship would survive if she didn't fix what she'd broken. Unfortunately, Rosalie knew very well that there was no chance in hell she'd ever be able to do just that. She was terrified and fear made her even more hostile. She didn't know how else to express her feelings without appearing to be weak.

Knowing all that, I still couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for her. Apparently, Esme had asked Rosalie to look after Freya as her latest client had demanded she come over and explain to him an order confirmation they'd already gone over several times. If Esme hadn't been irritated because of her client, she probably never would have asked her; she was well aware of the fact that Rosalie hadn't exactly taken a liking to Freya. However, she'd had no choice. With Emmett and Jasper still gone, Alice at Bella's place with Jacob and Carlisle at work, Rosalie had ended up babysitting Freya. As Freya wasn't stupid, she'd already noticed that Rosalie wasn't very fond of her and tried to stay clear of her, but when Rosalie was in a mood—and she always was these days—she went looking for a fight. Freya couldn't have known that because she'd only been with us for a very short time.

And when Rosalie had told her that we'd only allowed her to stay because we felt sorry for her and that we'd throw her out again once Victoria was taken care of, Freya had believed every word and run away. Realising that she'd made a monumentally bad mistake, Rosalie had gone after her almost immediately, but she'd been unable to find her. She'd called Alice, trying to do damage control. Naturally Alice had been less than thrilled, especially because she hadn't seen it happening. The presences of the wolves seemed to blind her almost completely. The rest of the family had learned what had happened in a matter of minutes and they'd descended on Rosalie like a kestrel on its prey, with Emmett leading the way.

That she'd volunteered to pick us up to the airport after that—despite the fact that Jacob would accompany her—was really no surprise.

"I know it's my fault," Rosalie said after a moment, which was as close to an apology we were going to get, "and that I shouldn't have said what I said." She was still looking at me defiantly, expecting me to yell at her as well and I decided to take pity on her although it was hard to fight the boiling anger back down. If Victoria managed to get her hands on Freya, there was no telling what she'd do with all the information Freya had learned during her brief stay with us. It would give her an even bigger advantage and what we needed right now was an advantage of our own, not for her to get even more powerful in terms of knowledge.

However, crying over spilt milk wouldn't do us any good.

"What's done is done," I said, at which Rosalie's posture automatically became even more defiant, but as she wasn't really aware of it and was just reacting the way she always did when criticised, I chose to ignore it. "We'll have to make the best of it."

Rosalie stared at me for a second longer, then nodded curtly and spun around, stomping out into the night and disappearing around the corner. She was still close enough for me to read her mind, but I tried not to pay very close attention.

Bella didn't look very happy when she and Jacob finally joined me, the latter having somehow managed to convince Bella to let him carry her bag for her although he knew that it couldn't possibly be too heavy for her. He was trying to make up for not telling her sooner that Embry and Seth had arrived in Anchorage yesterday afternoon. Judging by Bella's expression, she didn't seem to know if she should be happy about the notion of three werewolves living in her house or not. But maybe it was the events in Chicago she was thinking about.

I smiled at her, but she simply frowned in return.

"Hello, Jacob," I said amiably as we made our way outside. He grunted in return, too busy wondering about what exactly had happened in Chicago. Bella hadn't told him yet and he was worried because he didn't like how despondent and drained she looked. He gathered that things had been even worse than he'd suspected and he wished she hadn't gone at all, blaming himself for not trying to talk her out of going.

I wasn't looking forward to his reaction when Bella finally got around telling him that we'd come very close to dying last night.

Apparently—although Jacob's thoughts were a little muddled on the subject—Carlisle had already decided that we'd all meet in Denali tonight, including Jacob and what was now his pack, albeit a very one. I was a bit surprised that Jacob had agreed to that, but he was probably feeling the pressure of finding Victoria as well. And whatever he and Alice had been up to in the two days we'd been gone seemed to have lessened his distrust of vampires like us. The vegetarian kind.

The ride back to Bella's was silent. Rosalie was feeling sorry for herself, which made me regret my decision, but that was how she was. Jacob was a little apprehensive because part of Bella's furniture hadn't survived the moving in of two werewolves. He very clearly remembered her reaction when he and Embry had accidentally gotten into a mock fight and—also accidentally of course—had smashed her living room furniture to pieces. Especially not as it would probably be all the more violent because she could hurl him across the room if she cared to and wasn't reduced to simply shouting at him anymore.

Rosalie surprised us all by insisting on coming inside when we arrived at Bella's. She was trying to play nice. Bella didn't know why yet, but I doubted she'd be any more happy about what had happened while we'd been gone than I was.

Bella sighed when she saw what was left of her living room. Seth, a very handsome young man, looked up guiltily from the bowl of cereal in his lap when we poured into the living room. "Hey, Bella," he said sheepishly, thrusting his elbows into Embry's ribs, who'd fallen asleep beside him. He came awake with a yelp, looking wildly around before his drowsy gaze fell on us. Struggling to come fully wake, he grabbed Seth's shoulder for support.

"Sorry," Jacob muttered, "I had him running patrol all night. For coming completely, totally unannounced." He glared at Seth, who shrugged.

"Would you've let us come if we had called? Besides, Sam might have overheard us and he would have stopped us. Which was out of the question."

Jacob's eyes narrowed at that. He was touched that is friends had chosen to abandon Sam's pack to join him, but he hadn't yet decided what he should think of the fact that by doing so they'd betrayed their former alpha.

"What are you watching?" Rosalie asked in an attempt to include herself into the conversation, pushing past Bella and Jacob to get a better look at the TV. Bella and Jacob exchanged a quick glance. She'd found time to fill him in on Rosalie and what Jacob had heard of her didn't quite match up with how she was behaving now.

I just rolled my eyes.

Seth didn't glance up from the TV. "_Stargate Atlantis_. I'm not sure if you've…"

"As a matter of fact, I have," Rosalie replied, suddenly interested. "I've studied astrophysics once, you know."

Now Seth did glance up, equal interest flashing in his eyes.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Bella appeared at my side, nodding toward the kitchen door. Jacob trailed behind us as we walked into the snowy backyard, the branches so overloaded with snow they were dragging across the ground. Throwing once last look at the closed back door, Bella turned to face me. "I really don't know Rosalie very well, so maybe it's me. But," she paused, frowning, "she's acting a little weird, isn't she?"

Jacob ducked back inside, not wanting to be part of that particular conversation.

I made a face, gesturing for Bella to follow me deeper into the trees and out of Rosalie's earshot. As there really was no point on sugar-coating it, I just stated the facts. "Freya ran away because of something Rosalie said. She went after her and tried to find her, but she couldn't."

Bella had gone absolutely still. She slowly turned, staring into the violet darkness ahead of us so that I couldn't see her face and read her emotions. "Just when I thought that things couldn't possibly get any worse," she whispered, her voice strangled and coarse.

And then she began to sob.

xxx

No real mean cliffhanger this time! Did you like the chapter?


	24. Hopeless

**A/N**: I thought I'd never finish this chapter. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Also I'm very sorry I didn't reply to your reviews and send you a sneak peek the way I usually do. Thank you so much for taking the time to review and for alerting to me and/or putting Lifelines on your favourite lists. It means a lot to me.

**Lifelines** has been nominated for the **Emerging Swan Awards**. Go to my profile for further information. Please vote for me!

A massive thanks for **KayMarieXW** for beta-reading this chapter. As always she's done an excellent job and I wouldn't know what to do without her.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga and its characters are property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm only borrowing. No copyright infringement intended.

**24. HOPELESS**

**BELLA**

_All the clouds are closing in_

_I have lost my safety pin_

_I guess my shell was way too thin_

_For a war that I can't win_

_And I think they've already won_

_Autopilot by Amanda Jenssen_

I felt Edward's arms close gently around me. I knew I shouldn't and knew that it was selfish, but I allowed him to cradle me against his chest and run his hands over my back while I sobbed tearlessly into his shirt. It was foolish and childish and wouldn't change a thing, but I couldn't help it. I'd reached my limit.

Freya running away wasn't my fault and yet I felt responsible because she'd become a vampire because of me. I should have been furious. I should have blamed Rosalie for saying something so careless to a child that didn't know where her place in this world was anymore.

Instead, I felt empty inside, drained of all emotion but the blackest of despair, blacker even than what I'd seen in Edward's mind. I blamed myself because ultimately it all came back to me. Eden's death was my fault. The fact that her parents would never know what had happened to her and would never be able to get any closure was my fault. Eden lay at the bottom of Lake Michigan. She would never be found.

_Why won't it stop?_ I wondered desperately. _Why won't she end it already? We should never have gone to Chicago_. It hadn't brought us one step closer to finding Victoria and had only resulted in more death. If we couldn't find her, it would never end. We could search the entire planet for her, but where would we start, especially with her ability to know when someone was after her? If she didn't come to us, we'd never get a shot at killing her. And Victoria wouldn't risk that. Not now. In a few years, or decades, maybe when the urge for revenge had driven her half crazy. Maybe then she'd come out of hiding and attack me directly instead of continuing to play her mind games. But how many innocents would die until Victoria was desperate enough to take her chances?

Too many.

I couldn't let that happen, but I also couldn't change the fact that there was nothing we could do but wait. It was hard not to feel sorry for myself. So many people whose lives I'd touched had died because of me. Edward was still in so much pain because of me. I knew that the decision to leave had been his, that he could have avoided all this if only he had stayed, but I couldn't help feeling responsible. I never wanted to glimpse into his mind again, not even for the fraction of a second. What I'd seen had scared me. A black veil that shrouded every thought, every emotion and turned it into something dark and bitter and painful. I'd encountered many patients in various stages of clinical depression, but what Edward was going through was much, much worse. I didn't want to contemplate how it would affect him when I chose not to take him back. I knew that I shouldn't allow the knowledge that it would most likely kill him if I decided that I didn't want to be with him influence my decision, but it was hard not to think about it, especially after what I'd seen last night. I loved him and I cared about him despite everything he'd done to me. I didn't want to destroy him, but if I didn't find a way to forgive him, I would.

And I didn't know how to forgive him.

I extricated myself from his arms and turned around. I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see this," I muttered, rubbing the back of my hand over my eyes and wondering absently why some human reflexes refused to go away even though they were completely useless. "I think we should go back."

Edward stepped around me. "You don't have to apologise," he said, placing the tips of his fingers underneath my chin and gently lifting it so that our eyes met. I dropped my gaze immediately, staring at the snow-clad trees behind him. "You don't have to apologise," he repeated firmly. "But you do have to stop blaming yourself for everything bad that has happened lately. It's not your fault that your friend was taken. It's not your fault that Eden was killed and it certainly isn't your fault that Freya ran way because Rosalie's brain can't keep up with her tongue."

"I know that," I replied almost petulantly. "But knowing and believing are not the same thing. You know that as well as I do. I want to hate Victoria for what she's done," I added before Edward could reply, "but I can't. I feel so powerless. How is someone like me supposed to stop someone like her?"

"Bella, you're so much stronger than Victoria could ever be," Edward whispered into my ear, his lips almost touching my temple. "Hatred makes you weak and careless. That's why Victoria is bound to slip up sooner or later. She's already getting desperate and I'm sure that it's only a matter of time until we find her. And when we do, you'll be able to kill her because you don't allow your emotions to control your actions. A little more determination couldn't hurt, though."

I glanced up despite myself. Edward's lips twitched into a brief smile when he saw the skeptical expression on my face.

"I know that it's easier said than done. And I'm certainly not the best example. If you could just convince yourself that things aren't as bleak as they seem and that we'll get her eventually, you'd feel far less desperate."

"It's strange how well you still know me even after all this time," I muttered, annoyed although I knew that I was being childish. He was right and deep down I knew that feeling sorry for myself wouldn't help matters at all, but it was so much easier to be weak than strong, to walk around or avoid an obstacle instead of taking the direct way across.

"I don't know you as well as I'd like," Edward replied, dropping his hand to release me and shifting his eyes away from mine like I had done before, "but I know myself. And we're more alike than you think."

"Maybe," I whispered.

"Let's go back," Edward said eventually, his voice light. He couldn't fool me. I wondered what he was really thinking, but I didn't want to fall into the black void that was his mind again. I didn't really know how I'd done it anyway, how I'd grasped that elusive thing in my mind that was the shield Edward said I had and made it spread over him.

We set off in silence. The snow crunching quietly underneath our feet was the only sound. Here and there I discovered distinct paw marks, several of them, but no scent because the snow was masking it. I thought they were Embry's though. At the airport Jake had told me how thrilled he'd been when Seth and Embry had shown up at my door yesterday morning, but he still would have preferred a heads-up. He was also having difficulty embracing his new role as an alpha, even more so because by choosing him, Seth and Embry had betrayed Sam, and Jake wasn't sure how to feel about that. He'd apologised for not telling me on the phone, but he'd thought it better, considering how much I had on my plate right now. And then there was the matter of my ruined living room furniture of course or rather what was left of it. I didn't mind that as much as Jake had feared I would. The furniture had come with the house and I'd never been particularly attached to it. Alice had already promised him she'd take care of it anyway. I wasn't exactly looking forward to that, but furniture shopping wasn't high on my list of priorities right now and there was only so much damage Alice could do. The living room was rather small after all.

"Rosalie studied astrophysics?" I asked, stepping through the old wooden fence that separated my backyard from the forest. I owned quite a bit of the grounds as well, but I'd never bothered to tear the fence down or rebuilt it. Edward quirked Also eyebrow at me. I shrugged. Rosalie as a physicist didn't quite fit the impression I had of her. And I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want to talk about Freya or Victoria or even Liv for a while because once we were in Denali it would be all we'd talk about. Ignoring it was just another way of running away from something I was afraid to face, but I couldn't help it.

"She did," Edward said after a moment. "Before we moved to Forks and went to high school again. As you know she's a very skilled mechanic. She has studied mechanical engineering several times by now, so she decided to try something new. You know how she loves to criticise." A small grin tugged the corner of his mouth upward. "She started watching sci-fi shows to see what they get wrong and they can't answer back or upset her, so everybody wins ."

"Huh." I found it hard to imagine Rosalie sitting in front of the TV watching _Stargate Atlantis_ like Seth did every so often. Then again I didn't really know that much about her and her likes and dislikes, so I probably shouldn't be so surprised.

The light was on in the kitchen. Through the window I saw Jake sitting at the table with his back to us, Embry on his left, stuffing slices of cake into his mouth. They both looked up when we entered, Jake frowning, Embry still bleary-eyed. He wasn't quite awake yet.

"Hi," he said between bites. The cake smelled of almonds and lime and butter. Judging by how little was left, it must have been excellent, but then Mrs Morris—at least I assumed she'd baked it—was an excellent cook. Not that I would know from personal experience, but it didn't smell too bad and sometimes even made me regret the fact that human food no longer appealed to me. Embry nodded curtly at Edward, then he went back to annihilating the rest of the cake and the large mug of coffee in front of him.

"They're still watching TV," Jake said, jerking his chin at the open kitchen door. I peeked into the living room and found Rosalie sitting in the armchair that had survived the squabble that Embry and Seth had gotten into while they'd been trying to figure out who slept where. Seth was lounging on the sofa, apparently completely at ease. Scenting me, he turned his head and shot me a lazy grin.

"I didn't know I had a DVD player," I said with raised eyebrows, nodding at the slim black box beside the TV.

"It's mine," Seth explained, extracting the remote from underneath one of the sofa cushions and hitting the pause button. I saw Rosalie turn her head in our direction ever so slightly, but she didn't look at me. For the first time I had the feeling that she wasn't acknowledging my presence out of shame for what she'd done and not because she hated my guts. "What?" he asked, frowning a little.

"You leave your home for good and you pack a DVD player and your DVD collection?" I asked incredulously.

Seth's frown disappeared instantly. "A guy's got to do what a guy's got to do," he said, grinning. "Besides, it's not like I couldn't afford buying new stuff. Do you know how much money you can make doing freelance programming?"

"No, I don't. Computers aren't really my area of expertise. I didn't know you changed jobs."

Seth shrugged. "I wanted to live closer to home. Sam doesn't force us to stay in La Push if we don't want to. He accepts that we have our own lives, but it makes him happier if we find jobs in the county. Makes keeping the pack together easier. But Mom's not getting any younger—although she has Leah—and then there's my niece. She's adorable. Did Jake send you pictures?"

"I believe so," I said slowly. I hadn't looked at the photographs I had in a very long time because looking at them hurt. Maybe now it wouldn't. "How old is she? A year and a half?"

"Yes. I'll sure miss her, but…" His smile faded, his face grew serious. "Leaving Sam was the right decision. He was pissed when he discovered that Jake was gone. I understand why, but Sam is… It's all black and white for him. Wolves and humans good, vampires evil. But you're not. You never have been. You're still the same Bella you were before that bitch changed you. Sam can't accept that and it drove him crazy that most of us, especially Jake, had no problem with that at all. He's a good alpha, but he's not the right alpha for us and I'm glad that we had another option. If it wasn't for Claire, Quil would have come too. Maybe in a few years when she's older." He sighed. "Anyway, I decided to try my hand at programming so I could move back to La Push and it's going very well. I'll pay for the damage you know." He gestured at the remains of the coffee table, the second armchair and one of the shelves that had been piled up beside the stairs. "We didn't mean to wreck it. It sort of got out of hand."

Seth's expressing was so adoringly contrite that I laughed. "Don't worry. It came with the house and I didn't really like it. I'm sure Alice already has a million ideas what to do with the room."

"I hate to interrupt," Jake said, poking his head out of the kitchen, "but they're waiting for us."

xxx

"I'm sorry," I said once Jake and I were alone in my Porsche. Embry and Seth rode with Edward and Rosalie in the Volvo, much to Seth's delight. He seemed to like Rosalie, although I absolutely didn't get why. She was a vampire after all and she didn't exactly go out of her way to endear herself to others. Maybe he'd change his mind once he got to know her better.

Or maybe I was just being mean.

"About what?" Jake asked as I backed out of the driveway. Edward flashed a smile at me from behind the windshield and gestured for me to take the lead.

I sighed. "About a lot actually, but right now about what Seth and Embry had to leave behind in order to join you. I'm happy they're here and I'm glad that you're here, but you sacrificed so much for me. Seth told me that he returned to La Push to be closer to his family and now he left probably for good. I can't really see Sam allowing them back."

Jake smiled thinly. "He will. He has no choice. It's still their home. We've talked at length about a lot of stuff after Seth and Embry showed up. In fact, it was Sam who sort of called me."

"Sort of?"

"Apparently alphas can still communicate telepathically with each other when they're in wolf form," Jake explained. "There have never been two alphas before, so we had no idea. I almost got a heart attack when I heard Sam in my head again and I'm sure he was equally surprised when I answered him. If we hadn't both been in wolf form when Sam thought something directed more or less at me, we never would have found out."

I raised an eyebrow. There had been so much tension between Sam and Jake that I doubted they'd had an amiable conversation.

"There was some yelling," Jake admitted, noticing my skepticism. "Actually there was a lot of yelling on both sides. It cleared the air though and we were able to really talk after that. Sam's angry that Embry and Seth just packed their things and left without a word, although he admitted that he didn't know what he would have done if he'd known what they were up to. He does feel betrayed, but I understand that. I would too. But he also understands why I had to leave. He can't accept it because of what you are, but he's not an idiot. He knows how much the tension between us had put a strain on the entire pack. They're better off without me. As for Seth and Embry, Sam was more than sorry to lose them but he wouldn't force them to come back even if he could. He won't stop them from visiting their families whenever they want. For that matter, he won't stop me from dropping by La Push every once in a while to check up on my father. He didn't sound happy about it, but that doesn't matter."

"That's really… nice of him," I said, although 'nice' didn't really cover what Sam had done. He could have been furious at Jake and he could have forbidden him to ever return to La Push, but instead he'd allowed him to come back despite all that had happened between them and despite the fact that, as far as Sam was concerned, Jake had taken a fourth of his pack away from him. How could you not respect that?

Jake nodded. "It is. I'd like to say that I would have done the same, but I'm not so sure of that. Seth and Embry were very relieved when I told them. We haven't really talked about it, but I think we'll all go home when this over and talk things through with our families. I spoke to Billy on the phone last night and he gave me an earful of course, but he's always let me do what I thought was right."

"I'm glad it worked out so well for you," I said and although I meant it I couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of my voice. My own life was a mess I wasn't sure I'd ever find out of again. Every time I allowed myself to be happy, something horrible happened.

"I take it Chicago was a dead end?" Jake asked softly.

I didn't answer immediately. The city had given way to endless fields of mostly undisturbed snow and trees that almost disappeared under it. It was beautiful and eerie, with the light of the moon casting everything in silvery light that made the snow sparkle. It was a clear night, not a single cloud in the sky. Maybe the sun would shine again tomorrow. I hadn't been at work for only a few days, but it felt like years. I wanted some semblance of normality in my life again, though I knew that whatever had been normal in my life—and could you really call your life normal when your best friend phased into a gigantic wolf almost every day?—had vanished when my heart had stopped beating.

I felt Jake's hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Bella?" There was concern in his voice. Had there ever been a time when Jake didn't have to worry about me constantly?

"Not exactly a dead end," I said eventually. "I talked to Liv's mother, who surprisingly doesn't seem to hate me… and to Liv's girlfriend Eden." My voice broke. For a fleeting moment I was standing in Liv's living room again, the vampire Sarah sitting on the sofa with Eden's limp body on her lap. I shook my head to chase the nightmarish memory away. Sarah had paid for what she'd done.

"What is it?" Jake's hand closed around mine, hotter than fire. I glanced at our entwined hands, smiling sadly. Jake was my best friend and he'd always been there to comfort me, but this time even he couldn't make the pile of shards that was my life miraculously disappear. Sometimes even the sun couldn't fight the darkness.

"Eden was killed," I whispered, my left hand tightening around the steering wheel. The plastic groaned in protest. "Maybe she'd still be alive if I hadn't talked to her. It was a trap alright. They knew I'd come. Their leader, a vampire called Sarah, left a piece of fabric with her scent for us to find. We'd planned to track them down anyway, but when I saw what she'd done to Eden I couldn't think straight anymore. I went after her. If Edward hadn't caught me, it would have been me against four vampires, one of them a former Marine and all of them far better trained than I was. They almost killed Edward."

From the corner of my eyes I saw Jake's eye widen. He didn't particularly care for Edward and if he was dead, he'd only feel sorry because he knew how deeply it would hurt me. But I knew that Jake thought much of him as a fighter and he'd assumed I'd be safe with him. If Edward with his gift was unable to protect me, then who could?

"Some vampires like Alice, Jasper and Edward are gifted and one of them was too," I explained. "He paralysed Edward and he was tearing him apart. He's only still alive because apparently I have some psychic shield and managed to project it over him. I don't," my voice faltered and I took a deep breath, "I don't know what I'd have done if he'd killed him. I'm very, very glad he didn't succeed."

Jake didn't reply. He just held on to my hand, frowning out into the darkness. We were almost there. I was scanning the right side of the road for the hidden turn-off leading down to the Denalis' home. "I'm glad he wasn't killed," Jake said eventually. "For your sake anyway. And I'm sorry about Eden, but please don't blame yourself, Bella."

"That's sort of what Edward said to me earlier."

"I never thought I'd agree with a vampire, present company excluded, but he's right. What's been happening isn't your fault. Focus on finding that red-headed leech instead of wasting energy by blaming yourself for something you couldn't have stopped from happening even if you'd wanted to."

"I know that," I hissed between clenched teeth. Jake startled at my sudden outburst, but I was sick of people telling me what I already knew. "I'm not that stupid. But I can't help the way I feel. Do you think I want to feel guilty? Do you think I enjoy it? I'm not a masochist."

"Bella," Jake began, then he shook his head and sighed. "You feel guilty because deep down you're convinced that everything Victoria's done so far is your fault and because you're the kind of person that cares about others more than she cares about herself. I wish you'd realise that you're not responsible for her actions. Doesn't it make you angry what she's done? Doesn't it make you want to hunt her down and kill her?"

"It does," I admitted after I'd taken a deep, calming breath so I wouldn't lash out at Jake again, "but I understand why she's doing what she's doing. She's lost her mate, her true love. And she thinks it's Edward's fault. What do you think Sam would do if someone murdered Emily?"

"Sam would never kill innocents," Jake replied firmly. "It would go against everything he believes in. He's a good person. He knows right from wrong. Victoria clearly doesn't or if she does, she doesn't give a damn. That's what makes her the monster she is."

The house was dark as we rounded the bend, both of us silent, but as the car slowly rolled down the steep road, the lights were lit in almost every room. The house sat in the dark valley like a beacon. I detected Alice leaning against the wall of the house, kicking at the snow with the tip of her boot. She was dressed in black from head to toe.

Jake sighed when he saw her. "I guess her mood hasn't improved then. Do you think the vamp kid will come back when she's calmed down? Alice really likes her."

I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth despite the severity of the situation. Alice and Jake seemed to have bonded while Edward and I had been away and that was nice because it meant that Jake had begun to trust her. "I hope so," I said in response to his question, "but I doubt it. Freya has no way of knowing that Rosalie wasn't speaking for the entire family."

Jake snorted, disgusted. "I so don't like that… witch." The short pause before the last word made me think that he'd intended to say something else, but I didn't comment on it. I really didn't care what he thought about Rosalie.

I parked beside Carlisle's Mercedes. Jake and I got out of the car, slowly walking towards the house. As we approached, I saw Emmett leaning against the wooden railing of a patio I hadn't noticed during my first visit. It was set against the back of the house on the same level as the second floor, resting on four solid looking wooden pillars. The view had to be stunning, but Emmett didn't appear to be enjoying it. His face was grim. Noticing Jake and me, he smiled at us, but the smile was strained and didn't reach his eyes.

"Where's Edward?" he asked in a light tone that seemed as strained as his smile. He dropped over the railing to join us on the ground level, nodding at Jake and briefly hugging me. "And where's my lovely wife?" he continued sarcastically.

I started at him, taken aback by the barely suppressed anger in his voice and unsure how to respond to it. I'd never heard him talk about Rosalie that way. He'd always supported her unconditionally, but by chasing Freya away she must have had reached the limit of what Emmett was willing to put up with.

Alice materialised at my side, saving me from having to answer Emmett's question. There wasn't much I could say anyway and I didn't want to be caught in the middle when the two of them worked things out. I just shot him a sympathetic smile, which he returned with a grimace. I followed an uncharacteristically quiet and subdued Alice inside, Jake trailing behind me. The hallway was tidier than it had been a few days ago, several pairs of men's shoes neatly lined up against the wall and the coats and jackets all stored away in a built-in closet.

"They made me clean up," Eleazar complained as he came down the stairs to greet us, hugging me and smiling warmly at Jake. Alice had disappeared into the living room where I could hear Esme and Carlisle talking quietly. "I tried to argue my case, but I'm afraid I was overruled."

"You'd think I married a five-year-old," Carmen muttered from upstairs. Eleazar laughed quietly, a fond smile on his face. He led us into the living room. "Please make yourselves at home," he said, gesturing at the comfortable furniture.

The fire in the fireplace had burnt down, the embers glowing faintly. Kate was sitting in front of it, her back to the smouldering pieces of blackened wood. She smiled at me and grinned at Jake, who glared at her in return. Apparently he hadn't forgotten that she'd seen him naked yet. Kate's sisters were nowhere to be seen, but I assumed they were here somewhere, upstairs probably. Alice was sitting in the armchair we'd shared during my first visit, staring darkly into the distance, the scowl on her forehead growing more pronounced with every passing second. Jasper's hands were on her shoulders again, rubbing them gently, trying to comfort her. He didn't pay any attention to me. Esme and Carlisle were standing by the floor length windows, both of them smiling, although Esme's smile was somewhat half-hearted, her thoughts quite obviously being somewhere else entirely, most likely with Freya.

"Hello Jacob," Carlisle said pleasantly, offering Jake his hand. I didn't expect him to actually grasp it and was surprised when he did. Alice didn't seem to be the only vampire Jake had gotten to know during my one and half day absence. "How are you? Has your pack settled in?"

Jake grimaced. "More or less. There's been a bit of a dispute–"

"Dispute?" Alice cut in incredulously, giving up on trying to see something that didn't want to be seen. "They completely wrecked Bella's living room!"

"That didn't seem to bother you yesterday," was Jake's dry reply. "If I recall correctly you were encouraging them. And when they were done you danced around the room like a maniac."

Alice shot him a glare, but everyone else laughed, including me. Tilting her head to look up at Jasper, a pleased smile replaced the sulky expression on Alice's face and I realised she'd given Jake a chance to make fun of her on purpose. That's what she always did, orchestrating little moments like that to make us laugh and relieve everyone's tension. But maybe it was really Jasper she did it for, not us. He couldn't turn his gift off and being constantly bombarded with other people's emotions, not all of them pleasant, couldn't be easy.

"As I said," Jake continued, answering Carlisle's question, "they've more or less settled in, although I've been racking my brain what to do with them. Bella's house is too small for more than two people."

"You can always ask Mrs Morris," I suggested, still smiling. "I'm sure she'd love to have them. I know she's lonely and they'd still be close by."

Jake smiled in a way that let me know he'd already had the same thought, but hadn't known if and how to approach her. He didn't know her as well as I did after all. "Maybe I'll run it by her tomorrow," he replied. "She's invited us for lunch anyway."

The front door was opened and shut again and a second later Emmett walked in, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes hard. "They're coming," he announced curtly just as a car pulled up outside. He disappeared into the dining area. Again the door opened and closed. Edward and Rosalie entered, followed by Carmen whose hands were placed firmly on Irina and Tanya's backs, steering them into the living room. Irina still didn't seem to have recovered. Pulling her down beside her, Kate wrapped her arms around her shoulders and began whispering to her in Russian. Tanya remained standing, but she didn't look very happy. I didn't know if that was because of what Irina was going through or because of this meeting.

"Where are Seth and Embry?" I asked Jake, but it was Edward who answered.

"They phased," he explained. "They're outside in the woods. They can hear us."

"Let's get started then," Carlisle said, officially beginning our meeting.

xxx

Ten minutes later they knew what had happened in Chicago. I'd left the talking to Edward because I was afraid that if I started talking about Eden or any of the things that had gone wrong, I'd start sobbing again. As Alice hadn't caught all the events in Chicago, Edward told them the whole story except for one little detail—that he'd be dead if I hadn't saved him. I assumed he didn't want to upset Esme.

"Eden and I weren't very close," I said when Carlisle offered me his condolences for her death. "At least Edward killed her murderer. I know that Victoria took Liv to a place even Sarah—Eden's killer—didn't know anything about, which made her angry enough to change the orders she'd received. She'd been ordered to capture me and Edward alive," I explained when Carlisle looked at me questioningly, "but she decided to kill us instead. As for where Victoria is now, we don't know because the vampire I questioned didn't know either."

"Are you sure?" Jasper inquired doubtfully. "Edward?"

"They didn't know," Edward confirmed flatly, his tone causing Jasper to raise his eyebrows in consternation.

I rolled my eyes. Edward didn't need to snap at others on my behalf, especially since Jasper couldn't know that my gift—me, a gift!—had rendered me temporarily capable of reading minds as well. "Anyway," I said in my best doctor's voice, the one that made grumpy teenagers more compliant in eight cases out of ten, and they both looked at me, surprised, "going to Chicago didn't do us a shred of good. We neither know Victoria's location nor have we any way of finding her."

"Maybe we do," Edward said, smiling crookedly. That got everyone's attention. Alice leaned forward in her seat, eyes intent. Emmett poked his head around the wall separating living room and dining area, although his face clouded when his gaze fell on Rosalie, who of all the places she could have chosen had opted for the free seat beside me on the sofa.

"We do?" I asked, baffled and excited at the same time. If Edward had really figured out how to track Victoria down… "Did I miss something?"

Edward's smile grew broader. "I've never given much thought to how Victoria's gift works up until now. It occurred to me that it's entirely possible that her ability to know when someone's after her is psychic rather than physical…" His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He whipped around to face Eleazar, who was smiling sheepishly. It was rare for Edward to show his surprise openly and I couldn't quite keep myself from smiling. His next words wiped the smile off my face though. "You've met her?" he demanded incredulously. "Why didn't you say so?"

Eleazar raised his hands in defence. "I didn't know it was actually her. It wasn't until I learned more about her gift that I realised I once encountered her many, many years ago while I was still with the Volturi."

The others had doubtlessly heard this before—that he'd been with the Volturi, not the Victoria part—but neither Jake nor I had. Jake didn't know much about who Edward had once referred to as the royalty of their world except for what I'd told him and my knowledge about them was based solely on Edward's brief account on that fateful day over nine years ago.

The revelation that he'd met Victoria, however, came as a surprise to all of us.

"How?" I asked curiously.

"Has Edward told you about my gift?" Eleazar asked and when I nodded he continued, "That's why I was asked to join them in the first place. I found vampires who were graced with extraordinary gifts and reported back to Aro. There are many very talented vampires in the Volturi Guard and most of them are there because of me. At least that's what I've come to realise over the past years. Aro rarely joined punitive expeditions, but when he did it was usually to offer one of the vampires who'd been accused of an act of transgression a place in the Guard if he swore to break the law never again and most of them accepted willingly. It took me the better part of four hundred years to figure out these vampires were the very ones I'd told him about." He smiled wryly. "But you wanted to know how I came to meet Victoria. Her coven, which had grown unusually large, had been accused of breaking the law. That I was there the night Aro confronted them was pure coincidence. I was on my way back to Volterra when I crossed his scent and I decided to follow it out of curiosity. I came upon them just as Aro was looking into the leader's mind. He declared her guilty and the Guard killed her immediately." He grimaced. "That was before I began to question Aro's actions, so I assumed she deserved to die. Aro offered one of the vampires to join him—she's still with them—and told the Guard to kill the remaining two. They tried to run, of course, but the Guard quickly caught up with them, mainly because of the tracker Demetri. The Guard tore one of them to shreds in seconds, but not before she'd shouted at Victoria to run for it and she did. Demetri tried as hard as she could, but he wasn't able to find her again. I was able to explain to Aro why that was. He showed no interest in capturing and killing Victoria. Today I know it was because he already had what he wanted—Heidi, the vampire he'd pardoned—and because Victoria's gift wasn't very special as far as gifts go and of no use to him."

"What exactly is her gift?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"Just what you've suspected. Victoria knows when someone decides to go after her and how close that person is. It's psychic rather than physical, just as Edward said. That means your idea," he looked at Edward, "could work. If you think what I think you're thinking, that is."

"Why don't you just explain your idea," Carlisle suggested, probably speaking for all of us. "What makes you sure we can sneak up on Victoria now that we know that her gift works?"

"_We_ can't," Edward replied, barely able to contain the smile that was already tugging at his lips. "Not on our own anyway. But it's possible," his gaze shifted to me, "if Bella helps us."

"What?" I asked blankly. I had no idea what Edward was talking about? How could I possibly help them finding Victoria? If she knew when she was being chased, then how could I…

_Oh_.

"Eleazar has figured out why I can't read Bella's mind or why Kate's gift wouldn't work on Bella if she tried to use it on her," Edward continued hastily, seeing comprehension dawn on my face. It was obvious that he was afraid I'd say no. If he'd told me before, I definitely would have, which was probably exactly why he hadn't.

"A natural shielding ability?" Jasper asked sharply. He was looking at me intently, almost speculatively as if he was really seeing me for the very first time. "Limited to the psychic plane, otherwise Alice wouldn't see her and I wouldn't be able to influence her emotions," he concluded.

"That's essentially it," Edward agreed. "Eleazar told me about it a few days ago."

"Surely you're not suggesting sending Bella after Victoria alone?" Esme asked in disbelief mixed with disapproval. "You've seen her fight! She'd be dead within a matter of minutes."

_Thanks for the vote of confidence_. I knew that Esme didn't mean it that way and that she was only worried. Chicago had amply proven that I couldn't defend myself and I didn't like to contemplate what would happen if I actually went after a vampire better trained than I was. I wouldn't last two seconds. Esme was right, but her words still rankled. They made me feel useless.

_Which you are_, a small voice in the back of my mind whispered. _At least in a fight._

"No, of course not," Edward retorted. Esme's insinuation that he'd deliberately put me into harm's way caused him to speak more sharply to her than he normally would have. She raised her eyebrows in response, folding her arms in front of her chest and regarding him with a chilly look. Edward stared stubbornly back at her.

"I believe Edward wants Bella to shield us as well as herself, thus nullifying Victoria's gift," Carlisle said calmly. He placed his hand on Esme's shoulder. She looked away from Edward just long enough to meet her husband's eyes and what she saw in them made her drop her arms and sigh. "I'm sure she's fine," I heard Carlisle whisper as he brushed his lips across her forehead. Esme closed her eyes with a sigh that was almost a sob and buried her face in his shoulder. I'd never seen them exchange gestures of affection so openly before.

In my peripheral vision I saw Rosalie's hands clench into fists at her side. Looking at her, the guilt on her face was evident, an emotion I'd thought her all but incapable off. I feared for Freya and I wished Rosalie hadn't spoken to her so harshly, but I was certain she hadn't meant to hurt her or anyone else, for that matter. Rosalie simply didn't think before she spoke, let alone pause to consider the consequences of her words.

I wished I knew why she was so bitter.

"I assume you have proof that Bella is capable of shielding others beside herself?" Eleazar asked, worried. "I was only theorising when I suggested as much."

Edward nodded, apparently unwilling to elaborate and only continued when Carlisle raised his eyebrows expectantly and Jasper began tapping his fingers impatiently on the backrest of the armchair Alice was sitting in. "I almost died in Chicago," he said very quietly, his golden eyes on me. Esme gasped and Alice's eyes widened, which made me wonder why she hadn't seen the fight.

"What?" Emmett demanded incredulously.

He was probably speaking for all of them. They were as surprised and shocked as Jake had been.

"I couldn't read their leaders mind," Edward continued evenly, "and her second in command was too preoccupied to think about it, so I didn't realise he was gifted until it was almost too late. I had just managed to get my arms around the leader's head when all of a sudden I was unable to move. I was completely paralysed. I could feel my arms and legs, but I had no control over them." His voice dropped to a whisper. A shiver ran down my spine as I recalled the fear in his eyes, the realisation that he was about to die. And I remembered my own fear and the panic that had surged through me. "I could feel my skin begin to crack," he whispered barely audibly.

Esme lifted her hands to her face, eyes wide and fearful although Edward was standing barely two feet away, completely unharmed. Carlisle closed his arms around her.

"And then it stopped."

Edward was still looking at me. His gratitude was obvious and if I still could have, I would have blushed because it didn't feel right. That I'd prevented his death had been nothing but coincidence. I hadn't done it consciously because I hadn't known I had the means to save him. I didn't want him to be grateful for something I had no control over, for something that had only happened because some primal part of me, a part that acted purely on instinct, and the need to protect one's mate at all cost—and no matter what I'd decide in the end, that was what Edward would always be to me—had taken over.

"I was no longer paralysed," Edward went on briskly, half smiling apologetically at Esme. "I killed Hugh before he had time to realise what was happening, then I went after Sarah." He shrugged. "As I could suddenly read her mind, it was relatively easy. If Eleazar hadn't told me about Bella's gift, I might not have realised that it was she who saved my life. There's no other explanation for the sudden failure of Hugh's gift—and Sarah's, for that matter—so I think it's safe to say that she's capable of spreading her shield over others."

"She shielded you for only a moment though," Eleazar cautioned. "You're talking about her shielding you for a long period of time. Bella," he said to me, smiling kindly, "do you think you could shield any of us right now?"

The others shifted their attention to me once more. "No," I replied, frowning as I tried to reach out for that _something_ in my mind that I had yet to define. "I have no idea how to use it. I can tell it's there, now that I know about it, but that's about it." I raised my hands in a helpless shrug. "I like your plan, Edward, I really do, but I doubt I'll be able to learn to control this shield," I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again, "quickly enough to save Liv's life."

"Bella," Jasper said hesitantly and I knew I wasn't going to like what he said next, "chances are she's already dead." The others glanced at each other as if they'd been thinking the same but hadn't dared to say it out loud. I pressed my lips tightly together to keep myself from snapping at him. I was painfully aware of the fact that I'd had the same thought only a few hours before and that Jasper was probably right, but things hadn't changed since then. I'd never forgive myself if Liv died because I'd given up on her. Time was against me, but what choice did I have?

She was my friend. I wouldn't leave her to her fate.

Jasper sighed as he felt my determination and shook his head. He didn't say anything further on the matter, but it was clear that he believed I was wasting my time worrying about a human who'd most likely already been killed.

I glared at him stubbornly.

"How do you intend to find Victoria before she kills your friend?" Jasper asked annoyingly reasonably. "If she hasn't done so already that is. Mastering your gift and using it against her is our best shot."

I knew he had a point, but I'd rather bitten off my own tongue than admitting that he was right. I didn't even know where to start. Victoria could be hiding anywhere. I'd probably find her eventually, but it would take too long. There had to be another way.

"Jasper is right," Eleazar said. "That doesn't mean we'll give up on your friend, Bella, but until we come up with a better plan to track Victoria down, trying to master your shield as quickly as you can really is our best option."

"That's why I suggested it," Edward added softly. I looked at him, a spark of betrayal flashing up in the back of my mind. He'd promised to help me find Liv. He met my accusing gaze levelly. "I'll do whatever it takes to save her life. Right now that's helping you with your shield in every way I can, at least until I've come up with a better plan, just as Eleazar said."

_He's right,_ the reasonable, rational part of my mind remarked. _The faster you master your shield, the sooner you can go after Liv._

But even 'as soon as possible' might still be too late to save her.

"We should go over what we know so far again as well," Jake suggested. "It's easy to overlook something when you've been focused on the same problem for too long. It always helps us." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the trees across the driveway to where Seth and Embry had settled down.

"That's an excellent idea," Carlisle said, smiling at Jake, "although I'm afraid you'll have to do without me." He checked his watch. "I'd better get going. I'm scheduled for surgery in two hours."

"Let's do it tomorrow then," Eleazar replied in a dismissive voice that signalled the end of the meeting. Irina darted out of the room before anyone could stop her, leaving her sisters and Carmen to stare after her. I wondered if she'd ever get over losing Laurent. I certainly hadn't fully gotten over losing Edward.

Kate sighed quietly. "I'll talk to her," she said, though by the look Tanya and Carmen exchanged once Kate was gone it was clear they doubted that talking—which was probably what they'd been doing ever since Irina learned what had happened to Laurent—was doing any good.

"Let's do it tomorrow," Eleazar repeated, frowning. "It's been a very long week for all of us and even vampires require rest once in a while."

That was Carlisle's cue to leave. He kissed Esme softly and patted Edward on the shoulder, then he bade the rest us good night and left. Carmen settled onto Eleazar's lap, putting her head against his chest and quietly murmuring to him in rapid Spanish.

"The sun will shine tomorrow," Alice announced with a grimace that made it abundantly clear how little she cared for that kind of weather and what it meant for us. "Jake," she continued, with the air of a general issuing orders he expected to be followed to the letter, "I need you to be at our place tomorrow morning because they're delivering my Porsche and someone will have to sign for it."

Jake stared at her.

"Bella–"

I grimaced. Alice talking to me like that wasn't a good sign. It usually meant that she had something in mind she knew I wouldn't like but intended to make me do anyway—like picking up Rosalie at the airport and we all knew how well that had turned out.

"–we'll go over the concept for your new living room later."

"Now?" I asked incredulously. "Don't you think we have better things to do?" _Like figuring out how to use this blasted shield as quickly as possible for example_, I thought bleakly. I knew I couldn't do it, just as I'd told them. I didn't even know where to start. The first time I'd used it, it had felt as if the thin layer of the _thing_ that usually hovered protectively around my mind—now that I knew that it was there I could feel it—had stretched away from me and stretched and stretched and then wound itself firmly around Edward's mind. I'd felt him in my head. Not the first time because I'd been too preoccupied then to pay much attention to what was going on inside my head, but the second time he'd been there, in the back of my mind. The problem was that neither of those times I'd used it consciously, which was exactly what I'd have to learn in order to save Liv and soon.

I hoped Alice didn't really expect me to sit down with her to go over her so-called concept for my living room which I wasn't the least bit interested in, not now.

Alice shook her head, regarding me sternly. "No," she said emphatically, "we don't. Not tonight. There'll be plenty of time for practising tomorrow. You can't go to work anyway. Eleazar's right, you know," she added more softly when I didn't answer immediately.

"My idea of rest is a hot bath, followed by a good night's sleep," I replied dryly, although unfortunately the latter wasn't an option anymore.

"Oh, well." Alice gave a dismissive shrug. "You can take that bath first if you want to. Besides," she continued, looking rather smug, "you don't have to do much. Just nod and say yes to everything I say and tell me what excellent taste I have."

_At least_, I thought in morbid amusement while Jake tried not to laugh and failed miserably, _Alice has a way of making everything else seem less bleak compared to what she throws at you._


	25. Arrangements

**A/N:** The story is coming to an end. Very slowly, but I'm getting there. The next chapter should clear things up a little, so you can look forward to it. I wasn't very happy with this chapter, but the suggestions of my beta **KayMarieXW** made it so much better that now I really like it! Thank you so much for your help and support!

Thanks to all who took the time to write a review or who alerted to Lifelines! You have no idea how happy that makes me.

BTW, have you seen the Breaking Dawn trailer yet? I LOVED it. Hopefully November 24 will arrive quickly!

**Disclaimer:** The Twilight Saga is the property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

25. ARRANGEMENTS

EDWARD

_Cause all I ever wanted's so far gone_

_And if I had my chance, I'd go along_

_Fallin' Down, Goo Goo Dolls_

"You got a minute?"

Turning, I found Jacob standing behind me, a dubious look on his face. I'd heard him approach, but I'd assumed he was headed back to the city. Alice had talked Bella rather forcibly into giving her a ride, meaning that Jacob had to walk. In wolf form he could easily travel the distance to our house that was situated just outside Anchorage, so my eyebrows arched in surprise as I realised he meant to ask me for a ride because I hadn't caught the thoughts leading up to his decision.

"Yes, sure." I gestured at the car. "Get in."

Jacob nodded absently, still frowning rather dubiously as he slid into the passenger's seat, closing the door only when I'd started the engine. He immediately rolled down the window as far as it would go. I smirked, careful not to let Jacob see my face. He smelled as unpleasant to me as I smelled to him.

As I drove up the narrow winding road leading out of the valley, neither of us spoke. Jacob was sorting his thoughts, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say, then snorted as remembered that I probably already knew. I could read his mind after all, couldn't I?

"Your mind is very complex," I told him when he turned his head to look at me expectantly. "That makes it difficult for me to catch everything, especially when you're thinking about several things simultaneously."

"Is that so?" Jacob asked, his tone and expression wry. "Are you sure you just don't want to hear me say it? Oh, well, I guess it doesn't matter either way," he said without giving me the chance to answer, sighing a little. He glanced outside, frowning. The landscape was flashing past so fast it was no more than a swirl of white and black for him; his visual perception, while far better than a human's, was still limited compared to a vampire's. The cop in him was horrified by the way I drove, but the wolf couldn't have cared less.

I waited patiently. I hadn't lied—his mind was more complex than a human's, layered somehow. I'd never seen the like, not until I'd met Seth and Embry. Their minds had evolved beyond a human's in order to accommodate their telepathic link, the collective pack mind they shared as wolves. Used to the simple minds of humans and the highly organised minds of vampires, the complexity of Jacob's mind made it difficult for me to pick out specific thoughts when he was thinking about many things at the same time, like he was now.

"I don't like you," he said eventually, briefly looking my way to gauge my reaction and shrugging almost imperceptibly when my face remained expressionless. "I don't hate you—not anymore anyway—because it's kind of hard to hate someone that the person you care about most loves so much." His flat voice held an edge of bitterness. "To be completely honest, I wish she didn't, but I guess you know that already."

"I do," I confirmed, smiling humourlessly. "I know it's hard to believe, but there were times when I wished for the same."

Jacob's eyebrows shot up, almost disappearing into his hairline. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that he didn't believe me. He'd had to concede that my feelings for Bella were deeper than he'd assumed, but if I loved her as much as I claimed, so much that I wished she didn't love me back, then why hadn't I walked away before she'd fallen for me, before it had been too late?

The brief silence was strained. "I didn't walk away," I said very softly, breaking it, "because I was too weak. I didn't realise I was falling in love with her until I already had. I told her to stay away from me. I may look and act like a human, but I'm not. I'm a predator, designed to kill. I tried to make her understand, but…" I slowly shook my head. "You know how she is."

Jacob heaved a sigh. "Yeah, I do."

"I still should have left, but I convinced myself that she was safe with me, that I could protect her. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but even then I knew that the reason I didn't leave was because I wasn't strong enough to. You think of us as stones," I said when Jacob shot me yet another doubtful look, "and in a way we are because change is almost impossible for us. It takes something extraordinarily powerful to instigate change in us, like falling in love. At the same time our capacity for emotion is greater than you could possibly imagine. It was impossible to change the way I felt about Bella, but I thought I could change how she felt about me."

"That's why you lied to her?" Jacob asked quietly. "That's why you told her you didn't love her anymore? So that she'd let you go?" He shook his head incredulously. "Jeez, you should have known she wouldn't. It's Bella we're talking about."

"You're right," I replied with a curt nod, wishing I'd picked up the phone when Alice had tried to call me in those first weeks after we'd left Forks. If I'd listened to her, maybe she'd have made me change my mind. "I should have. I know that now. In my arrogance, I failed to see that her feelings for me were just as strong as mine for her."

"Why didn't you change her?" Jacob asked, his voice devoid of emotion. It went against his nature to even consider that possibility, to allow a human life to be taken that way, but the memory that filtered into his mind made him wonder for the briefest of moments if maybe, just maybe, it would have been better if I'd turned her. He was remembering the way Bella had looked the first time she'd come to visit him, so frail he'd been afraid the wind would blow her away. "If you loved her so much, then why didn't you turn her into one of you?"

"I feared for her soul." I smiled sadly at the surprise bordering on shock that flashed up in Jacob's mind like lightning. That wasn't what he'd expected. He didn't know _what_ he'd expected, but not that, certainly not that. "For a very long time I believed that I paid for immortality with my soul. I didn't want Bella to lose hers. That's the reason I refused to change her, although she repeatedly asked me to. Looking back, I realise how foolish it was of me to believe that. How can Bella, who is so kind and loving and compassionate, not have a soul anymore? But that was then. That's why I said that there were times I wished that Bella didn't love me. I wanted her to live a normal, a human life. I wanted her to have a family. With me, that was impossible."

"If she didn't love you, none of this would have happened," Jacob said quietly. I felt his eyes bore into me, but I didn't turn my head to meet his gaze, instead staring ahead without really seeing the muddy road. My silence was answer enough.

"I want to hate you for that," Jacob said eventually, his voice impassive and somewhat resigned. "I want to blame you for everything that's happened, for the people that died because of that redheaded bitch and for the pain she caused Bella, but…" An image flickered into his mind. His former alpha Sam, a woman by his side, the left side of her face marred by a ghastly scar. "That's Emily," Jacob said and I realised he'd pulled the picture to the surface of his mind for me to see. "Sam's wife."

"Was she mauled by a bear?" The scars bore resemblance to the ugly crimson gashes in Emmett's skin the night Rosalie had arrived with him on our doorstep, begging Carlisle to change him for her.

Jacob smiled humourlessly. "That's the official story." Another memory, the perspective and pattern of thoughts unfamiliar this time. I saw Emily before me, her face twisted in anger but free of any scars. Fear of losing control laced the thoughts Jacob was showing me. Sam's thoughts, I understood. The memory wasn't Jacob's. Sam stepped back, trying to get away from Emily, but she followed him, her eyes wild. He was reaching out to her to push her away when he lost control and phased, his hand, which suddenly became a paw with claws, too close to Emily's face. Emily staggered backwards, blood erupting from her face and her left arm. Then she fell.

Jacob let the memory slip away. "Sam still struggles with what he did that night, every time he sees the scars on her face," he said quietly. "He knows Emily forgave him the moment she woke up at the hospital, but he can't forgive himself. He… imprinted on her. That's what we call it. Emily literally is the centre of his universe. He is tied to her so completely that after he'd scarred her he couldn't even kill himself without her permission."

My lips twitched faintly. Jacob had just summed up the way I felt about Bella.

"I want to hate you," Jacob said, returning to our original conversation, "but I can't because I know what it feels like to love someone so desperately that staying away from that person is impossible. I never thought I'd say this to a vampire, least of all to you, but I understand why you couldn't walk away. Sam couldn't either."

"Thank you," I said softly.

"That doesn't mean I won't hunt you down if you hurt her," he said, his eyes hard. It was a warning I'd better keep in mind. He wouldn't let me hurt Bella again.

_But then_, I thought, steering the car along the road leading to our house, paying no attention to the uneven ground, _if I do, Jacob hunting me down and tearing me apart limb by limb will be no more than I deserve._

xxx

"That's the colour she wanted?" Jasper asked dubiously, looking over the canary yellow Porsche with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. He, Emmett, Jacob and I stood outside in the bright sunlight, staring at Alice's new car.

"Yes," I confirmed, grimacing. Alice usually had good taste, but this time it seemed to have failed her. "At least it's unlikely she'll get into an accident, with a colour like that," I added, trying to be positive, although the probability of Alice getting into an accident was zero as it was.

"It's… flashy," Jacob agreed, glad that nobody in Anchorage knew him because Alice had asked him to drive the car over to Bella's place. The thought of Embry and Seth seeing him behind the wheel of that thing didn't exactly fill him with happy anticipation.

"It's one ugly car, that's for sure," Emmett said with his usual bluntness.

"I'd better get it over with then," Jacob said, sighing. "I'll see you tonight." Climbing in, he turned the key in the ignition and the engine came to life, gently purring like a pampered cat. Waving at us, Jacob backed out of the driveway, careful to avoid the piled-up snow.

"I thought she had better taste in cars," Emmett said thoughtfully, quickly stepping aside to avoid Jasper's blow. Having anticipated as much, Jasper spun around to close the distance, the edge of his left hand connecting hard with Emmett's skull. "Hey!" he complained, rubbing his head. He tore off after Jasper, the both of them disappearing behind the house to sort out their squabble the way they usually did, with their fists.

I went back inside, indecisive. Esme was upstairs in her study, on the phone with her client. I didn't want to interrupt, so I sat down at the piano instead to work at the piece I'd been composing for Alice.

The night had been quiet. Jacob had joined Emmett and Jasper for a fighting session so that Jasper could get a feel for his abilities as a wolf, then he'd nodded off while watching TV. _Nice to see he finally trusts us_, Esme had said, smiling down at his sleeping form for a moment before she'd gone off to fetch a blanket. I had to agree, although I still found it hard to reconcile the Jacob I'd met a few days ago with the Jacob asleep on the living room couch. So much had changed in just a few short days that they felt like decades to me.

Rosalie hadn't made an appearance all night. Worried, Esme had called her to make sure she had a place to stay during the day, but Rosalie had switched her phone off. She probably figured that if we were ignoring her she was free to do the same. I sighed, realising I was being unfair. I hadn't paid very close attention to Rosalie's thoughts last night, but enough to notice that she'd been uncharacteristically thoughtful.

Upstairs, Esme dropped her phone on her desk, muttering a mild expletive.

"Why don't you just quit?" I asked. I hadn't really followed the conversation, but what I saw in Esme's mind now was enough to know that her client was being difficult again. He'd been difficult from the second Esme took the job. "Let him find someone else to finish his house," I suggested.

Esme sighed. "I suppose I should." She looked rather unhappy as she walked into the living room. I moved aside, inviting her to sit down beside me. Smiling absently, she sank onto the piano bench. I switched from Alice's piece to the simple tune I'd been teaching Esme. She wasn't very good at it yet because, like Alice, she preferred singing over playing. "I guess the reason I haven't already is because it would feel like giving up," she said thoughtfully. "And then of course he's Carlisle's boss."

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "He is? I didn't know that."

"Neither did I until I met him the day after the reception so we could go after the plans I'd requested for him. Imagine my surprise." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "He was practically drooling. I'm still glad his wife was home that day because if he'd tried to hit on me, I'd have hit back—and not just figuratively. I don't think I've ever met someone more unpleasant. I didn't mention this to Carlisle and I'd rather you didn't either because for all his outward calm you know how protective he can get. I really don't want to move again so soon."

A crack like gunfire made Esme and me jump.

"Oh, what now?" she muttered darkly, shot to her feet and dashed to the window to find out what Emmett and Jasper had wreaked havoc upon now. Opening it, she peered outside, but as my brothers had taken their mock fight to the back of the house, she couldn't see the source of the noise.

I slowly shook my head, grinning. Jasper had made Emmett run into a tree that hadn't been strong enough to withstand the force of roughly a hundred kilos slamming into it. Esme sighed in resignation when I told her, but she wasn't very surprised. Then again she'd had almost half a century to get used to Emmett and Jasper's bickering. She'd seen it all.

Sitting back down, she moved her fingers clumsily over the keys. She was mad at her client and mad at herself because she still put up with him although she'd reached her personal limit for dealing with pig-headed humans almost a week ago. She was afraid because Freya hadn't come back yet and because of what I had suggested last night and upset because Carlisle wasn't here. _He should have stayed home_, she thought unhappily, frowning at her hands that glittered in the wintry sunlight streaming in through the windows.

"He'll be fine," I said softly. I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "He's been out before and you know how careful he is."

"I know," Esme whispered. "It's just… There's so much to worry about at the moment. Freya. Bella. That idiotic plan you came up with. Rosalie. I don't want to have to worry about Carlisle too."

"My plan's not idiotic," I muttered darkly, but I couldn't quite keep the smile off my face as I said it, and Esme laughed once, her face lighting up for a moment. She tousled my hair, smiling affectionately, but then the smile faded and was replaced by anxiety again.

"Seriously Edward, how could you even suggest such a thing?" she asked, frowning. "You've seen Bella fight. Even if one of us is with her, do you really think she'll stand a chance?"

_At least she's not thinking about Carlisle anymore_, I thought as I swallowed a sigh, although Esme was right. The idea had just popped into my head and I'd wanted to say something, anything, to chase the despair off Bella's face. I should have thought it through more thoroughly before I'd brought it up, but I hadn't expected Bella to refuse so flatly.

_Was it really so unexpected?_ I wondered. She'd flown halfway across the country to save her friend and I'd all but asked her to give up on her. That wasn't what I'd intended. I'd promised her to help her find Olivia and I'd keep that promise if it was the last thing I did, but until we figured out a better way to go about it, what I'd suggested was our best option.

"I don't know," I said eventually, in response to Esme's question. "I hope so, because right now that's the only thing we can do. I'm aware that it could take her months, maybe even years, to master her gift and that we don't have that long if we want to save Olivia, but stopping Victoria is our primary objective."

"You sound like Jasper." Esme sighed. "Bella didn't seem very happy about that."

"No," I agreed unhappily, "no, she didn't." Esme was referring to the look of betrayal she'd shot me upon my proposal, but I was thinking of what she'd said to me before she and Alice had left.

"I'm grateful you came to Chicago with me," she'd whispered after dragging me outside so that our family wouldn't overhear what she had to say. "But that doesn't give you the right to suggest something like that without consulting me first."

Her words had struck home. "Bella," I'd begun, but she'd just shaken her head and walked away, ignoring Alice's chatter as the two of them got into the car and drove off. I'd done it again. I'd made a decision without asking her first, which was exactly what had gotten us into this mess in the first place. Worse, I hadn't even realised that I had until she'd pointed it out to me.

_You're an idiot_, a voice in the back of my mind whispered.

"Edward," Esme said, pulling me back into the present, "I wanted to apologise for the way I acted. I know you'd never put Bella in danger. I'm sorry I even thought about it."

"Oh, Esme." I kissed the top of her head. "You don't have to apologise. I know you didn't mean it and if someone has to apologise for the way he acted, it's me. I'm sorry I snapped at you." Esme always worried about the things she'd said and done, afraid she'd hurt us. In terms of human years, Esme was the oldest of us and her unhappy human life had shaped the way she thought and acted. In the beginning she'd been afraid to speak her mind, afraid Carlisle would get upset and take it out on her like her first husband had. It had taken her a very long time to understand that he wasn't like that and that he valued her opinion.

But old habits died hard.

Esme smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "I don't want to lose another child," she whispered eventually, finally revealing what was really on her mind. "I can't."

I gathered her against my chest, now too wishing that Carlisle was home. He was better at comforting her. "You won't," I said softly. "We'll be careful. I won't let Bella go after Victoria unprepared. I promise. You know I'd never hurt her."

The front door flew open with a bang and Emmett waltzed in, massaging the fingers of his left hand with a grimace. Esme glanced up, narrowing her eyes when she saw him. "Did you lose your hand again?" she asked in the tone of someone who knew she shouldn't be surprised.

"Just a few fingers this time," Emmett replied. He shot a glare over his shoulder, but Jasper pretended not to notice. He flopped on the couch ungracefully. Emmett muttered something under his breath that made Jasper hurl a pillow at him. Emmett, having anticipated as much, ducked. The pillow hit the wall with a thump, grazing the oil painting hanging there. Esme darted over to catch it before it fell.

"What did I tell you?" she demanded, glaring at Jasper from above the gilded frame of the painting that was twice as wide as Esme. "No fighting in the house!" Turning around, she put the painting back where it belonged, deciding to dust the frame while she was at it.

Emmett shrugged. "Jasper started it," he said, conveniently forgetting that he'd provoked him. In the kitchen Esme huffed while she was looking for the feather duster she knew had to be there somewhere. _She okay?_ he asked.

"I think so," I said. "She's worried and I can't really blame her." I mouthed the last sentence because I didn't want Esme to overhear.

"I hope we'll find Victoria soon," Jasper muttered. Esme's constant anxiety was making him edgy. "Do you think Bella will agree to that plan of yours? Which by the way I think is brilliant, although you probably should have talked about it with her first."

"You think?" I asked sourly.

Jasper's face softened. A person's emotions usually gave him a very good idea of what was on his or her mind. It was a lot of guesswork of course, but he'd grown more experienced over time and was right more often than he was wrong. And he knew me too well not to know what I was thinking. "She wasn't very happy about your proposition. I'm not entirely sure if that was because of what it would mean for her friend or because you went over her head, but I suppose it doesn't really matter."

"I guess not," I muttered. "We'll find out tonight. Hopefully she'll be in a better mood than yesterday, though I'm trying not to get my hopes up, what with Alice pestering her all day."

_That wasn't the brightest thing to say_, I thought thirty seconds later when Jasper was dragging me outside by the collar of my shirt, having lunged at me before his intentions had time to register. Then again, trying to avoid being beaten into pulp—figuratively speaking of course—would maybe finally get my mind off Bella and the threat Victoria posed for a while.

Hope sprang eternal after all.

xxx

_This is ridiculous_. Jasper's mental remark was directed at nobody in particular, but of course I picked up on it anyway. I shot a sympathetic smile in his direction, trying to chase the tension that had settled over me away. Although I wasn't directly influenced by the emotions of the people around me the way Jasper was, their thoughts did tend to affect my mood. The crushing tension that hung over tonight's meeting had nothing to do with the meeting itself, but was the result of what had transpired during the day. It set the tone nonetheless.

Jasper was right. It _was_ ridiculous.

Alice had come home around sunset, in a mood so foul Jasper had decided to keep away from her until she'd calmed down. She probably would have eventually, but Emmett, never in great supply of tactfulness and lacking Jasper's or my extra senses, had carelessly commented on the fact that she reeked of paint and turpentine. Alice had snapped and gone straight for his throat. Emmett had managed to catch her by the collar of her shirt, holding her at arm's length while she'd snarled at him. Esme, ill-tempered because I'd accidentally thrown Jasper onto the roof of the garage so hard that it had caved in, had lost her temper and yelled at them both. Jasper had cast a blanket of calm over us that was so heavy I'd found it difficult to stay focused.

"What's the matter with you?" Esme had demanded, but Alice had twisted out of Emmett's grip and stomped upstairs into her room without an explanation. Don't you dare tell them! she'd snarled at me before slamming the door shut behind her.

"If I tell you, she'll kill me," I'd said when Esme's gaze shifted to me, her eyebrows raised expectantly. As a result Esme was now upset with me, as well as Alice.

_Maybe I should have told her_, I mused, resisting the urge to run my hand through my hair. _It certainly would have made my life a lot easier._ For a while, anyway—Alice would have found a way to pay me back like she always did. I tried to stay out of her way. To be honest, I found the source of her anger quite amusing, although I'd rather bite my tongue off than tell her that. Her day hadn't gone the way she planned, starting with Rosalie's offer to drive Seth and Embry back to Bella's last night. Embry had declined her offer, but Seth had gladly accepted it. He actually liked her and she liked him back, simply because he wasn't treating her the way we had for the last two days. That much had become clear on the short drive out to Denali. He'd been told what she'd said to Freya, and while he was concerned for her, he'd never met the girl and she was a vampire after all. Besides, judging by what I'd seen of Seth so far, he wasn't one to hold a grudge against someone just because everybody else did.

Ticked off by Rosalie's presence, Alice had snapped at Bella, who'd then refused to go along with what Alice had planned for the day. That wouldn't have bothered Alice so much under different circumstances—she'd rather work alone than having people in her way—but last night it had, which had caused her to ignore Bella, and Seth and Rosalie for that matter, for the rest of the day. The final straw had been the delivery of the new furniture for Bella's living room. The delivery men had shown up only shortly before sunset, several hours later than Alice had told them to. Maybe that wouldn't have been so bad if she'd seen it happening. But blinded by the presence of the wolves she missed it, which had led her to make a rather ill-considered remark in Jacob's presence. By what little I'd managed to pick out of my sister's mind before she'd started to recite Milton's _Paradise Lost_ to shut me out, Jacob hadn't taken offence—but Embry had, on his alpha's account. He didn't know Alice had acted so childishly only because she was afraid her inability to see the future with the pack around would make her useless in the upcoming fight. That the redecoration of Bella's living room hadn't gone according to plan wasn't the reason she'd snapped. What with the pressure she was under, it would have happened eventually anyway.

"Why don't we start at the beginning?" Carlisle suggested hoping his pleasant tone would somehow diffuse the tension in the room. He glanced at Jasper, concerned. Jasper had tightly wrapped us in a layer of tranquillity the moment we'd assembled and he looked strained. It wasn't an emotional climate he particularly enjoyed and while he could normally count on Alice to do something about it, tonight she wasn't exactly helpful.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Carmen said suddenly, placing her hand on her hips and glaring on each of us in turn. Alice squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Esme's gaze dropped to the floor. Bella sighed. Rosalie stared her down. "Pull yourselves together! You'd think this was a bunch of kindergarteners. Alice, I'm very sorry you've had a bad day, but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on everyone else. Bella, I know that Alice can be difficult—oh, don't you look at me like that, _señorita_!" she snapped when Alice shot a glare her way. "I know she can be difficult," she continued, "but that's something you'll just have to get used to. Rose…" For a moment she paused. She was still blaming Rosalie for chasing Freya away, but Carmen despised discord and she was aware that treating Rosalie like a leper wouldn't bring the girl back. "I'm very glad you've made a new friend." She nodded at Seth, who, like Jacob, was in human form tonight and sat in the armchair Rosalie was leaning against, with her arms folded in front of her chest.

Rosalie's eyes widened, surprised—those words were the kindest she'd heard since Freya ran away. Jasper's eyebrows rose as he registered the sudden flare of shame, an emotion he hadn't been sure Rosalie was capable of.

"Now," Carmen said, "why don't we start at the beginning, as Carlisle suggested? When did Victoria start coming after you again, Bella?"

"I wouldn't have gone back quite that far," Carlisle replied, with a wry smile, "but it's actually a good idea. It may give us a better feel for how Victoria works."

Bella exchanged a quick glance with Jacob, then shrugged. "Why not?" she said. "If it helps us." She sounded doubtful. "Well, I suppose it began with me meeting Laurent in the meadow Edward had once taken me to. I went there to… Oh, I guess it doesn't matter why I went there. He told me he'd gone up to Denali and that Victoria had contacted him a few days prior and asked him to try and find out as much as possible about me and the Cullens."

Irina hadn't joined us for today's meeting, but she was upstairs, listening intently to everything Bella was saying. She'd heard it all before and she didn't want to hear it again, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and leave either.

"Luckily Laurent didn't much care about Victoria's plans for revenge and decided to have me for himself. That's when Jake and the pack showed up, only at the time I didn't know it was Jake. I only saw Victoria once after that, in the water after I'd jumped off a cliff…"

I stared at her, with the same expression of horror on my face as the rest of my family wore except for Esme, whose eyes were understanding. She knew what it was like to be so desperate, so alone that death seemed to be the only way out, the only way to gain some peace.

_Jesus, you should see the look on your face_, Jacob thought, smirking, catching my attention and momentarily distracting me from the paralysing dread at the thought of Bella having tried to kill herself. What had I done to her? _She didn't try to kill herself_. Jacob rolled his eyes. _She'd seen us jump off cliffs for fun and decided to give it a try._

That probably should have cleared things up, but it didn't. The initial horror dissipated quickly, leaving confusion behind. I found it hard to envision Bella doing something so reckless for fun.

"I did not try to kill myself," Bella said, with very little patience, and I gathered that this was a situation she'd been in before. She narrowed her eyes at my family. "Why does everyone always automatically jump to that conclusion?"

"Why else would you jump off a cliff?" Jasper inquired carefully, confused by the wry amusement emanating off Jacob. He was wondering if his initial assessment of Bella's emotional state had been wrong, if she was more unstable than she was letting on.

Bella arched her eyebrows, the disapproving look on her face clearly stating that Jasper should know her better than that—that we all should know her better than that.

"We did it all the time as kids," Jacob put in, still smirking. "I wish she would have waited for me though, and not just because of Victoria. The current that day was wicked."

Bella shot him a grateful smile. "That it was. I hit my head pretty hard trying to get away from Victoria and lost consciousness, so Jake had to pull me out and even perform CPR. Needless to say, I never told Charlie about it. He would have thrown three kinds of fits and grounded me for the rest of my life. He sure did when he found out about the motorcycle… " Her voice trailing off, she looked at us in so droll a way that I had to stifle a laugh, although I was horrified by what I'd learned.

Cliff diving? Motorcycles? What in God's name had Bella gotten herself into?

"Anyway," she continued briskly, "I never saw Victoria again after that, not until she attacked me in my house in Pasadena nine years ago. I probably should have been less surprised than I was, but I hadn't seen in her in so long a time and neither had Jake. I thought she'd given up."

"Well, to be honest," Jacob said, his expression pained, shifting uncomfortably in his seat next to Bella. I quirked an eyebrow at the torrent of thoughts flowing through his mind and knew immediately that Bella was not going to like what he was about to confess.

Bella looked at him, suspicious, as usual quick on the uptake. She knew Jacob too well. "Jake?" she asked ominously. "What didn't you tell me?"

Jacob grimaced, then sighed, steeling himself for the wrath he was expecting. "Before you guys came to Forks," he jerked his chin at us, "and before Victoria got it into her mind to kill Bella off there hadn't been vampire encounters for decades. We chased Victoria all the way down to New York and when she didn't come back for several months, we were convinced she'd given up, just like you were. The vampire encounters actually increased however, became more frequent, which led Sam to believe that they were acting on orders, Victoria's presumably. We got most of them before they could report back, hoping Victoria would get the message, given that Forks was turning into a black hole for vamps. You had just left for Stanford," Jacob said, grimly looking at Bella, "and I didn't want to alarm you. Trust me, if I had reason to believe she was planning to come after you again, I'd have dragged you back to La Push and chained you to a chair until we'd dealt with her once and for all."

Bella ground her teeth, obviously trying to refrain from saying something she thought she'd regret later. "Seven years," she hissed eventually between clenched teeth, her eyes flashing with suppressed anger. "Seven years and you never once told me that I was in danger?"

"I didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell and because I didn't want to scare you," Jacob replied patiently. "We didn't have anything concrete at the time. I only mention it now because it means that Victoria has been creating new vamps for a very long time. We killed maybe twenty, twenty-five and that was eight or seven years ago."

Jacob's last sentence drove the anger away from Bella's face at once. She stared at him, horrified, as the implications of what he'd said sunk in. She wasn't alone in that. The faces of my family wore identical masks of horror.

Jasper was the only one who managed to look at it rationally, his military training kicking in. _She can't have created that many. Newborns are volatile and not easily controlled._

"The vampires she has sent after Bella so far weren't newborns, except for Freya and her group," I pointed out quietly. "She knows what the Volturi would do to her if she wasn't careful, if she threatened to expose us. If she kept them in little groups like Freya's or the one we encountered in Chicago, with an older vampire to watch and train them, it would be highly unlikely they'd attract enough attention to warrant a visit from Italy."

"That's madness," Jasper whispered. "She could have created hundreds of vampires all over the place during the last few years. The States, Canada, maybe even South America. We've killed, what, six so far?"

_That crazy bitch._

Turning, I found Embry standing in front of the windows, pressing his face against the glass, his ears flattened against his skull. "I'm not sure 'crazy' is the word I'd use," I told him.

Embry huffed, rolling his eyes. _Fine. How's delusional?_

I shrugged. "That works."

"Are you sure you don't want to phase and come in?" Bella asked somewhat exasperated, leading me to believe Embry's refusal to remain in human form although his pack brothers did had been discussed at length before they'd come here.

Sniffing, Embry sat back on his haunches, looking completely immobile. _Thanks, but no thanks_. Embry smacked his bushy tail once on the snow-covered veranda for emphasis.

"He says no," I supplied.

Bella arched her eyebrows at me in a way that made me feel like I was fourteen again, standing in the headmaster's office to be scolded for a prank George and I had pulled, the details of which were now lost to me. "Yeah, thanks for the translation," she said, "but I got as much."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about numbers," Eleazar said quietly. "Let's not forget that there are thirteen of us, sixteen if we include Jacob and his pack, and that the… units Victoria sent after Bella were no larger than four or five. It would be a monumental task to coordinate as many as a hundred vampires, provided that she's really created that many. As long as one of these units doesn't catch up with Bella when she's alone, she should be fine."

"Yes, about that," Jacob said, causing Bella to bestow the same look upon him she'd graced me with a moment ago. "Miss Weather Forecast here tells me the weather will be rather vampire friendly for the rest of the week, which means you'll be going to work, right?" At Bella's curt nod he continued, "We're coming with you."

Bella blinked. "Excuse me? And who's 'we'?"

"This morning I called your assistant while you and Shorty were yelling at each other, told her I was a friend of yours and that I was looking for a job," Jacob explained. "I know my way around a morgue, dead people and spilled intestines don't creep me out and I know _you_." He flashed a grin at Bella, who continued to gape at him, stunned. "Imagine my surprise," Jacob went on, rather enjoying himself, "when I learned who I'd have to talk to about a job." His grin grew broader. "The Head of the Department of Pathology—which incidentally are you."

"Forget it," Bella said flatly, finally recovering from her surprise. "I'm not hiring you. I couldn't even if I wanted to—which I don't—because there are no vacancies at the moment."

"Really? Danielle said you usually had two assistants, one for the dirty work and one for the administrative stuff, and that Number Two went on parental leave recently. You never replaced him."

Bella muttered something under her breath that I didn't quite catch, but it sounded suspiciously like 'tattletale'. "Who's 'we'?" she demanded then, fixing Jacob with an icy stare. "You said 'we'."

Jacob shrugged, paying no attention to Bella's temper. I didn't know Bella even _had_ a temper, but considering how much stress she'd been under lately, it had been only a matter of time until she snapped. And to be honest I'd rather she were angry, furious even, instead of hopeless and desperate. The way she'd clung to me yesterday, sobbing into my shoulder, had scared me.

_Now if only she'd manage to direct her anger at Victoria_, I thought wistfully. _But you can't have everything, I suppose._

"The 'we' part was Carlisle's idea," Jacob said. "Apparently hospital security is chronically understaffed; Carlisle overheard your boss complaining about it on the phone. He was only too happy when Carlisle suggested Emmett, his 'brother-in-law' for the job. Jasper came up with a very impressive vita, complete with references at all. As a cop I should probably be appalled and arrest him for forgery, fraud and whatnot, but hey, sometimes the end does justify the means."

"You've got this all planned out, haven't you?" Bella replied dryly, rolling her eyes at Emmett when he grinned at her. "Do you really think Victoria will send someone to attack me at the hospital? It wouldn't be very inconspicuous."

"Probably not." Jacob shrugged again. "But it's always better to err on the side of caution, isn't it? We'll try not to get in your way."

Bella shot a doubtful look at Emmett. "Just out of curiosity," she said. "Do I have to worry about you killing off patients?"

"Nah." Emmett grinned lazily. "I'm not into corpses."

"He'll work the sub-levels," Carlisle explained quickly before Bella could respond. "Morgue and garage mostly."

_We'll keep her safe_, Emmett told me, his thoughts far more serious than his expression. I saw the steel-cold determination in his mind to protect Bella at all costs. He hadn't hesitated for a second when Carlisle and Jacob had asked him to help them out. He loved her like a sister.

I gave a minute nod, knowing I would have to trust them. I didn't dare suggesting I accompany her to work as well. If I asked, she'd probably say no. Just showing up at the hospital tomorrow morning wasn't an option either because then she'd be upset, and rightly so, that I'd gone over her head again. Hard as it was, I had to be content with Emmett and Jacob being there for her.

That had to be enough.

"Fine," Bella muttered eventually, in grudging acceptance. "Anything else?"

"Nope." Jacob grinned.

"That's settled then," Carlisle said, visibly relieved. He'd expected it would take longer to persuade Bella to accept what he knew was necessary. Carlisle hadn't seen her fight yet. He only knew about her lack of fighting skills through Esme's account of Bella's first training session, but that had been enough to convince him that a security detail was a necessity. He would have insisted on it even if she was an excellent fighter. A single vampire didn't stand a chance against five or six, no matter how well-trained she was.

"Have you thought about Edward's suggestion?" Eleazar asked quietly. _I don't suppose you've had time to talk to her about it again?_ he wanted to know when Bella returned his inquisitive gaze with an unhappy frown. I grimaced. Eleazar nodded once._ Thought so_.

Oblivious to our silent exchange, Bella drew a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and pressing her lips tightly together in what nobody mistook for a smile. "I'll do it," she said grimly. "I'm sorry I didn't immediately agree to it yesterday. You were right." Her gaze shifted from Eleazar to Jasper, before it eventually settled on me. For the briefest of moments her expression softened, her smile tuning more natural. The change was almost imperceptible. Was she aware of how she was looking at me? Maybe not. But I found myself smiling back at her nonetheless, a warm flutter in my heart that I recognised as hope.

"You were right," she repeated, her voice very serious. "I'm willing to give it a try. I'm not sure it's going to work because I haven't got a clue how this shield works and when I tried to project it across Jake last night, I failed miserably." She grimaced.

I glanced at Eleazar, who suppressed a sigh. _Not a 'glass half full' kind of girl, is she? Oh, well, we'll have to make do with what we have._

"Don't worry about it," Kate put in, smiling reassuringly. "We'll figure out what triggers it and then it's only a matter of learning to use that trigger. The rest will be a piece of cake."

Bella met Kate's optimism with a dubious frown. "You make it sound so easy."

"It is… to an extent." Kate wisely didn't add that it had taken her almost a century to master her gift, though in her case the focus had been on learning to control rather than to activate it so that she would no longer electrocute everyone she happened to touch when she was upset. For vampires that hadn't been much of a problem, although I knew from experience that being struck down like that wasn't very pleasant. Humans on the receiving end of Kate's gift hadn't been so lucky though. The human mind was rather ill-equipped to handle that sort of trauma.

"Tell you what," Kate said now. "Let's go outside and give it a try while the others talk strategy. Just you and me. No audience." _And by audience I mean you, Edward_, she added unnecessarily. _And wolf boy. And Emmett. So if they try to follow us, be a dear and talk them out of it._

"I'll give my very best," I muttered, although trying to keep Emmett from doing something he really wanted was like trying to stop an avalanche. Impossible.

"Yeah, sure," Bella replied, still sounding dubious. "Why not?"

_Maybe Kate will be able to give her some confidence,_ Eleazar mused as the two of them went outside, soon disappearing into the trees. Kate's mind slipped away from me as she left my reach.

"I hope you're right," I replied, managing a tight smile. "I really do."

xxx

How did you like it? Any ideas how they'll find out where Victoria is? Bella needs something to go on after all. Do you think they'll find Liv in time? And what about Freya? Will she turn up again?


	26. Turning Point, Part 1

**A/N: Wow! 207 reviews. Over 49,000 hits. On 172 Favourites lists. 157 Alerts. When I posted the first chapter sometime last year I never expected that kind of response. I'm very touched—and proud—that you love my story so much and that many of you have been with me for a very long time now. THANK YOU! Thanks to everyone who took the time to review because it's the reviews that keep me going; and to everyone who alerted to me and who added Lifelines to their Favourites list because I appreciate that just as much as a review. Thanks to Owley and MaryMary123 who went through the trouble of reviewing almost every chapter, and to semper, who has been with me now for some time.**

**A very special thank you to my beta KayMarieXW, who's always supportive and whose many suggestions have made Lifelines so much better. You should definitely read her fics Resonating Light and Sweet Madness.**

**Since I started writing Lifelines—and before that Cross Your Heart—I got the chance to meet many wonderful people, for which I'm glad and very grateful.**

**This chapter may not be what some of you expected, but I hope you'll like it nonetheless. Please don't be too hard on me, but I would still love to hear what you think, even if you didn't like it! So please review!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

26. TURNING POINT, PART 1

BELLA

_When the stars threw down their spears_

_And watered Heaven with their tears_

_Did he smile his work to see?_

_Did he who made the lamb make thee?_

_The Tyger, William Blake (Songs of Innocence and Experience)_

My first attempt at learning how to use my shield was a complete and utter failure.

Kate led me away from the house and into the trees, far enough that we were out of earshot and—or so I hoped—out of the range of Edward's gift. I didn't want witnesses. For that matter, I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about Kate's presence. I stared at her with mixed feelings as she ghosted through the trees ahead of me, her white hair gleaming like silver in the moonlight. I didn't have a clue how to go about training my gift, so I was grateful that she'd offered to help. However, we had very different reasons for wanting me to learn how to use my shield. Kate—and the rest of the Cullens—wanted me to use it to find Victoria. I wanted to use it to find and save Liv. That wasn't the same thing, as I was painfully aware, but I wasn't ready to give Liv up. Not yet. I'd only agreed to Edward's plan because I knew that they were right, that it was the best course of action until we'd figured out a better way to track Victoria down.

But deep, deep down I knew they hoped that I'd eventually see reason and realise that Liv was beyond help. They weren't cold-hearted—I knew that. But Liv didn't mean to them what she meant to me. For them, finding Victoria was of higher priority. Intellectually I understood that and if Liv wasn't my friend, I may have seen things that way as well. But Liv _was_ my friend and that changed everything.

Kate stopped in a small clearing and tucked her wind-blown hair behind her ears. I persuaded my lips to return her bright smile. Kate was clearly having fun, but I found it hard to share her enthusiasm. Liv's life was at stake, for crying out loud! I didn't say anything though, and if Kate noticed my lack of excitement, she didn't let on. Despite my apprehension, I was glad that it was Kate who'd offered to help me and not Edward, Alice or Jasper. It wasn't that I thought they wouldn't make great teachers, but I didn't want to see Alice's visions or share Jasper's empathy. And, above all, I never wanted to be thrown into the black void that was Edward's mind again ever again.

Of course I didn't know for sure their gifts would reflect back on me the way Edward's had. I hoped not, but it was best to assume that they would. Kate's gift was different though. It wouldn't be a distraction. I just had to avoid touching her.

Assuming I'd manage to spread my shield over her for even the fraction of a second, which I highly doubted.

I wasn't certain why Edward had left out this 'interesting' little twist of my gift when he'd told them about it, but I knew why _I_ hadn't brought it up. I didn't want his family to know that I'd caught a glimpse of what was going on inside his head, afraid they'd ask me to tell them—not out of morbid curiosity, but out of concern. I'd noticed how worried they all still were and if I had noticed that, then so had Edward. _Perhaps_, I thought, shuddering as I involuntarily remembered the darkness in his mind, _his reason for not telling them is the same as mine._

"Earth to Bella?" Kate asked, waving her hand in front of my face to get my attention. "Are you listening?"

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I was wool-gathering."

"Obviously." Kate laughed. "I said let's get started."

_At least one of us is having fun_, I thought with a quiet sigh that Kate fortunately pretended not to notice. I wanted this to get over with, so I shoved Edward and Liv to the back of my mind and focused on what Kate was saying.

Kate was very patient, which was a good thing because I definitely wasn't. I realised that my impatience was complicating matters unnecessarily, but I couldn't help it. The elusive layer that was my shield kept slipping away from me, much like Victoria always being in our peripheral vision, but never in our sights. I knew it was there because I felt it, but that wasn't enough. I needed to _see_ it in order to grasp it and I needed to grasp it in order to use it. I said as much to Kate, who immediately suggested I should envision it as whatever I thought would work best for me. I tried and tried and tried and tried, but when the first hint of daylight filtered through the trees, reflecting off what little snow had fallen on the forest floor, I still hadn't managed to grasp it, let alone project it over Kate.

"These things take time," Kate said calmly, placing her arm around my shoulder to comfort me.

I merely nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak, afraid I'd vent my pent-up frustration on her and she didn't deserve that. "You'll figure it out," she continued, "never fear! Let's try again tomorrow night!"

The Cullens had left by the time we got back to the house and my car wasn't in the driveway, so I assumed Jake had taken it to drive home. I didn't mind. I needed to be alone for a while to clear my head. I said goodbye and set off, taking my time. I still had two hours before I had to leave for work, plenty of time to get home and shower and change.

I didn't want to try again tomorrow. I wanted to find Liv and not waste time trying to master something that quite obviously didn't want to be mastered. If only I knew how! If only Victoria hadn't found a way to escape Alice's visions!

If only none of this had ever happened!

_You can't change the past_, reason argued. _Don't dwell on it and focus on the present! What else can you do? Besides, right now you're operating under the assumption that Liv is still alive. What makes you think that? Would you have kept her alive if you were Victoria?_

_No_, I admitted unhappily. _No, I wouldn't. But I don't know that for sure!_

_Perhaps not, _reason continued. _But you _know_ Victoria. You know what she's capable of. She wants to make you suffer and what better way to do that than to kill your best friend, given that she's been unable to get her hands on you and Edward?_

"Wonderful," I said to nobody in particular, suddenly realising that I was having a conversation to myself. In humans, that kind of thing was usually the first sign of a mental breakdown. I didn't know about vampires, but it couldn't be healthy. "I'm losing my mind." Somewhere above me a bird chirped nervously. It probably agreed with me.

"Bella?"

Surprised, I looked up to find Rosalie perched in a tree a little distance away, her back pressed against its trunk and her knees pulled up against her chest.

"Hi," I said uncertainly as I stopped beside the tree. "I thought you all went home?" I was at least half a mile past the point where I would have had to turn left had I wanted to get to the Cullen's house. What was Rosalie doing here?

Rosalie shrugged. "They did."

_Lost_. That was the first word that popped into my mind when I took a closer look at her. _She looks lost._ Her clothes were rumpled, her hair carelessly braided and pinned away from her face. I'd never seen her like that and I felt sympathy stir. I didn't think she'd gone home at all in the past few days. Her family was so angry with her, especially Emmett. Rosalie's self-centredness may make her oblivious to other people's feelings, but she wasn't a bad person and she shouldn't be afraid to go home.

"Are you okay?" I asked slowly as looked up at her.

"I don't know," she whispered, which wasn't the answer I'd expected. The Rosalie I knew would never admit to being uncertain. "I screwed up," she asked without looking up, "didn't I?"

"That's one way to put it," I replied, surprised I didn't sound as accusing as I feared I would.

"I didn't mean for her to run away," Rosalie said unhappily, no trace of the sarcasm I'd come to expect from her in her voice. Instead she sounded almost distressed. "I just… I wanted our family to be together again. I wanted us to be 'us' again, the way we were before we left Forks and before Edward… before he fell in love with you. I know how it sounds," she added quickly, her eyes meeting mine for the fraction of a second before she lowered her gaze again. "It's not that I don't want Edward to be happy. I do. He's my brother and can be an idiot, but I love him and I wish him all the happiness in the world. But _I _want to be happy too. Does that sound terribly selfish?"

"No, it doesn't," I said softly. "Everyone wants to be happy and everyone _deserves_ to be happy. I just…" I paused, unsure of how to word what I wanted to say. "I just don't understand why you seem so certain that I'll get in the way of your happiness. I know you haven't liked me from the beginning, but I'd like to know why. Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate _you_," Rosalie whispered. "I hate—hat_ed_—what you being a part of Edward's life meant for us. What it meant me for me. Will you… will you let me explain?" she pleaded, despair flashing in her eyes when she finally looked at me.

"Yes, of course," I answered immediately. I wanted to know. I _needed_ to know because as Alice had said a few days ago, I was part of her family now and we had to learn to get along. As Rosalie didn't seem inclined to leave her perch, I climbed a tree a few feet away and settled against the trunk.

"Has Edward ever told you how I came to be a vampire?" Rosalie asked, her voice very low.

"No, he didn't," I replied equally low. Rosalie surprised me by angling her body towards me as much as possible without falling out of the tree.

"My life as a human," she began quietly, "was perfect. My parents were middle class, but they were relatively wealthy, mostly because my father was one of the few lucky people who wasn't affected by the Great Depression. I had two younger brothers, but I always knew that I was my mother's favourite because of my beauty. My parents were never content with what they had. They wanted more and they saw my beauty as a way to get what they wanted." Rosalie smiled thinly. "At the time I didn't see it that way, of course. There were so many things that _I_ wanted—a beautiful wedding where everyone would admire me, a big elegant house, servants—and I knew that there was no way that I wouldn't get exactly what I wished for and more. I wanted the material things in life, but I also wanted to have a family of my own. My friend, Vera, had a beautiful little boy with dimples and curly black hair and I was jealous of her. I was ready for it. I wanted a baby and a husband who'd kiss me when he got home from work. I wanted it all." She sighed. "Looking back, I realise how shallow I was. If I'd been a different person, if I'd wanted to marry for love instead of wealth and admiration, then maybe things would have turned out differently. But I wasn't and they didn't."

"What happened?" I asked gently when Rosalie didn't continue. I hadn't lied. Edward had never told me what had led to Rosalie becoming a vampire, but he'd hinted that it had been similar to what had almost happened to me in Port Angeles the night I figured out that he was a vampire.

"Royce King happened," Rosalie said, her lips twisting into a bitter smile. "He was the son of the man who owned the bank my father worked at. That's how we met. His courtship was short and he asked me to marry him after only two months. Naturally my parents were ecstatic and so was I."

"You were engaged?" I asked, wondering if that was why Rosalie was so bitter, because everything she'd ever wanted had been already in her reach.

"Yes," she replied, still that strange smile on her face, "yes, I was. And that makes what happened to me so much worse. It was a few days before the wedding, three or four," she continued. "I was on my way home from Vera's, worrying about the weather because I didn't want to move my weddings indoors, when a group of drunk men called out to me. I didn't recognise them at first, but when one of them stepped into the light of a streetlamp I saw that it was Royce and his friends. I'd never seen him drink before, but I didn't think much of it. I was so embarrassed by the way he was acting! I told him to go home and sleep it off and that I'd see him in the morning when he was sober. He grabbed me just as I turned to leave." Rosalie must have seen the horrified look on my face because she said, "I'll spare you the details."

After that she fell silent. All her self-confidence and arrogance seemed to have left her as she sat there on that branch, huddled up like a scared child. I wanted to put my arm around her, but as I didn't know how she'd react to that, I folded my hands in my lap to resist the temptation. Was this the real Rosalie? Was her usual arrogant and confident self just a facade? I didn't even want to imagine something like this happening to me. I'd seen so many rape victims, both in the ER and the morgue, that I knew how violent an attack on body and soul it was. And to be betrayed so cruelly by someone you knew and trusted… Edward had betrayed me too, but his betrayal paled in comparison to what Rosalie had had to endure.

"I've come to terms with it, sort of," Rosalie said after a moment. "I got my revenge. I killed them all. I knew even before I went after them that it wouldn't undo what they did, but I couldn't allow them to live either. But," Rosalie paused and when her eyes met mine they were pleading, "I wish Carlisle hadn't saved me."

_Why?_ I wanted to ask. The question was already on the tip of my tongue and then I remembered— very, very faintly—that I'd wanted to die too. I had begged Jake to kill me before I'd been swept away by the blazing fire of the change. I hadn't wanted to be a vampire and if I was completely and totally honest, there were still times where I found myself wishing that Jake had granted me my wish.

"What does all that have to do with me?" I asked instead.

"It's… complicated," Rosalie replied, her tone almost apologetic. "The reason I didn't like you in the beginning was, well…" Embarrassment flashed in her eyes, which surprised me. "Carlisle changed me because he hoped that Edward would fall in love with me. He didn't want him to be alone anymore. It didn't work out as he'd hoped. It wasn't that Edward didn't like me. He does, in a very brotherly sort of way. But he didn't _want_ me and my entire human life people had wanted me. I _needed_ to be wanted and that he didn't made me so furious. And then he fell in love with you, a plain human girl that was so clumsy she couldn't walk over a flat surface without tripping over her own feet. I didn't understand what he saw in you." Rosalie drew a deep breath to steady herself. "Because of that I didn't like you. I began to hate you when you so willingly would have thrown your human life away to become one of us. I would give everything to be human again, Bella. I would give everything to have a family, to grow old and die. I'd even give up Emmett if that's what it took to be human again. And there you were, your entire life ahead of you and you just wanted to throw it away."

Silence again. Rosalie held my gaze as I contemplated what she'd confessed. In a way I understood why she'd felt that way about me. She would live forever without ever getting the only thing she truly wanted. I could have had those things and that I'd just wanted to give them up must have been a slap in the face for her. I hadn't really understood what being a vampire meant then. I'd wanted to be a vampire because it had been the only way to be with Edward forever. But when Victoria had returned into my life I'd been reasonably happy, as happy as I could have been without Edward. I'd have preferred death over change, but things didn't always turn out the way you wanted them to and here I was. But if Rosalie couldn't get over the fact that I'd become a vampire, then I didn't see how we'd ever get along.

"I didn't want this, you know," I said hesitantly, gesturing at myself.

"Oh, I know," Rosalie replied, twisting her lips into a strained smile. "What I said in the car… I wanted to apologise. I was out of line. Seth, he told me what happened. Don't be mad at him," she added quickly. "I made him tell me. I wanted to know. I won't tell Edward if you don't want him to know. That, I can promise. That's not the reason I was acting–"

"–so hostile?" I asked, surprised that I wasn't angry at Seth for telling Rosalie. The entire pack knew what had happened. Jake couldn't have stopped them from seeing it in his mind even if he'd wanted to.

"I was going to say like an idiot, but that works too." Rosalie's tone was so wry that I laughed once and her smile grew a little more natural. "I was furious at you because you were the reason my family broke apart. Things were different after we left Forks. Edward was different. I know I could have been angry at him or even at Jasper. If he hadn't tried to kill you, we would never have left Forks. But I chose to blame you. I kept telling myself that it was all your fault, that we only had to suffer so much because of you. It was so very easy to convince myself that I was right. But I wasn't."

"I don't know what to say," I admitted quietly, my mind spinning. Part of me was surprised that Rosalie had opened up to me, but another part was apprehensive. Why now? Was it only in reaction to Freya running away and to the collective anger of her family that was directed at Rosalie? Had she apologised to me because she wanted me to talk to them, because she wanted me to speak on her behalf? That was certainly a possibility, but I didn't think that Rosalie was trying to manipulate me. The pain that I'd seen in her eyes when she'd told me her story had been too real.

"You don't have to say anything," she said quickly. "Thank you for listening." Then she leapt off the tree, slowly heading the way I'd come a few moments earlier. It was obvious that she didn't want to go home, but she didn't have anywhere else to go.

Except…

"Rose?" I called, deliberately using her nickname as I jumped down as well. "You can stay at my place if you don't mind that it smells like wet dog."

Rosalie turned around very slowly as if she wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. "I would love that," she said eventually, her voice tentative. "Thank you."

xxx

"Spit it out," I told Jake.

"What?" he asked innocently, although he knew exactly what I was talking about. Jake was as aware as everyone else that Rosalie seemed to have befriended Seth—and vice versa—but judging by his sour expression when I'd come home with Rosalie in tow, that wasn't a development he was very happy about.

"Oh, you know what," I replied, carefully manoeuvring the Porsche through morning traffic. A pedestrian with a death wish jumped in front of me, narrowly escaping becoming a figurehead on the Porsche's hood. He sent a string of profanities my way when I glared at him.

"No," Jake said as he stared after the pedestrian, probably regretting that he couldn't arrest him for jaywalking. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Suit yourself," I muttered. If Jake didn't want to discuss Rosalie and Seth, then I wouldn't force him to. It was none of my business anyway, but he'd better not continue to sulk—which was exactly what he was doing; not that he'd see it that way if I told him. My house, my rules. I could invite to stay whoever I wanted, even if the person in question happened to be Rosalie.

"Do you have your backstory straight?" I asked after a while. The security guard posted at the gate to the parking lot waved at me like he always did as I drove past him. Smiling, I waved back and headed to the garage. Danielle's decrepit VW Beetle was already there, although we'd left almost an hour before I normally would have. Then again, Danielle was the most curious person in the world, except for maybe Alice, so of course she'd be here to meet Jake.

And to find out if my taking off so many days in a row had anything to do with the murders.

Jake rolled his eyes. "What backstory? I moved here last week. I needed a job and remembered that my old friend Dr Bella Swan heads the Department of Pathology at the Alaskan Regional. End of story."

Knowing Danielle, I highly doubted she'd leave it at that. She was already convinced that some sort of psycho killer had it in for me, so Jake's unexpected arrival was bound to make her even more suspicious. She was right of course but although I was touched that she worried about me so much, I couldn't tell her the truth, never mind how much I hated lying to her. At least I wouldn't have to explain Emmett's presence as well because the fact that hospital security was chronically understaffed was well-known. Although I was still a little peeved that the others were convinced that I needed a personal security detail, I also knew that they were right. I'd be dead within a matter of minutes—as Esme had so charmingly and unfortunately correctly put it—if I ever found myself face to face with a vampire who knew how to fight.

"I warned you," was all I said to Jake as we stepped out of the car and went inside where Emmett was waiting for us, leaning casually against the wall beside the doors. I was a bit surprised that Danielle was in her office at the other end of the hallway and not busy batting her eyelashes at Emmett because he was the kind of man she would normally throw herself at.

"I came prepared," Emmett said when I asked him, grinning broadly as he flashed his golden wedding band at me. "We talked a bit and I told her that if my wife ever found out she flirted with me, she'd bite her head off. Which," he added, the smile vanishing, "she would."

Jake was busy looking anywhere but at Emmett and me, so it was up to me to come to Rosalie's aid. After this morning's conversation I found it hard to stay mad at her even though I hadn't been that angry with her to begin with. She hadn't exactly apologised, but she'd tried to explain the reasons for the way she acted and her remorse had been sincere. That was enough for me.

I sighed. I didn't want to meddle in Rosalie and Emmett's relationship, which was none of my business after all. I usually didn't give relationship advice because, in my experience, it always found a way to bite you in the backside later, no matter how good your intentions had been. But I also didn't want to hear Emmett talk about Rosalie that way, not when she was trying so hard to make amends.

I was saved by Danielle, who walked out of her office just then with a stack of envelopes under her left arm and a key in her right hand, heading towards my office. Seeing me, she smiled and waved. The envelopes slid out of her grip and skidded over the floor.

"Damn it," she muttered under her breath as she began picking it up. Jake and Emmett rushed to her side to help her. Danielle had that effect on men, married or not. She was very pretty today, wearing a smart grey pantsuit with a crimson blouse underneath. Her hair fell over her shoulder in a deliberately loose braid. I looked down myself, feeling self-conscious. I'd picked a pair of black slacks and a white shirt, my usual working attire. I hadn't been in the mood for any of the colourful clothes Alice had bought.

"Thanks," Danielle said, smiling.

Emmett returned her smile, winked at me and disappeared around the corner to begin his round. As he didn't officially know Jake and me, he had no reason to stay.

"You must be Jacob Black," Danielle continued as she firmly grasped Jake's outstretched hand. "I'm Danielle Grey." She giggled and I tried very hard not to roll my eyes. "We spoke on the phone. It's so nice to meet you!"

"Call me Jake," Jake said, at which Danielle beamed at him.

_Maybe I should have warned him about her_, I mused as I let myself into my office two minutes later, Danielle having offered to show Jake around. I'd wanted to do that myself, but it would Danielle keep distracted and away from me for the time being. Hopefully she wouldn't get a chance to corner me and ask unpleasant questions until it was time to go home. I didn't count on it though.

While Danielle introduced Jake to our filing system—a doubtful pleasure—I got started on the mail she'd thrust into my arms before she and Jake had disappeared into her office. It was one of the few aspects of work that I truly loved, probably because it had very little to do with my job per se. It was mostly just advertisement catalogues and while I didn't have the budget to buy any of the equipment, I enjoyed looking at the catalogues. Today I also found a letter from my bank, although I usually didn't get personal mail sent to work.

_They probably mixed something up_, I thought as I sliced the envelope open, pulled out the letter and unfolded it. I scanned the contents, expecting it to be advertisement as well, then blinked and read the few lines again, very carefully this time. The letter was to inform me that that my bank accounts had been successfully merged, but that couldn't be right. I'd never had more than one bank account, not to mention that the end sum on the enclosed bank statement was preposterously high.

Grumbling, I reached for the phone. Why was it that trouble always attracted more trouble? I hoped I'd be able to clear this up in one phone call. As I waited to be put through to the bank director, I read the letter again. Ten million dollars. I'd have to work two hundred and seventy-seven years, give or take a few months, on my current salary to earn that much money.

"Hello, Dr Swan," a male voice boomed on the other end of the line, breaking into my reverie. "I'm Stanley Finch. How can I help you?"

"Hi," I replied, "I got a letter from you that says that my bank accounts were merged, only I don't recall having more than one bank account. Is it possible you have another customer by the name of Isabella Swan and that there was some mix-up?"

"Let me see." I heard him typing swiftly. "No," he said after a moment. "Everything is in perfect order. The second account was opened last Wednesday and the money transferred on Thursday. The accounts were merged yesterday. I can assure you that everything was done according to your cousin's wishes."

I blinked. My cousin?

"I understand," he continued, sounding amused now, "that Ms Brandon wanted it to be a surprise."

I blinked again. Then realisation finally set in and I had to resist the urge to crush the receiver.

_She didn't!_

"Alice Brandon?" I asked slowly, trying very hard not to growl at the poor man.

"Mary Brandon," he replied, still unconcealed amusement in his voice. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No," I managed, "no, thank you. I'll give my cousin a call now. She and I have very different definitions of the word 'surprise'. Thank you for your time." With that I hung up. I fished my cell phone out of my bag, already dialling Alice's number. I remembered that she was at school at the moment only when my call went directly to voice mail.

"Hello _Mary_," I said sweetly and not even Alice would be able to mistake that tone for gratitude. "I got your present. Thank you _so_ much! Why don't you come by after school so that I can thank you properly?" I hung up and tossed the phone back into the bag.

"I'm going to kill her," I muttered darkly. Alice knew exactly how I felt about presents. I could live with the fact that she'd practically exchanged my entire wardrobe while Edward and I had been in Chicago—barely, but I had decided that I'd have to pick my battles if I wanted to win once in a while. But this… Alice couldn't just give me ten million dollars, for crying out loud!

"Who's 'her'?" a voice asked from the door, startling me.

I glanced up to find Emmett hovering on the threshold and looking at me expectantly. "Your sister," I growled, pointing at the bank statement.

Sauntering over, Emmett picked it up and whistled quietly. "Sweet," he said. "I was wondering what that trust fund was for…" Seeing the look on my face, Emmett trailed off and swallowed visibly. "You know, I have somewhere else I need to be. See you tonight." He spun around and flinched when I suddenly appeared in his way, gently closed the door and locked it, slipping the key into my pocket.

"What trust fund?" I asked icily. I was aware that I'd never be able to stop Emmett from leaving if he really wanted to, but in order to do that he'd have to get the key first. Of course he could always break in the door, but I doubted he'd do that with Danielle only three doors down. "What trust fund?" I repeated.

Emmett looked at the locked door and then at me, grimacing when he saw that I was serious. "Fine," he grumbled. "I only know this because I saw the records a few years ago and not because Alice actually told me anything. She created that trust fund a few weeks after your eighteenth birthday, setting it up so that another million was added to it each year. She doesn't know that I know—or at least she didn't—and I never asked about it. I figured she'd seen something about you in her visions."

I grimaced, torn between feeling touched and annoyed. I couldn't accept that amount of money, not even from Alice, and although I knew she'd never ask anything in return, I'd be forever in her debt. "Well, I can't take it," I said eventually. "I'll just have it transferred into one of Alice's accounts first chance I get."

Emmett suddenly looked thoughtful, an expression that made me instantly suspicious because he didn't wear it very often.

"What?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest. He didn't intent to side with Alice, did he?

"Don't think of it as a gift," Emmett told me. "You're part of the family now and what's ours is yours. But if you still want to go after Alice," Emmett looked me up and down as if he doubted I'd succeed and he was probably right, "I won't stand in your way. Just do me one favour, will you?"

"And what would that be?" I asked suspiciously.

Emmett grinned broadly. "Let me watch!"

xxx

**Well? What do you think? **


	27. Turning Point, Part 2

**A/N: **I really didn't think I'd get this chapter done so quickly, but here it is. Thanks to all who wrote a review. I loved every single one of them! A massive thanks to KayMarieXW for beta-ing!

I'm already working on the next chapter, but I'm still having Internet problems at my new flat. A technician is supposed to come and sort things out tomorrow, but I'm not very optimistic as the last one I was promised didn't show.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

27. TURNING POINT, PART 2

BELLA

Alice didn't drop by of course. I hadn't really expected her to and I didn't expect her to come around anytime soon. Despite what Emmett had said about me being part of the family, I wanted to give the money back. I was quite capable of earning my own living. I was touched that she'd created that trust fund because it meant that she'd never given up on me, but that didn't mean I was going to accept the gift.

_Ten million dollars_, I thought as I flopped down on my bed, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling, my arms folded underneath my head. _I wouldn't even know what to do with that much money._ It was dark outside without even the barest hint of light, heavy grey clouds obscuring the moon and the stars. Jake was certain there'd be a storm soon and I could smell it too, that tell-tale sharp odour of ozone in the air. Jake had pulled Embry and Seth off patrol as he didn't want them running in the forest in bad weather. The three of them were downstairs, Seth working on his computer—probably with Rosalie beside him—and Jake and Embry cleaning up the kitchen after what I'd decided to name the Cooking Incident. _You would think they knew how to use a microwave_, I thought, half smirking and half grimacing in exasperation. Mrs Morris had brought over enough food to feed a small army twice over, having somehow deduced that my guests weren't getting properly fed. It seemed she didn't want to deprive Seth and Embry—and Jake, for that matter—of her cooking skills just because she hadn't yet found time to clean out the guest room she'd offered the two of them. Their offer to help had been brusquely declined. It was obvious that Mrs Morris enjoyed having someone to care for, but I hoped she'd take it easy.

Jake and Embry had ignored one of the cardinal rules of operating a microwave, namely that microwaves and metal did not get along. Period. The jar of tomato sauce they'd wanted to nuke (with its metal lid still in place) had literally exploded, resulting in the kitchen looking like a slaughterhouse. I would have found it hilarious under different circumstances, but as it was, I didn't. Alice would certainly want to at least repaint the kitchen—Embry and Jake would never get the tomato sauce off the wall, no matter how much bleach they poured over the stains—and I wouldn't be able to handle that at the moment. Not without trying to kill her at some point.

I sighed, pushing a strand of wet hair out of my face. I was being unfair. Alice only wanted to help. She'd done a wonderful job with the living room, had bought furniture I'd be able to take a long when I moved and I hadn't even thanked her properly because I'd been so furious about how she'd acted that night. Looking back, I understood why she had—Emmett and I had briefly talked about it this afternoon—and I knew I should cut her some slack. She was scared.

_She shouldn't have given me all that money though_, I thought. But then, ten million dollars was only a lot of money for me. The Cullens had much, much more than that because of Alice's clever investments. And, as Emmett had pointed out to me, I was part of the family now. I should have accepted her present with good grace. Instead, I'd probably insulted her by how I'd reacted. She'd only meant well, after all. _I'll apologise tomorrow_, I thought, pinching the bridge of my nose. The second I'd made that decision my cell phone chimed.

Sitting up, I grabbed it from the nightstand and wasn't surprised to find that Alice had texted me. _I guess I could have told you about the money_, the message read. _I'm sorry that I didn't and I'm sorry about the other night. There's no need for you to apologise. But please_, it continued, _may I repaint your kitchen? Pretty, pretty please?_ She'd signed with a smilie instead of her name.

"How does she know about my kitchen?" I muttered. She couldn't have seen any of it, as she wouldn't have seen any decision of Jake's or Embry's to ask her for help and I'd decided no such thing. There was plenty of yellow paint left. They could use that.

The cell chimed again. _Jake texted me_, Alice had written. _He sent a picture along. It looks pretty bad, but I'll come by tomorrow after school to fix it._

"Oh joy," I muttered under my breath as I texted back to thank her and tell her to do whatever she wanted—which I was pretty sure I was going to regret—then turned the cell off in case Kate tried to call. I'd do overtime tomorrow then. That way I wouldn't be tempted to throttle Alice.

Thunder rumbled outside so unexpectedly that I jumped. Getting up, I pushed the curtains aside and looked out the window. It was snowing so hard that I could barely make out the trees in the yard, but I saw enough to know that they were swaying violently in the wind that had begun howling around the house. Pressing my nose against the glass, I tried to determine if any of the trees was in danger of being uprooted—they'd fall directly onto the roof of the house if the wind didn't change—when I saw a shadow flit over the ground. I couldn't make out more than an indistinct shape through all the snow. Fear trickled down my spine. Wouldn't a night like this perfect for Victoria? Even if I was down there in the middle of the snow, I probably wouldn't see or hear anything, what with all the noise the wind was making, and the snow. Slowly I backed away, my mouth already open to call out for Jake, when the shadow appeared in front of the window. I clamped my lips together to keep myself from crying out and hurriedly opened the window to let Edward in.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, irritated, as Edward ran his hands through his hair, sending snow that had already started to melt flying everywhere. I quickly pushed the window shut to keep the snow out. I really didn't need to give Alice an excuse to renovate my bedroom too.

"Alice said you cancelled your practice session with Kate," he replied, lifting his eyebrows at me as he took in my appearance. I'd had to shower after the Cooking Incident—I'd been standing a little too close to the microwave when it went up—and I was suddenly very aware that I was wearing very little underneath my white bathrobe. Nothing actually, aside from a pair of panties with Hello Kitty print that I didn't want anyone to see me in.

"I wasn't in the mood," I replied curtly, pulling the robe closer around me and redoing the knot in the belt. "To be honest, I doubt I can learn to use this shield fast enough to make a difference."

I half expected Edward to tell me that this wasn't about Kate, that I had to master my shield so that we could find and kill Victoria, which was so much more important. But he didn't. "I know," he said instead, his voice kind and understanding. "I should have talked to you about my plan before I suggested it. I'm sorry."

"Thank you," I said awkwardly. I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled my legs up against my chest, making sure the bathrobe covered everything that needed to be covered. That he seemed to have taken to heart what I'd said the other night made me feel strangely elated. "I'd invite you to sit down," I said after a while, when the silence between us began to stretch, "but you'd ruin my favourite bedspread." I smiled hesitantly and for some reason was relieved when Edward smiled as well, a rueful smile because he'd realised that he was standing in a puddle of melted snow that would probably leave a stain.

"Your floor too, it seems," he said, his expression both amused and contrite. "I'll mop it up and then maybe Seth could agree to lend me a pair of jeans and a shirt. His clothes should be a fit."

"He's downstairs," I said, although Edward already knew that. "You'll have to fight Jake and Embry for the mop though. They turned the kitchen into a battlefield."

"I know," Edward replied, a wide smile breaking out on his face.

While Edward was downstairs talking to Seth, I dashed into the bathroom to get dressed. Having Edward in my bedroom was uncomfortable enough as it was. I didn't have to be practically naked on top of it. I briefly considered joining the others downstairs. I wasn't sure that being alone with him was such a good idea after I'd kissed him in Chicago, but then, with the others just a few feet below us, we were hardly really alone.

And part of me wanted to have him for myself for a few hours, even if that was selfish because I still hadn't figured out how to forgive him.

Edward was already there when I returned to my bedroom, mopping up the puddle. He turned when I entered, smiling. Seth's clothes were a size too big, but they were better than nothing. "You got dressed," he noted, his voice a strange mixture of relief and regret.

"I didn't want you to see my Hello Kitty underwear," I said, deadpan. Edward hastily averted his face, concentrating on the floor again. If he'd still been able to blush, he probably would have. I didn't even try to keep the smile off my face.

"How was your day?" he asked a while later when he'd sat down beside me so close that our bodies almost touched.

"Normal," I replied and added with a shrug, "That's a good thing though, because I need normal right now. Jake was extremely helpful and Emmett didn't get into trouble as I'd expected him to. They kept Danielle busy." In fact, I hadn't seen Danielle again until it was time to leave and as she'd been in a hurry—a date, she'd told me excitedly—there hadn't really been time to talk, for which I was profoundly grateful.

"Don't be too hard on her," Edward said. "She's very devoted to you. I met her," he explained, seeing the confusion on my face, "when Alice and I were shopping for a new tux. Well," he grimaced slightly, "at least I thought we were. Danielle's thoughts towards you were very kind. You can consider yourself lucky to have so loyal an employee."

"I do," I replied, frowning, "and that's exactly why I hate lying to her. I guess that's stupid because I have to lie virtually all the time, but it doesn't feel right telling her she's wrong or overreacting when she's not. That's one of the things I hate about being a vampire. That I have to lie to everyone I meet."

Edward smiled sympathetically. "I know. It helps if you don't allow people to get close to you."

"And that," I replied and sighed, "would be another thing I hate. If I'd known what I know now nine years ago, I wouldn't have pestered you all the time to turn me."

"Do you regret it then? That you were turned?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "At least I did before your family came back into my life. I like being alone, but I hate being lonely and I was very lonely. I couldn't call Jake as often as I wanted to because Sam wouldn't allow it. I couldn't go see Charlie for the same reason, although I suppose it's better that way. I didn't have any friends because I would never have forgiven myself if I'd hurt someone who trusted me. And there are a few other drawbacks of course," I added, in a deliberately light voice. "I have to use unperfumed soap because most artificial scents are just unbearable and I was very fond of my strawberry shampoo."

Edward laughed and raised his arm as if to ruffle my hair, then seemed to think better of it and let it drop back to his side. _No_, whispered a voice in my head as I leaned over to place my head on his shoulder, inhaling the mixture of vampire and werewolf scent, but I ignored it. _Just for tonight_, I thought. _Let's pretend nothing has changed for just a few hours_. Edward pulled me closer the way he always had when I was still human, when he'd come to lay beside me every night while I slept.

And so I lay there in Edward's arms, pretending to sleep while he watched over me like he had so many years ago. And although the voice in my mind kept insisting that I was making a mistake and that I was being selfish, it felt right.

xxx

Jake didn't say anything about Edward on the way to work, but then, he didn't speak to me at all. He'd gone to bed only a couple of hours ago and judging by his bloodshot eyes, he could have used a few hours of sleep more. Embry and Seth and still been fast asleep when we'd left, snoring contently. Edward had left before Jake had gotten up and that moment had been very awkward because neither of us had known what to say.

I sighed inwardly. I should have resisted the temptation to let him hold me, but while I felt slightly guilty, I couldn't bring myself to really regret it. Would I ever make up my mind about what to do?

It was a busy day at work today and I managed to forget about Edward for a while. A lot of people had ventured to go outside during the storm last night despite the severe weather warning that had been issued and too many hadn't survived. _Human stupidity is without limits, it seems_, I thought as I finished the autopsy on a young man who'd been crushed to death by an uprooted tree while he'd been walking his dog. I didn't feel particularly sorry for him. I only pitied the people he'd left behind.

The phone on the counter started ringing. I gestured for Jake to pick it up while I slipped out of the bloody scrub and pulled off the rubber gloves. I heard Danielle's voice on the other end of the line. She hadn't seemed very sad about having to give up assisting me during an autopsy. She was by no means squeamish, but the administrative aspect of working in the work suited her far better.

"Danielle says there's someone on the phone for you," Jake said expressionless, handing me the receiver once I'd washed my hands. He was watching me closely as I asked Danielle to put the caller through and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. What was going on?

"Hello?" a vaguely familiar female voice said.

"Hi," I replied apprehensively. "This is Dr Bella Swan. Who am I speaking to?"

"Caroline Alden," the caller identified herself and demanded, "Where is Eden?"

"What?" I managed, my voice suddenly very thin. _I thought Edward made sure she wouldn't be missed anytime soon_, I thought anxiously.

"You heard me just fine," Caroline snapped. "Where is Eden? What did you say to her?"

"I just asked her about the day Liv disappeared," I replied weakly. "Why? What happened?" I didn't sound very convincing, not even to myself. I knew exactly what had happened to Eden, but Caroline Alden mustn't know that.

"I got the strangest letter this morning," Caroline continued icily. "Eden wrote that she'd decided to leave town to move in with her parents again. Only her parents didn't know anything about that when I called them earlier to talk to her. You and your friend were the last people to see her. So where is she?"

"How would I know?" I replied, somehow managing to keep my voice even. "She had a migraine when we left and when I wanted to check up on her later, she didn't open." That wasn't a lie and I was pretty sure nobody had seen me entering the house. "I guess she didn't want to talk to me again. Eden and I never got along very well. Is there any news about Liv?" I asked, hoping Caroline Alden would take the bait.

She did, but only briefly. "No," she said curtly. "You know, I find it very strange that you show up after two years and that my daughter's girlfriend disappears without a trace after talking to you."

"I'm sure Eden will turn up sooner or later," I replied. "Look, I'm very sorry about Eden leaving town, but I can assure you that we had nothing to do with that. I have to go now. I have a lot of work to do. Bye." I hung up without giving her the chance to reply.

Jake wrapped his arms around me before I'd even replaced the receiver. "Oh God," I moaned miserably into his shoulder. "Can it get any worse?"

"Don't say that," Jake said with a quiet chuckle, "because then it usually does. Murphy's Law and all. How many times do I have to tell you that nothing that's happened is your fault? You didn't kill Eden, did you, and you had to let her body disappear. If she had been found, you'd have been on top of the police's suspect list and you can't afford that. Please don't blame yourself for that."

I said nothing because I knew Jake was wrong. Instead, I stepped out of his embrace. It was almost noon, so I decided to take a break and Jake didn't try to talk me out of it when I told him that I'd go take a walk.

The air outside was still very cold after the storm, so I wrapped myself in my duffel coat. The last thing I wanted was to attract even more attention. The square in front of the hospital still wasn't completely cleared of all the snow that had fallen last night. I trudged around the building into the park where I wouldn't have to move as clumsily as all the humans who were wading slowly through the two foot deep white ocean.

Caroline Alden's call had caught me completely by surprise. I knew Edward had written her a letter in Eden's handwriting. I had no idea what he'd written, but whatever it was apparently hadn't been enough to convince Caroline Alden that Eden had simply left Chicago. I drew a deep breath. I couldn't let myself worry about that too. _What's the worst that can happen?_ I asked myself. Liv's mother could call the police, but they wouldn't find anything. Edward had made sure of that. Even if they dragged the whole of Lake Michigan, they were very unlikely to discover Eden's body. It was too deeply buried for that.

"My life sucks," I said to nobody in particular, kicking at the snow for emphasis. I didn't turn around when I heard quiet footsteps behind me, the gentle breeze that had replaced the howling gale carrying the newcomer's scent directly at me. "Hi Carlisle," I said. "How's your day been so far?"

"Better than yours apparently," he replied, stepping into my line of vision. He was smiling and I found myself smiling back at him despite myself. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," I said. "No," I admitted when Carlisle lifted his eyebrows at me. "Liv's mother called," I explained, "to ask me about Eden. I told her that I didn't know anything about her disappearance, but I'm not sure she bought it. I'm still not very good at lying."

_Especially not when I have a guilty conscience_, I added silently.

Carlisle's smile turned sympathetic. "I can imagine how you feel," he said gently, "but what happened to Eden isn't your fault."

"People keep telling me that," I replied, unable to hide my frustration. I turned around, looking at the distant lights of the hospital. It was the middle of the day, but the sky was a dark grey and despite my keen vision I could barely make out the sun behind the clouds.

"They are right," Carlisle said.

I shrugged. "Maybe," I allowed, but it didn't really make a difference. No matter how many times they told me that I wasn't to blame for Victoria had done—at the end of the day I still felt responsible. Because I was.

Carlisle seemed to realise that arguing with me was pointless. "Why don't you walk me back to my office?" he suggested. "I'm not properly attired for this kind of weather." I hadn't paid much attention to his clothes before, but now I noticed that he was only wearing a thin lab coat over his grey suit. "I was wondering where you were going," he explained as we headed back to the hospital and I remembered—from the handful of times Lambert had wanted to see me—that all the offices on the second floor overlooked the park.

"Why did you decide to study medicine?" Carlisle asked curiously as we walked up the stairs.

"I knew it would keep me busy," I answered honestly. That wasn't what people expected a doctor to say when they asked her that question, but for me that was the reason I'd gone to med school. "I've never regretted it though. I loved it, especially working in the ER and that's what I specialised in, emergency medicine. While I was still at med school I thought I'd like to be a surgeon, but I found that most surgeons aren't very nice people. No offence."

Carlisle laughed once. "None taken. Besides, I agree with you." We reached Carlisle's office then. Lambert was in his own office two doors down, talking loudly on the phone, a woman by the sound of it, although I couldn't make out the words. He seemed agitated.

_Maybe his wife finally figured out that he's slept with at least half of the female staff_, I thought somewhat gleefully. "I'd better go," I said to Carlisle. "I have a lot of work today."

"So have I," Carlisle replied with a small sigh. "That storm yesterday was very bad."

"I'll see you later then," I said, turning to leave, but he stopped me.

"As a preacher's son," he said gently, "I would like to give you a piece of advice. Of course it's entirely up to you whether or not you'll heed it."

I nodded, although I was suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"If you choose to forgive Edward," he continued, still in that gentle voice, "it won't mean that he's no longer responsible for what he's said and done. He always will be, for as long as he exists."

I opened my mouth to reply and tell him that I knew that, that it was easier said than done, but the words never left my lips, for silence abruptly fell in Lambert's office, allowing us to properly hear the voice of the woman on the other end of the line. "I don't care," the voice said icily and Carlisle and I both froze. "Just do as I say." The line went dead and Lambert swore violently, but the voice still echoed through my head.

It was Victoria's.

xxx

**A/N: Do I have to hide now?**


	28. Interlude

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait, but here it is. I have received so many reviews for the laster chapter and I love every single one of them. I'd like to send a special thanks to **roon0**, who went back and reviewed almost every chapter; to **zindad**, whose comprehensive reviews I adore; to **BriannaMacBride**, who is always so enthusiastic; to **semper**, who reviews every time; and of course to **KayMarieXW** for her support and for being an amazing beta!

The next chapter is already finished. I'll upload it sometime between Thursday and Sunday, so you won't have to wait too long this time.

The results of the **Canon Tour **(you'll find the link in my profile) were released last Saturday. The stories that made first and third place are some of my favourites. They are truly amazing. Also, you must read **KayMarieXW's** entry **Paved With Bad Intentions**. It's incredibly funny! Jasper and Emmett struggle to keep Bella safe.

I'm on **Twitter **now and I'd love you to follow me **TheaJa1** ! I'm already spending far too much time there!

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing due to obsession issues.**

28. INTERLUDE

EDWARD

_So take this night  
Wrap it around me like a sheet  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I need a place to sleep  
So take this night  
And lay me down on the street  
I know I'm not forgiven  
But I hope that I'll be given  
__Some peace_

_This Night by Black Lab_

_I wish I hadn't left_.

Bella lay in my arms, just like she always had before I had left her, before I'd almost destroyed her. Her face was peaceful, the way a person's features only relaxed when they were fast asleep. Only her silent heart gave her away. I remembered the rhythmic _thu-thud thu-thud_, the sound that once had been the centre of my universe, with perfect clarity. It was easy, surprisingly easy, to imagine that we were still in Forks in Bella's little room, where I'd stayed with her almost every night. I would hum her lullaby until she drifted off to sleep and hold her while I listened to her talk, wondering what she was dreaming, wondering what it felt like to dream because I didn't remember.

Now she'd never dream again. Her dreams hadn't always been happy ones. There'd been nightmares as well, many, many nightmares. Despite her insistence that she didn't remember when I asked about them in the morning, I'd always known that the shadows of her nightmares at times haunted her in daylight. I'd wanted to chase them away, protect her from those dreadful dreams so desperately. I hadn't been able to, of course. Sitting beside her while she slept, holding her, was the only thing I could really do. I'd wished her nightmares would go away, even though I'd always known that they would stay as long as I stayed. How could she sleep and dream peacefully with a monster like me by her side almost every hour of the day?

But the dreams, the nightmares, hadn't stopped when I left, had they? No, they'd only changed and now she'd suffered night after night _because_ I'd left, because I'd made a mistake so monumental it had nearly destroyed her—and me. And maybe what I'd done had already destroyed _us_. I didn't allow myself to believe that though. If I went there, into that dark place that was my future without Bella, I would lose myself. I didn't want that, not before she'd made up her mind. _And maybe_, I thought as a smiled down at her, a sad smile, but still a smile, _maybe she'll decide to give me a second chance. _With her lying in my arms and our fingers lazily entwined, it was so easy to believe. So tempting. I clung to that thought, at least for now, because what else did I have to hold on to? What else did I have to keep me from falling apart?

Bella sighed softly, making me wonder what she was thinking, but I didn't ask, pretending—just like she was—that nothing at all had changed, that I hadn't left and hurt her.

"It wasn't my idea!" Embry hissed downstairs, considering throwing the rag he'd used to wipe down the appliances at Jacob's head. "Seth told me to nuke it!"

Bella shifted in my arms, frowning softly. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch into a slight smile.

"I thought he'd pour the stuff into a bowl first," Seth said from the living room, his voice defensive. He rolled his eyes at Rosalie, who smiled. The squabble reminded her of home, of how Emmett went out of his way to provoke Jasper or me into a fight and, on occasion, even Alice. She missed him. She missed us all—even me—but she was afraid to go home and face us. Esme had tried to call her several times. Seth had reasoned with her for hours, trying to convince her to go home and talk to us or at least pick up the phone and speak to Esme. Rosalie knew that Seth was right, that she should just go home and apologise. But what if we didn't forgive her? What if Emmett didn't forgive her? That was what she was afraid of most. Of him leaving her. Of the one person in her world that had always loved her unconditionally abandoning her. Had she finally driven him away? Emmett had always supported her in the past, but when she confessed what she'd said to Freya he'd lost his temper with her. And the things he'd said… Rosalie shuddered at the memory.

Seth noticed and raised his eyebrows, guessing correctly that she was thinking about Emmett again. He felt sorry for her. He'd made it clear that he believed that she'd brought her family's anger and disapproval on herself, but he'd also told her that despite the horrible things she'd said to Freya—he'd heard it via Jacob, who'd heard it from Alice—he didn't think any less of her. _People make mistakes_, he'd said with a shrug. Convinced it would do no good if he went into it again now, Seth smiled and asked Rosalie to help him sort out an imaginary computer problem.

Rosalie, knowing that Seth knew at least as much as she did and maybe—which she was able to admit, somewhat to her own surprise, without envy—even more, realised that he only wanted to distract her. She returned his smile and listened as he outlined the nature of the problem, her thoughts drifting away from Emmett for the moment. She liked Seth. He reminded her of her youngest brother, the one she'd always been fondest of.

"Forget it," Jacob muttered now as Embry started to scrub the walls, "that stuff is never coming out." Running his hand through his hair, he stared at the mess they'd made and considered his options. He was tired because working in the morgue was harder than he'd thought and because he'd gone for a quick run before the storm had hit, but he didn't want to leave the kitchen as it was. If Bella hadn't been so upset, he would have found it hilarious. As it was, not so much. He was still feeling guilty that he hadn't been able to stop Seth and Embry for wrecking Bella's living room, although he hadn't even been present at the time. "Let's clean up what we can," Jacob said grumpily, "and then go to bed. You helping us, Seth?"

"Why?" Seth called back, now defiant instead of defensive. "I'm innocent. Besides, doing some cleaning will be good for you. Leah constantly complains that you leave your stuff lying around when you crash at her place after patrol."

Jacob grumbled something that Seth didn't quite catch, but he knew his friend and alpha well enough not to push it. Rosalie laughed quietly, enjoying herself.

"I'm glad they get along," Bella whispered, curving her lips in a lazy smile.

"So am I," I replied just as quietly. "It was very kind of you to invite Rosalie to stay."

Bella shrugged. "She needed a friend." Then she added, as if suddenly remembering that she didn't really know whether Rosalie considered her a friend, "Seth really likes her."

We lapsed into silence after that again. Embry and Jacob rummaged around in the kitchen until Jacob declared himself satisfied and shuffled upstairs to shower and go to bed. Seth was already fast asleep on the sofa while Rosalie was finishing the application they'd been working on. Embry eyed her with mixed feelings as he zipped himself up in the sleeping bag on the floor. He'd begun to trust her as he had begun to trust as all, but he didn't like her and failed to understand what Seth saw in her. "Night," he yawned, punching his pillow into shape.

"Night," Jacob muttered as he stepped into the shower.

"Sleep well," Rosalie said softly, smiling because she didn't remember the last time she'd bade someone good night.

"Sweet dreams," Bella said, which caused Embry to snort as would have preferred to go without dreaming altogether. He had nightmares rather than dreams, unavoidable, he believed, in his line of work as vampire killer… I huffed at this last thought that brushed into Embry's awareness before he drifted into oblivion.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Nothing. Just something Embry was thinking about before he fell asleep."

"Do you see what people dream?" she asked, with genuine interest. It wasn't a question she'd ever asked me before.

"Yes. It's interesting as well as insightful. Freud would have loved to be able to do what I do. Seth is dreaming about home, I think. He's playing with a little child. It's a little hazy. Dreams usually are."

"I don't miss it," Bella said after a while. "My dreams weren't very pleasant most of the time. I miss sleeping though," she added a little wistfully.

"Sometimes so do I," I replied.

Jacob turned off the shower. He wasn't thinking of anything in particular. He was hoping we would find Bella's friend Olivia alive and well, at least as well as could be expected after several days of captivity. He was wondering what Bella and I were doing, if us being together in her bedroom meant that she'd forgiven me. He was looking forward to calling his friend Quil tomorrow night as they hadn't spoken since Jacob had left Forks so hastily. He wanted to ask him to send him some of his stuff because he doubted the situation with Victoria would be resolved anytime soon and he wouldn't leave Bella until it was over.

He frowned at his image in the mirror. He regretted how things had turned out. He didn't want to be an alpha. He just wanted to be Jacob and live his life the way he wanted. That wasn't an option anymore. Bella's transformation had changed everything.

His thoughts drifted back to that evening. I held my breath as the first images filtered into his mind. Bella hadn't told anyone what exactly had happened that night, not even Alice. But Jacob had been there. At first I saw only trees. Jacob had phased and he saw everything from lower to the ground than I was used to. He was talking to Quil as Sam hadn't phased yet when he heard Bella scream. He spun around, his paws easily finding purchase in the forest floor. Pushing the front door, which had stood ajar, open with his shoulder, he found Victoria standing over Bella, poised to strike. Her eyes were wild, her face twisted with fury. Bella was bleeding. Her blood only smelled like blood to Jacob, but I thought I still detected the subtle note that made her Bella. Victoria startled visibly when she saw him and hissed. Crouching low to the ground, she edged away inch by inch, probably intending to escape through the back of the house. Jacob shot after her, teeth bared and his russet fur on edge. She ducked out of the way in time to avoid his teeth, turning around to scramble away. Panic had joined the rage on her face. The hallway they were in was too narrow for Jacob to move properly. He rose on his haunches as if to leap at her, aiming at her face. His claws scraped over her diamond skin with the sound of metal being torn apart. Victoria screamed, again attempting to flee and this time Jacob let her go. He glanced over his shoulder at where Bella was lying on the floor, with her hand pressed against her throat.

_NO!_ That was all was able to think. _No no no no no. _This was exactly what he'd fought to avoid. He'd kept her safe for seven years, but in the end he'd still failed. He knew what he had to do, what Sam would expect him to do.

But could he do it?

"Jake," Bella whispered coarsely, reaching up to bury her trembling hands in the fur of Jacob's neck. "Kill me." For a moment Jacob thought she wanted to say something else, but she began to scream so suddenly that he winced, flattening his ears against his skull. Wide-eyed, he watched as Bella lay thrashing on the floor, clawing at her throat. I wanted to shy away from the memory. I didn't want to see Bella suffer, but I forced myself to watch.

This was as much my fault as it was Victoria's.

Jacob didn't know what to do. He knew what was happening of course. Bella had told him about how she had been bitten once before and how I had saved her, but he didn't dare attempt to do the same. Our venom was poison to him.

_Jake, what's going on?_ That was Quil's voice. Jacob had completely forgotten that Quil was there and has seen everything and he startled because he knew that Quil would immediately inform Sam. Jacob frantically begged him not to say anything to Sam until he had figured out what to do, but Quil's consciousness was already fading away again. Jacob phased back as well without a second thought. He couldn't allow Sam into his mind. Not now. He'd order him to kill Bella and Jacob couldn't disobey an alpha order even if he wanted to.

The panic he'd felt before was suddenly gone. He'd made up his mind. He wouldn't kill Bella. He couldn't. Not yet. Maybe it was true what she'd told him about us. Maybe she'd decide to follow the same path. Jacob's cell phone started ringing. He ignored it. Instead, he went to close the door and the windows, then slid down onto the floor, slumping against the wall a few feet away from Bella. She was his friend. His best friend. If he killed her, he'd never forgive himself for as long as he lived.

Jacob blinked at the steamy mirror and the memory disappeared as he suddenly remembered my presence. _What the hell…_ he thought tiredly._ Just don't tell her I accidentally showed you. It wasn't my secret to tell. Figured it was since she didn't tell any of you._

"I won't," I said.

Bella squinted up at me.

"Just talking to Jacob," I replied, at which she rolled her eyes and then pretended to go back to sleep, nestling into my embrace.

oOo

"Thanks for coming," Esme said as I pulled into the driveway. "Not that I couldn't handle him alone," she added thoughtfully, "but I'd rather I didn't have to thwart his advances in the first place. With you there, he'll pull himself together. At least I hope he will."

I chuckled softly and kill the engine, the frame of the car moaning softly as the metal began to cool down. "He's not here," I explained when Esme raised her eyebrows at me questioningly. "Only his wife and daughter are. His wife isn't too happy about having to deal with you. Apparently, she doesn't quite agree with how her husband spends his money."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Esme muttered. Grabbing her black briefcase, she stepped out of the car and looked up at the house. She hadn't been here before as she usually met her client at the mansion outside Anchorage that he'd hired her to restore. It was beautiful, if a little too grand, even for this neighbourhood. Its Victorian-style facade was painted a bright blue, a blotch of colour in the sea of white. Overhead the sky was calm, grey and opaque. Only the biting wind reminded of the storm last night. "Still," she said eventually, "thanks for coming."

"You're very welcome," I replied, smiling broadly.

I was still in a good mood, although things had been a little awkward this morning when Bella had gotten up to go to work. Sensing that she needed to be alone, I'd left just as Jacob stumbled out of his bedroom, his thoughts sluggish with sleep or rather the lack thereof. "I'm getting old," he'd muttered. Bella's pealing laughter had drifted over from the bathroom and I'd allowed myself to join it as I left the little house behind me. Jacob may not have liked me much, but I was certainly beginning to like him.

Esme hadn't asked where I'd been. Kate had called to inquire about my whereabouts as I hadn't answered her calls anymore after she'd sent me after Bella. Esme correctly assumed that I'd been at Bella's place and although her curiosity rivalled what I'd gotten off Alice when I passed their car on the way home, she wouldn't push me. She'd wait for me to tell her and she'd decided to have a word about it with Alice as well because my sister was simply incapable of showing that much restraint, especially now that she was blind because of the wolves.

"Have you heard anything from Rose?" Esme asked as she waited for me to get out of the car and make my way through the snow to her side. Her client's wife was watching us from behind the curtains of a ground floor window and, as nobody had bothered to clear the driveway, we'd have to be careful to move like humans. Gentleman that I was, I took Esme's arm to lead her over the treacherously slippery surface and up the eight stone stairs that led to the white, polished front door.

Esme giggled like a schoolgirl as she clung to my arm, even going so far as to pretend to slip every now and then. She was enjoying herself. I smiled. Jasper preferred Esme and Alice's presence over everyone else's because they were almost always happy, often using their happiness to improve the general mood at home.

Remembering that Esme had asked me a question, I said, "Sort of. She's at Bella's."

Esme slipped on the very last step, for real this time. I held her arm tighter, not because I didn't want her to fall, but because I didn't want her to try and avoid the fall as we were still being watched. "She is?" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

I nodded. "Bella invited her to stay."

We reached the front door then and although she still had a million questions, Esme pushed Rosalie into the back of her mind for the moment, focusing on her work instead. The door was opened before I'd even touched the elaborate brass knocker. The smile on the woman's face belied the hostility lacing her thoughts. She'd never met or spoken to Esme before and what she saw now confirmed her fears. Esme was beautiful and much, much younger than she was. She knew rather than just suspected that her husband had tried to hit on Esme before, maybe even already slept with her. Patricia Lambert was well aware of her husband's infidelities, but because of the pre-nup he'd made her sign she couldn't divorce him without losing everything, including her daughter.

"I'm Esme Cullen and this is my son, Edward," Esme said, smiling kindly. "I have an appointment with Henry Lambert."

"He's at work," his wife said, her voice perfectly friendly. "But why don't you come in? It's as much my house as it is my husband's. I'd love to see the plans."

She stepped out of the way to let us inside. Esme entered first, but something caused her to freeze on the threshold. Patricia Lambert, having already turned around to go to the kitchen and get us refreshments, didn't notice her hesitation. I quickly followed to discover the cause of Esme's sudden confusion.

Impossible!

I looked at Esme and saw my own surprised and confused expression in her mind.

The scent was old and therefore weak. Pine, dry earth and iron and underneath the unmistakable sweet fragrance of a vampire.

"A vampire?" she said, her voice pitched so Patricia Lambert wouldn't accidentally overhear. "Here?"

I shrugged to indicate that I was just as clueless as she was.

Steps sounded overhead and a moment later a young girl came bounding down the stairs, the ponytail she'd pulled her golden hair into bouncing up and down. She was a mirror image of her mother, only a little taller in build and more athletic. Seeing us, she paused and her face, lit with a smile up until a second ago, fell. She'd expected someone else.

"Bailey, don't just stand there!" Patricia Lambert had reappeared with a tray laden with three mugs, a pot of hot tea and a plate of cookies. She noted her daughter's rudeness with disapproval. "Get our guests' coats."

Bailey rolled her eyes but did as she was asked. _Cute_, she thought as she took my coat_, but not as cute as Austin_.

I raised my eyebrows as soon as she'd turned to close the door and put the coats into a built-in closet. That was a first. Bailey followed us into the spacious living room that appeared to be bathed in sunlight despite the grey sky outside and parked herself on a black leather armchair at the far end of the room, a netbook on her knees.

"It's beautiful," Esme said admiringly.

Patricia Lambert smiled, the first genuine smile since our arrival. "Thank you. I did most of it myself with my daughter's help. Please, sit."

I didn't pay much attention to the conversation that followed and tried to come up with a scenario that explained the unknown vampire's presence in this house. With all that was going on, I was inclined to believe that this was just another of Victoria's games—Henry Lambert was Bella's boss after all—and I didn't believe in coincidence as a matter of principle. But maybe this was exactly what this was. I had to at least allow for the possibility. Still, even if this vampire didn't have anything to do with Victoria—which I found very hard to believe—we'd have to track him or her down and make it clear that he had to leave town. Under normal circumstances we wouldn't have bothered as what other vampires did or didn't do wasn't our business, but unfortunately Victoria had already attracted too much attention. If more humans turned up mysteriously murdered, especially someone like Henry Lambert's daughter, who I assumed was well-known, the Volturi would send someone to investigate. That was the last thing we needed. For the moment the killings seemed to have stopped, probably because Victoria had finally realised that it was getting her nowhere, but we'd all rest easier—figuratively speaking of course—when we'd disposed of her and the army of vampires she appeared to have assembled.

This vampire had to disappear, voluntarily or involuntarily.

"Mum," Bailey said, "Austin's coming over to take me out to lunch. Can I go?"

"Sure," her mother said, briefly glancing up from the blueprints Esme was patiently explaining to her. "Have fun." I detected no trace of the guilt in her voice that had settled in her mind. Her daughter was supposed to be at school and she'd only allowed her to stay home because she knew her husband would pitch a fit when he found out. It seemed that the War of the Roses had already started.

_Why do humans do that to one another? _I wondered. _Why is it so hard for them to part in peace?_

A knock sounded on the door.

"That was quick," Patricia Lambert remarked dryly.

Bailey shrugged. "I guess he was already in the neighbourhood," she said evasively as she put the computer aside and padded into the hallway to get the door. I stared after her, confused. She'd lied. Why would she lie about her boyfriend's whereabouts? Her parents—or her mother anyway—obviously approved of him, otherwise she wouldn't have allowed to let her go. There was no need to lie.

Unless…

Bailey opened the door, smiling up at the pale, handsome face of a young man. Crimson eyes met hers. I gasped, causing both Esme and Patricia Lambert to look at the, the former worried, the latter blankly. "Tea was too hot," I managed. "Burned my tongue."

Satisfied, Patricia Lambert focused on the blueprints once more. Esme knew that something was wrong now. I gave a minute shake with my head to indicate that I wasn't sure what was going on yet.

The vampire—Austin, if that was his real name—entered and froze, just like Esme had as our scents registered with him. His nostrils flared, his eyes widened. "Do you have visitors?" he asked in a voice that seemed too deep for his tall, rather lanky frame. He couldn't have been older than sixteen or seventeen when he was changed. There was nothing remarkable about him, nothing that would make him stand out even in a crowd of humans. He was plain for a vampire. Only his red eyes gave him away. "I saw the car in the driveway," he added when Bailey shot him a quizzical look.

I focused on his mind. He was surprised. He hadn't expected to meet another vampire, let alone two of them, because he'd been told that he could have Bailey to himself. I almost laughed at his ignorance. In the vampire world everyone knew that Anchorage was the Denalis' territory, and by extension ours, and most vampires respected that claim. How could he not know that?

_Because he hasn't been told_, I realised. _And who pointed Bailey out to him? Victoria or one of her lackeys?_

"Yeah," Bailey said dismissively. "Dad's having someone restore the house he inherited last summer. Mum's in the living room if you want to say hello." It was clear by her tone that he'd better if he wanted to stay on her mother's good side. "I'll just go grab my shoes."

Austin sauntered into the living room, his face carefully arranged in a friendly mask. His eyes narrowed when he saw Esme and me sitting at the table. His eyes met mine and confusion swept through his mind as he wondered why my eyes were a different colour. He was also wondering what we were doing here, if he'd unknowingly encroached on someone else's territory. His creator had told him that he could have Bailey to play with and he'd been taken with the girl from the moment he first laid eyes on her, but maybe his creator had been wrong. He hadn't heard from him in a while after all…

_What does he want?_ Esme asked, worried.

"Hi, Mrs Lambert," Austin said pleasantly. "Nice to see you again."

Patricia Lambert smiled in response. She knew she should ask him why he wasn't at school but didn't because she wasn't sure she wanted to know. She'd noticed that there was something strange about him and that his presence set her husband on edge—which was the reason she had allowed her daughter to date him although she was very much aware of how irresponsibly she was being. But how dangerous could he possibly be? He was just a boy!

I scowled. The vampire edged back half a step, uncertain, and Esme arched her eyebrows. Didn't she read the paper? Didn't she know what humans did to one another every day? Patricia Lambert was naive if she believed that nothing would or could ever happen to her daughter. But she was also desperate. She wanted Bailey to choose to stay with her if she ever filed for divorce and there was only very little that she could give her that her husband couldn't.

"Have fun," Patricia Lambert said without even asking where he was taking her.

Fortunately, the vampire had expected that question and had his answer ready—he was planning to take her to the McDonald's just a short drive away. It wasn't a lie. _Good_, I thought, _knowing where he's going will make following him a whole lot easier._ I had to follow him. I had to make sure he didn't hurt the girl—I didn't trust what I saw in his mind—and have a word with him once he was alone because we needed to know who'd sent him. I'd also have to make sure he disappeared for good.

I heard my cell phone, which I'd left in the pocket of my coat, vibrate once. A text message, from Alice probably. My sister was nothing if not quick.

"We're leaving!" Bailey announced as she walked down the stairs, more carefully than last time because the pair of high heels she'd put on to impress Austin was a size too big. Bailey obviously had a death wish. _Then again_, I thought with sardonic pragmatism, _the vampire will probably keep her from hurting herself, if only to save her for later_.

"I think I have a migraine coming on," I said as soon as they'd left, pressing my fingers to my temple and hunching my shoulders to make my performance more believable. "I'll be outside to get some fresh air. It was nice to meet you and your daughter, Mrs Lambert. I'll follow them," I added, so low that only Esme could hear. "Text me when you're done. I'll tell you where to meet me. We may have to kill him."

Esme's expression was pained. _Jasper and Emmett are better suited for that kind of job_, she pointed out. Unfortunately, Jasper had taken Emmett hunting yesterday and they were at least a few hundred miles away. I'd seen nothing in the vampire's mind to indicate that he would bolt—he didn't appear to consider Esme and me a threat—but he might change his mind and I'd rather deal with him now than later. Tracking someone who didn't want to be found would be difficult in this kind of weather, even with Alice to guide us.

oOo

The vampire didn't appear to be very creative when it came to dating. I'd followed them to the McDonald's I'd seen in his mind on foot, slowly making my way first through snowy backyards and then back alleys. He wasn't aware of my presence and I intended to leave it at that until Esme was with me. Alice hadn't foreseen any problems, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.

He'd bought her a burger and a coke and was pretending to nibble on some fries while he patiently listened to Bailey complain about her life in general and her parents in particular. I was lurking in the shadows behind the McDonald's to avoid detection and as I had access to both their minds, I didn't necessarily have to see them. A fast food restaurant would never have been my first choice for a romantic dinner—or in this case lunch—but Bailey didn't seem to mind. I got the impression that she was just glad to get out of the house for a while. She'd noticed the increasing tension between her parents. I would have loved to find out where she'd met the vampire, but neither of them wanted to oblige me. Bailey's thoughts were firmly on her new boyfriend and the vampire's thoughts were, for the most part anyway, firmly on Bailey.

_He's confident_, I mused as I leaned against the wall, listening to the rise and fall of voices and the cacophony of thoughts inside. _It never even once occurred to him that Esme and I might pose a threat to him. _Then again, Esme and I hadn't exactly been at our most intimidating. The thought made me smile. Esme was never particularly intimidating, but that didn't mean she was any less dangerous than the rest of us.

"What would you like to do next?" the vampire asked now, his melodious voice easy to pick out among the sea of human voices.

Bailey shrugged. "Anything as long as it doesn't involve going home anytime soon. Mum and Dad are driving me crazy. He actually tried to forbid me to see you again! Mum took my side, though I have no clue why she did that. I know she thinks that I'm too young to be dating."

The vampire smiled, flashing his perfectly white teeth. Even through Bailey's mind I saw that they were coated in venom—he found her very appealing. "I happen to think you're very mature for your age," he said, throwing in another smile for good measure.

Bailey blinked and for a moment her mind grew unfocused. She'd wanted to thank the vampire, but she seemed to have forgotten how to speak and I absently wondered if this was what Bella had meant when she accused me of dazzling her. Bailey gave herself a little shake to clear her head and finally replied, "Thank you, Austin! That's very sweet of you."

"It's the truth."

Bailey smiled, looking down at her half-eaten burger to hide her blush. She'd had a boyfriend before—her parents didn't know that of course and she preferred it that way—but she hadn't felt about him the way she felt about Austin. _I think I'm falling in love_, she thought giddily.

I grimaced. Perfect. I wished there was a way to let her know that her boyfriend wasn't what he seemed. She'd be heartbroken when he disappeared and never came back and while I knew that she'd get over it eventually, I could certainly relate.

_Then again, Bella never did get over you as you believed, now did she?_

I scowled at the thought. Well, I was certain she'd prefer being lovesick over being tortured and murdered by a sadistic vampire, which was exactly what would happen eventually. Austin's mind wasn't a pretty place to be.

"Anyway," Bailey said, "my favourite band's new album was released yesterday. Can we go and get it?"

I knew the music store she wanted to go to. It was just a block from here, barely a five-minute walk. It was also very public. Esme and I could lure him away from Bailey and talk to him without having to fear that he'd cause a scene. _At least in theory_, I thought wryly, hoping his creator hadn't neglected to tell him about the Volturi.

Esme texted me as Bailey and the vampire were half-way to the store, talking animatedly about their favourite music. I had to admit that they both had good taste. I gave Esme instructions where to meet me and how to get there without accidentally tipping the vampire off, then ducked into the shop next to the music store to keep an eye on them from there. I didn't realise it was a clothing boutique until I was actually inside. The salesgirl had already noticed me and was striding purposefully in my direction, the stale air that smelled of lavender, vanilla and dust swirling as she moved. "Can I help you?" she asked eagerly. Apparently, I was the first male customer since she started working here a year ago.

"I'm looking for a present for my girlfriend," I lied smoothly while I watched Bailey and the vampire browse the store for the CD she wanted.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "Why don't you just show me what you have and I'll make a decision based on that?"

The salesgirl shrugged. I followed her to the back of the boutique where she began pulling clothes off racks with a speed and determination that rivalled Alice's. Maybe that was prerequisite for selling clothes. I picked a pair of jeans and a blouse that I hoped Alice would like—it struck me as rather suicidal to even attempt giving Bella clothes—and left the shop just as Esme's mind drifted into my reach and Bailey was paying for her CD. Perfect timing.

Esme eyed the bag in my hand curiously.

"For Alice," I said, handing it to her because it was a touch too feminine for my taste and because I'd just had an idea. I peered through the glass front of the music store and found Bailey standing in line at checkout, her free hand on the vampire's arm. "I want to talk to him," I continued quietly. "Do you think you could distract Bailey for a minute or so?"

"Of course," Esme replied. "What do you have in mind?"

I gave her a crooked smile. "I'm sort of making this up as I go." I crossed the street and entered a little shop that sold spices. Fortunately, the saleswoman was on the phone with her mother and left me alone.

"I'm so sorry!" I heard Esme exclaim. I slipped behind a shelf so that the vampire wouldn't accidentally see me if he happened to glance my way, pretending to read the labels on the spice jars for the benefit of the saleswoman. "I didn't see you there." She smiled kindly at Bailey, who'd just run into her and lay sprawled on the sidewalk, momentarily stunned. _That's not quite what I had in mind_, Esme thought contritely and offered Bailey her hand to get up. The vampire stared at Esme in bemusement, not quite sure what was going on.

"You're Bailey Lambert, aren't you?" Esme asked, helping the girl to brush the muddy snow off her coat and jeans. "I'm sure you're looking forward to living in the house your father's having renovated. It's beautiful."

"I've never seen it actually," Bailey muttered as she flipped open the CD case to make sure the disk hadn't been damaged. "Dad doesn't want to take us out there until it's finished." _And I really don't care_, she added silently.

Esme smiled fondly. "I'm a bit of a perfectionist myself. I never let any of my children see my on-going projects. I sometimes take my son along though, when I have errands to run. You've met him."

I grinned as I realised what Esme was intending to do. Hopefully, the vampire would get the message and leave. If not, we'd have to be more… persuasive. I hoped it wouldn't come to that though. I didn't want to kill him unless I absolutely had to.

"That was your son?" Bailey asked, then cringed as she realised how rude that had sounded. _She just looks so young_, she thought. _And her son was what? Sixteen? Seventeen?_

Esme didn't have a mind reader to know what was going on in Bailey's head. She was used to that response when she introduced us as her children and while she didn't talk our 'adoption' with people she barely knew under normal circumstances, she wanted to make a point.

The vampire hadn't yet grasped what Esme was getting at.

"He's adopted," Esme explained. "All of our five children are." She looked pointedly at the vampire as she said it and his eyes widened in understanding and apprehension. "In fact, I just bought something for my daughter." Esme held up the bag, smiling. "Anyway, it was very nice to see you again."

_How was I?_ Esme wanted to know as she walked away.

"Perfect," I said even though Esme was too far away to hear. "I couldn't have done it better myself."

I watched the vampire take Bailey, who was still wondering why Esme had basically told her the story of her life although she didn't even know the woman, by the hand. They strode off, Bailey more running than walking to keep up. The vampire was confused now, a hundred questions rushing into his mind. The urge to track down his creator and demand answers made him careless. Bailey was secretly relieved when he ditched her at a bus stop. Austin's behaviour was confusing as well as scaring her a little. She was aware that there was something strange about him, something that she'd never seen in another person, but normally he took great pains to hide his otherness. He didn't now though, and that made Bailey, much as she liked him, feel uncomfortable.

I left the shop and followed him, past the bus stop where Bailey was standing shivering and cursing her uncomfortable shoes, and through the crowd. The vampire kept throwing glances over his shoulder as he walked, suspecting that he was being followed. Suddenly he froze as Esme's scent registered with him. I smiled as I closed the distance between us. Esme had guessed correctly as to where he was headed and circled around the block to cut him off, assuming I'd be right behind him. She was still several hundred yards away, but the wind carried her scent directly at him. He spun around to hurry away in the opposite direction, only to find his path blocked by me.

He growled as he glared at me and hoped that I wouldn't realise that it was just for show.

"Let's talk," I said and moved forward, managing to wind my hand around his right arm although he tried to step out of the way and away from me. Esme suddenly appeared and secured his free arm in her grip, helping me to haul him into the semi darkness of a narrow alley just off the main road. His attempts at resistance were half-hearted; with so many humans close by, he didn't dare do anything that might attract their attention.

"Look," I said and I let go of his arm to show some good will as there was nowhere he could have gone without having to get past Esme and me first. "Under normal circumstances your hunting habits would be none of our business, however, we maintain a permanent residence nearby…"

His eyes first widened and then narrowed as he wondered how we could possibly make that work if there were really as many of us as Esme had claimed there were.

"…and for that reason cannot afford to attract any attention. If you read the paper, then you know that we're having to deal with a rampant vampire already." That wasn't exactly the truth, but the whole story would have taken too long to explain and he didn't need to know it anyway.

"I'm not that vampire!" he exclaimed, eyes wide with fear. "I didn't do it, I swear! I just want that one girl and then I'll leave Anchorage. Craig said I could have her!"

"We know that you didn't kill those women," Esme said quietly. "Is Craig your creator?"

"Yes! I was on my way to talk to him when you guys all but abducted me!"

I snorted. "Please, don't be dramatic. Besides, I know you haven't seen your creator in over two weeks? Do you even know where he is?"

Images flashed up in the vampire's mind. He and his creator—a short, rather sturdy-looking vampire with a round face and wavy blond hair—hiding in the trees in the Lamberts' backyard, watching Bailey through her bedroom window. The vampire entering the run-down building his creator was supposedly staying at and finding it empty. It was raining in both memories, so they were at least three weeks old, probably even older.

"Why this particular human?" I asked, jolting him back to reality. "What's so special about her?"

The vampire shrugged. "I don't know, man. I figured Craig knew what I liked and wanted to be nice. Look, if you want me gone, I'll take her tonight and leave. I'm not looking for trouble."

_No! _Esme exclaimed forcefully.

"I'm sorry, but you can't," I replied. "That girl is the daughter of the Dean of Medicine over at the Alaska Regional. Her disappearance would raise all kinds of questions. Your creator did tell you about the Volturi, right?"

I had expected him to react rather strongly, but I had not expected him to fly into a rage. He didn't even seem to hear my question about the Volturi. Instead, he growled savagely and charged, going straight for what he believed was the easier target—Esme. Compared to the rest of us, with the exception of Bella, she wasn't a very strong fighter, but she could hold her own. Jasper had made sure of that.

Esme leapt out of the way, surprised by his unexpected attack. _What's going on?_ she demanded as she neatly evaded the vampire's swipes. I grabbed the vampire by his shoulders and hurled him into the wall behind us. It trembled alarmingly, snow and plaster drifting down. He was back on his feet within the fraction of a second and charged, again focusing on Esme. I seized him once more. I held on as he struggled, snarling ferociously. The fight ended as quickly as it had begun. Esme spun around on one foot to gather momentum and brought the side of her hand down onto the vampire's neck. His pale skin cracked and black hairline fractures began to spread down his neck and along his collarbone, disappearing under the collar of his jacket. He gasped, panicking now. Esme repeated the movement and then the vampire's head rolled lazily through the greyish mud, his widened crimson eyes staring vacantly up at us. His body was still struggling, but its movements grew weaker by the second and eventually it was still.

"What just happened?" Esme asked as she stared down at the head in dismay. She had never killed another vampire before and had always hoped she would never have to. She knew that it was for the best, that it would save Bailey's life, but still she couldn't bring herself to feel happy about what she'd done.

I smiled sympathetically. Esme wouldn't be Esme if she took joy from hurting others.

"I'm not really sure," I replied. "I've never seen anything like it and he wasn't exactly thinking coherently anymore after I told him that taking the girl wasn't an option. From what I gathered he was very… possessive of her, which makes me wonder what he was like in his human life. I caught glimpses of what he planned to do to Bailey… I'm sorry," I said when Esme's horrified expression registered with me. "I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say that he was a sadist and that you did the world a favour by destroying him."

Esme regarded me doubtfully.

"It really was for the best," I said softly.

My cell phone started vibrating in my pocket. If that was Alice to tell me what to do about the vampire, she was a little bit too late. I checked the caller ID before accepting the call. It was, in fact, my sister.

"Alice, now is not a good time," I said apologetically as I gestured for Esme to begin disassembling the body. The humans passing by just a few feet away hadn't noticed the fight—it had only lasted a few seconds after all—but I'd rather we got rid of the body as quickly as possible, just in case someone decided to poke his head into the alley. Getting the remains unseen wouldn't be easy as it was. You couldn't just walk around town with a head under your arm and I had a feeling that Alice would skin me if we packed it with her new clothes.

Esme's face was unhappy, but she did as I had asked.

"I know, I know," Alice said hurriedly, her voice an octave higher than usual with excitement. "But I just had a vision about Victoria and you have to come to the hospital ASAP. Hurry!"

The phone went dead just as I wanted to ask what her vision was about, if Bella was in danger. I trusted Emmett and Jacob to keep her safe, but Victoria had proven how clever she was time and time again.

"I'm sure she'd have told you if she'd seen Bella," Esme said softly; my worried expression had given me away. "Go and find out what's going on! I can handle this. Go!" she urged when I remained rooted to the spot. "This is exactly what we've been waiting for, isn't it?"

"Thank you," I whispered. I kissed Esme on the crown of her head and sped off.

Esme was right. This was exactly what we'd all been waiting for.

oOo

**What do you think? Any favourite moments? I'm sure some of you have a pretty good idea now as to where I'm headed with this. PM me for spoilers if you can't wait. Please review if you enjoyed this chapter and even if you didn't. I always love to hear what you think!**


	29. Turning Point, Part 3

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! I wanted to upload the chapter yesterday, but we visited the godchildren and when I got home, I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a week. This morning there was a problem with my Safari browser (for some reason I can't seem to edit chapters anymore) which still isn't fixed. I'm using Firefox now and so far it's working, but it's still somewhat annoying because it's been like this for the last two weeks no****w… Enjoy this chapter! I'd love to hear what you think. If you write a review, I'd be forever grateful!**

**A massive thanks to all who'd reviewed or alerted to me since the last update. You have no idea how happy your appreciation of Lifelines makes me!** **A special thanks, of course, to my beta KayMarieXW. Your input on this chapter was incredibly helpful!**

**Also, an apology is in order for misspelling Brianna McBride's pennam****e in my last post. In my defense, I had just got up and was still half asleep when I uploaded the chapter.**

**I've been on Twitter for a while and I'd love to see you there. Follow me TheaJa1 !**

**Enough with the rambling now! **

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing. All original characters belong to me.  
**

28. TURNING POINT, PART 3

BELLA

A million different thoughts flashed through my mind simultaneously. That it couldn't be Victoria Lambert had spoken to on the phone, that he didn't even know her, that I was imagining things because I was scared and desperate… But then I felt Carlisle's hands on my shoulders, forcibly holding me back and I realised that while the conscious part of my mind was still grappling to understand, the subconscious part had already accepted that it _was_ Victoria and decided to take action.

Henry Lambert _knew_ her, had been _working_ for her, had most likely _spied_ on me and Carlisle and it didn't matter why he'd done it, what he gained from working with a psychopath like Victoria. What mattered was that he'd betrayed us and for that he'd deserved to die once he'd told me everything he knew. _And by God_, I thought savagely, _I'll make him tell me!_ For a single moment, a moment that was so brief it could not be measured, I felt overwhelming relief, relief that what Victoria had done wasn't all my fault, that there was someone else to be blamed as well.

Then rage took over, wiping every conscious thought from my mind.

I strained to break out of Carlisle's grip, snarling and hissing ferociously as I tried to wrestle free, but he held me pinned against his chest, slowly dragging me towards his office. I was kicking at him, clawing at his clothes and still his grip wouldn't loosen. Using his elbow, he pushed down the door handle, then quickly spun around and shoved me into his office, closing the door behind him. Stumbling forward, I grabbed the edge of his desk to steady myself and wheeled around.

I paused for the tiniest of moments to assess the situation. Carlisle's office was larger than mine, with the desk standing perpendicular to the window, now on my right. A door opened into an adjoining bathroom that was so tiny that a man broader in build than Carlisle wouldn't have been able to turn around properly. Two comfortable-looking off-white armchairs and a small rectangular glass table sat in the corner beside the window, opposite of the desk. Shelves with medical reference works—not that Carlisle would need them—lined the walls. His desk was cluttered, which somehow didn't fit my image of him. Six or seven pictures in heavy silver frames sat in the left upper corner of the desk, clustered around a lamp. I couldn't see them from where I was standing, but I assumed they showed his family.

Carlisle had positioned himself in front of the door, knees bent and arms half-raised. He was prepared to stop me from leaving, but while his expression was serious and tense, I could tell that he didn't really expect me to resist.

He was wrong.

I had never liked Dr Henry Lambert. I had realised that he was exactly the kind of man I had always sought to avoid the moment I'd walked into his office and had seen the way he looked at me. I'd noticed how his eyes had lingered on the neckline of my shirt, how his gaze swept over every inch of my body. I wasn't stupid. I knew that he'd only hired me because he'd liked what he'd seen that day. Why else would he have hired me? I had no credentials to speak off, had only just finished my residency when Victoria had changed me. Still, I'd been grateful. I wanted my life to be normal again, at least as normal as was possible for a vampire. I'd accepted that I'd have to thwart Lambert's advances every now and then and while, as a human, that prospect would have frightened me, as a vampire it didn't. I didn't care how many times he tried to hit on me because I knew I'd be able to walk away. As he had proved to be persistent, I tended to stay as far away from him as possible.

_Is that_, I wondered absently, _why he works for Victoria?_ _To get back to me for not sleeping with him?_ Did he want to destroy me because I dared refuse him? Or wasn't this about me at all? Was Victoria blackmailing him? I despised Henry Lambert with every fibre of my being, but I was sure he loved his family, if not his wife, then his daughter, and who wouldn't do anything for a loved one in danger?

In the end, however, it didn't matter to me why he'd done it. He had done it and I'd make him pay for it if it was the last thing I ever did. I would make him tell me where Victoria was hiding and then I'd put an end to this. I wouldn't let anyone stop me. Not even Carlisle.

I charged.

Carlisle reacted instantly. Stepping forward, he pushed my raised right arm away with his left and a moment later I felt his right fist connect with my jaw. I stumbled sideways into the shelf, which toppled over when I crashed headfirst into it. He was talking to me. I heard his voice, but what he was saying didn't make it into my brain. I turned around to attack again before the shelf struck the ground, the plywood splintering easily.

Carlisle was still guarding the door, his expression strained. I understood only too well. It was only a matter of time before someone would come running to find out what was going on, alerted by the racket we were making. I had to reach Lambert and get the information I needed before that. But Carlisle stood unmoving, warding me off and talking to me in that calm, gentle voice of his. His words began making sense again eventually, but I simply refused to listen. I wasn't interested in what he had to say. He wanted to stop me and I couldn't allow that. Didn't he see that this was what we'd all been waiting for? Lambert could lead us to Victoria and if we found her soon, then maybe I'd be able to save Liv after all.

At some point he changed tactics, attacking me rather than waiting for me to come to him. I was no match for him. Carlisle was a superb fighter, with centuries of experience behind him. He wasn't as good as Jasper or Edward, but he was good enough to beat me, who had never really fought before that night in Chicago.

But, just as in Chicago when I'd somehow spread my shield over Edward and saved us both, I got lucky.

Carlisle had managed to grab me from behind, his arms like steel clamps around my torso. I had no clue of self-defence whatsoever, but Renée had made me watch _Miss Congeniality_ with her over and over again and somehow those memories—fuzzy and indistinct, like all human memories that had survived my transition—found their way to the surface of my mind now. It was impossible to disable a vampire, but I didn't have to disable Carlisle. I just had to distract him for a moment to buy myself half a second or two.

_Solar plexus. Instep. Nose. Groin._ Bending my elbow, I jabbed it into Carlisle's stomach as hard as I could. It couldn't have hurt, but he still flinched, loosening his grip around my chest. I drove the long, thin heel of my shoe into his instep, then spun around and struck his nose with the heel of my hand. The feeling of guilt that washed over me when I brought my knee up, causing Carlisle to gasp, lasted only a moment. I was free and rushed to the door, almost ripping it off its hinges in my haste to open it. Just a few more steps and then Henry Lambert would be at my mercy…

I ran straight into Emmett's broad chest.

I yelped in surprise, then Emmett, who was clearly amused, lifted me up by the collar of the duffel coat that I was still wearing, carrying me back in Carlisle's office. Jake followed in Emmett's wake, taking care to stay clear of my kicking legs. His face was grim, his eyes dark.

As soon as he'd closed the door behind him I knew I'd lost. I'd never be able to reach Lambert now, not with Emmett virtually sitting on top of me. I slumped in his grip and the rage I had felt was almost instantly replaced by despair. Emmett didn't seem to trust me. He still held me literally at arm's length, my feet dangling a few inches above the floor.

"Alice," was all Emmett said, eyeing Carlisle, who didn't seem to have fully recovered from my attack yet, curiously.

"She couldn't reach either of you and called Emmett to tell us to get up here ASAP," Jake added. "She didn't explain what was going on though." His eyes shifted from Carlisle to me and I wondered what he saw in my face, for his hard expression grew instantly soft, worried. "What happened?" he asked gently.

"Victoria," I hissed, teeth bared.

"I'm afraid it's true," Carlisle said when Jake raised his eyebrows at me in surprise. "We overheard Dr Lambert—he's the Dean of Medicine—talking to her on the phone. Bella," he paused briefly as if he didn't quite know how to describe my outburst, "reacted very strongly." He gestured at the ruined shelf and the sea of books on the floor. "I thought I heard my cell phone," he continued, "but I was preoccupied. Is Alice coming?"

"She and Edward both are," Emmett replied in a serious tone. He finally released me, but he kept near me as if he expected me to bolt again. I peeled off my coat and tossed it over the glass table which had miraculously survived the fight, then sank onto the floor next to it, shoulders sagging. I could hear Lambert pacing around his office, his heart pounding in his chest. I wished I'd heard the entire conversation and not just the end.

I didn't glance up as Jake crouched down beside me. "You okay?" he asked softly, putting his arms around my shoulders and pulling me against his side although I stiffened at his scorching touch. Jake wasn't very good as respecting someone's personal space. It was a wolf thing.

"No, I'm not okay," I said—snarled, really. "The man who's been spying on me for God knows how long, is only two doors down and I want answers, but you won't let me near him!"

Jake placed the tips of his fingers underneath my chin, gently tilting my face so that I was looking at him. "And how would you go about getting those answers?" he asked calmly. "Beat it out of him?"

I didn't answer, but my silence must have told him everything he needed to know, for he sighed and shook his head. Emmett laughed once, incredulous. Jake's hand fell away from my face and took my hand instead. "Let Edward handle it," he said softly. "He's better… equipped for that kind of thing."

I blinked. Jake never spoke of Edward if he could help it. I'd noticed that things seemed to have changed between them—although I couldn't even begin to fathom why—and while they sort of got along now, I doubted they'd ever become friends. Jake may have changed his mind about vampires in general, but Edward wasn't just a vampire. He was the vampire who'd left me heartbroken. If I decided to forgive Edward, then Jake would probably—hopefully—accept that decision, but he'd never forgive Edward for what he'd done. I didn't think he could, for he was the one who'd picked up the pieces of what Edward had left behind.

That he now spoke of him as a friend and if not as a friend, then as someone he respected, maybe even valued to an extent—it was strange. Or maybe I was simply imagining things. It was hard to think through the black veil of despair shrouding my mind and I shook my head to clear it.

"I won't let him get away," I croaked. I wanted it to sound like a threat, but my voice faltered and it came out as a plea.

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder as well, a kind smile on his face. I instantly felt guilty for hitting him. "Let's see what he tells us during the interrogation first."

"You're considering letting him go?" Emmett asked in disbelief. "Carlisle, if that guy doesn't know too much already, he will after we're done with him. He can't be allowed to live!"

"We'll see," Carlisle replied quietly.

Next to me Jake shifted uncomfortably. I had a pretty good idea what he was thinking. According to legend, the Quileutes had become wolves to protect their tribe. That protection had later been extended over the entire county, and standing idly by while we disposed of Lambert went against everything Jake had been brought up to believe in. Besides, he was still a law enforcement officer.

In the end, however, he'd have no choice but to accept our decision. As Emmett had said, Lambert knew too much. We couldn't allow him to walk way even if we'd wanted to because he couldn't be trusted to keep our secret. If he was found out, we'd all die. Carlisle seemed to be prepared to trust Lambert's word, but I wasn't because I knew him.

_And even if he didn't know a thing_, I thought, with a bloodthirstiness that both surprised and scared me, _I'd still kill him._


	30. Resolved, Part 1

**A/N: **I guess this is the chapter you have all been waiting for and I hope I won't disappoint you. As the chapter is so important, I found writing it especially hard and I couldn't have done it with **KayMarieXW**'s support. Thank you so much for helping me out! I truly wouldn't know what to do without you.

I would also like to thank **lynettecullen**, **TheLadyKT** and **nauticalmass**, who went back and reviewed almost every chapter. That's just amazing and I appreciate it so much.

I also have to apologise. Writing this chapter, I discovered that I accidentally wrote a logic error in the chapter before last (which I actually wrote before the last chapter; complicated, I know). Esme is dismayed because she'll have to help Edward disposing of Austin as Jasper and Emmett are out of town. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. Emmett is at the hospital, of course, and Jasper at school. I'm sorry for that!

Also, the next round of **The Canon Tour** (go to my profile for the link), the New Moon Round, is about to begin. I suggest you check it out! The entries of the Twilight Round were fantastic and I'm looking forward to seeing what people come up with. As I plan to write an entry for the New Moon Round and am also going to be busy because of my thesis, there may be some delay in updating Lifelines. I hope I'll be able to finish the next chapter before the year is over, but I can't make any promises.

I know it's a bit early for that, but I still wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 2011 has been a great year for me in many ways. I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to meet so many new people and even make what I believe are going to be lifetime friends via FFN..

Enough with the rambling now! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

30. RESOLVED, PART 1

EDWARD

_A snowflake falls onto my cheek_

_As I wake up from distant sleep_

_I stand up dazed as I look around_

_What is this place that I have found?_

_Snowflakes by White Apple Tree_

Alice beat me to the hospital. Her yellow Porsche was easy to pick out from among the fleet of more sedately coloured BMWs, Mercedeses and Audis. But even if, for some reason, I'd failed to see her car, it would have been impossible to miss Alice. She was standing beside it, wearing a coat that matched the hideous colour of her Porsche, jumping up and down excitedly. Seeing me emerge from the park behind the hospital, Alice waved and told me to hurry at the top of her lungs.

People were beginning to stare.

I sprinted the rest of the way at what just barely passed for human speed. "Finally," she huffed when I stopped beside her, pretending to pant for our audience's sake. She was acting if I'd kept her waiting for hours. "What took you so long?" she demanded.

I ignored her obviously rhetorical question and fell in beside her as she walked towards the main entrance. "I still can't believe I had a vision," she said, pushing through the glass doors. I hadn't been here since the gala and the entrance hall looked different this time, less crowded. "I wish I'd had it sooner though."

"Are you seriously complaining?" I asked, eyebrows raised. I'd expected Alice to be grateful, given how much she'd suffered because of being unable to help.

"No, of course I'm not," she said immediately, instantly indignant. "How can you even think that? I was rather fond of Carlisle's office furniture, though. They thoroughly wrecked it!"

I blinked, puzzled. "Who did?"

The receptionist waved as we walked past her. It was the same one I'd asked for directions a week ago. Only seven days, yet they felt much longer because so much had happened since then. Time passed differently for me, not just because I had so much of it at my disposal, but also because a single second could very well feel like an hour to me. So, in a sense, a small eternity _had_ passed since I'd come to pick up Carlisle to drive to the home of the alleged rampant vampire.

"Bella and Carlisle," Alice explained, frowning. "Well, Bella mostly. Good thing I called Emmett. She was so angry and would have killed Lambert, she was so angry. I would have been tempted too, but we need that… man alive, at least for now."

"What?" I asked, completely confused now. Alice's mind offered no answers. She was going over a list of questions she wanted to ask Carlisle and Bella's boss. "Why did they wreck Carlisle's office? And what does Henry Lambert have to do with anything?" No answer, just more questions. All of them, I suddenly realised, concerned Victoria. "Alice!" I said sharply, closing my hand around her shoulder to stop her.

"What?" she asked, impatience—and annoyance—tinging her voice as she turned around reluctantly. We were halfway up to the second floor where Carlisle's office was. The staircase was empty except for Alice and me, which was exactly why we'd decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. It was faster. I could already hear my family's minds—to my surprise the term now also included Jacob—and what I saw there was even more confusing. Perhaps Bella's mind could have given me answers, but of course it was silent, a spot of calm, of nothing, in the mental chatter of my family.

"What did you see?"

"I'm sorry," Alice said, drawing a deep breath to calm herself. "It's just that I absolutely didn't see this coming and I still haven't recovered from the shock, I guess." She gave me a fleeting, if distracted, smile, then the vision she'd had unfolded in her mind once more. In Alice's memory of the vision, I saw Bella and Carlisle walking down slowly the hallway to Carlisle's office. I didn't know what to make of Bella's expression, which was pensive and unhappy at the same time. Their conversation, if they'd had one, seemed to be over, so the vision gave me no clues as to what they'd possibly been talking about. Then again, that wasn't what the vision was about. I saw the two of them stop in front of Carlisle's office, Carlisle lifting his hand to wave Bella goodbye, when an angry voice suddenly drifted over from an office two doors down. My eyes widened although I already knew that her vision had something to do with Victoria. I recognised the voice instantly. It was Henry Lambert's, but that wasn't the cause of my surprise. It was the voice that answered him. "I don't care," the voice said, each word pronounced with ice-cold precision. "Just do as I say."

"Victoria?" I whispered, stunned. "She's in contact with _Henry Lambert_, of all people?" I suddenly remembered the vampire—Austin—that Esme and I had killed only fifteen minutes before. I thought of how strange I'd found his presence and this entire business of his creator having given him Lambert's daughter practically gift-wrapped. "Well," I said out loud, "at least that clears _that_ up."

"Keep watching," Alice urged. "You're missing the best part."

Again I focused on the vision still playing in her mind. Carlisle's hand had closed around Bella's, as if he was expecting her to bolt any second, and after a moment she did just that. She tried to break out of his grip, snarling viciously as she clawed at him, but Carlisle held her firm against his chest, half pushing, half dragging her into his office. There he let her go, obviously hoping that Bella would see reason and calm down. Still, he remained in front of the closed door, his stance and posture indicating that he was prepared to fight her. I didn't think Bella would actually try to get past him despite what Alice had said. She was smarter than that, would realise that we'd need Lambert alive and that would calm her down.

But she didn't seem to realise. Or if she did, she didn't care.

She spun around, her face still a twisted mask of rage. Carlisle reacted with the minimum of movement. He simply pushed her back, throwing her off balance. Bella crashed into the shelf to Carlisle's left but was back on her feet and attacking again before the remains had even hit the floor.

"Bella, you have to calm down," Carlisle said quietly, in a voice I recognised. He'd been talking to me in the same voice once when I was a newborn. "We need Lambert alive. Calm down." He repeated these two words over and over again, but Bella wasn't listening. By the expression on her face, it was hard to tell if she even heard him. The fight continued that way for a while, Bella charging and Carlisle fending her off. Then Carlisle realised that he was getting nowhere and switched from defence to offence. Bella wasn't a match for him—for any of us, really—and he'd caught her within a matter of seconds, holding her down despite her struggling to free herself once more. I expected Bella to calm down now. Surely she must know that she fight was over. But she didn't. Her eyes ablaze with determination, she slammed her elbow into Carlisle's solar plexus and caught him completely by surprise. His grip around her body slackened. Bella drove the long, thin heel of her right shoe into his instep, then wheeled around in a fluid motion. The heel of her hand connected with Carlisle's nose only the fraction of a moment later. I knew what was coming, having seen this particular self-defence technique many times—_Miss Congeniality _was one of Alice's favourites because she loved commenting on the choice of dresses—and grimaced. It didn't hurt, not really, but it _was_ uncomfortable. To say the least. Carlisle gasped and he let Bella go, distracted. Bella headed straight for the door… and then the vision blurred and was gone.

"Ouch," I said, still grimacing.

"Yes, that's pretty much what I thought," Alice said, smiling slightly as she started moving again. I had to take two steps at a time to catch up with her, despite my longer legs. "Glad to see she can defend herself, though. And to be honest, I didn't think she had any fighting spirit in her."

I would have loved to object as I didn't like even the implication of an insult, but unfortunately Alice was only stating a fact. "I don't know what happened after Emmett and Jake showed up, but between the three of them they should have been able to keep Bella… under control. I don't think I've ever seen her that savage. Even when she's hunting, she's pretty constrained. Or was in that vision of her mauling the bear, anyway."

I hadn't been hunting with Bella yet. Only Esme had and she had neither spoken nor thought about it, at least not in my presence. She needed to go soon, however. This morning there'd still been a trace of gold in her eyes. In Alice's vision they had been obsidian black.

In reality, Carlisle's office looked even worse than it had in Alice's vision, even though he'd tried to clean up the worst damage while he'd been waiting. "There you are," he said as Alice and I entered and put another book on the already precariously high stack on his desk, which had somehow survived the fight. Bella was sitting on the floor, wedged in between Emmett and Jacob and looking utterly miserable. Seeing me, Emmett immediately got up and moved out of the way so that I could sit down beside her.

Jacob had put his arm around her shoulders and I wanted to do the same, to give her the comfort she so obviously needed, but I was uncertain whether she'd accept it from me and so I simply asked, "Are you alright?"

Her reaction wasn't at all what I'd expected, especially not given how dejected she looked. "Am I alright?" she hissed, fury flashing in her eyes. "That son of a bitch Henry Lambert is working for Victoria and you ask me if I'm _alright_?"

I gaped at her, not used to her using that kind of language.

"Bells," Jacob began placatingly, but Bella's fury dissipated as quickly as it had come and she slumped back against Carlisle's sofa, her shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered, brushing a strand of hair that had escaped from her ponytail out of her face. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"You don't have to apologise," I replied softly.

_She's been like this since Emmett and I came_, Jacob said. His mental voice sounded tired. Then again, he hadn't caught much sleep the night before. _Can't say I blame her_, he continued, trying to resist the urge to rub his bloodshot eyes and failing. _It has to be hard, finding out that someone you work for has been selling you out to the enemy. I know she's never liked the guy much because she hinted at it often enough in our letters… _For a moment his sleep-deprived mind lost focus and Jacob fleetingly remembered the letter he'd written her only two weeks ago. Even more had changed for him since then, than it had changed for me. _But_, he continued eventually, back in the present, _this came as a shock. Who expects something like this? So I guess she's entitled to feel whatever way she likes._

"I just don't understand why he did it," Bella whispered. The desperation in her voice made me want to wring Lambert's neck and save us the trouble of interrogating him. Of course, then we'd probably never find out where Victoria was. "Why would someone willingly help Victoria?"

That was when everything suddenly clicked into place. I could be wrong, of course, because so far second-guessing Victoria hadn't worked out so far. She'd proven time and again how cunning she was. This was certainly something she could come up with. It was just the scale of things that I found slightly disturbing.

"I think I can help you with that," I said very slowly.

Bella lifted her head ever so slightly. "What?"

"And," I continued instead of answering Bella's question, "I'm beginning to think that Victoria's plan is even more elaborate than we thought. I'd written it off as coincidence when Esme told me, but what if it wasn't?"

"When Esme told you what?" Carlisle asked.

I held up my hand and dug my phone out of my pocket, dialling Esme's number. Carlisle waited obligingly. "How's the body disposal going?" I asked when she answered on the first ring.

"Body disposal?" Carlisle and Emmett whispered to Alice almost simultaneously. Even Bella seemed intrigued.

"Very well actually," Esme replied. "I had no idea that werewolves were so efficient. I'm very impressed. And Seth is quite the gentleman."

"Aren't I?" Seth asked somewhere in the background. Even over the phone I could tell he was grinning. "Must be Jake's influence. Oh, wait. On second thought I don't think it can be."

Jacob growled quietly.

Seth laughed, unimpressed. "Is he there? Anyway, to answer your question, yes, it's going well. We're almost at the car. Rose thought to bring a few shopping bags to pack the body parts in. Less conspicuous than a trash bag, you know. It is a little weird, though, walking through the city with a dismembered body. I really hope we won't get pulled over on the way home. We'd never be able to explain this mess."

"I'm sure I'll be able to talk us out of it if we are," Rosalie said confidently.

"We're a little busy here right now," Esme said. "Are you at the hospital? Is everyone alright?"

"Yes to both, although Bella is still a little shaken up. She overheard a phone call her boss was making to Victoria."

Silence. I didn't get the impression that Esme was particularly surprised, however, and maybe she wasn't. Like me, she'd been wondering whether it was a coincidence that Austin's creator had chosen Bailey as a gift. I knew now that it wasn't, and if Esme had been thinking along the same lines, she must have drawn the same conclusion that I had on learning that Henry Lambert was in league with Victoria.

"Well," Esme said eventually, "that does explain it, doesn't it?"

"It does, although I wished it wouldn't. Do you remember when you were contacted to restore Lambert's house?"

"Lambert's house?" Carlisle mouthed to Alice, but right now Alice was as clueless as he was.

"Yes, of course I do. It was the middle of August and I had just placed my ad online after Carlisle got the job at the Alaska Regional. To be honest, I didn't really expect anyone to call before next year. Winter in Alaska isn't exactly the right time to begin restoring a house, especially not when extensive outside repairs have to be made."

"Do you know why the position as Head of Surgery was vacant?" I asked Carlisle, Esme still on the line. Carlisle blinked, grappling to organise his thoughts; the apparent non sequitur had caught him by surprise.

"I do. The previous Head of Surgery," Carlisle's eyes widened, "passed away," he finished sharply. "I was told he had a heart attack. I even wrote a condolence card to his family. It didn't strike me as weird at the time because it _is_ a stressful job, but he was only forty-three and in perfect health, according to his colleagues."

"Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?" Emmett asked, his eyes narrowed. "That Victoria killed off that doctor so that Carlisle would get his job and that she got that Lambert type to hire Esme? Why go through all the trouble?"

"To keep tabs on us," Alice replied thoughtfully. "It would explain how Adam knew where to leave Freya and the others. Lambert must have known Carlisle and Bella were leaving for the airport and passed that information on to Victoria. It was a long shot, yes, but chances were good Bella would end up near our home eventually."

"I don't like this," Emmett said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. "It means that she isn't just after Bella, but after all of us."

"That doesn't sound good," Seth remarked, his voice louder now so he must be standing next to Esme. "But does it change anything? I mean the plan still is to kill Victoria. It doesn't make a difference who she's after and I bet that Bella is still her prime target. She wouldn't have sent all those vampires to Forks over the years if she wasn't."

"I suppose it doesn't," I admitted. "The thought of Victoria having manipulated all of us is just very, very disturbing."

"That still doesn't explain why Lambert's working for her," Bella noted. "What did you mean when you said you didn't think he was helping her willingly?"

"The vampire Esme killed and is getting rid of now—"

"I'm trying to," Esme corrected, "but I only have two hands, you know, and there are a lot of bags… I'll call you back as soon as we're done." The line went dead.

"Esme killed a vampire?" Emmett asked, impressed. _Didn't think she was capable of that!_

"It was necessary. He was Victoria's watchdog, I guess. It's possible that at first Lambert didn't mind passing along information, but at some point she must have started questioning his loyalty. The vampire Esme and I met while we were at the Lambert's house pretended to date his daughter, Bailey. That's all it would take to keep Lambert in check. He loves his daughter."

"After what I've heard today I'm disinclined to believe in coincidence," Carlisle said, "but I still have to ask. How do you know he was one of Victoria's vampires?"

"I don't," I admitted, "because the vampire clearly didn't know her. It was his creator, a vampire named Craig, who pointed Bailey out to him. However, it makes sense that he was there to keep an eye on Lambert and remind him that Victoria had the upper hand."

"Besides," Jacob pointed out, "this city seems to be crawling with vampires right now. I'm hardly an expert, but I got the impression you guys normally prefer to travel alone or in pairs. I'm getting pretty tired of all this guesswork. Why don't we just ask the guy? That's why we're here, isn't it?"

"It's not that simple," Bella said sharply.

Jacob wisely refrained from replying, at least out loud. _Jesus…_ he thought glumly. _I'm sorry_, he said then, directed at me. _I'm not good company today and Bella doesn't deserve me snapping at her. She has every right to be pissed. I'm used to working on very little sleep, but I may have pushed my luck._

"He has a point," I said, coming to his aid. "That's exactly why we're here. Where is Jasper, by the way?"

"At school," Alice replied. "I'm still not sure whether this will end in a bloodbath or not." She stated that last part very matter-of-factly without even looking at Bella, but Bella still shifted uncomfortably. _Just so you know it, if she decides to kill him, I'll be right behind her_, Alice said to me. _I know Carlisle doesn't approve, but in my opinion it would be entirely justified. _"Anyway," she continued briskly. "Jake, I'm sorry, but you have to leave. I need to see and you're in the way, so to speak."

"You can crash on the sofa in my office," Bella offered quietly. "Danielle won't mind if you tell her I gave you permission."

_See what I mean?_ Jacob asked, with an almost inaudible sigh. _One second she's biting someone's head off, the next she's like that. _"Good luck with Lambert," he said as he picked himself up from the floor, yawning widely. "I'll be downstairs. Thanks for the offer, Bells." He gave Bella's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. _Keep an eye on her_, he told me before he left.

"How do we want to play this?" Emmett asked. "Beat it out of him?" He glanced at Bella as he said this, gauging her reaction. Bella just met his gaze levelly, although all of us—including me, the image of Bella fighting Carlisle to go after Lambert fresh on my mind—expected her to agree. Jacob was right. Her actions were impossible to predict, even more so than usual.

"Let's try asking nicely first," Carlisle suggested dryly. "We can't afford to scare him."

"We also can't allow him to call Victoria again," Bella said suddenly. She pushed herself off the floor, running her fingers through her hair in a futile effort to disentangle it. "If we do, she'll run." She didn't actually say it, but all of us heard it anyway. _And she may kill Liv out of pure spite._

If her friend wasn't already dead, that was, and I highly doubted Victoria had left her alive this long. Olivia had outlived her purpose the second Bella and I had boarded the plane to Chicago. I'd promised Bella to help her find Olivia—a promise I would keep—but I was realist enough to at least consider the very likely possibility that she was already gone. I was certain we'd find her eventually, but I was also certain that we'd be too late to rescue her. While part of me admired Bella for her loyalty, for her love for a woman she hadn't seen in two years, another part was scared because if Bella kept convincing herself that Olivia was still alive, it would be so much harder for her in the end when all that we found were her remains.

I realised it was my own overly pessimistic view of the world that caused me to assume that Olivia had already been killed and disposed of, but in this case it struck me as a sensible approach, even if it made me appear cold-hearted. I also realised, however, that Bella probably didn't see it that way, that for her accepting the fact that her friend was gone equalled abandoning her. And what if she _was_ still alive? What if she died only because Bella had stopped searching?

I could only guess what was going on inside her mind. I wished she'd talk to me about it, but we'd all made it clear that focusing on Olivia's rescue was a waste of time and energy because there probably was nothing to rescue. I suddenly understood that we'd failed her, that we'd let her carry the burden of worrying about her friend all alone. That wasn't what families did. That wasn't what _we_ did.

I was an idiot.

It wasn't the first time I'd called myself a fool. I had, many times in fact, whenever I'd questioned my past decisions, thought about the mistakes I'd made. But it was only now that I realised the enormity of my mistakes. I had almost destroyed the woman I loved, the woman that was my life. I had almost torn my family apart. I'd realised both, had tried to change the way I acted, had tried to change myself. Yet I had failed. If I had changed, difficult though change was for a vampire, I would have supported her in everything she did, unconditionally, like Alice always supported Jasper in his fight for control, like Emmett almost always took Rosalie's side even when everyone else was mad at her, like Esme and Carlisle were always there for each other, no matter what. I was suddenly aware that I'd never regarded Bella as my equal, still didn't on some level, because there was a part of me that still saw the vulnerable, fragile human that needed to be wrapped in cotton.

Our relationship had been off balance from the start. For a very long time I'd believed this was because I was a vampire and she wasn't, because I had to protect her as she couldn't protect herself. I'd been wrong. Our relationship had been what it was because of the decisions I'd made, because of what I'd believed. I'd always considered myself a danger to Bella. In a sense I had been, but seeing how the vampire Esme and I had killed today had played with Bailey, all the while knowing he'd kill her in the end, had finally made me realise that I'd never been the monster I had always thought I was. Bella had never needed protecting, not from the dangers the world held in store, not from me.

All of this didn't matter anymore, yet in my mind I still saw myself as Bella's protector. Alice would have given Jasper a piece of her mind in a heartbeat if he ever so much as implied that she was incapable of looking after herself, as would Rosalie. They were partners, equals. That's what Bella and I had to become if our relationship was to work, assuming, of course, that Bella decided to give me a second chance. But how could Bella forgive me if I kept repeating the same mistake over and over again?

Following a sudden impulse, I reached for Bella's hand. She glanced at me, surprised, as I gently closed my fingers around hers. For the fraction of a second our eyes met, hers black, my own only marginally less so. I expected her to step back, to withdraw and once more raise the wall that had been between us since we met again. She didn't. Instead, she firmly grasped my hand, ever so slightly pulling me closer to her side.

The others hadn't missed the affectionate gesture, but instead of commenting on it they delved into a heated discussion about how to proceed. "Bella should confront him," Alice suggested. "No, I haven't lost my mind," she added when Emmett looked pointedly at the damage Bella had caused. I could see where Alice was coming from and she had a point. Unfortunately, so did Emmett.

"I'm with Alice on this one," I said.

Alice smiled smugly. Emmett shook his head, questioning my sanity. Carlisle sighed, thinking this wasn't the right time to be bickering. It was Bella's reaction I was focusing on, however. The surprise flashing in her dark eyes made me instantly feel guilty because it told me that she hadn't really expected me to support her. That she hadn't thought I'd have faith in her and her self-control.

"It's Bella he's been spying on longest," I continued. "From what I've seen so far, he sees her as a meek employee he can trample over whenever he chooses. If you show him that you're not, it may take him by surprise. Besides, we've killed the vampire that threatened his daughter. That should make us the good guys in his eyes, at least for now."

Bella nodded slowly, frowning. "I think I can do that." Then she suddenly smiled. "To be honest, I've been wanting to do that for a very long time."

"It's settled then." Alice rubbed her hands. "The rest of us will wait outside his office, just in case." _As I said, _Alice added, _I don't mind her killing Lambert. I'd just like to get all of my questions answered first. _"Come on, let's fix your hair now."

Bella's hands instantly travelled to her head. "What's wrong my with hair?"

Alice eyed the remains of what had once been a neat ponytail. "You look like a scarecrow."

Bella blinked. "Alice," she said then, her smile growing even wider, "you sure know how to boost a girl's self-esteem."

xxx

"I'm not sure I can do this," Bella confessed, her voice but a whisper. "I'm so mad at him. I don't like him and I certainly don't trust him and it still feels like betrayal. I've never wanted to kill someone intentionally, but I want to hurt him so badly… I'm a horrible person."

"You are _not_ a horrible person," I replied softly. "Just very, very human. Yes, I am aware of the irony of that, thank you very much, Emmett."

"Just saying," Emmett muttered.

"I believe they are having a private conversation," Carlisle chided gently. "Here, help me with that."

Emmett reluctantly stepped back into Carlisle's office where he was handed a broom. Emmett eyed it as if he had no clue what to do with it, even though I knew for a fact that he did. Esme had made him sweep the floor so often, usually in the aftermath of some prank gone wrong, that he'd become quite good at it.

"That suits you," Alice smirked, looking up from the pile of family pictures she was sorting through. Then she quickly ducked out of the way with an undignified squeal as the broom sailed her way. It clanked against the window before it dropped, knocking over the Chinese vase that sat in the corner. Carlisle lunged forward to save it.

"Emmett," he breathed exasperated as he righted the vase, "sit down somewhere and don't move!"

"What I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," I continued, "is that you have every right to be angry. Nobody will hold it against you if you kill him. As a matter of fact, I have it on good authority that Alice would lend you a hand. I'm sure so would Emmett."

"You bet!" The enthusiasm in Emmett's voice made Bella's lips curve into a hesitant smile.

Carlisle sighed. "Please remember that he has a family and people who love him."

I thought of his wife, who was trapped in a marriage she couldn't escape from without losing what she loved more than anything, and of his daughter, who rarely saw her father because he was never there when she needed him and always when she didn't. They would miss him, perhaps even mourn him, but I was certain that in the end they'd be relieved to be rid of the burden that he was, and neither his life nor his death would have meant anything.

I was aware I was travelling down a dangerous path. I was not my place to decide who lived or died; I'd learned that a very long time ago. Carlisle was convinced that Lambert could be trusted not to expose us. Privately, I had my doubts. However, this wasn't about me, about what I wanted, and it wasn't about what Carlisle wanted either. This was about Bella. It was her decision and we'd support her either way, even Carlisle.

"Thank you," Bella whispered. Drawing a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and tucked a strand of hair that had escaped Alice's elaborate braid behind her ear. "You are aware that I'm a terrible actress, aren't you?" she asked, smiling.

"Oh, you'll do fine," Alice said casually. According to her latest vision, Lambert would cooperate—then again, he wouldn't have much choice in the matter. His survival, however, was still up in the air as it entirely depended on his behaviour towards Bella and on whether she'd be able to hang on to her temper.

"Wish me luck," Bella said, allowing herself a last anxious smile, before she turned to knock on Lambert's door, her expression calm and professional.

"Always," I replied with a smile of my own, then stepped back so that Lambert wouldn't accidentally see me through the open door. Nervous as he was, he was bound to believe that he'd been discovered and while that was, of course, exactly what had happened, we didn't want to scare him. Yet.

"Isabella," Lambert said, surprised and startled, even though he was able to hide the latter very well. "What can I do for you today?" Could it be a coincidence that Bella showed up just as he was thinking about her? Besides, she never visited him. She disliked him too much for that. Lambert, contrary to what many of his employees seemed to believe, wasn't an idiot. He knew he wasn't very popular, but that was hardly his fault, was it? If women failed to see what a great guy he was, he had to _make_ them see it.

I couldn't decide whether I found his attitude disgusting or amusing. The man was clearly delusional. How could he even think about sex in a situation like this? A minute ago he'd worried that Bella was on to him, now he was calculating his chances of getting her to agree to sleep with him.

"Unbelievable," I muttered.

"What is?" Emmett asked curiously as he sauntered over and leaned against the wall beside me. Carlisle had released him, afraid he would break something if he kept him in his office longer than necessary.

"That man honestly believes he's God's greatest gift to women," I explained. "I know I'm not an expert, but I can't imagine any woman in her right mind being attracted to him. He's not even that handsome."

"No, he definitely isn't," Alice agreed as she joined us in the hallway. "That belly pouch is quite unbecoming. For a cardiac-thoracic surgeon he seems to pay very little attention to his health."

As I couldn't read Bella's mind, I was forced to watch the scene from Lambert's. I saw her enter and close the door from where he was sitting, his back to the windows facing the park. I wasn't surprised when he didn't stand to greet her. He firmly believed that employees needed to be put in their place on a regular basis, especially the female part of his staff that, like Bella, showed no interest in sleeping with him.

I gagged.

"That bad?" Emmett asked sympathetically.

"Worse," I assured him. It was quite unfortunate that vampires were incapable of suppressing memories. I so didn't want to remember what I'd seen in Lambert's mind so far.

"What can I do for you?" Lambert asked as he let his eyes wander over his body appreciatively, wondering what kind of underwear she was wearing. _Lace_, he thought. _A pretty girl like her would wear pretty underwear._ Did she prefer black or red? Her skin was so pale, so delicate. Either colour would look breath-taking on her, he was sure.

Emmett's hand suddenly dropped onto my shoulder. Seeing my rather murderous expression in his mind, I decided that it was probably a good idea if he held on to me. Just in case. It was hard to tolerate his fantasising about women in general, but seeing him thinking about Bella that way was almost unbearable to watch.

No wonder his wife wanted to file for divorce.

Bella must have known what was going on inside his mind, given that she'd worked with him for so long now, but she didn't let on. Instead, she demurely sat down in the chair in front of his desk, crossing her legs so that her black skirt slid up an inch, and smiled. "I was hoping I could have a moment of your time, sir."

Lambert smiled broadly. Had she finally come around? He knew she would eventually. She was a smart girl after all. "Yes, of course," he replied generously. "Anything for you, Isabella."

"I'm worried," Bella confessed, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. She needn't have worried about her acting skills. Lambert went for it hook, line and sinker. It wasn't often that he got to play protector and when he did, like with his daughter, he usually ended up being the bad guy. How she'd shouted at him when he'd wanted to forbid her to see her 'boyfriend'! It didn't occur to him even once how strange it was that a woman who usually went out of her way to avoid him was now asking for his help, which only confirmed my original assessment of him.

He was definitely delusional.

"Do you know about the women who've been murdered lately?" Bella asked hopefully.

Lambert was jolted out of the 'rescue of a damsel in distress' fantasy he'd been entertaining and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Of course, he knew about them. Who didn't? The entire city seemed to be talking of nothing else. Lambert had his suspicions about who was responsible for the murders. He wasn't blind. He'd seen pictures of those women and knew who they remembered him of. He'd never said a word about that to _her_, of course. That wouldn't have been very healthy and she had already sent someone to keep an eye on Bailey and to guarantee his continued cooperation.

I noticed that he didn't appear to like to think about Victoria. He shoved the memory back down almost as quickly as it had surfaced. He was aware of how dangerous she was. _Why did I ever agree to help her?_ he wondered desperately. _Does Isabella suspect anything? I hope not. _She_ will kill me if I blow it, and Bailey too._

"I read about it in the newspaper," he managed to say, his expression appropriately sympathetic. I saw Bella drew a deep breath, her nostrils flaring ever so slightly, and knew that she must have smelled the adrenalin that was coursing through his body. A moment later we all smelled it. He was scared. Very scared.

But he wasn't scared of Bella. Not yet.

"It's a very sad business," he added.

Bella slowly nodded. "It is," she agreed. "But that isn't what I came to talk to you about. I performed the autopsy on one of the victims and my assistant, Ms Grey, noticed how very much like me the woman looked. In fact, all of the victims resemble me." Her voice trembled slightly. "That isn't all, though. Last week I had two little girls on my table. Dr Lambert," the edge of feigned desperation on her voice made Emmett's jaw drop in awe of the fact that she was manipulating him successfully, "both girls shared part of my name! I'm scared."

Lambert stared at her, his mind numb with shock. _Children? I knew that woman was a lunatic, but children? Who does something like that?_ He thought of his daughter, remembering the time when she'd been but a toddler. The thought of someone deliberately hurting an innocent child made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Have you talked to the police about it?" he asked slowly. It took a conscious effort to keep the fear out of his voice. He wondered only absently why Bella had chosen today of all days to talk to him about that, when he'd had _her_ on the phone just half an hour minutes ago. He didn't make the connection. His mind was still in a state of shock.

"No." Bella shook her head, frowning. "I'm not sure they'll believe me. I mean," she smiled icily and this time there was no trace of anxiety or fear in her smile, "who would ever believe me that it was the doing of a single woman?"

Lambert froze. He didn't even dare to breathe as he met her dark, cold eyes. _She's guessing_, he thought wildly. His mind was suddenly working again, at twice the speed it had before. Fear tended to have that effect on the human mind. _She's only guessing. She can't know about my connection to _her. _She _must_ be guessing!_

"So you already suspect who might be behind it?" he asked, proud of how calm and firm his voice was. He'd deny everything. Bella had no way of knowing he was lying.

"I do," Bella confirmed icily. "I would just like to know why you, a doctor who is supposed to save people, is working for a mass murderess."

_She knows_, Lambert realised with a sinking feeling. If not everything, then certainly the gist of it. But how? He'd been so careful! He'd never even thought about _her_ in Bella's presence, afraid he'd give himself away._ Oh God_, he thought, horrified. _Bailey… He'll kill her!_

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, just as coldly. _Deny it_, he told himself over and over again. _Deny it! What's the worst she can do? It's not as if she can go to the police! As she said, nobody would believe her._

_He obviously has a death wish_, Alice thought, disgusted. _If he keeps it up, she'll kill him._ She showed me the vision she'd had. Lambert lay amidst the remains of his desk, his spine broken in several places, judging by the way his body was twisted.

"I think you do," Bella retorted. "In fact, I know you do. Please answer my question."

Alice was right, I decided. Lambert did have a death wish. Frightened as he was, he still managed to mistake Bella's overly polite tone as a sign of uncertainty. _Maybe I was wrong_, he thought, allowing himself to feel a sliver of hope. _Maybe she _doesn't _know and was only guessing before. Isabella obviously knows _her_, but then, I suspected as much anyway. _

_Why is this woman so important to you? _he'd asked her only thirty minutes earlier. It was a question he'd asked before and never received an answer for, so he'd been surprised when she'd replied,_ She took something away from me. And I want to make her and this coven of hers pay for it! _

"Who do you think you are?" Lambert demanded, pushing to his feet at last. He was leaning over his desk towards her, towering over her in an attempt to intimidate her. Fury flashed in her eyes.

Alice gasped.

"You almost have him," I said soothingly. "You're almost there. Just stay calm."

Bella nodded ever so slightly and relaxed visibly.

Alice breathed a sigh of relief. "That was close," she mouthed.

"How dare you accuse me of complicity to murder?" Lambert thundered. He didn't realise that he was very close to crossing a dangerous line. "Get out! Get out of my office this very minute or I will fire you, so help me God!"

Bella stood, her body rigid. It wasn't very hard to guess what was going on inside her mind. She'd almost reached the end of her patience. "Believe me, I don't intend to stay a minute longer in your presence than I absolutely have to."

It was the contempt in her voice that sent Lambert over the edge. He stepped around the desk, ready to grab Bella's arm and drag her outside.

"Uh-uh," Alice said as yet another vision unfolded in front of her psychic eye.

I didn't remember consciously deciding to move. I'd pushed open the door to Lambert's office and closed my arms around Bella's waist in less than a heartbeat. If Lambert had touched her, she would have ended him.

Bella snarled and I tightened my grip around her waist even though Alice didn't see her trying to escape my hold. Flinching, Lambert stepped back. However, he still wasn't afraid of Bella or even me. His fear of Victoria was too strong and Bella had been the meek employee too long for him to grasp now that she was just as dangerous as Victoria. His initial alarm at the possibility of having been discovered dissolved into rage.

The human capacity for stupidity was truly amazing!

"Stop," I said and cut off his rant before it had even begun. "We know you work for Victoria. We also know that you have been spying on Dr Swan and Dr Cullen. I suggest you answer Dr Swan's questions as truthfully as possible because I _will_ know when you are lying." I smiled humourlessly. "And trust me when I say that it wouldn't be a good idea to even try."

Lambert swallowed visibly. _I can't tell them. If I do, she'll kill my daughter._

"Bailey's safety is no longer an issue," I informed him. "Austin is gone and won't come back."

His eyes widened. _How does he know I was thinking about Bailey? And how does he know about that creepy kid?_

"As I said, it wouldn't be a very good idea to lie," I said simply. "Are you alright, love?" I asked quietly. Only when Bella turned around and raised her eyebrows at me, did I realise what I'd just called her. I let my arms drop back to my side, opening my mouth to apologise, but then she smiled and said, "I'm fine now. Alice saw me kill him, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did," I confirmed, relieved that she hadn't taken offence. I had lost the right to use that particular endearment a long time ago. What was I thinking?

Lambert had sank into the chair in front of his desk, his mind spinning. With the boy out of the picture, Victoria could no longer blackmail him, at least for the time being. It couldn't hurt to tell us at least something, could it? How was she to find out? As far as he knew, she wasn't even in Anchorage anymore. Besides, if we went after her, then we'd get her off his back.

It probably shouldn't have mattered what his motivation to help us was, but I found his pragmatic way of looking at things rather revolting.

"Fine," he said. "I'll tell you what you want to know." He made it sound like he was doing _us_ a favour instead of the other way around.

"Well," Bella said, visibly relieved, "for starters I'd like to know where you met Victoria."

Lambert was cooperative during the following interrogation, even if he didn't exactly go out of his way to help as out. He kept withholding details he thought were too sensitive for us to know. Luckily, Victoria hadn't warned him to guard his thoughts. Apparently, Lambert had first met Victoria at a medical conference last July where she'd posed as a pharmaceutical representative. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on and he'd been thrilled that she hadn't left his side even once during the conference. Bella had already been working for Lambert in July, which Victoria must have known; it wouldn't have been very difficult to find out. According to Lambert, he hadn't heard anything from Victoria until the beginning of August, shortly after the former Head of Surgery had unexpectedly passed away. Carlisle had already sent in his application by that time, which Victoria couldn't have known, but she did know that we had relatives up in Alaska and that it was the perfect place to live for a vampire. She'd asked Lambert to see if he'd got an application from a Dr Carlisle Cullen and to consider hiring him if he had.

"I would have hired him anyway," Lambert said with a shrug. "He really was the best candidate."

I found the thought of Victoria having brought us back together slightly disturbing and so did Bella, judging by the revolted look on her face.

Victoria had also asked him to pass along information concerning Bella. Lambert had complied mainly because he'd wanted to get back at Bella for rejecting him over and over again—that wasn't quite how he worded it, of course—and because he didn't think Victoria would do her any actual harm. She'd seemed like a lovely woman at the medical conference. And when he finally realised that she had an ulterior motive after all, it had been far too late. The psychopathic boy, Austin, had shown up only days after he'd told Victoria that he'd no longer do her dirty work for her.

"I don't know where she is," he admitted. "I have her phone number, though. Sometimes she answers, sometimes she doesn't. If she doesn't pick up, I'll leave her a message. She calls back only if she thinks it's important. She's been calling me a lot lately. Today she was pissed. Apparently, you weren't supposed to show up at work this week."

"It shouldn't be hard to trace her phone," Alice said thoughtfully, her voice pitched too low for Lambert to hear. "Once we know where she is, we can make a plan."

"I think we're done here," Bella said to Lambert. "You should consider yourself very lucky, _Henry_, that I'm in a forgiving mood today." The expression on her face told me that she wasn't, but Lambert had been as cooperative as we could have wished for. Bella didn't seem to think it was fair to kill him now.

"Wait!" he called as we turned to leave.

I froze, hoping he wasn't stupid enough to actually verbalise the idea that had just popped into his head. I turned around to glare at him, but he was looking at Bella, whose eyebrows were raised expectantly.

"Yes?" she asked politely.

"I have a suggestion," Lambert said hurriedly. "I could work for you instead, feed her false information if you want. I'm sure we could come to an agreement."

Bella seemed to have guessed what he was asking because she'd gone completely rigid, wasn't even breathing. It took every ounce of self-control that I had not to slash his throat and let him bleed to death. The fantasy now playing in his mind was repulsive. Bella on her knees in front of him, her skirt hiked up. Bella lying on his desk, naked.

"Stop it!"

For a moment I thought I had spoken. The images assaulting me had almost become unbearable and Alice was already preparing to tackle me pre-emptively before I did something I'd regret later. But it wasn't me who'd said it.

"Stop thinking about me that way!" Bella grated. I realised that somehow she had seen what I had seen, that her shield had been triggered—perhaps this time by fury instead of fear—and that she wasn't going to let it go.

I didn't even attempt to hold her back when she lunged at Lambert. She yanked him out of the chair by the collar of his shirt and he finally realised that he'd made the mistake of underestimating Bella and that she could be just as dangerous and savage as Victoria. She slammed him first onto the surface of his desk, shattering his shoulder in the process, and then against the window with enough force to break his spine in at least seven places and cause the glass to moan. Lambert gasped, then his mind went blank, simply disappeared, even as the supposedly shatterproof window broke into a million pieces. Lambert's body sailed through the air and hit the snowy ground below with a soft thud.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Bella whispered before she slumped to the ground, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest.

**A/N:** I would love to hear what you think! Review please! Follow me on Twitter if you want TheaJa1 !


	31. Aftermath, Part 1

**A/N: ****I hope you all had a wonderful holidays! ****I had intended to upload this chapter before Christmas, as a Christmas present. Unfortunately, it refused to be done in time. However, it is now and so are the next two chapters. That means that everyone who writes a review will be sent an exclusive sneak peek! In case this was too subtle: please, please, please review! (As you can see, I'm not above begging.)**

**Thank you to all who reviewed or alerted to me (or even put me on their favourite authors list; that is so sweet of you!) and a very special thank you to my beta KayMarieXW, whose suggestions have vastly improved this chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

**31. AFTERMATH, PART 1**

**BELLA**

_And it's so hard to dance with the devil on your back_

_And given half the chance would I take any of it back_

_It's a final mess but it's left me so empty_

_It's always darkest before the dawn_

_Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine_

I wasn't in the mood for caribou—or any herbivore, for that matter—but it was the first animal to cross my path tonight and the scorching fire in my throat made it unable to ignore the scent. I darted through the trees, following the distinct hoof prints in the snow, as well as the earthy scent that was characteristic of most plant eaters.

I loved hunting, not only because it allowed me to shed the human facade for a while, but also because it helped me forget. Every conscious thought retreated to the back of my mind, momentarily wiped away when instinct took over. I was completely focused now: all thoughts of Henry Lambert or Victoria were gone as I followed the scent the caribou had left. The forest was quiet, almost unnaturally still. The animals, even the smaller ones who had nothing to fear from me, froze when they sensed my approach, as if hoping I'd leave them alone if they didn't run. Sometimes it worked in their favour because like any predator, I couldn't resist the challenge of a chase and went after the animals that fled, ignoring the ones that played possum. Sometimes it just made them easier to kill.

The caribou I was tracking, and the rest of its herd—maybe five or six in total—hadn't noticed me yet, mainly because I was still half a mile away and because I was downwind and intended to keep it that way. I wasn't looking for a fight like I had with the bear the other night. I just wanted to satiate my thirst, extinguish the fire in my throat.

I was finally alone. I hadn't been alone since the interrogation. First Edward, on Carlisle's insistence that I shouldn't be alone, had accompanied me to my office, then Jake hadn't left my side until it was time to go home. I was glad I'd been able to convince him not to go hunting with me as well. My mood hadn't improved since this morning and I wasn't good company right now.

For the fraction of a second I lost focus, my mind slipping back to Lambert's broken body. Growling quietly at myself, I inhaled the cold air which was heavy with the scent of the caribou. Thirst shoved the memory aside.

I could see them now, patches of brown and white fur moving lazily through the trees before me. I briefly considered alerting them to my presence so that I could give chase, then decided against it. I didn't want to draw it out tonight. I was too thirsty. I shot into the small clearing. One of the caribous raised its head, not yet panicking, just confused by the stir of air my passage caused. Then my scent registered with it and roared out a warning, rearing on its haunches and spinning around. The herd was already moving. I focused on the largest animal, a buck by the size of his set of velvety antlers.

The caribou in question was either very brave or very stupid. As I launched myself onto its back to sever the carotid artery, it wheeled around to charge. Its antlers tore through the white shirt I wore and snapped my bra. I barely noticed. I grabbed the buck by the base of said antlers, twisting its neck in a fluid motion. A crack broke the eerie silence, then the caribou went limp in my grip. Its skin parted easily under my teeth. Although the blood was sweet and delicious, tasting like berries and nuts had once tasted to me, I missed the tangy edge that would have marked a carnivore's blood.

I sat back, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. The burn in my throat had receded slightly and I was able to think straight again, the last thing I wanted. I didn't look down at the caribou's broken body, afraid it would conjure up the image of Lambert lying in the snow. Instead I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, knowing the rest of the herd hadn't run far.

Something moved behind me. The skin on my neck started to prick. My eyes flew open and I was on my feet within a heartbeat, spinning around, with my right arm raised and my fingers curled into a fist. I didn't know why I didn't just run, given how weak a fighter I still was. Maybe it was the rush of the hunt and the sweet coppery taste of the blood still lingering in my mouth that made me more confident than I had any right to be.

Edward staggered sideways as my fist connected with his jaw.

I dropped my arm, surprised and annoyed at the same time. Was a little privacy too much to ask for?

"That was a first," Edward gasped once he'd regained his balance. "You have a wicked right hook when you put your mind to it," he added, feeling the edges of his jaw as if he was afraid I'd broken it.

"Sorry," I said curtly, my irritation showing in my voice. "Next time don't sneak up to me."

"I wasn't," he replied. "You just weren't paying very close attention to your surroundings." He finally glanced up, his lips curved in a crooked smile, then he froze when he got a good look at me. His eyes widened and he swallowed hard. Once. Twice.

I finally remembered that I was half naked and spun around, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Although I could no longer blush, my face suddenly felt very hot. Then soft white fabric was draped across my shoulders. For a moment I fought to resist the temptation to press it against my face and inhale the scent that clung to it. I gave myself a shake and quickly slipped the shirt on.

"Thanks," I said as I buttoned it up.

Edward's reply was soft. "You're welcome."

He was standing with his back to me when I turned around, his bare skin glinting in thin moonlight, and my breath caught in my throat. He was beautiful, the muscles on his back perfectly sculptured.

"I'm decent," I muttered, deliberately looking away. I felt Edward step beside me, his scent swirling around me. It was so tempting to lean against his shoulder, to seek the solace I needed in his embrace, but I refused.

I wasn't ready for that.

"I hope I'm not intruding," Edward said quietly, his voice tinged with something I couldn't quite identify. Regret? Longing? Or maybe a little of both? "I didn't know you'd be hunting here," he added apologetically. "Do you want me to leave?"

Did I want him to leave? No. Although I'd longed to be alone all day, now that Edward was here I wanted him to stay. Maybe he would understand why I felt so ambivalent about Lambert's death. Jake hadn't, not really, even though he'd tried. But maybe he couldn't because he wasn't a vampire. Because he wasn't a monster.

"There's enough caribou for both of us," I said in response to his questions, flashing him a quick smile before I darted off in the trees, following the trail the fleeing caribou had left. Edward was right behind me, letting me take the lead. So far I'd only hunted with Esme and I was still trying to reconcile the motherly, caring Esme with the one who'd taken down a full grown grey wolf. Of course I'd known intellectually that she must be just as capable a hunter as the rest of us, but the ease with which she'd tracked the animal and killed it had shocked me. Or maybe it was the fact that she'd picked a grey wolf as prey. I avoided them for obvious reasons.

I had no difficulty at all imagining Edward doing the same, as gracefully as he did everything else. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious. I knew that there were better hunters then me. It had been two years since I was changed and I still came home with ruined clothes after almost every hunt.

The scent of the caribou herd thickened as we approached. They were restless, their hearts thudding violently. The adrenalin their bodies had released was like a drug, tangy and delicious and unable to resist. I went for a female this time, moving too fast for her to even think of bolting. I was on her back before she could cry out, my weight forcing her down into the snow. I was vaguely aware of Edward rushing past me, then the blood streaming down my throat was all I could think about.

I didn't tear his shirt, but I seriously doubted the blood I'd managed to get on the front would ever come out. Then again, a bucket of bleach should do the trick.

"You're a much neater eater than I am," I commented as we buried the carcasses underneath a tree. I peered around the trunk at Edward, who didn't have a drop of blood on his skin.

"Years and years of practice," he replied with a smile, tossing the last of the bodies down the hole. I rightened the tree and it sunk back into the ground with a sigh, its branches swinging softly and showering me with snow.

We walked through the forest in companionable silence after that, neither of us very thirsty anymore. "Edward," I said after a while, hesitantly, "may I ask you something?"

"Of course." Edward smiled encouragingly.

"Do you…" My voice faltered. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer, although I knew already what he would say. What could he say? "Do you think I'm a monster?" I whispered.

Edward spun around so quickly I barely saw him move. "No, of course I don't think that!" he replied softly, clearly disturbed that I'd even ask such a question. "What makes you think that I would?"

"Because I feel like a monster," I said bitterly. The distance between us was almost non-existent now. Just one more step and I'd be able to wrap my arms around him.

"Because of Lambert?" Edward asked. "Bella, nobody blames you for killing him. To be honest, if you hadn't, I would have, for the way he was thinking about you." His voice turned flat with barely contained fury. I shuddered at the memory of what I'd glimpsed in Lambert's mind. It had been humiliating, degrading. I'd intended to let him walk away despite of what he'd done, but as his minds content had spilled over into my own, I'd lost what little control I'd had over my rage.

"I know that you don't," I replied. "I feel very sorry for his wife and daughter, but I'm glad he's gone, callous as that makes me sound. But that's not… That's not…" I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him when I said it, although it was stupid. If anyone would understand how I felt, then Edward.

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?" he asked very softly, understanding in his voice. I felt his hands first on my shoulders, then on my face, his fingers brushing gently over my cheeks.

I leaned into his touch despite myself. "Yes," I said just as softly. "Yes, I did." I'd only hinted at it when I'd told Jake, knowing he wouldn't understand and afraid he'd no longer be able to see me as just Bella. Then again, I wasn't just Bella anymore. No matter how humanised and civilised I was, at the end of the day I was still a vampire. A predator. A killer. A monster. But I was a 'good' vampire. I didn't prey on humans and I certainly didn't kill them, but for a moment so brief it couldn't be measured I'd revelled in Lambert's panic as he realised he was about to die. The thrill had been intoxicating while it lasted, then it had given way to despair. That wasn't who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be a monster, but I was.

"I felt the same way about myself for a very long time," Edward admitted. "Sometimes I still do. But then I look at you and I know that I can't be a soulless monster like I always thought I was because that would mean that you are too. And you're not. You could never be a monster, Bella." He sighed. "It took me a very long time to accept that the thrill I feel when I kill is part of my nature, no matter how hard I pretend otherwise. But I realised that this doesn't make me—or you, for that matter—a monster. You didn't kill Lambert for the thrill of it. You killed him because of his actions, because he hurt you and because he humiliated you. And that's why you're not a monster. It may be a small difference, but I've come to realise that this is what really matters. That we fight who we are every day and don't give in. And," his lips brushed across my ear, "you can't be a monster. I refuse to believe that, just as I refuse to believe that you don't have a soul anymore."

I didn't open my eyes. He was so close and I wanted him to kiss me, but… Edward took the decision whether or not I should kiss him away from me. His lips touched mine, warm and soft and smooth.

"Don't," I whispered, looking away.

He hesitated.

"I want to," I admitted, coarsely. "But I can't. Not until…" I swallowed. If I was so obviously drawn to him, then why couldn't I forgive him? The thought of an existence without him was unbearable and yet I hesitated. Why was I tormenting myself? "I don't want to hurt you," I said softly.

"I don't care," he whispered in response, his voice husky, and then he pressed his lips against mine, cupping my face in his hands. It was a soft, gentle kiss, not at all like the one we'd shared in Chicago. His lips parted ever so slightly and I tasted him on my tongue, his sweet lilac scent threatening to overwhelm my senses. It was so very irresistible. I ignored the voice in my mind that was screaming at me to stop, that was insisting I was making a mistake. I couldn't. This was so very different from the way he'd kissed me when I was human. He no longer had to fear he'd kill me in a moment of carelessness, no longer had to keep his lips sealed so I wouldn't come in contact with his venom. I tasted that too, a trace of metallic bitterness amidst the sweetness that was Edward. Heat started to spread through my body, pooling in the pit of my stomach.

I pressed my palms against his naked chest, suddenly very aware that there was only a thin layer of fabric between us. I was also vaguely aware that there was a reason why I hadn't wanted him to kiss me, but I couldn't remember. I moulded my body into his, pushing him down into the snow. He untangled his right hand from my hair, his fingers travelling over my cheek, my throat and down to my shoulder. The tingling sensation they left in their wake caused the fire in my stomach to flare. I felt—and smelled—his body respond and pressed myself even closer against his frame.

It was his palm against the curve of my breast that brought reality back abruptly.

I leaned back, dazed and shocked, and Edward's hand slid instantly away. He was breathing raggedly underneath me, his left hand still entangled in my hair and his eyes wide and darkened with desire.

"I'm sorry, love," he rasped, blinking rapidly. I didn't think he even noticed his use of the endearment for the second time today. "I didn't… I didn't mean…"

I'd never seen Edward speechless and I felt the corners of my mouth twitch into a tiny smile. "I know," I whispered, reaching for his hand and gently freeing it from my hair. "Neither did I. But I'm the one who should apologise."

"No!" As Edward sat up, I suddenly became acutely aware of his hardness, and, by the startled and ashamed look on his face, so did he. I quickly slid off his lap. The heat in my stomach refused to subside. "No," Edward repeated, more gently. "I wanted to kiss you, remember?"

"Edward," I began without really knowing what to say. _Why is it so hard to forgive?_ I wondered, frustrated. I wanted to be with Edward so badly, but I couldn't say the words that would make the wall that held us apart disappear. "Let's go," I finished eventually. "I need to change before we go to Denali."

oOo

"The question," Carlisle said, "is where this leaves us."

"We stick with the original plan," Jasper replied. "We send Bella after her. If Eleazar's right, she won't see her coming and Alice will have a way of monitoring Victoria's actions via Bella."

"That never was a _plan_," Edward said flatly. Although the idea that I go after Victoria once we knew where she was had been his, he seemed reluctant to follow through with it now. "It was only an idea and we haven't even thought about it properly!"

"Alice, Eleazar and I did," Jasper said calmly. "At length. Eleazar's insight in regard to Victoria's gift was immensely helpful. He believes Victoria won't realise that Bella is hunting her instead of walking into a trap. And as long a none of us actively decides to go after her, we should be able to follow Bella as far as Idaho without Victoria realising what's really going on."

"If she's still in Montana, that is," Eleazar put in. "We don't know that for sure."

"I have Jen monitoring her phone," Jake replied, his forehead creased in concentration. "She wasn't exactly happy that I asked her to, but she'll do it."

I huffed. Edward, who was sitting beside me on the sofa, arched his eyebrows, as did Jasper and Eleazar. "That's an understatement if I ever heard one," I said. "I was there when Jake called her and she shouted at him for nearly five minutes before he could even ask her to have Victoria's phone traced," I explained. "Then she shouted at him some more when he told her that he needed regular updates as to where she is."

"Jen definitely is a hot-head," Embry said from his perch on the balcony railing, grinning broadly. He still refused to be in the same room with more than three vampires at a time, but at least he was in human form. That would have been unthinkable up until a few days ago, just as I would never have imagined Rosalie of all people half sitting on Seth's lap. She was wedged in between him and Esme, with Carlisle on Esme's other side, on a sofa that hadn't been designed to hold more than three—and rather slim—people.

I was glad she'd found a friend, because even though Emmett was no longer pretending that she didn't exist and ignoring her whenever they happened to be in the same room, it was obvious to all of us that he was still mad at her. Jasper had shoved the armchair he and Alice had chosen as far away from Emmett as the room would allow, but he still cringed every so often and I could only imagine what kind of emotion Emmett must be giving off at the moment. It couldn't be pleasant. The rest of her family, however, had forgiven her, even Alice. She still didn't talk to Rosalie more than absolutely necessary, but her anger had evaporated.

"That she is," Jake agreed. "I just hope she won't tell Charlie. I was afraid that if I asked her she'd go straight to him. She's a bit of a stickler where rules are concerned, you know, at least when it comes to covering her own backside."

"What if she does?" Esme asked, concerned.

Jake grimaced. "If she does, then Charlie will probably call and want to know what I'm up to, given that I'm supposed to be on vacation and not working. Especially since we have absolutely zero jurisdiction up here."

"Does Charlie know where you are?" I'd never asked Jake what he'd said to my father before he'd left Forks. Speaking—or even hearing of him—was painful despite the fact that I'd long since accepted that I'd never see him again.

Jake shook his head. "Don't think so. Dad knows and he also knows I'm with you, but he won't tell. We have enough problems as it is and don't need to add Charlie to that list. If he knew where you are, he'd fly straight up here."

"So Victoria's in Montana," Emmett said, drawing the conversation back to the reason we'd had assembled for in the first place. "Do we know where exactly?"

"Helena. At least that's where she called from this morning. Personally, I don't think she's in the city. There are several national parks where she could hide out without anyone ever crossing her path, especially in winter. If I'd assembled an army, that's where I'd be."

"I'm inclined to agree," Jasper said. "I also think you're right about that army of hers. If I were her, I'd keep at least have a dozen vampires with me at all times for protection. That shouldn't be a problem for Bella, but it could be one for us. There are fifteen of us, including the wolves, and while the most of us will be much older than the majority of the vampire Victoria has created and thus more experienced, that's no guarantee that we'll be able to defeat her. Or," he added, his voice suddenly very serious and his arm tightening around Alice's waist, "that everyone of us will make it out alive."

The silence that followed Jasper's words was charged. On some level, we all were already aware of what could happen, but nor that Jasper had said it out loud, it seemed much more real. Edward reached for my hand, holding it tightly. Carmen, standing beside Eleazar, sneaked her arm around his waist, pulling him close. Esme placed her head against Carlisle's shoulder. Kate and Tanya, their pale faces illuminated by the orange glow of the fireplace, huddled closer. Seth, Embry and Jake exchanged a meaningful look. Only Rosalie and Emmett didn't even glance at each other.

Fear slithered down at the prospect of losing a member of my family, but their deaths would be mercifully quick if they were killed. There was no telling what Victoria would do to me in her desire to avenge her dead mate, how far she'd go before she killed me. Victoria had been after me for so long that it was unlikely she'd be satisfied by just tearing me apart and watching me burn.

If I said I wasn't scared, I'd be lying.

I felt Jasper touch me with his gift, a crushing wave of confidence and courage and love. I gave him a tiny grateful smile.

"Do you think," Seth said, very slowly, "that Sam would help us, by any chance? I mean, this is his chance to get back at the vamp who's been harassing us for ages. He wouldn't pass it up, would he?"

Jake shrugged. "I don't think so, but you never know with Sam. I'll give him a call as soon as we're done here. That would almost double our numbers."

"I will help as well," a voice said from the hallway. A moment later Irina appeared in the doorway, her shoulders squared and her hands fists at her side. She smiled weakly as we all looked at her. "Victoria took Laurent away from me and for that I want her dead." Kate and Tanya moved apart so that Irina could sit between them. They slid their arms around each other, the three sisters once again united. Irina didn't notice the uncomfortable look Embry and Jake exchanged. I wondered if she'd still agree to help us if she knew that the two of them were, along with Sam, responsible for Laurent's death and decided not to bring it up. She deserved to know, but it wouldn't change the fact that he was gone. And, in a way, she was right—if Victoria hadn't asked Laurent to spy on me for her, he'd still be alive.

"When should Bella leave for Montana?" Jake asked now. "If we have to coordinate with Sam's pack, we'll need at least three or four days, depending on how cooperative it is. It would also be a good idea if Bella did something about her, um, fighting skills before we send her into the lion's den."

I glared at him. "You know, I am perfectly aware of the fact that I suck at fighting. There's no need for you to keep bringing it up, Jacob."

Jake's response was a broad grin.

"We should also give your shield another try, Bella," Kate put in. "The chance that you are actually going to master it is very slim, but we should at least attempt to cover all our bases. Do you know how you accessed it this morning?"

I'd given only a brief account of what had happened at the hospital today, including the role I'd played in Lambert's death. I'd also told Kate that I thought I'd used my shield, but I'd left out the tiny little detail of its side effect. I wasn't sure why I hadn't brought it up yet. Maybe I was subconsciously afraid of even more pressure when they learned that my shield had at least the potential to be offensive as well as defensive, provided I was close enough to someone whose ability it could mirror. Besides, Kate was right. I seriously doubted I'd get the hang of it any time soon.

I hadn't forgotten about Liv. How could I? But with every passing day the chance of her being still alive grew smaller. I wasn't ready to give up on her. Not yet. But rushing, as Jake had put it, in the lion's den without being properly prepared would mean certain death for me and I couldn't help her if I was gone.

"No, not really," I said in reply to Kate's question, shaking my head. "I was furious though. Maybe that triggered it."

"Does Victoria suspect our involvement in Lambert's death?" Eleazar asked. "If she does, we may not have as much time as we'd like."

"No, she doesn't," Alice replied confidently. "In fact, she'll be as convinced that it was suicide as everyone else. The news has already broken the story. It'll only be a matter of time until Victoria sees it. She'll think he killed himself because she pushed him so hard. According to my vision we'll be good for a week or so. That should give us enough time to train and coordinate with Sam's pack. Of course I can't see how that will turn out because any decision we make from this point on will include Jake's pack anyway, meaning that I will be practically blind. Again. I've been trying to find a way to work around it, but so far I haven't had much success."

I was still shocked at how easily people had believed that Lambert had killed himself. Carlisle had offered to deal with the police to avoid putting me in the centre of an investigation, for which I'd be eternally grateful. The grapevine had been buzzing with rumours as to why Lambert had jumped out his window when Jake and I had left after work. The decision to call in sick tomorrow hadn't been very hard. I couldn't face Danielle just yet, as she'd certainly want to talk about it. I couldn't face anyone else, for that matter.

"Next week, then," Jasper said, nodding slowly. "I really don't think we'll have much more time than that."

Edward's fingers tightened ever so slightly around my hand. _A week_, I thought numbly. Suddenly the deadline I'd been waiting for had arrived. But now that it had my resolve to stop Victoria once and for all vanished almost instantly, leaving only bleak fear behind. Fear of losing the ones I loved, and especially of losing Edward. Complicated as our relationship was, I wouldn't be able to bear it if I lost him again, for good this time. The thought of Edward dead made me feel physically ill.

I didn't want to lose him and still I was keeping him away from me.

I wished I could drop my defences and let him in.

**A/N: Did you like it? Do you think it's too early for them to get closer again? Review please! There are very few things better than having an in-box full of reviews in the morning!**


	32. Aftermath, Part 2

**A/N: Sorry I didn't upload yesterday as promised. I was completely exhausted by the time I got home and just wanted to go to bed. Here it is now and I hope you like what I come up with for Bella's shield.**

**Thanks so much to all who've reviewed, alerted to me or added Lifelines to their favourites lists. That means so much to me. A very special thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW, who made some very valuable comments about Bella.**

**Someone asked for the hunting/kissing scene written from EPOV. I think it's a brilliant idea and I'm on it. I'll post it as an outtake as soon as it's done!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

32. AFTERMATH, PART 2

BELLA

_And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't_

_So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road_

_And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope_

_Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine_

Over the next few days we developed some sort of routine. In the morning Jake and I would go to work, with the exception of the day following Lambert's death. Jake would call his fellow deputy around noon to inquire as to whether Victoria was still in Montana. In the late afternoon, after Alice and Jasper got home from school and Jake and I from work, we'd practice fighting.

Jasper's training schedule included us all. Of course, the others didn't need to practice as much as I did, but Jasper obviously believed that my motivation to try harder would be higher if I wasn't constantly singled out. If so, he'd neglected to consider the somewhat demoralising effect of being beaten every single time. It was one thing to lose against Edward, but quite another to be defeated by Esme, who wasn't the strongest and most skilled fighter. I spent one memorable evening being chased around by Eleazar, Jasper, Edward and Emmett. My defensive skills had greatly improved by the end of that day, but the experience hadn't been at all pleasant. That Edward had contritely apologised half a million times for almost ripping my arm off in a moment of carelessness, the same arm that had already been torn off once, hadn't made things any better.

At night Kate and I wrestled with my shield. Or rather I did. There wasn't much that Kate could do besides watching and giving the occasional pep talk when I wanted to give up. After the second night she included Edward, as without his help I wouldn't have been able to tell if my shield was working. Using my shield in the past, I knew I'd done so only because Edward had happened to be nearby and I'd been able to read his mind as soon as he was under it. Kate was my practice target now, however. If I successfully shielded her, Edward would no longer be able to hear her thoughts. As a result, Kate was practically hugging me while I was at it, to make it as easy as possible.

The problem was that I had absolutely no clue what to do. I tried to access the shield by conjuring up the fury I'd felt the day of Lambert's death—or the fear of losing Edward in Chicago—and while I could both feel and see the extra layer around my mind now that I knew it was there, I was unable to grasp it and pull it outward over Kate. It was frustrating as well as mentally exhausting.

Sunday night, four days before I was scheduled to depart, Alice, Jake, Seth, Rosalie and Carmen joined us as well, as further encouragement. I didn't need any more encouragement—what I needed was someone to tell me how the hell this blasted shield worked—but I didn't say so because even though I knew they wouldn't really be able to help, I was still grateful for their support and for the fact that they believed in me when I didn't.

"It's not working, Kate," I said rather plaintively after what felt like hours, resisting the urge to wipe non-existent sweat off my forehead. I felt weary to my bones. I knew the exhaustion was only a figment of my imagination, but at this moment I wanted nothing more than take a long, hot bath and curl up in bed to wallow in self-pity.

"Don't give up now, Bella!" Kate replied encouragingly. "You're almost there. I know it!"

I bit back a sharp comment. Kate didn't know my shield any better than I did and had no idea whether or not I was making any progress. As she didn't deserve to be snapped at though, I held my tongue. She only wanted to help. That's what they all wanted.

"Oh please," Rosalie said, in a seething tone I hadn't heard from her in days. I looked up, surprised, and found her features distorted with contempt. "How hard can it be?"

"Rose," Kate hissed, looking over her shoulder at our audience. "This isn't helping!"

"No, it's not," Seth muttered, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Well, what you're doing isn't helping either," Rosalie retorted. Placing her hands on her hips, she gave me a disdainful look. "Maybe she's just not trying hard enough."

I ground my teeth together. Of all the days to pick a fight with me, Rosalie had to choose today. "It's not as easy as it may look to you, Rosalie," I snapped.

Something that I couldn't identify flickered in Rosalie's amber eyes.

"I don't think so," she replied coldly. "I think you just don't _want_ to use it. I think you don't give a damn whether or not you can protect us from Victoria's vampires. I also think that you've already given up on your friend. You're still as weak as you were as a human, Bella. That much hasn't changed."

"Rosalie!" Carmen gaped at her, shocked.

Rosalie shrugged, regarding me with cold eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded, taking a step towards her. In my peripheral vision, I saw Edward shift his weight ever so slightly.

"Are you seriously asking what's wrong with _me_?" Rosalie huffed, incredulous. "I don't want to get killed because of your incompetence, that's what's wrong, Bella."

_You're not going to snap, you're not going to snap, you're not going to snap._ I repeated these words over and over again, like a mantra. Rosalie and I had got along so well ever since our conversation in the forest. I didn't understand what had changed. Was it really just her fear of dying?

"Do you know what I think?" Rosalie sneered.

"Enlighten me," I grated.

"I think you're so afraid of making a decision in regard to Edward that you'd rather he die, so that you won't have to choose."

That did it. I didn't know what had got into Rosalie, but I would not allow her to talk to me like that. To even imply I _wanted_ Edward dead! "How dare you?" I screeched, launching myself at her. Under different circumstances I might have acted differently, more controlled. But the constant stress of the last two days finally took its toll and swept me under like a tidal wave. All I wanted was to scratch the sneer off Rosalie's beautiful face.

Alice and Edward tackled me simultaneously.

"It's okay," Edward whispered over and over again as he held me pinned to the ground, flinching slightly when my fingers brushed his. "It's okay. Calm down, Bella. Rose didn't mean any of the things she said. She just wanted to make you angry enough to trigger your shield and it worked! Everyone's minds disappeared for a moment. Calm down."

Rosalie's face suddenly appeared in my field of vision. "I'm so sorry," she said contritely. "That last part was a low blow and I know it. I'm really, really sorry."

"Take a deep breath," Edward advised quietly.

I did as told. The fury evaporated almost instantly, disappearing as quickly as it had come. Edward moved out of the way so that I could sit up. His hand remained on my shoulder, however, trying to reassure me.

"I'm so sorry," Rosalie repeated as she squatted down beside me. "Please believe that I didn't mean it."

"I believe you," I said coarsely, drawing another deep breath. "Did I hurt you?" I asked Edward.

His lips curved into a smile, clearly relieved I was in control again. "No, not really. Just a tiny shock. It was a lot worse when I asked Kate for a demonstration. Bella's shield seems to have an interesting side effect," Edward said in response to some unspoken question. "Shielding me, she is able to read my mind as well as the minds of others, provided they are relatively close. Just now her shield enabled her to use Kate's gift."

"It's involuntary, though," I added quietly, "and I don't think I could control it, even with a lot of practice. That's why I didn't tell you, Kate. It didn't think it would make any difference."

"So you really shocked him?" Kate asked curiously.

"It was more of a tickle, really," Edward replied. He pulled me up with him, gently brushing the snow off my back. "I don't know if the shock would have been stronger if she'd shielded you for longer than just the fraction of a second. To be honest, I don't want to find out."

Kate laughed at Edward's grimace. "Well, that I understand. One demonstration is enough after all. Come on, Bella, one more time. If it still doesn't work, we'll call it a night. The girls and I planned to go swimming anyway and I think a distraction would be good for you."

"Swimming?" I asked dubiously. "Where?"

Kate laughed again, her eyes sparkling. "The ocean, of course. I'm sure you'll love it."

"I don't even own a bathing suit."

"Yes, you do," Alice put in, somewhat exasperated. "Have you even _looked_ in your closet since the two of you came back from Chicago?"

I rolled my eyes at Alice, and Edward chuckled. "Come on," he said, grasping my elbow to steer me back into the centre of the small clearing. "Just one more time. What did you feel before you lunged at Rose?"

"I was furious," I replied and closed my eyes, hoping that would help me to remember. Rosalie's words had stung and the fury that had gripped me had been a blazing spark in my mind, so bright that everything else had gone blank for a moment. I also remembered a distinct, almost audible _snap_, as if something held back by a rubber band had suddenly sprung free. Was that my shield? It reminded me of Chicago, where I'd experienced something similar.

I saw it, this unyielding layer that wouldn't allow me to grasp it. It hung around my mind like a veil, shimmering slightly whenever I focused my attention on it. Somehow the fury had freed it from whatever held it in place, so I concentrated on that, tried to remember the feeling.

The surface of my shield rippled ever so slightly.

I held very still. This was the first time I'd consciously influenced it. I tugged at the fury that felt hollow because it wasn't real now and was rewarded with another ripple. I absently realised that I was holding my breath. This strange rippling sensation was hard to describe. I felt as well as saw it now and, as I skirted around the edges of the shimmering veil, I finally discovered the chain that anchored it to my mind. Although it didn't look like a chain. It didn't look like anything, was invisible. I was only aware of it because the remaining sparks of fury drifted around the base of the anchor. Reaching for it, I memorised the feeling so that I'd find it again and then followed it up to where it was connected to the veil. As I pushed gently, I realised I'd gone about it all wrong. I'd tried to pull it away from my mind, but I needed to push!

I laughed, delighted. How could I have missed this? I reached blindly for Edward and my hand found his. I needed to know where to push my shield. I tried to lift it away from my mind and the shield's surface rippled again, stronger than before, but didn't budge. The invisible chain tinkled softly.

I frowned. Obviously, I was doing something wrong. As I drifted up the chain to examine its connection to the shield, I noticed that there wasn't just a single layer. There were two, but they were so close to each other that they looked like one. Somehow I managed to crawl in between, the outmost layer rippling violently when I touched it. I gave it a shove and was so surprised when it suddenly gave way that I almost lost my concentration.

I directed it to where Edward was standing. I had no idea how to make it wrap itself around his mind. I could push it where I wanted it to go with brute force, but how could I mould it? I knew it was possible. I just didn't know how to make it do what I wanted. The first time I'd spread my shield over Edward I'd sensed him—or his life force, to be precise—in the back of my mind. I hoped I would this time as well because if I didn't, I had no way of knowing whether or not I was shielding him. I hadn't sensed Kate, had I? But maybe the nanosecond that I'd shielded her had been too brief for me to really register her.

All of a sudden the shield slipped away from me. For a moment I thought I'd lost my grip on it, that it was contracting like a muscle, but instead it continued to rush forward, as if something was pulling at it. It settled over Edward's mind with a sigh and suddenly I could feel him in my mind again. The bright light that represented his life force wasn't a part of me and yet there was a sense of _rightness_ about his presence in my mind. In my mind, I saw the veil hovering loosely over his light. Would I still see it if I opened my eyes? I didn't dare try, afraid I'd lose control.

Images and sounds tumbled into my mind and half coherent thoughts that made no sense to me. I frowned. It was too much, not at all like before, because the first time I'd looked into Edward's mind all I'd seen was darkness. It had changed since then and while the blackness had been disturbing, it had also been much less disorienting.

Suddenly the influx on information was cut off.

_Better?_

The voice was unmistakably Edward's and yet it sounded different. Closer somehow. I didn't hear it so much as feel it.

I nodded very, very slowly.

The veil fluttered indignantly, but stayed where it was.

_I've never communicated with someone this way before_, Edward mused and I felt his amusement echo in the back of my mind. _It's strange. But nice. More private._

"True," I breathed.

_I still can't read your mind though_, Edward continued. _I wonder why that is._

I shrugged. The first layer, the one closest to my mind, was still in place. Maybe that was what kept Edward from hearing my thoughts.

_What about the others? Can you hear their thoughts too?_

"No," I whispered. "What about you?"

_I do hear them, but I don't want to distract you. I tuned it down to background chatter. Let's try something. _Edward turned to look at Rosalie and beckoned her closer with his free hand. The others were exchanging curious glances. This was new for them as well. Rosalie was smiling excitedly as she moved beside Edward.

_Bella?_

Rosalie's voice drifted into my mind, accompanied by so many pictures and sounds that I lost focus. The part of the shield still hovering protectively around Edward's mind snapped back with so much force that I staggered back. Edward tightened his hold on my hand to keep me from falling.

"Ouch," I gasped. My ears were ringing.

"That was amazing, Bella!" Kate exclaimed as she threw herself around my neck, hugging me tightly. "It took me forever to find out how my gift works and you did it in just under a week!"

"I guess I was motivated," I muttered, smiling faintly. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to be as happy about my success as everyone else seemed to be. I never imagined I'd achieve this much this fast and while I was glad that I had, I was also aware that my shield probably wouldn't be of any use when I went after Victoria. Its range was so limited and required so much concentration that I seriously doubted I'd be able to shield someone while I was fighting, especially since the latter was still harder for me than it should have been. Fighting was supposed to be natural for a vampire—at least that's what Jasper kept telling me—but that definitely wasn't the case with me.

I met Edward's eyes over the crown of Kate's head. His face told me that he knew what I was thinking—probably because he was thinking the same. He didn't tell me that it would be fine and for that I was grateful. I knew that even if I'd spend every single hour of the next four days training, it wouldn't make much difference. If any. Victoria was older, more experienced. The only reason I was training in the first place was to survive long enough for the cavalry to arrive.

This aspect of our plan was the one I liked least. I would offer myself up to Victoria by going to Helena, hoping she'd take the bait without suspecting we were on to it. I'd already made the decision and Alice had seen me get 'caught' at the airport and taken away by two unknown vampires. Alice was certain that Victoria wouldn't realise that it was her who'd be walking into a trap instead of the other way around. Unfortunately, this was all the information that Alice could give us at this point. Since Victoria's gift seemed to rely solely on someone's decision to go after her, we—or rather the others, as my shield seemed to hide me from her radar—had to be very careful with any decision that we made regarding Victoria. As Jake and Sam's pack would be with us anyway, we wouldn't be able to rely on Alice's visions. That meant that we didn't have to decide anything to see how things would turn out. But at some point a decision would have to be made. Hopefully, Victoria wouldn't picked up on it, if it was _me_ the others decided to go after, even if I happened to be close to her at the time.

We were all aware that there was a chance it wouldn't work, that one of us would slip, that Victoria would feel the danger and bolt. Then again, maybe it wouldn't if she believed she'd get a chance to kill me and make it out alive. She'd have to kill Edward as well though. If I died at her hands, Edward would hunt her relentlessly and she'd be on the run for the rest of her existence.

I knew that with absolute certainty because I would do the same if it was the other way around.

I didn't think that any of us were particularly happy with our plan. There were too many variables, too many things we had no control over. None of us really knew Victoria or could even begin to guess what was going on inside her head. How far would she go in her desire to avenge James? That we couldn't rely on Alice's guidance this time made Victoria even more unpredictable.

"…that swim?" Alice's voice abruptly cut off that unpleasant train of thought. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

I blinked. "Huh?"

"I don't think she was listening, _pequeña_," Carmen said. "Would you like to go swimming with us, Bella?" she asked me, smiling. "I promise it will be fun. It always is," she added with a wink.

I was about to say that I'd rather stay at home, then I remembered what Kate had said. _I think a distraction would be good for you_. She was right. I did need a distraction. If I spent any more time thinking about Victoria or our admittedly crazy plan, I'd go insane.

oOo

I dove to the ocean floor, aided by the weight of the water above me. I found the semi darkness and the total silence calming and I just let myself carry away by the underwater currents. It had never occurred to me to go swimming in the ocean, maybe because some part of me still hadn't shaken the fear of drowning, even if it was no longer possible. My lips twitching into a smile, I drifted through the water. I was glad I'd come along. Kate had been right. I badly needed a distraction, especially after the rush of the past few days. The complete absence of sound was very soothing.

The underwater landscape stretching out before me was also one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I'd read about it in articles and I'd probably seen three or four documentaries about it, but seeing the gigantic mountain range I was slowly drifting through with my own eyes was different and much, much more exciting. I felt so tiny compared to the mountains around me, so insignificant. Down here, in the middle of the Bering Sea, the world above didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I wished I could stay here forever, lose myself in the vastness of the sea and only emerge to feed. Nobody would ever find me down here.

Three strong strokes carried me to the edge of a gorge that ran so deep that even my keen eyes couldn't see the bottom—the blackness was absolute. Would I still be able to see if I went down there? Or would I be blind? Deciding to find out, I plunged down into the darkness. My swimming technique left a lot to be desired and I was barely making any progress despite my superhuman strength. Walls of black rock slowly rose on either side of me. It was beautiful as well as threatening, and I was aware that no human would ever see what I was seeing right now. Not with their own eyes. The pressure was too strong, would literally crush a human's fragile body to dust. Even I could feel it. As I ventured deeper, what little air was left in my lungs seemed to be squeezed right out of me. Turning around, I discovered, surprised, that I was already much deeper down that I had thought. A thin line of dark blue tinged with purple was all that was left of the ocean's surface.

Suddenly a shadow glided over the mouth of the gorge, momentarily blocking out the faint moonlight. I edged back until my elbows grazed the canyon wall and dug my fingers into the smooth, slick rock for purchase. Animals scuttled hastily away from me to hide in the darkness below. Completely motionless, I squinted up. A shark maybe? Or a whale? Instinctively I inhaled, forgetting that I was underwater, and chocked as the salt water shot up my nose and down my throat. The reaction was reflexive and unnecessary. Apparently, some things were impossible to get rid of.

The water in my mouth tasted strange, alive with hundreds of different flavours. Or fragrances? It was difficult to discern between what was smell and what was taste. Then again, underwater it probably amounted to the same thing. The scent-taste of violets and honey was the strongest I was able to make out. I pushed away from the rock and began paddling up, having trouble to stay on course because of the current. Rosalie met me halfway, her hair floating around her head like a halo. In the dark water it appeared almost white. I grabbed Rosalie's outstretched hand and let her tow me back to the surface. Even swimming with only one arm she was faster than me, cutting through the water like a dolphin.

We resurfaced in the middle of nowhere. We were so far away from the shore that the only thing to see for miles and miles was water and a tiny grey and brightly illuminated dot that I assumed was a ship. I couldn't hear or smell any of the others.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Rosalie asked. Ice crystals had blossomed on her hair and face as soon as we'd emerged, sparkling in the moonlight. The water was so cold that it would have frozen, if it hadn't been moving constantly. "We usually come out here a few times a month."

"It's peaceful," I replied. "Thanks for inviting me."

Rosalie smiled slightly. "Thanks for coming along. I wasn't sure you would after…" She frowned down at the water, absently brushing her fingers over the ice flowers in her hair. "I didn't mean what I said earlier, Bella. I'm sorry."

"You already apologised," I said softly, touched by Rosalie's remorse. A few days ago I wouldn't have believed her capable of that emotion and certainly not where I was concerned. "It's okay. I understand why you said it. If you hadn't, I probably wouldn't have figured out how my shield works."

"I'm glad you see it that way," Rosalie replied. Then she fell silent and I got the impression that she wanted to talk to me about something else entirely, that an apology for something I'd already forgiven her for hadn't been the reason to come looking for me.

"What is it?" I asked.

Rosalie's lips twitched. "Was I that obvious?"

I smiled. "Yes."

"Well, then I'd better just say it. It's none of my business though and I'll understand if you don't want to talk about it. It's… about Edward. Or about you and Edward, to be exact."

Did I want to talk about that with Rosalie? No, I didn't. I didn't want to talk about that with anyone, but maybe another perspective would be helpful. I'd hit a wall where Edward was concerned. I seemed to be incapable of getting over the fact that he'd lied to me, but I also couldn't let go. I felt closer to him than I had ever before and it wasn't fair to leave him hanging like that. Despite what he'd done, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. Part of me wanted to heed Carlisle's advice and forgive him so that we could have our happily ever after. But there was another part, the one that had been scarred so badly by his betrayal, that refused to yield. Reconciling them seemed impossible.

"Go on," I said softly, inviting Rosalie to continue.

"I told you I didn't mean what I said earlier and that's true," Rosalie said slowly. "But I have been wondering what's keeping you from forgiving him. He's trying to change. He already _has_ changed for you and you know how hard that is for our kind."

"I know, Rose," I said quietly. "I know he has. I also know that he's still beating himself up over what he did to me. What I saw in his mind in Chicago… It was horrible. So much darkness and so much despair. It's better now, I think, but I'm not an idiot. I realise that if I don't forgive him, it'll destroy him. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve that. At the same time, I can't get over his betrayal. He says he loves me and yet he walked away. It was so easy for him to leave me."

_Is that why I can't forgive him? _I wondered. It hadn't occurred to me before that it was fear that held me back, but now that I'd said it out loud I suddenly realised that it was. Rosalie had been right after all. I was afraid. If I forgave him, if I opened myself to him and he left me again, it would destroy me. _He wouldn't do that_, a voice whispered. Wouldn't he? He'd already left me once. He could leave me again, anytime he chose.

"It wasn't," Rosalie said. "Easy for him to leave you, I mean. He was a mess when Emmett and I found him in Siberia. Alice had had a vision about Victoria, and Edward wasn't answering his phone, so Esme asked Emmett to bring him home. I tagged along, to gloat I guess. I'm not very proud of that now. I really thought he'd gone insane. Emmett and I had to chase him across the forest and when we finally had him, we didn't let go of him until we were home. He looked horrible. Broken.

"At the time, I hated him for what he did. He tore us apart. Esme almost never smiled and Jasper was always on edge because of Alice. I don't hate him anymore because I've realised how hard it was for him to leave you. I don't have to punish him for that. He'd doing a pretty good job of that himself." She smiled grimly. "My point is that leaving you was the hardest and most self-destructive thing he ever did. Do you know what I heard Tanya tell Carmen the other day? That Edward had decided to end his life as soon as he knew for certain that you were dead. He can't live in a world without you in it. He loves you too much for that. I just… I'm not saying this to pressure you. I just don't want Edward to get hurt. I know he's brought it on himself, but he's my brother and I just want our family to be whole again. That's all I ever wanted."

Rosalie fell silent after that and twisted on her back to gaze at the starry sky, floating slowly away from me. Water lapped gently against my shoulders as I pondered what she'd said. I was mortified that Edward would have killed himself had I died—and I would have eventually if I hadn't been changed. The thought of Edward dead turned my insides to ice. How could he even consider something like that? Didn't he know what it would do to his family if he was gone?

But wouldn't I do the same if Edward happened to die in the upcoming battle? I couldn't imagine living without him, not even now. He felt the same way about me, would rather die than live without me. For heaven's sake, he'd already made _plans_ so that he wouldn't have to!

_What more proof do you need? _the voice whispered. _He loves you. He's prepared to _die_ for you!_

"Bella?" Rosalie's voice interrupted my thoughts once more.

"Yes?"

"Please don't be mad at me for saying these things. I just…"

"…wanted to help," I finished for her. "I understand that and I'm not mad at you. Really, I'm not. You're looking out for Edward. I get that. I will figure it out before I leave. He deserves that much."

_How? _the voice asked. It sounded like my mother again, which was slightly disturbing—Renée wasn't one to play devil's advocate. _Do you think you'll be magically able to trust him again? _the voice continued, although only moments earlier it had demanded to know why I didn't._ Because of the deadline?_

"How's it going with Emmett?" I asked to shut the voice up. I'd figure it out, one way or the other. Just not now. "You don't have to talk about it," I added quickly, then smiled slightly as I realised that was exactly what Rosalie had said earlier. Our relationship seemed to be the exact opposite of how it had been in the beginning. I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends yet, but we were getting there. And, what was far more important, we were family.

"It's okay. I don't mind you asking." Rosalie's voice was quiet. She still lay on her back, the moonlight reflecting off her skin. "Not well," she continued, in answer to my question. "He doesn't leave the room anymore when I enter, but he still refuses to talk to me. I get that he's angry. I know I should never have said these things to Freya, but I apologised. Maybe the reason he won't forgive me is because the person who really deserves that apology isn't here to hear it. But I can't change that. I've been searching for her. I've been pestering Alice to look for her over and over again and I went as far as Newfoundland the other night although I know it's pointless. Freya could be anywhere. Or she could be dead, in which case I'll never be able to apologise." Water splashed as she kicked at it, clearly frustrated. "I don't know what to do. He's never been angry with me like that before and God knows I've given him enough reasons over the decades."

"I can talk to him if you like," I offered.

Rosalie sighed. "Don't bother. Esme and Carlisle already have. Several times. Thanks for offering though. It's really nice of you, especially considering how I acted."

"Isn't that what sisters do?"

"Yes," Rosalie said and I could hear the smile in her voice. "That's what sisters do. Thanks you, Bella. But I'm afraid I'll just have to wait for him to come around. Sometimes that's just the way it is."

**A/N: Please review! I'd love to hear what you think!**


	33. Resolved, Part 2

**A/N: **I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. I hardly dare admit that I could have posted this chapter last week. Please don't come after me with pitchforks! Here it is now and I hope you enjoy it. Sorry I didn't answer your reviews this time—I promise it was an exception. I'm very busy with my thesis right now and don't know when I'll be able to write and post the next chapter. I'm really not in the mood for writing when I have stared at the computer screen all day. Hope you'll understand!

Thank you so much, **KayMarieXW**for being such a wonderful person and a great beta! I really wouldn't know what to do without you.

Thank you to all who reviewed and alerted to me and this story. This means so much to me, you have no idea.

Enjoy!

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32. RESOLVED, PART 2

EDWARD

_Lose these shackles of pressure_

_Shake me out of these chains_

_Lead me not to temptation_

_Hold my hand hard_

_Ease my mind_

_Sweet Talk by The Killers_

I didn't want her to go.

I was aware that I was the one who'd suggested it in the first place, but it had been a spur-of-the-moment suggestion, an idea that had been barely half-formed at the time. I certainly hadn't intended for her to go alone—and even if we went as far as Idaho, she'd still be alone. A vampire could travel a distance of several hundred miles within less than five minutes. For a human five minutes were next to nothing. For a vampire, five minutes were a small eternity. Even if we were never more a few minutes away from Bella and thus Victoria, it was possible that, if worst came to worst, we'd still come too late to fight at Bella's side. The thought was a disturbing one, and if I'd paused just a second to really think it through, I'd never have suggested sending Bella in alone.

_What were you thinking?_ I asked myself, although I knew the answer to that question. I hadn't been thinking and that was the problem. I'd been so excited about having finally, finally discovered a way to track Victoria without alerting her to the fact that she was being hunted that I hadn't even considered what it would mean for Bella. I'd simply assumed I'd be with her to protect her. That wasn't an option. Although she'd practiced so hard in the past few days, she still wasn't able to project her shield more than two or three yards in diameter and probably wouldn't be for some time. It was almost a miracle that she'd achieved even this much in so little time, but it wouldn't be enough. If she couldn't shield me permanently and from a greater distance, I couldn't come with her and it was unlikely she'd learn to do that in the next two days. Her shield seemed to be like a muscle. Developing it took time.

Unfortunately, that was exactly what we didn't have. Alice was certain—well, she was _fairly_ certain, but even half blind she'd been right about everything else so far—that Victoria would begin to suspect that we'd been involved in Lambert's death after all. If the situation hadn't been so dire, I would have found Victoria's paranoia amusing. Then again, it was what had kept her alive all these years. She was nothing if not careful.

I wished I knew what Bella was thinking. She'd successfully shielded me several times, but her mind still remained a mystery to me. Bella thought that was because her shield had two layers, one that she could more or less control and one that refused to be lifted away from her mind. "Maybe it's some sort of self-preservation mechanism," she'd said with a shrug. Whatever it was, it kept me out of her head, like it always had.

If only I knew what she was thinking! Was she afraid? She had to be, but she was hiding it well, even kept her emotions in check. Jasper was impressed with her self-control. Her face was unreadable as she stood gazing into the trees, her hands clasped loosely behind her back. Two more days, then she'd have to leave. I wished there was another option.

_They're coming_, Jacob thought suddenly. The only thing betraying his anxiety, aside from his thoughts, was the twitching tip of his tail.

"Impressive," I muttered.

"What is?" Bella asked, without looking away from the trees. Absently, she brushed a strand of dark hair that had escaped from her pony tail behind her ear.

"Sam is still too far away for me to read his mind, but Jacob can," I explained.

_I wouldn't call it mind reading, exactly_, Jacob replied. _It's not like the pack link at all. I only hear what he wants me to hear. Seth and Embry can't hear his thoughts at all while we're communicating, which is strange since they should hear everything I think. _He shrugged his massive shoulders. _I can't really explain it. There have never been two alphas before Sam and me. Anyway, he just popped into my head to tell me they were leaving La Push. That's all. He's gone again. It should take them about ten minutes to get here. _He snorted. _I'm still surprised he agreed to come. I'm not very high up on his list of favourite people and neither is Bella._

"It was necessary to meet face-to-face if we want this to work," I replied. "Sam knows that and from what you told us, he wants Victoria dead just as badly as we do. Besides, it's probably a good idea for them familiarise themselves with out scents." I grinned wryly. "Just to avoid accidents."

Jacob snorted again. _True._

The sixteen of us were standing just in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees. The invisible line that separated the United States from Canada ran only a few feet in front of us, but we'd decided not to cross into Washington State before we'd talked to Sam. As far as we were concerned the treaty was still in effect, but it neither included Bella nor the Denalis and we didn't want to take any chances. Although we had a common enemy, Sam probably wouldn't hesitate to kill those of us the treaty didn't cover, true to the motto that only a dead vampire was a good vampire.

Considering his past encounters with vampire, I couldn't even blame him.

"Is the entire pack coming?" Carlisle asked. Sam had given Jacob his word that none of us would be harmed as long as we didn't do anything to threaten them, and it was this qualifier that had us all on edge. Who knew what they'd consider a threat? The only reason we'd come was because we needed them and because we trusted Sam's desire to destroy the vampire who'd been harassing him for years to be greater than his general distrust of us. It remained to be seen if that was wise.

Carlisle was hiding his anxiety well. Everyone was. Only Jasper was aware of everyone's emotional state, but he wasn't doing anything about it. Fear would make us more alert, more observant. He'd only intervene if the situation warranted it, if we were in danger of being overcome by it. We'd probably win if Sam's pack attacked us, but at what cost?

_He has no reason to attack you_, I reminded myself. _You have a common enemy. Don't be so pessimistic._

"Probably," I said in reply to Carlisle's question. "Sam didn't say though, did he?"

Jacob shook his head. _No, but it's what I'd do. I'd never face thirteen vampires without every member of my pack to cover my six. Thirteen vamps and three werewolves_, he added as an afterthought.

I nodded. "Understandable."

"Vamps?" Bella asked, glancing over her shoulder at Jacob. Her lips twitched.

_What am I supposed to call them? _Jacob rumbled. _You'd rather I call them leeches? _Ignoring Bella's arched eyebrows, he continued, _I don't like you in my head any more than him, you know._ He flicked his ears in my direction.

Seth yapped, amused. _I think it's cool. Besides, you've got us and Edward in your head already anyway._

_I'm trying to make a point here_, Jacob replied, bristling. _Is it too much to ask to respect my privacy?_

"That's pretty rich coming from you, don't you think?" Bella regarded him levelly. "Considering that you never knock before you come into my bedroom. Or the bathroom. Where there's a good chance I'm _naked_."

_Please, I've seen Leah naked hundreds of times. Nothing I haven't seen before._

Seth snickered. He was enjoying himself. Embry wisely decided to stay out of this particular conversation because he didn't want to end up on the wrong side of Bella's temper, for which we'd all developed a healthy respect in the last few days. With so much pressure on her shoulders, her supply of patience had proven to be exceedingly short. Not that any of us blamed her for that. We were all feeling the same way.

"Are you saying that I have nothing worth looking at?" Bella narrowed her eyes at him.

_Do you think I'm suicidal? _Jake retorted. _I'm not answering that question!_

"So you do think I'm unattractive?"

"If she takes a swipe at him, can I join her?" Emmett asked unexpectedly. Esme gave him a chilly look as the eagerness in his voice had been impossible to miss. She didn't know that Emmett, unusually perceptive, had made the comment solely to diffuse the tension.

_You seem to be getting better at this shielding thing_, Seth remarked to steer the conversation in a less dangerous direction. _And at reading people's minds._

"It's becoming easier to expand the shield," Bella replied. "A little easier." If she was aware of the reason behind Seth's inquiry, she didn't let on. "It's also not as difficult to control it as it was two days ago, provided that nobody distracts me. The mind reading thing…" She gave a shrug. "That only works so well because I'm only shielding Edward at the moment and read your thoughts via him. One mind is just about everything I can handle at the moment and only because Edward works very hard to keep everything he hears tuned down to background chatter. Not that that isn't distracting enough," she added.

In the beginning, I'd found the side effect of Bella's shield intriguing, as had everyone else since it had the potential to turn her purely defensive gift into a weapon—'potential' being the operative word here. Now, however, it irritated us all to no end, especially Bella. She couldn't shield either Alice or Jasper, let alone both of them simultaneously. Their gifts were simply too overwhelming and suddenly having them usually resulted in her losing control of her shield. So she mostly worked with Jacob and his pack and with those who didn't have any gifts. I was the single exception to that rule. Despite the distracting nature of my gift, she never failed to keep her shield in place around my mind—if mine was the only mind to shield, that was. I had no idea why it worked so much better with me than with everyone else and if Bella did, she hadn't shared it with anyone.

_Sam's only two minutes out_, Jacob announced suddenly. His ears swivelled towards the state line although there was very little to be heard. The forest was silent except for the nervous cooing of an owl somewhere in the branches above us and the quiet rumbling of paws thudding over the ground that, dampened by several inches of snow, sounded like distant thunder.

I relayed Jacob's message to the others and they stiffened visibly. Kate and Tanya snaked their arms around Irina's waist from either side in case they needed to hold her back. Irina didn't know which wolf was responsible for Laurent's death—and we wouldn't tell her until this was over, if ever—but there was a slim chance that, despite her promise to fight with us, she'd attack them if the opportunity presented itself. Irina was aware of that and although it stung that her family didn't trust her, she didn't object. Eleazar and Carmen stepped in front the three of them, their hands intertwined as they faced the invisible line. Jasper positioned himself so that Alice was hidden behind his back. She rolled her eyes at him, but said nothing. Emmett and Carlisle moved to cover Rosalie and Esme, something that especially Rosalie detested since she could hold her own in a fight. As she and Emmett still weren't on speaking terms however, she kept her thoughts on the matter to herself and allowed herself to hope that maybe all wasn't lost, that maybe Emmett was protecting her because he cared for her. Seth and Embry, who'd been tasked with protecting our flanks, held their positions. Bella was the only one who remained unprotected and I was torn between the need to keep her safe at all costs and the fear to offend her if I assumed she couldn't take care of herself, never mind how accurate that assumption actually was. Jacob had no such scruples. He butted Bella squarely in the chest, growling lowly for emphasis, and she stumbled back and past me, taken by surprise.

She had no time to complain as Sam's pack poured out of the trees just then. We collectively held our breaths as they took up position just behind the state line, opting for a loose triangular formation, with Sam at the point. Sam was by far the largest wolf of his pack, his jet black fur allowing him to completely merge with the darkness. When we first encountered them, the pack had been only three wolves strong. Now, two generations later, there were almost five times as many. In fact, there'd been almost six times as many wolves before Jacob, Seth and Embry had created a pack of their own.

They were making a conscious effort to appear calm and collected—and as non-threatening as possible—but not all wolves were succeeding. A slim grey wolf with white fur around her eyes and muzzle was baring her teeth at us, a suppressed growl rumbling in the back of her throat. She also kept darting quick glances at Seth to make certain he had survived the company of so many vampires unscathed—a sister worrying about her baby brother. Another wolf, also greyish and with a cream-coloured chest and belly and by far the smallest, was following her lead. The second female wasn't even trying to pretend to be unconcerned by our presence. Her ears lay flat against her skull and her fur stood in edge, making her appear larger than she really was. She was the youngest and newest member of the pack and shouldn't have been here, but she'd insisted to come along as Sam had refused to leave Quil, the wolf with fur the colour of chocolate, who stood next to her, behind. Sam usually didn't allow junior members of his pack to question his decisions, but for some reason he'd made an exception this time.

His thoughts sounded weary.

_Jacob tells me you can read our minds_, he said, looking directly at me. _Will you interpret for us?_

"Of course," I replied pleasantly. "I will relay everything you say."

Sam nodded. _Thank you. Is this your entire coven?_

"We prefer the term 'family'," I said. "And yes, we're complete. Let me introduce Eleazar and Carmen and Tanya, Kate and Irina. They're our cousins and maintain a permanent residence at Denali."

Eleazar inclined his head and Carmen smiled. Kate and Tanya tightened their hold on Irina, just to be sure.

"My father Carlisle and my mother Esme," Carlisle mirrored Eleazar's gesture, "my sisters Rosalie and Alice and my brothers Emmett and Jasper. You already know Bella, of course."

"Hi," Bella said, half-heartedly waving at Sam.

He ignored her and so did the others, except for Quil, who curled his lips back over his teeth in a wolfish grin, delighted to see her. After a moment of consideration the small female next to him did the same. Considering how hostile she'd acted only moments before, this surprised me. She seemed to like Bella quite a bit. She just didn't wanted the rest of us anywhere near her.

Sam gave a resigned sigh.

_We came to discuss the upcoming fight, but I'd like to deal with another matter first_. I got the impression that Sam wanted to get this matter, as he called it, out of the way as fast as possible. It was the source of his weariness. _Jake_, he said, _Quil wishes to join your pack._

The chocolate brown wolf wagged his tail enthusiastically.

Jacob's jaw dropped. _What?_ he asked, certain he'd misunderstand. Sam wouldn't just let Quil walk away, would he? Then again, what choice did he have if Quil really wanted to leave?

Sam snorted. _You heard me just fine. Quil no longer wants to be part of this pack and neither do Claire and Brady. They'll join yours if you let them. I don't want to give them up, but I won't stop them. I can't._

_But they'd have to leave La Push!_ Jacob protested. _Claire's only fifteen. She still goes to school! Not to mention the fact that her parents would freak if their only daughter disappeared._

"What's going on?" Bella whispered. Apparently, she wasn't listening to my thoughts anymore. Two pack minds—seventeen minds in total that I couldn't tune out as easily as my family's thoughts because of the way they were interlinked—seemed to be too much for her to handle.

"Jacob's pack is about to become larger," I explained.

Bella's eyes widened.

_No, it's not_, Jacob said hurriedly. _I'm sorry, but I don't want that kind of responsibility. That's why I was fine with you being alpha in the first place._

_That's not about what you want_, Sam replied. _It's about what's best for my pack—and yours. You accepted that responsibility when you left this pack. You'll just have to live with it. Quil, Claire and Brady don't want me as their leader. They want you. I can live with that. I can't force them to stay. Or to like me, for that matter. I learned that lesson with you._

_It's not that I don't like you_, Jacob said immediately. _We just have different… points of views where vampires are concerned. That's why I left._

Sam barked a laugh. _Very diplomatically put. Yes, I know why you left and I… understand your decision. I think it's for the best and there's a certain advantage of having two packs operating independently. That doesn't mean they'll have to leave La Push. It's their home as much as mine. Quil and Brady have their jobs and Claire, as you pointed out, has school. It's still your home as well, Jake. You know that, right?_

_Yes_, Jacob replied softly. _I know. _Then he sighed. _Well, I'm can't say that I'm thrilled—be sure to tell them that before they decide anything!—but I suppose there's nothing I can do about it, is there? Besides, it'll be nice to have Quil back._

Sam laughed again._ Glad you see it that way. Responsibility_, he continued then, on a much more somber note, _is both a privilege and a burden. But you were born an alpha and you will figure it out. We grow with our tasks._

Jacob's answer sounded rather dubious. _I hope you're right._

Four of the minds intertwined with Sam's suddenly disentangled and broke away from the shared pack link to bind themselves to Jacob's mind and then to Seth and Embry's. Just like that Jacob's pack had acquired four new members.

I frowned. Four?

_Leah?_ Seth and Jacob exclaimed simultaneously—well, actually 'whined' was the word that came to mind. I chuckled quietly.

"What?" Bella demanded to know.

"Hush," I muttered. This was like in the soap operas Alice always watched, just much more interesting and far less predictable. I didn't want to miss anything.

Leah, as it turned out, was the slim grey wolf. Given how violently she'd reacted to our presence, I would never have expected her of all people to shift her allegiance to Jacob.

_Yes, I'm happy to see you too, Jake_. The sarcasm in Leah's voice was impossible to miss. _It's mostly because of Claire. Can't really leave her all alone with you guys, can I? Don't worry_, she added before Jacob had a chance to reply. _I'll stay at La Push. I have a kid and a husband._

_Claire's not the reason you left Sam's pack_, Jacob said.

_No_, she admitted. _Sam is. But don't you act surprised! You knew I'd jump at the chance to get away from him. Things are a lot better between us than they were when I first joined his pack, but it's always been difficult. Some things are hard to forget_, she added quietly.

_I suppose_, Jacob replied dubiously. _Fine, we'll find a way to make this work. We have to, don't we? _He drew a deep breath. _Edward, would you please introduce them to the others. We still have to discuss the plan._

"Of course," I agreed. "Everyone, Jacob's pack has four new members." The wolves in question stepped forward, the little one—Claire—keeping close to Quil's side as they approached. "Quil," I gestured at him to point him out to the others and he grumbled good-naturedly as he strode directly towards Bella, eager to say hello.

"Leah."

Huffing, she joined Seth and rubbed her head on his neck before she swiftly nipped his ear to scold him for leaving without saying goodbye.

"Brady."

He was larger than both Seth and Embry, almost as large as Jacob, in fact, and had a broad, well-muscled chest. Of all the wolves present he was also the most conspicuously coloured. His fur was almost completely white, except for a touch of silvery grey on his back, his muzzle and his legs and tail.

"And this is Claire."

The little wolf, still glued to Quil's side, eyed us uneasily.

"Claire?" Bella whispered incredulously, her eyes wide with surprise. "Really?"

Claire yelped affirmatively and, giving me a wide berth, slowly crept towards Bella, who was beaming. Reaching her, Claire briefly paused, then she rose onto her haunches and placed her paws on Bella's shoulders, pressing her forehead against Bella's. The sound that escaped her throat almost sounded like a purr. Although Claire was small for a wolf, she still topped Bella by almost four inches. The only sign that she wasn't completely at ease with being this close to a vampire was her wrinkled nose—Bella's scent made her want to sneeze. Apparently, they'd been quite close before Bella was changed, which was the reason Claire wasn't the least bit afraid of her even though she was positively terrified of the rest of us.

"I've missed you too," Bella said, laughing as she ran her fingers through the fur on Claire's neck. "When did this happen?"

_Last year_, Jacob replied. _I didn't tell you because it was none of your business. Sam would have skinned me if I had and I'd have deserved it, too. None of us knew this would happen._

"Last year," I said. "They didn't expect Claire to phase."

_Could we please discuss what we came here for now?_ Sam asked, somewhat exasperated. He wasn't happy about the fact that he'd lost four pack members—especially since Leah's decision to leave had come as a total surprise—but as he couldn't change it, he was determined not to let the matter get in the way tonight.

"Certainly." I nodded. "Jasper, would you please outline our plan to Sam and his pack?"

.o0-Ô-0o.

"That went better than expected."

Jasper's statement was met with general approval. The plan had been discussed at length and Sam had made several valuable contributions, which meant he'd spent quite some time thinking about it. I hadn't expected that, but I should have. Disposing of Victoria was just as important to Sam as it was to us; he simply had different reasons for hating her.

We'd also re-negotiated the treaty. Sam had refused to include the Denalis as he didn't trust them, but he'd allowed Bella, somewhat grudgingly, to come to Forks whenever she wished as long as she stayed clear of La Push. She was, as Carlisle had pointed out, part of the family and if the treaty included Alice and Jasper—which it did—then it should also include Bella. Much to his chagrin, Sam hadn't been able to argue with that logic.

"That it did," Eleazar said. He and Carmen, running just behind Alice and Jasper, brought up the rear. As we hadn't been certain we'd make it back home before sunrise—Alice had promised another sunny day—we'd only travelled half the way on foot. The spot where we'd ditched and hidden the cars was already in sight. Transportation was still going to be a problem though. Leah and Claire had returned to La Push for now, but Brady and Quil had opted to come with Jacob. One of them would have to walk—or ride in the trunk, but I doubted any of them would fit. We really should have brought the truck.

Jacob solved the dilemma by announcing that the entire pack would run back to Anchorage. Wolves, even if the wolves in question were twice as big as a normal wolf had any right to be, were much less conspicuous than vampires that lit up in the sunlight like Christmas trees. Jacob's words, not mine, but he had a point.

As Rosalie didn't want to spend any length of time alone with me—on the way down Seth and Embry had acted as buffer—she decided to ride with Bella. They were still in the process of defining their relationship, but Rosalie had accepted Bella as family, something I'd excepted to happen eventually, but certainly not so fast.

Alice was already sitting in the passenger's seat when I got into the car, her legs curled up underneath her and a glossy fashion magazine in her lap she was quickly flipping through. Obviously, she had something on her mind she wanted to share, but she was still organising her thoughts, so I was silent as I steered the car down the narrow forest road, hitting every pothole in the process because I didn't see them underneath all that snow. The Volvo, while not exactly built for off-roading, was a sturdy car and survived relatively unscathed. Bella's Porsche, on the other hand, would probably be in serious need of repair once it reached the main road.

A snowplough must have come by a short while ago because despite the fact that it was snowing again, there was hardly any of it on the main road. I floored it and chuckled softly as a memory of Bella complaining about my driving drifted into my mind. Admittedly, a human would probably think I was suicidal driving so fast in this weather—the snow was falling hard, rushing at the windshield in a way that made you think you were travelling at warp speed. A human would have had difficulty focusing on the street instead of the hypnotic flow of the snow. That didn't apply to me, so I was free to drive as fast as I cared.

Straightening up in the seat, Alice closed the magazine and stuffed it carelessly into the leather back at her feet. She was ready to talk. I didn't like where this was heading, although the topic that Alice had in mind was certainly something we'd have to talk eventually. She intended to show me the visions she'd had about the execution about our plan. As she couldn't see our futures because of the wolves involvement, the visions were solely about Bella, and that Alice had chosen to share them with me in private filled me with dread. I wasn't going to enjoy what I'd see, that was for sure, and what Alice said next only served to heighten my anxiety.

"Please remember that what I'm about to show you is only one possible futures of many. It's not set in stone and I'm sure it'll change again before Bella leaves." She turned to face me, her features carefully arranged to hide her own concern even though I saw it plainly in her mind. "I just want you to be prepared for the…" A crease appeared between her eyes as she tried to find the right word, one that wouldn't alarm me too much.

I laughed once, a bitter, raspy sound, and felt my lips twitch into the ghost of a smile. After all this time Alice should have known better than to try and sugarcoat the content of her visions for me. "You want me to be prepared for the worst?" I asked, finishing the sentence for her.

Alice grimaced. "That's not how I would have put it, but yes."

I snorted. "It doesn't really matter how you put it. I'm not going to like it anyway, am I?"

"No," Alice replied. "I suppose not." She drew a deep breath as images began filling her mind. She didn't like them, didn't want to watch them again, but she knew I'd have to see them. I steeled myself for the worst and the steering wheel groaned softly as I tightened my grip. What was the worst Alice could possibly show me? I didn't have to search long for an answer. The image that popped into my mind hadn't come from Alice; my own imagination supplied me with it.

Bella dead because we'd been too late to save her.

An icy chill rushed through my veins and wrapped itself around my dead heart, squeezing it tight until I couldn't move, couldn't breathe anymore.

No.

NO!

That mustn't happen! If Bella died because we'd failed to protect her, I'd never forgive myself. It was a possibility I hadn't allowed myself to think about it, just like I didn't allow myself to think about the possibility that Bella might not take me back. It was pure agony and the pain clouded my vision and my mind, blinding me.

"Edward!" Alice screamed shrilly.

I blinked, abruptly back in the present. My mind cleared and I yanked the steering wheel around in time to avoid crashing into the trunk of a tree. Thankfully, there was no oncoming traffic at this time of night because the car swerved into the other lane. Turning the steering wheel hard into the opposite direction, I tried to direct the car back where it belonged, but we were too fast. The Volvo spun on its axis like a top, completely out of control, and slid over the muddy street and back towards the trees. The car folded around us like scrap metal. A human would have been dead instantly. The metal pushing and groaning and snapping around us would have broken every bone in a human's body and turned most vital organs to mush. Finally, the car, or what was left of it, was still.

"What the hell, Edward?" Alice exclaimed, craning her neck to get a proper look at my face. The force of the impact had shoved my seat back towards what had been the trunk. Her expression was furious.

"Sorry," I whispered. I tore the seat belt out of the way, then snapped the folded door out of its hinges and climbed outside. Alice simply leapt through the shattered windshield, clutching her ripped bag.

"Shoot," I heard her mutter. Her cell phone hadn't survived the accident. Mine had, so I tossed it over so that she could call Carlisle and ask him to pick us up. "I'll just have to sit on Jasper's lap then," she said, more to herself than to me, as she dialled.

While she was explaining what had happened to Carlisle, I got rid of the evidence of our accident. Besides, I didn't want to hear my father's reaction. I forbade myself to think about Bella as I walked deeper into the forest, looking for a spot to bury the mangled remains of the Volvo. Alice appeared just as I replaced the spruce I'd chosen as final resting place for my car. She wasn't angry anymore.

"I probably should have waited until we were at home," she admitted contritely, leaning against a boulder as she watched me smooth out the snow around the base of the tree. The patches of sky visible between the treetops were already turning pink. The sun was about to rise. "I'm sorry about your car."

I stared at her. I couldn't have cared less about the car right now.

"You thought I was going to show you Bella dead, didn't you?" Alice asked

"Yes," I admitted quietly without looking at her.

"Well," she paused, deliberating whether she should tell me everything, and then decided I had a right to know. "I don't know yet if she'll make it out alive. I've been trying to see further ahead, but you know how unpredictable Bella's future has become, what with Jake being so integral a part of it. That doesn't mean she'll die. It just means that I have no idea what will happen as soon as we—and that includes both packs—decide to go after Bella. I only know what will happen before."

"Show me," I said, finally looking at her. She was no longer trying to hide her apprehension regarding the visions she was about to share with me.

"Okay," she said very softly and pulled the first vision to the surface of her mind.

**A/N: **Hopefully, you won't think I'm crazy for making Claire a werewolf. But my Claire wasn't completely canon as it was, so I decided to deviate from it some more. Please review if you liked it and also if you didn't!


	34. Union

**A/N: I proudly present… the next chapter. Thank you for waiting so patiently. I hope this chapter will be worth it! A lot of people have added Lifelines to their favourites since I last updated. There have been only a few days where I didn't receive a notification and I am still overwhelmed that you love this story so much. I also received brilliant reviews for the last chapter. Thank you so much. You know I love them all, not matter if they are short or long. I always love to hear what you have to say!**

**Thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW. I wouldn't know what to do without you. You should definitely check our her stories Resonating Light and her entry for the last Canon Tour round.**

**This chapter is rather shortish and the upcoming chapters will be too, for suspension's sake. I can promise that they're going to be a lot of them though!**

**Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

33. UNION

BELLA

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_A Thousand Years by Christina Perri_

Arms folded underneath my head, I lay sprawled on the far side of the roof, gazing up at the night sky. It was snowing again, the flakes swirling softly in the wind as they fell. Earlier this afternoon the sun had put in a brief appearance, forcing me to work later than I usually would have done, but that was okay. Alice and Jasper had eyed me doubtfully when I left for work right after last night's training session was over, clearly convinced I should focus on improving my survival skills instead of working. They had a point—I had become more adept at fighting than I ever would have believed possible, but that didn't mean I was any good at it because I definitely wasn't. No amount of training would change that now, even if Jasper had repeatedly told me otherwise.

I knew he didn't believe that. He was just trying to be supportive.

So I'd gone to work, knowing a few more hours of training wouldn't significantly improve my chances of surviving. Besides, I needed a distraction. Badly. If I spent more time dwelling on the day that lay ahead—and the visions about it that Alice kept having—I'd go insane. Working would keep my mind busy, at least for a while. My preoccupation hadn't gone unnoticed; I'd caught Danielle staring at me several times in obvious concern, but thanks to Jake she hadn't had a chance to ask what was wrong. How would I have explained? That I was about to go into battle with a vengeful vampire who'd been trying to kill me for almost a decade?

The thought made me smile even though there was nothing even remotely funny it. The success of our plan—and my survival—depended mostly on the others finding me in time. If they didn't…

_No_, I told myself sternly. _Not now!_

Tonight I didn't want to worry. Tonight was about something else entirely.

I wondered if Edward had guessed why I wanted to see him. I hoped not. There was a reason why I had sent and his pack to deliver my message: I didn't want Alice to see my decision and spoil the surprise. I giggled quietly to myself, elated. "You're mean," Jake had said, his eyes bright with wicked amusement. Quick as he was, he'd understood immediately why I wanted Edward to come over—and why I wanted Jake to be the one who told him that. Hopefully, he'd think of a way to keep his thoughts to himself.

All of a sudden the anxiety that had come and gone all afternoon was back. I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees so that my hands wouldn't tremble. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten. Then to twenty. Then to thirty. The tension in my stomach wouldn't subside, and sitting on the roof in the darkness that wasn't dark to me, there was nothing to distract me.

In the end there hadn't been anything to decide. This hadn't surprised me—it had been inevitable. Our relationship had been inevitable from the start. If I had met Edward under different circumstances or in a different lifetime, the result would still have been the same. He was my soul mate, my other half. Neither of us could exist without the other.

I didn't _want_ to exist without him. I knew that now.

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I had started forgiving him. When he'd told me the truth? When he and the others had saved me in the forest? When we'd kissed in Chicago?

Did it matter?

Someone was watching me.

Opening my eyes, I found Edward standing in the middle of the back yard, looking up at me, his golden eyes wary. So he _had_ guessed why I wanted to see him. Or seen it in Jake's mind. His smile, the crooked one I loved so much, seemed forced.

"That was fast," I said lightly to diffuse the tension. "Jake and the others left not ten minutes ago."

Edward's smile turned real for the briefest if moments. "They're fast and so am I. Besides, Jake had Seth relay your message to me, so actually left before they arrived."

As he didn't want to camp out in the living room any longer, he was staying at the Cullens. Embry had moved into Mrs Morris's guest room as planned, along with Brady, and Jake was sharing his room with Quil. He was still delighted to have his best friend back. The living arrangements were only temporary. Once Victoria was taken care of, they'd all return to La Push, though I suspected Jake might try to stay closer to me in the future.

Edward stepped closer, ready to launch himself up on the roof to join me.

"Wait, I'm coming down!" I jumped to my feet and then down in the same motion, landing gracefully in front of Edward in the waist-deep snow.

"You know, the thought of you jumping off a roof would have given me a heart attack once," he said, amused. "It's a good thing you're not so breakable anymore."

I grinned. "True. So…" Our eyes met. His were unreadable. "I guess you're wondering why I wanted to see you?" I asked slowly, trying to gauge his reaction. Had Jake told him?

Edward's face went blank, the way it always did when he didn't want me to know what he was really feeling, any amusement he might have felt earlier instantly wiped away. "I have an idea," he said very carefully.

I gave him a tiny smile in response. He didn't relax. "Come on," I said softly, gesturing at the trees. "Let's go for a walk." Okay, so maybe Jake was right. I _was_ mean. Edward was clearly expecting the worst. His composure was slipping away. He reminded me of the deer that I had almost (luckily I had somehow managed to brake in time, so both my truck and the deer had survived the incident unscathed) run over with my ancient Chevy once. Caught in the beam of the headlights, it had stared at me with the same panicked expression I detected on Edward's face now.

As I led him deeper into the forest, my sense of déjà vu grew and so, I guessed, did his. Only this time it was me leading him, just as it was me who had the power to destroy and not the other way around. Once again our relationship was out of balance, if it ever had been _in_ balance. I knew that Edward had never really considered me his equal. If he had, he wouldn't have constantly made decisions for me without considering my feelings. Like taking me to prom against my will. Like leaving me. For our relationship to work we needed to be equals.

That we were here in the forest tonight was deliberate. A forest was where my world had come crashing down so it was where I would start rebuilding it. Both of us had come full circle. Time had changed me. The girl Edward had left in the forest was gone. The human who had been too clumsy to walk over a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over didn't exist anymore and neither did the young doctor who couldn't let go. The bitter, lonely vampire who spent her nights waiting for the beginning of yet another agonising day was also gone because now I had a family, people who loved me and cared for me and treated me as one of their own. That made all the difference.

Edward had changed as well. I saw it in the way he no longer tried to be my protector because I could take care of myself now. In the way he—mostly—supported my decisions even when he didn't agree with me. And, most importantly, in the way he now respected my feelings.

We would still have to work on our relationship, re-define it. We couldn't go back to the way it had been nine years ago. That wasn't possible and it also wasn't what I wanted. But for now just being with him and knowing that he loved me and that I loved him was enough. I didn't know what the next few days would bring and I was hesitant to make plans for after.

If one of us… but no. I wouldn't think of that now. I would have plenty of time to worry on the plane tomorrow.

In front of us the trees gave way to a clearing, the same we had gone to after returning from Chicago. Small and almost perfectly circular, it reminded me of Edward's meadow. The surrounding trees, stooping under the weight of the snow, created a sheltering dome; there was very little fresh snow on the ground. Turning, I saw that Edward had stopped a few paces behind me. He was very still and his eyes were fixed on something behind me even though there was nothing there.

He was scared.

I felt my serious expression soften. My words had the potential to destroy him. Of course he was scared.

I wouldn't let him suffer any longer.

"Edward," I began, but before I could say another word he raised his hand to interrupt me. His golden eyes, still trained on something behind me, darkened almost imperceptibly. The hand hanging by his side tightened. However, when he finally spoke, his voice was devoid of the tension that he clearly felt.

"As I said, I have a very good idea as to why you wanted to speak to me tonight," he said, his voice pleasant, almost casual. "And I want you to know… No, I _need_ you to know that whatever you decide, I will be able to live with it. I don't want you to forgive me, or take me back, simply because you pity me. My feelings are my responsibility and mine alone."

"Edward," I said, with an exasperated sigh, "you're a rotten liar."

His eyes snapped to my face immediately, wide and incredulous and confused.

"This entire situation could have been avoided if we had just talked about our feelings. If you had just asked me how I felt about Jasper attacking me or if you had just explained the way _you_ felt instead of…" I shook my head. "Edward, of course I knew that Jasper could have killed me. I'm not _that _stupid and contrary to what you believed at the time, I didn't have a death wish. I knew it was a close call and I was scared… But I didn't tell you because you didn't ask and because I knew that if I told you how I really felt about it, you'd do something rash." I sighed. "In the end, I guess it didn't matter. Still… We have to stop lying to each other, Edward. If we don't, this," I gestured from him to me, "can never work."

Edward stood frozen, his eyes unreadable.

"I have seen a lot of things in your mind that you probably never intended me to see," I continued more softly. "I can understand why you would want to keep them away from me. Your mind…" I paused as I remembered the black, empty void I had first glimpsed into in Chicago. He tried to keep his thoughts focused on different things whenever I was using my shield to read his mind, but sometimes he slipped. "It's not a very happy place," I said so quietly it was no more than a whisper.

"Never be afraid to tell me how you really feel, Edward," I whispered. "You don't have to be strong for me. We're equals. We have to save each other equally. What our relationship needs is some balance. Promise me that you'll talk to me about whatever is on your mind." I gave him a shaky smile. "I don't want to have to pick it out myself."

Edward stared at me.

Closing the distance between us, I grasped his hands in my own. "By the way," I whispered, "I forgive you."

Waiting for him, I had imagined a hundred different scenarios about how he'd react. I had imagined him to kiss me and to tell me that he loved me and that he would never leave me again. A very primal part of me had also imagined some things that were most definitely X-rated and that would have left me blushing had I still been able to.

But in none of the scenarios had I imagined him to sink to his knees, bury his head in his hands and begin to weep.

oOo

"I could get used to this," I whispered.

Edward chuckled quietly. "So could I."

Twisting in his embrace, I looked at his face. His eyes were closed, his features relaxed. The aura of perpetual tension that had surrounded him—and that I had never really noticed until it was gone—had disappeared. What little moonlight filtered through the branches overhead painted silver circles on Edward's skin; it had stopped snowing a while ago and the clouds had lifted. "I love you," I whispered, brushing my thumb gently across his lower lip, and he sighed in contentment.

"I love you," he murmured. He tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me closer still. He had yet to work up the courage to kiss me. He didn't seem fully convinced this wasn't a dream—or at the very least a very vivid hallucination since we were incapable of dreaming. Maybe he feared I would vanish in thin air if he accepted it as real.

"May I ask you something?"

Edward's eyes slowly opened. They were the colour of molten gold tonight. "Anything," he promised. "May I ask you something in return? Of course you don't have to answer if it's too… personal."

That certainly piqued my curiosity. "Too personal?" I asked with a small smile, eyebrows arched sceptically. "What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't share it with you?"

I thought I saw Edward's lips tighten, but it could have been a trick of the light. "You first," he replied quietly.

I sat up and his arms remained around my waist; he didn't want to let go even for the fraction of a moment. I placed my hand on his chest reassuringly. Seeing Edward this vulnerable and unsure of himself was strange. He had always been the confident one. Was this who he really was? Was his self-confidence that bordered on arrogance just a facade to hide his self-consciousness? The thought had never occurred to me before, but it did make sense.

"Now, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," I said.

Edward raised his eyebrows, mirroring my sceptical expression. "What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't share it with you?" he asked lightly, but his expression was guarded.

"It just seems very… human to me that you feel like you have to try and control everything around you," I said slowly, carefully. "It's not like anything that happens to you could ever harm you in any way—and now you don't even have to worry about me anymore. At least not like before when I was still human and much less durable."

Edward sighed, pained. He didn't answer immediately and I instantly regretted asking, half expecting him to tell me that he didn't want to talk about it, but then he said, his voice so low the words was nearly inaudible, "I don't know. My family has been wondering the same thing for a very long time."

I waited patiently. Edward and I had never really talked, not the way it mattered. We had discussed books and films and sometimes even politics, that sort of thing. But we hadn't talked the way a couple needed to in order to make their relationship work.

"Carlisle theorises it's because I suffer from survivors guilt," Edward continued thoughtfully, "and that my… control issues stem from the fact that I subconsciously try to prevent a traumatic event similar to the one that caused it in the first place from ever happening again. Of course vampires don't have a subconsciousness—it's why we can't suppress unpleasant memories. Carlisle's theory is flawed, but it's the best explanation he's been able to come up with."

"It sounds… plausible." I frowned. "I assume Carlisle believes the death of your parents is the traumatic event that's caused it?"

Edward raised his eyebrows, surprised.

I gave him a shrug. "I had to sit through more psychology classes than I care to remember. Besides, it's fairly common. I see…" I paused, then corrected myself, "saw it a lot in people who were the sole survivor of an accident. I can't even imagine what it must be like. To know that you were saved while others weren't, I mean."

"It was… hard at first," Edward admitted. "Of course I knew that Carlisle had acted according to my mother's wishes. Maybe she really knew that he was different, that he had the power to save me." He shot me a brief smile full of affection as he remembered his mother. "Maybe that's where I got my insight from. But it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I would live forever… and that she was dead. Carlisle explained to me why he couldn't save her too and I knew he was right. I _know_ that he was right. But…" He trailed off and sighed. "Of course it's all speculation, but I'm inclined to agree. My mother and I were very close. In any case, it's annoying to be affected by something that happened so long ago. I don't _want _to feel compelled to control everything, and that's exactly what it is—a compulsion. It's hard not to act on that compulsion, even when it's something that clearly isn't in my power." His eyes met mine. "Like you leaving tomorrow. I know it's the right thing, but the thought of losing you again is… paralysing I want to grab you and run off somewhere safe." I felt his hands which still lay on my back tighten.

I had never considered Edward's past as the cause for his desire to control everyone and everything around him and I found it hard to reconcile the self-confident Edward with an Edward that was just as insecure as I used to be as a teenage girl.

_And maybe_, I mused, _this is another contributing factor—that he's still a teenager, in body and in mind. He was never able to evolve beyond that. Nor will he ever be._

"Thank you for telling me," I said softly. As I kissed him on the forehead, he surprised me by reaching up and pulling me down to crush his lips against mine. The kiss was desperate, as if he feared the kisses we could share were numbered. His lips parted and his breath washed over my face, sweet and delicious and arousing. The world around me slipped away. All I could see and feel and hear was Edward.

This time it was Edward who broke the kiss. I blinked dazedly. I only very vaguely remembered how I had ended up on his lap and his shirt and mine in a crumpled heap in the snow beside us. He was looking at me with wide eyes, his breath ragged. "That," he managed eventually, "wasn't what I had in mind."

"I didn't mind," I said smiling. I wrapped my arms around him and placed my head against his chest, listening for a heartbeat that wasn't there. His hands settled on my hips and locked me in place. I had once asked him what he found more tempting, my blood or my body, and while he had assured me that he was equally attracted by both, a part of me—the one that couldn't shake her shyness and insecurity and couldn't believe her good fortunes of having a boyfriend like Edward—hadn't really believed him. After all it was my blood that had brought us together.

There was no doubt now that he was attracted to my body.

Unable to resist the temptation to tease him just a little, I ground my hips slightly against his. He moaned softly, his muscles tightening underneath my hands. "I was under the impression you had a question for me," I said matter-of-factly, fighting to keep my face straight.

Edward shot me an incredulous look.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're unbelievable," he muttered.

I laughed. "So I've been told. What's your question?"

Edward's playful expression grew suddenly serious.

I sat very still. I was suddenly sure that I didn't like where this was heading.

"As I said, you don't have to answer if it's too personal," he reminded me.

"Just spit it out."

"Alice told me about her visions."

"And?" I frowned. I already knew that she had told him—and that he'd crashed his car because he'd expected her to tell him that I wouldn't survive the encounter with Victoria.

"And I wanted to ask you how you… feel about them."

I grimaced even as I relaxed a little. So this was what had him worried. Well, if I said I wasn't bothered by what Alice had told me, I'd be lying. It was bothering me a great deal.

"I'm scared," I admitted. "I'm no masochist, so I'm definitely not looking forward to it. I'm trying to be optimistic about it though. The future isn't set in stone and Alice's visions don't always come true. Besides, there have been visions with a more… positive outcome too." An image popped into my mind unbidden and a shiver ran down my spine.

Edward's grip around my waist tightened in response.

Alice's descriptions had been very vivid and while she had spared me a few details she had considered too gruesome to even say aloud, my imagination had had no problem at all filling in the blanks.

"I wish I could be as optimistic," Edward whispered, troubled. Unlike me he had seen live and in colour what Alice had only described to me. It must have been horrible to see what would be done to me, knowing he could do nothing to prevent it.

I was surprised that I could look at what lay before me with so much detachment. Maybe deep down I had already accepted the inevitable despite what I had said to Edward about the future being subject to change.

"It has to be done," I said quietly. "I don't want to go, Edward. I don't think I've ever been this scared, but this needs to end before more people die."

_When did you become a martyr?_ a voice in my mind whispered.

I told it to shut up.

I thought of Liv instead. I still hoped I'd find her alive, but as the days passed, I had finally come to accept the very likely fact that she was already dead—had _been_ dead for a while because she had outlived her purpose the moment Edward and I left for Chicago. If I at least found her body so that her parents would get a chance to say goodbye to their only daughter.

_And that would be worth it?_ the voice asked incredulously. _What Alice saw…_

Again I told it to shut up, absently wondering if it was a bad sign for a vampire to be hearing voices, even if it was the voice of my own conscience.

Liv's mother had tried calling me again several times. As it had been Danielle's day off, Jake had answered the phone the first time and told her I was too busy to talk. It hadn't even been a lie—I had had my hands in a man's open thorax when her call came in.

After the fifth call she gave up on trying to reach me at work. She had managed to weasel my home number out of Danielle and I had had to unplug the phone eventually. Caroline Alden was very persistent. I was worried that she'd see my refusal to talk to her as proof that I had something to do with Eden's sudden disappearance, and maybe even Liv's. If she went to the police, that would heap yet another bunch of problems onto my already overflowing plate. I was beginning to wish I had never spoken to her in the first place. The trip to Chicago had been a complete and utter disaster.

"If this doesn't work, we'll get another chance eventually," Edward said softly. He was trying to reassure me even though I could tell from the tension in his body that he was just as worried and scared as I was, and that he felt just as responsible for Victoria was doing as I did.

I drew a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "I know. Let's not talk about it anymore, okay? I think we're all scared. Well, except for Emmett." I rolled my eyes. "_He_ can't wait of course."

Edward flashed me a brilliant grin. "No, he can't. He never worries about anything. I really envy him that. Things are… difficult at home at the moment. Alice and Jasper are on edge, Esme is worried, and Emmett still isn't talking to Rosalie."

"Poor Rose," I muttered.

Edward slowly shook his head. "Your friendship to my sister continues to baffle me," he said, with a dry chuckle. "I think Emmett's coming around though. Deep down he knows that Rose didn't mean the things she said to Freya—and that her remorse is genuine. It's just that he really liked the kid. I hope she's okay. I'd hate for her to end up in Victoria's clutches. She deserves better."

"All of her victims deserved better," I said quietly. The women she had murdered. The little girls she had killed. The people she had turned into vampires to become pawns in her personal vendetta. _Cannon fodder_, Jasper had called them disgustedly, and he was right. Victoria didn't give a damn about how many she'd lose because there was more where they'd come from. A human life meant nothing to her.

"I know," Edward said softly. "I promise you we'll end this. One way or the other."

He was smiling, but his eyes were dark with worry and I didn't need to ask what he was thinking. Yes, we'd end this. But how many of our own would we lose in the process?

**What do you think? Do you think it's too soon for Bella to forgive him? Then again, they still have a lot of work ahead of them if their relationship is supposed to work. Any ideas what Alice saw in her visions? Please review! Pretty, pretty please.**


	35. Peace

**A/N: This isn't at all what I had in mind for the next chapter, but I felt that we needed the previous chapter from EPOV so here it is. Hope you won't find it too boring! ;-) I am still overwhelmed by the number of reviews I got for "Union". You're amazing, guys! Thank you so much! I loved every single one of them.**

**As always, a very special thank you to my wonderful beta and friend KayMarieXW. I don't think I'd have ever got this far without her support.**

**Enjoy!**

**Camilla10 kindly reminded me that since it has been while since the last update, I recap was in order:**

**Learning that Henry Lambert has been feeding information to Victoria, the Cullens decide to go after her rather than wait for her to return to Anchorage. Bella is to fly to Helena, Montana, Victoria's base of operations, as Victoria won't know Bella is after her because of her shield. Edward isn't at all happy with the plan, especially since Alice has shared her disturbing visions of the future with him, but knows he has no choice. Bella eventually forgives him.**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

35. PEACE

EDWARD

_Tough we're tethered to the story we must tell_

_When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well_

_With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas_

_Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees_

_Turning Page by Sleeping At Last_

I was getting on Jasper's nerves.

Standing beside me, behind the house, he approvingly watched Seth charge at Rosalie, who neatly flipped out of the way and, landing on her feet, spun around just in time to avoid getting tackled by Alice. With a low growl, Alice caught herself before she hit the ground and then wheeled around to come at Rosalie yet again. Seth, circling them, was waiting for another opening. While he had managed to nip Rosalie's clothes once or twice, Alice had yet to deliver a blow. Blind because of Seth's participation in the training session, Alice couldn't rely on her visions to guide her. She was trying to be a good sport about it, but her patience was about to run out.

Jasper was already preparing himself for the storm of fury that would inevitably come, fuelled by the pent-up frustration of days and days of feeling helpless and useless and desperate. That he had to deal with my emotional state on top of that didn't help. To his credit, he hadn't commented on it, aware that I was doing my best to keep the worry and dread that were gnawing at my insides at bay.

But I wasn't doing a very good job and Jasper couldn't help but wishing that I was at least a mile away and out of his reach.

"I'm sorry," I said eventually. Jasper shot me a quizzical look, uncomprehending. He was too focused on Alice. "I wish I could leave," I added quietly, "but I can't be alone tonight. I'm sorry, Jasper."

Jasper looked at me for a very long time before he finally spoke the words that had been lingering close to the surface of his mind all evening. "She didn't call, did she?" he asked softly.

I glanced at Alice, Rosalie and Seth, but they were too engrossed in their fight to pay attention to Jasper and me. "No, she didn't," I replied, trying to keep my voice even and failing miserably. Then again, it didn't matter. Not with Jasper. "I don't know what I expected," I continued dejectedly. "Or hoped."

"You were hoping she'd make a decision before she left," Jasper said. It was a statement, not a question because he had picked up on the feeling of hesitant hopefulness that had been growing inside me steadily ever since Chicago. Had I been wrong to hope?

"Yes," I admitted. "I shouldn't have. I can't force her to forgive me and if she's not ready, then there's nothing I can do about it. It's her choice and she has every right to take all the time she needs."

_If she forgives you at all._

The thought shot through Jasper's mind before he could stop it. "I'm sorry," he said hurriedly. "I didn't mean to imply that she won't. I just…" He shrugged helplessly.

"I know," I said softly. "I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"Edward." Slowly, Jasper shook his head in mild exasperation. "Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves to be forgiven. You went through hell because you left her."

"As did she," I reminded him sharply.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Jasper replied patiently. "You atoned for what you did. You told her the truth and you apologised and you have changed. It's so very difficult for us to change and yet you have. For her. And that alone is what matters."

"And still you think she won't forgive me," I said. I couldn't keep the edge of despair and bitterness out of my voice for if even Jasper, who had the most insight into all our feelings, believed Bella wouldn't forgive me, then what had I left to hope for?

"I don't think that," Jasper retorted, somewhat frustrated. _Do I have to spell it out for you?_ he asked with mild annoyance and when I didn't react, said, "It's just one possibility of many and I'm sorry the thought ever crossed my mind. I was trained to consider every possible outcome, that's all. Personally, I think she will forgive you. You belong to each other and Bella's emotional state when we met again was such that I am convinced she couldn't walk away from you even if she wanted to. Which I don't think she does." He gave a shrug. "You're mated. You're both in it for life."

"If only it were this simple," I muttered, but Jasper's attention was already back on Alice.

Alice and Seth had managed to close in on Rosalie. I knew what Alice didn't, that Rosalie was allowing them to come closer. She was preparing for a lunge that would catapult her right on top of Alice. Suddenly Seth's ears twitched in response to something only he could hear and he yelped once to signal a break. Rosalie straightened out of her defensive stance and exchanged a quick glance with Alice, who grimaced and shrugged. She had no clue what was going on any more than Rosalie did.

My heart sank.

_She wants to talk to you_, Jacob said evenly.

I had recently discovered that as long as they were in wolf form and at least one of them was in my reach, I could read the minds of every single member of the pack because of the link they shared. So I could hear Jacob's thoughts just fine. He had delivered Bella's message in a neutral tone and yet I thought I detected just a tinge of glee.

I swallowed hard.

"You okay?" Jasper asked, confused. Then my expression, or rather the complete absence of any expression on my face, registered with him and he caught my elbow just as my legs gave out. Concerned, Alice and Rosalie converged on me. Seth hovered behind them, nervously pawing the snow, unsure what was going on.

This was it. This was exactly what I had been waiting for, but now that the moment had arrived I wished it hadn't. Not knowing if she would ever forgive me—that I could live with, that I could endure, for while I craved the certainty of knowledge, I also feared it.

The thought of what I would become if she didn't forgive me made me want to retreat into the black safety of my mind.

Jasper hit me. Hard.

"You back with us?" he asked and he shook me once for good measure, only steadying me when my eyes focused on his face.

I blinked. Somehow I had snapped out of the despair before it could fully sink its claws into me. "Jesus, Edward, what just happened?" Jasper demanded.

"Nothing," I gasped. I felt Alice and Rosalie's eyes on me as I reached for Jasper's shoulder, just to have something to hold on to. I was painfully aware of the stunned silence of their minds, a silence that spoke volumes, but I didn't acknowledge it. I didn't look at any of them as I took a careful step past Jasper, still clutching his shoulder. My legs reluctantly obeyed.

"Edward?" Jasper asked again. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing," I repeated, but he didn't believe me. He was confused by the conflicting emotions he got off me, panic and relief and despair, and he was anxious because he didn't know what had caused the unexpected shift. "Bella wants to see me," I whispered eventually because I knew they wouldn't let me leave before I had told them.

And suddenly they understood.

"You're a mess, Edward," Rosalie whispered and then she wrapped her arms around me in an unprecedented display of sisterly affection.

oOo

Time was a funny thing. Whenever you were looking forward to something, time tended to drag and pass unbearably, sometimes even agonisingly slow. The exact opposite was the case if you didn't want something to arrive. Time sped up and suddenly you were facing whatever it was that you didn't want to face.

The trip to Bella's place didn't take long as it was, but tonight I seemed to make it there in half the time. Hovering just behind the broken fence that marked the end of her backyard, I watched her gazing at the sky, wondering, as I always did, what she was thinking.

"Just get it over with," I muttered, too low for her to hear. My feet refused to obey and I remained in the shadows of the trees, still as a statue. I didn't want to think about what would happen if she didn't take me back, but I couldn't put the matter out of my mind.

_You're selfish_, my conscience scolded. Tomorrow Bella would board a plane that would carry her directly into Victoria's clutches and here I was, worrying about myself instead of her.

I didn't deserve her forgiveness.

Part of me was aware that this was the darkness talking, the darkness that had been my companion for so very long, but how could I not listen? Even if things between us had changed, how could I expect her to forgive me for what I had done?

As I finally stepped into her backyard, wading through the waist-deep snow, I braced myself for the worst.

Bella opened her eyes and as she met my gaze, I forced a smile on my face. It didn't feel natural and it didn't seem to convince her; a tiny frown appeared on her forehead as she looked me over. I hoped she wasn't reading my mind. I couldn't control my thoughts. Not tonight.

"That was fast," she said lightly. "Jake and the others left not ten minutes ago."

I smiled, the crooked smile I knew she loved, despite my inner turmoil. "They're fast and so am I. Besides, Jake had Seth relay your message to me, so I actually left before they arrived."

Bella didn't answer and I hesitantly moved closer to join her on the roof, but she shook her head. "Wait, I'm coming down!" And then she leapt to her feet and off the roof. Fear blossomed in my mind, a remnant of the time when she was human, when a stunt like that would have killed her. But by the time Bella touched the ground in front of me, the fear had faded. She was so graceful now, so beautiful. She had always been beautiful, but now the sight of her made my heart swell in my chest.

No matter what she had decided, I would always love her.

"You know, the thought of you jumping off a roof would have given me a heart attack once," I told her, faintly amused because for a moment I had been scared even though I knew better. "It's a good thing you're not so breakable anymore."

She grinned and my dead heart leapt. "True. So…" She looked up at me. Part of me desperately wanted to avoid her inquisitive gaze, but I forced myself to meet her eyes.

_Don't be such a coward!_

"I guess you're wondering why I wanted to see you?" she asked slowly.

Any amusement I still might have been feeling, disappeared instantly, as did my smile. "I have an idea," I managed, surprised at how calm my voice sounded. Calm and guarded.

Her lips curved into the tiniest of smiles. Was that a good sign?

"Come on," she said softly, motioning for me to follow her back into the forest. "Let's go for a walk."

My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't speak anymore. Turning, she strode into the trees and I had no other choice to follow her even though my mind was screaming at me not to. How could I have been so cruel? How could I have broken up with her in a place so dark and sinister? I kept shooting nervous glances over my shoulder although I knew for a fact that there was nothing there, that we were completely alone. From the corner of my eyes I saw eerie shadows move, just a trick of the faint moonlight that managed to penetrate the cloud cover, but it added to my growing unease just the same. Why would she bring me here if not to leave me? To bring things full circle and end what had begun in a place like this over nine years ago.

But would she really be so cruel? Bella would never do something like this out of pure spite. Or would she? How well did I really know her after all the time that had passed? Had I ever really known her? And if she forgave me, if she took me back… What if she did it because she pitied me? She had glimpsed into my mind, had seen the shadows that were haunting me. She knew what I would become if she left.

I didn't want her to stay with me out of pity.

If only I could read her mind. She was a few steps ahead, moving purposefully through the trees. We were heading to the small clearing we had gone to after returning from Chicago. What was going through her mind? I desperately wanted to know, but no matter how hard I tried to reach out to her mind with my gift—her shield kept me out. If she ever learned to control the second layer of her shield, the one that protected her mind, would she let me in?

And what was I thinking? In a few moments she might tell me that things were over, that she didn't want me anymore. I would still have her as a sister, but that would never be enough. I would have to leave my family, but that was a small price compared to being with her for as long as we existed, knowing she didn't want me.

Reaching the clearing, she stopped. I was hesitant to follow her and so I remained a few paces to follow her, unable to speak or even breathe. When she turned to look at me, I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. The panic that had settled over me rendered every single thought incoherent. I stared at the trees behind her, completely still.

"Edward," she began, her voice soft, but I raised my hand and she fell silent, eyebrows arched. I needed to say something before she told me what she had decided.

"As I said, I have a very good idea as to why you wanted to speak to me tonight." My voice was steady and didn't betray my anguish. I was grateful for that. It would have made this so much more difficult and I didn't want her to realise that I was lying. "And I want you to know… No, I _need_ you to know that whatever you decide, I will be able to live with it. I don't want you to forgive me, or take me back, simply because you pity me. My feelings are my responsibility and mine alone."

For a moment she just looked at me, then she sighed in exasperation. "Edward, you're a rotten liar."

My eyes snapped to her face. Surprise and confusion flooded my mind in equal parts. What?

"This entire situation could have been avoided if we had just talked about our feelings. If you had just asked me how I felt about Jasper attacking me or if you had just explained the way _you_ felt instead of…" She shook her head. "Edward, of course I knew that Jasper could have killed me. I'm not _that _stupid and contrary to what you believed at the time, I didn't have a death wish. I knew it was a close call and I was scared… But I didn't tell you because you didn't ask and because I knew that if I told you how I really felt about it, you'd do something rash." She sighed. "In the end, I guess it didn't matter. Still… We have to stop lying to each other, Edward. If we don't, this," she gestured first at me and then at her, "can never work."

I stared at her. _This can never work?_ Did she mean to forgive me then? Did she mean to take me back? A sliver of hope sparked in my mind.

In a gentle voice she continued, "I have seen a lot of things in your mind that you probably never intended me to see. I can understand why you would want to keep them away from me. Your mind…"

She paused, pensive, and it was easy to guess what she was thinking. I tried so hard to keep the shadows away whenever I had reason to believe she was inside my head, but sometimes it was impossible.

"It's not a very happy place," she whispered eventually. "Never be afraid to tell me how you really feel, Edward. You don't have to be strong for me. We're equals. We have to save each other equally. What our relationship needs is some balance. Promise me that you'll talk to me about whatever is on your mind." She smiled shakily, relieved. "I don't want to have to pick it out myself."

I could only stare at her, my mind suddenly spinning.

She crossed the distance between us and took my hands into hers, holding them tight, and I intertwined my fingers with hers, holding on to her as if she were my lifeline.

Then again, that was exactly what she was. My lifeline, the only one that could save me, the person who made my life whole and worth living.

"By the way," she whispered, "I forgive you."

And just like that the darkness in my mind retreated, pulling back and leaving me with a strange feeling of relief that made me feel light-headed. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her against my chest, wanted to kiss her and tell her that I loved her. Instead, the crushing relief forced me on my knees and I sank into the snow, my eyes stinging with tears that I knew would never come.

But I buried my head in my hands and began to weep nonetheless.

oOo

I was at peace.

The darkness had been my companion for so very long that I hadn't even realised how heavy a burden it had become until it was gone. I knew that it was a part of me and would eventually return, but I would cross that bridge when I came to it. With Bella at my side, I could face anything, could keep the shadows of doubt and despair at bay.

With her I was whole.

"I could get used to this," she whispered. She lay in my arms, her back against my chest, but now I felt her turn around so that she could look at me. She seemed just as relieved as I was and just as happy.

"So could I," I replied, with a quiet chuckle. I could have stayed here with her forever. The threatening shadows had disappeared with the clouds, and moonlight filtered through the natural dome of branches that were crusted with ice. It glittered, like millions of tiny stars that shone just for us.

"I love you," she whispered. She brushed her thumb across my lower lip, her touch tentative and careful and so very warm. Part of me did miss the hotness of her skin, the beat of her heart that had been the most important sound in my world once. But now that she was like me I didn't have to be afraid of crushing her anymore. I wanted to grasp her hand, place her palm against my face. I wanted to kiss her, wanted to taste her again, but I was hesitant.

What if this was only a very vivid hallucination?

"I love you," I whispered, pulling her closer. Feeling the weight of her body on my arm and the warmth she radiated made her feel more real to me.

"May I ask you something?" she asked slowly, as if unsure of my answer.

I opened my eyes. "Anything," I replied. "May I ask you something in return?" Something I had been wondering about ever since Alice had shared her visions with me. "Of course you don't have to answer if it's too… personal," I added quickly.

For some reason this made her smile. "Too personal? What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't want to share it with you?"

One of the visions Alice had had flashed across my mind and I felt tension spread once more, but I fought it back. I didn't want Bella to notice. "You first," I said.

She sat up. I kept my arms around her waist. I needed to touch her. Tomorrow she would leave and then…

I didn't finish that thought.

"Now, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she said.

"What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't share it with you?" I said lightly, hoping she wouldn't pick up on my sudden wariness. Where was this headed?

"It just seems very… human to me that you feel like you have to try and control everything around you," Bella said very slowly and carefully. "It's not like anything that happens to you could ever harm you in any way—and now you don't even have to worry about me anymore. At least not like before when I was still human and much less durable."

_I can still lose you_, I thought even though I knew this wasn't what she meant.

I sighed. I was aware of what Alice called my 'control issues'. How could I not be? I didn't know if I had been like this as a human. Carlisle thought not. But then, he had his own theory as to why and how I had become the person I was today. Did I want to talk about this with Bella? But with whom could I discuss these kinds of things if not with her? "I don't know," I answered eventually. "My family has been wondering the same thing for a very long time. Carlisle theorises it's because I suffer from survivors guilt and that my… control issues stem from the fact that I subconsciously try to prevent a traumatic event similar to the one that caused it in the first place from ever happening again." This was almost a direct quote. "Of course vampires don't have sub-consciousness—it's why we can't suppress unpleasant memories. Carlisle's theory is flawed, but it's the best explanation he's been able to come up with."

"It sounds… plausible," Bella said at last, frowning. "I assume Carlisle believes the death of your parents is the traumatic event that's caused it?"

My surprise at her having figured it out so quickly must have shown on my face because she shrugged. "I had to sit through more psychology classes than I care to remember. Besides, it's fairly common. I see…" she paused, then corrected herself, "saw it in a lot of people who were the sole survivor of an accident. I can't even imagine what it must be like. To know what you were saved when others weren't, I mean."

"It was… hard at first," I admitted quietly. Waking up after the agonising pain of my transition and finding my mother dead had been so very painful. I had always been closer to her than I had to my father and to know that she was dead while I lived… I knew that ultimately every child outlived its parents, but it shouldn't happen like this. She shouldn't have died like this. I shouldn't have died like this.

"Of course I knew that Carlisle had acted according to my mother's wishes," I continued. "Maybe she really knew that he was different, that he had the power to save me. Maybe that's where I got my insight from. But it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I would live forever… and that she was dead. Carlisle explained to me why he couldn't save her too and I knew he was right. I know that he was right. But…" I trailed off with a sigh. "Of course it's all speculation, but I'm inclined to agree. My mother and I were very close. In any case, it's annoying to be affected by something that happened so long ago. I don't want to feel compelled to control everything, and that's exactly what it is—a compulsion. It's hard not to act on that compulsion, even when it's something that clearly isn't in my power." I met Bella's golden eyes, which were full of compassion. "Like you leaving tomorrow," I whispered. "I know it's the right thing, but the thought of losing you again is… paralysing I want to grab you and run off somewhere safe." My hands tightened on her back. _Somewhere safe and away from Victoria_, I thought. _But then this will never end and it has to. It has been going on for far too long._

"Thank you for telling me," Bella said softly. She lowered her head to kiss me on the forehead, but I reached up and pulled her down, overcome by the need to kiss her, to feel her close to me. Her lips parted and I tasted her freesia and strawberry scent, mixed with the bitter sting of venom, on my tongue. Sitting up, I pulled her against me, and her hands settled on my back, tugging gently at the hem of my shirt. I gasped when I suddenly felt her hands on my skin, and her lips curved into a smile. Heat blossomed where her skin touched mine and for the very first time in over a hundred years, I almost felt human again, alive and burning with a desire I had never known before.

My shirt came off easily, as did hers. Her skin was warm and smooth, like alabaster, and like the ice and snow around us, it glittered softly in the moonlight. She was so very beautiful, my Bella.

I was getting carried away. I knew this and the primal part of me didn't care, the part that wanted to see her naked underneath me, that wanted to feel her against every inch of my body.

But I couldn't. There was something I needed to know first.

I broke the kiss, my breath coming fast and ragged. She blinked at me, a lazy smile on her lips that reminded me of a cat that had just licked clean an entire bowl of cream. "That," I managed, "wasn't what I had in mind."

"I didn't mind," she whispered.

She was still sitting on my lap and it would have been wiser to let her go. Instead I placed my hands on her hips, holding her against me. There was a part of me that was embarrassed at my body's obvious reaction to her, but the primal part couldn't have cared less. The strangest expression crossed Bella's face, calculating and oddly amused, and she ground her hips against mine.

I almost came undone.

"I was under the impression you had a question for me," she said with a straight face. "What?" she asked innocently when I gaped at her.

"You're unbelievable," I muttered, which made her laugh.

"So I've been told. What's your question?"

Although I needed an answer, I was suddenly hesitant to ask.

"As I said, you don't have to answer if it's too personal," I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes. "Just spit it out."

"Alice told me about her visions," I began carefully.

A frown creased Bella's forehead. "And?"

"And I wanted to ask you how you… feel about them."

Strangely, she relaxed in my arms while I remained tense. What I had seen in Alice's mind—what Victoria had in store for Bella as soon as she got her hands on her—had filled me with horror. How could Bella want to do this, knowing what would be done to her?

_Because she's selfless_, a voice in my mind whispered. _Because she feels responsible and thinks it's the right thing to do. It's who she is. Selfless and brave. Braver than she thinks._

"I'm scared," she admitted quietly and I wished more than ever that I could read her mind. "I'm no masochist, so I'm definitely not looking forward to it. I'm trying to be optimistic about it though. The future isn't set in stone and Alice's visions don't always come true. Besides, there have been visions with a more… positive outcome too." She shuddered and I tightened my grip on her. More positive? By whose definition? The worst thing wasn't that I knew what was going to happen—it was that even though I knew it, there was nothing I could do to prevent it. The only way Alice's vision wouldn't come true was if Bella decided not to go. It didn't matter how she travelled to Helena. Once she was there, the future Alice had seen would unfold unless… Unless there was something Alice didn't know about yet, an unknown factor, a decision that hadn't been made yet because it hinged on another decision. But how likely was that, really?

I was grasping at straws and I knew it.

"I wish I could be as optimistic," I whispered.

"It has to be done," was Bella's quiet reply. "I don't want to go, Edward. I don't think I've ever been this scared, but this needs to end before more people die."

_Then don't go!_

But I kept my thoughts to myself. She was right. She had to and keeping her from leaving because I was afraid I'd lose her would be utterly selfish. I knew I could never be as selfless as Bella was, that I could never be as compassionate about something as she was. I didn't want any more innocent people to die either, but I also didn't want to lose her. I couldn't.

It would destroy me.

_Selfish, selfish, selfish._

Alice's visions had been so very dark, so terrifying. She would be tortured—after all this time Victoria had spent on hunting Bella, she would take her time killing her because that was who she was. Inflicting pain on a vampire wasn't the easiest thing. But there were other ways to break someone.

"If this doesn't work, we'll get another chance eventually," I said, sensing that this was what she needed to hear even while hoping desperately that by the day after tomorrow this nightmare would finally be over.

Bella drew a deep breath and when she spoke again the shadows that had crept into her golden eyes had retreated a little. "I know. Let's not talk about it anymore, okay? I think we're all scared. Well, expect for Emmett." She rolled her eyes, but her tone was full of affection for my brother. "_He_ can't wait of course."

I grinned. "No, he can't. He never worries about anything. I really envy him that. Things are… difficult at home at the moment. Alice and Jasper are on edge. Esme is worried, and Emmett still isn't talking to Rose." He had stayed inside during the entire training session. He would have loved to join us, but he didn't know how to deal with Rosalie. I wasn't sure what exactly his problem was. He had already forgiven her—he just didn't seem to know how to tell her, although there had to be more to it than that because usually Emmett didn't particularly care about properly expressing himself. He simply said what was on his mind and that was the end of it. But I was too wrapped up in my own problems to pay much attention to my brother's. He'd have to figure it out on his own.

"Poor Rose," Bella sighed.

I shook my head. "Your friendship to my sister continues to baffle me," I said with a chuckle, then decided to share my assessment of Emmett. "I think he's coming around though. Deep down he knows that Rose didn't mean the things she said to Freya—and that her remorse is genuine. It's just that he really liked the kid." That wasn't all, but as I didn't know any better, I had no other theory to offer. "I hope she's okay. I'd hate for her to end up in Victoria's clutches. She deserves better."

"All of her victims deserved better," she reminded me softly.

"I know," I replied. "I promise you we'll end this. One way or the other." I didn't doubt that we would—eventually. But how many of our own would we lose? We didn't know what we were up against, how many vampires Victoria had created. A dozen—or even two dozen—we could handle easily. But more than that? I wasn't so sure.

But I didn't want to think about it anymore. Not tonight. Not when I could lose her tomorrow. I reached up, brushing my thumb across her lower lip as she had done with me. Something flashed in her eyes, something dark and hungry. Her hands slid up my back and her fingers found their way to my hair, pulling me closer so that she could kiss me again. There had been an almost desperate edge to the first kiss we had shared tonight. Now it was sweeter and even more intense, a promise of more to come.

How could I possibly let her go tomorrow? How could I let her confront Victoria alone? I wished I had never suggested using Bella to find Victoria. I had assumed we'd have more time, enough for Bella to master her shield so that I could go with her. So that she wouldn't have to face Victoria alone. Bella wouldn't be able to withstand long in a fight—if she lived past what Victoria's lackeys would do to her.

The vision unfolded in my mind once more.

"What is it?" Bella asked breathlessly as I went still. Confusion that quickly turned to worry swept across her face. "Edward, stop thinking about that," she whispered pleadingly. With a twinge of annoyance, she added, "Thanks for the visual imagery by the way." But her tone was so droll that I felt my lips twitch. That was Bella as she lived and breathed, always trying to comfort others even though, this time, she should have been the one being comforted.

"I'm sorry," I said, gathering her against my chest and holding her tight. "It's hard to forget."

"I know. But torturing yourself with the knowledge what's going to happen to me won't change anything. I'm going, Edward. I have to."

"I know that. I just wish I could come with you."

"So do I," she replied softly. "But you know why you can't."

Because we couldn't risk alerting Victoria to the fact that we were on to her. Bella was the only one who could get close to her without tipping her off. _In theory_, I reminded myself, but Eleazar had yet to be wrong about how a vampire's gift worked. Our entire plan hinged on his correct assessment of Victoria's talent.

"Yes, I know," I said. But there had to be a way for me to go with her. A way for me to…

And then the answer came to me. It had been staring me in the face for some time, but it was only now that I realised that it was there. Bella wouldn't like it. Neither would the others, for that matter.

But I didn't have to tell Bella, did I? Or the others. Bella would be furious if she found out that I was keeping things from her, but that was a small price to pay compared to losing her.

"Edward?" Bella said, worried.

I quickly wiped my mind clean.

"Nothing," I assured her, suddenly feeling strangely elated. How could I have missed this? "I promise not to think about it anymore."

Bella eyed me suspiciously. Was she reading my mind again? I was beginning to understand how my family must feel, knowing that I constantly read their every thought. Then she shrugged. "Let's go home," she suggested, smiling in a way that made my skin tingle. "We still have a few ours before the others get here."

"Yes," I agreed as I got to my feet without letting go of her. "Let's go home."

**A/N: What do you think Edward's come up with? And how will Bella react when he finds out? There Bella gave him this whole honesty speech and what does he do? Keeps something from her… Please, please, please review! **


	36. Plans

**A/N: Sorry, again, for taking my time to update. I'm afraid it's not going to get any better, but I will give my best and try not to leave you hanging for too long. I have received so many wonderful reviews and there are no words to say how happy it makes me that you love this story so much. It means a lot to me. I hope the next chapters won't disappoint you! Also, thank you to everyone who alerted to Lifelines or added it to your Favourites lists. That makes me just as happy as reviews do.**

**A very special thank you to my beta KayMarieXW, who takes the time to beta even when she is practically drowning in work.**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer; I am only borrowing.**

**Recap: **Bella is changed by Victoria and moves to Anchorage, where she and the Cullens reunite. Bella discovers that Victoria is still after her, so she and the rest of her family, along with Jake, who now has his own pack (Quil, Embry, Seth, Brady, Leah, and Claire), hatch a plan to stop her once and for all. Bella forgives Edward for lying to her and makes it clear that, from now on, there can't be any more lies. Although he suggested it, Edward isn't happy with their plan as he can't accompany Bella to Helena, MT. Without telling anyone he decides to go with her.

36. PLANS

BELLA

_In all things it is better to hope than to fear._

_Johann Wolfgang von Goethe_

oOo

Sleeping with Edward was something I had never dared think about.

He had made it clear that he wouldn't—couldn't—sleep with me because, as a human, I was too fragile, too easy to break. I didn't know what would—could—have been if he had stayed, because he hadn't and I had banished him from my mind so completely that even thinking his name was out of the question, let alone imagining him making love to me. And even later, when the wounds he'd inflicted on me had scabbed over—not healed because without him I couldn't be whole—I still wouldn't think about what might have been. There was no point.

But there had been one time when I had broken my rules, when I had wished it was Edward holding me, where I had imagined his cool skin on mine: the one and only time I had ever slept with someone before last night.

I didn't remember it very clearly and I was grateful for that. I didn't regret it; there were very few things I regretted doing because I had learned the hard way that life was short. It had been just a few weeks into my first semester at college. I had been miserable and lonely and homesick even though getting away from Forks had been the right thing to do. But I had missed Jake. Speaking to him on the phone wasn't the same as speaking to him in person. The nightmares—_the_ nightmare, to be more precise—had come back and I'd been having them for almost six weeks then and I had woken up screaming almost every other night, which hadn't improved my already fragile emotional state.

The dream was the reason I had gone to a frat party with a group of girls from one of my biochemistry classes. They had repeatedly asked me to come along and although I wasn't a big fan of parties, eventually I had given in. At this point I would have done almost anything for a distraction and alcohol, even in minute doses, had always made me very sleepy. So I had tagged along, feeling very uncomfortable in the clothes I had borrowed from one of the girls who was the same size as me. To my surprise, I had even enjoyed myself a little. One beer was all it took to make the nightmare fade and after a second beer I had found myself flirting with someone whose name was now lost to me. I stilled vaguely remembered what he had looked like though—tall, with dark hair that was tinged with red, and very handsome by human standards. He had reminded me of Edward. Only a little because no human man could ever be as beautiful as Edward, but enough to make the hole in my chest ache with longing.

To his credit, he'd tried to talk me out of going upstairs to his room. Half-heartedly maybe, but at least he'd tried. The act in itself, at least what I remembered of it—the walls of his bedroom a swirl of colours, his body hard and hot and sweaty against mine—had been less than spectacular, disappointing even. And all the time my alcohol-addled mind, which had usually done a good job of suppressing thoughts related to Edward, had wished that it was him holding and touching me. That it was him inside me.

I had told Edward all of this in the early hours of the morning, in that brief moment right after sunrise where the sky was bright and clear and brilliantly blue, before the clouds moved it and shrouded it in grey. The sunlight filtering through the half-drawn blue curtains had painted glittering circles on our skin and although the topic of our conversation had been serious, the effect had made us both laugh and broken the tension. If Edward was bothered by the fact that I had slept with someone else, he hadn't let on. But then, there had been nothing he could say or do. He had wanted me to move on and I had trie.

The moment had been peaceful, carefree, but it didn't last. Of course it didn't. Last night it had been easy to forget about everything. In the morning, with the sky dull and grey and sinister, the sun once more thoroughly obscured, it all came rushing back.

I hadn't been lying when I told Edward that I was trying to be optimistic about the future Alice had seen, but the closer the moment of departure came, the more my anxiety grew and even as I tried to reign it in, I knew that it was a lost cause. The panic had closed like an iron fist around my heart and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed until I was barely able to move, to breathe.

I had never been more grateful that Edward had no way of knowing what I was thinking. If he had, he'd insist on coming with me and while I wanted nothing more in the world than Edward at my side when I faced Victoria, it was imperative that I went alone. Alice had looked at it from every angle possible, trying to find a solution that wouldn't leave me vulnerable and unprotected, but there wasn't one.

I wanted to tell Edward all this and more, wanted him to hold me, to tell me that it was going to be okay even though it wasn't. Instead, I sat on the shower floor, hugging my legs to my chest and barely noticing the steady drum of the scalding hot water on my shoulders. The water didn't have the calming effect it usually had. My mind was a blur of incoherent images, but there was one that was painfully clear, one that stood out prominently against the swirl of colours: Alice's vision.

Blinking through the steam, I searched for something—anything—that would make the dreadful image go away. The rug in front of the shower needed washing, as did the formerly white curtains. Empty toilet rolls were artistically piled up on the window sill next to the potted spider plant, its leaves dried and brown, it was a sorry sight. Plants and I didn't get along, with the exception of cacti, as they required very little attention and were difficult to kill. There were fingerprints all over the lower half of the window, near the bottom where you had to grip it to push it open, ovals with curved lines of white and grey that were plainly visible on the steamed-up glass. They were Jake and Quil's; vampires didn't leave fingerprints. Looking at it from the right angle, the skin was slightly uneven. Why hadn't I noticed before?

But in the end all attempts at distraction failed. Alice's vision was the only thing my vast mind seemed to have room to hold, and it taunted me mercilessly.

Edward was only a few feet down the hall, oblivious. I prayed that he'd stay where he was until the panic attack had passed. If he saw me like this… A whimper rose in my throat and I quickly clamped my hand in front of my mouth to keep it from escaping. Clearly, I was insane. I had to be. There was no other explanation for why I would do this to myself voluntarily.

_But you don't have to do this_, reason said quietly. _There's another way. There always is._

Didn't I? Was there?

No, I didn't. Yes, there was. But was I willing to pay the price? For if Victoria wasn't stopped now, more innocent people would be killed because of me. Because I was a coward.

And I couldn't let that happen.

_But I am scared…_

Downstairs, the front door opened and closed with a quiet click. Footsteps on the stairs, as light as a feather, then the rustle of fabric followed by a distinct _thump_ and Edward asked indignantly, "Alice, do you mind?"

Alice huffed. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before." Her voice was dry, amused. "And now get dressed because the others are on their way and you know how Emmett can be."

Edward muttered something I didn't catch. Then he demanded, with more irritation than indignation, "Why?"

"I'd like to talk to her in private for a moment, that's why," was Alice's even reply.

"You're keeping something from me," Edward snapped sharply.

"Am I?" Alice shot back. "And what about you, Edward? Keeping secrets, are we? Or trying to keep secrets, I should say." Her voice softened at the end—Alice's way of expression condescendence.

Edward ground his teeth in response.

"Get dressed and get out," Alice said, still in that awfully soft voice. This time it sounded ominous instead of condescending.

Edward didn't reply.

Like her brother's, Alice's patience was sadly limited. "Now!" she hissed.

Wordlessly, Edward complied. Fabric swished as he dressed swiftly, then the door to my bedroom opened and Edward stomped down the hallway, each step expressing his irritation at being thrown out. The momentarily suppressed panic flared anew as I realised that he was headed to the bathroom. I scrambled to my feet, cracking several tiles on the wall to my right with my elbow in the process. I couldn't let him see me like this!

The soft knock that sounded on the door only moments later made me flinch and my stomach sank. I held very still, eyes on what I saw of the door from behind the wall that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom. Edward only had to poke his head in to see me. _Don't come in_, I prayed silently. _Please don't come in_.

"Bella?" Edward asked quietly. There was no trace of the irritation he must still feel towards Alice.

"Yes?" I whispered, barely managing to choke back the whimper caught at the back of my throat. Again I pressed my hands in front of my face, my jaw clenched. My mouth was dry, the way it only was when I was thirsty. Or scared. As I waited for Edward to react, I held very still—it was the kind of motionlessness only a vampire could ever hope to achieve, the complete absence of movement that was only possible because I had perfect control over even the tiniest muscle in my body.

Edward didn't come in.

"Alice wants me to go for a walk," he explained apologetically. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I love you, Bella."

"I love you," I replied, no more than a whisper. My voice sounded strangled to me, hollow, but Edward didn't seem to notice.

A full second later the door slowly opened. Alice. She looked at me for a very long time before she strode past me to open the window so that the steam could dissipate. Cold air brushed across my shoulders and my back. Holding out a fluffy white towel, Alice clearly expected me to turn of the water and step out of the shower, but I couldn't bring myself to lift my arm. Another second passed and when I still didn't move, Alice turned off the water herself. With a gurgle, it disappeared down the drain. Throwing the towel over me, Alice bundled me up in her arms and carried me to my bedroom, where she sat me down amid the white crumpled sheets. Edward's scent, mixed with my own and the husky fragrance of arousal, enveloped me. I should have been embarrassed because Alice could smell the same things I could, but I wasn't. The combination of scents cut through the haze of panic, pulling me back to reality, grounding me. I inhaled deeply, focusing on the lilac-and-honey note that was Edward.

Alice was watching me closely, her expression indiscernible. "You're scared," she finally said, her voice low and soft, as if she was afraid of another melt down.

"Of course I am," I replied shakily. "Who wouldn't be? And didn't Jasper say that fear can be very useful because it tends to make you more cautious and alert?"

By the grimace on Alice face, that wasn't what she had wanted to hear. "You shouldn't go if you're this scared," she muttered. "I shouldn't make you do this."

"But you're not." I looked at her, confused. The decision to go after Victoria had been mine and mine alone. Alice wasn't making me do anything. None of them were. And I knew they'd never hold it against me if I changed my mind. "I decided this, remember?" The vision tugged stubbornly at the corners of my mind as I said this. I desperately wished I hadn't seen it because knowing what would happen and actually seeing it for myself were two very different things, but I would have to live with it. Really, what other option did I have?

It was a good thing that Alice had sent Edward away. She must have seen how he'd react if he found me while I was having hysterics and decided to intervene. Edward would never let me go if he knew the true extent of my fear.

"I'm such a hypocrite," I muttered.

"Huh?"

I sighed and unwound the towel to dry my hair. The movement stirred the perfume of scents, which caused Alice to edge away from me, visibly uncomfortable. Her nose was slightly wrinkled.

"Sorry," she said hurriedly when she saw my raised eyebrows. "It's not that it doesn't smell… nice. I like your scent and I like Edward's too. They're kind of similar."

Really? That was news to me. I sniffed my damp hair inconspicuously and shrugged. My scent wasn't anything like Edward's.

"They both have a floral base note," Alice explained, smiling. "As for this." She gestured at the crumpled sheets. "It's very intimate and private, or as private as anything can ever be in a family like ours."

"We can go downstairs if it's bothering you."

"I'll be fine," Alice replied. "It's just for a few more moments." But she rose and crossed the room, sitting down cross-legged on the window seat. In the dull morning light her skin seemed even paler than usual, which gave her a strange otherworldly look. Nobody would ever mistake her for a human if they saw her now. "You were saying something about being hypocritical?"

"Last night I gave Edward this speech about honesty and that if our relationship is supposed to work, we'd have to tell each other how we feel and, more importantly, not keep secrets from one another." I tossed the towel against the headboard in frustration and it slumped down onto the pillows with a very unsatisfying thud. "And here I am, keeping secrets."

"Keeping secrets isn't necessarily a bad thing," Alice said softly. "Being with someone doesn't mean that you have to tell that person everything. And I completely agree with you that discussing how you feel is important, but again it doesn't mean that you absolutely have to." To my surprise, she chuckled darkly. "Besides, it's not like Edward isn't keeping something from you as well."

I remembered their brief argument and Alice accusing Edward of hiding something from her… Or trying to. "Are you going to tell me?"

Alice flashed me what was supposed to be a smile but looked more like a grimace.

My stomach sank. I wasn't going to like whatever it was that Edward was hiding.

"At some point last night," Alice said, with a hint of suppressed anger, "he decided to follow you to Helena."

Although the panic had receded since Alice had come to my rescue, this revelation cut through the hovering fear like a knife and my mind cleared. I gaped at her as I struggled to understand what she had just told me. Surely I had misunderstood. I opened my mouth without knowing what to say, closed it again and opened it again and still no sound came out. I must have looked ridiculous, like a fish gasping for air, but Alice didn't laugh. Instead, she glowered at me since Edward wasn't here to be glowered at.

Finally I remembered how to speak. "He what?" I demanded. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"Afraid not," Alice replied, apologetic. "I wish I was."

"But we made it clear why he can't come. Why none of you can." The anger in my voice made me feel even more hypocritical, but I told myself that this was different. Edward's decision had the potential to screw up our entire plan.

Alice made a face. "I think he honestly forgot that I would see him there with you as soon as the decision was made. I understand where he's coming from. I really do. I don't want to let you go alone either. Hell, I don't want to let you go at all, if I'm honest. But it's your decision," Alice didn't look very happy as she said this, "and you have to go alone, otherwise we can forget about the trap." She looked at me for a moment, deliberating, then she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "Please, Bella." The softness in her tone was at odds with her rigid posture. She already knew what I was going to say, but apparently she wanted to try anyway. "It doesn't have to be this way. We'll stop her another time. There's no need to rush into this."

"I'm not rushing. Jasper, Eleazar and Edward been working on this plan for over a week now and they say we're good to go. We _have_ to go if we don't want Victoria to run off again. God knows when we'll get another chance like this. And we all know what's going to happen if we don't stop her now. More deaths, more pain and suffering and it'll be on my conscience. Please don't ask me to live with this, Alice. It's that why you came?" I asked when Alice didn't reply; she knew I wouldn't change my mind. "To talk me out of it?"

"Mostly, I just came because you were going to pieces and Edward would have freaked if he'd found you like that. But, yeah." She exhaled loudly. "I knew how you'd react even before I made that particular decision. Didn't have to be psychic for that one." She sighed, frustrated. "Still, I needed to try because you're my sister and I love you. I guess I hoped I'd be wrong this time. Although I can count how many times I've been wrong on one hand."

I cringed at the reminder. To distract myself, I started to dress. Blue jeans, a black tank top and a red button-up shirt. For once Alice didn't comment on my choice of clothing.

"So Edward wants to go?" I asked as I buttoned up the shirt. "How? By focusing on me instead of Victoria, like the rest of you are going to?"

"Something like that. He wants to hitch a ride on your plan, as stowaway. But we can't let him. Victoria has both airports watched—she really has all her bases covered—and if her contact in Helena sees Edward…" She trailed off, but she didn't need to finish.

"If that happens, we're screwed," I said darkly.

"Pretty much." Alice paused for a moment. Then she said, very slowly, "There's a chance she'll believe he's there to talk some sense into you and get you to come back to Anchorage with him, not to provide backup. Depends on the exact circumstances and on what Edward comes up with on the way. But it's still a risk we can't afford to take. I wouldn't recommend it even if the odds were in our favour, which they're not. It's not even a fifty-fifty chance. More like ten to ninety. And if Victoria decides that we're playing her—which we are—she'll run for it and make us pay for trying to deceive her."

I didn't ask for details. My imagination was well up to the task of providing a multitude of ideas how Victoria would go about that.

"This sucks," I muttered.

Alice sighed, slumping back against the window. "It does. Are you sure you're not going to change your mind?"

I gave her a faint smile. "You're the psychic. You tell me."

Alice huffed.

"Look," I continued softly, "if I told you that I _wanted_ to go, I'd be lying. But I _have_ to go. This has to stop before it gets out of hand any more than it already has." This time, when the panic came, I forced it away. Instead, I made myself go over every single reason for why I had decided to go and all of them were still valid. Nothing had changed since the decision was made. "What's the worst that can happen?" I asked Alice. "That you don't get there in time and Victoria kills me. That's the only thing I can't survive. The rest I'll live through."

Alice didn't reply, but she look she gave me told me that she thought I was insane. Maybe she was right. A sane person would never agree to that kind of thing. But it was hard not to feel responsible for Victoria's action when I was the reason she'd started this. I was aware that I was allowing Victoria to manipulate me—she seemed to know me well enough to know which buttons to press to get me to do what she wanted, like kidnapping Liv and luring me to Chicago. But that didn't change the fact that I _was_ responsible, no matter how often the others told me otherwise and how hard Edward insisted that it was his fault, since it was him that Victoria wanted to suffer.

Maybe that had been her main motivation once, when she started hunting me nine years ago. But the Cullens had been out of the picture for so long that I was pretty sure that this wasn't about Edward anymore, or at least not exclusively. It must rankle her that she hadn't killed me yet, that she had sent vampire after vampire after vampire to dispose of me and none of them had even gotten close because of the wolves. And when she finally decided to take matters into her own hands and kill me herself, Jake had been there too. She must be furious that I managed to keep evading her—which of course was what we were counting on, that her impatience and anger, which was a dangerous combination, would override her instinct of self-preservation that had allowed her to stay hidden for all this time—and that made me think that her focus had shifted from Edward to me, that she grudge she held against Edward, she now held against me as well.

And that meant that it _was_ my fault.

Finally, Alice sighed, the kind of martyred sigh that was intended to make me feel guilty—unfortunately, Victoria wasn't the only one who knew which buttons to press—but I met her gaze levelly, my eyebrows raised to show her that I knew exactly what she was doing. Alice rolled her eyes in response. "Fine," she huffed, "I won't say anymore on the subject. But if you want to abort this stupid plan at any point, you'll let me know and we'll get you out of there."

"That much I can promise," I said, relieved that she'd agreed to let it go. "Thank you, Alice."

"Please don't thank me for letting you go on a suicide mission," she growled, but her lips twitched.

"If this was a suicide mission, I would never have agreed to this," I countered. "Contrary to what everyone seems to believe, I do not have a death wish."

"One might argue that since you dated a vampire while you were still human…"

Alice laughed when I glared at her.

"Sorry, that was too good to pass up." She giggled and the tinkling sound finally broke the lingering tension. "I guess Emmett's sense of humour rubs off on you if you spend enough time with him and I have."

I believed that immediately. "So, what are we going to do about Edward? He can't come." No matter how much I wanted him to. Because if he did—even if Victoria believed that he was only there to talk some sense into me, as Alice had put it—he'd never be able to stand idly by and watch.

"Well, there's one thing we absolutely mustn't do and that's remind him that I will know what he's going to do well in advance. The more creative he's forced to get, the more difficult it will be for Jasper and me to stop him in time. You'll also have to ask Jake to leave as soon as you're through security, otherwise I won't be able to see Edward at the airport."

I nodded slowly, thinking. Once Edward had made it on the plane, there's be no way for Alice and Jasper to get to him—too many witnesses. So they'd have to get a hold of him while he was still at the airport, which would be nearly impossible with Jake there. "I see no reason why Jake wouldn't agree," I said and then sighed. "You know, if he knew what you saw, he'd probably be right behind Edward."

"That's why I won't tell the others until later," Alice answered. "Of course, I can't see how Jake will take the news."

I huffed. "Not very well. His reaction will probably be similar to Edward's, so make sure he isn't in my car when you tell him. Or close to anything breakable, like my house."

Alice grinned. "I wouldn't mind renovating."

"I bet you wouldn't," I muttered.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure your house survives." For a moment Alice's gaze grew unfocused turned slightly, staring out the window although there was nothing to see but snow and trees. Then she blinked. "Edward's on his way back, so the others must be close." Her lips tightened almost imperceptibly. "But Jake and his pack are with them, so I can't be sure."

I hid a smile. She'd never get over the fact that she couldn't see the wolves' future.

"But before we go downstairs…" Alice eyed me speculatively, lips pursed. Or rather it was my damp, tangled her that was the centre of her focus. Combing through it with my fingers, I promptly got stuck. Turning, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the inside of the closet door—Alice must have put it there since until recently the one in the bathroom had been the only mirror in this house—and made a face. With my pale skin and my hair a tangled mass, I looked like Ophelia. After the drowning.

"Go ahead," I sighed. "Brush it."

As Alice carefully moved the brush through my hair strand by strand, my thoughts slid back to her ghastly vision, but this time it was different: the detachment with which I had looked at it before my panic attack this morning was back. Confiding in Alice seemed to have helped and I wished I had gone to her sooner. Alice was the one person I could talk to without having to downplay how I felt, without having to fear that she would act against my wishes because she didn't trust my judgement—with the exception of fashion and interior design, where admittedly I was pretty much out of my depth. I should have been able to be completely honest with Edward too—like I had asked him to be with me—but it was hard because I didn't trust him to let me make my own choices.

There. I had admitted it.

I didn't trust him, horrible as it sounded. But as long as he insisted on making decisions for me I couldn't. And he had done it again, although he must be aware of how Victoria was likely to react if she realised we were trying to lure her into a trap. If he had thought things through that far, that is.

Too bad couple therapy wasn't an option for vampires.

"Alice," I said quietly, "thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome," she said, arranging my hair so that it fell neatly over my shoulders. "I love your hair." She sighed. "You have so much of it."

"That's not what I meant, you know."

Alice stepped around me to that she could meet my eyes. "Yes," she said, her lips curved into a warm smile, "I know."

oOo

This was the last briefing before the battle.

Battle… I was still having difficulty of thinking of the upcoming confrontation that way. But as Jasper suspected that Victoria had created at least over twenty vampires to assist her—and army, for all intents and purposes—the term was frighteningly appropriate. Reality, I assumed, hadn't caught up with me yet because it had only been Victoria against me for so long—at least that was what it had felt like, although now I knew that Victoria had always operated on a very large scale and I just hadn't seen the bigger picture.

Jake was just as unhappy as Edward about my part as designated bait. Once Alice got around to telling him what she had seen, he'd be livid and hopefully she'd stick to her promise and keep him away from anything that was unlikely to survive an outburst undamaged. Of the people present only Edward, Jasper, me and Alice knew every detail of the visions she had had; she had given the others a highly edited version because there was no way in hell they would let me board the plan if they knew what was going to happen. I didn't feel as bad for deceiving them as I felt for deceiving Jake because I would ask him to help Alice and Jasper make sure that Edward didn't follow me. But I knew him too well and I knew that Jake wouldn't even think twice about stopping me. He'd just do it. I hated lying to him, but there was no other way.

I had also asked Alice to tell him I was sorry. Maybe then it wouldn't be too long until he spoke to me again.

"Sam says that he's been thinking about dividing his pack into three smaller units to be more flexible," Edward was saying now, "as that is how Victoria seems to be operating. He knows it's ultimately his decision, but he still wanted to run it by us."

Jake, sitting in the doorway between kitchen and living room, nodded his big head very slowly. Although I wasn't very good at deciphering canine facial expressions, it was obvious that Jake was thinking about what Sam had said—and that he was inclined to agree. Both packs were in wolf form since it made passing along information easier. It also meant that, for the moment, Edward was too busy to concentrate on his little plan.

"Good idea," Jasper said thoughtfully. He, Alice, Edward, Eleazar and Jake had hatched the plan we'd be putting into motion in a few hours. That they all bowed so readily to Jasper's judgement when Eleazar was so much older and more experiences had surprised me—until Alice had told me that as a human Jasper had been a major in the Confederate Army and later played an important role in what she had called the Southern Wars. Vampire history, it seemed, was a lot more complex—and interesting—than I had previously assumed. Because of that Jasper was the most qualified to handle this situation, although the others had made valuable suggestions.

Except for the deceptive element, the plan was pretty straightforward. Find Victoria and her army and destroy them. And all of that while trying to keep Victoria from realising we were on to her and having a Bella bonfire.

_Has a nice ring to it though_, I thought somewhat morbidly.

"I was considering splitting us up as well," Jasper continued, "but I decided against it as we can't communicate as effectively as the wolves and I had rather we weren't in too many places at once. Please tell Sam to go ahead."

Jake huffed affirmatively.

"That is all," Edward said then. "Sam and his pack will meet us at the rendezvous point in approximately twelve hours."

That was roughly when Victoria would first show up, as Alice had foreseen. My family and Sam's pack would delay their departure for the rendezvous point in Idaho for as long as possible in order to avoid any 'stray decisions', as Eleazar, who was our designated expert regarding Victoria's gift, thought that might tip her off.

Alice had been less than thrilled when Eleazar had informed her of that particular parallel between her gift and Victoria's—it bothered her to have something in common with Victoria.

It would have bothered me too.

"Oh." Edward said. He blinked, then looked at me, surprised. "Sam has a message for you, Bella. You'd better hear for yourself."

The others were staring at us, probably as curious and baffled as I was.

"Sure," I said, uncertain. Projecting my shield over Edward, which required only very little effort when he was this close, I searched for Sam's words in Edward's mind rather than Jake's. Edward usually tried very hard to filter out any distracting background noise and having seven people in your head all at once, as was the case when Jake and his pack had phased, was rather distracting. The area in which my temporary telepathic ability worked was very small anyway, maybe six feet in diameter, so I usually read the others—which I rarely did because I didn't want to violate their privacy—via Edward as it required less concentration.

_Here goes_, Edward said as he pulled up the memory of Sam's words for me to hear. _Bella_, Sam said, his mental voice just as deep and compelling as his real voice, _I wanted to wish you good luck myself. I am sorry about how things are… were… between us. I wasn't entirely fair on you. Jake was right: Seeing you in person, I've come to realise that you're still very much Bella. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you both. Please believe that at the time I was doing what I thought was best for my pack._

"I do," I said softly, touched because—understandably—Sam never admitted that he was wrong to people he didn't consider pack, even when he was. That he did now meant a lot to me. "I always have. Thank you, Sam."

_Wow_, Seth said slowly and I realised that Jake must have been thinking about what Sam had said as well. _That was… something._

_Yeah_, Quil agreed. _Wow._

_Can't believe he said that_, Embry said.

_Me either_, Brady said.

_I knew he'd come around eventually_, Claire replied rather smugly. _I heard him and Em discussing it last night when they thought I was asleep._

The only one who didn't offer a comment on Sam's apology was Leah and she was trying very hard to keep her thoughts on the matter to herself. Leah and I weren't what you'd call friends, but we got along. Most of the time. For a very long time Leah had been a mystery to me. I had assumed her bitterness was a result of Sam imprinting on Emily, but that wasn't all. It was the entire werewolf 'crap'—her words, not mine— that she was so bitter about because it had completely thrown her life off track. That she had lost Sam because of it was a factor, yes, but that she had lost her father because of it too weighed far heavier. Nobody had ever talked to me about it because no matter how much Jake had liked to pretended otherwise, I wasn't pack, but I had pieced it together eventually. Leah thought that the shock of her being a werewolf was what had caused the heart attack that killed her father. So she blamed herself for his death, but she blamed the vampires more because without them she would never have phased in the first place. I understood why we couldn't be friends, just as I understood why she hated us so much. She wasn't as bitter as she used to be, but what she had gone through had changed her and not even a loving husband and the child she had longed for and finally gotten could undo these changes.

_Guys_, Jake said, _we're in the middle of something so shut up!_ They didn't seem to listen. A discussion of which I only caught bits and pieces ensued and the chorus of single and yet connected voices in my head broke my concentration and my shield snapped back. The beacon that was Edward's life force vanished. I instantly felt as if I had lost something vital, like I always did when I had shielded him.

"What did he say?" Alice asked curiously.

"He wished me good luck," I said evasively because telling her everything would have felt like violating Sam's trust and Alice, after exchanging a quick look with Jasper, let it go.

"He's gone," Edward reported a moment later. "Anything else we need to discuss before we leave?" He was looking at me as he said this and his arms tightened around my waist. I dreaded the moment where he would have to let me go and, by the look on his face, so did he. Did he honestly think Alice and Jasper would let him leave? How could he possibly have forgotten that she would see whatever he decided? But maybe he hadn't and was hoping that she hadn't—and wouldn't—see his exact plan because of Jake. If so, then he was hoping in vain. After I had decided to ask Jake to go home as soon as I was through security, Alice had seen in detail what Edward intended to do.

"I have a question," Esme said, the concern in her voice plain. Her eyebrows were pulled together in a dubious frown. "You probably thought about this, but I was wondering why Victoria has never tried to go after Bella's mother. It makes me think that maybe we've overlooked something…" Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

"Mom and I aren't that close anymore," I explained quietly. "Even before I was changed we barely spoke. I guess after all that had happened to me and after I learned that there really are things that go bump in the night, I wanted to protect her. She's too fragile for this world. She's happy with Phil, I know that much. Victoria probably knows that losing Mom would hurt… But that losing Charlie or Jake or any of you would hurt more." Put like this, it sounded callous and I felt a twinge of guilt in my stomach. I loved my mother, but after I had moved to Forks we had gradually drifted apart and I was grateful for that, glad even. Saying goodbye to Charlie had been hard enough. "At least that's what we think," I added. "Apart from that, we really have no idea why Victoria has left her alone."

Esme nodded unhappily.

"Please don't worry," Jasper said softly. "We're as certain as we can be that we've thought of everything." He flashed her a reassuring smile, followed by a wave of confidence that was directed at all of us. "It'll be okay. _We_ will be okay."

Esme still didn't look convinced. Carlisle closed his hand around Esme's and squeezed it reassuringly.

This was it then. We had discussed the plan one last time, had made last minute changes and now everything was ready.I looked at the faces of my family, at Esme and Carlisle, who were sitting on the couch and wearing matching expressions of unhappiness. I looked at Alice and Jasper, Alice sitting in the armchair and Jasper standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders, and at Rosalie and Emmett, standing by the window a foot apart and yet closer together than they had been all week. Carmen and Eleazar, who were sitting on the floor, wedged in between Tanya and Irina. Kate, sitting to Irina's left. I looked at Jake lying in the doorway, the tip of his tail twitching in agitation because he didn't want to let me go any more than Edward did, and past him through the open backdoor where I Embry, Seth, Quil and Brady were sitting, the latter so brilliant a white that the fresh snow looked grey and dull in comparison. I glanced up at Edward last and he tilted his head so that I could meet his golden eyes. He still smelled of me—which of course Emmett had commented on earlier—and for some reason I found this strangely satisfying, as if now that my scent was all over him he truly belonged to me.

My family. How many would we lose? I wondered, fighting the fear that blossomed in my stomach, not fear for myself but for them. If one of them got killed, it would be my fault. Like everything else that had happened was my fault.

Jasper and Edward sighed almost simultaneously in exasperation.

"It's _not_ your fault," Edward whispered, so low that only I could hear. "Please stop thinking that. If you want to blame someone, blame me."

Jake rumbled low in his throat, a sound that reminded me of distant thunder. The canine version of clearing his throat.

"Yes, we should leave," Edward said evenly and even though his face was smooth and gave nothing away, his shoulders were tense. "Bella can't miss her flight."

In the end, saying goodbye wasn't as hard and painful as I had anticipated. Maybe the others had come to the same—if somewhat irrational—conclusion I had, that saying goodbye was like accepting that we'd inevitably lose someone. It wasn't any different to when I was only going to work. Only Esme held me longer than she normally would have. Then they were gone and Edward and I were alone, or as alone as we could be, with four wolves roaming the woods around my house and Jake upstairs; he was exchanging his sweatpants for clothes more suitable to be worn in public. Edward's arms had been around my waist the entire time; now he turned me around so that I faced him and pressed his lips gently against my forehead, his fingers entangled in the hair at the base of my skull.

He didn't want to say goodbye either.

"I truly wish you could come with me," I whispered. In response, his shoulders tensed and his body grew stiff against mine, and very still. _If I looked into his mind now_, I wondered, _what would I see? _Nothing probably. He wouldn't want me to know that he intended to accompany me to Helena. But Alice already knew and Edward knew that she did, so what was the point? Maybe he was trying to imitate Victoria and work around Alice's visions. Well, a snap decision wouldn't work since she was already on to him. What exactly had he planned, then? And couldn't he guess how Victoria would react if she found out that we were trying to outsmart her?

But would I act any differently if our places were reversed?

Edward sighed. "So do I." He was smiling faintly when he pulled back, the crooked smile he knew I loved, and I realised that he was convinced he would succeed, that he would manage to evade Alice and follow me to Helena—and destroy our carefully laid plan in less time than it had taken him and the others to devise it.

Men could be such idiots.

Unfortunately, Edward's presence was required at the airport to sell it to Victoria's contact there—she seemed to have people everywhere and we intended to use that to our advantage—that I was leaving Anchorage—and the Cullens—for good. Otherwise, Alice and Jasper and maybe even a few wolves would already be sitting on him. Literally.

"Guys, we really need to leave now," Jake said as he jogged down the stairs, taking two at a time. He had finally gotten around to buying new clothes and was wearing a black button-up shirt and a faded pair of jeans. He had even yanked a comb through his hair. He still looked somewhat dishevelled, even though his clothes were crisp and wrinkle-free since Mrs Morris had ironed them, and I detected no trace of the excitement the prospect of a vampire hunt normally induced. Instead, Jake's forehead was creased and his lips pressed so tightly together they were almost white. I wasn't used to Jake showing it this openly when he worried about me, and my stomach lurched.

It must have shown on my face because on the way to the car down the slippery path, Jake did his best to replace his grimace of worry with his usual confident expression. It wasn't working though and in the end, he gave up and slid into the passenger seat without a word and the concerned frown still in place.

Turning, I met Edward's gaze. He was standing next to his new shiny, black Volvo, calmly looking at me over the edge of the open driver's door. No last kiss, no last embrace. He was convinced he'd see me again in a few hours and… do what exactly? Keep Alice's visions from coming true? Had he even thought this through? Or was he so focused on how to evade Alice that he'd decided to make up the rest as he went along?

_What a brilliant plan_, I thought rather ironically as I got into the car, hoping fervently that Alice and Jasper would manage to stop him.

**Did you like it? Do you think Edward's plan will work or will Alice and Jasper manage to stop him?**


	37. Reprieve

**A/N: I know it's been a while—like it always is when I upload a new chapter—and I hope you won't be disappointed with this chapter. The next chapter is already half done and I've been trying to work on it every day, at least for a little, so hopefully it won't be another month till you get to see it. Hope springs eternal and all that.**

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and the private messages you sent me. It makes me so happy that for some of you it was Lifelines that got you hooked on fan fiction! Also, thank you for putting Lifelines on your favourites lists! **

**A very special thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW. Thank you so much for your time and your support!**

**Previously…**

**The Cullens finally put their plan to go after Victoria in motion. Bella wants to go alone, but Edward has other plans and they might just permanently damage their still fragile relationship…**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

37. REPRIEVE

EDWARD

_Tell me why all the best laid plans_

_Fall apart in your hands_

_And my good intentions never end_

_The way I meant_

_Best Laid Plans by James Blunt_

Even as I stomped through the trees, kicking at the fresh snow every now and then, I was aware of how immature I was acting. Like I was really just a seventeen-year-old teenager and not a vampire many years older than that. But I couldn't help it—although I knew that my dilemma was hardly Alice's fault, I couldn't make the anger boiling in my chest go away.

She had betrayed me.

_You know that isn't true_, my conscience put in.

Had I asked her to keep my decision secret?

_No_, I admitted,_ I hadn't. _Alice would have seen my future shift the moment I decided to follow Bella to Helena and maybe, if I had called her and explained to her why I had to go, she would have understood. But I hadn't and it was clear that she didn't understand, although I had thought that Alice of all people would.

In our family Alice and I were the odd ones out. The psychic nature of our gifts set us apart from the others and we were the reason our family didn't keep secrets—it was simply not possible. Over the years Alice had become more than my sister. She was my friend, my best friend, and my confidante—had always been except for the decade after leaving Forks—and she always, _always_ supported me.

Except for now.

Why else had she come to see Bella this morning? _Keeping secrets now, are we? _she had accused me. _Or trying to keep secrets, I should say_.

I shouldn't have counted on Alice to keep this to herself, but I had. Knowing that Alice had probably only intervened because she had seen what would happen if I failed to follow Bella undetected by Victoria's henchmen, didn't soothe my anger. She had to know that I didn't have a choice. I couldn't go back into the darkness I had just emerged from. I couldn't lose her again—forever this time. Didn't Alice understand? I thought she would, but apparently I had been wrong.

If only I had never thought of this plan. If only Bella didn't feel responsible for everything Victoria had done.

Or maybe… I stopped, staring at the tiny lights a few miles ahead, a handful of bright dots that shone through the dull greyness of this morning like stars, without really seeing them. I had wandered in the opposite direction of home; I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, not in the mood I was in. Maybe this wasn't about Victoria at all. Maybe Alice had seen _Bella's_ reaction and that was the reason she'd decided to stop me. But that was unlikely because if she had, she would have talked to me first and not gone straight to Bella.

My heart clenched at the thought.

I hadn't spent too much time thinking about what Bella would say when she found out that once again I had made a decision—a decision that concerned us both—without discussing it with her. It wasn't any different from what I had done nine years ago and even my intention was the same: protecting her. Bella had repeatedly made it clear that she didn't want me there with her because if Victoria realised that we were trying to trick her, it could only end badly. I didn't know if she'd be able to forgive me for trying to override her decision, especially after what she had said last night about honesty. After _all_ that had happened last night.

"I'd rather be apart from her than know she's dead and I was safely holed up here out of danger," I said to nobody in particular. For the briefest of moments the sky cleared and a ray of sunlight shot down, reflecting off the snow, which glittered like a hundred diamonds. But it was gone as quickly as it had come and the analogy wasn't lost on me.

For a few hours my life had been filled with light again, with Bella's warmth and softness, and I had revelled in that light, like a blind man who, after years and years in the dark, had regained his sight. Without Bella my life was utter darkness, and her light had shot through it like an arrow—like the ray of sunlight had just shot through the clouds. But the light was already fading, the darkness—the clouds—moving back into place, and it was my fault. I saw it happening, was aware of what it would do to our fragile relationship if I went through with this, but thanks to Alice I had no way out now. As far as our relationship was concerned, it didn't matter whether I went with her or not. Bella already knew that I had decided this on my own and apologising wouldn't change the fact that I had intended to go behind her back. It wouldn't make it okay.

It wasn't that I had thought I wouldn't have to confront her about it eventually, but I had expected it to be later rather than sooner, had thought I'd have until after this was over. If it worked, if I was able to keep her safe, then she would see that going with her had been a good idea and while that didn't make keeping it from her okay either, she probably—hopefully—would have been less angry with me than she'd be now.

I couldn't even blame her. If our places were reversed and if she were the one who had lied and I the one who'd been lied to, I would have been angry too.

But I couldn't _not_ go because I couldn't lose her. Maybe we'd get there in time to prevent the worst, but there was the very likely possibility that we'd be too late because a lot could happen in ten minutes. I'd never be able to live with myself if she died because I hadn't been there for her. Just as I wouldn't be able to live without her in my life. It wasn't just Bella I was trying to protect—I was trying to protect myself as well. I had hovered on the brink of insanity once and I had managed to stay on the ledge instead of falling into the abyss—but only just. A second time I wouldn't be able to keep the depression at bay and, with Bella dead, I would have no reason to try. Sacrificing Bella's trust in me—_if_ she trusted me at all, that was—was a small price compared to sacrificing _her_. Even if she wasn't with me, at least she'd be alive.

It was funny, really, how death put everything into perspective, how it made you realise the important things in life and hidden truths. A few days ago the mere thought of a future without Bella in it as my mate had threatened to push me back into the darkness. Now I was prepared to accept just that, if only she'd survive the day.

And there was something else that I realised as I stood there alone in the forest, the silence around me complete except for the occasional sound of traffic whenever the wind picked up and carried it in my direction. Bella had asked me if she was a monster and I had told her no. I had come to understand that there was a difference between predator and monster: for the former killing was instinctual and an undeniable part of its nature, but it had no cruel, evil intentions like the latter. The predator was part of who we were, _defined_ who we were, to some extent at least. But there were monsters among us too—just as there were human monsters—like James and Victoria, who took pleasure in hurting others. I was a predator, but I wasn't a monster, hadn't been in a very long time. Or so I had thought. Because if I was prepared to sacrifice the lives of others and willing to accept that Victoria would—probably—go on a killing spree to punish us for trying to play her, what did that make me if not a monster? Was I any better than she was? Any better than James had been? My intentions, pure as they were, didn't matter. The outcome did. And if I didn't succeed, if Victoria had reason to believe that Bella showing up in Helena was a trap, whatever came next would be my responsibility. Bella—selfless, compassionate Bella—would never risk that, but I wasn't like her. I was too selfish to lose her again, selfish enough that I'd accept that my actions would cause other people pain.

But losing her would be unbearable and that left me no choice. I had to go with her, even if it meant losing her trust, maybe even losing her as my mate. Alice and Jasper would surely try to stop me, but I'd find a way to evade them because I had to.

Because I had no other option.

When I got back to the house the others were already there and neither Alice nor Bella brought up what I had decided. I wasn't so naive as to believe that this meant that Alice hadn't told on me. She had—the look in Bella's eyes whenever she glanced my way was worried and oddly calculating. As I couldn't tell when Bella was inside my head and when she wasn't, I had to keep my mind clear, an exercise I found difficult to the point of impossible. Contrary to what I had expected, Alice wasn't shutting me out like she had before. Instead, she was trying very hard to think of nothing in particular. I got the impression that she wanted me to forget about her foresight, hoping I'd get careless in my planning. If the situation hadn't been so dire, I found have found the fact that Alice was counting on me to forget, or at least not think of, something highly amusing.

Of course I had taken her talent into account and Alice must have known that because I hadn't committed anything yet. Driving to the airport, I considered the options that I had. I had banished every other thought, thoughts about Bella and how what I was about to do—and had already done—would affect our future together, from my mind; I couldn't afford to worry, or be distracted. With Alice watching my every move, the only thing I had done to prepare myself was hack into the database of the City of Anchorage and memorise the blueprints of the airport. Over the last decade it had grown considerably, and I didn't have the time for reconnaissance with Alice and Jasper on my heels. Aside from that, I would have to make it up as I went. Literally.

I refused to even consider the possibility that my plan wouldn't work. I would get on that plane, one way or another. I had to.

But first there was the matter of the spectacle we had to create to convince Victoria's contact at the airport that Bella was leaving Anchorage for good—and on bad terms with the rest of us. Alice didn't know whether the contact was a vampire or a human, but there had to be one, otherwise Alice wouldn't have seen Bella get picked up at the airport in Helena. I hadn't been told the specifics and neither had Alice so that I didn't accidentally pluck it out of her head—she had said it was imperative that I acted as naturally as possible. That meant that I probably wasn't going to like much whatever Bella planned to say or do, but I was consoled by the fact that it wouldn't be real.

In the chaos of mid-morning traffic I had lost sight of Bella's car, but I'd find her again as soon as I reached the airport. Weaving through traffic faster than was wise, I took the right exit for the airport. A conglomeration of differently sized buildings appeared in the distance and behind them the mountains, slightly obscured by this morning's persistent mist. Once off the city highway, traffic became bearable and I really floored it, slowing down as I passed a radar trap; I didn't have time for that this morning.

The closer I got to my destination, the harder I had to fight to keep the thoughts I'd been trying to shut out from drifting back in. They floated around the edges of my mind and although I tried, I couldn't get a hold on them and push them away. It was annoying to the point of infuriating that I was incapable of suppressing unpleasant thoughts; I needed to focus now, not worry about what would or could be. Right now there was nothing more important than getting on that plane—and off it—unnoticed.

_I'd rather be apart from her than know she's dead because of me_, I told myself as I parked the car. _Just hold on to that thought_.

Bella wasn't hard to find. Attuned to her scent as I was, it was effortless to pick up on it almost the second I got out of the car. Pretending to be in a hurry, I pushed recklessly through the people streaming towards the elevators, ignoring the angry shouts and angry thoughts that flew my way. To save time I took the stairs, taking care not to move faster than was appropriate for a human. I was alone, but there were security cameras mounted to the walls on every level and I couldn't draw attention to myself. It was a small miracle that the Volturi hadn't stepped in yet. The last thing we needed was for them feel obligated to come here and put an end to this and as they'd probably hold us at least partially responsible for what had happened, we were better off without them here.

Still, the thought of them taking out Victoria and taking care of this mess for us was a nice one.

The flight Bella planned to take was leaving from the south terminal. She had called the airline on the way here as booking days in advance would hardly have been inconspicuous and I found her at the check-in, waiting for the check-in agent to print out her boarding pass. Jacob was standing right beside her, his hand on the small of her back.

A family of five moved into my line of vision and Bella disappeared from my sight. I shoved past them with a half-hearted apology. Even as I hurried towards the check-in I scanned the people around me, looking for Victoria's contact. No mind stood out, which meant he or she wasn't a vampire. A human then. The cacophony of thoughts would take time to sort through and it was fortunate that out plan didn't depend on us figuring out who it was. We just had to deliver a good show.

Jacob angled his body slightly away from Bella, scanning the crowd like I was, his eyebrows knitted together. We hadn't spoken much this morning as he'd been too focused on pack matters and last minute plan changes. He'd been trying very hard to keep his mind busy. Like Alice he'd wanted me to 'forget' that they were on to me, but he wasn't nearly as good at shutting me out as my sister. When his eyes met mine, his face darkened.

No, he wasn't at all happy with me for going behind Bella's back.

I could hardly blame him. He'd chosen to support Bella by accepting her decision, by letting her go. But I couldn't do that because I couldn't risk losing her. It would have been easy to attribute Jacob's willingness to let Bella get herself killed to the fact that he didn't love her as much as I did, but that would neither have been true nor fair on him. He did love her and that was why he did as she had asked. He trusted her to do the right thing.

It wasn't that I didn't trust her. Looking at it objectively, I could see that Bella was right, that we had to end this before it got even more out of hand. We had an opportunity, we needed to use it. It was as simple as that. But it was so easy for Bella to put the needs of others over her own. Even though she was scared she was prepared to go through with this. I admired that, even respected it because I could never be that selfless, but I couldn't accept it. Not this time, not so soon after I had found her again. Living apart from her was one thing, knowing that she was dead because I hadn't been there to save her quite another.

I was aware that I tended to be overly pessimistic, but the way I saw it, a healthy dose of pessimism made sure that you covered all your bases. By expecting the worst possible outcome, you couldn't be surprised and you could prepare for it. That was I was doing. The worst possible case in this scenario was that Victoria killed Bella before we could get to her. By going with her I could at least try to prevent that from happening.

Jacob lowered his head and whispered, "Showtime," into Bella's ear. She nodded once, the pony tail she had gathered her hair into after leaving bobbing up and down. She turned, searching the crowd, and then her eyes locked on me. Her face was smooth, expressionless. I frowned. Alice had worried about my acting skills, but what about Bella's? If the past was any indication, she couldn't deliver a lie if her life depended on it. She must have gotten better at it simply out of necessity, but that didn't mean her performance now would be believable.

_Too late to worry about that now_, I told myself.

"I thought I told you not to come," Bella said when I finally stood in front of her, her voice as even as her expression. Jacob glared at me from over her head. He didn't have to pretend anything.

"I know," I replied, somewhat relieved I didn't have to come up with an appropriate opening line. Alice should at least have given me a hint. "And I'm sorry, but I think you're overreacting. Please, I'm sure we can work this out. Come home with me."

Bella raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm overreacting? Why am I always the one who's overreacting, Edward? _You_ left _me_, remember? _You_ lied to _me_, not the other way around. Still, I forgave you for that because I love you and because I thought you had changed. But you haven't. Not a bit. You had to go screw it up, like you screw everything up when something doesn't go the way you want it to. Well, newsflash—you're not the centre of the universe, Edward. But wait, _I_ am the one who's overreacting, so forget what I just said." With that she spun around, grabbed her passport and her boarding pass off the counter and started towards the security check. Jacob smirked at me before he strode after her with her duffel bag.

_She's right, you know_, was his not very helpful remark.

I stood rooted to the spot, stunned. What had just happened? This wasn't supposed to be real, only an act, yet Bella had meant every word she had said. She wasn't pretending anything. She was using this opportunity to give me a piece of her mind and despite what I had told myself earlier, her words struck deep.

The thought that keeping her alive was more important than being with her suddenly offered very little comfort.

"Bella, wait!" I called and, remembering how to make my feet move, hurried after her.

"Watch where you're going," a woman snapped as I accidentally stepped on her foot.

"Sorry," I muttered, pushing past her. Another man stepped in my way and I had to manoeuvre around him, only to trip over a stroller. Vampiric speed and grace were of no use in crowds like this and the people around me didn't seem to feel like cooperating; they kept popping up in front of me, forcing me to find a way around them.

Bella was already through security when I finally reached her.

"Wait!" I called again. "Can we please just talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Edward," she said impatiently. "I shouldn't have asked you to be honest because clearly you're incapable of honesty. Just leave me alone. I'm sick and tired of you screwing up my life."

The security officer had been following our conversation. Now his arm shot out as I took an automatic step forward. Bella had already disappeared around the corner. Going after her now was a decidedly bad idea, but what if she'd meant it? How could I be sure of her feelings to me after what I had done? Sometimes love just wasn't enough—she had said so on the flight to Chicago. Maybe my decision had been the final straw.

But no. I refused to believe that. Even if she truly wanted to leave me, she'd never do it like this. She'd only said it to make her decision to leave Anchorage more plausible. But that didn't mean that she hadn't meant at least part of what she'd said. Of what she'd accused me of.

"Please step back, sir," the security officer said. I complied unwillingly, but the man kept eying me uneasily. He'd had his fair share of ex-boyfriends and husbands that wouldn't leave their former partners alone and sometimes they did the craziest things. Clearly, he thought I fell into that category.

He was at least partially right. Following your girlfriend by hitching a ride on a plane as stowaway _was_ slightly insane.

By the time I turned around to put my private plan into action, Jacob was gone. He had left so that his presence wouldn't blind Alice. Were she and Jasper already here? Looking for their minds, I came up empty, so they either hadn't arrived yet or were out of reach. I assumed the latter. Bella's flight was scheduled to leave in forty minutes, which meant I only had a few minutes left before they finished loading the luggage. I had to be in the cargo hold before they sealed it.

The question was just how.

While I considered my—very limited—options I wandered aimlessly through the departure hall, making sure that I was surrounded by people at all times. With that many witnesses about, Alice and Jasper wouldn't dare grab me and drag me home kicking and screaming, as they certainly would have preferred.

To get outside I'd have to go one level down and pass through a maze of security areas that I'd only be able to access with a security ID. Disabling the security system would take too long and would also attract too much unwanted attention, not to mention give Alice and Jasper enough time to find me.

I glared at nobody in particular. This would have been a whole lot easier had Alice been on my side. The little girl that happened to stand in front of me stared at me with wide blue eyes, scared by my hostile expression. She clutched her pinkish soft toy that vaguely resembled Winnie the Pooh tighter and began yanking at her mother's sleeve with her free hand. Tears were already welling up.

_Way to go, Edward_, I told myself, annoyed. _She'll probably be having nightmares for the rest of the week._

I forced my lips into a smile, but it didn't have the comforting effect that I had aimed for. The girl started wailing instantly. I spun around before her parents had a chance to see what had upset her and took cover behind a pile of luggage.

I was running out of time and I still couldn't get a read on either Alice or Jasper; they were staying out of reach. As there wasn't much they could do before I had committed to a course of action, I assumed they were waiting for me to make the first move.

I didn't want to make a decision, but I had to. Soon.

And then, as I watched a couple check in, I suddenly had an idea. I didn't know why it hadn't occurred to me before—it was the perfect solution to my dilemma, simple and elegant. If I did this, Alice wouldn't be able to stop me without causing a massive scene and she'd never do that.

Clearly, I had been thinking too complicated again. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

Sprinting back to the check-in counters, I dug my wallet out of the back pocket of my jeans. I still had my passport on me; I had never put it back in its drawer after flying to Chicago last week. I slapped the passport on the desk along with my credit card. The woman, the same that had checked in Bella earlier, flinched back. She hadn't seen me coming.

"I need to be on that flight to Helena," I told her curtly. No time for getting her to do what I wanted the nice way.

"But the boarding has already begun," she started, then snapped her mouth shut again when I gave her a long, hard stare. Her fingers flew over the keyboard at the speed of light. She wanted to get rid of me as quickly as possible. "Economy is full," she said eventually, looking up and then dropping her gaze again when she saw the look in my eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest. "But I can put you in first class, if that's alright with you, sir."

I looked pointedly at my black American Express card.

She swallowed. Her heart was racing. "I guess it is," she muttered without meeting my eyes again.

Two minutes later I had a boarding pass and was standing in line at the security check. The security officer from before glared at me as I walked through the scanner, assuming correctly that I was planning on following my girlfriend although said girlfriend had made it very clear only minutes earlier that she didn't want me anywhere near her ever again.

_Edward, stop!_ Alice screeched in my head.

Turning, I looked for her and Jasper in the crowd. I discovered them by the elevators, Alice straining in Jasper's grip. She was fuming.

Jasper was torn between admiration and annoyance, though the latter was mostly due to the fact that my actions had the potential to screw up the plan he'd spent days perfecting. _Nice move, Edward_, he said admiringly. _But you do know what Victoria will do if she realises we're trying to trap her, right?_

I shrugged.

Alice snarled. Jasper pulled her closer; she looked ready to launch herself at me, and witnesses be damned.

_Not to mention that Bella will be beyond pissed_, Jasper continued_. But I guess it's your funeral. Just make sure you keep up the charade. Hey, maybe you showing up there will it make it even more believable. I really hope so anyway, for your sake. Good luck. See you later_. Alice fought him every step of the way as he began steering her away, glaring at me from over her shoulder, her thoughts reduced to a nearly incoherent mess of expletives.

She was not going to forgive me for this anytime soon.

There were only a handful of passengers left when I reached the waiting area and Bella was one of them. Entering, I saw her stiffen and then turn around. She didn't seem very surprised to see me, just unhappy.

_No_, I corrected myself, _she's not unhappy_. 'Unhappy' was far too mild a word to describe the expression on her face. My mouth went dry. Somehow it hadn't occurred to me before now that buying a ticket and travelling as a regular passenger meant that I'd have to face Bella again much, much sooner than I had originally planned.

"Alice is pissed," she hissed, her lips barely moving. "And so am I. What the hell were you thinking? Oh wait," she snapped without giving me a chance to explain myself, "you weren't. You never think."

"I…" I began, although I didn't have the faintest idea what to say. She was partially right—I hadn't thought this all the way through, but contrary to what she seemed to believe I _had_ considered the consequences of my actions. At least I thought I had.

Bella didn't let me finish. Her voice was like steel when she spoke, but it was the edge of disappointment to her tone that really hurt. "I don't want to hear it, Edward. I really don't." Grabbing her bag, she spun around and walked away.

~oOo~

My relief when the plane finally lifted off was short-lived. I had succeeded—I was with Bella and I should have been happy, or at the very least satisfied, that things had worked out as well as they had. Instead, a feeling of unease settled in my stomach and grew with every passing mile. The feeling was familiar; after breaking up with Bella, it had been my sole companion, first in Brazil and then in Siberia, constantly questioning the decision that had led me there. At the time I had refused to acknowledge it. I had been hanging on to my sanity by a thread—recognising that I had made a mistake would have sent me over the edge into the abyss, although I must have been aware of it on some level. Doing the right thing shouldn't be so painful and it shouldn't hurt the ones you love.

The feeling was back now and this time I did acknowledge it. In the forest all had seemed so clear to me, but now everything was muddled and confused and blackened by regret and I didn't know what to do anymore. What was the right thing to do? Go home? But the damage was already done and nothing I did now could make it go away. An apology wouldn't change that and I doubted that Bella would even want to hear it. Here I was, doing the very thing I already had apologised for and promised her not to do it again. She'd never believe me, not that I could blame her. What did it say about our relationship, about how I thought about Bella as my partner that I seemed to have no problem going behind her back like this? That I didn't trust her. Probably. That I didn't consider her my equal? Definitely.

I thought of the last time Bella and I had been on a plane together. Since then she had forgiven me, was willing to give our relationship a second chance, yet nothing had really changed. _I _hadn't changed, although I had sworn to myself that I would try. But I couldn't. I desperately wanted to be for Bella who she needed me to be—who I could be if I left my tendency to control everything behind—but it was so hard and I didn't know how. I had destroyed our relationship once. I couldn't let it happen again.

Yet here I was. Again I had screwed everything up. Last night had been the epitome of happiness for me, sheer and utter bliss. Now I felt that my actions had somehow tarnished these treasured memories; I couldn't look at them without feeling horrible.

Time wouldn't pass.

Jasper texted me, informing me that Alice would skin me the next time she laid eyes on me and that her vision regarding Bella's arrival in Helena was still as clear as before, which meant that so far my interference hadn't changed anything. At least something was working out.

Rosalie texted as well. _Why do you have to ruin everything? _and _How can you be so stupid?_ were some of the nicer things she wrote.

_What the hell is wrong with you?_ Emmett's text message said.

After Esme's—_I'm disappointed in you, Edward!_—I switched my cell phone off. It shouldn't have been on anyway.

Twice I worked up the courage to go and talk to Bella, but it left me as soon as I reached the curtain separating first class from economy. I didn't want to leave things like this, but there was nothing I could say.

At some point the clouds below turned charcoal black. Alice had predicted rain for Montana and a massive thunder storm for later that day that would keep any human in his right mind from venturing outside into the wilderness where he might see something he wasn't supposed to.

Why did my decisions always backfire? With the benefit of hindsight, it was easy to see where I'd gone wrong—and easy to regret the decisions that, at the time, I had thought _were_ right—but I also saw that I hadn't learned from my mistakes.

And my biggest mistake wasn't leaving Bella—it was not trusting _her_ to make the right decisions and making decisions for instead of with her. Arrogant as I was, I had assumed I knew what was best for her. It hadn't occurred to me to ask her what she wanted, let alone discuss it with her, knowing she'd demand things that I thought weren't right for her. Like becoming a vampire. But who was I to judge what was right and wrong? I wasn't her father—thank God for that!—and she wasn't a child, yet I kept treating her as such.

Bella's decisions were guided by her sense of right and wrong. She very rarely made the kind of selfish decisions I did. The only thing she had ever wanted for herself, the only thing she had ever asked of me was change her. And I had turned her down over and over again because it wasn't what I had wanted. I'd wanted her to live a happy human life, get married, have children. It was what I had thought she deserved and seeing how unhappy Rosalie sometimes was with the life she led, I had wanted more for her.

But that wasn't what she'd wanted. I should have trusted Bella to know her own mind, but she'd been so fragile, so breakable. I'd wanted to protect her: From the pain of the transformation, from having to leave her parents because staying in touch was too dangerous and from regretting her choice one day. In the end, none of these things had mattered and I wished desperately it was me who'd changed her, not Victoria. The thought of her venom in Bella's body made my skin crawl. But it was too late for that, too late for regrets. The past couldn't be changed and yet it was so very hard to accept that fact.

If I had listened to Bella, had really thought about what she wanted instead of refusing to even talk about the subject of her becoming a vampire, convinced I knew her better than she knew herself, neither of us would have had to go through hell.

I shouldn't have come.

There were a lot of things I shouldn't have done and things that I should have done, starting with doing what I was told. How could I claim to trust Bella and respect the decisions she made when I did the exact thing she'd asked me not to the second she turned her back on me? She'd begged me to stay and still I'd left her. If I had listened to her—or even to Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Alice when they tried to talk me out of leaving—then she wouldn't have to face Victoria on her own now. Maybe wouldn't have had to face her at all. Our future could have been certain. If I had changed her, we'd be living our happily ever after now, blissfully happy for the rest of eternity. But I had taken that possibility away from us both.

Now there might never be a happily ever after. I chuckled darkly. Here I was, worrying about the happy ending I wanted our story to have when there was a chance we might not even have a future in which to live it.

Behind me thick fabric swished softly. The air shifted and a familiar scent washed over me. I stiffened, suddenly unable to breathe, but I didn't turn until she said softly, "What she hell were you thinking, Edward?" sounding more resigned—and weary—than angry. Slowly, I turned. Bella just stood there, her arms hanging by her side, her head cocked slightly as if to gauge my reaction, but at the same time she looked as if she wasn't really interested in an explanation, or an apology. Her expression matched her tone. Weary. Reaching up, she pushed a tendril of hair back behind her ear. Her pony tail had come loose and her hair fell around her shoulders again in thick waves of mahogany.

With a sigh, she crossed the distance between us and sat down in the free seat next to me, closing her eyes for a moment as she sank against the backrest. Studying her features, I looked for a trace of her earlier anger, but it seemed gone, replaced by resignation. Then her eyes opened again and I quickly looked away, afraid to meet her gaze.

There was nothing I could say to make things better and I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes that was surely there.

"Or were you even thinking?" she asked me. There was no sting, no edge of bitterness to her voice. Only resignation again and more weariness. As if she was thoroughly sick of everything, including me.

I didn't know how to answer. There was no excuse for my behaviour and yet I feared that everything I said now would sound like one. So I settled for the truth, hoping it would be enough.

"I thought I was," I replied quietly, still not looking at her. "I thought I wasn't acting impulsively and that for once I had thought things through, but I was and I hadn't. I shouldn't have come and I shouldn't have gone behind your back. This was your call. I should have respected that. Instead, I did what I wanted like I always do, with no regard for the consequences.

"I managed to convince myself that I was doing the right thing and that you needed me and that you'd forgive me once you saw that. But the truth is that you don't need me—it's me who needs you, who needs to know that you are safe because I can't lose you, and myself, again. I know it's selfish. It's not very hard to guess what will happen if Victoria figures out what's going on, but I don't care, callous as that sounds. You are the most important thing in my life, Bella, and my top priority.

"Neither of these things excuses what I did. I wish I could promise you that it won't happen again, but that would be a lie and you're right. There can't be no more lies, no more deceptions. I didn't think it would be so hard to be honest." At that, her expression softened and she placed her hand on mine, her touch soft and warm. I curled my fingers around hers, but I fought the crushing feeling of relief. There was one more thing I had to say. "You don't need a protector, Bella," I continued quietly. "You need a partner, someone who supports you in everything you do and trusts the decisions you make. I want to be that person for you, but I'm not sure I can and I'd understand if you didn't want to put up with that for the rest of forever."

I felt Bella's eyes on me as the minutes ticked by. The flight attendant began her second round of beverage service and the fragrant aroma of coffee and tea wafted towards me.

Eventually, Bella sighed. Lifting our entwined hands, she pressed her lips against my knuckles. My skin tingled. "Thank you," she said whispered.

Finally, I looked at her. She was smiling. "For what?"

"For your honesty. It means a lot to me. I love you, Edward, and I'm not going to leave your over this—and don't look at me like that, I know that's what you're thinking." She tapped her fingers against her forehead. She'd been reading my mind again. More than ever I wished I could read hers too. I sensed a 'but' coming and despite my relief that she wasn't planning on giving up on me, my stomach was a knot of anxiety. "But when this is over," she went on, clearly amused by my thoughts, "we're going to sit down and have a very long conversation. About everything."

"That sounds like a good plan," I said, my voice rough.

"We have forever to figure out how to make this relationship work, Edward," she replied softly. Leaning over, she kissed me, just a quick brush of her lips against mine, barely enough to taste her, yet heat spread immediately through my body like fire. "I love you," she whispered into my ear.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer in a crushing embrace, wishing I would never have to let go. That I wouldn't have to let _her _go in just a few hours.

"I have something to tell you too," she mumbled into my shoulder. Her fingers were playing with the collar of my shirt; my skin prickled every time she touched me and with her so close it was easy to imagine us somewhere else, somewhere more peaceful. Isle Esme maybe, the island Carlisle had given Esme a few decades ago. Roughly seventy sea miles off the coast of Brazil, it was away from the prying eyes of humans far enough for us to enjoy the warmth and the sun without having to worry about exposure. I imagined us lying at the beach under the azure sky. I had yet to see Bella in the sunlight and I was looking forward to it.

"Hmm?" I asked absently.

The water there was shallow and very warm—not that temperature really mattered, but it was still nice—and a rich turquoise. Coral reefs framed the island, each a different shade of red ranging from crimson to pale orange. On the north side of the island, cliffs jutted out into the sea. The water was deeper there and midnight blue and if you dove deep enough, you'd reach the remains of a small settlement that must have been erected a long time ago, before the sea had claimed that part of the island and swallowed it. Alice and Jasper had discovered it on their last trip to Isle Esme.

"Maybe you could take me there someday," Bella said; again she'd read my mind. As she straightened out of my embrace, the spell broke and the pleasant daydream vanished. "I'd love to see it." She gave me a warm smile. "I really miss the sun."

"I'm sure Esme won't mind," I replied, with a smile of my own.

"I have something to tell you," Bella said then and worry darkened her eyes. "Something which I'm pretty sure you're not going to like."

I laughed humourlessly. "At this point there's nothing I could possibly like less than you going on this crazy mission, so I doubt it'll be that bad."

Bella looked dubious for a moment, then she shrugged. "This morning Alice didn't just come over to rat you out," she ignored my _hrmph_, "she came because I was having," a brief pause, "an anxiety attack in the shower and she knew that if you saw me like that, you'd freak out."

I blinked, confused. I had talked to her while she was in the bathroom and she'd sounded fine. A little nervous maybe, but that was to be expected, wasn't it? And her hesitation indicated that it had been much, much worse than an anxiety attack. I suddenly understood why Alice had been reciting Milton to shut me out and still let it slip that she knew what I was up to. She'd tried to hide what she'd seen, not that she wanted to tell Bella what I had decided.

"But why wouldn't you tell me something like that?" I asked.

She arched her eyebrows at me. "Edward, would you've let me go if you had found me like that? Cowering in the shower and so terrified that I could barely move? Alice had to carry me back to my bedroom, for God's sake."

I started to say 'yes', then snapped my mouth shut again as I realised that she was right. If I had seen her like that, had seen her going to pieces in front of me, I would have done everything to keep her from going, even against her will. But I didn't want her to be scared. I wanted her to be safe and happy. "No," I admitted eventually, contrite and ashamed. "No, I wouldn't have. I would have found a way to stop you, with no regard for what you wanted."

Bella squeezed my arm. "See? I want to tell you these things. I don't want to keep secrets from you, but I don't…" She drew a deep breath and I suddenly knew that I was not going to like what she'd say next. "I don't trust you, Edward," she admitted. "I want to, but after all that you… after all that has happened I can't. I'm sorry."

There. She'd said it—she didn't trust me. Although this was hardly unexpected, or surprising, it still hurt. But trust needed to be earned and I had done nothing to earn hers and everything to throw it away.

"I'm going to give Alice a call," Bella said into the awkward silence that followed. "I already called her after lifting off, but I couldn't make out more than a handful of words through all the snarling. She's really mad, Edward."

I sighed. My sister's justified anger was a welcome distraction, although I'd probably change my mind about that later. "I know and she has every right to be. I'm an idiot."

"Buy her a gift," Bella suggested.

"Somehow I doubt that'll be enough this time."

Bella shrugged. "Alice loves giving gifts, I bet she loves getting them. Get her another car. One in a less hideous colour."

I snorted. "Yeah, like that would work." In a few months maybe, when the initial wave of anger had faded. Alice was quite capable of holding a grudge if she so chose.

Another shrug. "Just a suggestion. Anyway, I'll be right back. I left my cell phone in my bag." She got up and, in her hurry, moved more swiftly and more gracefully than any human ever could have. Two rows down the flight attendant flinched, startled by Bella's unexpected appearance, and dropped the paper cup she'd just filled up. In her mind I watched it fall in slow motion and hit the armrest of the seat on her left. Black liquid, still steaming, splashed over the passenger's arm. For the fraction of a second nothing happened, then he roared, at the top of his lungs, "Holy shit!"

Every head instantly turned his way. Up front, people got up in their seats to get a better look. Shocked, the flight attendant stared at the mess, hands in front of her mouth. _Shit shit shit_, was playing in her mind on repeat, interrupted only by an occasional, _At least I missed his lap_. The passenger was thinking exactly the same, relieved, even though the pain in his arm was worse than anything he'd ever felt.

I started to get up, but Bella was already by his side, gently but firmly pushing the flight attendant out of the way. "I'm Dr Swan," she said, her voice low and soothing, but full of authority and confidence. I could detect no trace of the weariness she'd displayed earlier. "May I take a look at your arm, Mr…?"

"Michael Rosenberg," he pressed out between gritted teeth. "Mike." He forced a smile. "And by all means." He nodded at his arm. "Go ahead."

"Thank you." Bella gave him a quick smile and began peeling away the stained blue fabric of his shirt, careful not to cause him further pain as she rolled the sleeve up his arm. Her nose wrinkled almost imperceptibly at the sour smell of burnt skin.

The flight attendant hovered anxiously behind Bella. "Can I get you anything?" she asked. "An ice pack maybe?"

"Yes, please," Bella replied. "Wrap it in something. And please get me your first aid kit. Edward," she continued as the flight attendant hurried towards the front of the plane, "could you get my medical kit for me, please? It's a black and about this size." She held her hands a few inches apart for illustration. "It's in my bag."

For a moment I just stared at her. She was going after Victoria and had brought a medical kit? What for? The wolves? Then again, Carlisle never went anywhere without his. Force of habit.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Bella looked at me, obviously deliberating something, then she drew a deep breath and her shoulders sagged a little. "For Liv," she explained quietly, looking away. There was no hope in her voice, only stubborn refusal to accept the truth—that Olivia was most likely dead. For that Bella wasn't quite ready yet, but she'd already stopped hoping. Olivia had been gone for a week and a half now and Victoria had no reason to keep her alive.

"I'll be right back," I said softly, wishing there was something I could do to ease her pain. The knowledge that there wasn't sat heavy on my heart.

Bella gave a curt, jerky nod.

When I returned a minute later she had regained her confidence and was pressing an ice pack wrapped in a white cloth on the man's arm, quietly asking him about his job as a travel journalist. The flight attendant was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear her talking to her co-workers about the possibility of a lawsuit.

"Thanks," Bella said as I dropped the kit in her lap. I returned to my seat. Carlisle hated people looking over his shoulder when he worked and I was pretty sure that Bella did too.

As I watched her tend to the injury, I became once again aware of how much she had changed. The Bella I had known nine years ago had always tried to blend in and avoid being at the centre of attention. She hadn't been shy exactly, but lacking the confidence she had now, the kind of confidence that came with being a doctor. Even though I had never seen her work before it was obvious to me that she was good at her job, and that she loved the profession she had chosen.

"You miss it, don't you?" I asked later when she'd wrapped the man's arm up nice and tight and given him a bottle of Tylenol for the pain. "Working with live patients, I mean," I added when she looked slightly confused.

She smiled sadly. "Yeah, I do," she said, sounding weary again. "I guess I should be grateful that my self-control is good enough for me to work at a hospital at all, but it's hard. It's not what I wanted from life. I mean, I know that it's just an interim solution until I have learned to control the bloodlust, but that day's still a long way in the future and sometimes, well, sometimes I'm just so tired of this mess that is my life."

"Your life isn't a mess," I objected. "How can you say that when you have friends and family who love you?"

"Maybe because I'm on my way to confront a homicidal vampire with psychopathic tendencies who will go on yet another killing spree if I don't stop her now?" she asked drily, eyebrows arched. Her lips were twitching; she was trying not to smile.

"Well, if you put it that way it's hard to disagree," I allowed.

Bella chuckled. "I'll be right back," she said then. "Hopefully, Alice can give me something useful. Keep your fingers crossed that she has instructions for me other than, 'Kill my brother first chance you get!'"

"That what she said?" I asked, with a sinking feeling. Alice was so going to make me pay.

Bella smiled sweetly. She was clearly with Alice on this one. No surprise there. "Word for word."

**A/N: What do you think? Does Edward finally see the light? Do you think their plan will still work despite Edward's interference? Please review! You know how much I love hearing what you think!**


	38. Showtime, Part 1

**A/N: **I have a bit of good news for you. I have already finished the next two chapters and working on the third—at least procrastination is good for something! This means you'll get a new chapter every week, at least for the next three weeks. (If I forget to update, please remind me. I'm ridiculously forgetful at the moment!) I really, really, really want to finish this story before I get too busy with exams.

I am a in a bit of a dilemma where the next few chapters are concerned. Things are going to get ugly really soon and I am not sure I'll be able to keep within the T rating Lifelines currently has. I'd rather not change it, but having said that, I also really don't want to change what I have already written. What I could do is write a T version and upload the M version as a new story. What do you think? Should I just change the rating and leave the chapter as it is or try to write a second T-rated version? I will do the latter if you want me to, but I can't promise that it will be any good.

I have received so many lovely reviews for the last chapter. Thank you all so much! It makes my day every time I see one in my inbox. I want to especially thank **pnkats**, who went back and reviewed every chapter. Also, thank you everyone who added Lifelines to your favourites/alert lists and me to your favourite author/author alert lists. This means as much to me as getting reviews!

A very special thank you to **KayMarieXW**, who is the best beta you could possibly have!

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

* * *

38. SHOWTIME, PART 1

BELLA

_Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. _

_Ambrose Redmoon_

-oOo-

As I strode towards the exit, it was hard to resist the urge to glance over my shoulder at where Edward was standing. If I'd spread my shield over him, an exercise that had become surprisingly easy in the last few days, I'd have been able to feel his comforting presence inside my mind and listen to his thoughts, but I fought the temptation.

I needed to focus.

I felt very self-conscious as I headed for the cab stand where Alice had seen me get ambushed. I didn't like feeling this way. I was a vampire—I was fast and strong and nearly invincible and nothing should frighten me. But I was frightened now, scared even and my fear mixed with a strong feeling of apprehension. Knowing what was going to happen didn't help; it only made it worse because of the inevitability of it all. Although I kept telling myself that I was the one in control, that I was here on purpose, it did nothing to ease my anxiety. I was glad that my body could no longer betray my feelings. My heart should have been pounding in my chest, giving me away. But it was mercifully silent and for that I was grateful.

So far everything had gone according to plan—well, except for Edward's little intervention—and that should have been comforting, but I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and I was pretty certain that I wouldn't like it much when it did. Victoria had repeatedly proven that she was just as good a strategist as Jasper, probably even more cunning as there no lengths she wouldn't go to in order to get what she wanted. The only thing stronger than her desire for revenge seemed to be her sense of self-preservation. Considering her actions in the past and her need for self-preservation, we counted on her to run should she figure out what was going on and not confront us directly, with the bulk of her army to support her. And then go on a killing spree later that put everything she'd thrown at us so far to shame. So, really, there was nothing to worry about.

Oh, who was I kidding? Helena was, for all intents and purposes, Victoria's home base and probably crawling with vampires. Unless she wanted to kill me with her own hands, which was what we were all hoping for, sick as that sounded, there was absolutely no reason for her to be here. She could easily have them dispose of Edward and me, maybe even have them tape it so that she could enjoy our demise over and over again.

Now wasn't that thought disturbing?

But surely Alice would know if something like that was going to happen. In fact, Jasper had even allowed for it in his planning; he was nothing if not thorough. In the hopefully unlikely event that our plan went south, their mission objective would change from 'Kill Victoria!' to 'Get Bella—and Edward—out in one piece!'.

Since Alice hadn't called or texted I assumed that everything was fine. Worrying was absolutely pointless, but I couldn't help it. So much for my optimism.

At least the weather was exactly as Alice had predicted. The sky was practically black and I sensed the change in the air that heralded the approaching thunderstorm; the skin on my neck prickled.

I had almost reached the line of waiting cabs. Just a few more steps and then Alice's vision would come true. My mouth went dry. _At least you're not alone_, I reminded myself. At that thought, some of the lingering disappointment I felt over Edward's decision faded. I was grateful for his presence, even knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to help me if something went wrong. Alice, who'd finally calmed down enough to form coherent sentences again, had made it clear that under no circumstances was Edward to follow me and my 'escort' to the abandoned farmhouse in the middle of the woods where they'd take me.

Edward had promised to meet up with them at the rendezvous instead, but after his admission on the plane I had my doubts. His honesty had surprised me, and it had been painfully obvious how much admitting that he didn't know if he could ever change had cost him. Also, he'd given me a way out and I knew that, at least for a moment, he'd been convinced I would take it. There was still so much darkness in his mind, so much pain and self-loathing and regret. He was broken inside, scarred, and I felt so sad for him, even though he was the one who'd left, not the other way around. I was the only thing that stood between him and the darkness—losing me would mean losing himself and he was prepared to do everything in his power to keep that from happening. Even if that meant sentencing innocent people to die.

I didn't believe for a second that Edward didn't care about the human lives Victoria would take, no matter what he'd said; he wasn't that kind of person. Their deaths would haunt him for the rest of eternity. But he wasn't thinking straight, that much was clear. His thoughts were terribly muddled. He didn't know what to do, what was the right thing to do. At the moment, he seemed to be governed by concern and fear, not reason.

I didn't blame him. How could I blame him for loving me? But I was acutely aware of how much more complicated things would get if Edward didn't do as Alice had said. _Please_, I thought, wishing I could somehow open my mind to him. _Please don't follow me, Edward. It would be better for both of us_.

Two seconds had passed. The cluster of trees on the other side of the street shook violently in the wind. One more step and I could reach for the door handle of a waiting cab. Its driver had already noticed me. His eyebrows were raised expectantly; he was waiting for me to hurry up and get in. Suddenly the air swirling around me, fresh and clear up until a heartbeat ago, carried the sweet scent of a vampire directly to me.

I stiffened and turned in the direction I thought it was coming from; the wind was blowing so strongly that it was hard to tell. Only a few people stood on the sidewalk, most of them carrying opened umbrellas although it hadn't started raining yet. My eyes swept over them as I searched for the source of the scent.

Scarlet eyes stared back at me.

My breath caught in my throat. I didn't move as I met his gaze, taking in his appearance: he was slightly taller than me, with a square face and short-cropped blond hair. He looked like he had been in his mid-twenties when he was changed. His lips were curved into an excited smile and a shiver ran down my spine; the smile was unsettling.

A woman stepped in my line of sight, madly swinging a black umbrella. When she was gone, the vampire had vanished. Behind me the air stirred, barely noticeable because of the wind, and if I hadn't been expecting it, I would never have noticed. Although I'd been waiting for it, I still flinched. Tendrils of fear invaded my mind. For one terrible moment, no longer than a fraction of a second, I was sure that I was in over my head, that this was insane and suicidal and that I should never have come. What on earth was I thinking?

But then I drew a deep breath. Everything was going according to plan. Things were happening exactly as Alice had seen. No reason to worry. The fear receded, but it was still there, waiting for a moment of weakness. _Remember what Jasper said_, I told myself. _Fear is a good thing. It makes you more careful, more alert. This is good!_

The vampire behind me was standing so close that his chest touched my back when he inhaled. He clearly had absolutely no respect for personal space. Slowly, I turned around, elbows tucked in so that I wouldn't accidentally touch him. The thought made my skin crawl. I found myself facing a chest as wide as a barrel, the muscles underneath the black t-shirt he wore perfectly sculptured. My eyes travelled up to meet his. And up.

He was huge.

Alice's vision hadn't done him justice. He was taller than Jake and twice as broad as Emmett, with the physique of a professional boxer. Next to him I instantly felt tiny and insignificant. He towered over me, regarding me thoughtfully with black eyes; he hadn't fed in a while. His thick, black eyebrows were the dominating features in his round and not unkind face. His head was bald. He reminded me of Michael Chiklis, who'd played The Thing in the _Fantastic Four_ movies.

Seth, aside from his devotion to _Stargate _and basically any TV series slash movie that had a 'star' in its name, also had a thing for comic books and their movie adaptations.

I gaped at him, my mouth open. Talk about overkill. Victoria really wasn't taking any chances.

I gave myself a little shake to snap out of it.

"Excuse me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. I hoped he didn't notice how nervous I was. "Do I know you?" As I wasn't supposed to know that Victoria had set up camp in Helena, I had to act surprised—and annoyed. The former wasn't feigned; I was still stunned by how _huge_ this guy was. He looked like he could crush Emmett with his pinky finger. What if Victoria had more vampires like him? We'd never stand a chance.

Too late to worry about that now.

The vampire didn't answer. His thoughtful expression turned into a frown and his eyes flicked briefly at something behind me. Before I had time to react, let alone turn around, an arm was wrapped around my stomach, capturing my arms, and pulled me back. I stumbled backwards, crashing into what felt like a brick wall. A second arm closed around my neck, crushing my windpipe. Reflexively, I gasped for air—but nothing happened. The second vampire started dragging me away from the cabs. I dug the heels of my boots into the pavement. If I didn't resist, they'd know something was wrong.

Realising I was leaving drag marks that were anything but inconspicuous, the vampire gave an irritated grunt and lifted me up, somehow managing to stay clear of my swinging legs when I tried to kick him in the shin. We were heading towards a black SUV with tinted windows that was parked a little distance away.

"Hey!" I heard a male voice called out tentatively. The cab driver had stuck his head out the door, eyes wide, and was already holding his cell phone in his head. Then the vampire giant half turned, a low growl rumbling in his chest, and the man slipped quickly back into the car.

By now we were alone. The wind was howling through the trees with so much force that branches snapped like twigs. Fallen leaves, grit and all sorts of debris were lifted up into the air and hurled every which way. Everyone had taken shelter inside and it was too dark to see what was going on outside despite the street lamps that had flashed to life a few minutes ago.

The first vampire tossed my bag, which he'd picked up after I'd dropped it, into the trunk, then held the rear door of the SUV open while the second vampire wrestled me inside by diving headfirst into the backseat, with me still pinned firmly to his body. He pressed me into the leather upholstery face-down, using his entire weight to keep me restrained, and he was heavy. I heard the door slam shut. An instant later the driver's door opened. The metal frame of the car groaned audibly as the vampire climbed in. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him peer around the headrest.

"You sure that's her?" he asked after a moment, sounding dubious. "She's so… skinny." The look he gave me clearly said that sending him to pick me up was a waste of his time.

For a moment I forgot to fight back. Skinny?

I felt the second vampire shrug. "Fits the description," he said indifferently. "Besides, you know how paranoid the Old Lady is." He snorted. "Or desperate would be more accurate, I guess. She wants her badly."

Old Lady? Victoria? Did she know they were calling her that? Probably not because I was pretty sure that if she did, she'd make them stop. Forcibly.

"Craig's going to love her, in any case," the vampire continued. He sounded like he didn't care much about this Craig guy or whether Victoria got what she wanted.

The vampire in the driver's seat looked like he wanted to say something, the crease in his forehead as deep as the Grand Canyon, but then he only shrugged, turned around and started the car.

Craig? The vampire who'd created Austin to ensure Lambert's cooperation? Edward had mentioned him once, after the disturbing realisation that Victoria had successfully manipulated the Cullens into moving to Anchorage. I knew nothing about him, other than that he was obviously just as crazy as Victoria, maybe even more so, as he'd practically given his protégé Lambert's daughter as a toy to play with. And from what Edward had said later that day, I had deduced that Austin had had a masochistic, maybe even sociopathic, streak himself.

I already knew how suspect Victoria's taste in men was. She had been mated to James after all. There was a chance that this Craig was as bad as him or maybe even worse. The possibility was chilling and it made me wonder if maybe killing human women who looked like me and little girls who shared parts of my name hadn't been Victoria's idea after all. Victoria was driven by revenge and full of hatred, but until Anchorage her strategy had always been very straightforward—she had confronted me more or less head-on, either by coming after me herself or by sending vampire after vampire to Forks, hoping I'd show up there and she'd get lucky. It was probably safe to assume that she'd picked up a thing or two about mind games from James during their time together, but what had happened in Anchorage had been very… elaborate, for lack of a better word, and coming up with these things required a truly twisted mind. Going after my friends and family to draw me out seemed more like something Victoria would do—it was much more direct, and more painful, than killing strangers.

So maybe it was Craig who'd really come up with the idea of the murders and Victoria had just gone along. At least one of the women she'd killed herself. Her idea? Or Craig's? And whose idea had it been, then, to make the Cullens move to Anchorage? Because by reuniting us, she'd made me an even more difficult target and that couldn't be what she wanted. Or was it? Did she want to kill Edward as well? First kill me and then, probably after making him watch the whole thing, destroy him like he'd destroyed James?

Possibly. Killing us would require far less effort when we were more or less in the same place instead of a thousand miles apart. If that was true, then both of us here might be enough temptation for Victoria to throw safety overboard, provided she was certain it wasn't a trap.

But what about the army she had supposedly created? Surely they'd be ample protection. Unless… unless… I felt like I was missing something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Why create so many vampires and then send them after us three or four at the time? That made no sense and was also a waste of resources. Sure, there were always more where they'd come from, but still.

On the other hand, since Austin's destruction, there hadn't been another vampire in Anchorage—aside from us, of course. It was possible that Victoria had changed tactics. Then again, she probably didn't even know that he was dead yet.

I scowled into the leather seat. God, trying to figure out Victoria was like entangling a ball of yarn—frustrating and time-consuming.

What did she need an entire army for if not for coming after me? Or us? Having them sit idly for longer than was absolutely necessary was idiotic, not to mention suicidal, because they were bound to attract attention sooner or later. Unless Victoria didn't care about that. She probably thought she'd be off the hook if the Volturi came to investigate because she'd be able to escape unscathed. Running for the rest of eternity certainly wasn't desirable, but at least she'd have her revenge.

I suddenly felt vaguely sick. Was that her plan? Create an overwhelming number of vampires and send them to Anchorage to slaughter us? But why hadn't she done it yet? Because she didn't have the necessary numbers? Victoria was careful—she wouldn't want to take any chances.

This had to end today. Before her army came to Anchorage, looking for us.

While we drove, they were silent aside from the occasional remark about the weather; they didn't seem to be friends or have anything in common. The vampire driving glanced over his shoulder to look at me every time we stopped at a red light and from what I saw, with my face half-pressed into the seat, he didn't seem to be too happy about the situation. But he didn't say anything.

The vampire holding me down hadn't moved an inch and I was stuck. I struggled, but without neither legs nor arm free to move, the effort was pointless. Hopefully, it would be enough to convince them that I wasn't coming along voluntarily. Then again, I wasn't acting. I couldn't have freed myself if my life depended on it; he had me completely immobilised.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice laced with suspicion, as the car did a sharp turn to the right. The smooth asphalt turned into uneven gravel. The SUV bounced up and down as the driver steered it down the winding road. The noise of traffic faded quickly. It was silent, the kind of eerie, charged silence before a large storm.

"Taking a short cut," the driver muttered, sounding irritated. There sure was no love lost between these two.

"Really?" The vampire holding me still seemed suspicious. "I've been in this part of the woods and this road leads nowhere. It ends in a couple of miles."

The driver growled. The sound, like the deep rumble of thunder, only with a menacing edge, made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "Then we'll walk the rest of the way," he grated. "Jesus, Craig told us to get her home as fast as possible. Last time I checked, I could outrun a damn Ferrari!" The last sentence was delivered in a deafening roar.

"What the hell is your problem?" my captor snarled, pushing himself up on his knees, as if expecting his accomplice to jump him any second and not wanting to be totally defenceless. The weight on my legs vanished.

For a moment that felt like hours instead of less than a second, I didn't know what to do. In her vision, Alice hadn't seen me managing—or even trying—to escape, but neither had she seen the two of them argue. Obviously, whatever was going on between them had changed the future Alice had predicted, although it seemed to be a rather minor change. If I didn't at least try to run now that, they'd probably start wondering what was wrong with me because anyone who'd been taken against their will would use the first chance they got to escape. And if they figured out that I had allowed myself to be taken…

_Though if they had caught you completely by surprise like they think they did_, I reflected sardonically, _you'd probably still have ended up on the backseat of this car, with a two hundred pound vampire on top of you_.

Said vampire's attention was still focused on the driver. If I waited any longer, he'd probably remember that he was supposed to keep me immobilised. Hopefully, I wouldn't screw up Alice's other visions too much—though I doubted they could get any worse—if I ran. Or at least tried to.

_Here goes nothing_.

Excitement swept through my body at the thought. Up until this moment I had only been in control in theory; now I'd make them see that I wasn't the easy prey they thought I was. It was a shame that I would have to let them catch me again.

Twisting my hip in a motion that should have been impossible, I swung my legs around. The driver's seat was in the way. My feet crashed through it as easily as a knife cut through butter. The driver squawked, startled. As he stomped on the brakes, we were flung back against the seat, the vampire on top of me struggling to keep his arms wrapped around my torso. The car lurched forward once more, skidding across the crunching gravel. Then it stood still.

The arm around my throat suddenly disappeared, until I saw it reach past me for my legs. Air streamed down my throat and I inhaled greedily—being cut off from my sense of smell had been beyond unpleasant. Turning my head, I bit the vampire hard as I could, just below his shoulder, my teeth slicing easily through his jacket and the shirt underneath.

He grunted in pain—Jasper had told me that the venom stung—and his grip around my waist loosened. Finally my arms were free. Pushing his arm aside, I dove for the door. The driver twisted out of the destroyed seat and lunged at me, but I was faster. His hands closed around air. The rear door popped away as I slammed into it and crashed against a tree, glass exploding everywhere. Slowly, it slid down.

I was on my feet and in motion before it hit the ground.

I didn't look back.

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**A/N: **So? What do you think? Please, please, please review!


	39. Unforeseen

**A/N: **Here's the next chapter. Enjoy! And please don't come after me with pitchforks!

Thank you all for reviewing, adding LL to their favourites/story alerts lists and me on their favourite authors list. It means a lot to me!

I have four more chapters ready and working on a fifth. So you can look forward to weekly updates. Please remind me if I forgot. My brain is a sieve.

A very special thank you to KayMarieXW for being an amazing beta and a wonderful friend!

Thank you for your opinion on the rating matter. I am not sure the chapter in question actually warrants an M rating; I am probably being over cautious. So if I come to the conclusion that it does, I'll just change it.

**Recap: **Bella and Edward have arrived in Helena, setting the plan to take out Victoria in motion. But will everything go as planned?

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing!

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39. UNFORESEEN

EDWARD

_Nothing goes as planned_

_Everything will break_

_In My Veins by Andrew Belle_

* * *

Alice's instructions were simple—under no circumstances follow Bella and instead meet up with the others at the rendezvous point. So far my actions didn't seem to have had affected the future Alice had seen, but she didn't want to take any chances.

I wasn't particularly looking forward to seeing the others after what I had done, but I would have had to face them eventually anyway. Might as well get it over with now and not delay the inevitable.

Still, the thought didn't fill me with happy anticipation and neither did the fact that I would have to leave Bella at the airport. But I had no choice. Although I wanted to believe Bella's reassurance—wanted to believe it badly—that she wouldn't leave me, a sliver of doubt remained. How long would she put up with me before she realised that I was incapable of changing?

And so I would stay away from her. I had to trust Alice that it would turn out okay and I had to trust Bella to handle the situation.

We didn't say goodbye at the airport because of the not unlikely possibility that Victoria had someone who reported back to her at this airport too. Bella ignored me as we stepped off the plane and when I tried to talk to her in the arrival hall, she brushed me off with an irritated, "Leave me alone, Edward!" loud enough for a security guard to overhear. The woman gave me a suspicious look, her right hand on the butt of her holstered weapon.

Causing the kind of scene that would end with me locked up someone wasn't a very good idea now, so I fell back, watching as Bella strode outside with her bag over her shoulder.

Helena Regional Airport was tiny, but very busy though that was probably mostly because of the weather. It looked like it would start raining soon and people crowded in on the area by the windows, looking up at the black sky. I had to wait for Bella and her 'escort' to be gone before I left. I couldn't risk to be followed.

As I waited I searched for the minds of the vampires Alice had seen. They were already here. I couldn't see Bella anymore, but they could—in their minds, I watched her head towards the cab stand. One of the vampires closed in on her and I saw her scan the crowd. Her eyes found his and they widened, her grip on the strap of her bag tightening almost imperceptibly.

My hands clenched into fists and I locked my muscles in place because I knew the second they touched her I wanted to come after them. Hot anger boiled in my chest at the thought of having to watch what would happen without being able to do anything about it.

After that it all happened very quickly. A second vampire, easily the largest vampire I had ever see, appeared behind Bella while she was distracted, then his friend crossed the distance between them in a heartbeat and made a grab for Bella.

I ground my teeth together to keep the snarl from ripping out of my throat.

She put up the hell of a fight as they dragged her towards a black non-descript SUV that was parked nearby. They got in and drove off.

Only half a minute had passed.

Realising I had been holding my breath, I let it out slowly. My heart felt heavy. She was gone and if I didn't start following her now, I'd never be able to track her down anytime soon. But I couldn't and I forced myself to wait, every muscle locked to keep me from running after her. I hadn't thought it would be this hard to keep my promise, this painful. The urge to go after her was so overwhelming that it felt like my body was pulled into every direction at once, threatening to break under the pressure.

Then the minds finally slipped out of reach.

_She's going to be alright_, I told myself, but the lump in my throat wouldn't go away as I started towards the doors. It felt like I was abandoning her, although I knew that wasn't true. I was doing what she'd asked me to.

So why was it so hard?

I stepped outside into the fierce wind, buttoning up my coat as I went. The airport was about eight miles outside of Helena and I only had to walk a little distance until I was out of sight. As I walked I read the minds around me. Almost everyone was focused on the approaching storm. All flights had been cancelled because of the weather; ours had been the last to land.

I had just crossed the parking area and was about to slip into the trees when I heard them. For a moment I thought the vampires who had taken Bella were back—then I realised that their minds sounded different. I paused, glancing over my shoulder, but I didn't see them. But form what they could see at the moment they had to be close by. They were looking at a slice of the parking lot, the trees that clustered the side of the road and the cab stand. Judging by the angle of their respective perspectives, I summarised they were parked behind the line of cabs.

But even though they hadn't seen me yet—they appeared to have arrived late and missed me exiting the airport—they knew where I was. Or rather one of them did. The female knew where I was the way I knew that my right hand was firmly attached to my body: she felt my presence in her mind, like I was a fifth limb.

That couldn't be good.

But just because they hadn't starred in Alice's vision, didn't mean they hadn't been part of the future she had seen. And when she had spoken to Bella shortly before we had landed, she hadn't mentioned any problems. Surely, she'd have called me if that had changed.

I stopped dead in my tracks, horrified, as I realised that my cell phone was still switched off.

_Damn it!_

Pulling it out of my pocket, I made my way to the trees, even though it was pointless to hide. I was still on their female's radar. In the mind of her friend, I saw her frown ever so slightly as the connection to me seemed to get weaker, but she consoled herself with the knowledge that she could extend her gift further if she had to; she wouldn't lose me again.

My heart sank. I could read minds in a half mile radius, which meant that even if _I_ couldn't hear her thoughts anymore, she'd probably still be able to sense me.

Just great.

Because I couldn't head to the rendezvous point until I got rid of them. They would follow me because they had been tasked with capturing any additional vampires that came in on the flight from Anchorage. A simple precaution? Maybe. It would explain why Alice hadn't seen them when she first had the vision—I hadn't been part of that future then. And now that I was she was focusing on how it would affect _Bella's_ future, not mine.

As I waited for my decrepit cell phone to boot, I wondered how Victoria had been able to recruit so many gifted vampires. Gifts were the exception, not the rule. How had she found them, especially considering how weak a gift's manifestation in a human normally was? Bella was the only human I had known whose gift had been strong already. And how had she convinced them to work for her? I could see why a newborn would follow her, but a nomad? Unless of course she had created all these vampires herself. She had certainly had enough time for that.

"Come on," I muttered angrily, giving my cell phone a good shake. I should have replaced it years ago—it hadn't taken very kindly to being exposed to the harsh Siberian weather. But as many other things I owned it was a link to the past and to the happy, blissful months with Bella in Forks.

_This is where nostalgia gets you_, I thought, annoyed.

Twelve texts and twice as many missed calls and messages on voice mail.

I cursed silently. Obviously, something _had_ changed in the half hour since Alice's last call.

Staying here any longer probably wasn't the most brilliant idea, but I had to know what Alice had seen. Also, she had made it very clear that I wasn't to do anything other than heading to the rendezvous point without calling her first to make sure it wouldn't backfire. It rankled a little that I had to ask my sister for permission, but in this case it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, though admitting it even to myself rankled just as much, my sister was usually right.

Alice answered on the first ring. In the background I heard arguing voices, too far away for me to make out what they were saying, and a barely audible noise that sounded like wind whispering through the trees.

They were running.

I checked the time. It was barely an hour after noon. They shouldn't have been on their way yet.

"Alice, what's going on?" I asked. My voice sounded harsher than I had intended; I didn't want her to hear the sudden fear that had gripped me. Something was very, very wrong.

"Get out of there," she said urgently, without a snide remark about my tone. That wasn't like Alice at all and the fear tightened around my chest.

"Why?" I whispered, gripping the cell phone so hard the plastic cracked ominously. When Alice didn't answer immediately, I shouted, "Alice, tell me what's going on!"

The vampires in the car exchanged a quick look. They had heard my exclamation.

"Let's go get him," the male said, climbing out of the car into the howling wind.

The female didn't look very happy, but she shrugged and followed him. They were walking slowly as they had to go past the main airport building to get to the parking area, but once they were out of sight they started running.

So did I, cell phone pressed to my ear as I dashed through the trees.

"Something's changed," Alice choked finally. Jasper murmured something to her that I didn't quite catch, but I thought it sounded like, "It's not your fault."

"What?" I demanded. "What's changed and what isn't your fault?"

Someone growled—Jasper probably.

"Edward?" Carlisle said. He sounded calm and composed, but he always did when he used his doctor voice and he was using it now.

"What is it?" I whispered. The trees were flying by at breakneck speed. Then they suddenly gave way to the road, cars zipping past. I jumped across in one massive bound and hit the ground running. The wind was blowing leaves into my face, and thin branches; I swiped at them with my left hand just to be doing something.

The vampires were still on my trail. I heard them behind me, darting through the forest. The male was tracking by scent, the female merely trailing behind. She knew where I was anyway. Besides, she didn't care much if they actually caught me or not. The Old Lady wouldn't be very happy to learn that they'd failed—and the female wasn't looking forward to telling her—but she knew that she at least would be safe. Her gift was too valuable.

She looked at the broad back of her companion for a moment. Now, if the Old Lady chose to punish _him_, that was perfectly okay with her. _Would serve the bastard right_, she thought spitefully.

Old Lady? Victoria?

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, worried, and I realised that I had been too focused on the female's mind to listen to what he was saying.

"Sorry," I replied, pushing myself to run even faster. "I was distracted. I'm being followed."

"Yes, Alice thought this was going to happen. Look, she doesn't know what happened, but whatever it was made her original vision obsolete. Edward," he paused for a moment and I got the impression that whatever he was going to say next, he would have preferred not telling me. But that wasn't like Carlisle. He always told the truth, no matter how hard. "Edward, if they catch you, it would be very, very bad," he said eventually. Sounding uncharacteristically tense, he continued, "Bad for you, but particularly bad for Bella. So make sure that they don't."

"What did Alice see?" I demanded harshly. I could feel the panic descend, but I fought it. I needed a clear head.

"I had rather not tell you, son," Carlisle said, strained.

"She saw her get killed, didn't she?" That was what I had been afraid of—that something would go wrong and that they'd kill Bella before we could reach her. The panic clawed at my mind. _She can't die_, I thought desperately. _She just can't!_

"Well… Not exactly," Carlisle replied and there was something in his voice that I couldn't immediately identify. Suppressed anger?

"Carlisle, please tell me," I whispered miserably. "Please. I have to know."

For a second or two there was silence on the other end of the line. I heard birds chirp and leaves rustle. Nobody was speaking.

_Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God_.

"Fine," Carlisle finally said. He sounded weary. "In her vision, Alice saw Bella … vampire she hasn't seen before … you watch…"

"What?" I asked, unable to keep the panic out of my voice. I must have entered a low reception area; I could barely make out Carlisle's voice through the crackling static. "Carlisle, I can't hear you!"

More static and then the line went dead. Frantically, I checked how many bars I had. None. No reception. I groaned. This couldn't be happening. Why hadn't Alice seen this before? I had made the decision to go with Bella hours ago. What could possibly have changed since then that affected the future so drastically?

_Focus, Edward_, I told myself, but it was so hard to think through the panic. Why had I come when I had been explicitly told not to? Why did I always have to ruin everything? Why did I always think I knew better than everyone else when clearly I didn't?

I should have listened to Bella. I should have listened to Alice at the airport and I should never have gotten on that plane. It had never occurred to me that my actions might harm Bella, but it should have. And now she'd die because of me, like I had feared she would when she was still human.

What had I done?

A sob rose in my throat. I choked it back down. Breathing became impossible; my chest felt constricted, like someone had wrapped steel bands around it.

I had to make it right. But how? Apparently, Alice hadn't seen me outrun them or she would have said so. And if leading them to the rendezvous point was the solution, she would have told me. That didn't leave me with very many options. I couldn't escape as long as the female was on my trail and it wasn't like she'd eventually tire. She'd keep running as long as I did.

And if I killed her? Alice wouldn't have seen whether or not that would work, because up until a minute ago the thought hadn't even been on my mind. Alice didn't see how what ifs affected the future.

I draw a shaky breath. Killing the female was the solution. It had to be. I clung on to that thought as I ran on, my mind spinning as I considered my options. Maybe I could still change the outcome she had seen. I had to.

Because if I didn't, then Bella would pay for my mistakes and I couldn't let that happen.

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**A/N: **Short, I know. Do I have to hide now? Please, please, please let me know what you think. You'll get a short teaser for the next chapter in return!


	40. Showtime, Part 2

**A/N**: Guys, you are amazing! I got so many lovely reviews for the last chapter, I'm still feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Thank you so much! And those who added Lifelines to their favourites lists/put it on story alert/added me to their favourite authors/author alert lists, thank you, thank you, thank you. That means just as much to me as reviews do!

And nobody actually came after me with pitchforks, though I saw one or two. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that this will change after you've had a chance to read this chapter. Really, I'm not naturally a mean person. And I don't even like cliffhangers myself. But it's so tempting… Oh well, I'm rambling. Next chapter will be up sometime next week, but I might not get a chance to upload it until Sunday.

**Rating**: I have decided not to change the rating for now. If you feel that it should be changed, please let me know. I hope I'm just being over cautious.

Enjoy!

A special thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW, who always makes the time to read what I send her, no matter how busy she is. Thank you!

**Recap**: Bella and Edward have arrived at Helena. Bella has been taken prisoner as Alice has foreseen, but managed to escape, hoping it would make their plan more believable. Meanwhile Edward has his own problems to deal with. Let's see how Bella is doing.

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

* * *

40. SHOWTIME, PART 2

BELLA

_We draw our strength from the very despair in which we have been forced to live. We shall endure._

_Cesar Chavez_

* * *

I was hopelessly lost.

Not lost in the sense that I would never ever find home again. If I started running and kept going, I'd eventually get back to civilisation—and an airport or at the very least access to a map. But I had absolutely no idea where I was right now, although we had looked up the area around Helena on Google Maps. There had even been a PowerPoint Presentation when Jasper and Eleazar first presented their plan to us. Clearly, that had been a waste of time, as far as I was concerned.

I couldn't even tell which direction I was headed. The sky was practically black and I couldn't make out the sun behind the rolling clouds. Also, vampires seemed to have no innate sense of direction, but that might have been just me. I guess I had expected them to have an inner compass, like a pigeon. Now that would have come in handy.

I huffed as I trudged on. Some vampire I was.

It was also raining buckets, which made it impossible to rely on my sense of smell. The wet forest smelled amazing, each smell somehow amplified: the earth—or mud, I guess, was a better description for the murky slush I was walking through—smelled richer, the pine trees spicier, the trees woodsier. But that was it. Every other scent, animal, human or vampire, had been washed away by the rain.

It was frustrating.

At least I couldn't get cold, although I was drenched to the bone. My hair was plastered against my scalp and muddy water was seeping into my boots, which squeaked with every step. The forest floor had turned into a mud pit. I seemed to have unintentionally shaken off my pursuers though I wondered why. I wasn't exactly moving quietly—that was kind of hard when you were sloshing through two inches of mud—and could probably be heard from three miles away, despite the pounding rain. But maybe they hadn't been trying very hard. Maybe they'd been too busy insulting each other at the top of their lungs, like they had done after scrambling out of the car after me—tearing it to shreds in the process, by the sound of it.

"This sucks," I muttered, stomping my foot to vent my frustration. Mud splashed over my jeans up to my thighs. Great. God, I hoped that everything would still work out as Alice had foreseen, meaning that hopefully Victoria's vampires would find me soon. This definitely wasn't what I had had in mind when I decided to run. At least I wasn't going in circles, thanks to my eidetic memory. That would have been beyond embarrassing and I had had enough embarrassment in my human life to last me two decades.

As soon as I had realised that I was alone, I had wanted to call Alice, but I hadn't even gotten to find out whether or not I had reception. The display of my cell phone was broken, fractures stretching across it like a spider web, which had probably happened when I was thrown into the car. I couldn't even switch it on.

I was walking uphill now, slipping and sliding with every step. I didn't fall, but I wobbled ungracefully as I fought to keep my balance. This was ridiculous. I was a vampire, for crying out loud. Unfortunately, the laws of physics seemed pretty unimpressed by that. I had been told, by Edward mostly, that I moved quite gracefully, even for a vampire. If he could have seen me now, he probably would have changed his mind.

Finally, I reached the top. Climbing the highest tree for a better vantage point, I searched for the farmhouse Alice had seen in her vision and that had to be around here somewhere. But all I could see was a sea of trees stretching for miles and miles and miles, and more hills. Ragged mountains lined the horizon, barely visible through the rain. Angrily, I brushed my hair out of my eyes. I had lost my barrette somewhere along the way. At least now that it was wet, it didn't blow around my face anymore.

I sighed, my shoulders sagging a little. "Okay, this is getting you nowhere, Bella," I said to myself. I drew a deep, calming breath and counted to ten. When that didn't help, I tried counting to a hundred. After that I felt a little better. I had to keep going; that was the only thing I could do. Sooner or later Victoria's vampires would track me down. Hopefully.

My coat hung in tatters, so I took it off and draped it across the branches before I slid back down. Maybe that would make finding me a little easier.

The rain began to ease off a little and the thunderstorm Alice had predicted had passed ten minutes ago. I turned right and then left, deliberating which way to go, then decided that it didn't really matter and stalked off. Actually escaping instead of just pretending to would have been much, much easier. I could have been halfway to Alaska by now.

My thoughts drifted off to Edward. Was he already at the rendezvous point and waiting for the others? I had no idea what time it was—vampires seemed to have no internal clock either and I didn't have a watch. For that I had my cell phone.

Ha ha.

Although I knew that it was better that Edward wasn't here, I couldn't help but wish that he was, slipping and sliding through the mud with me. I smiled despite my shitty mood. That was a nice picture, even though I couldn't really imagine Edward slipping up.

_You really shouldn't be thinking about things like that right now_, I told myself as I set off again. _You need to focus. You're about to face Victoria!_

The thought was sobering.

Downhill I took the direct route—I jumped. I made it to the foot of the hill in one bound and my legs promptly disappeared to the ankle in mud. I pulled my feet out with a slurping noise. If I survived this, then Alice would definitely kill me: the boots were brand new. Apparently, she had not anticipated mud baths in my future when she picked them out for me.

I was running now. Strangely enough, the slippery ground suddenly wasn't that big a problem anymore, now that I was moving faster than before. It barely slowed me down. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep running forever; I was covering ground too quickly and I couldn't leave the area. This might not have been the best idea I had ever had. Sure, if I hadn't run, the vampires who'd taken me probably would have gotten suspicious. Or maybe not, given how caught up in their personal problem they had seemed. Still, staying in Montana when I should have been halfway across the country by now, covering my tracks as I went, wasn't exactly inconspicuous. Hopefully, when Victoria's vampires finally caught up with me, they'd be so happy that they'd overlook the fact that I hadn't been trying very hard to get away.

I sighed. I needn't have worried about Edward accidentally screwing up the plan—I was doing a pretty good job on my own. I really should have thought this through more thoroughly.

Thirty minutes and roughly twenty miles later I finally caught a break. I was used to the forest being silent when I was hunting—the animals either fled or hid, if they knew what was good for them. But the birds rarely did, sensing that I was no real danger for them. With the rain slowing down to a faint drizzle, the birds had started singing again and up until a moment ago I had also heard them hopping around in the trees above me, their tiny claws scratching the branches.

Now there was only complete and utter silence and I was instantly on edge. The silence felt unnatural, tense somehow. As if the animals had collectively decided that this was some sort of hot zone. A delicate shiver ran down my spine and I stiffened as the wind, now barely a gentle breeze, changed direction. Vampire. The scent wasn't strong at all, but it was there and despite my brain's persistent warning that the unfamiliar scent could mean danger, I felt strangely relieved. I stopped, turning a few times to find out where exactly the scent was coming from. Then I could figure out how to alert them to the fact that I was here without being too obvious about it.

I should have stuck with the original plan.

As I took a hesitant step forward, another breeze rustled through the trees, showering me with water and needles, and suddenly, for a brief moment, the scent was stronger. _Straight ahead_, I decided, _and whosever scent it is, is still fairly close and not moving, otherwise the air wouldn't still taste like him—or her._ Scents dissipated into the air within minutes if its source didn't remain in one place.

Crouching low to the ground, I crept forward very, very slowly so that I wouldn't make too much noise. When the scent grew stronger, I paused. I saw a glimmer of brilliant white between the green and brown of the trees about a mile away and, still a little farther out, patches of duller white that had a greyish tinge to them. Could that be the farmhouse Alice had seen? She hadn't described it to me so I had no idea what it looked like. But what else could it be? Besides, there was definitely at least one vampire around: the glimmer of white, gone when I looked for it again, had been so glaringly brilliant that it couldn't possibly belong to anything else.

Quietly, I retreated without turning around, slipping back into the scrub that crackled softly. If they caught me staring, they'd wonder why I hadn't taken off the second I had scented them. Unless they thought I was stupid of course. Or that I had a death wish. Either would certainly explain why I was still around.

_Well_, I thought with morbid humour, _and they wouldn't even be wrong. This _is_ stupid. _Too late for regrets now though. Besides, it wasn't like we had a choice. If there was another option, one that didn't require me to go on this crazy mission all by myself, we'd take it in a heartbeat. But there wasn't, so we had to work with what we had and here I was.

In my peripheral vision, I caught movement in the trees to my left, white slipping through the green like a ghost. That was my cue. I shot up and, spinning around, dashed off without pausing to confirm that what I had seen was actually a vampire. Now that I was being pursued again, I couldn't keep the fear shut out like before anymore. It slithered around the edges of my mind, pushing me to run faster than I had ever run before. _Splash. Splash_. Every step echoed painfully loud in the silence of the forest; at least it seemed that way to my sensitive ears. A human might never have heard me. My snarled mass of hair whipped out behind me; it got caught on bushes and low-hanging branches that broke off with a gunshot-like _snap_ when I tore free.

I could hear my pursuer now, mud sloshing violently as he raced after me. At least I wasn't the only one having trouble moving quietly in the swamp that was this forest. If I never saw another tree again, it would be too soon.

Images of Alice's vision returned with the fear and although I tried to focus solely on the ground underneath my feet, the trees flying by, the warm spray of rain on my skin, it was impossible push it back into the depths of my mind. I wish I hadn't seen it in Edward's thoughts. Alice's description, delivered in a flat, emotionless voice, had been horrible to hear—but actually seeing it was much, much worse because although I knew what was going to happen, there was nothing I could do about it. The faintest sliver of hope remained that maybe it wouldn't come true. That maybe, by running, I had changed things so much that the future Alice had seen would never happen now. But I doubted it. If anything, my actions would probably only make what would happen ten times worse.

In Alice's vision, I was in a small room. The wooden floor was nearly black with mould and the walls, once baby blue, were mostly a faded grey. Two male vampires were holding me down, each gripping one of my arms, forcing me to kneel on the floor in a position that was horribly submissive and degrading. One was the vampire I had only briefly glimpsed at the airport before he had snatched me. The other, tall and with a dark tinge to his vampiric pallor, his black hair cropped militarily short, I hadn't met yet. They had started with my hands. Each finger broke off with a sickening _crack_. Hopefully, it wouldn't hurt much; I hadn't even noticed when my arm had been broken off until after it was flopping on the floor. However, putting it back on _had_ hurt and so would what they were going to do. Over and over and over again. I thought that I'd be able to handle the pain, but what if I was wrong? What if it took Victoria hours to get here? How long would I be able to stay strong?

The reminder that I was doing this completely voluntarily wasn't much comfort.

I suddenly noticed how quiet it was. No sloshing mud. No rustling leaves. No whispering sounds of a vampire's passage. In fact, there were no sounds at all except doe the steady _drip drip drip _of dripping water and the occasional noise in the undergrowth caused by rodents scurrying away. Had the vampire given up? That wouldn't be good because I could hardly go back now.

I risked a quick glance over my shoulder, trying to spot a glimpse of white… The moment I turned my head something moved into my path; I sensed it more than I actually saw it. I was still running at top speed and although dug my heels into the ground the second I caught the movement in my peripheral vision, it was too late. I was too fast and the ground too slippery and the vampire was directly in front of me.

I crashed into him with the force of a wrecking ball, but he didn't budge an inch. He didn't even flinch. He just stood there unmoving, head cocked slightly to the side, watching with red eyes as the force of impact sent me flying. Twisting in midair, I managed to land land on my feet—and slipped.

He caught me before I hit the ground.

His eyes stared into mine with a hint of curiosity as he hovered above me, his hands on the small of my back. He had a handsome face—square, with high cheek bones, full lips that were curved into a polite smile and a perfectly straight nose. Light brown hair fell into his forehead. Only the look in his eyes was unsettling. Cold and hard and cruel and a disturbing contrast to the kind expression on his face. And strangely familiar.

As his gaze slowly wandered across my body, something else flickered in his eyes. Hunger. When his eyes found mine again, I had to force myself not to look away. Slowly, he pulled me up, then he stepped away, a frown on his face. I should have turned around and run like hell, but fear kept me frozen in place.

"Interesting," he said eventually, with faint amusement. His voice, a deep baritone, was a pleasant as his face, but seemed at odds with his build—he was very slender and not very tall. His shirt, at some point white, was as covered with mud as my own clothes, as were his black pants. His blue tie was blotched and hung crooked. His black shiny shoes were badly scratched and ruined beyond repair. Not exactly the kind of clothes suitable for running.

I knew with absolute certainty that he hadn't been in any of Alice's visions because she had described every vampire she had seen. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Given the disturbing look in his eyes, I was leaning towards the latter.

I should never have run.

"You must be Bella," he said pleasantly, but now there was something in his voice, ill-concealed excitement, that sent a shiver down a spine.

I clenched my hands into fists and instantly regretted it when his smile widened. My stomach knotted in paralysing terror. My instincts were screaming at me to run, but I couldn't move. The fear seemed to override my brain's orders to my limbs.

His disturbing gaze was fixed on me and although he showed no outward sign of it, I was sure that he revelled in my terror. After a moment he reached out his hand and gave me an encouraging nod when I didn't take it immediately.

My eyes slid to his hand, then back to his face. He was still smiling.

"I don't bite," he chuckled. If not for the expression in his eyes, he might have fooled me, made me think he was harmless. But he wasn't. This was a predator through and through and he was on the hunt. Suddenly, I remembered why the look in his eyes seemed so familiar. James. He reminded me of James.

_Is this Craig?_

For a moment we stared at each other, his hand hovering between us.

"So," he said after a moment, still suppressed amusement in his voice. "Jackson and Ian are pissed that you gave them the slip." He frowned. "Though I imagine that's more because of what you did to Jackson's car and not really because you actually escaped. I completely understand why you had to." He grinned. "Make it less obvious that you being here is not a coincidence and all that."

My breath caught in my throat. _What? _What was he saying? That he knew why I was here? But how? Was it my fault? Or was he only guessing? _Please let him only be guessing!_ Otherwise I'd be royally screwed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I grated. "And I'd really like to know what the hell is going on here. I don't even know you." On the last word, my voice broke. Yes, that would definitely convince him.

His grin widened. He was clearly enjoying himself. "I think you're a fairly sensible woman, Bella. So why don't you just drop the act and come with me? The others would just love to find out what all the fuss has been about. Also, maybe you can help me out. Can you tell me what happened to Austin? You see, when I went to Anchorage this morning to check up on him, I was surprised to find that he seemed to have vanished and since he was so smitten with the girl, I doubt that he just took off. So any idea as to where he is?"

I fought to keep my face even and expressionless, but my shock must have shown because his eyes hardened and his grin turned into a terrifying grimace. His bared teeth looked unnaturally white in the dull light. I took an automatic step back and he followed, hand still outstretched.

"Come on." He jerked his chin at his hand, but he was looking at something over my head.

I didn't look up. I knew what I was going to see. More vampires, who'd snuck up on me while I had been distracted.

I placed my hand in his, glad that I had enough self-control left to keep my fingers from trembling. _Pull yourself together_, I told myself, but even my mental voice sounded weak and feeble. What little control over this situation I had left was quickly slipping out of my grasp.

For a moment the vampire smiled at me and I relaxed ever so slightly—then he yanked me forward so hard that I tripped over my own feet and stumbled directly into his arms. Twisting my arm behind my back, he spun me around and pressed me against his chest. Grabbing my left wrist, he pulled my free arm behind my back as well. I strained in his grip as self-preservation finally won out against the paralysing panic, but every time I tried to get away from him and wrench my arms free, his grip tightened.

"Behave," he said very softly and pulled me closer still. Then I felt his lips brush across the back of my neck and my stomach turned. My breath quickened as panic took over again. My mind was a mess of muddled, jumbled thoughts. _Get out get out get out get out_, was all I could think, the only thought my mind seemed capable of holding at the moment. I couldn't think, couldn't shake off the panic to formulate a new plan of action, to think of something—_anything_—that would get me out of here unharmed. Because one thing became painfully clear as the vampire started pushing me forward, back the way I had come from. Alice's vision was no longer valid. They knew why I was here, either because of my stupid fake escape or because Austin was 'missing'—or because of both—and that meant that the future Alice had seen would no longer come true. It also meant that Victoria probably already knew about our idiotic attempt to lure her into a trap, but right now I couldn't bring myself to worry about that. I had to get out before he hurt me because something told me that whatever his plans for me were, it was going to be much, much worse than what Alice had seen in her original vision.

The vampires, invisible up until a moment ago, fell in beside us. They were both male and I recognised neither from Alice's description. They didn't talk to each other or address the vampire holding me. In fact, it almost seemed as if they were trying desperately to avoid making eye contact. My heart sank. What had he done to them that they were so intimidated by him?

"I am Craig, by the way," he said after a while, conforming my earlier suspicion.

"I figured," I managed. My voice sounded strangled.

He chuckled. "So I do have a reputation?"

I didn't answer and he didn't ask again. I merely felt him shrug.

It was slow-going as we were moving only at a moderate human speed, yet to me it only felt like seconds until the forest began to thin and light seeped through the trees. I caught glimpses of something white and dirty blue that quickly morphed into more distinct shaped as we got closer—the farmhouse Alice had seen. It sat at the far end of a large clearing, looking as dilapidated as Alice had described it to me. Except for a single patch beside the front door which had probably been protected by the sagging greenish roof of a tiny porch, the white paint had almost completely peeled off and the brown wood underneath was black with mould. Ivy crawled up one side, hiding the damage the building had sustained over time. The paint on the window frames had faded from dark blue to dirty grey; only the door frame still had its original colour. One window still had glass in it, so dirty that it was practically blind. The others were empty. The slanting roof was sagging dangerously and would probably cave in soon. A gravel road snaked around the house, opening into a driveway where the black SUV parked, a gaping hole in its side. The remains of a fence framed the clearing. The rain had plastered the waist-high yellow grass flat on the ground. The farmhouse had clearly been abandoned a very, very long time ago, but the original occupants had left behind an oppressive sense of despair and sadness.

I saw at least five vampires at first glance. The two males from the airport were standing beside the SUV, shouting at each other as they assessed the damage. Another male stepped out of the house at our approach, looking annoyed. Two females were sitting next to each other on the broken fence, staring at me curiously and at the same time guarded, as if they were afraid their expressions would betray thoughts they'd rather keep to themselves. After getting a good look at me, they exchanged a quick glance and I thought I saw sympathy on their faces, and relief.

The implication made my mouth go dry.

Everything had been for nothing. The plan had failed—Victoria knew why I was here. She'd never show up now and she'd make us pay for trying to trick her. There was no way in hell things would still work out the way we had planned. We'd try to make it better and had ended up making it worse. And I was at the mercy of a sociopathic vampire who was probably already thinking about different ways to torture me.

Had Alice seen what was going on? Were they coming to rescue me? Alice's original vision had been set sometime in the evening and normally they'd still be in Anchorage, but surely they had left the moment Alice had seen what would happen. Eight vampires were hardly a challenge, especially with Jake and Sam's packs to help.

I desperately clung to that thought as Craig led me into the building.

None of the vampires followed us.

**A/N**: So? Ideas? Comments? Pitchforks? Please, please, please review! I love hearing what you think. Everyone who reviews will get a teaser for the next chapter! I'll even try to send them out sooner than an hour before I post the whole chapter…


	41. Fight

**A/N: **Since I don't want to end up on the pointy end of a pitchfork, I'm updating extra early. The next chapter will be on on either Wednesday or Thursday, depending on when I will find the time. But I promise I won't make you wait any longer than that. I do have a sense of self-preservation…

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews you wrote—even the ones that mention pitchforks. Lifelines has over 500 reviews now, which I think is just amazing. Thank you for staying with me! Also, thank you for alerting to me/this story. That's a huge compliment!

A huge thank you to KayMarieXW! It's because she always makes time for me that you get this chapter earlier than I planned.

**Recap: **Bella is now in enemy hands and things are not looking good. Plus, Victoria knows it's a trap. Will their plan still work out? Let's see how Edward is doing.

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing!

* * *

41. FIGHT

EDWARD

_The future has many names: For the weak, it means the unattainable. For the fearful, it means the unknown. For the courageous, it means opportunity._

_Victor Hugo_

* * *

The branch swung precariously underneath me and I shifted my weight to the right, matching its movement. The wind howled through the trees and after a brief moment of consideration I crept closer towards the trunk where the branch was thicker and barely moved. Peering through the leaves, I caught a glimpse of brilliantly white vampire skin. I crouched low on the branch, every muscle coiled to spring.

I wasn't going to get another chance.

After I'd made up my mind, I had circled around and headed back to the airport where I'd taken a cab. The driver had taken me to the nearest campsite, abandoned this time of year. The man had been convinced I was crazy. He'd begged me to come back with him because he thought being outside in the forest in this kind of weather was suicide. In the end, I'd given him all the money I had on me to make him leave. He didn't deserve to end up as collateral damage.

The move had caught the vampires by surprise. At first they had thought I wanted to evade them by surrounding myself with human witnesses, which had presented them with a problem. They didn't want to kill unless it was absolutely necessary—they didn't want to attract any unwanted attention—but that was exactly what they would have to do if they attacked me with a human around.

I had decided to keep that in mind, in case my plan to eliminate the female failed.

Another gust of wind shook the trees. Crows cried out somewhere above me, then they briefly appeared against the black sky, wings flapping madly as they raced away. The storm wasn't very far away now and I could already feel the electricity on my skin. The tingling sensation added to the tension that had settled on my shoulders.

I only had this one shot. I needed to kill the female on the first try because if I was forced to fight them both, it would make getting rid of her much more difficult. Besides, I didn't know about the female, but from what I could see through her mind, the male carried himself confidently and had a sense of authority about him, like he was used to getting what he wanted and used to being obeyed. The female only followed his lead, even though _she_ was the one who knew exactly where I was. _He_ was tracking me the old-fashioned way: by scent. He wanted to show her that he didn't need her 'cheap psychic trick'.

I didn't care much for the tenor of his thoughts. The female, whose guess about what he was thinking was dead on the money, shared my assessment of him. She didn't like him and I almost felt sorry that I'd have to kill her. I didn't want to because despite the fact that she was working for Victoria—even though I got the impression that she didn't like her very much—she seemed like a decent person, but I couldn't risk being followed to the rendezvous point.

I checked my cell phone again. Still no reception. What had Alice seen? Would my plan work?

The vampires weren't trying to be stealthy and at first I had assumed it was because they anticipated an ambush; after all, I hadn't moved for over three minutes now. In a way they did, but they so firmly believed that they'd be able to take me that the thought had come and gone. They knew where I was, so there was no way I could ambush them. Also, neither of them even considered the possibility that I might get away. That worried me a little, but then they didn't know that I had an advantage too. Without my gift I might not have been a match for an experienced fighter like Jasper, but with it I could take him. Beside Alice, I was the only one in my family capable of that.

They were so confident that they paid almost no attention to their surroundings. In fact, they were talking quietly, the first time I had seen them having an actual conversation.

I frowned. It struck me as strange that they didn't seem to care what I might overhear—and they knew that I was close enough for that. What was I missing? Or was I just being paranoid and they overly confident?

" What does she with him?" the female asked. Her voice was deep, but soft and smooth, the kind of voice you could listen to forever. Auburn hair curled wildly around a face that had no planes and angles. It was perfectly round, with a tiny nose. She wasn't beautiful in the classical sense. She was… cute. Yes, that was the best way to describe her. She was cute. Only her dark red eyes were slightly disturbing, used as I was to the golden eyes of my family.

I didn't see the male's expression as he was walking in front of her and he was so tall that low-hanging branches hid everything past his chest. But his thoughts were exasperated and tinged with irritation. Where he came from orders weren't questioned. He obviously had a military background, as had been the case with the female we had encountered in Chicago. The female who had killed Olivia's girlfriend Eden and almost killed me. It made sense—he was used to following orders and less likely to question them if he believed in what he did. And it was clear that he did believe.

"How do you know it isn't a her?" he asked eventually, not bothering to hide his irritation. He'd been told to intercept me at the airport and bring me to their headquarters—the abandoned farmhouse Alice had seen—and that was it. He hadn't asked for details. The face of a vampire flashed up in his mind and my eyes widened in surprise. I knew him. I had seen him before, in the mind of the vampire Esme had killed.

Craig.

The tension in my shoulders grew. What I had learned of him that day had disgusted me. I didn't want him anywhere near Bella.

"'Cause if it is, I have a few ideas about what to do with her," he finished. His mood lifted considerably at the thought and his thoughts began to wander.

I bit back a growl and my grip on the branch tightened.

"You're a pig," the female said, not bothering to hide her disgust. "And the mind has a decidedly male feel to it."

"How can you even tell the difference?"

"I just can," she replied curtly. "And can we please get on with this now? Also, you didn't answer my question. Don't think I didn't notice."

"How the hell should I know what she wants with him? Or her. We're supposed to detain the vamp and that's all we need to know."

"Detain the vamp?" the female asked somewhat ironically, but the irony was lost on her companion.

"It means taking him—or her—prisoner," he answered, in the tone of someone talking to a not particularly bright kindergartener.

"I know what it means, Mr Navy SEAL," she snapped. "What I meant was why we don't just get rid of him now? Wouldn't that be easier?"

A frustrated growl rumbled in his chest. The female wasn't particularly impressed. "'Cause the Old Lady wants to talk to the vamp who shows up here with the female. And if she has no use for him—or her—then Craig will probably come up with something. Well," he added thoughtfully after a moment and my stomach turned at the images in his head, "if the vamp's a female. God, the bastard was in a creepy mood when I left, what with this vampire chick coming. Skadi's told him to leave the kid alone and the human's almost dead. And he's kind of… exhausted the resources at his disposal." He chuckled.

What I saw in his mind filled me with horror. My mouth went dry. He couldn't possibly mean that… I swallowed. I suddenly understood what Carlisle had been trying to tell me before the connection was interrupted.

_No no no no no no no no no_.

The female had stopped dead in her tracks. "Craig is back?" she demanded flatly.

The male didn't hear the suppressed anger in her voice. He turned around, eyebrows raised in confusion. "Yeah, got in an hour ago. I spoke to him before I picked you up. He went to Alaska this morning to check up on his pet. And you know what? He's disappeared. Let me tell you that Victoria was less than pleased when he told her. She yelled at him for ten minutes straight." He grinned gleefully. Craig didn't seem to be very popular.

"I see," the female replied between clenched teeth. "Well, he certainly had it coming." _He's sick_, he added in her mind. _And I couldn't care less if he ends up on a pyre_._ Hell, I'd even light him up myself if I got the chance. Scum like that shouldn't be allowed to exist. _"Just because he gets to sleep with Victoria once in a while," she continued aloud, "doesn't mean he can boss us around. If he weren't her favourite," her voice was dripping with disgust now, "Skadi would have killed him a long time ago."

The male shrugged. "You're probably right."

They walked on in silence. My mind was reeling. I clutched the branch as if it was my lifeline, my body numb. This couldn't be happening. What had I let Bella walk into? In my mind, what the male had seen the vampire Craig do was playing in an endless loop. The sickening images kept assaulting me, even though I tried to shut them out by thinking of something—anything—else to chase them away, but they had etched themselves on the surface of my mind, as if to taunt me.

_This can't happen to Bella. This can't happen to Bella. This can't happen to Bella._

Closing my eyes, I made myself take a deep breath, but my chest felt heavy and constricted and I couldn't force the air down my throat. In the end I gave up and just lay there, a cold lump of fear in my stomach that made it impossible to think. The feeling of helplessness, of being out of control, was crushing me—and I was only too familiar with the sensation. It reminded me of when James had been after Bella, of when Jasper had told me that he'd lost her, of when I had finally seen Alice's vision for myself. I had tried so hard to protect her and I had failed and he had almost killed her.

And I had failed her again. Reason tried to argue that I hadn't, that nobody could have foreseen this when even Alice hadn't. But I still should have thought of it. I always did, always considered every possible outcome—and then prepared myself to expect the worst—because that way I couldn't be taken by surprise.

I choked back a sob rising in my throat. This was my fault. Why did I always have to screw everything up? If I hadn't gotten on the plane, then this wouldn't be happening. Or would it?

_You don't know that_, reason pointed out. But I did. I had followed Bella, although she had repeatedly asked me not to, although Alice had warned me. But I had ignored them both and here I was and now Bella would get hurt because of me, like she had so many times before. I wasn't good enough for her. How could she even love me when all I ever did was cause her pain and suffering? I didn't deserve her and she deserved better, deserved someone who didn't hurt her all the time.

I had to make this right. I couldn't let the future Alice had seen come true. I didn't know why it seemed to hinge on me being caught, but it did and so the female had to die. And then I had to get out of here as fast as I could. I was reasonably certain I'd be able to outrun the male; I had always been very fast. But they were so sure of themselves, so sure that I'd be no match for them and that they'd be able to overpower me. With every step they took towards me, my confidence dwindled and I felt panic rise again, fuelled by my fear of what would happen to Bella if I failed and by the simple fact that I wasn't really in control. And that because of that whatever I did and whatever advantage my ability to read minds gave me might not be enough to make this work.

One shot.

One fraction of time so small, so tiny, that it was impossible to measure it. That's all I had to kill the female, to tear her apart and set her ablaze before her companion had the chance to reassemble it. The lighter in my pocket, a cheap yellow one, which I had stolen from the cab driver when he had been distracted counting the bunch of money I had thrown in his lap, felt strangely heavy in my pocket.

Less time than it took a heart to beat once to make sure that Bella would be safe, that Alice's vision wouldn't come true, that I wouldn't cause her so much more pain. How much pain could a person take before it became too much, before the weight of it all became so crushingly heavy that you couldn't—or didn't want to—deal with it anymore?

When would Bella realise that it was impossible for me to change and that she'd only get hurt again if she stayed with me? That she deserved better than I could give her? I was scared of losing her, and shame flooded me as I realised I was more scared at the prospect of losing her than seeing her get hurt? How could I be so selfish? Why did I keep putting myself above everyone else? Even above Bella, although it should have been the other way around. I thought I had come to protect her, but truth was that I had come to protect myself. Because if I lost her I wouldn't survive.

That wasn't what a relationship should be based on, but what kind of relationship did we have anyway? It was twisted, complicated, and I didn't know where to start pulling in order to unravel it. At the same time, it was so fragile, so easily broken. How much damage, how much selfishness, could our relationship take before it would come undone and leave us separated, two halves of a whole that belonged together, that couldn't exist without the other, but that simply wouldn't fit together no matter how hard you pushed?

Part of my mind kept telling me that I was overreacting again, that I was blowing this out of proportion like I always did, but it was easier to listen to the other part. The dark part. The one that had known from the beginning that I would ruin this, like I had ruined so much already. It seemed that I broke everything I touched and not only the fragile things, things that should be handled with care and were easily broken, but everything else as well. Everything that ended up in my path I found a way to damage even when I was trying to make things right.

This one thought filled my entire mind as I lay in wait on the branch, watching the vampires approach, my heart heavy and at the same time hollow and empty. That by trying to make it right, I'd make it worse again, would set something in motion that wouldn't never have happened without me. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I felt like Macbeth, who had done everything in his power to keep the witches' prophecy from coming true but had ended up destroying himself because by attempting to change the future the witches had seen, he had actually set it in motion. If he hadn't meddled, he might have gotten everything he wanted. But Alice's visions weren't self-fulfilling prophecies. They couldn't be because they were based on decisions and they changed with the decision that had caused them. It was as simple as that. Anything I decided from this point on would affect the future she had seen and hopefully keep it from coming true.

_But what if it doesn't matter what you decide?_ a voice whispered in the back of my mind. I closed my eyes and forced myself to empty my mind and chase the voice of doubt away. Doubt made you weak. If you didn't believe in yourself, then you might as well surrender because the outcome would be the same.

But it was easier said than done and my thoughts circled back to Bella. Where was she? Was she safe? Or as safe as she could be at the moment. I had to make sure what Alice had seen wouldn't happen. If I didn't and if it came true… My imagination had no difficulty at all filling my mind with pictures of what would be done to her. I pressed my lips together to keep the agonised groan rising in my throat from escaping. Oh God.

The male's voice broke into my bleak train of thought, yanking me back into the present with a jolt. Compared with the darkness of my mind, the dark forest seemed almost bright, what little light filtered through the clouds now suddenly much, much whiter. I blinked. I had been so distracted that I hadn't noticed how close they had come and it was pure luck that they hadn't discovered me yet. Or maybe not pure luck.

The female, upon her companion's question, "Where is he? You said he was here!" very deliberately didn't look up, although she knew I had to be there. She wanted to let the male, who didn't seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed, figure it out for himself and if I tried something while he was at it, well, then at least she'd have something to laugh later.

Very quietly I crouched lower, feeling vaguely guilty that I had to kill someone who I could probably have liked under different circumstances. But then I brushed the guilt away and emptied my mind, pushing all the dark thoughts away with brute force because I couldn't afford to be distracted now. This time it worked.

_Less time than it takes a heart to beat_, I reminded myself.

I started counting in my head.

One.

The female opened her mouth to reply with a snide remark, but changed her mind at the last moment and snapped it shut again, crossing her arms in front of her chest and watching the male with narrowed eyes.

Two.

The male took a step forward, peering into the trees and seeing nothing, which he took as confirmation that all this talk about Sophie's—the female's—so-called precious talent was bullshit.

Three.

I jumped, pouncing like a mountain lion, arms stretched out to grab her and hands forming marble claws. The branch barely swayed underneath and the wind covered any noise I might have made. The female never saw me coming. She caught the movement in her peripheral vision and started looking up, only mildly alarmed; she was confident she'd be able to protect herself from an attack from above.

I intended to prove her wrong.

I slammed into her and her eyes went wide. She started raising her arms to defend herself, but I locked my arms around her neck before she got the chance to fend me off, dragging her down and on her back as I landed. The male spun around, alerted by the strangled sound coming out of the female's throat as I started twisting. Her skin began to crack under the pressure, fine black fractures spreading from her left ear down to her throat and disappearing underneath the collar of her shirt. She was struggling in my grip, kicking uselessly at the dirt and clawing at my arms.

The male was in motion now, coming at me at full speed. The faster each of us moved, the slower time seemed to flow forward. The ground shook with every angry step the male made towards us and leaves and twigs showered down, but they didn't seem to be moving at all; instead they hung suspended in the air, like time had really frozen. But it hadn't because the vampire was still coming at me, to get me off the female. I shifted my weight so that I could reach the lighter in my pocket. The female's struggles were growing weaker as her head began to detach from her body, her brain no longer able to control it. Venom trickled slowly down the front of her shirt and made her clothes slick. The tiniest spark would be enough to make her go up in flames.

Her thoughts had turned incoherent. There were only bright flashes now, fragments of thoughts and images and they grew dimmer and dimmer with each passing moment. One face appeared most often and was the most distinct as she slid into the darkness—that of the big vampire who'd been on Bella's welcoming committee. Her mate?

"I'm sorry," I whispered, although I didn't think she could hear me anymore.

The lighter ignited on the first try. I dropped it as close to her body as I dared, watching it fall in slow motion, the flame flickering, as I leapt up and out of the way. The male's eyes went wide in horror and he threw his entire weight against the ground, trying to slow down and change his course. Dirt exploded two feet high on either side of him. He dove for the female on the ground, his hand reaching for the falling lighter. I launched myself at him, a snarl ripping through my teeth. I drove into him hard enough to send us flying. We hit the ground, the male on his back and I on top of him, the two of us skidding forward until a tree in our path stopped us. Growling, he pulled his knees up to his chest to get me off.

I leapt out of his way and he kicked at the air, jumping to his feet in the same motion. Backing away, I glanced over my shoulder to looked for the female—and my heart sank. The lighter lay beside her head, buried in brown earth and only a sliver of yellow still visible. Earth covered her body as well and it had most likely saved her life. Horrified, I watched her fingers twitche ever so slightly and the blackness receded from her mind, leaving her momentarily disoriented.

I groaned. She scrambled to her feet, turning her neck from side to side to chase the remaining stiffness away. I didn't wait to see what she would do next. Turning, I slid past the male just as he made a grab for me, thinking I was too distracted to notice him, and started running, whatever good it would do.

I had screwed up. Again.

oOo

My feet barely touched the ground as I flew through the forest, the miles melting away. Time for plan B then. Find a crowd where it would be harder for them to corner me without drawing too much attention to themselves. Hopefully, they'd give up once they realised I wasn't easy prey. Unfortunately, the storm Alice had predicted was going to hit soon and people would be safely inside. Did Helena have a mall? That was something Alice could have told me, but when I checked I had still no reception.

Helena lay north so that is where I headed, barely paying attention to my surroundings and instead focusing completely on the minds rushing after me. They weren't talking. They were as focused on catching me as I was on escaping them. The female was somewhat miffed that I had almost killed her, but not more than that, which I found strange. _I_ would have been furious had someone tried to set me on fire—and almost succeeded. But she wasn't, though she appeared to be as puzzled by that as I was. She finally reached the conclusion that she would have done the same under similar circumstances and could hardly fault me for it. How had someone like this, someone who was so obviously a decent person, ended up working for someone like Victoria?

The male was another matter entirely. Rage tinged his thoughts red and he was thundering after me like a bull, with absolutely no care for what was in his way. Catching me was the sole focus of his mind.

Thunder rolled above, quietly at first, but it quickly grew into a rumble and the next time it sounded, it was like an explosion. Rain started to pound down a moment later, fat drops that flew past me in slow motion as I ran. I felt each drop on my skin as it hit _splash splash splash_, warm and wet. I was soaked through within seconds and it was raining so hard even I could barely see through the grey curtain of water. It turned the ground into a mud pit, treacherously slippery. The mud, almost two inches deep in some places, was annoying. I didn't slip often and I never fell—though it was a close call both times I did slip—but the mud slowed me down, dragging at my feet.

Somewhere behind me, the male cursed at the top of his lungs; he was heavier than me and he kept slipping. But the female was impossibly fast and as she knew exactly where I was and didn't have to track by hearing like the male—the rain erased my trail as I went—she could focus on where to put her feet. She darted after me like a bullet, never straying off course.

I still had a head start, but she was slowly catching up. I might have been faster and have had longer legs, but she was lighter. Ironically, she didn't care whether or not she actually caught up with me, but the male knew exactly how fast she could be when she wanted to and she didn't want him accuse her of not trying hard enough and say as much to Victoria, or Craig. That would be _not_ good, so she raced on.

Again I wondered where Victoria had found her. Had she changed her herself? Was that the reason she remained loyal, although she didn't seem to like her at all? Or was there another reason? Why didn't she leave if she didn't agree with what Victoria was doing? And she clearly didn't.

On the next step, I sank into the mud to my knees. "Damn it!" I cursed quietly, gripping an overhanging branch for support as I pulled myself out with a slurping noise, using enough force that I was propelled several feet up in the air. I managed to land on the trunk of a tree instead of the muddy ground, clinging on to it like a monkey. The wood splintered underneath my fingers.

I had lost valuable seconds and the female had come closer than I would have liked. Scrambling upwards, I looked for a good place to jump; I didn't want to get back on the ground if I could help it. To my left the branches parted a little. I slipped through, barely noticing as they whipped across my skin, and jumped.

Lightning flashed above me just as I sailed through the air, snaking down the sky and striking two miles away with a deafening _crack_. For a moment I regretted that lightning couldn't take down a vampire—now that would have been handy—then the thought disappeared as quickly as it had come and I focused on what I was doing. I couldn't afford any more mistakes.

It took the female a moment to figure out that I wasn't on the ground anymore. She was ploughing through the sloshing mud, a string of curses firing away in her mind when it began seeping into her shoes and travelling up her jeans. Then she heard the soft _snap, snap_ of breaking twigs from above. For a moment her mind went blank with confusion, then she realised what was I was doing—and followed suit. _Why didn't I think of that? _she wondered, somewhat irritated, as she darted easily through the trees like a squirrel.

The sky was black. The rain was falling so hard that I could barely make out what was directly in front of me and all that I could make out were trees and mountains and more trees and mountains. I was farther away from Helena than I had thought—on the drive here I had only paid attention to the minds in the car behind us, not the signs—and I also seemed to have gotten a little off course. I'd have to keep west for a while.

Suddenly the trees gave way to a narrow ravine, water rushing and gurgling past me at incredible speed. I crossed it in one bound. On this side, the ground was rockier and thankfully dry, which made it easier to run. My mind wandered to Bella as I shot through the forest, faster now than before. The female had trouble keeping up. If not for her talent, I would have been able to lose them quickly, now that it was raining so hard and the water erasing my trail as I ran. As it was, they were still behind me, although the male's mood had hit rock bottom: He couldn't track by scent anymore, or by hearing, and he had to trust the female to lead the way and he didn't like that at all. He almost wished he'd let me kill her. But only almost.

Was Bella alright? She was probably at the old farmhouse already, waiting for Victoria—and us—to get there. Did she know that something was wrong? Was Craig there with her? A snarl rose in my throat as I thought of him, as the pictures I had seen in the male's mind flashed up again. I swallowed it. I had to believe that everything would be alright. I wouldn't be caught, she wouldn't be harmed. It was as simple as that.

_But why? _a voice in my mind whispered. _Why does the future Alice has seen seem to hinge on you getting caught? What's so important about you?_

_Isn't that obvious?_ the part of my brain responsible for logical thought chimed in. _You'd do everything to keep Bella safe. She'd do everything to keep _you_ safe. Remember what you saw in Austin's mind. What he planned to do to the girl. His creator is probably ten times worse._

My heart turned into ice at the thought. _Please be wrong_, I thought, but I knew that I wasn't. It was the only logical explanation for everything.

But why? What did he, what did Victoria, seek to gain from hurting Bella that way?

_Isn't that obvious too?_

They'd revel in her humiliation and pain. And then, when they had taken everything from her—and from me—they'd kill us. This wasn't just to hurt her. By making me watch, they wanted to show _me_ that I couldn't protect her.

I pushed myself to run faster still. I had always been a fast runner, the fastest of my family, but I seemed to have met my match. The female wasn't gaining on me, but neither was she falling behind. She flew after me like an arrow, never straying off course. We'd be able to keep this up forever, running and running and running until one of us grew tired of it. Would they give up eventually if they realised that catching me was much, much harder than they had anticipated?

The female seemed inclined to, but the male didn't and as long as he wanted to pursue me, she wouldn't even suggest letting me go. She had a fairly good idea what they wanted with me and she regretted that she was a part of it, but she had been given an order and she intended to follow it. Not to the letter maybe, but closely enough that her loyalty wouldn't be questioned. The consequences wouldn't be pretty if that happened.

Victoria was well aware that she owed her.

_Owes Victoria what_? I wondered fleetingly, but the thought came as quickly as it went. Now wasn't the time to figure it out and I doubted knowing why the female was with Victoria would help me. Given what I saw in her mind, it seemed unlikely that I'd be able to convince her to help me.

I needed to get rid of her.

I desperately wanted to talk to Alice. I needed her guidance. How could I be sure that everything I did from this point on wouldn't screw up things up even more than they already were? But when I pulled my cell phone out, it was dead. With a frustrated growl, I hurled it against the nearest tree. It smashed into a hundred pieces.

The thought that I probably didn't have reception anyway offered no consolation.

The male had fallen behind. He couldn't keep up with us and was huffing and puffing in irritation as he barrelled through the forest, levelling everything in his path. He was at least three seconds behind, possibly more since he had to track even his companion by scent now, and the rain complicated that. Plenty of time for me to kill the female before he reached us. But would I be able to catch her by surprise a second time? Her guard was up—if I suddenly stopped, she'd know I was up to something. Granted, last time they had known they were walking into an ambush—well, pseudo-ambush—as well, but this time she knew I'd go straight for her.

On the other hand, three seconds were a small eternity. Plenty to time to kill her and burn the remains to make sure she couldn't be put back together. If the male caught up with me before she was destroyed, I'd run. And keep running until they either got bored, or this whole things was over and Victoria was taken care off. There was absolutely no reason my family shouldn't be able to handle the situation without me. They didn't really need me anyway; I just wanted to be there so that I could pretend to be in control.

Admitting that, even to myself, was easier than I thought it would be.

I drew a deep breath. That decided it. I'd try to kill the female one last time. If I succeeded, I'd meet up with the others as planned. If I failed, then I'd have to sit it out. I didn't like the prospect of not facing Victoria together with Bella, but it was my own fault. If I had stayed in Anchorage and gone with the others as planned, then none of this would have happened and I could have been with here.

I was an idiot.

_Here goes nothing_, I thought.

I slowed down almost imperceptibly. The female didn't notice and the male was too far away and too busy thinking about all the things he'd rather do than chase after me.

Slowly, the female got closer, still running at top speed. At some point she noticed that she was closing the distance between us, but she assumed it was because she was faster than me after all. It didn't occur to her that I was _letting_ her get closer.

She gained another few yards on me and her mood lifted, but she also became more alert, more focused. She was a good fighter and fairly confident she'd be able to take me, but if her assessment turned out to be wrong, she'd have to stall until her partner had caught up with us.

_I'll have to kill her quickly then_, I decided, ignoring the fact that the plan to kill her quickly had failed once already, and whirled around to face her.

Confusion swept across her mind when I suddenly stopped, followed instantly by a mental, _Oh crap!_ as she realised that I was trying to ambush her again. I half expected her to turn around and run for it, then she decided she might as well give it a try. I couldn't possibly be that good a fighter or I'd have engaged them directly instead of going only after her.

I smiled grimly, teeth bared, as she broke through the trees in front of me. She instantly slipped into a defensive crouch, a snarl ripping out of her throat.

The female knew what would happen if they caught me, but she didn't know that I knew. She also didn't know that I had an advantage over her. And that I _was_ a good fighter, probably better—much better—than she was.

We circled each other. I deliberately kept my stance loose to appear careless, or inexperienced, and she relaxed somewhat, coming to the conclusion that I only had gotten lucky before and that she'd be able to defeat me.

She charged first, vaulting through the air to tackle me. I danced out of the way, waiting until the last moment; I didn't want her to figure out that I knew what she would do before she actually did it. She hit the ground, bending her knees to absorb the impact, and whirling around. I had to let her get close, but I had to make it look accidental. She took a swipe at me, snarling viciously.

This time I let her hit me. I ducked a split-second too late to evade her blow and her fist connected with my jaw, with enough force to send me flying. I twisted through the air, landing on my feet, and turned around in time to see her coming at me again.

The male was still two whole seconds out because he had gotten off course.

Still plenty of time.

I stepped to the side. Just as she hurtled past me, I grabbed her by firmly locking my arms around her waist and yanked her back. She slammed into me and almost immediately started clawing at my arms as the sense of déjà vu hit here. Her mind was a jumble of incoherent thoughts. She was pissed. We hit the ground. She elbowed me in the ribs, trying to break free.

When she felt my teeth at the back of her neck, grazing her skin, she went instantly limp in my grip. Her breath came in shallow, ragged gasps. Fear pierced through her anger and brought order back to her thoughts. _I don't want to die_, she thought, with only a trace of panic. "Please don't kill me," she whispered.

My teeth broke through her skin and a strangled whimper escaped her lips.

_God, why did I have to go after him alone? I'm an idiot. I should have known this was another trap. Crap crap crap crap crap. I don't want to die. If I do, then it all would have been for nothing_.

"What?" I snarled into her ear.

She cringed. "What?" she whispered, uncomprehending.

"What would have been for nothing if you die?" I hissed. When she didn't reply immediately, I pressed my teeth into her skin again. They cut through easily. Her arms moved slightly, but she immediately balled her hands into fists and locked her muscles, even though her neck hurt. She was sure that if she struggled, I'd kill her. She didn't understand why I hadn't already. And how did I know about Jackson?

"Who's Jackson?" I asked in a flat voice.

"How do you know about Jackson?" Her voice was barely a whisper now. Why did her neck hurt so terribly?

"Have you never been bitten before?" I asked. "It's the venom. It stings. Who is Jackson?"

She sobbed once, then she said, her voice rough, "He's my husband." An image flashed up in her mind, the same that I had already seen in her thoughts—that of the huge vampire on Bella's welcoming committee.

"And what would have been for nothing if you die?"

"How do you know what I was thinking?" _He can't be reading my mind, can he?_

"You can sense _my_ mind, so anything's possible, isn't it? Now answer my question and maybe I'll let you go." It was a lie. Even as I said it, I felt guilty. I didn't want to kill her, but I had to because I doubted I could get her to do what I wanted. So she had to go.

I listened for the male's mind. Not that far away now. He could hear us and didn't have to rely on a scent trail. I needed to hurry.

But I also wanted to know how she had ended up with Victoria. Maybe that piece of information would help. Somehow.

"A woman came to me one day," the female said, rushed. _Stall_, she reminded herself; it had already slipped her mind that I could read her thoughts. "Her name was Skadi. I was visiting Jackson at the hospital and was standing outside his room, crying my eyes out. He'd just been through another round of chemo, but it didn't appear to have had any effect. He was going to die. I knew that, although the doctors refused to say it out loud. Told me I'd just have to keep hoping." She laughed once, the sound harsh and bitter. "Load of bullshit. So there I was and Skadi came up to me, asking me if anything was wrong." Another bitter, sad laugh. "I was in a hospital, for crying out loud. So of course something was wrong. But she was so nice to me and I needed someone to talk to because I don't have any family left and we had just moved to New York when Jackson was diagnosed with cancer…" She gave a tiny shrug, then remembered that moving with my teeth so close to her neck probably wasn't a particularly good idea and went still again. "Anyway, we got talking and she invited me to have coffee with her. She didn't drink it, which struck me as strange because it was one of those super expensive lattes with all the extras and… You're probably not interested in all that. We met a few times and one day she mentioned that there was a way to save Jackson and asked if I was interested. I was, but when she told me what it was… I didn't believe her. It sounded ridiculous. But she gave me her number anyway and two days later Jackson fell into a coma and I called her. She and two others came and took us away. After that I only remember burning pain and when it was over, we were told what we had become and that we owed Victoria, the vampire who'd changed us, for saving Jackson's life and for giving us the chance to live happily ever after. Of course we said yes. That's why I owe her."

"Why you and your husband?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. Victoria had picked her because of her gift. But how had she known?

"I've always kind of known when people I knew were nearby," the female explained. "That's why she wanted me. I don't know how she knew, but she did and she told me that she hoped that now that I was a vampire my gift—that's what she called it—would sort of develop and one day be of use to her. She was right. I'm pretty sure she just changed Jackson because she guessed that I'd feel obligated to work for her if she saved his life. And I do."

She had another reason for staying. She feared that Victoria would find a way to take Jackson away from her if they left. That was the kind of person she was. But the female didn't say it out loud.

"And who is Skadi?" I demanded.

The male was very close now. I was running out of time.

"She is Victoria's second-in-command. She travels a lot, gathers information. When she's with us, she spends most of her time making sure that Craig doesn't go after the females. She hates him. We all do. But Victoria likes him and so he stays." She swallowed and drew a shaky breath. "Are you going to kill me now?" she whispered, her voice strangled.

I don't know why I said the truth then. But I did. "I don't want to," I admitted, speaking so quietly that the male, although almost here now, couldn't overhear. "But I have to. Because you won't let me go and I have someone to protect too. And I would do everything to keep her safe. I'm so very sorry."

She cried out as my teeth sliced through her skin and the male, hearing her call of distress, put on a burst of speed. I checked for his mind to see whether I had enough time to kill her or—

_Shit!_

I rolled out of the way before he could grab me, the female caught between me and the ground. Scrambling to my feet, I let her go and she darted away, stopping a few yards behind me. "Sophie, you okay?" the male asked, his red eyes fixed on me.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

I feinted to the right. The male copied the movement and in her mind, I saw the female do the same. The male was growling low in his chest, ready to tear my throat out. The female was half lost in thought, going over what I had said.

_Why doesn't she tell him that I can read their thoughts?_ I wondered. But maybe it really _had_ slipped her mind. She had a lot to think about.

Time to get out.

I feinted to the left this time, waiting for them to copy the movement and, when they had, dashing off to the right. Both vampires rushed after me, ready to tackle me. I spun around again just as they converged on me, ducked out of the way and stated heading in the opposite direction. But the ground, though rockier than where I had entered the woods, were muddy and I slipped on the very first step.

I didn't fall, but the split second that it took me to regain my balance was all the male needed to figure out what I was doing. He came barrelling at me, face a distorted mask of fury. I knew what he intended and I started running, using every ounce of strength I had.

He jumped, changing his plans at the last second. I willed my legs to move faster, just a little faster… I had ambushed the female in a small clearing and there were no trees I could use for cover… If I managed to reach the tree line…

_Faster_, I willed myself.

Only now did I notice that it had stopped raining. A crow appeared against the sky, spread wings beating lazily. It seemed to hover there, motionless, as I sped past underneath.

_Faster_, I ordered myself.

I had almost reached the trees. I jumped, aiming for the thinnest tree in my path because it wouldn't be able to support the male's weight.

The male missed me. His hands brushed across my back, tearing my clothes, but he couldn't get a grip. He cursed and for one brief elated moment I thought I had gotten away. I could already feel the rough bark underneath my fingers.

Then his hands closed around my ankles like steel clamps, yanking me back down, and I slammed face first into the muddy ground.

* * *

**A/N: **So? Did you like it? Please review, even if it's only to threaten me with a pitchfork. ;-) Do you think they've really captured Edward? Or will he find a way to escape after all?


	42. Fear, Part 1

**A/N: **Update, update. Shortish chapter, I'm afraid. I'm hoping to update again next week, but I'd like to finish at least another chapter first so that I can keep updating weekly. We'll see.

Thanks for reviewing, alerting/subscribing to me/this story. You're amazing, guys!

A very special thank you for my beta KayMarieXW. I'm so glad I have you!

Enjoy!

**Recap: **Bella has been caught by Craig. However, the future as originally foreseen by Alice didn't come true; something has changed but since Bella has been unable to contact Alice, she doesn't know what. She'll soon find out.

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing!

* * *

42. FEAR PART 1

BELLA

_A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost._

_Jean-Paul Sartre_

* * *

Once inside, I was immediately assaulted by the sickeningly sweet stench of mould and decay. The lingering vampire scents only made it worse and I had to force myself to breathe the moist and heavy air. It smelled of human too, and of blood—_their victims'_, I thought—but my throat barely tingled when I inhaled. Mixed with the stench of decay, it held no appeal for me.

Again I noticed how silent it was. No crawling insects in the walls. No scurrying mice underneath the foundation. And outside not a single singing bird. Perfect silence, except for the sound of our feet on the rotten hardwood floor and a weak, irregular thudding sound that was so soft that it was barely a whisper. I must have missed it because of the yelling still going on outside; the vampires were discussing who should pay for a new car. For a moment, I couldn't place the sound because it didn't fit with a place as dead as this—then it clicked.

It was a beating heart. A human heart, beating dangerously slow. I could also hear laboured breathing, a horrible rattling sound that was painful to listen to.

Hope sparked although I had almost given up on finding her alive after all this time. _Liv?_

"If you're wondering if that's your friend," Craig said when I suddenly froze and stopped, craning my neck to figure out where the sound was coming from. It was so weak that I could barely hear it, which was not a good sign. "Yes, it is," he continued casually. He tone clearly said that he couldn't have cared less. "For some reason, Skadi won't let me kill her, though it'll make no difference in the end." He snorted derisively. "She's as good as dead." He gave me a shove and I started walking automatically, listening to the faint _thud thud thud_.

Liv was still alive. Only barely, but if her heart was still beating, then maybe I could find a way to save her. Quickly, because she didn't have much time left, but there was a chance. Liv being alive changed everything. I couldn't leave now, not without her. If I did, she would die and it would be my fault. She was in this situation because of me—I had to make it right. But how? I couldn't outrun eight vampires carrying Liv. And to get to her, I had to escape Craig and that didn't seem very likely. He wouldn't let me out of his sight again and he was too strong and too experienced for me to defeat him. Not to mention that the other vampires would come running instantly when they realised what was going on.

But I couldn't let Liv die. I had to find a way to get her out. Soon.

_Are you insane_, a voice in my head demanded. _You know exactly what he's going to do to you. You should run as long as you can and forget about Liv. It's time to start worrying about yourself._

Clenching my hands, I shut the voice out. It was my fault that Liv was here and my responsibility to save her, no matter what.

But a flicker of doubt and fear remained.

The floor creaked ominously as Craig steered me towards the stairs that led to the second floor. A narrow hallway ran past the stairs and in the room it opened to, I saw precariously stacked suitcases, brand new by the looks of it. Even vampires needed fresh clothes occasionally. Several steps had rotten through, others were badly splintered. At the foot of the stairs, Craig hoisted me up and jumped, landing gracefully at the top. The heart beat became marginally louder.

Craig turned us right, growling impatiently when I paused to determine where the sound was coming from. _The attic_, I decided eventually. Behind us was another staircase. It was steep and very narrow and only the banister was still there, white paint flaking off it. The wallpaper hung down in strips, soaked through; water was leaking through the ceiling and dripping down the wall. I thought the wallpaper was yellow, maybe with a floral pattern, but it was hard to tell. On my right were two doors leading into adjoining rooms and both were closed. Another door, standing slightly ajar, was straight ahead and the room it opened to seemed to be our destination.

Stepping inside after Craig had pushed open the door with his shoulder, I recognised it immediately. It was the room from Alice's original vision. Seeing it with my own eyes, I thought that it looked even worse than it had in the vision. The ceiling had disappeared completely under a layer of thick mould and was pitch black. The mould was crawling down the walls, as if to reach for the floor that was equally black. The wallpaper had mostly faded, but there were a few spots that were still a bright blue and the effect was creepy. There was no furniture.

Craig finally let me go, pushing me away. I caught myself before I crashed into the opposite wall and spun around, facing him. It took every ounce of self-control not to look away. I forced myself to meet his scarlet eyes, listening to Liv's beating heart. _Thud thud thud_. I could do this. I _had_ to do this. Maybe I'd be able to catch him by surprise. Jasper had said that a less experienced fighter was more dangerous than an experienced one because there was no telling what the idiot might do. Of course he'd mentioned it in a conversation he'd had with Eleazar about sword-fighting, so it probably didn't apply to hand-to-hand combat, but I could at least give it a try. Maybe I'd be able to distract him enough to buy me some time—I wouldn't need more than a second, tops—grab Liv and then get the hell out. And then, if by some miracle I managed to outrun the others and make it to the rendezvous point before they caught up with me, then Liv would be safe and I could take her to a hospital. I couldn't take care of her myself and certainly not without a fully equipped ER.

_This is never going to work_, I thought desperately. _There are way too many ifs and maybes._

But what choice did I have? I couldn't let her die.

Craig was smiling the same polite smile he had worn before. It was hard to believe that someone who seemed to compassionate and kind and caring on the surface, not to mention handsome, was actually a monster—a true monster, the kind who preyed on others and hurt them for the fun of it. Had he already been like this as a human? How many of his victims had fallen for his civilised facade?

Suddenly the smile vanished and I flinched back as he bared his teeth, a growl resonating at the back of his throat. I heard the softest of footsteps in the hallway and then one of the females stuck her head into the room, her red eyes briefly settling on me before she addressed Craig. Again, she didn't meet his gaze. Her face was smooth and expressionless, but she was twirling the end of her blond braid between her fingers, a nervous habit that had survived her transformation. She was trying very hard not to betray how anxious she was and failing miserably.

I swallowed, fighting the urge to step back and get more distance between Craig and me. He'd only see it as a sign of weakness.

"Where's…" the female began, then she had to clear her throat and started over, "where's Skadi?"

"Out hunting with the imp," he replied impatiently and the hardness in his voice sliced through my mind like a knife. I locked my muscles, willing them not to betray me.

The female wasn't unaffected by it either; she swallowed visibly. It seemed like she was torn between leaving and staying to say something else. Then she looked at me again and that seemed to decide her. Squaring her shoulders, she straightened, but her voice was a strange mixture between despair and resignation when she asked, "Any idea when she'll be back?"

Craig turned around deliberately slowly. From where I stood, I couldn't see the expression on his face, but it must have been truly horrifying because the female recoiled as if he had slapped her. She cowered in the door frame submissively, eyes fixed on the floor. She was terrified.

What had he done to her?

My hands started to tremble. I clenched them into fists.

"Get out," he said very softly and she whipped around instantly and darted off.

Before he could return his attention to me, somewhere in the room a cell phone started ringing. Grumbling something I didn't catch, he reached into the back pocket of his pants and pulled out his phone. "What?" he snapped. "I'm busy! I have a guest to entertain."

I heard a vicious snarl and then an equally viscously hissed, "Shut up!"

"I take it you were successful?" Craig asked, his irritation gone. Instead, he sounded as excited as a child on Christmas Day and that scared me worse than anything I had seen of him before. I focused on Liv's heart again, counting its beats. _Thud thud thud_. Was she conscious? Probably not. Her breathing was too low and too even. Also, her body was in the process of shutting down and trying to preserve as much energy as possible to delay the inevitable. At least she didn't have to face the nightmare she was currently starring in as long as she was unconscious. That was the beauty of unconsciousness—no dreams, no nightmares, no nothing.

"Yeah," a woman's voice said on the other end of the line. She sounded exhausted. "Sorry it took us so long. We'll be there in ten minutes."

"Thank you, Sophie," Craig said pleasantly and snapped his phone shut, smiling giddily. "I have a surprise for you," he told me, beaming now. This couldn't possibly be good. "Something I'm sure you're going to love. And enjoy. Although I suspect that I'm going to enjoy it more than you, but who knows?" He shrugged and his smile widened. He hummed tunelessly as looked at me for a moment, deliberating. The he took a step towards me.

I moved back despite myself.

He chuckled, amused.

Another step and I came up against the damp wall. My breath quickened. _Don't panic_, I told myself, but I could already feel it come crashing back like a tidal wave. The sound of Liv's heart wasn't strong enough to keep it at bay.

I had to get out. Now!

He was still walking towards me and I pressed myself against the wall, my mind spinning. I had to act _now _before it was too late—but I hesitated for a heartbeat too long. There was barely an inch left between us now and I smelled his breath on my face. My stomach turned.

_Get out get out get out get out_.

But what about Liv?

_Are you insane?_

My breath came in ragged gasps. The panic was taking over and I didn't know how to fight it. I knew that I had come up with plan, one that included Liv, but I couldn't remember it. My thoughts blurred together in my mind until they were only a jumbled mess that made no sense. The knot of fear in my stomach tightened.

Craig grasped a strand of my tangled hair, holding it to his face and inhaling my scent. It was so intimate a gesture that, although he had barely touched me, I felt oddly violated. He had no right to touch me like that. Finally, he pulled back, his head tilted sideways as his eyes roamed my body. The look in them was calculating.

"I bet you're really pretty underneath all that dirt," he said slowly and reached out to catch the hem of my blouse between his fingers, rubbing at the half-dried mud with a slight frown. Then his eyes travelled back to my face, boring into mine. His voice was very soft when he spoke. "Take off your clothes."

For one terrible moment that was no longer than the fraction of a second but felt like forever, his words didn't make sense.

I started at him, unblinking.

Liv's beating heart was the only sound.

_Thud._

_Thud._

_Thud._

"What?" I croaked eventually. My chest felt constricted. I couldn't breathe and I had to force the air down my throat and into my lungs. Panic settled over my mind like an iron blanket. There was no room for coherent thought, just wordless horror.

_!_

But I couldn't move. I stood frozen, completely paralysed. Any hopes I had had of saving Liv were gone now and seemed very far away. Seemed ridiculous. How could I save Liv when I couldn't even save myself? How could I have been so stupid to assume I'd stand a chance against him?

Craig raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, did that sound like I was making a suggestion?" He leaned closer until his body touched mine. I cringed away. "Take off your clothes."

Venom pooled in my mouth, but it tasted off. Stale.

It tasted of mind-numbing fear.

_He's going to hurt you_.

The thought pierced through the haze of panic as self-preservation finally kicked in and overrode my fear, turning it into rage and determination. Images flooded my mind, many of them badly blurred and nearly gone—human memories I hadn't tried to hold on to—but also others that were brighter. I remembered that night in Port Angeles, remembered how the men had herded me, remembered the squealing tires of Edward's car as he came to my rescue. I remembered my first days in the ER, remembered how shocked and sad I had been to learn what monsters human men could be. And my brightest memory was that of Rosalie telling me what had happened to her.

I didn't want that to happen to me. I wouldn't _let_ it happen to me. I would fight him, even if it meant nothing in the end. I would not go down without a fight.

The atmosphere in the room seemed to shift. The panic was gone. Instead, I felt calm and focused.

I knew what I had to do.

_I'm so sorry, Liv_, I thought, _but I have to save myself first before I can save you_. With that, I pushed the sound of her heartbeat out of my mind.

"Screw you," I said between clenched teeth, pronouncing every word with cutting precision.

A fleeting look of surprise appeared on Craig's face, but it vanished almost instantly and he shrugged. "Suit yourself," he muttered, turning around. For a moment I thought he would just leave, then he swung back, his right hand balled into a tight fist, knuckles straining against his skin.

I saw it coming, but I still wasn't fast enough to get out of the way in time.

I dove to the right, but his fist connected with the edge of my jaw so hard that my head snapped to the side. Using the momentum I had left, I pushed myself off the wall. I flew across the room and the door was to my right now, just a few steps away. Craig was already there, blocking my path; he must have anticipated my move. He had shed his civilised, human facade. His face was a distorted mask of rage: his teeth were bared and snarl after snarl ripped from his throat.

I replied in kind.

As we circled each other, it became very clear to me that he wasn't an expert in fighting. His fighting stance was what Jasper would have called sloppy and he didn't seem to think before he charged—when he did, he came at me directly, arms swiping madly. His hands only clawed through air. I evaded easily, but so did he when I charged.

And then he suddenly didn't. As I launched myself at him again, he straightened out of his crouch, arms raised. He intended to catch me, but I was already airborne; there was nothing I could do. I landed directly in his arms, as if we were gymnasts who had practiced the move to perfection. He clamped them around me before I had a chance to scramble free. Flipping us around, he pressed me into the floor, using his weight to keep me immobilised.

"Let me make one thing very clear," he growled. "You will do as I say when I say it."

"You can't make me," I spat.

Growling, he freed his arms and reached up to cup my face in his hands. His fingers dug uncomfortably into my cheeks.

"I can to everything I want," he ground out and then he kissed me.

It was a brutal kiss. He crushed his lips against mine and forced them open and I felt his tongue in my mouth. His taste made me want to gag. I struggled, trying to break away, but he kept me pinned to the floor.

I bit him.

He howled in pain and cringed back, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth over and over again. By the time his hand fell away, his lip had healed, but he kept running his tongue over it.

The venom remaining in his tissue stung.

"Let's set a few ground rules," he hissed viciously. "You'll behave and do as I say or your friend will pay for your stubbornness."

"If you think you can use Liv to blackmail me, you're wrong," I snarled. Craig wouldn't gain anything from threatening to hurt her. Liv was already dying, callous as that sounded. If she didn't receive medical attention within the next few hours, she wouldn't survive the day.

"I don't care about the human," he sneered.

I stared up at him, my mind racing. Minutes trickled by in which neither of us spoke. I knew that he was daring me to ask who he was talking about, but I wasn't going to take the bait. Besides, every non-human I knew was safe and sound at the moment, protected by overwhelming numbers. True, there were probably more of Victoria's vampires scattered across Montana—and the rest of the States—but my family would be able to handle them.

So what did he mean?

Outside a car rumbled up the road and pulled into the driveway, gravel crunching.

Craig relaxed visibly and finally managed to compose his face, giving me the same polite smile as before. "As always Sophie has perfect timing."

The engine was cut and doors opened and slammed shut again. Then a male voice demanded, horrified, "What on earth happened to that car?"

"She punched a hole in it," another male voice answered, annoyed. It belonged to the vampire who looked like The Thing in the _Fantastic Four _movies. "What the hell did you do with yours? Drive it through a swamp?"

"Shut up!" the other male snapped. "March," he said then, his voice harsh and impatient.

Footsteps sounded downstairs, the floorboards creaking under the weight. Then there was brief silence, followed by a soft _thud_. They had jumped up to the first floor.

Craig dragged me up and walked around me so that I was standing in front of him, my back to his chest, facing the doorway like he was. He kept his arms wrapped firmly around me the entire time; he didn't seem to want to risk a repeat performance.

A female vampire poked her head into the room, half-dried auburn curls falling wildly across her shoulders. Mud stuck to her clothes and her hair was full of leaves and pine needles. What had she been doing?

"Sorry it took us so long," she said again. She didn't meet Craig's gaze and her eyes settled on my only very briefly. Then she looked away. Her face was expressionless, but in contrast to the other female she had mastered the art of hiding her emotions. I couldn't tell what she was feeling. "If you don't need us anymore, Jackson and me would like to go hunting now."

"Yeah, sure." I felt Craig shrug. "Fine. Have fun. Just give me a minute."

She gave curt nod and disappeared. In the hallway, wood splintered, followed by muffled snarling.

"So," Craig said, returning his attention to me. His lips brushed across my temple as he leaned closer. "Here are the ground rules I mentioned. You will do as I say when I do that and I won't take your boyfriend apart and use the pieces to light a nice, cosy fire."

My mouth opened to ask, "What?" but nothing came out. The word stuck in my throat.

What was he saying?

But deep down in my heart I knew what he was saying. My mind simply refused to believe it.

"Bring him," Craig ordered and a moment later Edward stumbled into the room, his clothes drenched and caked with dirt and his golden eyes wide with terror.

* * *

**A/N: **So? Things don't look good, do they. Please let me know what you think. A teaser for everyone who reviews! ;-) (No, I'm not above bribery!)


	43. Fear, Part 2

**A/N: **I'm sure you've all been eagerly anticipating this chapter. Hope you won't be disappointed. I would love to hear what you think, whether it's bad or good. Was it what you expected?

Enjoy!

Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews I received and to everyone who added me/my story to their favourites/alert lists. Thank you all for your continuing support of, and love for, this story. That means a lot to me.

My amazing beta KayMarieXW deserves a special thank you. I don't know what I'd do without her and her insightful comments.

There will be no update next week. Instead, you'll get two chapters the week after next. However, depending on how much progress I make what I'm working on at the moment, I may update next week after all. But I'm close to panic mode regarding my exams (and what little time I have left to cram everything I need to know into my head), so I can't promise anything.

**Recap: **Bella and Edward have both been caught by Victoria's vampires. Neither the Cullens/Denalis nor the wolves have made an entrance yet, although our two heroes are in desperate need to support.

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

* * *

43. FEAR PART 2

BELLA

_And my heart is a hollow plain_

_For the devil to dance again_

_And the room is too quiet_

_Breath of Life by Florence + the Machine_

* * *

The world seemed to have stopped.

That's what it felt like—that it had stopped revolving around itself and that everything else had stopped too. I stared at Edward, horrified, as two vampires appeared at his back, grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him on his knees. They held him in a way that made it impossible for him to free himself, but he didn't look as if he had enough strength left to do that anyway, although that wasn't possible. He looked drained and exhausted and… defeated.

_How?_

That was the only word my vast mind seemed to be able to hold.

How had they caught him? He was smart and fast and he had his gift; he should have been able to escape easily, even if he was being followed. He should have been at the rendezvous point with the others, waiting for evening to approach and with it whatever future Alice had seen. Had she seen _this_? Were they still at the rendezvous point, or even still in Anchorage, or already on their way? They must be. Alice would have come after me the moment she had had the vision. She would never sit back and let something like this happen to me.

But why weren't they here yet?

Only Edward was, a prisoner like me, and his eyes were wide and full of terror I wasn't used to seeing in them. His lips were moving, but all I could hear was a strange hum in my ears and a high-pitched keen that I couldn't place. I just stood there, staring at him, and my heart felt like it had turned to ice. Hard and cold. But also hollow. Empty.

This wasn't supposed to be happening. This _couldn't_ be happening. But it was and I was here and so was Edward and I would do everything Craig wanted me to do because if I didn't, they'd hurt Edward and I couldn't let that happen.

But how?

_There's only one logical explanation, isn't there?_ a voice whispered in the back of my mind, clear and distinct and perfectly audible. _He followed you despite what Alice said and they caught him. And now you're going to have to pay for his stupidity._

Someone grabbed my shoulder, shaking me hard. The keen broke off abruptly, but I kept seeing everything through a strange haze. It felt like I wasn't really here, was just an observer. Like I was Alice, glancing through the looking-glass into a world of craziness where nothing made sense. Only I, unlike Alice, had already climbed through the mirror and was looking back into my world of normality, a world governed by sense. A world that was out of reach now.

That's what I felt like. Like everything had been turned upside down from one instant to the next and now I was stuck in this nightmare I couldn't escape, with reality—a reality where Edward and I wouldn't be held hostage, a reality where none of this would ever have happened—just beyond reach.

Something hit the side of my face, hard enough to make me stagger sideways. That finally cut through the trance I was in and everything came crashing back with brute force.

Edward snarled. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him struggle to get his feet underneath him. One of the vampires, the blond one who'd been waiting for me at the airport, punched him in the back so hard I heard something crack. He sank onto knees again, the menacing growl rumbling in his chest resonating through my bones.

Craig chuckled as I straightened and ran the back of my hand over my cheek, although of course it didn't hurt. "Do I have your attention now?" he asked, sounding more amused than irritated. Clearly, he was enjoying himself.

I glanced at Edward without meeting his gaze and his eyes were fixed on Craig in horror, a reaction to something he was seeing in his mind. I swallowed. For a moment I was tempted to peek, then decided that I didn't want to know what he was thinking, what he was planning to do to me.

That would only make it real and I couldn't deal with that yet.

_It's his fault. Everything is Edward's fault. _

I didn't know where the thought came from. But suddenly it was there and with it came rage. It started as a small spark igniting in my chest, but it quickly spread through my body like a wildfire, burning the fear away as it went.

Why couldn't Edward just do as he was told? Why did he always have to screw things up? Without him here, this wouldn't be happening. Without him here, Craig wouldn't be able to force me to do whatever his depraved mind came up with.

Why did Edward have to keep hurting me?

He couldn't have known this would happen. Not even Alice had, so how could he? And he had never intended to hurt me—in all that he'd done, he'd always acted in what he thought was my best interest. He'd meant well, but it didn't matter. Intentions didn't matter. Nothing mattered except that he was here and that he would die if I didn't do exactly as Craig said.

I clenched my hands into fists.

_Where are the others? Why aren't they here yet?_

"So?" Craig prompted to remind me that he was waiting for an answer.

I ground my teeth together to keep the answer on the tip of my tongue from getting out; I didn't trust myself to speak. I gave a jerky nod instead.

I didn't want to be a victim. The predator inside me, governed by self-preservation, demanded that I fight, that I do everything to keep this from happening, that I protect myself at all cost. But if I fought, if I resisted, then Edward would die. Even if Edward somehow managed to free himself, there were only two of us… and too many of them.

I looked at Edward again and for a moment our eyes met. I didn't know what he saw in my face, but he shrank back.

"Good," Craig said, smiling his disturbingly polite smile. He stepped to my side, placing his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to elbow him in the ribs, or at the very least slap his hand away, but I locked my muscles in place and went very, very still. Venom pooled in my mouth, but again it tasted strange. There was no rush, no nothing. Just disgust.

The knot in my stomach tightened.

_Stay angry_, I told myself, but the flames of rage receded and fear flared up again.

"Now," Craig continued. His hand travelled down my arm and settled on my waist, slipping underneath the hem of my tank top. As his skin touched mine, a shiver ran down my spine. He chuckled huskily into my ear, his lips brushing across my temple.

A strangled sob rose in my throat and I choked it back down, but my distress must have been showing because Craig started laughing in earnest now, a melodious and very pleasant sound that seemed at odds with his disturbed nature. His thumb traced the waistband of my jeans.

Edward snarled.

"Now, do you need a presentation as to what happens if you don't do as I say?" Craig gestured at Edward with his free hand. "Nobody needs all ten fingers."

Edward's breath came in quick gasps now. I had never seen him this terrified. Craig wasn't bluffing.

"No," I whispered quickly. My voice sounded rough.

"Good." Craig nodded as if we had just shaken hands on a business deal and gave me one of his polite smiles. This time there was a predatory edge to it, a sense of happy anticipation. He was looking forward to it. "Then would you be so kind and take off your clothes now? We don't have all day and I had rather Skadi didn't walk in on us." He grimaced. Whoever this Skadi was, he didn't like her very much. "Chop, chop." He clapped his hands twice. "Clothes off. And make it look good."

"Don't!" Edward snarled, straining against the vampires' grip again although it was useless. It was the first time he had spoken since they brought him. "Bella, don't. I'm not worth it. Please." His voice broke on the last word. "Please," he whispered pleadingly. "Please don't. Not for me, Bella."

"Hate to break this to you, buddy," Craig said, his lips twitching in amusement, "but I'm going to get what I want with or without her… cooperation. This way it's just a little more fun for me."

I watched Edward, waited for his temper to get the better of him, but his expression remained oddly calm. Almost… calculating. But then I met his eyes, saw the despair in them and knew I had misinterpreted the expression on his face.

"Victoria sure knows how to pick them," Edward spat. "Is this what you did as a human? What you got off on? Rape women while you made their husbands and boyfriends watch? You're disgusting."

If Craig was surprised by Edward's question, which was surely based on something he'd seen in Craig's mind, he didn't let on. Instead he shrugged. Maybe he thought that Edward had made an educated guess. Or maybe Victoria had told him that he could read minds.

"Among other things," he said, trying hard to sound moderate and failing miserably, "and yes, so I have been told. Repeatedly. You know, it still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when I think about how the FBI are never going to catch me now. Especially since they were _this_ close." He held thumb and forefinger of his free hand a millimetre apart. "I have been thinking of paying the lead agent assigned to my case a visit when this is over. She is_ very _pretty, for a human. And now get on with it."

As he removed his hand and stepped back, it felt as if a weight lifted off my chest, but my relief was short-lived.

Craig was looking at me expectantly. "What are you waiting for?"

He gave the blond vampire a quick nod and he grabbed Edward's hand, twisting it backwards until it was bent in an unnatural way. Edward's lips were pressed together so tightly that they were paler than usual. It couldn't have hurt, but it couldn't have been pleasant either.

"Don't," he pressed out. "Bella, don't. Please."

"Start undressing or the hand comes off," Craig said impatiently. He kept glancing out the glassless window, obviously waiting for something. Or someone.

"Please," Edward whispered, shaking his head ever so slightly. There was something in his eyes now beside the despair, something that I couldn't identify. Should I read his mind? But if I did, I'd see into Craig's too and I didn't want to know what he was thinking. The images would never go away.

With shaking hands, I started unbuttoning my ruined blouse.

"I hope for your sake that you have an excellent explanation for what you're doing," someone said in a chilling voice.

I froze and so did Craig. His expression hardened and, very slowly, he turned away from me. I followed his gaze, my fingers still grasping the top button of my blouse.

"So?" the female vampire standing in the doorway demanded, her face completely blank. Only her voice betrayed her emotions and she wasn't happy at all.

Craig's shoulders tensed. He wasn't afraid of the vampire who I assumed was Skadi, but he was clearly apprehensive as to what she might say. Or do.

"I'm waiting." Her eyebrows rose and she slightly cocked her head to the right, her expression turning inquisitive. She seemed merely curious and she way she stood there, with her arms by her side, was completely non-threatening. But she still had an air of authority about her that wouldn't tolerate disobedience and her voice, although calm and even, cut like a knife.

"You're back early," Craig said eventually, suppressed anger in his voice. He was losing his composure. No, he definitely didn't like this vampire. And the feeling seemed to be mutual.

"We got bored," she replied curtly. She was neither short nor tall, but fairly average in height, with a rather stocky build. Her blond hair, still wet from the rain, fell in a long braid over her shoulder. She wore a black tank top, black leggings and black flat-heeled boots. Her hands were in bright red leather gloves that matched the colour of her eyes. She had fed recently.

It was her eyes that I found the most unsettling, not because of their colour, but because of the expression in them. I was terrified of Craig, but I knew just from looking at her that this female was much, much more dangerous than he could ever be, even though she looked fairly harmless, if somewhat eccentric.

"Care to explain to me what you're doing? Don't bother telling me the 'why'," she added as an afterthought. Disgust had crept into her voice. "I already know that."

"I'm doing exactly what it looks like," Craig ground out. His confidence was starting to crumble. "Vic said I could play with her."

"I'm sure this," she gestured from Edward to me, without directly looking at either of us, "was not what _Vic_ had in mind."

His hands clenched into tight fists, Craig growled, but it somehow lacked volume.

"Get out," the female ordered. "Go hunting with the others. Go," she said again, with more emphasis this time and even I heard the warning in her voice. "And take your goons with you." She glanced at the vampires holding Edward, who bristled at being called 'goons'. But when her gaze settled on them, they let go of him instantly and nearly tripped over their own feet in their haste to clear the room.

Sauntering out of the room, hands in the pockets of his pants, Craig gave me a long, hard stare that said that this wasn't over. I suppressed a shudder. "Get out of my way, imp!" he snarled at someone in the hallway as what little composure he had left vanished.

Outside, he started yelling at the others although they could hear him just fine and from the window I saw them march into the woods in single file, like a group of first-graders going on a trip. Nobody protested.

Then we were alone.

I looked at the vampire, unsure of what to do. I wanted to feel relieved because she had saved me from something too awful to even contemplate, but I had a feeling that the other shoe had yet to drop. That this female—Skadi—wanted to lull us into a false sense of security. Because she _was_ dangerous. And she was also working for Victoria.

Edward was still on his knees. He started to get up, slowly and ungracefully like he had forgotten how to. His eyes flicked to the female, but he didn't seem overly concerned. Whatever he was seeing in her mind didn't worry him.

No immediate danger then. I relaxed marginally, but instead of the relief I had expected, the anger came flooding back, sweeping across my mind like a tidal wave. I turned to face Edward, watched him scramble to his feet.

"Bella," he whispered, arms raised defensively, like I was holding him at gunpoint. "I am so very sorry. I can't even begin to…"

That's as far as he got.

Something inside me snapped.

"You're sorry?" I demanded, my voice barely a whisper, but my tone stopped him cold. A red haze clouded my mind. Somewhere deep down I knew that this was neither the place nor the time to confront Edward, that there was time for that later when we were all safely out of here. But I really didn't care.

"You're sorry?" I repeated. "You're SORRY? Alice told you to follow her instructions to the letter, but no. You had to come chasing after me, screwing everything up like you always do because you thought you had to protect me. Because you thought you knew better than the psychic. And look where that got you. Where it got me. I would have let him do this tome, Edward. Because of you. _For_ you!"

"Bella," he whispered, so much pain and misery in his voice that I hesitated for a moment.

But only for a moment. _I hope he feels wretched_, I thought, furious. _Because he should. _He had screwed up and I couldn't forget that I nearly would have had to pay for his mistake. This time I couldn't forget.

_But he didn't mean it_, reason put in calmly.

Didn't matter. His intentions didn't matter.

_But he loves you_.

Then why did he keep hurting me?

"I don't want to hear it, Edward," I retorted harshly and he cringed like I had punched him in the guts.

"Silence," the female said. She never even raised her voice, a pleasant contralto, but it was the kind of voice that sliced through steel. No wonder Craig didn't like her. He didn't seem to do well with orders—unless he was the one giving them.

I couldn't identify the expression in her eyes as she looked at me. Curiosity? I glanced at Edward despite myself, my hands clenched so hard that my fingernails dug into my palm. I didn't even want to be in the same room with him right now, let alone shield him—and feel his mind so close to my own—but maybe his expression could tell me something about what the female was thinking.

It didn't. He had sank back on his knees, head lowered. He was staring at the mouldy floor and his face was empty, blank. The expression was a familiar one; it told me that wherever his thoughts had taken him, it was a place to dark, so ugly, that I would never ever wish someone to feel what he must be feeling now.

_He deserves it_, I thought coldly, but I couldn't banish the concern from my mind. I was angry, yes, and hurt and disappointed. And some very petty part of me wanted him to suffer. But I had never wanted him to return to that dark place inside his mind, where he was hanging on to his sanity by the thinnest of threads.

"You must be Bella," the female said, breaking into my train of thought.

I turned to face her, uncertain of what to expect.

She had clasped her hands behind her back and was watching me was intently as I was watching her. She pursed her lips, deliberating for a moment, then she sighed—the way people sigh when they are almost a hundred per cent certain that what they're about to do is against their better judgement—and pulled off her right glove.

"I am Skadi," she said, not unkindly. She held out her hand for me to take, but I hesitated—I was having a déjà vu. Skadi rolled her eyes and, clucking her tongue disapprovingly, closed the distance between us, touching her fingers against my forehead. I flinched, which she must have expected. Her other hand, the one still wearing the glove, closed firmly around my left upper arm and pulled me closer.

For one terrible moment I thought that her fingers would drill into my skull Replicator-style—God, I should never have let Seth make me watch all ten seasons of _Stargate_!—but she withdrew her hand an instant later without anything happening.

I watched her put the glove back on, wondering why she had touched me. But for whatever reason she had, it seemed to have cleared things up for her. Confirmed something she had only suspected. She relaxed visibly and gave me a smile that lit up her whole face. She wasn't a beauty; she looked fairly ordinary for a vampire, easily overlooked. But nobody would be able to forget her after they had seen her smile.

I felt my lips pull into a smile as well, although there was a chance that she was playing me, trying to win my trust and then stab me in the back later. But her smile seemed too real.

"Bella," I said eventually. "But you already knew that."

"Yes, indeed I did." She studied me for a very long time, frowning. With every passing second the crease in her forehead deepened. She was unhappy about something. "You're not what I expected," she said eventually. "Victoria made it sound like you were ten feet tall and wielding Thor's hammer."

I lifted my eyebrows.

Skadi's smile widened, although there was an edge to it now that I couldn't place. Regret? I glanced at Edward again, but it didn't look like he was even following our conversation.

"Well," she allowed, "that's not exactly what she said. Her exact words were 'conniving bitch'."

"That doesn't surprise me," I said slowly, carefully.

"You're wondering why I'm telling you this, aren't you?" she asked. "Well, the answer to that is fairly simple, although you'll probably have difficulty believing me." She took a step towards me, squarely meeting my eyes. "I'm having second thoughts. I have been for a while, but what I saw just now and what the child showed me… Let's just say it cleared things up for me." She grimaced. "I wish I was wrong, but I'm not going to hide from the truth."

"Child?" I asked, puzzled, though that probably wasn't the question I should have asked. Hope fluttered in my heart. _What are the odds of her being here?_

Skadi looked over her shoulder, saying something in a language I had never heard before. A head attached to a pair of narrow shoulders appeared in the doorway, a small round face that was framed by a crown of raven braids. Her eyes, bright red but with a hint of orange, kept flicking nervously from Skadi's face to mine.

Not very surprising, considering that the last thing one of us, Rosalie to be precise, had said to her was that we didn't want her.

"Freya?" I asked, relieved, slowly crouching down so that I was at eye-level with her. I was also giving Skadi a chance to attack me from above; I probably wouldn't even see the blow coming. Not that I'd be able to do much about it, in any case. Skadi looked like she could take me apart in a matter of seconds.

But she surprised me by stepping away and leaning against the blue wall, arms by her side. Again she tried to look non-threatening. But she kept her body angled slightly toward me, ready to pounce should I attack Freya. She was protecting her.

I hadn't expected that.

Freya slipped into the room, chewing on her bottom lip. She wore new clothes, a blue sweater, sturdy jeans and hiking boots. She looked incredibly young, much younger than eleven, but at least she seemed well cared for. Although she had ended up with Victoria like we had feared, she didn't appear to have been harmed.

"Hey," I said, giving her the kindest smile I could muster under the circumstances. "It's good to see you again. We were worried about you."

"You were?" she asked in her high voice. A dubious frown creased her face. "But Rosalie said…"

I waved my hand dismissively. "Rosalie doesn't speak for the rest of us. And she's very sorry that she said those awful things to you. She didn't mean to and she would like to apologise to you in person if that's alright with you."

"I don't know," she replied, glancing nervously at Skadi. She wasn't sure what to do. She also wasn't sure she could trust me.

Skadi gave her an encouraging smile. "It's true, _ketlingr_. I saw it. You can trust her." Her gaze shifted from Freya to me. "_I_ can trust her."

"Trust me?" I asked, thoroughly confused now. What was going on?

Skadi let out her breath slowly. "I owe you an explanation, but I fear that particular story is a rather long one. I'm not sure I'll have time to tell you everything before Craig and the others get back."

"Try," I said pleadingly. I had a feeling that this whole situation was far more complicated than we could have guessed. She had to tell me. The others were on their way—hopefully—and if something had changed, they needed to know.

"Your coven is on their way, correct?" Skadi asked.

My mouth dropped open.

Her lips twitched into a smile. "I'm going to explain later. Here." She handed me her cell phone. "Call them. Tell them what's going on and that you'll call again as soon as you know more. Go on." She nodded at the phone in my hand when I didn't start dialling immediately. "Call them."

"You can trust her," Freya whispered, moving to Skadi's side and taking her hand. "She hates Victoria too."

"Then why do you work for her?" I challenged.

Skadi sighed, unhappily this time. "As I said, it's a long story. Just call your coven, let them know you and your…" Her gaze wandered to Edward, eyebrows arched questioningly.

"Mate," I said softly.

"Let them know you and your mate are unharmed," Skadi finished. "After that I'll tell you everything you want to know."

"What about Liv?"

"Your human friend. Yes, I was getting to that. I have an idea that may save her life if we act quickly. I fear she's already too far gone. Maybe you should take a look at her. I've been told you're a doctor."

"Take me to her," I said firmly, adding quickly, "I'm calling my family now," when Skadi started to protest. "Freya?" I asked as I entered Carlisle's number. I wasn't sure I'd actually get a chance to speak if I called Alice. "Could you do me a favour?" I said to Freya.

"Sure, I guess," she said, but only after exchanging another look with Skadi.

"Could you bring me my bag, please? It should be in the trunk of the SUV. There's a medical kit at the bottom."

"Sure." Freya gave a quick nod—and a hesitant smile—and darted off.

I followed Skadi into the narrow hallway. She headed for the staircase that led to the attic. I jumped up after her, wedging the phone between head and shoulder so that I would have my hands free once Freya returned with my bag.

I still had no idea why Skadi was helping us, or if I could even trust her, but if it meant saving Liv after all, I was willing to take my chances.

Carlisle answered on the second ring. "Hello?" he said in a flat voice. It was strange to hear him this tense. I thought of Carlisle as the calm anchor of the Cullen family, the one who kept everything together when it started falling apart.

In the background I could hear the others talking, voices rising and falling. It sounded like they were arguing. Every now and then someone snarled, but whether it was vampire or wolf I couldn't tell.

"Carlisle, it's me," I said quietly.

On the other end of the line it was instantly silent.

"Bella?" he asked, in a mixture of disbelief and relief. "Are you alright? Alice saw…" A brief hesitation. "Alice saw you getting hurt. She also saw you _not_ getting hurt, but right now she doesn't know what to believe. She says the future hinges on too many unmade decisions."

"I'm fine," I said hurriedly and Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief. "Edward's fine too," I added before he could ask. "And so is Freya. She's here. Victoria's had her all along."

"She is?" Carlisle asked sharply.

In the background I heard someone laugh shakily, relieved. Esme.

"She is," I confirmed. "Liv is still alive as well, but it doesn't look good. I need to get her out of here and to a hospital as quickly as possible. Where are you?"

"At the rendezvous point waiting for Sam. We left Anchorage as soon as Alice saw what would happen, but it quickly became clear that if we were to attempt a rescue mission, you and Edward would be killed before we could get to you. We weren't willing to take that risk. So we're here, waiting. Alice still sees Victoria there with you, later today. In the evening, after nightfall. We don't understand though." He sounded confused. "I thought she knew this was a trap?"

"I'll explain later," Skadi said quietly. She'd been listening to our conversation.

"Who's that?" Carlisle wanted to know.

"One of the vampires working for Victoria," I explained.

"A decision I've come to regret deeply," Skadi muttered darkly as she pushed open the door to the attic. The hinges squealed in protest. "Look, girl. I know you don't trust me, but you're going to have to take a leap of faith. I may have an idea how to get your friend safely out of here, provided your coven promises not to harm Freya if I send her back to them."

"Why would they harm me?" Freya asked from the bottom of the stairs, clutching my medical kit. Her eyebrows were knit together in confusion.

"We would never harm her!" Esme exclaimed, indignant, her voice closer now. She must have taken the phone away from Carlisle.

"Then why did she run away from you?" Skadi asked evenly, but I heard the accusation in her voice and, clearly, so did Esme.

"Because," she began, annoyed now, but it was Rosalie, who continued, "because I'm stupid and arrogant and selfish and I never should have said the things I did. Freya, I'm sorry. Please believe that. I want you to know that you'll always be welcome here."

Freya looked from me to Skadi and from Skadi back to me, uncertain. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she could believe what Rosalie had said.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," Rosalie said quietly. "You don't have to say anything, Freya. I'm handing the phone back to Carlisle now."

"Freya will be safe with my family," I said to Skadi. A promise. "What did you have in mind for Liv?"

"Well." Skadi gestured for me to enter first and I stepped past her. The stench of filth assaulting me was overwhelming. "The others have been pestering me for quite some time now. They want me to kill the human. They don't like having her in the house because she poses a constant temptation and they're upset with me for not allowing them to feed on her. To be honest, I don't know why I've kept her alive for so long. Anyway, I don't want Freya here when the fighting begins. I suggest that she takes your friend to your coven and someone stays behind with her to make sure nothing happens to her. That way they'll both be safe. I promise you won't be outnumbered."

"Can we trust her?" Carlisle asked, dubious. "Have you discussed this with Edward, Bella? What does he think?"

I thought of Edward in the room downstairs, trapped inside his mind. I didn't like lying to Carlisle, but I was fairly certain he was in no condition to speak. But if Edward couldn't make certain that we could trust Skadi, then I would have to.

I spread my shield over him before I could change my mind, bracing myself for the darkness that would surely try to swallow me. And it did. It swept across me, spilling into my own mind and threatening to drag me down into the spiral of despair Edward was caught in. I felt my control slipping; my mind was trying to protect itself from the onslaught of darkness. I searched for Skadi's mind, hanging on to my shield by a thread—

Something inside my mind snapped.

Edward's mind was gone and so was Skadi's.

But the split second I had been able to read her thoughts had been enough. There had been no trace deceit. Hopefully, what I had seen was the truth.

"Yes, I have," I replied, hoping Carlisle wouldn't hear the guilt in my voice and praying that he wouldn't ask to talk to Edward personally. "Edward says we can trust her."

That seemed to be enough for Carlisle. "Alright," he said. "Let's do it."

* * *

**A/N: **Did you like it?How do you like Skadi? Do you think she's up to any good? Did you expect to see Freya again? Remember, a teaser for everyone who leaves a review, no matter how short or long. (Maybe this time I'll finally manage to send them out sooner than on the day I post the actual chapter…)

A side note: If you review as guests and thus anonymously, I can't get the teaser/review reply to you.


	44. Darkness and Light

**A/N:** Sorry, sorry, sorry I kept you waiting for so long. I know this chapter is rather shortish, but I'll upload the next on Monday, maybe even tomorrow night.

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews you wrote! You know how happy they make me!

Thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW, who is just wonderful!

Enjoy!

**Recap: **Bella and Edward were caught by Victoria's vampires. It seems though that they have found an unexpected ally. But can she be trusted? And how does Edward deal with what almost happened?

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm only borrowing.

* * *

44. DARKNESS AND LIGHT

EDWARD

_I saw also that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love, which flowed over the ocean of darkness._

_George Fox_

* * *

In my mind there was nothing but darkness.

I wanted to die.

I deserved to die.

I had made so many mistakes, had done so many unforgivable things, yet Bella had forgiven me. Had forgiven me and taken me back. Hadn't left me when I told her that I didn't know if I could keep the promise I had made, that I didn't know if I was capable of change. I didn't deserve her. I never had, had always known that I would only hurt her in the end, but never before had it been so clear to me as it was now.

I hurt her with everything I did. With every decision I made I caused her pain and the harder I tried, the more I hurt her.

_Because you're a monster_, a voice said from the darkness, hard and cruel and cold. _Because you only think about yourself. You don't deserve her. You don't deserve anything. This time there will be no forgiveness. Only pain and despair. For as long as you exist._

The darkness threatened to suffocate me and tear me apart at the same time. I let it, let it invade my thoughts and shroud them in black until there was no light left. I didn't want to fight anymore. What was the point? This time there would be no forgiveness. There couldn't be.

What I had seen in his mind… My stomach lurched at the thought and I buried my face in my hands. But the images wouldn't go away. In the darkness of my soul they were bright and clear, haunting me. That they hadn't come true didn't matter. They almost had and it was my fault. That was enough.

Remembering his excitement was so repulsive it made me feel physically ill. He would have enjoyed it. He would have hurt her, humiliated her in every way imaginable, and he would have enjoyed it. He had hoped I might be of use to him. He hadn't been certain that another vampire would be arriving with Bella, but after he had returned from Anchorage and called Victoria to tell her that Austin was dead—and she had told him that Bella being here must be a trap—he hadn't wanted to take any chances. He had guessed correctly that if anyone would go with Bella, then it would be me. And he had also guessed correctly that Bella would do everything to protect me.

I couldn't forget the look on her face as she started unbuttoning her blouse; it would be forever etched on my mind. She had looked so desperate. So scared. I had stalled, knowing that help was on the way, that the vampire who was with Freya would stop him. But it had been close. They had only returned early because Sophie, the vampire I had tried and failed to kill twice, had tracked her down and told her what was going on. Despite all that I had done to her, she didn't want to happen to me—and to Bella—what she had seen Craig do to countless others, vampire or human. If she hadn't, if the vampire called Skadi hadn't come back, then he would have hurt Bella and it would have been my fault.

It mattered very little that nothing actually had happened. Without me here, Bella wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with. I had wanted to explain to her why I was here, why I hadn't been able to escape, but she hadn't let me and it didn't matter anyway. She hadn't trusted me before. Now she'd never trust me ever again. All I could do was cause her pain.

When would she finally realise that I wasn't good for her?

_I can't live without her_. The thought pierced through my mind and with it came a fresh wave of despair that flooded the corners of my soul until there was only suffocating blackness. I couldn't live without her, but I didn't deserve to live _with_ her. I wasn't good for her. I never had been. Why should things be any different now that she was a vampire like me? The only thing that had changed was that now I could cause her even more pain, could hurt her even more. It shouldn't be like that. A relationship shouldn't be like that, yet ours was. It was flawed, dysfunctional. How could we be meant to be together when it was so hard? When it hurt so much?

Something touched my back, feather light and warm. I wanted to open my eyes and see what it was, but the darkness wouldn't let me. It wrapped itself around me more securely, holding me so tight I couldn't breathe.

"Edward," a voice whispered softly. "I'm sorry."

The words, accompanied by a brief flicker of light, trickled into my mind, but they were swallowed instantly by the abyss, what little light the voice had brought into my soul extinguished. It was so very dark. So empty.

"Please stop," the voice whispered. Arms closed around me, holding me as tight as the darkness. The scent washing over me was familiar—my most favourite fragrance in the world, the one I was most attuned to, the one that called to every aspect of my being. Hands on my back then, caressing me, stroking me. "Stop hurting yourself," the voice said pleadingly and as it did, a burst of light set my mind ablaze, so blindingly bright that I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Lips moving against mine now, gently, carefully at first, then more urgently, frantically even.

_Nobody deserves this. _The voice was unexpected. For a moment I thought it had come out of the darkness, but it had retreated before the light, hovering on the edge of my mind and waiting for it to vanish again. _Nobody should live with so much darkness in his soul. _Images flooded my mind, memories both human and vampiric, and splinters of thoughts. I couldn't read emotions the way my brother could, but even I felt the overwhelming love that came with these thoughts, that poured into my mind like golden light. Bella's light, for it were her thoughts that I was hearing.

With the darkness gone, my body remembered how to move. I wrapped my arms around her in a crushing embrace and my lips parted so that I could taste her.

And her light drove the darkness away.


	45. Ties

**A/N: **Guys, you're amazing! I honestly did not expect so many lovely, positive reviews for "Darkness and Light". Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how happy that makes me.

Thank you to all who wished me good look for my exams. The first is on Friday and while I feel surprisingly optimistic about it, I'm also a little (okay, not just a little) nervous. Keep your fingers crossed, please!

I don't know when I'll be able to write the next chapter. Hopefully, I'll have the time once my written exams are over. I hate to keep you waiting and believe me, I want this story finished as much as you do.

Enjoy!

Thank you, KayMarieXW, for being such a wonderful friend and beta!

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

* * *

45. TIES

BELLA

_Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will._

_Mahatma Gandhi_

* * *

Liv was dying.

Part of me had already known—her heartbeat was too weak, her breathing too laboured. But now that I was kneeling in front of her, I knew. She was thin, too thin, and where her skin wasn't green and yellow with old, half-faded bruises she had sustained a little while ago, it was ashen. Her brown hair was matted and her clothes were damp with sour sweat. She lay on a thin, dirty blanket, with another two blankets draped over her and tucked in firmly underneath her body, but the attic was cold and draughty and they hadn't been enough to keep her warm. Behind her, in the corner, I discovered a few empty water bottles. One sat beside her, still half full. Judging by the way she smelled, she hadn't touched it in a very long time.

"It's been a while since I cared for a human," Skadi murmured quietly. She was standing behind me, her arms wrapped around Freya's shoulders. Freya had asked me if Liv was going to be okay and I already knew the answer, but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.

"You gave her water," I replied, somehow managing to keep my voice clear of all emotion. I didn't want to sound accusing. Skadi didn't deserve that. She had had no reason to keep Liv alive for as long as she had and I didn't want her to think I wasn't grateful. Because I was. "That was good."

"It was my idea," Freya chimed in proudly.

I glanced over my shoulder, forcing a smile on my lips although I felt like crying. "You did good. Really good. Without you she'd probably be dead already."

She beamed at me, but she seemed strangely tense. Her shoulders were rigid and she was clutching Skadi's arm, knuckles straining against the skin. I suddenly realised that Skadi wasn't hugging her. She was restraining her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, although I knew the answer the second the words left my lips. Of course. How could I have forgotten? Freya was barely six months turned. She was having a hard time resisting the call of Liv's blood. _Strange_, I noted absently. To me Liv didn't smell good at all and certainly not tempting. She just smelled very, very sick.

"Maybe you could go and see how Edward's doing," I suggested lightly, so that she wouldn't think I was throwing her out.

"I think that's an excellent idea," Skadi said immediately. Something like admiration crossed her face. Maybe she liked how I had handled the situation. She seemed to have become very attached to Freya. Despite my quick dive into her mind, I still wasn't a hundred per cent sure that I could trust her. But even if she was playing me, at least she was also protecting Freya. That was worth something.

Freya flitted out of the room and we were alone.

"How is she?" Skadi asked, crouching down beside me. She pulled off her right glove and gently put the back of her hand across Liv's forehead, then sighed in frustration. "She feels hot to me, but then, all humans feel hot to me. I try not to touch them too much except for when I feed." Seeing me glance at the glove in her hand, her lips curved into a smile. "Yes, I owe you an explanation. But you should care for your friend first."

I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. There wasn't much I could do for her here. She needed an ER—and probably an ICU. "To answer your question, she's very sick. She's running a fever and judging by the rattling in her lungs when she breathes, I'd say she has pneumonia. It means her lungs are inflamed, keeping her from breathing properly. It also means that because her body is fighting the infection that caused it, her immune system is weakened and… And that's absolutely irrelevant right now," I finished contritely when Skadi quirked an eyebrow at me. "Sorry. I kind of get carried away when I go into doctor mode. Anyway, she needs antibiotics, the kind you only get in a hospital."

"I see," Skadi said. "Well, then I hope for your friend's sake that your coven will manage to get her there in time. I'm going to send Freya off as soon as the others return so that they won't be tempted to track her down if they cross her trail. They think of her as their mascot and are very protective of her, even the males with the exception of Craig. For some reason she rubs him the wrong way." Skadi grinned maliciously. "So of course I bring her with me whenever I come here to check up on him."

I tucked the blanket more securely around Liv's body and straightened. The wooden floor creaked ominously. I had a whole bunch of questions for Skadi and the one popping into my mind was hardly the most important, but I asked it anyway. Morbid curiosity, I guess. "Did Victoria change him? Or was he already a vampire when they met?"

"She changed him," Skadi answered immediately. "Her second biggest mistake on a list of mistakes that is at least a lightyear long, if you ask me. She was hunting and smelled the blood. He had just killed his latest victim. I don't know why she changed him. She usually picks new recruits more carefully. But my guess is that she was tired of being alone." A sad smile tugged at her lips. "Nobody wants to be alone. She doesn't feel about him the way he feels about her, but she's very good at hiding it and I know he doesn't suspect a thing. Besides, he can be quite charming when he puts his mind to it, the little bastard, and he is handsome enough." She laughed once. "Who knows, maybe she did fall in love with him after all. I wouldn't know. She hasn't allowed me to read her in a very long time."

I frowned. Read her? What did she mean by that?

"In any case, Victoria doesn't trust him. But he doesn't know and I'm certainly not going to tell him otherwise. He wouldn't believe me anyway." She shrugged and, having put the glove back on, pulled out her cell phone again, giving me a quick smile. "I know you must have many more questions for me, starting with why I am helping you. Let me make a few phone calls and after that I'm going to tell you and your mate everything you want to know."

"Phone calls?" I asked, instantly suspicious.

Skadi's lips twitched in amusement. She didn't seem to take offence. But then, why would she? It would have been beyond careless not to be suspicious. "Victoria won't show up tonight if she doesn't feel safe, so I'm going to make certain she does." She stepped through the door and I saw her jump, landing quietly in the hallway. A moment and another short jump later, the front door squealed. Peering through the window, I saw her walk out onto the front porch, dialling.

"Hello?" The voice answering the phone was female. But it wasn't Victoria.

Skadi looked up, smiling slightly when she saw me behind the nearly blind window. She knew I was watching her. She also knew that I could hear what was said on either end of the line.

She was staying in hearing distance to show me that I could trust her.

I ran my hands through my tangled hair. All our planning had been for nothing. Why hadn't Alice seen that Skadi would help us? A snap decision? Why had she touched me earlier? Had she 'read' me, whatever that meant? Everything had suddenly become ten times more complicated.

I sighed. Hopefully, Skadi would be able to shed some light on what was really going on here.

"Just a few more hours," I said quietly to Liv, "and then you'll be safe again." Crouching down beside her again, I tucked a strand of matted hair back behind her left ear. She didn't stir. Her ugly glasses were gone, lost somewhere on the way probably. Not that she really needed them. Her eyesight wasn't that bad. At least it hadn't been two years ago, but she was older now. "I am so sorry," I whispered. "For everything. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. It was better. Safer. I wanted to protect you. I didn't think you'd suffer so much."

Just like Edward hadn't thought I'd suffer so much. I smiled sadly. I had done to Liv the same thing Edward had done to me and I hadn't even realised it up until now. Maybe what I had done was even worse because I had left without a word, without a goodbye. Liv had been my closest friend since med school and I hers. But maybe I had been more than a friend to her. Maybe she'd been in love with me, just a little, and that's why she had taken it so hard. It would explain everything. All the things she'd done for me. I thought she'd done them for me because we were friends, but maybe she had done them because, in her mind, we were something more.

She had never even hinted at it, but then she wouldn't have. She wouldn't have wanted to hurt me. I had never told her about Edward and she had never asked, but somehow she had guessed that our relationship had ended badly and that it had scarred me for life. Liv was one of the kindest, most caring people I knew, always putting others above herself. That's what made her a good doctor and the best friend you could possibly have.

And I had left her.

_That's how Edward must feel_, I thought miserably. Carefully, I took Liv's fragile, grey hand, squeezing it gently. It felt scalding hot against my skin. "When this is over, we'll talk," I promised, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. I had no idea what I'd tell her, but I'd figure something out.

If only she'd still be there for me to tell her.

oOo

"Freya, could you give us a moment alone, please?"

Freya glanced over her shoulder from where she was sitting cross-legged on the mouldy floor. Her eyes were worried and she was chewing on her bottom lip again, a nervous habit that had obviously survived her transformation. She had been talking quietly to Edward when I entered the room, but I didn't think he'd heard a word of what she'd said. He was still on his knees, palms on his thighs. His eyes were closed and he was very still, the only outward signs of his distress.

My stomach tightened in concern. _That's not what I wanted_.

"What's wrong with him?" Freya asked in a small voice as she got to her feet, wrapping her arms around her body as if to comfort herself. "He's been like this since I came down." She looked at Edward again, front teeth buried in her bottom lip.

"I know," I said softly. "I'll take care of it." That's all I said. I didn't want to explain what had almost happened, what Edward's mistake had almost cost me, and that he was punishing himself for it by revelling in the darkness in his mind. An eleven-year-old girl, vampire or not, shouldn't have to know about these things.

Freya slowly walked towards the door, her eyes on Edward. It was obvious that she was still attached to him. Edward had told me that she thought he'd saved her life and she wasn't wrong. "Are you still mad at him?" she asked eventually, hesitant. She wasn't sure how I'd react to her question, maybe even afraid I'd snap at her for asking.

"No," I replied quietly. "No, I'm not mad at him anymore. Just disappointed. He did something he wasn't supposed to and every decision has consequences, sometimes bad ones. He shouldn't be here. Alice and I told him not to follow me here, but he did and I…" I swallowed. I had already locked what had almost happened away in a box. I'd deal with it later when there was nobody here to watch me break down. But what was I supposed to tell Freya? "And I almost got hurt," I finished eventually.

Freya frowned as she mulled this over, then comprehension spread across her face. "I see. Craig wanted to use him to hurt you." The way she said it, so matter-of-factly, spoke volumes about the horrors she must have endured in her time with Adam and the group he'd put together. I needn't have worried about giving her nightmares, even figurative ones. She already knew about the evil in this world, about the darkness. How could she not, living in the same house with someone like Craig? Even if it seemed to be only temporary.

"Yes, he did," I said softly.

Freya nodded knowingly. For a moment I thought she spoke from experience and anger spiked at the thought of Craig touching her, but Skadi would never have let that happen. Even if she was double-crossing us, it was obvious how much she cared about Freya. She'd never let anybody hurt her. "The others told me stories about Craig," she explained when I tentatively asked her how she knew. "What he's like, you know. Skadi was furious with them, but they said that I was a vampire and that it was stupid to protect me of monsters when I'm one myself."

"You're not a monster, Freya!" I exclaimed. I didn't want her to think that and feel bad about herself. It wasn't her fault that she was what she was.

She surprised me by rolling her eyes. "Bella, I'm a vampire," she said, in a tone that said she was stating the obvious. "I'm pretty sure that falls into the monster category. You know, like werewolves," she shuddered a little, probably remembering seeing Jake's teeth up close, "and witches and banshees and so on. Only I'm the real stuff. I know that Craig's a different kind of monster. He's like Adam." Her face darkened and she bared her teeth a little, looking quite scary. Or as scary as an eleven-year-old girl with butterflies stencilled on her shirt could look. "Skadi's killed him, by the way," she said then, in a lighter tone. "I know that Emmett and Jasper went looking for him, but he was already dead when they left. Skadi came to check up on him because she didn't like what she saw when she touched Craig. And when she learned what Adam had done to us, she killed him. I'm glad she did," she added, somewhat blood-thirstily. This coming out of the mouth of a child should have shocked me, but I was past that point by now. "After I ran away Skadi found me," she went on. "She recognised me and she took me in. She takes me with her when she checks up on the other vampires. She's been very nice to me. I like her. She wants me to stay with her when this is over." Her orange-tinged eyes settled on my face. "Did she mean it?" she asked hesitantly. "What Rosalie said on the phone. Did she mean it? I'd like to see Esme, Carmen and Alice again. I think they'd like Skadi. We could visit sometime."

"Yes," I said softly. "She meant it. She never meant to hurt you. You'll always be welcome to stay with us, if you want. And I know that the others will be very happy to see you again."

Freya's expression brightened at that. "Me too," she said excitedly. "I don't want to be fighting. I'm no good at it. And Skadi is afraid I'll get hurt." She grimaced. "She's probably right. I'm too small and too weak and too slow. You know, when Sophie tracked us down to tell us that Craig had you here, Skadi threw me over her back and carried me here so that I wouldn't slow her down." A little, wistful sigh. "Her legs are longer."

The pout on her face as she said this was so adorable that I laughed.

Freya looked up at me, bewildered. "What?"

"I think you're the most remarkable person I've ever met," I told her seriously.

"Oh." Slowly, a smile spread across her face. Her eyes sparkled. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you."

I smiled. "You're very welcome. Could I ask you a question about Skadi?" I asked then. "You don't have to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable." Freya seemed to like Skadi as much as she liked her and I didn't want her to feel conflicted.

"Sure." Freya nodded, though her dubious frown told me that she didn't feel sure at all. "Shoot."

"Skadi says she reads people," I began and Freya relaxed instantly. "What exactly does that mean? Does she read minds, like Edward does?" I didn't think so because then she wouldn't have been able to read me and she had definitely done something when she touched me earlier. "And is that why she wears those gloves?"

Outside, Skadi chuckled quietly.

_Good_, I thought. _She doesn't object to me asking then._

"No, she doesn't read minds," Freya explained. "But I guess it's similar. It's kind of cool, actually. When she touches something, like a stone for example, she sees where it has been, what's happened around it and so on. When she touches me she sees how I was born, how I grew up, how I was changed and anything that happened afterwards. She says it works best with inanimate objects and second-best with vampires. I think it's because we're, well, dead. Animate objects, sort of." Her tone indicated that she didn't much like the notion of being a walking and talking dead object. "With humans it must be really, really awful because she never touches them unless she wears her gloves. She says it's fortunate that this touch-see thing only works when she touches someone with her hands."

"It's very fortunate indeed," Skadi's voice drifted up from outside. I looked out the window. The sky had cleared up somewhat, but the light was still grey and dull. The wind had eased too, rustling quietly through the trees. Aside from that it was completely silent. "Because if I could do this touch-see thing as Freya called it with the rest of my body, I'd go insane. It's called psychometry, by the way. If you want, I can give you a more scientific explanation later. Though Freya pretty much summed it up."

"No, I'm good, thanks." So this was what she meant when she had said that she could read people. I didn't envy her. But at least she could turn her gift off. Sort of. Others, like Edward, didn't have that luxury.

"Is that all you wanted to know?" Freya asked, adding when I nodded, "Can I ask you something in return?"

"Of course."

"Why is it Edward's fault what Craig wanted to do to you?"

I stared at her for a second or two, unable to believe that she'd just really asked that. Was that the conclusion she had reached? That I was blaming Edward for something Craig wanted to do?

_Aren't you?_ a voice in my head asked.

"Don't pester her, _ketlingr_!" Skadi called from outside when I didn't reply. She must have guessed that I didn't know how to answer.

But Freya didn't seem inclined to let it go. "Because how can it be?" she asked, again sounding like she was stating the obvious. "It's not his fault that Craig's got a screw loose."

"No, it's not his fault. But he shouldn't have followed me here from the airport, which clearly he did, or he would never have been caught." My reply was harsher than I intended. But Freya didn't seem to care anymore what I thought about her or that I'd get angry at her. She had edged closer to Edward's side again. She was protecting him. From me.

He shouldn't need to be protected from me.

I stared at her, my mind going numb. _What have I done?_

"But he didn't follow you here," Freya said, puzzled now. "Sophie told Skadi that she and Andrew chased him for a couple of hundred miles before they finally caught him. Besides, you can't get away from Sophie. She always knows where you are. That's why Craig sent her after him in the first place." She looked at me in confusion.

The sound of my even breathing was the only thing I heard. Was that what he'd tried to tell me before I had shut him up? That he hadn't followed me? That he'd tried to escape and failed because this Sophie had been tracking him? Guilt made my stomach turn. Why hadn't I listened? I looked at Edward's still, unmoving form, feeling sick to my stomach. It was my fault that he was torturing himself. Because I wouldn't listen for even half a minute.

"Thank you, Freya," I whispered and whatever she saw in my face, made her dart out of the room. An instant later I heard her outside on the front porch, prattling away in the same language Skadi had used before; she must have been teaching her. I didn't have a clue what she was saying, but right now I couldn't have cared less.

Slowly, I walked to Edward's side, gently placing my hands on his shoulders. He didn't respond do my touch, didn't even acknowledge my presence. He remained still, like stone. Hard and cold and dead. "Edward," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry_. The same words he'd said to me before. But I hadn't listened and he wasn't listening now either. Did he even know I was here? Or was he too caught up in the darkness to notice what was going on around him? What I had seen in his mind before had scared me, had scared me more than anything else I had seen in his thoughts. Because there had been nothing. Just darkness and despair and pain.

And it was my fault.

I braced myself against the darkness as I spread my shield over him again and this time it was much, much worse. There was only darkness. Only the blackest self-loathing, so thick and dark that I was physically repulsed when the darkness spilled over into my own mind. The shield slipped out of my grasp and the shield snapped back and Edward's mind was gone. He wasn't even fighting it; that much I could tell. He was welcoming it. Accepting it.

Why did he do this to himself? I had spoken in anger and I regretted what I said. He wasn't responsible for the decision Craig had made. For what he had wanted to do. Edward couldn't have known—even Alice hadn't—and while I had every right to be angry, I had no right whatsoever to hold him responsible. If he hadn't been here, it still would have happened. Differently maybe, but I still would have gotten hurt.

And the most important thing was that it hadn't happened. Edward needed to see that his decisions had consequences, but not this way. Not by hurting himself.

I realised then that it was this darkness in his mind, a darkness that had been with him for so long that he didn't know what it was like without it, that made him who he was. He was using it to torture himself, holding on to it when he should have let go and left it behind. But he was also afraid of it. Maybe that was another reason he needed to be on control all the time. So that it couldn't hurt him.

Unless he felt he needed to be punished.

That was so messed up.

"Please stop," I whispered. I sank to my knees in front of him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his chest. Again no response, nothing that indicated he knew I was here. I slid my hands underneath his torn shirt, traced the ridge of his spine, the smooth edges of his shoulder blades. "Stop hurting yourself." I moulded my body into his, hoping that feeling me so close would anchor him in reality, outside the darkness of his mind, and bring him back.

_But it was you who sent him into the darkness_, that voice whispered.

I smothered that thought before it could take root in my mind. Beating myself up over this wouldn't bring him back to me. Later. There was time for that later.

But one thing was for certain. We couldn't continue this way. I should keep Edward away from the darkness, not push him into its clutches. I should have known how my words would affect him, especially spoken in anger. Edward's mental state was so very fragile. How could I have forgotten that?

Pulling myself up, I pressed my lips against his, kissing him gently at first, then more firmly. Urgently. My hands tangled in his hair, holding him close. A strangled groan rose in his throat, so agonised that it tore at my heart.

Nobody deserved this. Nobody should live with so much darkness in his soul. His lips parted slowly, hesitantly, and I tasted his breath on my tongue, sweet and delicious. His arms closed around me in a crushing embrace, holding me tight, like he wanted to pull me inside of him so that he would never have to let go of me again. He was kissing me softly at first, as if he was afraid I would break under his touch—or pull away—but something changed then. He stiffened, his lips moving fiercely against mine, and I opened my mouth, his tongue tangling with mine…

All of a sudden, Edward pulled back and growled, a low rumbling sound deep in his chest, his golden eyes dangerously dark.

"What's wrong?" I whispered as my relief was instantly replaced by concern. Had I done something wrong? Shouldn't I have kissed him?

"He kissed you," he said tonelessly, but there was suppressed anger in his voice that made me feel strangely elated. Anything was better than cold, lifeless detachment. "You still taste like him." Cupping my face with his right hand, he leaned in to kiss me again. His thumb gently traced the edge of my jaw as his lips moved against mine, differently than before. Savage. Possessive. He'd never kissed me like that before, not even last night. He broke away too soon and I felt a twinge of regret in my stomach, even though this was hardly the time nor the place to indulge in this kind of thing. But seeing him so detached, so cold and distant, had scared me. I never wanted him to retreat into this dark place of his mind ever again.

Edward sighed, though it wasn't so much a sigh as a groan. Eyes closed, he pressed his forehead against mine and I breathed in his scent, drawing it deep into my lungs. To never smell that again, to never have him this close again. The thought drove a spike of fear through my heart. I would do everything to protect him, even if it meant protecting him against the darkness of his own mind.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered, his voice raw with pain. "There are no words to describe how much I regret my actions. How sorry I am for what…" A ragged breath and the hand that lay on the small of my back slid up until his fingers found my hair, caressing the sensitive skin on my neck. He must be remembering what he had seen in Craig's mind. "How sorry I am for what was almost done to you," he finished. The agony in his eyes, when he finally looked at me, matched the pain in his voice. He was still punishing himself. "I don't…" he began, but I shook my head and he fell silent again, his eyes fluttering shut as I gently ran my knuckles across his cheek. I didn't want him to suffer anymore.

"I'm fine," I told him softly, but his eyes opened again, his gaze accusing. He didn't believe me. "Okay," I amended and rolled my eyes, hoping it would lighten the mood. Edward merely frowned. "Maybe I'm not exactly fine. But I'll deal with it later and I need you to lock it away too. Nothing happened, Edward. Nothing at all. And I am the one who should be apologising." I sighed quietly, wishing I hadn't cut him off when he'd tried to explain. I should have known he'd take it to heart. "Freya told me what happened. I know it's not your fault that you were caught."

He stiffened. I leaned back, searching his face and saw anguish. _There's more_, I realised with a sinking feeling. _Something Freya didn't know. _But whatever it was, I would not shout at him again. I would not drive him back into the darkness.

"I didn't follow you," he said, in the tone of someone about to confess the most heinous of crimes. "But what I did was even worse." The rest came out in a rush, the words spilling from his lips so fast I had to concentrate to catch all of them. "When I realised they were waiting for me at the airport, I called Alice. Something had obviously changed and I needed to know what she had seen. But she wouldn't tell me. Carlisle eventually told me that under no circumstances could I allow them to catch me because if I was, the consequences would be… bad. Bad for me, but especially bad for you. Carlisle never got to tell me what Alice had seen because I lost reception, but I was certain that she had seen you get killed." A strangled sob rose in his throat, but he choked it back down. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair in comfort, dislodging crumpled leaves and pine needles. "I didn't know what to do," he continued in a whisper. "If leading them to the rendezvous point was the solution, Alice would have said so. I was so scared. We all rely on Alice far too heavily and I desperately needed her guidance, but my phone was dead and I couldn't reach her. In the end I decided to kill the female, thinking that once she was dead I'd be able to meet up with the others. Losing the male in the storm would have been easy.

"But I failed. I had a backup plan. Run back to Helena, find a crowd and sit it out. They wouldn't have been able to grab me with so many witnesses about. They chased me through the woods. The male was falling behind; he couldn't keep up in the rain. But the female was fast, nearly as fast as I was, and I decided to give it another shot. I wanted to be here with you when you faced Victoria. I couldn't imagine being away from you. So I attacked again, despite the fact that by then I knew what would happen to you, what Alice must have seen. I had read the male's thoughts.

"He was so far behind that I honestly didn't think he'd catch up with me before the female was destroyed and burning. But I lost valuable moments because I questioned her, thinking that she might know something useful. But mostly I was curious. I wanted to understand why someone like her was working for someone like Victoria.

"The male was faster than I anticipated and I was too distracted to notice how close he'd come. I still should have been able to escape and I would have, but I was out of luck. I slipped and they caught me and brought me here. So you see, Bella, if I had just kept running, they would never have gotten me. I made a bad decision, the only kind I seem to be capable of making, and I almost got you hurt. Again. That's all I ever do. Hurt you."

Silence fell.

Edward had grown very still. Only his thumb continued to circle the back of my neck.

I took a moment to consider what I was feeling. Now wasn't the time to act impulsively. Was I angry with him? A little. He'd made a mistake, one that could have cost me dearly. But could I fault him for wanting to be here with me when I confronted Victoria? If something happened to me while he was away, he'd forever believe that he could have prevented it if only he'd been at my side. He'd never forgive himself. Staying away from me would have been reasonable, logical. But Edward wasn't capable of reason or logic where I was concerned. At least not yet.

He was too much afraid of the darkness that would come crashing back if I was gone.

I didn't know how I felt about him depending on me so much or about me being his lifeline. Again our relationship was off balance. But maybe, with time, that would change. Later, when things had gone back to normal—because these were hardly normal, everyday circumstances. When I wasn't in constant danger anymore, Edward would finally realise that there was no reason to be frightened.

_That's a lot of maybes_, I told myself. But we were in this together and I would stand by my word. We had forever to make this relationship work and I _wanted_ to make it work. Because I knew that I would never be able to walk away from him again. I loved him too much for that, with all his faults. He wanted to change for me and he was trying as hard as he could. What more could I possibly ask of him?

"Edward," I said eventually, "it's okay."

The piercing look he shot me was pure disbelief, but I thought I saw a glimmer of… something spark in his eyes. Hope perhaps. I was curious what he was thinking, but I didn't look. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle his bleak thoughts.

"I'm not saying you didn't make a mistake because you did." I gave him a small smile. "But I understand why you did it and I think that if our places were reversed, I would have done the same. And nothing happened. He didn't hurt me." I grasped the hand that still held my face. "Look, Edward. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I love you. I want to help you. Please believe that. And please, for the love of God, stop thinking that I'm going to leave you." I allowed a tinge of annoyance to filter into my voice. I didn't know if that was what he was really thinking right now. But I had caught him entertaining these kinds of thoughts often enough in the past. He seemed convinced that as soon as he did something wrong, I would walk out on him. It made me want to smack him over the head. At times like this it was beyond irritating that he couldn't read my mind. Perhaps it would have been easier for him to believe me if he could see the depths of my feelings for him for himself.

He sighed and something about his posture changed. He relaxed almost imperceptibly, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "That wasn't what I was thinking right now," he said quietly. "But you're right—sometimes I this is exactly what I'm thinking. I can't help it. I don't understand how you could possibly want me when all I ever do is hurt you."

"Because I love you. Isn't that enough?"

His lips curved slightly and I knew that our conversation wasn't headed as in dark a direction as I had been fearing. "I know that you love me," he said, surprise and disbelief in his voice but also bone-deep relief. His touched his lips against mine in the briefest of kisses. "Without a doubt. But there's still a part of me that is waiting for you to realise that you made the wrong choice. I know it's irrational, but I can't help it."

I stared at him. Despite the huge qualifier, this was the most positive thing I had ever heard out of Edward. He was trying so very hard to change. For me. I knew that he'd told me that he didn't know if he could—but he'd already achieved so much, whether he realised it or not. Little things mostly, but changes nonetheless. Perhaps all he needed was someone who believed in him, someone who wouldn't judge him when there were set-backs. Someone like me, who loved him unconditionally. I was aware that _I_ couldn't change him. He had to do that by himself. But I could be there for him every step of the way.

What mattered was that he was trying. That he wasn't giving up.

"Look, Edward." Placing my hands against his chest, I met his gaze. I huffed as I saw the wariness in his eyes and his face turned instantly contrite as he realised that he'd been doing it again. Doubting me. "Next time I catch you doing that, I'll hit you over the head," I warned him.

Edward chuckled quietly. "Emmett's rubbing off on you."

"No," I told him, grinning, "I've just been spending way too much time with a bunch of werewolves with the maturity level of four-year-olds."

"Or that," Edward agreed, a smile tugging at his lips. "You were saying?"

Smiling, I shook my head. "Sometimes I don't know what to make of you. Really. It's a pity you don't come with a detailed instruction manual. That would come in pretty handy."

Edward laughed. The sound was so carefree, so _real_. This was who he could be if he didn't insist on carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders all the time. "Bella, you are the only person on this planet who has as much insight into my mind as I do. You can read my thoughts any time you want."

"True," I allowed. "But your mind is not a happy place, Edward. There's always so much doubt and fear and self-loathing. I know you can't help it," I added hurriedly when I saw the pain flash in his eyes and was torn between the desire to comfort him and the urge to kick him in the shin to make him snap out of it. Why did he have to take everything I said as criticism?

_Because he can't help himself_, I reminded myself. _Baby steps._

"It's just the way it is right now, Edward," I said lightly.

Confusion creased his forehead. Apparently, he'd expected a different response.

"It won't be like this forever. But for now I'd like to stay out of your head and don't tell me that you don't value your privacy."

"I do," he admitted reluctantly. Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. He sometimes did that when he needed to think. A human habit he must have acquired over the years. Then he sighed, but the ghost of a smile softened his expression. "Even I don't want to be inside my head right now. I can hardly ask you to face my demons." He leaned in to kiss my forehead, his touch feather-light and soft. "But then, you already have."

"What are you talking about?"

"It was your mind that drove the darkness away." His voice was quiet and it held a touch of reverence and awe. "Your thoughts. I don't know how you did it but you somehow must have lifted your shield completely off your mind because I could read your thoughts."

I frowned, puzzled. "I didn't." Searching for the double layers that were my shield, I found them exactly where I expected them to be—firmly in place around my mind. I could push the secondary layer away with relative ease now, but the primary layer wouldn't budge. When I touched it, it didn't even so much as ripple. I didn't mind; it was there to protect me and I couldn't see what advantage controlling it would give me.

So there was no way I had lifted it away. I would have noticed. Besides, even if I could have moved it, I was pretty sure I'd have to push the secondary layer away first because it was in the way. Since my shield had a habit of snapping around Edward automatically as soon as I pushed it away from my mind—if he stood close to me, that was; my range was still sadly limited—I would have heard his thoughts and, within them, my own. But I hadn't.

"You did," he insisted. "You can look if you want. Maybe you were too distracted to notice," he suggested, seeing the dubious look on my face. "It doesn't matter now. What matters is that you fought the darkness for me. Thank you, Bella." This time he kissed me on the lips, slowly and gently. As far as kisses went, it was a very chaste kiss, but just as he pulled away I heard the front door open and close. Skadi had obviously finished her calls. Freya was with her, humming tunelessly. She sounded happy.

"You know what?" I grasped Edward's hands and held them against my silent heart. "When this is over, I'm going to ask Esme to lend us her island for a couple of months. Until Christmas maybe. Just you and me and the sun and the ocean. We need some alone time, away from everything. I think it'll be good for us." It would give us time to talk, time to work on our relationship.

Edward's lips curved into that crooked smile I loved so much. "I'd love that," he said and he sounded hopeful.


	46. Stories, Part 1

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. I'm sorry I didn't send out review replies/ teasers this time, but I want you to know how much I loved every single one of your reviews and how happy it makes me to see how much you enjoy this story. You're amazing, all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

**Thanks to those who wished me good luck on my exams—they are going okay (though one sucked massively…). Only two to go now and then the orals from October to November. Hopefully, I'll get a couple more chapters finished in between.**

**I owe a lot of you PM replies and I will get to them sometime next week! I haven't forgotten you.**

**Thank you, KayMarieXW, for being an amazing beta and friend!**

**Enjoy!**

**Recap: Bella and Edward are still with Skadi, Victoria's second-in-command, who's agreed to help them. But does she have her own agenda? Why's she helping Victoria in the first place? Here are some answers.**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

* * *

46. STORIES PART 1

EDWARD

_Some of us think holding on makes us stronger; but sometimes it is letting go._

_Hermann Hesse_

* * *

I didn't deserve her.

Bella had every right to be angry with me, furious even, and if she had wanted to walk away, I would have let her go. But instead she tried to comfort me. She always did, always tried to chase the shadows in my mind away. I never saw the pity in her eyes that I had feared, only acceptance. Intellectually, I knew that I could control the darkness that was part of me, but it was hard not to give in, not to let it take over. It was easier than fighting. Painful, but easier. Yet I was also afraid of it, on a level so deep, so primal, that the mere thought of it paralysed me. And it was linked to my fear of losing Bella, the one thing I could never ever lose because losing her would mean losing myself. Because she was a part of me.

And I was a part of her. I saw that now. The dark voice continued to whisper to me, telling me that she would leave me eventually, that I was damaged, that I wasn't good enough for her and never would be. But she wanted me—I just had to look at what I had seen in her mind to know that. Even so, her thoughts could only silence the darkness momentarily. It was still there. I had been mistaken to assume that it would disappear; for that it was too much of a part of me. Was me, in a way. But with Bella's help I could fight it. I would never ask her to fight my demons for me, but just knowing that she would if I did, filled me with hope and love so strong that it felt like my heart would burst. I had to remember that feeling, had to hang on to it so that I could use it to drive the darkness out of my mind.

And perhaps once I had learned to handle it, once it was under control, I would be able to stop trying to control every other aspect of my life.

I still didn't deserve Bella, but she wanted me. Puzzling as that was to me, and I would never leave her side for as long as she wanted me there. What I had said on the plane was still true—I didn't know if I even _could_ change. But I would try and she would be with me and maybe with her help, with her light, I would succeed.

"I love you so much," I whispered, kissing her one last time. The vampire called Skadi was already outside in the hallway, Freya tagging along. "I can't put into words how much you mean to me, Bella."

"I love you too," she replied, her full lips curved into a soft smile. Releasing my hands, she wound her arm around my waist and turned so that we faced the doorway. "Just never forget that," she added, her voice so low that it was barely audible, her lips brushing across the edge of my jaw.

The two vampires entered the room, Freya frowning a little, but her face cleared as soon as she saw that I was standing. "Edward!" she cried and launched herself at me, arcing through the air gracefully. Letting go of Bella, I caught her by the waist and swung her around. She squealed in delight, her thoughts tinged with crushing relief. She had been very worried. "Are you feeling better?"

"I am. Really, I am." I gave her a reassuring smile and the last of her concern faded. "How are you? We were so worried about you." I put her down and she slipped her tiny hand into mine, smiling up at me. Her thoughts were almost… reverent. _Oh dear_, I thought, hiding another smile when the direction of her thoughts suddenly changed to something trivial; she had remembered that I could read her mind. I squeezed her hand and focused my attention on the vampire still standing in the doorway so that Freya wouldn't be too embarrassed. Apparently, she had developed a little crush on me. _Oh well_, I thought, _I saved her life, so I guess it's natural. I'm just glad that she doesn't seem to think that Rose spoke for all of us. Did Bella already talk to her about it?_

The blond vampire, Skadi, cleared her throat politely. She didn't know how much time we had left, so she wanted to get down to business.

I studied her for a moment. She was studying me too, comparing what she was seeing now with what Victoria had told her about me. _He doesn't look like a cold-blooded killer. But then, I knew that from the moment I read the child. They could have killed her, but they didn't. He didn't. And Freya is obviously quite fond of him. _Her thoughts turned wistful. _My life was much easier when I still thought that I was doing something good._

_Read Freya?_ I wondered. _What does that mean?_ My gaze dropped to her hands and the red gloves she wore. I doubted they were just a fashion statement, but her mind held no clues as to what she meant by 'reading'. Sometimes, I found the fact that I could only see thoughts that were passing through someone's mind at any given moment mildly irritating.

_But do you really want to know every single thought someone's mind ever held?_ I suppressed a shudder. No. No, I decidedly did not.

"You must be Edward," she said eventually. She had a pleasant voice, smooth and calm. She had a slight accent, only noticeable if you listened very closely. I couldn't place it.

"And you're Victoria's second-in-command," I replied, equally calm.

A smile curved her lips and it was so infectious that I found myself returning it despite the fact that I still hadn't decided what to make of her, so infectious was her smile. "Yes," she said, slightly inclining her head. "Yes, I am. When Sophie came to get me, she mentioned that you questioned her. You must have left quite an impression since she doesn't seem to hold a grudge against you for almost killing her. Twice."

"What?" Freya exclaimed. She gaped at me, eyes wide in shock. They held a faint orange tinge. _Interesting_, I noted absently. _She's been feeding off animal blood. We must have left an impression_. "You tried to kill Sophie?" She blinked at me rapidly. Her mind was spinning.

_But Sophie is so nice… She always plays with me… She and Jackson look after me when Skadi isn't around…_

"Why?" she demanded eventually, pulling her hand out of my grasp and folding her arms in front of her chest as she tried to stare me down. She reminded me of a kitten, all hiss but no bite. Somehow I managed to keep my face smooth. She would be upset if she thought I was making fun of her or not taking her seriously. "Why would you do something like that? Sophie is one of the nicest people I know. They all have been very nice to me, even the guys. Well, except for Craig, but he's an ass."

"Freya, language!" Skadi said, but it was a mild rebuke; she shared Freya's opinion. "You've been spending far too much time with Jackson and the females."

Freya's face clouded. She considered the vampires Skadi had mentioned her friends and didn't like hearing them being criticised. "I like them," she stated defiantly. "So…" She glared at me. "Why would you want to kill Sophie?"

"I didn't want to," I explained. "I had to. I knew that if I was caught, Bella would get hurt." I didn't mention that all I would have had to do was keep running. Bella seemed to have forgiven me, but I knew I wouldn't forgive myself anytime soon.

But Freya figured out all by herself that I had had another option, one that didn't involve killing her friend. "You could have kept running," she said accusingly. Her red eyes bored into mine.

"Freya, that's quite enough," Skadi said sharply. Freya turned to glare at her, but she didn't look quite as menacing as she believed. Skadi was trying very hard not to laugh. "I would have done the same in his place," she said. "He doesn't know Sophie the way we do and he just wanted to protect his mate."

Freya huffed, but didn't say anything. She stalked into a corner and slumped onto the floor, arms and legs crossed. She was sulking, though it was more for show than anything else. She knew Skadi was right; she just didn't want to admit that she was wrong.

"As I was saying," Skadi continued, "yes, I am Victoria's second-in-command. Though I'm beginning to regret that I ever offered to help her."

"Then why did you?" Bella asked quietly.

Skadi sighed, a sad smile on her lips. "Because I felt sorry for her. But maybe I should just show you. Hopefully, that'll answer most of your questions. You can read minds, correct?" She gave me a curious look.

I nodded. _I really wish Victoria hadn't asked Laurent for information. This would be so much easier if she didn't know about Alice's visions. Or my mind reading. Or anything._

She turned to Bella. "And you can see what he sees if you shield him, am I right?"

"How do you know about her shield?" I asked sharply. Laurent hadn't known about that because up until a few weeks ago we hadn't either. She couldn't have heard it from Freya for the same reason. So how did Skadi know? Had Bella told her? Held captive by the darkness in my mind, I hadn't caught everything that had been said. But I didn't think it had come up.

"Ah." Skadi smiled. She wasn't offended. "I take it your ability to read minds is not like Aro's then? You can only hear and see what I'm thinking right now? Hmm…" Concentration creased her forehead.

I stared at her. Before, the flow of thoughts through her mind had been normal—she hadn't tried to hide anything or keep certain thoughts from reaching her awareness where I could read them. I realised that she had assumed my ability was like Aro's, who, as Carlisle had told me, could see every thought a mind had ever held with a single touch. Now her mind was suddenly blank, except for a very narrow trickle of thoughts.

I made a face. Most people tended to think in their native language, which had led me to believe that despite her slight accent, Skadi's was English since she'd been thinking in English.

Well, it wasn't. And since she also wasn't thinking in images anymore but exclusively in words I had no idea what was going on inside her head right now.

Seeing the indignant look on my face, she laughed and switched back to English. "Sorry," she said. "I was just wondering. You don't know what I was thinking just now, do you?"

"No." It came out rather sulky and Bella elbowed me in the ribs. "Yes," I said again, more normally. "What language was that anyway?"

"A variety of Old Norse. It's the language I grew up with."

I blinked. "How old are you, exactly?" I blurted. Only when it was out did I realise how rude it must have sounded.

Bella jabbed me in the ribs again.

Skadi just laughed.

"I apologise," I said hastily. "That was rude. But Old Norse vanished a very long time ago."

"I don't mind telling you my age." Skadi gave me a kind smile. "I was born in a little village near the western coast of Iceland around AD 1000. So I'm about one thousand years old, give or take a few years. Back then we didn't keep record. I know I was twenty-five turns old when I was changed, but I couldn't tell you which year it was to save my life." She shrugged. "I don't pay much attention to how much time passes. It means very little to me."

"Wow." Bella's voice was quiet, awed. She took my hand, holding it firmly, our fingers intertwined. A thousand years. That was how long we would have together. That and more. Forever.

"She's ancient," Freya piped up, deciding she had sulked enough.

"Freya, for you anyone fifty years older than you is ancient," Skadi replied, laughter in her voice. Her eyes were twinkling. It was amazing how different she looked when she was smiling. "But you wanted to ask me how I know about Bella's shield," she said to me then. "I saw it when I read her. It's my gift. If I touch something, I see where it's been and what's been happening in a small radius around it. It works best with inanimate objects and vampires and not very well at all with humans. I think they're simply too alive. So when I touch someone, I basically get their entire personal history. It's a lot of information, as you certainly can imagine. That's why I wear these." She held out her hands. "Fortunately, the more often I touch something the weaker the imprints I get off it become, at least the ones I've already seen. That makes it a little easier. My gift may not give me insight into people's minds, but nobody can hide their actions from me." She sighed. "Which is probably the reason Victoria won't let me read her anymore. But I should start at the beginning. If it's alright with you, I'll simply show you my memories. I think that'll be easier and faster than telling you." She glanced out the window, even though there was nothing to see but trees and a patch of grey sky. It would start raining again soon. The storm Alice had seen would return in time for the final battle. "I don't know how long we have till the others will get back," Skadi continued. "They don't usually hunt anywhere near Helena, but Craig's patience is sadly limited. Also, he doesn't trust me."

"We're ready," Bella said without hesitation, even though she'd told me only moments earlier that she wouldn't enter my mind again unless I had the darkness under control. But this was important. "Show us."

I never felt it when she touched me with her shield, but when she squeezed my hand a little tighter, I knew she had made the connection. It wasn't difficult to block out Freya's mind until it was barely background noise; it was blank with expectation. She was hoping Skadi would tell us at least a little bit instead of showing us everything in her thoughts. Bella had told me that this way reading minds was easiest for her. She could tune out other people's thoughts fairly easily by now—it was concentrating on them that always made her lose control over her shield. It rarely happened with me though and I had reached the conclusion that it was because of the mating bond: because of how deeply connected we were.

It was a nice thought.

"If you don't mind, I'll start with my own story," Skadi said quietly. "It will help you understand why I offered Victoria my help. I promise I'll make it quick."

The first memory was blurry, seen through weak human eyes. It was night. The moon was up, but the thin crescent was obscured by dark clouds. Here and there I saw a tiny dot of light against the black of the sky, but the clouds were too thick to see very many. Fires had been lit along the edges of the village square and they cast everything into soft orange light. People were singing and dancing, though again I couldn't make out the words of what was said. The language was unfamiliar to me. But it looked like they were celebrating.

"It was the day of my twenty-fifth turn," Skadi said sadly. The pain in her voice was old, its jagged edges smoothed by time, but it was pain nonetheless. "It was also the day of my daughter's seventh turn. She was so beautiful and brave. Always climbing the highest trees along with the boys. My father had named me after the goddess of the hunt. I named my child after her daughter, the goddess of love and spring. Freyja."

"Oh," Freya said very softly.

In the memory, a girl now dashed onto the village square, followed by a horde of boys chasing after her brandishing wooden swords. Her face was red with exertion and her tiny hands were balled into fists. Her blond, still half-braided hair flew after her like a banner. Then one of the boys caught up with her, grabbing a fistful of her shirt to yank her back. The girl whipped around before he had the chance and punched him squarely on the nose. He howled in pain. The other boys started laughing. The girl looked up as a woman—Skadi—spoke to her, a mild rebuke by the sound of it. She rolled her eyes and rushed off again to join three girls that were sitting huddled in front of one of the fires, talking animatedly.

That I knew what was going to happen didn't make it any less awful when it finally did. I flinched as a high-pitched scream pierced the night and beside me, Bella flinched too, tightening her grip on my hand.

The singing died instantly. People moved closer together, towards the flames. Children ran back to their parents. Freyja held on tight to her mother's skirt, all bravery gone. Her blue eyes were wide with fear as she looked up at Skadi. Another scream and a woman standing in front of one of the fires disappeared. One instant she was there, the next she was gone, as if she had vanished into thin air. Her scream turned into a gurgling choke before it broke off; her windpipe must have been crushed. Then a little boy disappeared out of his father's arms, too surprised to cry out. On the other side of the square an old woman leaning on a carved walking stick vanished without a sound. The stick clattered on the ground.

People started screaming in confusion and fear. Skadi snatched her daughter up into her arms, ignoring her cry of protest and pain, and turned around. A man, her husband, yelled something at her and she nodded, running off into the darkness as fast as she could, tripping over her skirt which she couldn't hitch up because she was clutching her daughter with both hands. Others followed her. She could hear them behind her, crying and screaming and panting.

The vampire finally showed himself.

He materialised right in front of Skadi. She stumbled back, surprised, and fear muddled her thoughts as she saw his scarlet eyes, blurring the memory even more. He pounced and then he and her daughter were gone. She screamed in frustration and furiously gathered up her skirt so that she could run after him, but she was grabbed from behind. She fought the other woman like a rabid cat, scratching and screaming and swearing, everything around her a blur of colours.

"I don't think you need to see the rest," Skadi said tonelessly and the memory disappeared. Beside me, Bella drew a shaky breath. Her eyes were dark with horror. "He picked us off one by one. I don't think he meant to change me. When he finally got to me, he had already killed so many times that he didn't take enough blood to kill me right away. I woke three days later, half-buried underneath the bodies of people I had known all my life. Although everything was different when I woke, it took me a while to realise what I had become. I was furious and sad and desperate, but I was also very strong. I discovered that when I buried my family.

"I followed the vampire that had slaughtered them. It was easy; I just had to follow the carnage he left in his wake and he didn't bother to hide his trail. I came through four villages larger than mine. He had destroyed them too. Of over a hundred people only three survived. I still feel shame for taking their lives, but I couldn't resist the call of their blood.

"The vampire was surprised when he saw me, but not threatened. He asked me to join him, laughing at me when I told him that I couldn't forget the broken bodies of my daughter and my husband and everyone else I had ever known. So I killed him. It was easy; I was many times stronger than he was. Later I learned that it was because of the human blood still in my tissues. Then, I thought that the Gods had given me power so that I could avenge the death of my loved ones."

"I am so sorry," Bella whispered. She stepped out of my embrace and, after a brief moment of hesitation, pulled Skadi into her arms. Surprised, the other vampire froze, then she slowly wrapped her arms around Bella too. It had been a long time since someone other than Freya had held her like that and offered her comfort.

"Thank you." Skadi gave her a grateful smile. "I don't remember very often. It's still painful, even after all this time. Once he was dead I felt better," she continued when Bella had returned to my side and Freya had taken her place. Now she knew why Skadi had been so nice to her from the beginning—she saw her lost daughter in her. "But not for long. The thing about revenge is that it can't make undone what's been done. It can't change the past. It took me a very long time to realise that and to accept what happened. Having said that, I know how deeply the desire for revenge burns, how hard the need to do something, _anything_, pushes and claws at you so that you won't feel helpless and defeated any longer. And that is the reason why I offered Victoria my help when we met again nine years ago."

"You felt sorry for her," Bella said quietly.

"Yes." Skadi nodded. "I knew what she was going through. I didn't want anyone to suffer like I had suffered, so I asked her to tell me what happened. But I had rather show you again, starting with how we met for the first time in 1953."

The second memory was bright and distinct; it was a vampire's memory. Skadi was lying along on the ledge of a building, blinking through the wall of rain as she studied the people in the street below. In spite of the weather, it was packed. People were shouting at the top of their lungs as they marched, banners held high. A rally, by the looks of it. Skadi stood very still. The promise of violence was thick in the air and while the predator in her revelled in it, the more civilised part of her held it in check. A rumbling sounded not that far away, which at first Skadi mistook for thunder. But all of a sudden a violent tremor shook the building she was perched on; she could feel it vibrating through her bones. She looked up and to the right where she thought the noise had originated, down the crowded boulevard—and froze the disbelief. A tank. The shouts grew frenzied as panic swept through the mass of humans. They had seen it too. A window was pushed open, just a few inches below where Skadi was. _Mutti!_ a child's voice yelled in German. _Komm mal her! Schnell! Schau dir das an!_ – _Mum! Come over here! Quickly! Look!_

Skadi decided that her current position wasn't safe; if the child looked up, it might discover her. So she slithered further up, so fast she knew she'd be invisible, and, once on the roof, hid behind a row of chimneys. She had no desire to join the people on the street. Dinner would have to wait. _Though someone who's prepared to gun down defenceless civilians, children_—and she had spotted at least two dozen children in the crowd—_does not deserve to live_, she thought with a surge of bloodthirstiness. _Even if he's only following orders. _She eyed the tank thoughtfully, a plan of attack forming in her mind.

Suddenly something drew Skadi's attention away from the tank. At first she didn't know what it was, knew only that it had set off her internal alarm system. Scanning the crowd, she searched for the threat. She found it quickly. Two of them, small islands of perfect stillness in the throng of people now desperately pushing in the opposite direction, away from the approaching tank. Even as they were jostled about, they stood their ground. A male and a female. The first thing she noticed about the female was her hair, a thick mass of fiery red hair that spilled in wet strands down her back. The only blotch of colour among the black and grey and brown and white. Like Skadi they were searching.

Back in the present, she told us, "I hadn't encountered another vampire in almost half a century when I saw them. I never went looking for company. I preferred to be alone. Also, most vampires I've met over the years don't agree with the way I pick my prey. I only feed on those who've done evil." She raised her right hand. "One touch and I know everything they've ever done. Anyway, I was still considering whether or not to talk to them when they saw me. Or rather James did."

Beside me, Bella snarled so viciously that Freya shot her a startled look. I didn't even try to suppress the growl rising in my throat. Neither of us had expected to ever see James again. In the memory, he stared at Skadi, the look on his face calculating. Knowing what I did about him, it was obvious that he was considering Skadi as his next victim. Leaning down, he whispered something into Victoria's ear that Skadi didn't catch; James kept his voice pitched low and the shouting people and the thundering noise of the approaching tank drowned out every other sound.

"I knew that leaving wasn't an option anymore," Skadi said. "James reminded me of the vampire that had slaughtered my village and I was certain that if I ran, he'd see it as a challenge. Not that he would have survived the hunt," she added in a tone so chilling that I had to suppress a shudder. "He was never a match for me. But I just wanted to be left alone and so I let them come, hoping they'd move on sooner rather than later. Victoria seemed to like me immediately, but James was wary. He wasn't the kind of person to trust anyone but himself. I don't think even Victoria had his trust. I didn't tell them about my gift; James never would have let me touch him otherwise and I was curious. I wanted to know if he was truly the monster I suspected he was." A brief pause. "He was."

The images that now appeared in her mind were different from the previous memories. They had a greyish tinge, as if they had been bleached, and they looked strangely flat, one-dimensional. They flashed by so fast it was difficult to focus on anything in particular and so I didn't even try. What I saw disgusted me. I had always known James was a monster, was evil, but the things he had done… My stomach roiled and Bella's grip on my hand tightened. Her breathing was flat and controlled, angry. She was as repulsed as I was.

Of all the images one in particular stuck with me—that of a tiny girl so pale and thin she looked more dead than alive. She lay curled up on a narrow cot, her face half hidden by strands of short black hair. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't asleep; her hands were clenched tight in front of her chest and her shoulders were rigid. Although every sound was muffled, like I was underwater, I could hear her heart pound violently in her chest and I knew that James could hear it too. She knew he was there, had probably known for hours that he would be there to watch her sleep that night.

_I did the world a favour by killing him_, I thought savagely.

"I didn't like him and the feeling was mutual," Skadi continued. "Victoria seemed nice enough and I had no idea what she saw in him, at least not until I read her. I think she fell in love with him because he made her feel safe, because he could protect her. So when she told me he was dead, I didn't feel very sorry for him. He had it coming. But I felt sad for _her_ because she lost everyone she's ever loved. And I know how that feels. Look."

What Skadi showed us next was as one-dimensional and greyish as the previous images. But rather than showering us with everything she had seen when touching James, she seemed to have picked this scene more carefully. A strong sense of déjà vu washed over me, but it took me a moment to figure out why that was. I had seen this before, only briefly and from a different point of view—Eleazar's. But seeing it this way, seeing Aro and the vampires flanking him through Victoria's eyes was different, and irrational fear slithered down my spine. Never ever did I want to get on Aro's bad side. On his right but a little distance away, stood Eleazar, watching on with an expression of mild interest. Seeing him there was slightly disconcerting.

The sudden movement caught me by surprise. The Guard converged as one on the female vampire on Victoria's left. She was tall, taller than Victoria, but with the same wavy red hair blowing around her face. Realising what was happening, she started moving back, then she half turned, her eyes meeting Victoria's. It made her stop dead in her tracks, hands clenched. The resemblance was striking. Sisters maybe? "Run," she whispered, but Victoria stayed rooted to the spot. Despair twisted the other vampire's features and she gave Victoria a shove that sent her flying, roaring, "RUN!" at the top of her lungs. Catching herself before she fell, Victoria whipped around, away from the female and the smouldering remains of a vampire that had already been destroyed, and started running. Only once did she glance over her shoulder and when she did, her sister was gone. Thick purple smoke curled into the grey sky.

"Was that her sister?" Bella asked quietly. There was something in her voice I had never expected to find there, not in regard to Victoria. Sympathy. Victoria had hurt her so badly and yet she felt sorry for her, for what she had gone through. But then, she had lost someone too, an entire family, and while we had returned to her, the pain was as much a part of her as my darkness was of me. She would never forget. She couldn't.

Skadi nodded. "Yes. The Volturi accused them of breaking the law, though they weren't very clear on what crime exactly they allegedly had committed. When her sister told her to run, she ran. They didn't follow her, probably figuring that she wasn't a threat and never would be."

For the briefest of moments something flashed up in her mind, suspicion that was bordering on knowledge, and there was an undercurrent of fear in her thoughts. Fear for… Freya. But she pushed it back down almost instantly. _Later_, she thought. _You need to hear the whole story_.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? I know, I know, there's no action yet. There will be some soon. I promise! Please review! And since I can't promise that I'll get around to replying/sending you teasers this time either, here's the first paragraph of the next chapter:**

In the next memory, Skadi was standing on a roof once more, only this time it was night. Her eyes swept across the skyline that was ablaze with millions of light. For a moment her gaze lingered on a familiar tower that rose high into the overcast night sky. The Space Needle. Seattle.


	47. Stories, Part 2

**A/N: Again I have to apologise for keeping you waiting this long. Things have been crazy and I've barely had time to write more than a few pages. I completely forgot that I had this chapter sitting on my hard drive waiting to be posted. Exams will do that to you. At least, it's going great and I'm doing much better than I expected, which is a nice change after the rather disastrous written part of my exams. Just one more month and it'll be all over. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that!**

**And I'm rambling…**

**I'm sorry I haven't answered to any of the lovely reviews I've received and PMs are piling up in my in-box. But please know that all your comments are greatly appreciated. It means a lot to me that you're as much in love with this story as I am! I will get around to answering your PMs eventually—I promise! I can't exactly say when the next chapter will be up, so I'm hoping to get it finished before Christmas.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.**

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47. STORIES PART 2

EDWARD

In the next memory, Skadi was standing on a roof once more, only this time it was night. Her eyes swept across the skyline that was ablaze with millions of lights. For a moment her gaze lingered on a familiar tower that rose high into the overcast night sky. The Space Needle. Seattle.

"It was pure coincidence that we met." Regret coloured her voice as well as her thoughts. She was wishing she had never encountered Victoria again. If she hadn't, her life wouldn't be as complicated as it was right now. But she also wouldn't have met Freya. With that thought came guilt because having Freya in her life meant that the girl was now lost to someone else, someone who had loved her just as much as Skadi had come to love her. "Victoria had been in Seattle for a few days when she came across my scent and tracked me down," Skadi continued more briskly, cutting her train of thought off before it could lead her further into the darkness.

I wished I had that much control.

"I only see what has happened around the people and things up until the moment I touch them—I can't see the decisions that led them to where they were, to what they did. But I think she simply needed comfort. I was there and she knew I wouldn't harm her. So she came to me."

I focused on the memory again. Sensing movement behind her, Skadi turned, but her instincts told her that she wasn't in danger. The vampire hadn't tied to sneak up on her; in fact, she hadn't tried to be stealthy at all. Besides, the scent she caught on the cool breeze was familiar. _Hello_, Skadi said. She didn't bother to hide her surprise. She hadn't expected to ever see her again, mainly because of James. He disliked her as much as she disliked him. Her surprise was instantly replaced by concern.

This Victoria was nothing at all like the one I remembered. Her shoulders were rigid as she stood there, her eyes flickering this way and that way, searching for threats. Her face was blank, completely expressionless, but the fear flashing in her eyes ran deep. She was scared. Scared and lost. Her movements were jerky and unsure as she approached, lacking a vampire's usual grace.

Skadi had been moving towards her. Now she froze, arms by her side, her entire posture relaxed and non-threatening—she could look harmless if she wanted to. She could sense that Victoria was likely to bolt if she so much as blinked wrong, and something horrible must have happened to her. Skadi was determined to find out what because she couldn't stand seeing others suffer. _What happened_, she asked gently.

_They killed James. _A harsh, bitter whisper. Victoria wrapped her arms around herself in a gesture to comfort herself and in that moment she looked like a scared little child. _He's gone_. And then she began to sob violently, as if speaking these words had been some sort of release. Sympathy for her stirred inside my heart despite myself as I watched her rocking body; she must have hold on to her emotions, her sadness, her pain, for a very long time, containing them deep with in where they couldn't touch her. Now she couldn't hold them back anymore.

_Oh sweetie_, Skadi whispered and opened her arms. Victoria didn't hesitate. She flew into her arms, sobbing in earnest now. _I'm so sorry_. They stayed like this for a very long time. Eventually the sky turned pink with the promise of sunshine, the clouds all gone. _Sweetie, we need to go_. Skadi's voice was gentle, but firm. _The sun's about to come up._

In the present, Skadi gave a frustrated sigh. Remembering the meeting, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Victoria—even after all this time, even now, knowing what she'd done or had others do in her name. "I eventually got the whole story out of her. A confrontation with another coven had gotten out of hand and James was killed as a consequence."

The scene in Skadi's mind changed. Colourless and one-dimensional. It was us I was seeing now, my family forming a line of defence to protect our weakest member. I caught a glimpse of myself behind Carlisle, crouching in front of Bella, who looked startled and uncomprehending. She didn't know what was going on yet.

"That is weird," Bella muttered beside me.

I agreed. "It is."

Scene change. Only James and Victoria now, alone somewhere in the woods; it wasn't a place I recognised. Laurent was nowhere to be seen. This must have taken place while Laurent was at our place, or sometime after. _I want her. _James was pacing like a caged animal. His voice was impatient, with a feral edge to it. The hairs on the neck of my back rose even though this was just a memory. When he faced Victoria again, his face was twisted in rage. _How dare they? _he snarled, driving his fist into the nearest tree. It went right through.

_Calm down_, Victoria said soothingly. _You always get them, in the end._

That seemed to pacify him a little. He gave her a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. They remained hard and cold, focused.

_You said you overheard her telling her father she was going to Phoenix_, Victoria continued. She was reasoning with him, trying to get him to calm down. The way she didn't hesitate before she spoke made me think that she had a lot of practice with that. _Any chance she really meant it? It's the first place you'd go looking for her, which they have to know. So you wouldn't be particularly inclined to believe them when you overhear them saying they'd take her to Phoenix. But what if they are because they're counting on exactly that?_

James scowled. _You think they're that smart?_ Somehow I got the impression that wasn't the reason he was scowling. Maybe he didn't like being outsmarted even by his own mate.

_I think they want to protect this human at all cost. They were ready to tear you to pieces, James. Besides, since they don't seem to be planning on changing her—or she would be one of us already—getting her out of here is their only option._

_You're probably right_, James agreed eventually. He didn't seem happy. Because it hadn't been his idea or because it would it would complicate matters? I was leaning towards the former—James had enjoyed a challenge. _Let's wait and see what they'll do next. _Again he smiled, but this time it was real. _I can be patient._

Scene change. It was dark, with only a hint of daylight left—the sun had set a while ago, but darkness hadn't taken over completely yet. Victoria crouched hidden in a narrow alley, staring at the orange-grey flames licking over the building in front of her. Behind the ballet studio was only darkness; apparently fifty yards was the limit of what Skadi's gift enabled her to see. Fire trucks, blue lights flashing madly, blocked Victoria's direct access to the building, but she must have known that going inside would have been suicide and so she stayed put. Besides, at this point, James had been dead for hours. There was nothing she could do. The firemen were doing their best of extinguish the fire, forming a loose line around the building and pouring gallon after gallon of water into the inferno. But they were losing the battle.

We had been very thorough.

A memory again. After the colourless—what had Skadi called it?—imprint it came as a shock because of its bright clarity. A hotel room. Victoria lay curled up on her side, the occasional sob tearing through her as she told Skadi what she thought had happened. Skadi had obviously gotten her to shower; she wore different clothes and her hair was still wet and falling straight down her back. _They just killed him_. It was barely a whisper, as if even now she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Perhaps the reality of it hadn't quite sunken in yet and she feared that by saying it out loud it would come crashing down on her. Again I felt sorry for her and although that irritated me, I couldn't quench the feeling. She was the enemy, she had done horrible things, she had hurt Bella and she wanted to kill us. But seeing her so broken and desperate reminded me of what Bella had been like in those first few months after I left—in the vision Alice had shown me a few weeks ago Bella had lain on her bed in a similar position, her chest barely rising and falling.

Only when Bella said gently, "Don't think about that now," did I realise that she had seen the dreadful memory as well. She pressed her lips against the edge of my jaw. "Don't ever think about it again. Please. It's past."

_Murdered him. _These words drew me back into the memory. _For a human. A bloody human. _Slowly, she sat up, legs folded underneath her, her hands clenched to fists on her thighs. _Why would they do that?_ she choked. She rubbed her right fist across her eyes. They were dark, nearly black.

_Because she was important to them, I suppose. _Skadi's voice was calm, soothing. She spoke to her like to a little child. She was hoping to make her see reason, to get her to understand that James had brought it on himself, but she couldn't bring herself to say the actual words. That would have been beyond cruel and she couldn't do that to someone who was already in so much pain, already suffering so much. Her thoughts wandered to her daughter. She had killed the monster that had murdered Freyja and she understood perfectly why we had killed James. But despite all that she also understood Victoria's pain, knew the depths of a vampire's emotions, their capacity for suffering. And she liked Victoria. Quite a bit. She didn't want her to be hurting.

_But she was only human_, Victoria repeated desperately. _She wasn't worth anything._ Did she truly not understand why I had to kill James? Or didn't she want to? Then again, would I bee any different if our places were reversed?

_Everybody is worth something_, Skadi said firmly. She sat down beside Victoria and put her arm around her waist. Victoria inched closer, seeking comfort. _Obviously, the girl was important to them and so they protected her. It's unfortunate that James was killed in the process._ _He had it coming_. The last sentence, she didn't say out loud. She didn't quite understand why. It was the truth. But the truth could hurt, so she kept it to herself, although deep down Victoria must have known what James was like. She wasn't stupid. But she was also in love and love tended to make people blind. Skadi refused to believe that Victoria was as evil as James had been.

_I want him dead_. Victoria sucked in a ragged breath. _The one who killed James. _She paused. _No. I want him to suffer. I want him to feel the pain I feel. He had no right to take James away from me_.

Skadi wanted to object because she knew I had had every right. But again she remained silent. A monster had slaughtered her family and she had killed it as was her right—and the monster that was James had been killed too. That was only right. No, it was more than that. It was just. There were already too many monsters in this world, too much evil. But despite all that Skadi could relate, could understand what Victoria was going through. It confused her.

_But he didn't even want to kill her! _Victoria cried, sounding desperate now. But there was something else in her voice. Something that didn't quite fit. Calculation. _He loves to hunt, but he didn't mean to kill her. He just wanted to scare her a little. What's wrong with that?_

A lot of things on many different levels. But Skadi kept her opinion to herself. Again. She highly doubted that James hadn't wanted to kill the girl—that's who he was, was what gave him joy. But maybe he had had a change of heart since the last time they met. Change was rare for vampires, but not impossible and Victoria had known James best after all. _You know that's not true_, whispered something deep inside her. _You know she's lying_. But Victoria was in so much pain and that was why Skadi made the offer, although she knew it was wrong. But she couldn't stand seeing another being suffer like she had suffered, couldn't stand seeing that much pain. She knew revenge wasn't the answer—and in this case wasn't even justified. But she made the offer regardless because she knew Victoria but knew nothing about us. _Alright_, she said and her tone made Victoria glance up hopefully. _I'll help you._

"I have come to regret that." Skadi met my gaze levelly. She knew she had made a mistake and, contrary to me, wasn't afraid to face the consequences. "I knew it was wrong even as I offered, but she was hurting. I've always known that she used that to manipulate me into helping her. But I honestly didn't think my decision would lead to so much pain. I was wrong and for that I apologise, although there are no words to say how sorry I am for what had come to pass. Without my help things wouldn't probably even have gotten this far. In the beginning I might still have been able to stop Victoria. But I missed my chance and now there's nothing I can do. A few years ago she created a guard for herself, four vampires that never leave her side. Under normal circumstances they would be no match for me. But they are all gifted." A sad, bitter laugh. "I know because it was me who chose them. That's one aspect of my gift that developed only fairly recently. I can sense latent gifts in humans. It's just a feeling, nothing concrete. I don't even know what the gift is until the human in question is changed. I think Aro's guard served as an inspiration.

"Anyway, I can't get to her now. Besides, Victoria knows that I don't agree with her anymore, not as much as I used to. I could leave, but I'm at least partially responsible for what she has done. As long as I stay, I can do at least some damage control. I didn't find out about some of the things she's done until recently. Believe me, if I had known what she and Craig were up to, I would have tried to talk some sense into her. Sometimes she still listens to me. But the time for talking is past now." Her eyes were hard, cold. "I have Freya to think of now." She kept her thoughts deliberately vague. She wanted us to understand why she was helping us. She didn't think a guilty conscience was reason enough. Freya seemed to be the catalyst for her decision to help us. But why?

"What things?" Bella asked, just as I wanted to ask why Freya was so important, apart from the fact that she reminded Skadi of her daughter.

Instead of answering the question, Skadi showered us with yet more memories. They kept coming quickly now, image upon image rushing through her mind so fast I had to concentrate to catch them all. She didn't know how much time we had left. The others could return every minute. Most of what Skadi showed us were her own memories, things she had witnessed herself. Some were imprints. Victoria talking to Laurent, receiving information about our family. Victoria telling Skadi, frustrated and angry, that Laurent had vanished and that now she'd have to go back to Forks herself. Victoria underwater, the ocean a wall of greyish green around her. She came up, scanning the cliffs jutting out into the sea. Saw a tiny human figure on the edge. Bella. She jumped and Victoria immediately started towards her—then hastily retreated as Jacob flung himself into the churning sea not one second after Bella had gone in.

_I can't get to her_. Victoria crushed a rock in her hand, hair still dripping. She was furious, her eyes ablaze with hatred.

_Patience_, Skadi advised calmly. _Perhaps a change in tactics is in order._

Victoria seemed to take her words to heart, only watching Bella from a distance now, never venturing close as she was always protected by the wolves. With every conversation she and Skadi had, her impatience grew. She wanted to do something, anything, but she knew she needed a better plan. If the wolves killed her, she wouldn't be able to avenge James's death.

_She left_, she told Skadi one evening, water glistening behind her in the fading sunlight. _She's going to college. But I think I have a plan. One that'll work. _

Victoria leaning over unmoving bodies, screaming out her frustration. _Damn it, why won't it work?_ Bodies over bodies, too many to count. Then, finally, a first success. The girl survived, woke up a vampire three days after Victoria had bitten her. So did the next. And the next. And the next.

"Victoria changed tactics more thoroughly than I had anticipated." Skadi didn't look very happy. She had envisioned something less drastic. Never had it occurred to her that Victoria would do what she had ended up doing. "By the time I found out it was too late to intervene. Since the wolves still protected you, even down in California, Victoria tried a new approach. She kept creating vampires and sending them to Forks to kill you. She knew you weren't there anymore, but the newborns didn't and as they were grateful that Victoria had given them the chance for a better life, they didn't question her. She only needed to tell them that the wolves would come after them if they didn't kill them first. That was all it took to make them obey her. They didn't want to die.

"Victoria still picks new recruits that way." Skadi paused, then corrected herself. "She has _me_ pick recruits that way, I should say. By making them feel they owe her she secures their loyalty. And she's succeeded, at least with the ones who haven't met Craig. Those have shifted their allegiance to me as I'm the one who's responsible for their training. They know me, but most of them have only met Victoria once. However, they also know that Victoria will have them hunted down like animals if they defect." Skadi smiled, but this time it was a cruel smile and it reminded me of how dangerous this woman was. "Which doesn't mean that given the chance they won't try to get rid of her. They will, without hesitation. But back to the story.

"Victoria was hoping that by sending vampires to Forks and leaving you alone, she'd eventually make your friends think you were safe as long as you didn't return and they didn't lower their guard. Years later it finally worked. She also grew more… picky when it came to choosing people for her cause. By then she had her guard, but she wanted more. It seemed to me she didn't want to take any chances with you. She began creating an army. Not just newborns, who were strong but lacked discipline. A real army. That was the first time it occurred to me that maybe it wasn't just you she was after anymore. She stopped letting me read her about the same time. She kept secrets, which she hadn't before, and I grew suspicious."

"Who else could she be after?" Bella asked. She sounded as puzzled as I felt. Clearly, this whole situation with Victoria was much more complex than we had thought.

"I'm getting to that." Skadi gave her a brief smile, but it seemed strained. "Victoria asked me to find her human soldiers that were unhappy with their mortal lives. They knew about discipline, were familiar with being part of a chain of command and could follow orders if they believed in what they were doing. I always gave them a choice. I didn't want to force them into a life they would be unhappy with, but many chose gladly. Like Jackson and Sophie. Over the years, I have acquired forty-eight vampires for her that way, a third of them former military personnel and about a fifth gifted in one way or the other.

"Unfortunately, I suspect that she's created even more by now. But I don't know for sure. As I said, she's been keeping secrets from me for a while now. If I had to guess, I'd say the total number is ranges somewhere between seventy and eighty. They're scattered across the States and Canada in units of three or four. She keeps a small newborn contingent as well, but the numbers are constantly changing. They have a tendency of killing each other.

"I don't know why she came after you in California. My guess is that she was there to check up on you and couldn't resist. In any case, her failure seemed to convince her that she needed even more vampires. You were suddenly much harder to kill. Of course you wouldn't have stood a chance against her army, but Victoria tends to go overboard in everything she does." She made a face. "She likes to be in control."

I felt Bella's gaze on me, but I pretended not to notice. I knew I was being ridiculous; she was still reading my mind, so she knew what I was thinking. But I couldn't help myself. Skadi's words struck something deep inside me. To be like Victoria… The thought made my stomach churn. I did not want to be like her.

"Victoria had plans for you once you were dead," Skadi continued. Her face was blank and she was trying to keep her voice even, but her eyes were flashing dangerously. "She wanted to leave your body on your family's doorstep."

I clenched my hands.

"But now that you're a vampire, things are a little more difficult. She can't kill you without destroying your body, so she needed to come up with a new plan."

"That's so sick," Bella whispered.

Skadi nodded unhappily. "I know. I found out about that only last week—after I finally got a chance to read Craig. I should have walked away then and there. I don't want to be a part of this anymore, but I'm afraid that if I leave, things will get even worse." She ran her hand over her braid, twisting it around her wrist. "Until last week I also didn't know that it was Craig's idea to make your family move to Anchorage. The plan was to destroy your family and take the two of you alive so that Victoria could kill you without having to fear retaliation." She made a sound of disgust. "I don't know why Victoria agreed to that. As I said, she won't let me read her anymore. Craig hasn't from the beginning because Victoria told him what I could do. A week ago he finally let down his guard." She bared her teeth a little. "Apparently, he convinced Victoria that it would be even more fun to play mind games with you before she actually attacked. He found the women and Victoria killed them so that her scent was on their bodies. Killing the children was his idea as well." Anger twisted her face and I took an automatic step backwards even as I nudged Bella behind me. "I'm sorry," Skadi said immediately. Her face went blank as she regained control. "I didn't mean to scare you. Craig also suggested digging around in your past. Victoria remembered from watching you that you were quite close to a human named Olivia. Since your father was impossible to get at and you didn't seem to be particularly close to your mother, Victoria had the leader of the Chicago unit, a vampire called Sarah, kidnap Olivia. Victoria instructed her to detain the two of you, should you show up in Chicago looking for the human, and bring you to her. That obviously didn't work out.

"I also didn't know up until last week that she had a human contact in Anchorage, someone who fed her information about you. She kept him in check by threatening his child. Craig hand-picked the vampire for that particular assignment. The man died last week. Victoria thought it was suicide, but since you're here, I'm assuming you had something to do with it?"

"I killed him," Bella said quietly; I could tell from her voice that it still bothered her, although Henry Lambert had had it coming. "I just… I was so furious because of what he did and then he tried to hit on me… Well, I pushed him out a window." She looked so unhappy that Skadi reached out to pat her shoulder, offering comfort. Bella gave her a tiny, grateful smile. "The vampire who was keeping an eye on his daughter is dead as well," she went on. "Which I guess is the reason why Craig knew me showing up here wasn't a coincidence. "

"How so?" Skadi asked sharply. "I've been out with Freya all day, so I'm not exactly in the loop. I mean, I guessed it wasn't because I don't believe in coincidences. But how did Craig know?"

"Apparently, Craig went to Anchorage this morning to check up on Austin and found that he was gone," Bella explained. "He seemed pretty sure he wouldn't have left on his own, that's why he thinks this is a trap. And if he knows, then so does Victoria." She took a deep calming breath. "Okay, so let me get this straight. If we hadn't come here today, Victoria would have come after Edward and me with her army, right?"

A nod. "Yes. But she has had the necessary numbers for some time now and if she had plans to attack anytime soon, I would know. She may not trust me anymore, but I'm still in charge of her troops. She would have told me. That's why I suspect that she's after more than just revenge for James. She could have had that a long time ago. I think I figured out what she wants and that's the reason why I'm helping you, aside from the fact that I find it increasingly hard to reconcile her actions with my conscience." Her eyes flicked to Freya and her grip tightened. Freya gave her a confused look. It was clear that she had no idea what Skadi getting at.

But I suddenly did. I almost instinctively rejected the idea. It was madness, suicide. But then, Victoria had nothing left to lose. "Oh God," I whispered, horrified, and saw the confirmation that I was right in Skadi's mind a moment later. She hadn't wanted to simply tell us because she'd been afraid we wouldn't believe her. And I wouldn't have. Not without seeing everything she had shown us first, starting with the execution of Victoria's sister.

It all made brutal sense now.

Beside me, Bella gasped. "No. No. She can't be serious. That's insane."

Skadi agreed. "Yes, it is. Believe me, I'm praying that I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. I think that once she's done with you, she plans to avenge the death of her sister." She didn't have to say out loud how she thought Victoria would go about that. All three of us already knew.

But she did anyway. "I think she wants to kill Aro."

* * *

**A/N: And now I seriously hope that you don't think I'm crazy. But I do think that Victoria could be crazy—and desperate—enough to do something like this. Please review! I love hearing from you.**


	48. Decisions (Part 1)

**A/N: **First, let me say how sorry I am that I kept you waiting for over a year. This years has been tough for me, possibly the worst and hardest of my life, and I'm still working through some personal issues that keep the muse away. On top of that I have a hard time adjusting to my new job, which is stressful and time-consuming. At the moment I'm working up to 70 hours per week, which leaves very little time for anything else. So I can't promise you that I'll be able to update again in the near future. In fact, I wrote this chapter last year and it isn't finished; but I decided that half a chapter is better than nothing. I'm really, really sorry! I'd completely understand if you had lost interest.

Still, thank you so much for the reviews I received, even after all this time. It means more to me than you can possibly imagine.

I'm afraid that this chapter is un-beta-ed, so there might be a lot of errors. I hope you don't mind too much.

**Disclaimer**: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm merely borrowing. The new vamps belong to me though! ;)

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48. DECISIONS

BELLA

_No need to get locked up_

_Inside the past _

_I know that isn't changing_

_Fire by Dead by Sunrise_

* * *

It was Freya who broke the uncomfortable silence that hung between us.

"Who's Aro?" She looked up at Skadi curiously, poking her in the side when she didn't respond immediately. "And why does he want to kill me?"

Skadi stared. "I never said he wanted to kill you." But she didn't sound very convincing and Freya picked up on that at once.

She huffed. "Please. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid. I've had a 4.0 average since I started school, you know. You repeatedly mentioned my name and if you squeeze my hand any harder, it'll fall off."

"Impossible," Skadi replied evenly. "You're dead."

"So you keep telling me." Freya rolled her eyes. "It was a figure of speech. Spill. You can't protect me forever and if it concerns me, I think I have a right to know. I'm a vampire, I can handle it."

Skadi didn't look convinced. She didn't want Freya to be frightened, but she also knew that she had a point. She was still a child, would be forever, at least in the sense that she'd be stuck in the body of an eleven-year-old, never changing. However, keeping her ignorant about the world she lived in would be ignorant to the point of dangerous. "Fine," she said eventually. She didn't sound happy. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Volturi?"

"No." Freya shook her head, then added, "Oh wait. You mentioned them before. Something about them accusing someone of breaking the law." She frowned slightly, chewing on her lip again as she thought it through rapidly. "Are they some sort of vampire police?" she asked dubiously.

"Well…" Skadi began.

"But if there's a police, then there have to be laws as well," Freya interrupted. "Otherwise, having a police would be pretty pointless."

"Think of them as police and government in one," Skadi said, impressed that Freya had figured it out by herself. "And yes, vampires do have laws. Not many. They are basically variations of one rule—do not attract attention. The Volturi are extremely powerful as they are the largest coven in existence and many of them have abilities that make them more dangerous than you could possibly imagine. There are three of them—Aro, Caius and Marcus—though from what I've heard Aro is their leader."

"I see." Freya pushed a tendril of black hair that had escaped her intricate braid out of her forehead. "But why does he want to kill me? I haven't done anything." Her eyebrows knit together. "Have I?" To my amazement, Freya didn't seem particularly scared by the notion that apparently someone wanted her dead. Then again, judging by the tenor of her thoughts, she couldn't imagine anyone being punished for something they hadn't done. Even her father who was so strict he seemed heartless at times had always been painstakingly fair.

"Of course you haven't, _ketlingr_." Skadi gave her a smile, but it looked strained. "It's complicated."

That, I believed immediately. I was still shocked by Victoria's audacity—though 'delusion' was probably the better word here. Did she honestly think she'd stand a chance? I didn't know much about the Volturi, only what Edward had told me the night of my eighteenth birthday and what I had learned since then. It wasn't much, but it was clear to me that you didn't cross them unless you wanted to die. If Victoria wanted to get herself killed, I certainly wouldn't stop her.

_If Victoria ever makes it to Italy, it'll mean that we're all dead_, I reminded myself.

Still, it shouldn't have been complicated at all. But it was. Only I didn't exactly understand why. My mind was so filled with thoughts that weren't my own right now that I couldn't make sense of any of it and Edward was no help at all—his mind was racing, thoughts streaking away in every direction all at once, and I lost focus. As my shield snapped back, everything went quiet.

I understood that Skadi didn't want Freya do die; she'd already lost a daughter, she didn't want to lose another one. But if Victoria went through with this—provided she survived us, which I hoped she wouldn't—she could hardly force Skadi to accompany her on a suicide mission. All Skadi had to do was take Freya and run. I seriously doubted that Victoria would track the two of them down. If she did this, if she went to Volterra, she wouldn't want to have two vampires with her she couldn't trust, who were a liability because they had been forced to come. Victoria was smarter than that.

But Skadi had made it sound like Freya in particular would be targeted and that was what I didn't understand. As Freya had pointed out, she hadn't done anything, had broken no law that I knew of. Besides, physically she wasn't anywhere near as strong as every single other vampire I knew. She wasn't a threat.

I was missing something.

"I see," Edward said tonelessly, the words no more than a whisper, and I barely heard them, lost in thought as I was. Glancing up, I saw that he was staring at Skadi, his face paler than usual. His features were smooth, completely blank. But I knew that look. My stomach dropped.

Yes, I was definitely missing something.

"You've given this quite some thought, haven't you?" He tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. I assumed that Skadi had already given him an explanation, which I had missed because I was no longer shielding Edward.

Skadi lifted her head, her red eyes dark with worry. She locked her arms around Freya's slender frame, holding the girl close to her body. "I have." She paused. "Perhaps I'm being paranoid." But it sounded uncertain and a worried frown creased her forehead. Whatever it was that she feared, she seemed certain it was a real possibility.

"No." Edward shook his head. His jaw was set and I could feel the tension in his body, his muscles hard underneath my touch. He was gripping my hand so tight it almost hurt, but I doubted he was even aware of it. "You're being careful." Said in the flat voice he used whenever he didn't want others to know that something was very, very wrong. If I hadn't been so confused and worried, I would have laughed. He wasn't doing a very good job. But maybe I knew him too well. He couldn't fool me. Not anymore.

For the fraction of a second, his eyes met mine. I saw fear in them, just a flicker, but it was enough to convince me that we had a problem. "And I think you're right."

"Excuse me," Freya said just as I wanted to ask them to explain what the hell was going on. She twisted out of Skadi's arms and placed her hands on her hips in a way that was probably supposed to look intimidating. Instead, it made her look even more adorable. In his mind, Edward had called her 'kitten' and that was exactly what she reminded me of—a kitten with its fur on edge and its needle sharp teeth bared, oblivious to the fact that it wasn't nearly as dangerous as it thought it was. "Would somebody _please_ tell me what's wrong before I die of old age. Don't," she said, narrowing her eyes at Skadi when she started to say something. "It was a figure of speech again. I know I'm not ageing."

"That wasn't what I was going to say." But Skadi's lips were twitching and I knew that this was exactly what she'd wanted to say. Then she sobered and concern that bordered on fear flashed in her dark eyes. That scared me even more than the fact that Edward was holding me in a death grip—as if he feared that someone would try to rip me away from him any second now. "Okay." She gave a curt nod. "Keep in mind that I haven't actually been able to confirm what I just told you. But in this case I think it's better to be safe than sorry." She glanced at Freya. "If Victoria does this, I will have no part in it. But it won't matter. Aro will find out about me and Freya the moment he touches Victoria and reads her mind…"

I must have looked confused because Edward said, "Aro reads minds by touch. I can only hear what someone is hearing at any given moment. Aro only needs to touch you to know every single thought your mind has ever held." His lips curved into a small smile. "Though I don't think he'd be able to read your mind."

"As I was saying," Skadi continued, "as soon as Aro reads her, he will know what she's been up to and he won't be too happy with anyone who's helped her in any way. That includes Freya and me, though in Freya's case it wouldn't have been intentionally. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll matter to him, In that regard he's ruthless. He has to be. If the humans were to find out about us on a great scale…" She paused. "It would be bad. So he'll have anyone who's ever been associated with Victoria hunted down to make an example out of them and… discourage others from doing the same. Even if he leaves me alone, which I'm certain he won't, he will send someone for Freya. She's still so very young. He might not believe she's able to control herself until he has seen for himself. If he decides that she isn't, she'll die.

"So that's my reason for helping you. To protect Freya. But I need help. I can't take Victoria on alone, not anymore. One-on-one, I could take her easily, but with her protection detail guarding her twenty-four-seven, I can't get close enough. I can only ask you to help me. If you don't want to, I'd let you go and you can take your chances with Victoria another time. But since you're already here, you might as well try. Besides, it's quite likely that Victoria fails to kill you and survives, she will go to Volterra as some sort of last resort."

Edward hissed viciously. The ugly, menacing sound was followed by a string of curses I had never heard out of him before. His temper was getting the better of him. He looked like he wanted to punch something. Preferably Victoria. "Damn her!" he snarled. Freya cringed back against Skadi, her eyes wide. "I wish we'd killed her along with James. Then we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"

"I still don't understand," I said calmly as I placed my hand on his shoulders. He relaxed marginally, but the tension didn't leave his body. His right hand was balled into a fists so tight the tendons in his arm stood out prominently. "Edward?"

He looked at me, but he didn't answer—perhaps he feared he'd snarl at me too. As I wasn't going to get an explanation out of him, I turned to Skadi. "What do you mean, last resort? And what does that have to do with us?"

"Victoria knows about Aro's gift." Her voice was quiet, even. But there was something in her eyes I hadn't seen before. Calculation. "Even if she dies, which I'm quite positive she will, she'll still ensure your death." Seeing the confusion on my face, she added quietly, "There are several reasons why Aro could decide to come after you."

"But we haven't done anything," I said automatically. But it sounded uncertain, even to me. Because I had suddenly remembered what Eleazar had told us, that he suspected Aro had used the information he'd gathered for him to add new vampires to his Guard—by having the coven of said vampires killed as penalty for committing this or that crime. Of course Eleazar didn't have proof, so it was only a theory. But what if he was right? I thought of Alice and Edward and Jasper and Kate and Eleazar. Especially Alice. Who wouldn't want to know what the future held?

And then there was me. Just because I didn't find my shield particularly useful at the moment didn't mean that others wouldn't either. Besides, sooner or later I'd get the hang of it and be able to shield more than just one or two people at a time. Provided I got the ability reflection thing under control.

_Do you really think they'll want someone who's able to copy their abilities_, a voice whispered inside my head. A surge of cold fear shot down my spine and settled in my stomach, turning my insides to ice.

_No_, I thought, a lump in my throat. _No, they probably won't._

"But we have," Edward grit out. He gave me a pained look. "You knew too much about us, about our world, and yet we left you human." He laughed once, the sound bleak and bitter. "Hell, he has every right to come after us for that."

"But I'm a vampire now." Even as I said it, I knew it wouldn't matter, unless Eleazar was wrong. But what if he wasn't? As spark of suspicion ignited in my mind, suddenly and completely unexpectedly. My eyes narrowed. I remembered that look of calculation on Skadi's face and understood what she was trying to do, why she'd mentioned the possibility of Victoria going to Volterra while we were still alive. She'd done it to ensure we'd help her bring Victoria down _now_, no matter what, no matter how manx casualties we'd suffer. Because letting her live was too great a risk.

But why? Why hadn't Skadi just asked? We would have helped her because we wanted Victoria dead as much as she did. Too many innocent people had already been killed and I wouldn't let anyone else die because of me. The attempt at manipulation stung. Not because I trusted her—I didn't—but because I liked her quite a bit.

All she would have had to do was ask.

She didn't even look ashamed when I glared at her. "I'm not going to apologise," she said calmly. "I won't leave anything to chance. Freya's life is at stake and she's more important to me than anything else." A grim smile. "And I don't care what I have to do to keep her safe."

"I understand that," that retorted. "But you could have asked. Do you think we we want Freya to get hurt or worse?"

"I'm standing right here," Freya muttered, annoyed. "And I'm not deaf."

I ignored her and so did Skadi. "Freya isn't a member of your coven," she said simply. "Your priorities are different. You've never had a daughter, so how can I expect you to understand why I'd do anything for her?"

"But I do," I said softly and my anger evaporated almost instantly because while I didn't have a child and would never have one, I had a family. I'd do anything to protect them. "If I had a daughter, I'd kill everyone who tried to hurt her."

"Besides, it's not like you don't have a point," Edward said. He seemed to have gotten a grip on his temper. His face was composed, his voice calm. He tugged his hand out of my grip, locking his arms around my waist instead and pulling me against his chest. "Personally, I don't think she'll do it. I think she'd just rebuild her army and try again in a few years. And," dry amusement, "judging by what I saw in your mind, neither do you."

Skadi stared back at him. She truly wasn't sorry for trying to manipulate us.

"But," Edward continued and sighed, "it's a possibility, one we cannot risk. Also, if we don't stop her now, her army will continue grow, which means that sooner or later the Volturi will send someone to investigate. So we really don't have much of a choice. We can't allow them to come here."

I felt his arms tighten on my waist.

"Victoria needs to die tonight."


End file.
